Parenting tips and building your village the Enchanted Nanny - Danielle Manton-Kelly

Project Baby Podcast sits down with Danielle, The Enchanted Nanny, for a heartfelt conversation about all things parenthood. From the realities of young motherhood to the importance of building your village — even when it doesn’t look the way you expected — Danielle shares her honest journey. Hear how becoming a mother at just 20 years old transformed her life and shaped the way she supports other parents today.

Chapters

• 0:28 The Importance of Community in Parenting
• 2:54 Navigating Postnatal Challenges
• 5:47 The Role of the Village in Childcare
• 9:11 Advice for New Parents
• 12:02 Managing Expectations and Pressure
• 17:01 Integrating Newborns into Family Life
• 25:01 The Impact of Social Media on Parenting
• 35:02 Toys and Play: Nurturing Development
• 38:54 Role Play and Imagination in Childhood
• 43:42 Understanding Love Languages in Parenting

Transcript

Natasha (00:00)

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Natasha

Welcome back to the Project Baby podcast. And today we are sitting and talking with the Enchanted Nanny. And I'm so excited for this chat. Yeah. 

Danielle (00:23)

So am I.

Natasha (00:28)

So it takes a village to raise the children and a family, It's not just a one-person job or a two-person job.

Danielle (00:33)

No, it's not. And so many parents, particularly Mums, do try to do it all on their own because I think there's so much pressure to be perfect, achieve everything,  and they'll often find that they struggle massively, and that's probably a bit of an understatement. So I always talk about the village because my first village with my first baby when I was 20 was actually a group of uni students.

So I found out I was having Bella in my second year of uni and within like a week there was this group of about five people, teenagers, who just rallied. And I had never heard of a village. I didn't know that that was going to be an important thing. But looking back, I realised that actually they formed that village immediately. and my first year of parenthood, I was surrounded by people who had absolutely no idea how to support me, but who learnt to. And that's one thing I've always really held onto actually is if a group of uni students who are busy and enjoying their lives and have lots and lots of other priorities can support someone through their first few years of being a parent, anyone can. And it doesn't matter if you've never had a baby in your life. Those people didn't. And they were men, they were women, from all different walks of life. And they all absolutely fused to me and to Bella. And they have continued to be that village. She's nearly 16 and they are so much a part of her life because they all made that commitment. Now we did a drama degree. Drama students tend to be quite like, you have my heart forever. But actually that's what I needed at that time and that's what Bella then has continued to need. When I had my second daughter. Everyone kind of thought, she's done this before. I wasn't at university. I was doing things the traditional way. I had the house, I had the nearly husband and I was back home. So I think everybody assumed that I would be fine. 

Natasha (02:54)

And did the village change?

Danielle (03:07)

The village changed. My original village was still in London. So I had moved back to Bournemouth. So they were far away from me. And they were all at different stages in their lives. The family village that I had had with Bella at the beginning, but obviously moved away from, had been used to me getting on with it. And I think they all assumed that because it was my second, I would be experienced, I would know exactly what I was doing. But what no one really tells you is your second baby, you really assume they're gonna be the same as the first one because that's all you're used to. And actually I had really severe postnatal anxiety with her. I had birth trauma with her. A lot went wrong, there were complications and I didn't have that rally because people had expected me to just kind of get on with it and actually I was completely lost. And I know that had I called people, they would have been there but when you're postnatal, you're full of hormones, you're exhausted and if there has been trauma, you're also in a lot of mental and physical shock. So you're not always going to say, I think I need some help because actually in that point, you might just be numb or feeling a whole host of things that you've never felt before and not remembering what it felt like the first time because you just don't have the capacity. So it's about that village really sort of stepping up and keeping an eye on you and making sure that actually they see things even sometimes before you do. And I was really lucky, you know my husband picked up on the fact that something wasn't right, very gently kind of spoke to me about it. And then he pieced together the village that I needed, but lots of people don't have that. And I thought I was going like completely crazy, I really did. And I was also worried to tell anyone in my village, because I thought someone was gonna take my baby away if I did, was absolutely terrified. It's not just about showing up to help change nappies and help with laundry. It's about mentally showing up and just keeping a very watchful eye on, you know are they okay? Are they, you know, do they seem off? Is there something else going on here?

Natasha (05:16)

Yeah and what's the age gap between the first two?

Danielle (05:18)

Five years. 

Natasha

Five years

Danielle

Yeah, so in that time I really felt like, and bear in mind, I have worked with babies my whole adult life and even before that. When I had Bella, I just kind of strolled into motherhood because I had recently worked with babies and I was just used to them. That five year gap though was spent raising one child who was five by the time I had a newborn. So it felt completely brand new and I just felt lost. But I did feel at that point, well, I just need to be good at this. And that's where the pressure then started with, well, I need to be perfect at this. And this is where, you know, the birthday parties were ridiculous and everything I was doing with them, the outfits and perfect everything and perfect house and perfect this and perfect that because I couldn't identify that something was wrong and I couldn't reach out and I felt very alone. So it was very much a snap kind of, right, well, I'll jump into action and be perfect at absolutely everything, which was, you know, it's all a recipe for disaster that no one really identified.

Natasha (06:26)

Yeah, so I can totally relate to that. So I obviously have a Henry when I was 19 and then I have a 12 year age gap. 

Danielle

Wow. 

Natasha

And then I have Quincy who's six. And so I have the big age gap. When I was 19, I think I was carefree. And as in the sense of I had this baby, I remember the first night very well, like I was like, what am I meant to do if it's crying? And my mum going, it's a baby. But then you know, I settled into it and, you know, and the breastfeeding came easily and I just got on with it. But then when I had Quincy, I was like, whoa. And I don't know if it was because I was older and I'd like to say wiser, but I just was just like, oh my God, like I did feel like a totally brand new mum again. And the village was different. Like it was different and it was, like I had the grandparents and my parents and Gav's parents and everybody's opinions. But without them, we wouldn't be building up to where we are today. But yeah, the village just, I think it's so important to have a village around you, to bounce ideas off, to say, actually, is this okay? And does this look okay? And I think that's so important. And within the Enchanted Nanny, you obviously offer a village to lots of parents.

Danielle (07:53)

Yeah, so when I was really young and having Bella, there were so many questions that I had and I ended up usually going to Bella's child minders, to ask them because they felt like more adultier adults and also because I was surrounded by

mostly teenagers and young adults who had never had babies. And my mum was so, helpful, but she only ever had me. And that was 20 years previous. So her knowledge, she felt like was outdated. And so she didn't have the confidence to say, this is what you should or shouldn't be doing. So I would go to them. And I kind of made this sort of like pact with myself that if ever I had the ability to help somebody, I would. And it would always be without judgment, no matter what their situation was or how young they were, that I wanted to be that person that they could come to who would just give them unwavering advice or who would research together and say, actually, do you know what? I don't know that one. Let's look together because this is always changing. And then the village kind of came about and that kind of grew and grew. I owned a childcare company and

it was luxury childcare at weddings and events, but I always found that the parents would kind of come into the crèches or wherever I was looking after the babies and ask me advice. And I loved supporting them. And it kind of grew from there, and I sort of thought to myself, actually, I could turn this into something where I'm kind of available for people who want to message, but I'm also sharing my own experience, whether it's the learning type stuff or actually my life, because my life is chaotic. I have four children and I don't always get it right and I'm always learning. So it's just wanting to become that person that you can go to. Not a health visitor, because I'm not a health visitor, but actually just that feeling of a more adultier adult who can just say, actually, did you know, know, when your baby's had a poonami, you can pull the sleeves down. You don't have to pull it over their head. They're designed to stretch. We can just use the baby grow to scrape the poop off. 

Natasha 

And chuck it in the bin.

Danielle

And chuck it in the bin, it's okay. You don't have to, but you're not getting that out. So it's just that, it's just having that person and also somebody to make light of things or to say, when you've got a brand new mom who's just there, like, I'm really sorry, my house is a mess, but here's the baby and I don't know what I'm doing, help. And to say, look, as long as your surfaces are clean and baby's warm and fed, you're doing fine. Like, you're doing fine. And there were a few people in my life that did that and I just wanted to always be that for whoever needed it.

Natasha (10:56)

So what advice, what is the best advice you would give to a new mum, to a first time parent?

Danielle (11:03)

It's just really, really saying to yourself all the time, I am not gonna get everything right. I will never get everything perfect. 

Natasha

Yeah that’s great advice.

Danielle

But I'm trying and that's enough. Like I'm trying and literally it's just the best piece of advice I was ever given was if your baby is clean, warm, fed and loved, you are doing 100 % better than you probably think that you are. 

Natasha

Yeah

Danielle

If you hold on to that, and you know, the people that are listening to this or watching this are already the people that are doing incredibly because they're learning, they're trying to find the information to continuously do better. But as a parent, you're never gonna get it right.

Natasha

You’re never gonna get it right.

Danielle

You’re not and even if you do, you're gonna think you're not. It's just about knowing that you're always evolving. and yeah, just take the pressure off. You are always gonna screw up. That's just life. In every element of your life, parenting just feels bigger because the stakes are higher. You're trying to raise a person who is gonna go out into the world and make safe choices and kind choices. But if you say to yourself, that is what I'm doing, then all the other stuff becomes unimportant. All of the mad elaborate parties, all of that kind of stuff, you're able then to ask yourself, okay, well, what's my why? Like I always go back to birthday parties specifically because they're an annual thing and every year most parents will overspend, they won't enjoy it, they will absolutely pull their hair out, they will be overstretched in every which way. And it's a really, really good thing to focus on because if you know someone that's doing that and actually they're not enjoying it, that usually will ripple out into other areas of their life. Things that they put pressure on themselves to get right every day and that's exhausting. So if you go back to this party thing, I always say to people, if they say, gosh, you know, this was, why am I doing this? I will sit with them and say, okay, but why are you? Like, what is it for? Because sometimes it is just like, because I love it and that's great. But actually if it's a case of it's, I feel like I feel guilty about something or I want to prove something to someone. And that's the pinpoint because actually you can then strip all of that back. They don't need it. They don't need all of this stuff you're putting the pressure on. And that then can fold into every day as well.

Natasha (13:47)

So I am that person. So every single birthday, I insist on making this birthday cake, every birthday, to all of my children. But I just make so much mess. My husband will watch that and he will 100%. I like every single surface in the house. And sometimes if it's really under pressure and I'm under pressure for the time, onto the floor with the mat. I literally make so much mess. And then last year I was just under so much pressure for my son Reggie's birthday cake for his third birthday. And I just was just like, I haven't got time for this. Like I'm running a business. I'm looking after all these children. I'm trying to sort the house and we are 25 days away from Christmas. Something's got to give. And I did for the first time ever. I took that pressure off myself. I went to Marks & Spencer's, I bought two cakes. I tiered them. I then from Amazon just bought these like little balloon things, put them all down the side, couple of Peppa Pig's toys that were his toys from his toy box. Put them on top. He loved it. He did not know that I did not make it. He didn't care. Nobody in the room cared. The only person who might care a little bit was me. My husband was really happy.

Danielle (14:52)

Yeah, because actually what they get back is you.

Natasha (15:06)

Yeah, but actually he had more time with me, better time spent, rather than on his birthday morning, me still stressing about putting this cake together. I enjoyed opening the toys, opening the presents with him. And it made such a difference. So I can absolutely, totally relate to that.

Danielle (15:24)

And that's why I do constantly relate it to that big bit of advice. And it's from day one, stop putting the pressure on yourself to be perfect. Because actually, if you look at the reasons why you're trying to be, it usually has nothing to do with your child. It might be because you're in a group of friends you just don't belong in that actually aren't healthy for you. And you're trying to show them. You're trying to keep up and actually, that's big. know, when you're going into your journey through parenthood, that's huge. If you're suddenly realizing that everything about your journey as a mother is not about your time with your child and actually is about, you know, very much keeping up with what you think is, you know, deemed socially acceptable, you are missing out on the big stuff. And it is, taking that pressure off. Things are, parenthood is messy. and it isn't perfect, but the reason why your child loves you is because you show up consistently and it's time with you and it's moments that they see you messy. Like my kids love it when I screw stuff up and laugh about it. They don't care about the cake being perfect and actually they've all grown up to ask for time. All they ever want for their birthday is things they can do with their favourite people and the people that they've chosen are the ones that show up and that don't care if the house is a mess.

Natasha (16:54)

And I think when you have got one child, it's easier. But when you try and combine more children into this established family, that's when not time runs out, but it just gets busy, it gets chaotic.

Danielle (17:07)

Yeah, you’re stretched.

Natasha

Have you got any really good advice for integrating a newborn into other children?

Danielle

So, it's, again, right, I'm gonna say the same kind of thing. And most of what I say to parents always comes back to that pressure thing. There are going to be moments where you feel guilty because your child is human and you have bought a change that can't be undone into their world. There will be jealousy. There will be moments when they act out. That has no bearing on you failing to do or not do something in preparation. It doesn't. You could do all kinds of things. You could buy a doll, you could be practicing, you could have social stories, you can do all of that. But at the end of the day, your child will at certain points feel jealous. They will feel angry. They might not know it's anger because they might not be able to say. So the one thing I would say to do proactively is prepare yourself for that and know that it will be okay. And actually they might tell you when they're older, depending on the age gap. Actually that did make me feel really, urgh you know, cause I didn't want a sibling. I talk from experience. They wouldn't ever change it. Biggest piece of advice is create something. As soon as you find out that there's going to be another baby, create something with your child or children that you know you can maintain once baby's here. And that will tend to be their one-to-one time. So you must make sure every day you carve out something like 10 to 15 minutes where it's just with them. And there will be that time, I know it sounds impossible, but there will be time, especially with newborns, usually, I'm not saying this is all newborns because sometimes they can be born with various different pains and complications. Some newborns do just cry and cry and cry, but mostly there will be time when baby is sleeping. And all these people will say, you should sleep when the baby sleep. I'm sorry if you have one already, that's the time to have your 15 minutes carved out one to one time. But going back to this thing you do with them from pregnancy or from the moment you know another child is coming. So we did movie night, because it was something I knew that I could do with a baby if I needed to have the baby with me. And I knew it was something that they looked forward to that didn't cost me really anything that I could achieve. So it needs to be really easily achievable and it needs to be something that they love. Some children love to do puzzles. Some children love to just play.  It needs to be something that's not weather dependent because when you're exhausted and you haven't slept and it's chucking it down, the last thing you want to do is go to the park most likely with a newborn.

Natasha (20:04)

Of course, yeah

Danielle (20:05)

So I use movie night as an example because it's very easily achieved. You can get whatever snacks you want. Even if you are really health conscious and you want it to be fruit and lovely things, you can create little fruit pictures and make it special. And that is something you can maintain. And if they've got that to look forward to every week, we're having movie night and it's special and it's your little thing that is consistent and it never changes. They need as many of those little things as possible, but even if it's just one, that's their thing. That is, you know, if it's a Friday night or a Saturday night or a Sunday afternoon. And the other great thing about doing something like a movie night is you don't need to do anything. Like you can just sit and eat and hug them and yeah that would be my biggest thing. And there are lots of other little things that you can research, know, talking to baby about how great their sibling is, finding things that they can help with that you know are really easy to achieve. I was reading somewhere about saying to the older sibling, like we really need to, I need help teaching the baby how to smile and yours is the best one. So if you could do that, that would be great because that takes the pressure off of me, obviously depending on their age. But honestly, movie night, like I cannot speak highly enough of doing something like that because it's something you can look forward to as well. And you can plan it far in advance if you're someone that likes to have things ready. You can say, we're going to watch these movies and you can pick out movies maybe that have new siblings, use them as a metaphor, but actually having that time and actively watching the movie as well. If you want to really push it, talking about what's happening, actually having conversations because that is a safe time for your child to be able to say, huh, this is happening. Why has that happened? And they'll usually bridge the gap. If there's something they've wanted to speak about, they'll usually find something as a kind of a catalyst and then tell you. you've carved that special time out for them. And baby can just be, baby can be on you, baby can be, you know, baby can be somewhere else. That's my biggest tip.

Natasha (22:13)

Yeah, absolutely, yeah. And keeping bedtime a routine. So important, right?

 Danielle (22:31)

Yes, however, there are definitely exceptions. You might have a brand new newborn baby and it might be this hot. And if you're putting pressure on yourself to keep the new routine with your older sibling, you're start to use language like, because you're stressed and because you're flustered, come on, because I really need to get back to the baby. Can you please be quiet? Because we don't want to wake the baby. You start to use that language much more quickly without thinking about it when you are stressed, especially about things like routines. So it is important, but if you can navigate and be ready that you might need to adapt for a little while. And again, it's that thing, it's taking the pressure off and expecting there to be issues that you just have to kind of say, okay today we didn't manage the routine and that's fine. You might end up with a baby that needs a stroll around the block. How would you manage that? So it's knowing what your older child really leans into for bedtime. So if you know that they need that bath, then that's going to become a non-negotiable. But actually, if something else isn't working, it's absolutely okay to change it. You're writing the rule book.

Natasha (23:34)

Yeah.

Danielle (23:54)

So I do, I love routine and I think it is important, especially with the older sibling, because again, they wanna hold onto the things that they can trust and expect, but you're not always gonna get it right. So take the pressure off. If the routine's not worked one night, that's okay. It's not all gonna fall apart. 

Natasha (24:59)

So Danielle, what's the story behind your TikTok presence and did you expect it to resonate with so many parents?

Danielle (25:05)

No, genuinely it was not something that I ever expected. So I realized really quickly as soon as the few kind of, I had a few viral videos and I very quickly realized that there are so many parents and parents to be or those thinking about becoming parents one day, who for whatever reason are terrified because they don't know what to do. They don't know the, even I would say the kind of, I don't wanna say the most basic because I don't think anything about raising a baby is basic at all, but the most beginner type stuff. Things like how to hold a baby, how to pick a baby up and. So I think it's that and it's been really nice that people have kind of unapologetically said, I have no idea what I'm about to get myself into and I just want someone to tell me. And so it's been really lovely to do that. I also think that there are lots of grandparents and aunts and uncles and best friends who want to show up for their people.

And so it's not just people who are planning to become parents themselves, it's the people that want to become the village actually really stepping up. And I have a massive emphasis on grandparents, especially the ones who say, I haven't done this in a while. And actually, I really want to have some idea of what I'm doing, not just so that I can support my child, but so that I can be the grandparent that I want to be. And that's, that's really lovely. I think the other reason why it's kind of picked up and had the kind of snowball effect that it has is actually because there are lots of people who maybe disagree. There is this thing called survivor's bias where people will usually say something, well, I did that and look, my children are all grown up now. There is that kind of friction there. And the thing about TikTok is when there's friction, all eyes are then on it. So it's not great when that happens. It's not always fun. But actually if that means that the people who want to evolve and learn and grow, me totally being one of them, find my page and grow right along with me, then that's happened for a reason and it's not such a bad thing. So yeah, I never expected it at all. But a very good friend of mine kept on saying, you need to get on TikTok, you need to get on TikTok.

Natasha (27:57)

Definitely, when I had Henry, if I could have just seeked out some videos just to know what to do. And I never forget the first night I said to my mum with this tiny baby again, what am I meant to do with it? Like, it's crying. And she was like, it's a baby. And I'm like, I know that, but like, someone help me. Where was the manual?

Danielle (28:14)

But you know what, for me, the scariest thing, and this happened with all four. So, you know, I'm supposed to be a seasoned pro at like babies, but every single one, I put them down in, and it's the first night home. It's not when I'm in the hospital, it's the first night home. You put them down in their Moses basket and you're like, okay, I'm gonna go to sleep now. But like, that doesn't feel right because I'm untethered. Like we're untethered because you're out of me and should I be sleeping because I feel like I should be watching you because how on earth are you going to just simply exist? And what if I haven't done all the things to make sure that that can happen safely and that you're hormonal? And usually if you have had any kind of a hospital stay, going home coincides with like that massive, massive drop in hormones where you get the kind of that baby blues bit. Where you do have that, oh my gosh, what have I done? What are we doing, what do I do? And that's that moment. That moment for me never goes and it does not matter how many I have. I'm always just sort of like, I don't know if I can sleep. And then I'm asleep within seconds because I'm exhausted. But the fear of just sitting on the edge of the bed and looking at them. And I will always say to my husband, and he's just so used to it. He's like, it's fine. Everything, you know this is going to be okay. It's just sort of sitting there kind of thinking I feel like I'm walking away from you and I shouldn't be. And everyone will have a different thing where it's the what have I done? What are we gonna do? How do I take you from this to the whole rest of your life? And actually, yeah, I mean, people are finding that social media, especially TikTok, is the place they then go to to be like, how do I deal with the first night? What do I do? What's gonna happen? What should I expect? 

Natasha

Bitesize information.

Danielle.

Yeah, it's quick. And you know, the nice thing is you can put the captions on, you can look at it in the dark, and it's information that's there when you need it.

So yeah, I guess that's why it's ended up becoming what it has, but I don't ever rest on my laurels with it. I don't know everything. Knowledge always changes. I'm constantly learning and trying to evolve to make sure that that information is always as accurate as possible. So hopefully it will continue to be.

Natasha (30:36)

A question I think would be really good to ask is where do you think parenting culture will go to in the next five years?

Danielle (30:49)

I’m really hoping that more parents will learn to just throw what they perceive as the rule book kind of out the window. And when I say the rule book, I mean the things that they deem as socially expected for new parents, taking the pressure off and just kind of, this is gonna sound so silly, but owning the moments that they have for themselves and not for anybody else. My biggest, and it's that thing, that's my hope because my worry is that social media is taking away a lot of parents' genuine time with their children. We see so many posts and pictures and they all look perfect. And that is following a really specific set of guidelines, right? If you're making these gorgeous, it's like, I'm gonna use the example of the first baby photos that people are having where moms have got like, they've given birth in rollers to have this. And I fell into that category. This was me. I was obsessed with this when I had my first and second, and it got to number three for me to throw that rule book that I'd made for myself out. I had makeup on in our like first baby photo. And then I sat down with myself and thought, why did I do that? What was that for? What was that for? That's not helping me. That's not helping someone else who's about to give birth. Who was that for? What that And it's the same with then every aspect of parenting life is having this kind of, at everything I've done and how perfect and clean and beautiful it is. Now that's not gonna help you. It's not gonna help you further down the line because eventually you are going to, you're gonna age, or you might not have as easy a time, or not easy, but you will have a different time then maybe with your second. You might not drop down to what you feel is your acceptable socially imposed weight. And then you're looking back at your own photos that you posted, thinking to yourself, how did I have it so right then? And you didn't. It was made up, you made it up. And not only is that damaging to your future self,

to think, gosh, I was so tiny then. And actually what you were really doing was posing well. You were, you were posing well. So you're damaging your future self and people who are watching you thinking, gosh, how has she done that? She looks so perfect. 

Natasha

And then they put the pressure on themselves 

Danielle

They put the pressure on themselves and it ripples and ripples and ripples. And then, now this one is the real, when your children look back on those photos and they think, my Mum was the perfect Mum. Look how great she looked. And that's my Mum. I should be like her. And it wasn't real. And are you gonna remember that it wasn't real if you're looking at those photos being like, God, yeah, I did look good, didn't I? And you're gonna forget that actually you were posing well and you did loads of makeup and you did this and you missed out on, you know, what you should have been doing, which is just spending time staring at your baby. So I'm hoping that actually parents come away from this need to be perfect or show the world that they're perfect because they're not, they're just not. It's not real. It isn't real and that's, I don't know if I see parenting culture going that way, but I, can I swear, bloody hope that's where it goes. I just want people to be themselves, especially if that's what they're documenting because your children are gonna see that and think that it's normal and it's not. Just be you. You don't have to be perfect, because you are making an unreal, you're setting an unreal, I can't talk. You are setting an unrealistic expectation for your own child. And you know you don't want that. You don't want it for anyone. that's, sorry. Rant over.

Natasha (34:59)

So obviously I do my awards every year and we hold the toy awards just before Christmas. What toys would you recommend for children?

Danielle (35:09)

So, oh my goodness, I am a massive fan of Love Every. Am I allowed to say that? 

Natasha 

Yeah, absolutely.

Danielle

I adore Love Every. It is stunning. And they are toys that really stand the test of time. I'm terrible because I do lose things. I'm always writing to them like, can I replace this? But they're brilliant. They're a great brand. The toys are exceptional. And they are things that will, I've kept for my grandchildren. And that sounds insane, I know, but they've gone through my children, my friends' children, and they still look brand new. And they're so open-ended. And actually, my fourth has autism. His play has always looked a little bit different to my older girls. And being able to just give him really open-ended toys and seeing how he interacts with them is lovely. And I think you only really get that with the really well thought out toys. And then there's a company called Sarah's Silks. Because they're so open-ended. They're just gorgeous.

Natasha (36:18)

So on the whole, open-ended toys.

Danielle (36:20)

Yeah, I think that it's so important for children to be able to properly navigate their own play and for it not to be something that's already set up for them. It needs to be imagination based and language based and something that they can really sink their teeth into. And the more open-ended the play and the more they get to actually, because it takes practice. They don't just go and do it. It's about supporting that and nurturing it and toys like the Love Every Toys, and the Sarah's silks. They completely paved the way for that. And they support parents as well. I don't know if you've seen the Love Every packs are so full of information. 

Natasha

So full, yeah. 

Danielle

You know, where is your baby? What age and stage? What other things you can be doing? You know, you don't have to use these all the time. You can use stuff around the house. And I just think actually any toy company that actually puts the parent and their knowledge and understanding at the heart of what they're doing is incredible. 

Natasha (37:19)

So this question comes from one of our readers. She says, my children love role play, but I hate it. I feel like at times I can understand that question. But she wants to build great core memories with her kids and she's worried that her hate is...

Danielle (37:38)

Yeah, this is really common. Yeah. Really common. Yeah, because we're exhausted and we're stretched as parents anyway and the idea of like having to do a small improv lesson is really odd. Especially when you watch stuff like Bluey and like, oh my gosh, the parents in Bluey and you're just like, I did a drama degree and they're there, like they have storylines and plot twists and sets and these ongoing dramas and I can't do that. So first of all, it's identifying that that is very normal, but actually, yeah, it is really important. It's not just the core memories, it's problem solving. It does pave the way really nicely for drama and theatre, which is important in any child's life. Improvisation and the use of imagination in it, the use of language and vocabulary in it is literally setting your child up for problem solving and thinking outside the box and, you know, going into really exciting different fields of business, like everyone I know that did, that I went to drama school with or did my drama degree with has gone on to do really, really incredible jobs and have careers, not necessarily even in like acting and stuff, but PR and all kinds of wonderful things. So it's not just these core memories that build so many skills, but it can be tedious. So I would say create within your home props that can take the load. So that is again, those open-ended things, having things like doctor's kits, toy kitchens, all that kind of stuff. And role play things that you actually enjoy or find really funny in your life because you'll naturally smile and you'll naturally kind of get into it. So for instance, my favorite role play is a trip to the health spa. And that was one that we actually bought into lockdown because I was pregnant with William. And actually they took it really seriously and it became a wellness Wednesday thing and they would like, we would like pretend candles and they would play music and they would get really into it and it was hilarious because I was just sat there like, they'd be like, what can I interest you in today? like, da da da. So yeah, find something that you find funny or fun or even like cafes because you can just sit there and watch, you've got your morning coffee. Let's play cafes. I'd like a cake with this, please. And just, you know, being silly with it. Also, you know, if you're really not liking it, use things like puppets and dolls and just direct them. So you don't have to take on a character. You can say, oh my goodness, Teddy, Teddy's lost. Like, where are we going to go? And he's on an adventure, but he's really tired and he's feeling sad. And the more you do it, the more it, you know, and go by them. So actually rather than waiting for them to ask you, can just say, can I watch what you're doing? And you'll see how they're playing and you can match that play to them. And so if you've got, some people say, you know, I hate role play and actually what they really hate is the unknown of, am I doing this right? How do I actually kind of match them where they are? And the answer to that is by watching them. It's their game, you don't have to come in with a storyline, you just kind of slot yourself in at their storyline, at their level. And you can make it funny. If you know something that's gonna make them laugh, do it, be silly. If you're playing doctors and you know that poop jokes make them laugh, have a patient that has got some kind of a poop problem because they will be rolling around the floor laughing and it's that that they remember. They always find it fun when things go wrong. So if you remember little things like that, you know your kids, you know what buttons to press to make them giggle. And usually it's like, this has gone terribly, terribly wrong. And also someone's just done a pop off, which is what we call farts basically, they love it. And they think that that's great. And actually just use those little tools and it's less difficult. Also set a timer. Like you don't have to do it for hours on end. Just say, okay, I am going to come and play, but I've only got 10 minutes. Get a sand timer, put something on the phone that's visual. And then when the alarm goes off, you're free as a bird and you can go and do whatever else you were doing before. It doesn't have to go on for hours, but you might find actually that you get so into it. 

Natasha (42:12)

So a question I ask everybody who comes on to the Project Baby podcast is what is your love language?

Danielle (42:20)

Quality time. Yeah 100% and I learned that really, really early on because I couldn't figure out why I was so bad at gift giving and why I felt so uncomfortable with all the other languages. Like some of them, know, I don't mind things like physical touch and all of that, but they make me feel awkward if I'm not completely, you know, with people I know. But quality time. If someone says, can I pop over for a cup of tea. And I'm like, yay the love me. The really lovely thing about knowing what your love language is, is watching your children kind of have theirs emerge too and finding that actually when theirs matches yours, that's such a lovely thing. Such a lovely thing. But I love that question because if you know your love language and you know theirs, your parenting journey and all the things that feel like a massive mystery kind of aren't. Because you get parents say all the time, I just don't feel like we connect sometimes. Especially in that tricky spot between about the ages of maybe seven to about 14, they go through a lot and they change a lot. They're trying to become more independent and you sort of sometimes feel like you don't know them because they're not that tiny little squidgy thing they once were. If you know their love language and you can do the quizzes and you can find out just by watching them and learning from them, you can meet them where they are and talk about it with them and repair some of the kind of rift that actually aging up can cause. And I'm not saying that happens all the time, but it's definitely something I've witnessed with mine so far is that kind of bit of time where they just start to come away a bit where they're getting their independence. But yeah, if you know that for one of your children it's gift giving and yours isn't, that you're gonna need to tailor what you're doing with them. And yeah, it's incredible to really consider because just that little tweak, just knowing that changes everything.

Natasha (44:28)

Yeah, absolutely. It has been an absolute pleasure. We could talk for hours.

Danielle (44:32)

Yeah, no, I waffle a lot. But thank you so much for having me.

Natasha (44:37)

Thank you so much for coming on to the Project Baby podcast. If our followers would like to find more about yourself, where should we send them?

Danielle (44:45)

So just look for Enchanted Nanny, TikTok, Instagram. I am very responsive to messages, particularly on Instagram. So I'm always there. And if I can't answer the question, I will point you towards many lovely experts in a village that I've ended up in, that will be able to help. So yeah, we're always there.

Natasha (45:09)

And thank you so much for joining the Project Baby podcast today. Don't forget to hit the subscribe button and give us a follow. And we'll see you on the next episode.