Birth Prep 101: How to feel confident and ready for labour and delivery

Birth Prep 101: How to Feel Confident and Ready for Labour with My Expert Midwife Charlotte

In this episode of the Project Baby Podcast, we’re joined by expert midwife Charlotte to guide you through the real birth prep every parent needs. It’s easy to get caught up in planning for baby’s arrival — but what about preparing for the birth itself?

This episode is your go-to guide for those final weeks before labour. We’ll help you feel truly ready — not just to bring baby home, but to confidently navigate your birth experience with knowledge, calm, and support.

Transcript

Natasha (00:00)

This episode is brought to you by BioGaia, a probiotic brand trusted by families like yours. From newborn drops to daily support for all ages, BioGaia is one of the world's most researched probiotics, available at larger Boots stores. Welcome back to the Project Baby podcast. We are sitting and talking with Charlotte from MyExpertMidwife. Welcome. Thank you for coming. 

Charlotte (00:22)

Thank you for having me.

Natasha (00:30)

We plan our homes for this new arrival.and we do so much prep for baby, but do we do enough for ourselves?

Charlotte (00:37)

No, definitely not. And I think planning recovery is so important, however you have your baby, because it's like a marathon, isn't it? You'd plan your marathon and you'd plan your recovery. But when you have a baby, you never actually know what outcome you're going to have. So of course you could end up with a relatively low risk, straightforward birth, but you could end up with major abdominal surgery. And of course,it's the only surgery that you then go home to care for a newborn. And your recovery then sometimes goes to the back of your mind. So what's really important is that your family, your partner, your friends are there for you. And I really do believe that you can plan recovery because it's basic things like thinking about your home, know, what have you got in it? Have you got your basic comfortable bed and pillows and where do you picture yourself with your newborn? I remember with mine, I ended up having like a nominated chair that I would sit in for every feed until I got confident with it.

Natasha (01:50)

Yeah. And what can our partners do to help that recovery a little bit more?

Charlotte (01:55)

So much. So my top tips for partners are, be there emotionally. Be there for the drinks and the snacks because you know having a newborn, the tiredness and fatigue just takes over. So you want all the gorgeous snacks, all your favourite drinks. And then of course, shall we let them do the nappies? Yeah. And maybe some of the feeding, obviously.

Natasha (02:21)

Yeah, of course.

Charlotte (02:26)

It depends how you want to feed. If women are breastfeeding, then there is a lot of that on them. But of course, many women now combination feed or of course formula feed. So they can help with that preparation, the sterilizing, the making the feeds up. And I think knowing the best thing about partners is they know you before you've had that baby. So if you're – perhaps - personality is changing after birth or if you're significantly sad, not wanting to do normal sort of activities, you know, crying a lot, maybe not taking care of yourself. That's where partners are so special because they often will know you best. Yeah. And then we'll pick up on perhaps a mood change.

Natasha (03:17)

So that does lead me on to a question. So I did suffer with post-natal depression myself, but if we spoke to my husband, he would say, I just didn't know where to go or who to talk to, to reach out for help after that midwife had left. And I would very much be like, you just didn't give me the help I needed. And he's like, I didn't know what do. I didn't know what signs I was really looking for. So let's run through the signs.

Charlotte (03:39) 

So some really clear signs are withdrawing from normal activities. So, you know, maybe not wanting to shower or dress or even get out of bed. Maybe being really tearful. So crying most days, most nights. Not engaging with baby. So not making eye contact, not wanting the cuddles. And sometimes that's fine because we all go through phases of needing our own time, but it's when it's prolonged.

You know, maybe not even wanting to go outside for fresh air and really not taking care of yourself. And then of course, any intrusive thoughts. So really saying that you're, you know, feeling down or frightened or worried that you're going to harm yourself or your baby. But the best thing is, there is loads of support.

And I'm not sure why some partners struggle to know how to get that support. Perhaps it's midwives that we need to be more clearer or health visitors, but your first port of call is always your GP. So sometimes going together works really well. I think sometimes it's the first lifting up the phone and ringing and making that appointment.

Natasha (05:02)

Yeah. Because I think from my side is I found it so difficult to say I'm really unhappy and I need help. Like, and I knew I was in a really, really bad place. And my husband knew I was in a bad place. I don't think he, he would say he knew that he could pick up the telephone for me, and do you know what I mean? And I think even I wouldn't have even got out of the house to go to the GP. But can your partner call up?

Charlotte (05:31)

Absolutely, yeah, I've had them calls myself when I've worked in GP surgeries and you know sometimes there's confidentiality and getting through the sort of loopholes but if you're a next of kin and you're ringing to say I'm worried about my wife, this is a date of birth, this is her address, the person on the end of that phone will take the call.

And whether it's a receptionist or it goes through to a GP, a nurse practitioner, we're going to listen because you're acting in their best interests. And we always do that either for parents, grandparents, children, because we can, but ultimately then needs to be the woman that wants that help. So interesting you were saying that you felt like you maybe would never have left your home. Well, of course, a GP could have done a home visit.

Natasha (06:19)

Yeah.

Charlotte (06:20)

or a health visitor could have come round. And the best thing now, and I think we've learned a lot since that global pandemic we had, there's so much access to things on the telephone. You know, there's talking therapies, you can get counselling sessions. And I don't think a lot of people know this, but you are a priority if you've had a baby or a child up to the age of two in the whole of the UK. That is, for mental health services, you are a priority.

And that's because we know statistically that it is such a difficult, challenging time and many women are going through this. It's actually Birth Trauma Association Week. you know, we're talking about this a lot. ⁓ And I think the key is to talk. But even when I say it, I know that that's not always easy.

Natasha (07:08)

Yeah.

It's not easy, but it is essential.

Charlotte (07:14)

Yeah and I think that maybe some women are worried that we're going to judge you as a mother.

Natasha (07:21)

I think that's it. think lots of parents feel like we're to have this baby. It's a natural thing. And we're to naturally just be really good at it. And we're meant to naturally just fall into place and just be this beautiful mom with our newborn babies. But actually sometimes reality that doesn't always feel like that. And that is okay. So we know that dads can do a lot to help us during those times. So that's really, really good information.

And how long do midwives visit after the birth?

Charlotte (07:52)

So it really varies, depending on obviously how you're doing with your recovery, your feeding, your baby's needs. But on average, it's about 10 to 14 days. A midwife's remit is normally maximised at about 28 days. So once, know, baby's about a month old, we really need to be sort of saying bye-bye and handing over to a health visitor.

But there's so many other areas of care, know, health visitors often work from clinic centres, they'll do home visits. I think the thing is, it's so variable. You know, I speak to people from all over the UK who will say that there's really good services where they are. And then unfortunately you'll speak to some women that'll say there's just not that there. But there is always sort of national charities and...

There's so many and we can add them at the end, can't we, where you can reach out for support if that extended support is needed.

Natasha (08:47)

Yeah, absolutely. And I think that's really key information for everybody to know that it is out there and it's available to everybody and just know where to reach it. You can absolutely list those. That's not a problem. Recovery as important as the birth.

Charlotte (09:05)

100% yeah. I think, you know, going through birth, whether you've had a vaginal delivery or a caesarean section, a water birth, your body has done this amazing thing. You know, the chances are it's grown this baby for nine months. And it still fascinates me every day when I work on a delivery suite that one woman can walk in and have one experience and the next woman will walk in and have something really different.

But their recoveries still deserve everything. And, you know, as a midwife, it's basic needs sometimes and reminding women that, you know, it is okay to take yourself off every day for a bath or a shower when you feel fit. And that's the key, isn't it? Because if women have a caesarean section, they all vary. Some women are wanting a bath a week postpartum, others don't feel safe or happy to bath for several weeks.

But no matter how you birth your baby, you need to keep sort of clean. You know, the chances are you might have some element of stitches or grazes or of course a wound. So we would always encourage that washing, cleaning and drying the area. And then it's really basic needs. So it's making sure that you're staying hydrated, you know, at least you two litres of water a day. You're staying on top of the old...constipation because no one wants that after birth. Obviously, if you've got stitches down there, you know, we get so many questions about, I'm really frightened about the first poo. And, I get it. You know, especially when you've squeezed a baby out and if you're feeling a bit sore down below. And then of course, your basic nutrition and in your recovery, you know, obviously listening to that advice from healthcare professionals. So some women are sent home with injections to reduce that risk of blood clots, some women are sent home maybe with antibiotics because things have gone on in labour and of course pain relief. Then of course, know, recovery is so variable for every woman. You know, some women really, really never feel the same again and believe that it's a total change to their whole body, their spiritual body, their physical body, because you're not who you were.

Especially if it's your first baby. You become a new version of you, don't you? 

Natasha

You become a mother. 

Charlotte

And you know, some people will say like, when will I feel like me again? And that is such a hard answer because I don't know if you can ever go back to that. I couldn't. I think you become a new, hopefully better version of

Natasha (11:45)

Yeah. Definitely,

Yeah. No, yeah, that is actually really true. I don't think you can. I don't think you can. So we've got some questions as well. Are home births safe?

Charlotte (11:54)

Yeah.

Yes, they are so safe. So home birth is lovely. I had one with my second and absolutely loved it. ⁓ And it is statistically proven to be a safe place to birth your baby if you have had what we call a low risk pregnancy. So you're not on any medications, you've not got any significant historical conditions and things have been well for you and your baby.

⁓ So home birth is a lovely choice. And I think the best thing is, is if you're thinking about having a home birth, do your research. So work out wherever you live in the world or the country and decide, you know, if you did need to go to a hospital, how far away is that from your home? And is a home birth service actually provided in the area that you live? ⁓ What would be your sort of plan?

B and maybe even a plan C because I used to work on a home birth team for many years up in West Yorkshire and I went to hundreds of amazing home births and then a select few that you know slightly needed a different plan but that's fine and the thing is that we always say as midwives when you get a midwife that's at your home birth you're getting an expert

Charlotte (13:21)

They're there because they're fascinated with normal, low risk birth. So their absolute expertise is to pick up on anything that they're not quite happy about. And they would always discuss that with you, woman and or your partner. And then a plan would be made if you did need to transfer. But absolutely, they're lovely. It was funny when I had my second at home, he's 11 now.

My husband, whenever we'd meet any other friends that were pregnant, they might be six weeks, eight weeks, he would be saying straight away, are you a home birth? you having a birth? Be like, they've just found out they're pregnant. 

Natasha (14:01)

He obviously enjoyed it.

Charlotte

Oh he loved it. And I think the beauty is after having your baby at home, if all is well and you've got the outcome that you wanted, getting in your own shower and getting in your own bed.

Natasha

Maybe for the dad, just feels like there's not so many professions around to interfere, but just kind of, they're able just to be a unit.

Charlotte (14:21)

Exactly. And our son was born just after midnight and everything was fine and we were both like, when the midwives went, we were like, even though I'm a midwife, I was like, what do we do now? And we were like, should we just go to bed? And we just put the baby down and went to bed. It felt so bizarre. think I woke up in the night and I was like, oh, I've had him always there.

Natasha (14:45)

I  Love that. ⁓ This question is about hospital. How will I know when to come into hospital?

Charlotte (14:52)

I love this question. We get it all the time. So first of all, there is midwives on delivery suite, 24 hours a day. And I have been on many shifts where I've spoke to a woman 11 times before she's come in and that's fine, or three times. And of course your partner can phone. So we're always there. And we are there to answer them questions because women will say, but how will I know? How will I know when I'm in labor?

Well, there's some classic sort of, you know, soap opera, movie film. Occasionally, you know, if your waters go with the pot, I'd like to think you're ringing us to A, tell us that that's happened and B, we're going to ask what colour are they? How are your pads? Midwives were obsessed with talking about everything. We want to see the pad. We want to know the colour. We sometimes smell it. Yes, we do. And the reason why we do that is to really give you that answer. Is it your waters or have you just had a little wee-accident?

A little urine accident. And then of course it might be that you're phoning because you're having pains. And obviously pains can come and go and we know that. They can be a part of labour that's called the latent phase where it's a bit stop start and that can be exhausting for women. But generally women are choosing to phone or their partners are phoning because they're getting a pattern. And what we'll say on the phone to you is, how are you coping?

You know, how often are them surges, contractions, pains, whatever you want to call them. Tell us in your birth plan, you know, if you're hypnobirthing or you're wanting the epidural the minute you arrive, because that's fine too. And we just talk you through it. But I think the key is in pregnancy, try and read as much as you possibly can, learn as much as you possibly can, go to antenatal classes if they're available or research the downloadable options that are available. Because there is so much information out there that's available.

Natasha (16:55)

And it's available on social media and just in little bite size, is so much easier to absorb the information sometimes.

Charlotte (17:03)

Well, we know like social media searching, it's they're going to all their engines aren't they?

Natasha (17:09)

Definitely, yeah, just little snapshots. Got my answer. Done.

Charlotte (17:13)

Absolutely. Although I would always caveat that, make sure it's from a good source.

Natasha (17:17)

Yes,  reputable source,

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Natasha (18:03)

What's the best position to labour in?

Charlotte (18:07)

So we are mammals. So I could tell you a position and you could be like Charlotte, absolutely not. That is not for me. The thing is you have to listen to your body. Now some women will automatically want to go on all fours or squat or kneel or sort of curl over a sofa, a bed, a hospital bed, but other women...if they're thinking that they want, you know, the pain relief and epidural, ⁓ ultimately probably going to end up on their back. Now we do know certain positions will help in terms of gravity. So that's squatting, all fours, leaning over things. Naturally, that's going to help that baby's head come down more. But ultimately, it's up to you. And the beauty is in birth, you can generally try any position you want.

Obviously when women choose to labour in water, they become what we call buoyant. So they naturally move about, they'll naturally open their hips really wide, they'll squat more, they relax their shoulders. But it's often down to pain relief where you're at. I hate to say this like how you're coping, but that is a personal answer. And it's like what I've said earlier, you know, some women will just do it different to others.

So is there a best position? No, I don't think there is. Try it all, that's why.

Natasha (19:32)

Just  lots of different ones.

How can I help my recovery if I tear?

Charlotte (19:38)

Good one. So the key is with tears is to keep them clean and dry. And you know, we know not all tears need what we call sutures or stitches. Some of them end up being like a graze and we leave them because we know that they will naturally heal together. But some women will end up with extensive stitching or of course a wound from a caesarean section. So keeping clean and dry is the absolute minimum.

I also like to say to women, have a look. You know, some women are like, oh, I can't look down there, no way. But I encourage it, if you dare, just with a little pocket mirror, you know, if you've had an episiotomy, so that's when you cut or if you've ended up with stitches, because if you look at it, say on day one or day two, I'd like to think that by day five or day eight, you're looking again and it's starting to improve.

But the key is if you're worried about the healing, so if it's suddenly getting more painful or there's a strange smell or it's suddenly got, let's not do, we don't like this word, but puss, know, oozing, green, yellow coming out of it, that's not okay. Now, midwives, when we visit, we will offer to look at your wound if you've had a C-section or we'll offer to look down below.

And some women, you're not interested, you you're busy feeding your baby or you're tired. And I get that as well. But again, it's keeping it clean, keeping it dry. And of course spritz for bits, because then you've got your witch hazel, your tea tree and your lavender.

Natasha (21:16)

Yeah, nice. So one of your best sellers is Spritz for Bits. Why is it so good? Tell us more.

Charlotte (21:23)

I'll tell you everything. It is the OG. It is your hospital bag hero. Spritz for Bits is like bottling up all your favourite antis. So it's anti-inflammatory, anti-bacterial and anti-microbial. And that is because of the essential oils that we have blended in it. So it's witch hazel, tea tree and lavender. Now we get the questions, we get them all, you know, will it sting? No.

We're midwives, so it's midwife developed. We sit around the table, we design every single ingredient and product. But Spritz for Bits is so special because it's the way it's delivered. So it's got this fantastic spray that literally sprays the area. So when you're going for that first wee after birth and you feel like you've been kicked by a horse or you've got some stitches or it all, you know, just feels a bit stingy.

As you're passing urine, you can literally spritz your bits. You can use it as much as you want. What we always say is don't soak an area. So, you know, if you're doing it on a C-section wound, you can once the dressing has been removed, but we're talking just a few sprays and then almost letting it air dry before you dress. And the reason for that is because we know a wet environment would breed bacteria and increase that risk of infection. But it has won loads of awards now. The five-star reviews speak for themselves. It really is the hospital bag essential.

Natasha (22:58)

So let's talk about Perineal massage. When should you do it? It's a bit taboo, right?

Charlotte (23:04)

I know and it still amazes me that people don't want to talk about the perineum. So the guys call it the gooch just for anyone listening that has no idea what we're talking about. So on a woman it's called the perineum but we call it perineal massage. So the perineum is the skin between the vagina and the anus and we know typically as midwives that it often tears during birth.

Or you might end up with an episiotomy, which is the cut that we do sometimes to aid delivery. So perineal massage is when we massage that skin and you can do that from 35 weeks. Now I can see you nodding and you're thinking, but why? To reduce that risk of tearing. Because like anything, if we've got a piece of skin and we add in moisture, we're going to increase that skin elasticity.

So when that baby's head's coming out, that piece of skin, and there's a muscle behind it as well, it's had added moisturiser, it's had the action. So to actually do it, I always describe it like this. So if the anus is here and this is the vagina, it's literally massaging that skin in between. Now women can do it themselves, either with a thumb or a finger or two. Obviously you're battling that bump at 35 weeks, so you kind of have to get comfortable.

I did it with my first and I tend to like prop a foot up on the bath. I used to do it on an evening after showering. Some women asked their partners. My husband was like, no, I'm not doing that. And that's fine. Each to their own. It shouldn't be sore, but it's consistency. And the key numbers are 35. So from 35 weeks for three to five minutes, about three to five times a week.

And this literal action of adding in an oil, you know, a food grade oil or a midwife developed oil like this, sweeping it, gently pulling it down is going to increase that elasticity so that hopefully when baby's head comes through, it reduces that risk of significant tears.

Natasha (25:18)

So does my ex-midwife have an oil?

Charlotte (25:20)

We do. And it's called? It's called peri prepyourbits. It's 100 % natural, developed by midwives and is perfect for perineal massage. And it's also, you know, we know that the evidence tells us that even if you do end up with a small tear or a graze or stitches, your healing is going to be improved because you've added that elasticity back to them tissues. 

Natasha (25:47)

So I'm sure lots of our listeners have watched One Bourne Every Minute and you were on that.

Charlotte (25:54)

I was. It feels like a lifetime ago. ⁓ But yeah, so I had my daughter on there. She's nearly 14. And do know what? When we look back now and watch it as a family, it's really special. I remember them, you know, setting up and filming, because I was obviously pregnant. And my manager at the time was like, well, of course you're to be filmed, aren't you? And I was like, ⁓ I've not really thought about it.

And when I first went home, my husband was not up for it at all. And then actually I sort of said, but I want to see myself. You this is my first baby. I'm a midwife, but I've never had a baby. So yeah, it was, was great. And on the episode, I didn't quite get the birth that I wanted. She was a bit of a tinker and pooed in the waters. It's called meconium.

So that kind of threw my water birth out and that's where my plan B had to come in. But it was, you know, I had a normal delivery. The beauty of it was my best friend got to care for me, which was so special. And now, you know, when we watch it and we look back, it was just wonderful. Actually being filmed as a midwife, obviously in pregnancy, and then when I went back after my first, that was quite hard.

I think you're very aware all day or all night, whatever shift you're working, that you're being observed and you're probably doing everything right, but you get a bit paranoid, like even if you just want to pick your nose or, you know, scratch your bum. You're constantly thinking, ⁓ but it was a fantastic experience. I think the thing is, one born every minute, some women love it because they want to see what women go through.

Charlotte (27:43)

Other women are probably a bit nervous to watch it, but I think they've done a really good series there. They've shown a whole range of births and outcomes. So yeah, it was a fantastic experience. 

Natasha (27:54)

And have you worked it as well? 

Charlotte (28:10)

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So working after I had my first baby, you know, going back and being filmed and, you know, there was an episode that I looked after a couple and the baby got a bit stuck. It's called a shoulder dystocia. So that was quite a hard hitting episode, but we do know it happens. And I think that's the thing with birth and that whole title, we've been sat here, there is literally a baby born every minute in the world. And that still fascinates me. But if you want to see any types of experiences, that's where you should go.

Natasha (28:32)

It’s a great p[lace to go yeah absolutely. And like a little peephole into the birthing room. So think about packing a hospital bag for a new mum that just feels a bit clueless. She's not sure what to pack or she feels like she's got everything. What are the key things she needs in that bag?

Charlotte (28:48)

So from a midwife, we would always say, first of all, try and have it ready around 35 to 36 weeks and do it with your birth partner so that they know what things are called, where things are and do it together. You might unpack it and repack it a million times until you're happy with everything, but think really basic. And the thing is hospitals, they don't have a lot of space.

So I've looked after some couples that literally come in with giant suitcases, car seats, extra bags. It's really tight generally in the UK. So think minimal. Baby does not need a lot, maybe two outfits, but again, go through with your partner what things are called. Cause I've said to many partners, can you pass me a baby grow please? And they don't know what one is. A vest, they don't know what things are called. So go through it. I quite like little individual bags in the bag. So obviously for mum, you need something comfy for labour. So whether that's some baggy pyjamas or a nightie, or if you're planning a water birth, maybe a bikini, but naked is fine. We're all about the nakedness in maternity. Then of course you want, you know, your pads. You can never have enough maternity pads and it's the bigger, the better ones.

not the period menstruation ones, the maternity ones. Big knickers. We don't want to see a thong. We want big knickers and often, you know, disposable or really old are great. I also say bring in a dark towel for yourself because you're going to be bleeding after birth. No matter how you birth your baby, do not bring a brand new fresh white towel. You want all your little toiletry bits. So of course, your basics, your deodorant, your toothpaste.

Midwife top tip is things like a decent lip-sole because when you use gas and air, it really dries you out. A long cable for your charger for your phone because hospitals, the plugs are at the other side of the bed. And a little bit of a luxury, but I think they're really useful is the little mobile fans and a large sports beaker so that you can fill it with water or juice. Because I don't know about the hospitals around here, but where I work, the cups that we give out are like this big. you need all the drinks. And then for baby, you know, a couple of outfits. So your vests, your baby grows a couple of nappies. Check where you're having your baby. Because if you are choosing to formula feed, some hospitals expect you to pack your own milk. But of course, if you forget anything, we will always try and help you.

I've got to say Spritz Tor Bits. It is that hospital bag essential! And snacks because in labour, if you fancy snacking hospital meals, they're not the best and it might be the middle of the night or of course your partner. Now my husband also wanted his own little bag and he just had a really small rucksack. He wanted a spare t-shirt. He wanted his toothbrush and he wanted his deodorant and that's his little thing because he wanted to freshen up. He also had lots of snacks, because he was like, I'm tired, I'm hungry. But I think, know, go basic. There's lots of downloadable hospital bag checklists that you can get. But of course, ask your midwife as well if you've got any questions about anything.

Natasha (32:21)

So the question I do ask everybody who comes onto the podcast is one question, is what is your love language?

Charlotte (32:28)

I think my love language has got to be like touch. I just love like a cuddle, a handhold. I'm very touchy feeling like with my kids. My teenager now, you she's running out the door in the morning. I'm like, give me a cuddle, give me a kiss. And even, you know, with my husband, I'm easily pleased with a handhold or a touch of the shoulder. Because there's many ways, isn't there, that people feel it. I'm not big into presents or surprises. Just hold my hand and give me a kiss and I'm good.

Natasha (32:41)

Yeah.

And for any of our listeners who would like to find out more about ⁓ My Expert Midwife, whereabouts can they go?

Charlotte (33:04)

You can see us everywhere. We are stocked in John Lewis, Boots, Asda, Sainsbury's, Morrison's. You can find us on our website. You can see us on TikTok or Instagram and send us a DM or message us. And we're always there. We are literally midwives there to answer any question you or your partner have got.

Natasha (33:24)

I love that. Thanks for joining us today on the Project Baby podcast. Don't forget to subscribe and we'll see you on the next episode.