Family, Magic & The Enchanted Nanny

The Enchanted Nanny and Natasha, host of The Project Baby Podcast, come together to share the magic behind creating meaningful family traditions. From everyday rituals to special moments that last a lifetime, they “tell all” about how families can build connection, memories, and joy. This podcast blends warmth, wisdom, and a little enchantment to inspire families to start traditions of their own.

Transcript

Natasha (00:00)

This episode is brought to you by BioGaia, a probiotic brand trusted by families like yours. From newborn drops to daily support for all ages, BioGaia is one of the world's most researched probiotics, available at larger Boots stores. So we're back here today at the Project Baby podcast and today we're talking with Danielle from the Enchanted Danny. We're talking all things Christmas. We are. Let's start with Christmas traditions.

Danielle (00:22)

We are.

Yeah, I have a lot. ⁓ So one of my biggest things with Christmas traditions, and this is something that parents-to-be or parents of very young children need to cotton onto now, ⁓ find as many free or reusable Christmas traditions as possible, because then when you're coming into the Christmas period, they're gonna be excited about those things and they're not costing you anything. So if you do it now, great.

Natasha (00:29)

Have you got some?

Anything? Yes.

Danielle (00:57)

So one of our free Christmas traditions is that there's a street near where we live that goes to town and every single house isn't just decorated, it's over the top decorated and it's a charity and we always choose a day that we're going to go and spend lots of time looking at each house individually and usually if you pick the right day there might be a Santa there and they might be giving out some sweets and things

but the kids love it, it costs us nothing and we can make as much or as little of it as we want to. So if we're feeling particularly flush that year, maybe we'll do it after we've gone out for a meal. ⁓ But most of the time we'll just make a flask of cocoa and go look at the Christmas lights. It's the best. And they ask, so every year when the lights start going up, they start talking about it. I won't say the road because it's already inundated. But.

If anyone lives in Bournemouth, they'll know. They'll know. And they always say, are we gonna go? When are we gonna go? When's it happening? ⁓ And that's a really big one for them. And it costs nothing.

Natasha (02:04)

Nothing at all. We have a Christmas edition on Christmas Eve. So every Christmas Eve, the whole family, no matter big or small, they watch The Muppets Christmas Carol. And we all sit down, mince pies, fill up, and we always watch The Muppets Christmas Carol on Christmas Eve. Yeah. And even my 20 year old comes back and like, he's going out to watch The Muppets Christmas Carol and then he can go and do whatever he wants. ⁓

Danielle (02:22)

And it's so perfect.

It's just like,

just think doing that and the things that involve the senses as well. So if you are doing something that is at home and it's free or you're going out, Christmas in particular is such a time of, that smell reminds me of, my goodness, when I smell the tree, you if you've got a real tree, ⁓ that smell.

Natasha (02:55)

Are a real tree

or are you a fake tree?

Danielle (02:58)

Um, oh, okay, right. So I do love a tree. However, I have heard so many people say that they've had this lovely real tree and everything's been great and they've woken up one morning and it has been covered in spiders. Spiders. So I don't know what it is. I, I mean,

Natasha (03:12)

spiders!

I've experience with spiders and have had a Christmas tree.

Danielle (03:20)

⁓

I have had one, but like you are bringing in a piece of nature. So there's always a risk that there's going to be something in there.

Natasha (03:29)

My sister did have a shrew one year in her Christmas tree. She got it all the way home and realised it was a shrew. What did do? The shrew was out of the house pretty quick with the shrew. yeah, she did.

Danielle (03:35)

In the truth.

But that's the thing, but for me, I'm a severe arachnophobe. Spiders really terrify me. And I'm sort one of those people where if I hear one person tell a story, it's kind of enough to freak me out. But if it's like three plus, I make a rule then of I'm not risking it, it's not happening. ⁓ So.

Every year I say the same thing, I'm gonna get one of those really hyper realistic looking trees, but actually we we ended up

We couldn't find the base of our Christmas tree this one year and we were in the attic, we were pulling everything down, everything got really stressful. We ended up going up to Ikea and it was right before Christmas, we'd had a really late year putting it up. We found a 12 pound, it had been reduced. It looks randomly really real and it's like seven foot. And it's not like the most ridiculous tree in the world.

But we've had it for years now and we can't seem to like move on from it because we're like, well it was 12. Yeah, it was and it was just, it had just gone in the sale. It was really random. But yeah, one day I will treat the family to like a really real looking one. So I have fully immersed myself in the Halloween is done. The next day the tree goes up. I'm an early bird.

Natasha (04:44)

Best 12 pounds spent.

Do you have a set day that you put the Christmas tree up?

My son's birthday is on the 1st of December. So he has his birthday, then the tree.

Danielle (05:12)

think that's absolutely fine. And it is, each to their own. My thing is about increasing the amount of joy. And so if you've already got more things to look forward to, and actually, do you know what?

I tell a lie, it's not the first day after Halloween. We usually get bonfire night out of the way because it's another like festivity. But usually by the time Halloween has happened, at the very least, a lot of lights have gone up because I just like the idea that you go through autumn, you get to Halloween and we have quite a twinkly Halloween. Like it's very much celebrated in our house, but it's more of a kind of practical magic style. ⁓

Natasha (05:33)

Yeah.

Are you

Halloween or like are you Christmas? Like if you could pick? I know I'm sorry I mean but I seem to ask this to all my friends at the moment like Halloween or Christmas? I'm Christmas.

Danielle (05:58)

No, that's so difficult.

I really

love Halloween. ⁓ think the pressure is off of the children for Halloween and so they just get to really enjoy it for what it is. And I think for me personally, I learned so much about my kids during the run up to Halloween because they're talking about what they want to dress up as, what friends they want to invite over, where the best places to go trick or treating and how they found that out. And you're just learning all this stuff from their experience.

experiences that maybe you didn't know they knew, particularly with the friends, like, I want to go out this year with this person, can they come over? And you always get those opportunities to know who they've been hanging around with at school, particularly if they're going through that kind of awkward stage where they're kind of independent from about the age of like eight to a year. ⁓

Natasha (06:57)

Yeah

Danielle (06:59)

So for me, Halloween, the pressure is off the child. No one's giving them anything. So already that kind of social anxiety of, oh, I've got to be really, really grateful and perform. Whereas Halloween is so for the children in, like obviously I'm not saying that the scariest stuff is, but, and I also think it's the, Christmas is the same, I get it.

But with Halloween, my 16 year old...

and my four year old and my eight year old and my 12 year old all come together and they're in control of it. How are going to decorate the house this year? What are we going to have in the front garden? Like they fully immerse themselves in the kind of festivity and the imagination of it all together. Whereas I think for Christmas they're relying a lot more on me to kind of make it magic and that's fine. But I'm really guided thoroughly by them.

when it's Halloween and I think that's why I love it so much is you do get all of the ridiculousness and all of the colour and all of that excitement without any pressure and I'm fully...

immersed in all of it because I'm not stressing about making great big dinner or buying all the presents or making sure that the house is spotless. I'm just there enjoying a little bit of trick or treating or we always have a disco because it falls around my daughter's birthday so we kind of merge the two. Merge the two together. I know I love it. I love Halloween so much but it doesn't that doesn't diminish at all from how much I love Christmas because I really do but I love the magic of Halloween.

Natasha (08:44)

So let's talk more about traditions. What other traditions do you do for Christmas? Let's have look.

Danielle (08:49)

So since I was six, we've been playing this game called Frustration. And it's not necessarily limited to Christmas. It can be like somebody's birthday or boxing day is a big one as well.

we'll have a family gathering around somebody's house. And the question is always who is bringing the frustration? So everyone's got their own version. And we've got like Star Wars frustration and Disney frustration, all just like the standard. And we've got one that's really old because sometimes they change the popper and that's not okay. ⁓

But my family take it very, very seriously. So I think it's the premise of Ludo, which is the idea that you've got four counters and you've got to get each of those four counters all the way around a square board and get them at home. And everyone is trying to do that, but you also are able to land on people and get them out. And it's all about what you're getting with the dice. So with my family, ⁓ it becomes quite vicious. ⁓

And always in the funniest way because you'll have somebody, you know, they might have spent an hour going all the way around this board and it might be their last counter and they've got to roll a very specific number to get home. But then everyone else on that board is trying to roll a specific number to get them out so that they have to start all over again. Then you have the addition of the money you put on the board. Teaching the children.

Natasha (10:10)

Yeah.

into gamble.

Danielle (10:20)

Yeah, so when I... This was a genome... Yeah, yeah.

Natasha (10:26)

Get them gambling young.

Danielle (10:28)

So

bad. But I used to use my Christmas money. So I was learning about like, well, okay, if I put 10 pounds in and I win, I'm immediately 30 pounds up. And I was learning that at like eight. So we limit it, you and sometimes we'll get them to put chocolate in and stuff like that. But yeah, the gambling at Christmas is a tradition in my family. And it doesn't matter if you're like 80 or eight.

you're in that game. You're in. Yeah. ⁓ Great for number recognition though. I'm just learning about money and ⁓ risk and all of the forward planning. But yeah, it's probably not the most, ⁓ yeah, you over love it or you hate it, but...

Natasha (11:08)

I like your...

Danielle (11:15)

genuinely, it brings my whole family together. And there are videos of us just completely on edge and it's loud and it's funny and it's just always happening in the background. There are always four people and we have to have an adjudicator. So someone is always watching the board because my nan cheats. ⁓ She always says she does it. She always cheats.

If listens to this she's 78, 79? If she listens to this she's going be so angry with me. But that's what happens. She always listens to me, it's her. All day long. frustration is a huge thing. But I think that everyone has their board game. Yeah, Board games are

Natasha (11:59)

Christmas

are good. They bring everybody together. Yeah. lot of fun.

Danielle (12:03)

100 % and again, it's that I think as a Christmas tradition just find your board game. Yeah, and again, it's free and the best memories are like, my gosh Do you remember that time now and got so angry she like pushed the board off the table?

Natasha (12:17)

Yeah, exactly. So that's a really great tradition. I think another great tradition, do you do tradition putting up the Christmas tree altogether? Yeah.

Danielle (12:23)

Yeah,

absolutely. And we photos of the star's youngest child.

Natasha (12:27)

⁓

Is it always the youngest child that gets to the star on or do you take it in turns?

Danielle (12:32)

They

do tend to take it in turns, but predominantly I think that the youngest one is usually the easiest one William's gift. But yeah, it's so funny because often they'll squabble over whether it's going to be like the star or the angel. So what tends to happen is it goes up and then one of them takes it down and swaps it over. So rather than that, they don't tend to argue over it. They just wait until everyone's gone and then switch it over.

Natasha (12:40)

Yeah, true. True.

And Christmas stockings, are they from yourselves or are they from Santa?

Danielle (13:05)

Okay, so another little tradition that we have, ⁓ I don't really do Christmas stockings because my mum does them. So ⁓ on the day that she's chosen...

if we're not spending Christmas with her, she will select a day and we will all go over to her house and she will have packed Christmas stockings full. And it's really funny actually because she always says that they're from Santa, but they all know they're from my mom. Even though at home everything is, know, Santa's bringing this and Santa's doing this and we're getting ready for Father Christmas.

there's this like, oh, you know, it's nanny, but it's lovely and it's endearing. But yeah, she, and she gets them like all the useful things. So like the pants and the socks, but then she just absolutely fills those stockings full of like sweets and all that kind of stuff. But she's one of those people that buys everything in January. So like she's, she will have it all in attic. Yeah, she is ready. And I'm there like, oh, I wish I could be like that.

Natasha (14:06)

Okay.

I just don't know what I want to buy if I shopped in January for like next Christmas. I just, I a bit. They just change their minds as well.

Danielle (14:23)

Yeah, so if

I can find things that I know will just be useful or that I know that they've loved for years, I'll grab a few bits. I've got a box with stuff that I just sort of pop in. Yeah, I forget. Yeah. ⁓

Natasha (14:37)

I'm a Christmas Eve

rapper, am. I'm like a last minute dash to the shops. I even did say there's one toy shop that is always closed on a Sunday. I was like, and if Christmas Eve falls on a Sunday and they're closed, what am gonna do? And everyone's like, well, that's a you problem. You should have done your shopping. And I'm like, I know, but I'm such a last minute person sometimes. And I like a last minute dash. I've watched the movies.

Danielle (15:01)

Do you know what? So I've made myself have like Christmas Eve Eve and I'm like everything has to be done by then because for too many Christmases I've been like hunched over, wrapping things up, just feeling really crossed with myself that I'm missing out on being able to just sit back and watch...

my gosh, Die Hard, obviously. Christmas Eve movie. That's what we watch before we go to bed. And I want to be watching that without moving, other than to put chocolate in my mouth. yeah, Christmas Eve Eve is like the limit ⁓ because I just get too annoyed. And I don't want like the neck hair.

Natasha (15:44)

I was saying

this earlier, I do leave my Christmas shop until Christmas Eve and then I am a bit stressed but equally I've had some really like good wrapping parties with the family. You know when we were, when my eldest was very young I was a single parent and he really wanted this castle and I couldn't afford it and but I could afford one out of the Friday ad back then, the Friday ad and it came with all of the toys.

Danielle (15:59)

and

Natasha (16:14)

So this castle didn't come with any instructions. So we then had to put this castle together on Christmas Eve. my goodness. We literally had my uncles over helping, everyone helping put this Christmas castle together. And one of my uncles walked in the door and Henry was upstairs, we fought asleep, but he was upstairs and my uncle says, ho ho, Merry Christmas, as he came in.

And like literally for years and years Henry believed that Santa had just walked through the door. So he was like, I sleep and sleep. He's like, he's 20 now and he still talks about that castle that cost me £20 rather than £75 from the early learning and one tiny little memory that has now become a core memory for him.

Danielle (16:44)

⁓

my goodness me, that's so lovely.

It's always, think, so when I was growing up, we didn't really have very much and it was just me and my mum. And I remember deciding in like June that I wanted a baby born doll. And it was anyone who asked what I wanted. I only wanted that. And when I woke up in the morning, I guess she wanted to like stretch out the anticipation, but wasn't there.

And my mum was like, are you alright? She'd got me some other things and I was like, yeah, yeah, we're okay. I'm fine. She's like, was there something that maybe is missing? I was like, oh, it's okay. It's just the baby, the baby born doll, but it's fine, it's okay. I just don't know if I've done something wrong. And it broke my mum and she was like, oh my gosh. So obviously she kind of wanted to have me open it when my family had all arrived for it to be this big thing. But she was like, no, I can't do it, can't do it. I've just ruined everything.

But yeah, I opened it and I just, I burst into tears. I was so happy. And that baby born went everywhere with me. Her name was Annabel. And this was before there was such a thing as a baby Annabel. Her name was Annabel. But it was just like, I remember just, I didn't care about anything that was going on around me. I didn't care about any Christmas traditions at that point. I just wanted to look after her. And it was such a...

I'd waited months and I think I must've been about maybe seven, sounds like a long time. But yeah, and she had saved and saved and saved because even back then it was not cheap. But that as a core memory, not just for me, but for her as a mum was huge. was absolutely huge.

Natasha (18:44)

change.

Danielle (18:47)

But one year we bought everything second hand. ⁓

Absolutely everything. I just went round charity shops. started really early. I was really eco-conscious that year as well. We didn't use any wrapping paper. I just used cloths. And I was very much like, that's what we're gonna do each year. We're just gonna use cloths. However, I now have four children. And this is the thing, I had all the best intentions in the world that that was gonna be our Christmas tradition. I still have the cloths, but I now have four children. And presents are awkward. Like some of them are big.

So rather than, know, what you're do is put a duvet cover over your But yeah, so I tried various different ways to save as much money as possible, be as eco-conscious as possible. And what I actually realized was I could take snippets from all of that, but the biggest priority was just being going a bit easier on myself. And that's one of my biggest Christmas dreams.

Natasha (19:49)

Yeah,

so what does Christmas presents generally look like? Because lots of families have lots of different decisions. Some families love to have lots and lots and they want their children to walk in and be like, wow, look how many presents there are. Some people I've found over the years are like something they wear, something they use, something they read and go down that route. What about yourself?

Danielle (20:15)

I talk to them around now about what they want and gauge, okay, is that something I could get second hand? ⁓ Is that something that is really quite expensive? And I do talk to them about, know, ⁓ fairness and also being reasonable with what they're asking for. ⁓ And then we kind of go from there. But what I've tried really hard to do with them is to help them

them understand the value of experiences over things. And that's been something that we've always done from them being really tiny. So I think sometimes children don't realise that that's something they can ask for is, you know, when do you feel most happy? For one of my children, it's she just likes us going out for a meal. We don't do it very often. ⁓

So it's her being able to choose where we do that and that being a gift for her. So I'm quite relaxed about it all. Sometimes they will ask for lots of little things and then one of them might just want one big thing. And I'm not too concerned about what that looks like because I've spent so much time with all four of them teaching them about the value of things. You know, if one of them wants to go to a concert, like...

that will look tiny on the day. But actually if you're old enough and you've realised that's all I wanna do, that's enough. Maybe with a couple of little bits and pieces. So yeah, I'm quite relaxed about it all. I don't feel the need to have loads of stuff for them to.

Natasha (22:00)

I think it can be quite overwhelming for children to wake up and have silly amount of toys to open and it gets into just opening and passing the paper and opening the next thing. And I do remember one year and still I must be like at least like 10 years on from this memory but it still sticks in my head when a friend came round Christmas Eve and said to me that I hadn't bought enough presents for my son and I was like...

And she was just like, just go buy some stuff. was like, well, I haven't got anything else to buy. And she was like, just fill it with sweets or something. Just wrap loads of sweets up or something. And I was like, why? No, like he will be really happy with the bits we had got him. But honestly, to this day, like someone telling me when I'm saying to me that I hadn't got my child enough still sticks with me. ⁓

Danielle (22:52)

I usually know

that. happens all the time. think my mum had something similar. How do you, where, why do people think that they have the authority to make that kind of a decision? And then where is the little voice that says, don't say that. ⁓ Don't shame someone about, I'm so shocked. I'm so sorry that that happened.

Natasha (22:56)

Yeah.

I'm Jason.

But I was, but I am very confident in my Christmas. In my Christmas traditions, my Christmas presents, like my children don't need masses to open. I'm really confident and happy with that. And my children love like going out. They love going to the cinema. Reggie loves the theatre. So he loves the show, like loves the Pantomime visit.

Yeah. So do you go to Pantomime? Yes. We love the Pantomime.

Danielle (23:46)

Yeah,

we do. And again, my mum has booked that for us. Hopefully my children won't really listen to this because it's a surprise. Don't listen to this part. But yeah, my mum has booked it and again, she has said, this will be their present. I'm not buying them anything else. I'm like, you don't need to buy them anything else. That's a huge present. Yeah.

Natasha (24:07)

My great grandmother every year used to take me to a ballet and that was her present to me. that's so Every year. And then obviously she's passed away now, she was like 99. And no she wasn't, she was 105, she lived 105. Wow. But we went to the theatre until she was 99. And then my mum a couple of years ago bought me a ballet ticket to go see The Nutcracker and I cried like a baby. ⁓ So I loved those kind of to do.

Danielle (24:33)

I think that's the thing, knowing that the tradition you've sparked in your gift giving is gonna carry on a piece of you is huge. And I do try, I mean, like, my nan, bless her, she just loves giving gifts and watching them be opened. But I do always say to her, why not?

Natasha (24:45)

for now.

Danielle (24:57)

have a little tradition with them where you go somewhere or do something. And actually she does now ⁓ with my granddad and they'll often go and do something and they might go ice skating or something. And they all, it's so funny because they also get like trailed around to put everybody's trees up. So they'll start with our tree, then they go to my mum's house and put her tree up, then they go over to the grandparents house and put that tree up as well. So it's like, they go around and do all of the trees and that's their little

I love that. But again, I think that is the joy of Christmas. If you're really working on the experiences, is they just don't have to cost really anything.

Natasha (25:40)

And have you ever heard of Christmas tree gifts, like tree gifts? Have heard of this tradition? I had heard of it until Gav's parents introduced it. And what all of Gav's childhood, he had tree presents. like presents from the tree. ⁓ So like the tree.

Danielle (26:03)

No,

no, no, no. The tree had presents. Absolutely not. I don't even let Sam to get all the credit. No.

Natasha (26:12)

And on Christmas Day they would get the presents from the tree. Honestly, I promise you, I did have to question it. Are they just presents that are in the tree or are the presents from the tree? They were like, the presents are from the tree.

Danielle (26:28)

I just think, so I just, as a parent, you work so hard to make Christmas special and you already have to share the like moment with someone else that's not in room. know, and like I get that, that's absolutely fine because in sharing that moment with someone who's not in the room, i.e. Father Christmas, but the tree didn't like work.

Natasha (26:53)

But the

Danielle (26:57)

a double shift when they were already really tired, perimenopausal. ⁓

Natasha (26:58)

There we did.

It's just true. I'm not saying I agree with I don't do tree presents from the tree. Before anybody thinks that's what I do.

Danielle (27:10)

I'll say the-

think that, you know, again, there's so much pressure to do things like the Christmas Eve boxes. I don't do that.

Natasha (27:18)

Christmas Eve

boxes. I don't do Halloween boxes either. ⁓

Danielle (27:21)

No, do I, and I love Halloween.

Like I'm an any excuse, but I just think there is a big line and it's murky dark between doing something because it is a nice thing to do and then feeling the pressure to do something because someone's told you it's a nice thing to do. And I know that people will say, well, I do them, I do that, that's fine.

That's okay, if you're doing them, there's no judgment here and I'm never here to shame anyone. However, I feel like a lot of people feel shame if they haven't posted a story of a Christmas Eve box or a boo box. And worse than that, you think- this is- Andromus.

Natasha (28:05)

problem with the social media. It's

like we're trying to live up to everybody else's expectations.

Danielle (28:10)

And

at the end of the day, all we're doing by having to try and meet those expectations is putting money in someone else's pocket all the time. And I'm not saying that I'm not gonna sit here and talk about products that I love that I think would make good presents, but I think there is a difference between saying, these are great because actually developmentally and educationally, they're a really nice thing to lean into if you're buying presents anyway. What I'm not gonna say is also put some presents in your tree from the tree and also,

You also have the tinsel fairy, she needs to leave something. also, boo box, do that too. And also, do a Christmas Eve box. But you also want a box for when you put the tree up as well. Like, right? But it's not just that, it's just like, we're under a lot of pressure anyway. And it doesn't, you don't need to be giving them things for them to feel like it's a special time. Like, have a playlist you play every year. Have a special scented,

Natasha (28:52)

I want someone to make me a box.

Danielle (29:10)

candle or something that you like to remind them that it's like gonna become a special time we're be seeing lots of family. Have a photo album that you all look at together of Christmases past. Sit down and make a list of things you'd like to do together, recipes you'd like to try together. I get my kids to sit down and tell me what they want for their Christmas lunch so they're in control of it. There are things you can do that give them that feeling without you having to spend a fortune again and again and again. Like it really stresses me. ⁓ I can't, just I can't.

Natasha (29:37)

Christmas

tree has touched you.

Danielle (29:39)

It has, the Christmas tree's finished me off, I'm done, I'm out.

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Natasha

Let's talk about the big man himself then. Okay. What do call him?

Danielle (30:31)

you

I find feeling particularly proper his Father Christmas, but the kids just call him Santa. My son will call him Santa Claus because he's obsessed with the night before Christmas. So I don't mind. And the lovely thing about not minding is that as they get older, you can start to use the language of an idea. Right? So if you're not too...

Natasha (30:36)

There's so many names.

yet.

Danielle (31:05)

concerned about the name, you're already lending yourself to, well, you know, some people call Santa Santa, some people call Santa Father Christmas, some people see him as this and some people actually imagine him as that. And you can then start to talk about the meaning of the idea and why it's so important and why it is real. ⁓

because if you can think something up and if so many people are also thinking of it and they're using that as a reason to be kind and share in joy and connection and community, of course it's real. Yeah, you know?

Natasha (31:46)

And I'm talking about real. Is there a time where you tell your children?

Danielle (31:54)

It's really hard. So, because it gets to that point, doesn't it, where probably carrying along with stuff to please you, right? Yeah. And I'm at that point currently with my second eldest, but on the other side, on the flip of it, she's one of those ones that if she's gonna believe something, she's believing it wholeheartedly forever and ever, she's in secondary school.

Natasha (31:59)

It's a great.

Danielle (32:23)

It's tricky. ⁓ When my eldest ⁓ was, I think about 10 or 11, I just sort of sat down with her and said, know, what do people at school say about Santa? Has anything ever been said that's made you feel worried or, you know, made you think? And she just immediately said, I know.

and I've known for a long time, I was just a bit worried about telling you because like, we don't know where we stand with presents. And I was like, okay, well, the thing is, was like, there is a responsibility in knowing that it's more of an idea and that becomes a responsibility in...

Natasha (32:53)

Yeah, let's do what the president right?

Danielle (33:12)

as an older child sustaining that magic because actually that then becomes magic for them. And she is so funny because she was like, oh no, no, I knew, I knew, I knew that. I love it. She's like, I love it with my younger siblings. Like it's perfect. I'm just gonna, I was like, brilliant. Now you know you can be part of that. So Santa is a collective. It's, it's.

everyone doing their best to bring the magic. So it's not that it's not real, it's just it's real in a different way. And she just loved that. And she's like, okay, can I have a job each year that I do? And I was like, ⁓ you can have that. And I delegated and it was the best decision of my life. she gets fully into it and I never have.

Natasha (33:57)

Yeah. Bloody hell.

You never have to judge.

Danielle (34:09)

I haven't touched the thing in years and it's the best. If you have an older child and ⁓ especially if you have younger siblings or there are cousins around.

give them the job and they love it because they have time and imagination to make it as funny as possible and I don't have that burden anymore. You delegate. As soon as you have an older sibling, you delegate all those things because they love it because they're fuelling the magic and honestly, I used to get really cross about the elf and now I'm like, I'm.

Natasha (34:38)

Yeah.

What's

he gonna do tomorrow? I haven't introduced this elf into our house and have been questioned to why he doesn't come to our house. And I've just sort of said, well, I just don't think he's chosen to come to us. Like literally bat it off. that's fine. And that's fine, isn't it? Like, you know, don't have to all do the elf. Because like you say, it's just another pressure that we all take on. What about advent calendars? What do you do?

Danielle (34:49)

have.

love them. And I must admit, I find it really difficult to not be drawn in. And even like a couple of times over the last few weeks, I've been like, Steve, like, look, they've got a jewellery one. And I don't need it. I just think bog standard, chocolate in the morning. And actually.

⁓ Bella and my mum really like just the pictures. The ones that you open and you can reuse them. And they've got, I'm allowed to talk about brands because there is a gorgeous ⁓ V &A Just Pictures. And they even say, you can use it again, flatten it back down, put a heavy book on top it, bring it out the following year. Cause you're gonna forget, you will forget. And you'll have your favourite little pictures that you look for. ⁓ But yeah, I love those. But I am very much a

Natasha (35:50)

picture.

Danielle (36:04)

Bog standard, I like the Cadbury's one because it's foiled so it's fresh, you know it's gonna be good chocolate. But one thing I will say, I cannot be trusted. My advent calendar will last until maybe the fifth before I eat the whole thing. They're really good. Yeah and they even say, like, why is it one rule for you? I guess I have no. ⁓

Natasha (36:19)

What about your children? They're just the adults that are not.

No self control. I love

putting the Tonys and now Yoto, because we may have a Yoto there, cards in the reusable advent calendars and a story a night. So we love books. I love Christmas stories. I have a whole box and they always go away and then they come out just before Christmas. So yeah, so a story.

Danielle (36:50)

We do have, so my eldest daughter used to go to two child minders, so while I was studying at uni they balanced her care and they were so crafty and one of them, Sharon, made this beautiful felt advent calendar and we still have that and so I will give the children a choice and I'll sort of say, do you want your own advent calendar or do you want me to fill up?

the felt one. The only thing is because there's four of them, I have to find things that are small enough that they're gonna break it. But they do, they actually do really love the, they love it when I kind of pin it to the wall and then it rolls all the way down. It's massive and they do love that. And I think they love how random.

the treats are and sometimes what I will do is if I know that I've planned something and I can kind of add it as an advent treat I might put it in a little bit of paper and pop that in there. know again you can do all sorts you can do little dares and funny little jokes and things ⁓ and they really like that and last year we did it, it worked really well and they all took it in turns each day to go and get the parcel out and that was lovely but yeah I give them the choice

if they want an advent calendar then they can have one. I also don't want to just be like, this is the tradition. I like to give them an element of autonomy over Christmas as well.

Natasha (38:18)

Yeah, definitely.

And what about visiting? Do you visit him? Do you visit?

Danielle (38:24)

Oh

Santa, I thought you meant like the going around seeing everyone on Christmas Day. That's hard. Yeah, yeah we do. Is it the big man? We do. Mostly because I'm really unorganised with getting a family photo and it's the one time that I can actually have a photo where I can see how much they're growing. So it's a selfish really for me. I actually spoke to them maybe like a week ago about their favourite

experiences with Santa and when we've seen him where they've preferred it and I was expecting them to say like the times that we've gone to like big stately homes and he's been there and it's been all you know and it wasn't it was actually a toy shop in Dorchester ⁓

on a, yeah, pound break, called Boo's Toy Shop, and they, don't even know if they still do it, they do like a little afternoon tea, and Santa's just in a little room at the back, and it's very, it's just enough, and all of them said that was their favourite. And I was like, well, what was it? And they were like, he was just a really good Santa, and.

We just felt like the focus was on us the whole time. It wasn't like we were queuing and we're gonna go from A to B. It was just, we got there and we stayed there and we ate and then we saw him and then we left and it just was easy and lovely. And it just really made me think about, we should always ask them, what did you like about this and should we change it this time? But they will always say, ⁓

that they talk amongst themselves about whether it was an elf or whether it was the real thing.

Natasha (40:05)

So I was gonna say,

do they question, is he the real deal? How come he looks different from the other one?

Danielle (40:10)

They're

very, it's all about the beard. Everything is the beard and they're like, I could tell. I could tell. So the nice thing is, again, because it's gone down the sibling line, they're always at work with an L and that's okay. Like he's a busy guy. ⁓ And they see that as just a special. Like, I guess it's a bit like.

Natasha (40:18)

So what do you say to them?

Danielle (40:37)

see him Princess Anne instead of the King, know, same thing.

Natasha (40:45)

Royal.

Danielle (40:45)

Still royal.

Still part of the royal magic.

Natasha (40:48)

So what is your last piece of advice for Christmas? Especially for new families that are just starting out on...

Danielle (40:56)

Yeah, do

anything that you can to safeguard your peace. Whether that means saying, now, I am not going anywhere on Christmas Day, and I am only having this many people over. It's okay to say, I don't wanna cook, I'm not doing it. It's okay to say, I'm gonna cap a spending limit now.

forever more. It's okay to say, I only want to buy second hand or I only want to buy this, this, this, and this, what you were saying earlier about the something to wear, something to do, something to read. Choose the traditions that are going to take the pressure off of you or that you know.

not only your family going to enjoy, but you're going to enjoy because you also have to exist through this time. You don't want to just be kind of on the edge of it, sort of watching. You're part of it. And the more you can take that pressure off so that you enjoy it, the more your children and your family are to get out of you being there because you're not stressing. We had a similar conversation with birthdays.

Natasha (42:08)

Yeah.

Danielle (42:09)

Just do what you need to do. You don't, like, I get an apple crumble, because I know they love it. I'm not, don't need to get all the fancy pants. Apple crumble, and you don't have pressure. I'm gonna be worried about burning it, because I cook one every Sunday, but that's what they like, and it's okay. So do whatever you can do to take the pressure off for your entire journey through every Christmas with your children, and you'll thank yourself.

You really will. Don't set up traditions that maybe next year you won't be able to do, depending on where you are financially.

Natasha (42:44)

Absolutely.

you do, like, give your children, like, the catalogue circle? So my children don't have the catalogue circle, but whenever they go shopping, I ⁓ take photographs and they go straight onto... So I never have ever, like, touch wood, where's the word? I never ever have tantrums in the shops because I literally take a photograph and then if, they look really grumpy because I won't buy it for them, like, there and then, I say, well...

Danielle (42:50)

No.

Natasha (43:13)

how is Santa or whoever's seen the birthday list or Christmas list, whatever the list may be, say, they can't see it. How happy you are and how much you want it, then you probably wouldn't get it.

Danielle (43:22)

I'm so

with you on that and we do the same. We take a photo. And it's a really good way as well to gauge, you know, how much did they really want that? Because if you mention it, you know, the next week they'll say, ⁓ I really like this thing. Can I have this thing? Then I'll say, well, do you like it more or less than this that you told me that you wanted last week?

Natasha (43:46)

Whereabouts is the sitting on your list?

Danielle (43:48)

Yeah,

what number is it? And it just, it's a really nice way to organise their thoughts and to make them actually consider what they really actually do want. You know, would you have been bored with this thing by now?

Natasha (44:03)

They're of so happy once they think it's on the list. Just means that you don't have those temper tantrums in the store.

Danielle (44:06)

We don't have to occupy too much space then.

But I also do say to them, there is a cutoff point. So when we've reached the cutoff point of letters to Santa, if they then say, actually I changed my mind, want this. I then say, okay, if you get any Christmas money, that's what you can get with it. Like that's not happening because know, have gone. ⁓

Natasha (44:38)

the ship is sailed.

Danielle (44:39)

Exactly, but yeah, that's what I do too, photographs.

Natasha (44:43)

Thank you so much, Akai. We could talk all day. We absolutely could. If you liked watching this episode of Project Baby, please hit the subscribe button and we look forward to seeing you on the next episode.