Boundaries 2🤍🦋

Healing requires emotional safety.
If a person is constantly overextending themselves, absorbing other people’s problems, and ignoring their own needs, healing becomes difficult.

Boundaries create the space where healing can continue. They protect emotional energy.

They reduce stress. They allow individuals to engage in relationships from a place of strength rather than exhaustion.

And as someone grows in wholeness, boundaries begin to feel less like rejection and more like wisdom. Because protecting what God is healing in you is not selfish.

It is necessary.

#wholeness #mentalhealth #healing

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:16

Good morning, good morning, good morning, and welcome back to the Beautiful Me Empowerment Ministry Podcast. And of course, welcome back again as we go on the forty-day journey of sanctification to wholeness. Today we're gonna continue on the topic boundaries, protecting the healing God is producing. Sometimes people may think that boundaries are selfish, they think loving others means saying always saying yes and always being available, always tolerating behaviors that drains or hurt them. But that is not love, that is exhaustion, and sometimes it becomes enabling. God never intended for healing to happen without protection. If you are planting a garden, you don't just plant seed and walk away, you have to protect the soil, you have to remove the weeds, you have to guard what is growing, and that is how healing works. When God begins restoring your heart, your mind, and your identity, boundaries becomes necessary, and they are not there to isolate you, but rather to protect what God is producing. Hallelujah. Father, we thank you for today. Father, we enter into your presence with thanksgiving this morning and into your courts with praise, and we are thankful to you, Abba Father, and we bless your name. You are indeed a good, good father. You are an awesome God, and we give you all the praise today, God. We give you all the glory today, mighty God. Hallelujah. We thank you, oh God, for giving us another day, another day, Abba Father, to get it right, another day to walk in our purpose, another day, oh God, to share you with somebody else, another day, God, to be light and salt, because that is what you have called us to be here in this earth, to be your hands and feet, Abba Father, and even in this moment, God, I ask that you will search us, search our hearts and know our thoughts, Father God. See if there be some wicked ways in us. Cleanse us, oh God, from every sin and on all and all unrighteousness and set us free this morning. We ask you, God, that you create in us clean hearts and renew a right spirit within us. Cast us not away from your presence and take not your Holy Spirit from us, but restore to us the joy of thy salvation and renew a right spirit within us, Father. We thank you for the work that you have started in us, and he who has started a good work in us will see it until completion, until the day of Jesus Christ. Father, we thank you for this journey and how you are helping us to steward our healing, to steward, oh God, our purpose, mighty God, to steward our growth. And we thank you even in this moment for healing, for the work that you're doing in our hearts, in our minds, in our soul, in our bodies, in our spirit, mighty God. Thank you, and we trust you with this journey, and we just ask, oh God, that you will continue to cover every single one of us, and we tell you thanks in Jesus' name, amen. Hallelujah. Thank you, Jesus. Uh, yesterday we mentioned uh the scripture, Proverbs 4, verse 23. And I hope you did your homework where you just uh looked at the scripture through heaven's lenses, and you know that God would have spoken to you as you go through and read the scripture when we talk about protecting or healing uh through boundaries, it's not just psychological but it is also biblical. Scripture repeatedly shows that God expects his people to be intentional about guarding their inner lives. Healing is not meant to be passive, it is something that we must protect with wisdom, and that is why Proverbs 4, verse 23 says, Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it, and this is one of the most powerful verses about responsibility in scripture. Above all else, means guarding your heart is a priority, it's not an option, it's not secondary, it is a priority because the heart is the source of life. Your heart is like a garden, your thoughts flow from it, your emotions flow from it, your decisions flow from it, your relationships flow from it, and if the heart becomes overwhelmed, wounded, or constantly exposed to negativity, then the rest of life begins to suffer. Guarding your heart means being wise about what you allow to influence your inner world, it means being mindful about the voices you listen to, the environments you stay in, the conversations you entertain, and the relationships you invest in. Guarding your heart is stewardship, and Jesus modeled boundaries because this is how we guard our heart, right? Many people may think that loving others means unlimited access, and I had to say to some of my kids yesterday that you can love people from a distance, not everybody deserves a certain level of access in your space in your life. There were moments when crowds demanded Jesus' time and attention, but we see in the Gospels where Jesus repeatedly withdrew, he withdrew himself. Luke 5, verse 16 says, but Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed. Even though people needed him, he stepped away. I call this spiritual self-care. As a matter of fact, self-care on a whole. Because spiritual strength requires renewal. In order to not get to that space, it simply means you have to set up some boundaries, you have to learn to say no. No is a complete sentence, and not everyone deserves unlimited access. You have to pull away, you have to withdraw from time to time, create a space for prayer and solitude and alignment with God, and in doing so, like Jesus, you will remain effective in your mission. Another example is in Mark 1. After Jesus healed many people, the crowds came searching for him again. The disciples told him everyone was looking for him, but instead of returning immediately to meet their expectations, Jesus said, Let us go somewhere else so I can preach there also. So, Jesus did not allow the pressure of people's expectations to determine his direction, he stayed aligned with his purpose, and this is a perfect example that boundaries are not selfish, they protect alignment with God's calling. Hallelujah! And in the book of Nehemiah, when the wall of Jerusalem was being rebuilt, enemies tried repeatedly to distract Nehemiah, and the devil, the devil will send persons to distract you from your purpose. They invited Nehemiah to meetings, they tried to pull him away from the work, but what was his response in Nehemiah 6, verse 3? He said, I am doing a great work and cannot come down. He recognized that distractions could stop the progress of restoration. My God. So he refused to leave the work. Sometimes protecting your healing requires the same wisdom. You must recognize what pulls you away from what God is building in your life, and you must decide not to come down. Hallelujah. God often separates us before He restores us. Through scripture, God frequently creates distance or separation before transformation happens. Abraham had to leave his homeland. Joseph was separated from his family before stepping into leadership. And Moses, Moses spent years in the wilderness before returning to deliver Israel. Even Jesus. So separation is preparation. God often removes people from environments that could strip the work he is doing in them. And we see wheat, we see whenever grapes. I mean, there has to be a separation process, a removal process where God has to strip away the things and the people that just cannot go with us where He is taking us into, where because He's taking us out of survival mode in order to shift from a trauma identity, an identity that you became because you needed to survive in that season. As God shifts you, you have to throw off all of the things, you have to leave the things behind, and in order to do so, you have to spend some time alone in the presence of the Lord and allow him to work in you and on you, and even teach you to set boundaries because some of us we cannot set them, and when we set them, we don't keep them, and I am guilty. Matter of fact, a couple years ago, before I started my journey, I didn't even know anything about boundaries, I just knew I needed to keep the peace because that's how I used to survive. I was a people pleaser, didn't know how to say no because I seek I needed constant validation, and I felt like I constantly needed people, and I was afraid that people would walk away if I said no. I was afraid of how people would look at me, how they would say about me, how they would view me, and it was draining. It's all of those things that were draining me. Healing requires protection. If we allow the same unhealthy dynamics to continue influencing our heart, it becomes difficult for transformation to take root. And so boundaries help ensure that the healing God begins can grow into lasting wholeness. They allow us to protect our peace. Listen, peace is valuable. It allows boundaries, allow us to guard our heart, it allows us to stay aligned with purpose, it allows us to create space for continued growth. And I remember I prayed, I used to pray, telling God to take my heart as in to hold on to it, because at the time I didn't know about boundaries, I didn't know how to guard my heart, and I was just going through seasons of brokenness after brokenness, and it was draining me. There was no peace, it there was just chaos, but I kept pouring from an empty cup again to keep the peace, to not feel rejected, to keep people in my life, and I asked God, I say, God, I am mishandling my heart, so I asked him to take my heart and to keep it into safekeeping, because I said to him, if he allowed me to keep it, then it might go hard, and I didn't want my heart to go hard, you know. Some people, because of the things that they've been through, the experiences that they've had with different persons, the the brokenness and all of those traumatic experiences that they've had, they've gotten to the place where they've hardened their heart, and I didn't want my heart to be like that, and I didn't know how to steward it, I didn't know how to guard it. Like I said, I didn't know about boundaries, and so I asked God to keep my heart. I said, God, take my heart and put it into safe keeping. Little did I know that as I went through the process, that what He would have taught me was boundaries, because that was how that is how you guard your heart, that is how you guard your peace. And so, as I I went through the process of healing, I was taught how to set boundaries, and like I said, I didn't know what boundaries are or were. Sorry, I had to research it and ask the Holy Spirit. I sat one day and I asked the Holy Spirit to help me to set boundaries, and that was God teaching me how to steward my heart, how to guard my heart, and I believe he held on to it for a little bit while he taught me, and then he handed it back to me. And I'm just grateful because God restores the soul, but he also calls us to guard the restoration, and when we do the healing begins, he begins in us, can grow into true wholeness, and boundaries are hard, even when people understand that boundaries are healthy, many still struggle to set them, and it's not because we don't want peace, but it's because boundaries challenge patterns that were formed long before healing began. Our ability to set boundaries is deeply influenced by what we learned about relationships, safety, and worth when we were growing up. And if those early experiences taught us health unhealthy patterns, boundaries are going to feel uncomfortable at first. It was scary the first time I said no. My overthinking went into overdrive. Many people, including myself, we learned that love meant self-sacrifice because that was how it was modeled. It was models as modeled as endless sacrifice. We learned that being loving meant always being available, always saying yes, and always putting other people first. So when we begin to set boundaries, it can and will feel like we are being selfish. And people may think we ourselves may think that if I say no, I'm not loving, if I protect my time, I'm letting people down. If I stop helping, they'll think I don't care. But healthy love does not require self-neglect. Hallelujah. Psychologically, when someone constantly sacrifices their own needs to maintain relationships, it can create chronic emotional exhaustion. And sometimes we get sick and we're wondering what is happening to our bodies, like you feel so drained, you wake up and you're so tired, even though you've slept for eight hours. It drains you emotionally, that constant sacrifice of your own needs just to maintain a relationship. But boundaries restore balance, boundaries allow love to exist without losing yourself. And for me, one of the biggest reasons boundaries were difficult for me, it was because of the fear of rejection. Because I grew up in an environment where acceptance felt conditional. I learned to avoid anything that might upset others. I I felt like I had to be perfect, and so instead of expressing my needs, I accommodated everyone else's expectations. And this is of course, I'm describing the whole people pleasing thing. People pleasing felt safe because it reduced conflicts, and I always say to my students, I say I can't fight and I can't even cost nobody. So I I try to maintain the peace, but over time I realized that it was creating resentment because that my needs were unmet. And one thing I can tell you people people with boundaries, they ain't afraid to tell us no, and because and because you don't sometimes because you don't understand the concept of boundaries, when they tell us no, we develop resentment, yeah, because we don't recommend and we think that with we look at it as rejection, and we look at it as oh, you know, um, so I'm I'm always showing up for you, and you can't show up for me. You know, it it it it harbors hatred and things like those in our heart, and that's why. It's important that we guard our hearts and be doing in doing so, it means that we need to set boundaries. Setting boundaries requires trusting that healthy relationships can survive honesty, and if it can't, then those are not your people. Those are not your people. Some individuals learn very early in life to take responsibility for other people's emotions. Maybe they had to keep the peace in the household. Maybe they felt responsible for a parent's stress. Maybe they were raised, praised, sorry, for being the mature one, and over time they internalized the belief. Like my parents, my parents were strict, and especially my dad, I felt like I had to be perfect, like I never had a choice but to be perfect. Because and it's how he grew up, and it's later that I learned because if they grew up on survival mode, and they had to people please, they had to perfect. That's how they're going to raise the other children, and so I grew up in that environment where I felt like I had to be perfect, I couldn't make mistakes, and it was hard because I felt like I had to keep everyone happy. So when um persons around me felt were upset, I felt responsible. Whenever there was a quarrel with mommy and daddy, I felt responsible, and I grew up with that. I grew up with the idea that when some are someone around me is upset, I'm responsible. I felt like I had to keep everybody happy, and because of this, it made setting and keeping boundaries difficult because setting limits may cause temporary discomfort for someone else, and I didn't want that, but I realized that taking responsibility for everyone's emotion it was not sustainable, but healthy boundaries recognize that each person is responsible for managing their own feelings. Sometimes a person's sense of worth becomes tied to being helpful or needed, and they feel vulnerable when they are solving problems, valuable, sorry, when they are solving problems and supporting others or carrying responsibility. So when boundaries are introduced, it can feel like you're losing your identity. However, wholeness allows identity to exist beyond usefulness, you are not valuable only when you're serving others, your worth exists independent of what you do for others. Boundaries create discomfort before they create peace. Another reason boundaries feel difficult is that they often create temporary discomfort. People who are used to unlimited access may react when boundaries are introduced and they may question the change, they may feel confused, but discomfort does not mean the boundaries wrong. It simply means the relationship dynamic is shifting, and over time, healthy boundaries create healthier relationships, they reduce resentment and increase mutual respect. My family, healing requires emotional safety. If a person is constantly overextending themselves, absorbing other people's problems, and ignoring their own needs, then healing will become difficult. Boundaries create the space where healing can continue, they protect your energy, they reduce stress, they allow you to engage in relationships from a place of strength and not exhaustion. And as someone grows in wholeness, boundaries begin to feel less like rejection and more like wisdom because protecting what God is healing in you is not selfish, it is necessary. God bless you today, Father. We thank you for this moment. I pray, Holy Spirit, that you will speak to us and that as we go throughout the day, that you will show us those areas of people pleasing and those areas, oh God, where we need to set boundaries. Help us, God, to set boundaries, help us, oh God, to guard our hearts. Hallelujah. We thank you. Thank you for every listener. Thank you for your unconditional, reckless love. Thank you for what you are doing in our lives for the healing and for teaching us how to steward our healing and our hearts. We thank you once again in Jesus' name. Amen. Have an amazing day, family, and I will see you tomorrow. God bless you.