Strength in the Struggle- When Healing Feels Heavy 🦋🤍

If healing feels heavy right now… take a breath.

You’re not going backward. You’re processing deeper. What you’re feeling isn’t failure—it’s growth.

God is with you in this part too. Don’t quit here 🤍

#40DaysToWholeness

#BeautifulMe

#HealingWithGod

#EmotionalHealing

#FaithAndHealing

#ChristianEncouragement

#GrowthJourney

#YouAreNotAlone

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:07

Good morning, good morning, good morning. Happy Friday. Thank God it's Friday. Oh my god. It has been a week. I don't know. I mean, I think the weeks, the days, the days are shorter for sure. As are the nights, but like the tiredness. Like after Monday, it feels somehow as if we've worked, I don't know about you, but for me, it feels as if I've worked a whole week by the end of Monday. Nevertheless, we have an awesome God who strengthens us every single day, and it is Friday. And before I even go into prayer or into our topic for today, please do something for yourself this weekend. It doesn't have to be anything elaborate, it can just be something very simple. As simple as just taking an owl, maybe go for a walk in the garden wherever you live, just going for a walk outside. Uh, just sitting still for an hour. It can be this is my simple practice for the most part for almost every week, where I purchase my little pockets, packet of Epsom salt, and I pour it in the bath and I stick my feet inside there. I put on some meditation music or an empowering podcast, a sermon, or a prayer, and I just sit there. Some Sunday afternoons, I fill the bathtub. I know not many persons have bathtubs, but I fill the bathtub with that Epsom salt, and I just lay in it for about 15 to 20 minutes. I close my bathroom door, I don't want to hear nothing from my son, and that's my time. Either I use it and I just sometimes it's just reflecting on the goodness of God, you know, and just even just thinking about your growth. It's simple things I always tell people. It is the simple things, the little things that takes up the biggest space in my heart, and it can just be journaling. Hey, write a letter to yourself, you know, celebrate you, find something to do this weekend for self-care to celebrate yourself, buy ice cream if you can afford it. I know a lot of us were on the fitness journey. Have a cheat day. Well, a cheat meal, a cheat meal, not a cheat day. So get some ice cream, get your favorite chocolate or your favorite um prepare your favorite meal. Uh, spend some time in the presence of the Lord, just lay there and just have the Holy Spirit just refill you. So often we go in the presence of the Lord, you know, like every day as we go in our little closet in the mornings to do our devotion, and we are just talking, talking, talking, talking to God. Sometimes He wants us to also listen because remember, communication is a two-way street, all right? We're communicating, we're talking to God, He talks back to us, and when we're talking to Him, He pauses, He stops, and He listens, and so we also need to pause and listen to Him, and He calls us to rest, you know. People, we need to learn to rest, alright? So, do something this weekend for self-care. Go to the movies for those persons who have access. Uh, yeah, do something, all right? Do something for self-care this weekend, amen. Hallelujah. Father, we come before you today with hearts that may be heavy but still hopeful, and we give you glory, we praise you because you are God, you are unchanging, you are faithful, and you are near today, God. We acknowledge your nearness, even in the tiredness and in the struggle, and in the moments when we feel overwhelmed and just really exhausted. We're grateful for Friday, and we want to thank you for sparing our lives, God, to see another day. Thank you for your grace and your mercy that has kept us throughout this week. God, thank you for strengthening us throughout this week. There were moments when we felt like we could not even move. Sometimes in the afternoons, we come home and we literally drag our feet inside our homes and you know get into the bed. We're so exhausted. But we thank you that you have strengthened us and we have lived to see another day. And throughout this week, we're grateful that indeed we have experienced and seen and witnessed and felt the goodness of the Lord right here in the land of the living. God, we big you up this morning. Hallelujah! Hallowed be your holy name. God, you're just so awesome, you're amazing. Thank you for keeping us. We are indeed kept by you. Thank you, God, for being our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Thank you, God, for being our shepherd, mighty God. Thank you, oh God, for being our strong tower, for being our strength and our shield. Thank you, Daddy, for being our backative. We know that our backative is strong because we are backed by heaven. Hallelujah. Thank you, oh God, this morning for everything that you do for us. We are so grateful, and we just ask you for you know continued guidance as we go throughout the day and protection, be with us on the roads, in our workplace, um, uh, be with our children in the schools, be with our families and our friends, Abba Father. We just place everyone in your care, and we tell you thanks that he who has started a good work in us will see it until completion, until the day of Jesus Christ. We love you, Daddy God, we appreciate you so much. We are grateful in Jesus' name, amen and amen. Alright, so it's Friday, and I won't be seeing you hearing me now, seeing you, or you won't be hearing me. I mean, maybe, because you know, you can go through those episodes that you missed out on, and even the ones that you've listened already, you can go over them. I actually go over uh so many of the podcast episodes, you know, from time to time, um, because uh it's it's a continuous renewal of the mind, amen. And I also want to use this opportunity right now to remind you of the beautiful Me Empowerment Conference and book launch that will be coming up the 4th of April in Jamaica, James Hill Clarendon, all right, yeah, and I am looking forward to seeing you there for those persons who can make it. It is going to be Saturday, April 4 from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. at the James Hill New Testament Church. We have some amazing speakers lined up to just pour into you. It is the restored, renewed, reclaimed conference, and I am excited about it. Listen, I have some testimony, you know. God is just guardian, and I'm so grateful. I pray your strength, I crave your prayers, you know, as I go through this journey, and we also are accepting sponsors if you can for the girl empowerment. So it is the Meet the Author teen empowerment experience, a conference within the conference. So it is going to be a private empowerment session designed just for the teens. So they will meet the author, of course. Me. We're gonna have some real conversations, they get to ask me questions, and it's just a space where they will be seen, feet, they will be heard and affirmed, and every single teen will receive a personal copy of the beautiful me journal signed, of course. They will receive an empowerment goodie bag, and of course, prayer and affirmation and just a safe space. If you can sponsor a teen, it's 2,000 Jamaican dollars, so you can reach out to me at 1345-325-1880 if you wish to sponsor a teen or if you want to sponsor an adult, it is$5,000 Jamaican dollars. I'm looking forward to seeing you there. I'm looking forward for your support and remember to order your merch. I have cups. Hello, we're going to be sipping tea. You cannot miss out on the tea. So, in order to do so, you need your teacups and you need your beautiful me t-shirts. All right, we've got them, so you can order those as well. All right, thank you. So, we're continuing on our 40-day journey. I've spoken enough, and today we're going to look at strength in the struggle when healing feels heavy, and I've said this so many times that you can be healed and healing at the same time, and there are gonna be moments when you know the stinking thinking, in the words of Pastor Joyce Myers, will pop up, and you know, you're gonna feel in some moments that you can't do this, you're going to feel like you are behind, you're going to feel like you're broken beyond repair, you're gonna feel like I just cannot do this. But I want you to know that you're not doing it alone because God is right there with you, all right. But the truth is, healing is not always soft, it's not always peaceful, neither is it beautiful, all right? It's not always beautiful, sometimes it feels heavy, not just a little uncomfortable, but emotionally um weighty, all right, and there are days when you feel like you're carrying thoughts or memories and emotions that you didn't even realize were still inside of you. Days when you're tired, but it's not just physical tiredness, it's emotional fatigue. It's the kind of tiredness that comes um from processing old pain, letting go of old patterns, facing truths you once avoided, and trying to grow while still feeling the weight of what you've been through, and in those moments, healing can feel overwhelming. I've been there, I've done that, I've worn the t-shirt, and sometimes for me on my journey, when I feel the emotional fatigue, the devil is just saying, the voices in my head is just saying, Go back to the alcohol, go back to those maladaptive coping mechanisms. But I have to stand up strong and rebuke them in the name of Jesus because I am redeemed, and the Bible tells me that I am set free, and he who the Son has set free is truly free indeed. And whenever I feel like this, listen, I draw for my journal and I invite the Holy Spirit in that space with me. Sometimes progress really and truly doesn't feel like progress, and this is one of the hardest parts of healing. You know, sometimes you're growing, but it doesn't feel like growth, yeah. And maybe it's not even just on your healing journey, but it is just life overall, where you feel like it's like I go to work every single day, but I can't save any money, or I don't see any any savings, and you know, like it just feels like nothing is happening. Some persons would say, um, it feels as if you're taking five steps forward, but also taking ten backwards, and it can cause you to be triggered, right? And the emotional fatigue will kick in. You might have a good week, and then suddenly you feel fatigued, you feel triggered again. You might think that you've moved past something, and then it shows up again in a different way, and that can really and truly make you question yourself like, Am I really healing? Why am I still dealing with this? Why does this still affect me? And let me tell you something, like, and this is why you know it is hard. Healing is healing is difficult, it really is, and I just want you to know you cannot do it in your own strength, neither can you do it alone. You need community, and you need God, and that need is something that you cannot live without, you cannot do without. So, we're not talking about a want business right now, we're talking about a need, you need community. No man is an island, no man stands alone, amen. You need accountability persons. I've had to um in those moments when healing just felt hard, when I felt like I was a progress in any at all, I would reach out to my sister. Let me tell you something. If you want a real proper accountability partner, check my sister. She don't play to just snap me back into reality, and it is harsh. I'm gonna be honest with you. She probably wouldn't know. But sometimes, you know, when I reach out to her and she starts in a man, oh my god, it's almost like she was sitting there waiting on me to just open up my mouth and say something, and she's just going on and on and on and on and on. And as I'm reading through, I get defensive sometimes because that's what we do, isn't it? Because we feel like it hits in the core, you know, and we know that it is true what our accountability persons are saying, but we still get defensive because we're like, oh my god, why is she telling me all of this truth? And we just get defensive, and so I am defending it and say, This is why I'm doing it, and this is why, and this is why. But it goes on to the point where I just shut up. I don't say a word to her, she just continue typing, and my eyes are filled with tears because it's harsh, but it is needed, it is needed. I wouldn't want somebody who is going to join me on my bandwagon and say, Alright, go ahead and take up the alcohol bottle. No, so I appreciate her for being, I would I we call I call her the disciplinarian in our family because she disciplined mommy and she disciplined daddy and she disciplines my son. So although she's a younger sister, but she's a disciplinarian in the family, she keeps us in check. But I really appreciate her because you know she speaks the truth, and even though it hurts in the moment, but while she's talking the truth and I get all teary-eyed and sometimes defensive, I am processing it because it is the truth, and it's the truth that I needed to hear in that moment. And then I have Miss Taylor, Jayvon, and she's another one, and the that's my girl. So whenever I get into a particular space and you know I message her, she also spits the truth, uh, but she don't pay me no mind when I get defensive and I have to go back and apologize. But people, we need these people in our lives, we need accountability, people. We need people, and most of all, we need God as we go on this journey because healing is hard. Healing is not linear, it moves in layers, and what you're experiencing when you feel like you're not making progress, it is not regression, it is just deeper processing. God is not taking you backward, that's not who he is, rather, he is taking you deeper, and God goes from the root of root. Sorry, oh my god. So God goes from the root of things because if you should chop off a tree, chop down a tree, right? If you don't dig up the root, it is going to grow back, and when it grows back, it is going to grow back with other when when you see a tree that you've chopped down growing back, it springs up with other um branches, if we may say, or other little tree, other little, other little aunties and uncles and cousins and sisters and brothers. That's how it grows back. He doesn't come back alone. And the Bible tells us also, thank you, Holy Spirit, that um even when you when you cast out a demon, right? Casting out a spirit, you have to replace that space with spiritual food. Sit in your scripture, you have to replace it because if you do not replace it, it is going to come back, the Bible tells us, and it is going to bring back seven more. You hear? So God dig up the thing from the root. So, God, you're not regressing, you're not going backward. He is taking you deeper all the way down to the root. Amen. And healing requires feeling. Some of us don't like to feel, but you cannot heal what you refuse to feel. My past was buried so deep, especially the sexual abuse, and I had closed off that door, I never even spoke about it. But when I went into therapy, and my counselor just asked me to close my eyes, and I had to walk him through the whole thing, it hurt like mad for days. I was just in tears because it was the first time I was really and truly talking about it. And I had to feel, I had to feel the hurt. Healing will require you to sit with emotions you once buried. So the grief, the disappointment, the anger, the confusion. And I've never even said this to my mom, you know, but uh like there was so much resentment that I had where my mom was concerned, and one of the memories that I can recall, and I did not know that it was so it was rooted so deeply, it was embedded so deeply inside of me to the point where I started resenting my mom, and it moved from just childhood all the way into adulthood. I remember because I had I had terrible menstrual cramps, right? And I remember one day I went and I laid on her shoulder and she pushed me away, and I was so hurt because I was just in so much pain. And I did not even know that I I that would have that that it was it it it took root. And it started bearing fruit over time. And those fruits started showing up in how I communicated with my mom. You know, how I how I responded to her in a very harsh tone. And I was hurting. And I was also hurting her as well. And that is what happens, you know, when when we don't process our feelings, and when we don't communicate, and when these things are rooted so deep inside, we don't really want to hurt the other people. Because I don't want to hurt my mom. My mom is amazing and I love her dearly. Right? But we unintentionally hurt those people in our lives when we don't process these feelings. We have to deal with them when emotions surface, they can feel heavy. Right? For me, a long time survival taught me to push those feelings down. But healing invites them up so that we can release them. It's not to overwhelm you, but overwhelm you, but it's for you to release them. Right? Your mind and body, they are it's they're adjusting. What a lot of us don't realize is that healing is not just spiritual, but it is also neurological. Your brain is literally learning new patterns, your nervous system is adjusting to a new sense of safety. You are unlearning survival responses and learning regulation, and that takes energy. So when you feel tired in this process, it doesn't mean something is wrong. It simply means that something is changing, and the weight does not mean you're failing. Feeling heavy does not mean you're failing. Feeling overwhelmed does not mean you're weak. Feeling emotional does not mean you're going backward. It means you're doing some real work and you are worth it. You are worth it. Your children, they are worth it. Your family, your spouse, your friends, they are worth it. But most of all, you are worth it. That deep work that you're doing, you are worth it. And that work requires your honesty, courage, and surrender. But let me remind you today that God is not only present in your breakthrough moments, he is also present in those heavy moments too. So when you feel tired, he is there. When you feel overwhelmed, he is there. When you don't have the words, he is still there. The scripture says that he is close to the brokenhearted, he is not distant, he is close, and it means that when you are going through all of the heaviness, you are not alone. Again, the Bible tells us where Jesus God said, I will never leave you nor forsake you. Wholeness is not built in easy moments, it is built in the moments where you choose to keep going, even when it feels heavy, when you choose to feel instead of avoid, when you choose to trust God in the middle of the process, because heaviness is not here to destroy you, it is here to develop you. And let me tell you something, on the other side of that process, is a version of you that is stronger, freer, and more whole. And I want you to experience that version of you. I mean, I've experienced, I've been experiencing that version of me, and I'm telling you, I fall in love, I fall in love with myself every day over and over and over again. Yes, I do get triggered, all of those things happen. Yes, I do feel heavy, but I have learned over time that because I feel heavy doesn't mean that I'm regressing, it simply means that okay, there is something else there that I need to deal with, and I allow myself to feel I process it, and then after I'm finished with that one, I feel freer again and more whole and stronger, and I experience another version of myself, and I'm just so loving it. I'm grateful to God for the journey, and I want you to go on this journey, do not be afraid. The Bible says, Have I not commanded you to be strong and courageous? Come on, man, we're not doing it in our own strength, we're not doing it alone. If we're doing it alone, yes, it is going to be hard. You you are going to feel like you're not progressing, but when you do it with God, like I tell the Holy Spirit, I said, Listen, hold my hands, you know, hold my hands because I cannot do this alone. I need you, all right. So I'm wishing you an amazing weekend. Just know that I love you and I appreciate every single one of you so much. Remember to share the podcast with your friends and your families and even your children, and follow me on TikTok, I'm on Facebook, I'm also on LinkedIn, I am on what are the other ones? I'm on Instagram. Did I say that? And of course, please subscribe to my YouTube channel. The first episode is coming next week, Friday, on my birthday. You don't want to miss out on the first episode of my uh the beautiful me empowerment ministry YouTube shing ding. Amen. All right, glory to God. I don't even know how the shingding comes in, but you know, it's it's I I I honestly with all my heart want every single person to experience the growth and the healing that I have experienced, and it has really strengthened my relationship with God, and I'm just loving my journey with God, I'm loving just communicating with the Holy Spirit, just uh and just feeling God loving on me. And it doesn't mean my life is easy because let me tell you something the higher up that you go in spiritually, and the more you know, the more you grow, levels and levels is the more the attack is going to come, it's the more the spiritual warfare is going to come, and even just doing the podcast, I mean, the podcast, you know, thank you for my listeners all over the world, and you know, every territory that you go in, there's a different warfare, a different kind of spiritual warfare, and so my journey isn't easy, and and this is beautiful me, right? I'm being honest with you. I still struggle with parts of me, I still sometimes look in the mirror and I don't love me. Uh, you know, we're a work in progress. It doesn't mean that I'm not still beautiful me, and it doesn't mean that I don't love myself, it's just again emotional heaviness, and these things happen, amen. All right, so vulnerable moment right there. So the journey is not easy, but you know what? Even in the midst of the difficulties, God gives us peace and he gives us joy, even in the midst of the difficult moments, of the heaviness, of the brokenness, of the loss, of everything. You know, he is there. God bless you and I love you, Father. We thank you even in this moment for this day, and we just thank you for the courage and the boldness that you have given us, God, to walk away from what does not serve us any longer and to walk, oh God, into the person that you have created us to be. Cover every single person, every single listener. Meet them at their point of needs as well as their families, God. And we tell you thanks in Jesus' name. Amen. God bless you, have an amazing weekend. Just remember, Mo loves you, but God loves you even more.