The Loop🦋🦋

When your mind feels full and your heart feels tired…

Sometimes the greatest victories are followed by quiet moments of questioning and reflection. In this episode, we talk about what it means to trust God when the future feels unclear and your thoughts feel overwhelming.

If you’ve ever felt stuck in a loop of questions about purpose, finances, or the next chapter of life — this conversation is for you.

Your story isn’t over. You’re just standing in the space between what God has done and what He’s about to do next.

#BeautifulMe #HealingHappensInLayers #FaithJourney #TrustTheProcess

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:14

Good morning, good morning, good morning, and welcome to the Beautiful Me Empowerment Ministry podcast. Of course, I am your host, Monique Anderson, and it is a privilege to serve for those who are new to this space. I just want to welcome you, the Beautiful Me Empowerment Ministry. It was birthed out of my personal journey of healing. And it has turned, God actually has turned this journey into a movement, and it is my passion, it is my heart's desire that this ministry will help to heal, uh, for persons to grow, for persons to be restored and renewed, and just to learn, you know, uh the lessons, the the podcast episodes to be uh like a learning experience where we grow deeper and deeper in God every single morning that I share, you know, I believe that I am growing and I have grown a lot. Uh just sharing with you every morning has really one of one of my prayers over time was really and truly to study the word of God, but I don't know who is like me. I used to hate reading, and so just taking up the Bible, and I was like, I don't know where to start reading from, I don't know which chapter, I don't know which verse, and then by the time I go to Psalm and I said, Alright, I'm gonna read through Psalm. By the time I reach chapter three, that's it, and then at the beginning of the year, I don't know how many of us made that new year resolution and said, Alright, I am going to study the Bible this year, a chapter a day or so, and by the time we reach mid-January, that is it. And so, um, on my journey, that was one of the things that I wanted to do. I really wanted to study the word of God, and then when I started this healing journey, and the Holy Spirit would have prompted me to start this podcast, it really, really helped me to study the word of God because I have to read the scriptures, I have to listen to the Holy Spirit, you know, and what he's downloading, you know, each morning when I do share, and so I have grown through this ministry, and I'm grateful and I acknowledge, even right now, in this moment, I acknowledge the Holy Spirit and his lordship over my life, and it is my desire to continue to serve the Lord and to continue to press and learn more about his word, you know, and just grow in God, develop that relationship with God, and I hope that that is your desire as well. Um, so thank you so much for your support. Thank you for following, for liking, for tuning in, and for sharing the podcast. Thank you to those persons who have been giving me feedbacks. I really, really appreciate it. And of course, I take no credit for myself, but all credit, everything goes to God because I've had a lot of mornings when I'm like, I'm I'm just done with this. I I like I can't. I'm like, God, I just can't. You know, those moments when you get tired and weary, and you are allowed to get tired and weary, and the downloads don't come, and the topics don't come, and you I mean, physically, you're so drained, emotionally, mentally, you're so drained, you know. And I've wanted to give up a lot of times, but you know, the Lord would not have me give up. I rest, um, but the Lord would not have me give up, and so I'm grateful for those persons who have reached out to me to say, you know, keep going. The podcast is really helping me, and I've been sharing it with my friends, it's really motivating, and I thank you so much. On my birthday, a woman of God she reached out to me, you know, and she was just wishing me happy birthday, but also telling me thanks, you know, for sharing or allowing the Holy Spirit to use me to share uh on this podcast. And I had to say to her, like, who's cutting onions so early in the morning? You know, it brought tears to my eyes, and you know, that is it for me. If it is just one, as you would have known that I hosted a conference last weekend that was the 4th of April in Jamaica, my first beautiful me empowerment conference. And before I even go in the details of the conference, I just want to pray and invite the Holy Spirit in this space. And so, Heavenly Father, we honor you even in this moment. We give you glory, we give you honor, we give you praise. God, we come to you one more day with hearts that are honest and open. Father, we thank you for you keeping us, you have kept us, and today we can see confidently that we are kept by a loving, amazing, wonderful, caring God, and we are grateful for who you are, mighty God. And because of who you are, we choose to worship you, we choose to give you glory, we choose to give you honor, we choose to give you praise, mighty God, Father. You are an awesome God, and we exalt you, Abba Father. You are good, and you are great, and you are greatly to be praised, mighty God. Father, there is none like you. You are King of Kings, you are Lord of Lords, you are such a good, good, good, good, good and amazing Father. And we thank you. We thank you, God, for loving us, mighty God, on days when we ourselves felt like we did not deserve it. Father, we thank you this morning for your son Jesus Christ, whom you sent to die for our sins, mighty God. A gruesome death, mighty God. We thank you, God, for the sacrifice this morning, and we rejoice, oh God, in the resurrection of Jesus Christ. Because, oh God, this morning we are redeemed by the blood of the Lamb this morning. And we thank you, oh God. And even in this moment, we repent of our sins, God. We ask you to wash us and cleanse us and remove everything from us, God, that does not reflect who you are, that does not represent you, mighty God. Father, turn on heaven's searchlight on us this morning and search us, Abba Father. Know our heart, know our thoughts, God. See if there be some wicked ways in us. Cleanse us, oh God, from every sin and set us free this morning, Abba Father. As the Our Father prayer says, Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done in earth as it is in heaven. It says, forgive us, oh God, of our trespasses as we forgive those, oh God, who trespass against us. So we ask you, oh God, that you will help us also, even as you have forgiven us, that we forgive others, mighty God. A ko robo sai. Thank you, Jesus. And we ask you today, God, lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For yours is the kingdom, the power, and the glory, mighty God. Father God, today, even as we come in your presence, Father, some of us are grateful and some of us are simply tired, some of us are hopeful, and some of us feel so overwhelmed, mighty God, by many thoughts running through our minds. But God, you see the victories we have experienced and the silent disappointments that we carry at times. Father, you see the questions about our future, you see the moments of loneliness, you see the places where we feel misunderstood, and you see the financial pressure. Lord, you see everything because you are all knowing, you are omnipotent, omnipresent, omniscient, God. You see us, you know us, you hear us, you feel us, mighty God. And we thank you today, God. Thank you for bringing us this far. Thank you, God, for every door you have opened, thank you for every battle you have already carried us through. And Father, even in this moment, we ask you to quiet the noise in our minds today and bring peace, oh God, to the places where we feel overwhelmed and remind us that our lives are not out of control, they are still in your hands in Jesus' name. Hallelujah, amen. Glory be to the name of Jesus, hallelujah. So, as I was mentioning earlier, that you know, I hosted my first conference in my hometown last weekend, 4th of April, and oh my god, what a victory it was! And I mentioned yesterday in the podcast that the highlight of the conference was the fact that God went through all of that length and breath and energy and everything to plan a whole conference for one soul, and that was the highlight of the conference. That one soul surrendered his life to the Lord, and heaven rejoiced, like we rejoiced. Oh my god, it was such a beautiful experience, and the conference itself, it was an amazing experience, it was the first conference of that nature in my community, and I am still I still don't have language for uh, you know, just the level of gratitude that I feel in my heart. Uh, but you know, as the conference ended um on Saturday, just as I was heading home, you know, the Lord reminded me of the story of Elijah. And we know that Elijah had that amazing victory on Mount Carmel, you know, the fire, all the fireworks and everything. But what happened to Elijah afterwards was that Elijah retreated, he wanted to die, and the Holy Spirit would have just brought that up right there in my thoughts as I was heading home, and it was only yesterday that I realized that you know God was preparing me for what was coming after the conference because the following day, I believe, I received some disappointing news, and it broke me, and I thought about the I thought about what the Holy Spirit said, but I just didn't I didn't get it at the time. And today I want to talk to you about the loop. Uh, so we're straying a little bit from the topic, and I love to be vulnerable. The the Holy Spirit would have allowed me to um start this ministry, as I said, it was for my own healing initially, and then it became a movement, and vulnerability is a part of this movement where I share. Uh, and so yesterday or over the past couple of days after the conference, I found myself in a loop. I don't know if you've ever had a moment where you know it feels like your mind has a million thoughts running through it at the same time. So, on the one end, you're grateful, but then you're also tired, you're celebrating a victory, but at the same time, you're processing a disappointment. You feel like you have so much to say, but but you can't even find the words, like there's no language to express what's happening inside of you, and so your mind starts asking a billion questions like what's next for my life, will things work out financially? Am I moving forward or starting over? Will I ever have someone to share this journey with? And suddenly it feels like you're stuck in a loop. That's where I've found myself over the past couple of days, and when I receive the I'm gonna call it rejection, redirection, right? Because so rejections they are really redirections, so I'm gonna put it that way. And so the following day after the conference, when I received some not so nice news, I I had to hold the tears back because I didn't want my mom and my dad to get worried, and hey, I just had a victory, so I held the tears back, and two days later, I I just had to release them, but even though all of that was happening, like it's like there was just so many things happening all at once, and there was like there was a lot of downloads that was happening and everything, and I just felt stuck. I felt stuck in a loop, and I I reached out to my sister, my bestie, and you know, because I can talk to her, and I yesterday I reached out to her and I said to her that you know I feel like I'm stuck in a loop with a million thoughts running through my mind. It's like I have so much to see, but I don't know how to put the words together, and sometimes it feels like I'm carrying a ton of downloads emotionally and mentally, and I really have I really don't have a place to to release them. So it's like in one hand, I'm so grateful to God for the amazing victory of the conference because it was truly special and and I know it was purposeful, but at the same time, the rejection that I received that I'm calling a redirection, like it hit me so hard, it hit me harder than I really and truly expected, and it just made me feel like I'm back at square one in some areas of my life, and it it was just weighing down on me a lot, and you know, I'm acknowledging the fact that there are positive things happening, and I know that God is moving, but emotionally it feels like I'm holding joy, disappointment, gratitude, and exhaustion all at once, and it gets lonely, right? Y'all know girls single, so you know it kind of gets lonely. There was a moment there when I was like, I wish I had that person, you know, a partner that you could just sit with and share the load, share the load of life with, you know, share the victory. I mean, yes, I had mom and dad, and you know, oh my god, I cried, but they were good tears because you know, I had all of these persons from the community who came, and you know, they were just saying thank you for allowing the Holy Spirit to use you. The conference was so good, and they were just expressing gratitudes, and of course, you know, they went back down to memory lane and reminded me where I was coming from, and this is quite emotional, but this is beautiful. Me, and they came and they were like, you know, they were like, daughter, who would have known that some person saw me as daughter, and you know, they were like, We're proud of you, and all of that. And I'm I'm going to be honest with you guys because family, not guys, take that back. Family, I'm gonna be honest with you. Like, I I if I'm being honest, truly, I I see my I I don't know how to describe how I see myself. Persons will say, Oh, you're doing this and you're doing that, and you're creating impact and everything. And to be honest, I just see myself as that simple little girl, and maybe God has me in that space for a reason, right? But back to you know, just expressing myself yesterday and saying to my sister that you know, just not having that person. Yes, you have family, yes, you have those people coming around and saying thank you and everything, but you know, just having that partner to just sit and share with, and you know, I was happy too that I could reach out to my sister yesterday, you know, and she really listened to me, and I guess that's what I needed in that time, and so today, like I felt like I just needed to share. Maybe you are in this place today where you feel stuck in a loop, so you're between gratitude, you're between um disappointments, there's just so much that is happening where you're at right now, and you are asking all of these questions. I'm gonna go back to the story of Elijah after the victory, because in first that the Holy Spirit downloaded, found in 1 Kings chapter 18, where Elijah experienced one of the greatest victories recorded in scripture. God answers his prayer with fire from heaven on Mount Carmel, and there was no denying that it was a moment of undeniable power, right? But then it was what happened next. Elijah became overwhelmed, he became discouraged, he runs into the wilderness and he tells God he feels like he cannot continue. And if you think about it, this is a man who just experienced a massive spiritual victory, who suddenly finds himself emotionally exhausted. And the Lord last night, as I poured out to my sister and I started praying, you know, the Holy Spirit started speaking to me, and he said, Guess what? You're feeling this way because sometimes after you pour out so much, your mind and heart needs time to recover. Many people who carry purpose experience this. So you pour into people, you build something meaningful, you show up for others, but afterwards there can be a moment where your heart whispers, what now? So the adrenaline of the moment settles and the silence gets louder, and the questions about the future starts rising, and suddenly it feels like your mind is full. And I felt for a moment like, what now? And because of the rejection/slash redirection, I felt like, oh my god, I'm back at square one. But the Lord reminded me, and I'm saying this to you too. I don't know who this is for. This might not be for everybody that is listening. If God allowed you to build something to impact lives and walk through the doors you've already walked through, you're not starting over, you are standing in transition, and transition can feel confusing because you're no longer where you used to be, but the next chapter hasn't fully revealed itself as yet. And if we look at the psychological perspective, when the mind gets overloaded, so the brain processes too many emotions all at once and it tries to solve everything immediately. So you Your mind begins to ask questions about your purpose, about relationships, about security, about even who you are. But the mind cannot solve the entire future in one moment. And that's why the loop begins. So the mind keeps spinning because it's trying to find answers to questions that only time and God's direction can reveal. And sometimes God is literally inviting us into a moment of rest instead of resolution. And it was only yesterday, you know, the Holy Spirit was just pouring into me, depositing into me, and said, This is why, when you were leaving the conference, I reminded you of the story of Elijah. It was not that I was saying to you that okay, yes, Elijah had the victory, and yes, he felt um depressed and just felt like he couldn't make it, and that is how you're going to feel. But rather, I was saying to you, I wanted you to see the bigger picture that what Elijah needed was rest. He needed rest. And when Elijah reached that point of exhaustion, God didn't lecture him, but rather he gave him rest and food and reassurance. Because sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is simply breathe and say, God, I trust you with the future. And so that was what the Holy Spirit was trying to say to me, even in that moment. He was saying that more and whoever this is for this morning, yes, you had the victory, and yes, you're gonna probably feel exhausted and depressed, and and ask the questions like, What next? What do I do now? Did was this really successful? What was that couple? You start asking all the questions, but what he's simply saying is that I want now for you to go in a place of rest and let me feed you with spiritual food. And I'm going to be honest with you that even with the the the the downloads that I've been having, it is a lot of spiritual food that he's downloading, but it it it just yes, he's downloading the spiritual food, yes. I have the questions, yes, there's the victory, yes, there's the redirection, and I'm going to be honest that it just felt like I am in this loop in my head, and it was just overwhelming. And maybe that's where you are today. If you're listening and your mind feels full of questions, your life is not stuck, and your story is not over. You are simply standing in the space between what God has already done and what He's about to reveal next. Honestly, that space feels uncomfortable, but it is also that space where faith grows the deepest, and so even as I've shared, you know, about where I'm at with the hopes that it will help somebody if you feel like this is where you're at. Maybe it's not a conference that you you had, maybe it's a degree that you just completed and you're like, what next? Maybe it's it's some different kind of accomplishment. Maybe you've received a redirection. I'm not gonna call it a disappointing news or rejection. Maybe you've you're you've been redirected and you're like, oh my god, I'm gonna have to start over from scratch. I'll remind you of something that the Lord said to me a couple years ago when I went through the divorce, and he said to me, You're not starting from scratch, but you're starting from experience, and he reminded me that I don't mind starting over because I'm good like that. I am God. So I just want you to know that you're not stuck, you're not lost, and your steps are ordered by God, and everything meant for you will unfold in its perfect time. Sometimes the greatest victories are followed by quiet moments of questioning and reflectioning and reflection, and that's okay. That is okay, your story is not over again. You're just standing in between the space of what God has done and what he's about to do next. And trust me, when him comes, him go on with himself. So I hope that you were encouraged this morning, just as much as the Holy Spirit has encouraged me, and just know that everything meant for you will unfold in its perfect time. God, for every listener whose mind feels overwhelmed with questions about the future. I ask that you release your peace over them today. Calm the storm of thoughts that keep them up at night. Remind them that their story is still unfolding, that their purpose is still alive, and that their lives are still guided by your hand. Give them strength for the journey and faith for what they cannot yet see. In Jesus' name. Amen. God bless you. I love you, but God loves you even more. Have an amazing day in the Lord.