Episode 4 - We’re in the Room — So Why Aren’t We Seen?

In Episode 4, Nora explores a reality many leaders know too well: being in the room doesn't always mean being seen. Through personal stories and hard-earned lessons, she unpacks the difference between access, influence, and recognition, and why perception often matters as much as performance. This candid conversation challenges listeners to stop shrinking, stop over-explaining, and start owning their leadership, even in systems that weren't built to value it.

Transcript

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Hello everyone. ¿Cómo están todos? Welcome, welcome. I'm so excited to welcome everybody to El Grano con Nora, real talk on power, possibility without the fluff. My name is Nora Margas. And for over 30 years, I've been on the front lines navigating crisis and breaking barriers, from being an executive assistant to a community organizer, CEO, and the last about 12 years making decisions, care responsibility, navigating every all sorts of complicated issues as an elected official, and as I say often, without a playbook. And so I created this podcast about real talk, real conversation, about leadership, power, responsibility, and possibility, and what it means to keep believing and redefining the American dream, despite it all. I bring a little bit of a different lens to the leadership because the reality is that the world doesn't look the same for everyone, and it definitely doesn't look the same for Latinas and for women of color. And I really believe that now more than never we need to talk about that. I know a lot of entities are trying to step away from them, but I think it's really, really important that we talk about how we redefine leadership because I know that many times I've been told, and I'm sure you've been told, that you know, you need to lean in, you need to let them, you need to be imperfect, you need to be vulnerable, you need to be your authentic self. And then you do, y que pasa? And out you go. So, how do we navigate that? How do we navigate what people are expecting of us? And how do we lead on our own terms while still operating in systems that weren't built for us or created by us? We still have to learn them, we navigate them, we push them, and sometimes, you know, many of us, we change them. And it's absolutely exhausting. It's real, and that's what the season of season two is all about. So let lessons from leading from the front line, not theories, and um, but actually like really redefining leadership from the front line. So today we're gonna talk about something that I think it's really important, right? Uh, our real talk conversation today, it really is about what happens when you're in the room and you're still not seen. And I want us to take a moment uh to really think about that because there are many times where we are in the room, but people don't see us because it isn't about access, right? They tell you just bring your chair, uh make your own table. And many times you are in that room and we are at the table and you are doing the work, and still there are moments where it feels like you're not being fully heard, you're not fully being valued, and you're not fully recognized. And this isn't about like, whoa is me. Um, and to be true, to be real, I've felt that. Uh, I've been in the rooms where I knew I was super prepared, where I understood the issue, where I had the experience, and still you could feel it. The hesitation, the second guessing, the subtle shift in energy. Um, and it wasn't loud or obnoxious, but it was there. And over time, you actually learn how to read it, right? And you learn to know when to push, when to pause, or when to just reframe. Because you're not leading, you're also navigating perception. Um, and being in that room doesn't automatically mean that you're being seen. Access is not the same as influence. I want you to hear that, right? Because it's people say, oh, you know, you keep keep keep pushing, keep trying to get in there, all you know need to do is be in the room, but it's really not that simple. Access is not the same as influence, and influence is not the same as recognition, and it's it shows up in small ways. You say something and it doesn't land, uh, and then someone else says the same thing later and suddenly it's their idea. Uh, if I could ask you to raise your hands and I was having a conversation with you in person right now, I could totally imagine all of your heads just shaking with the idea that yeah, you raise a concern and sometimes it gets dismissed, right? And and so they it's a really um interesting space to be is in because you know you raise it and then sometimes it becomes a problem, and then somebody says, Well, why didn't anybody flag this earlier and you're selling it, thinking I did, I told you so, but you don't say that, right? And these moments add up, and this is not just one story, it's a pattern. And I've sat and I've been seeing across organizations, across sectors, across leadership levels, and there's a lot of talented people doing the work, carrying responsibility, and they and and then you still get overlooked, you pass over, you restructure out, or you're replaced. And it's not because these women were not delivering, it was because of how they were being seen. And when you see that though, you realize that at times it's not about performance, it really is about perception. And that's why being in the room doesn't always mean that you're gonna be recognized. And this is where it gets complicated because you start asking yourself, do I speak up? Do I push harder? Do I let it go? Do I adapt? Or do I stay exactly who I am? Because you want to be your authentic self, right? They've told you to be your authentic self. You want to lean in, but if you do lean in too much, then you know they're telling you that you know you're too assertive and too direct. And so, how do I learn, how do we lead on these terms? Because the most of the time that's really exhausting. And um, and trying to be understood while also doing the work is really a lot. And so the tension is real. So, first we must acknowledge it. Um, and in the last episode, we talked about how we lead, right, with awareness, with responsibility, with care. But what happens when those very things aren't what gets you rewarded? And I've seen it at every level, right? In community spaces, in executive leadership, in public office, where the leadership is there, the insight is there, and the work is happening, but it's not always being named. And if we're being honest, sometimes it's not that people don't see you, it's that they don't fully know how to value what you bring to the table. Because the system knows how to reward a certain kind of leadership, right? The clear hierarchy, the control, the speed. But leadership that centers people takes time and it should be asking different questions, and it doesn't always fit neatly into these expectations. And I want you to remember that because there's ways of making sure that if this is these are the circumstances that are happening to you, you actually are able to do something about it. So in the no mancha section today, I want to talk about this, right? No manches, like how exhausting it is to have to prove yourself over and over again. Like in every room, there's a new test. Uh, at some point, it's not you know about that recognition or even proving yourself. Let's be real, it's just about being able to walk in the room and and being able to do the work. And sometimes, or most of the time, people are comfortably benefiting from your work without fully acknowledging your leadership, right? That part. And so, what's important here? It's important to build allies, it's important to make sure that you are finding the right people to be your champions. It is important to identify um how you manage up, right? In those cases where where you know or you have the answers and you're seeing like the ship go navigating the wrong way, and you are able to say, actually, these are the things that we should be doing. And sometimes you don't do it in the room. Sometimes you find a way to pull somebody aside and say it in a different way, but you have to find ways to ensure that your work is acknowledged. Because I know that for real, for many, many of us, right? We've been told, no te crees la muy mue, and all that. But the truth is, is that as we develop and as we continue to grow in these roles, it's important to acknowledge the work, to make sure that you're getting the recognition, and to also highlight it. Highlight it. And so I shared with somebody the other day in one of my coaching opportunities, I said, you know, one of the wonderful things that you should do is like, you know, do a quarterly report. I'm not making you do more work, but if you are in these roles, you know, do a monthly, uh quarterly report because monthly can be too much, where you are highlighting the great work that you have done in the last quarter above and beyond. Because sometimes we just assume that people know all the great work things that we're doing, even if they are in the room with you, but it's not always that, right? So, what I want you to uh take from today's um conversation and the granito de oro is I want to leave you with this. If you ever feel unseen, it doesn't mean you're not leading, it doesn't mean you're not ready, it doesn't mean you're not enough, it just means you're operating in a system that actually hasn't fully cut up. So I want you to reflect on this. Think about where are you shrinking, where are you dimming that light because you don't feel seen? Where am I over-explaining to try to be understood? Where am I caring more without naming it? And what would I have to shift if I stopped questioning my leadership and starting owning it? And I understand that the this puts the onus on you as the individual, and that the reality is that everybody else should catch up with us, but as we are doing that and and and all of that work, it's extremely important that we are seen because leadership isn't just what's visible, it's what's carried, and that caring and what you carry um can actually create resentment in those spaces. So being in the room is not the end goal, right? And just being in the room, you know, going to the dinner, chicken dinner, all that stuff, that's not the point. It should be to be seen, to be heard, and to be valued. Because when you are seen, when you're heard and you're valued, your leadership expands. And maybe this should this this not changing how you lead, but changing how you claim it because we're not invisible invincible, we've been uninvisible, we are underestimated many times, right? And that's not the same thing. Being invisible and being underestimated are not the same thing. I want you to remember that. I want you to remember that you deserve to be in those rooms, that you you deserve to be seen, you deserve to be heard, and you deserve to be valued. And that is what we are doing to make sure that we are redefining what leadership looks like despite it all. So let's keep going. Make sure that if you enjoyed this podcast, you share it with your friends on um all of the mediums where podcasts are listened to, right? On uh Spotify and Apple. And share it with your friends, give me feedback, let me know what else you want to listen to. But mostly I want to make sure that you are seen, that you are heard, and more importantly, that you continue to grow so that you can make sure that you're leading the teams and you're leading our communities the way our communities deserve. Thank you so much, and I hope you have a fantastic day.