Episode 5 - What do you want to be when you grow up?

What kind of life do you want to live?

In Episode 5 of Al Grano, Nora reflects on a question she asks students, leaders, and executives all the time—one she was never asked growing up.

From crossing the border daily as a young student to serving as a CEO and elected official, Nora shares how focusing on the next step can sometimes keep us from asking bigger questions about purpose, fulfillment, and the life we truly want to build.

A thoughtful conversation about leadership, possibility, and redefining success on your own terms.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Hola, hola. Welcome to Algrano Conora, a real talk on power and possibility without the fluff. My name is Nora Vargas, and for over 30 years, I've been on the front lines navigating crisis and breaking barriers. From being an executive assistant to a community organizer, CEO, and an elected official for 12 years. Yep, you're right. You heard it right, 12 years of making decisions, carrying responsibility, and navigating it all without a playbook. This podcast is about real talk, real conversation, and about leadership, power, responsibility, and possibility. And what does it mean to keep believing and redefining the American dream despite it all? I'm bringing a little bit of a different uh lens to leadership because the reality is the world doesn't look the same for everyone. And it definitely doesn't look the same for Latinas or for women of color. And we need to talk about that. How many times have you been told, lean in, let them be imperfect, be vulnerable, be your authentic self? And then when you do, dan una patada, and out you go. So how do we navigate that? How do we lead on our terms while still operating in systems that weren't billed for us? We learn then, uh, we learn them, we navigate them, we push them, and sometimes we dismantle them, sometimes we create new pathways, but it's pretty exhausting, but it's real. And that's what the season two is about. Lessons from leading on the front lines, not theory, but what actually holds. So today I want to talk about a question that I've been asking a lot lately. Actually, it's a question that not only do I ask students, but I ask leaders, I ask executives, and I ask people who are trying to figure out what's next. And every single time I ask it, I think I'm asking the same question, but nobody answers the question the same way, right? So every single time I ask it, I think the same thing. Nobody ever asks me this question, and maybe that's why I ask it now. And so when I was growing up, I never had anybody ask me, what kind of life do you want, right? How do you want to live? People always ask me, what do you want to be? What are you gonna study? What's your next step? What's your plan? And those aren't bad questions. Nobody said that they're not bad questions. They're really important questions, but there's a different question because you can answer every one of them, right? You can achieve every one of them and still wake up one day wondering is this the life that I really wanted? So many people know I grew up in Tijuana, and like many families along the border, life wasn't dividing neatly into one world or another. We lived in both, and every day I crossed the border, every day I moved between languages, cultures, expectations, and opportunities. But looking back now, I realized that crossing that border taught me a lot about leadership long before I knew what leadership was. It taught me adaptability, adaptability, uh, it taught me resilience, it taught me how to navigate spaces that weren't always designed for me. But what it didn't teach me was how to ask myself, what kind of life do I want? Because when you're focused on opportunity, you're focused on survival, education, on work and family, the question really never is, what kind of life do you want? And so the question is, how do I make this work? How do I get through school? How do I help my family? How do I create opportunities? How do I keep myself moving forward? And for many first generation kids, immigrant families, and people carrying responsibilities beyond themselves, that feels very familiar. Because you're always focused on the next step, the next step, the next step, and always thinking about um, you know, where where else am I supposed to, now that I'm here, yeah? Right. And before you know it, years have gone by, and for much of my life that was my focus. Que sigue. I got through school, I work hard, I learned English, I build experiences, create opportunities, keep moving, keep moving. So I was a board member, and I remember wanting to be a board member of hope, like the Latina organization. And then I'm okay, so now I want to be the first Latina chair of hope from San Diego. And now I want to do this, and now I want to do that. And and let me be clear, it's uh looking, I'm really grateful for my journey and it's shaped me, and it's also taught me a lot of discipline, taught me perseverance, it taught me service, but it also created a habit, which I think is uh an interesting habit to have of always focusing on achieving and what's next, and not really like sitting in that moment and reflecting, a habit of focusing on responsibility, and and so I kept moving. So whether it was an executive assistant, community organizer, nonprofit leader, a CEO, elected official, uh chair of the board, one opportunity led to another, one challenge led to another, one responsibility led to another. And every time I reached a milestone, there was another one waiting. Another title, another project, another campaign, another responsibility. And don't get me wrong, I'm really super proud of my accomplishments, but I'm sharing this with you because I am very proud. But somewhere along the way, um, I learned that something really important that achievement and fulfillment are not the same thing. So I want you to hear that. Achievement and fulfillment are not the same thing. Success and peace are not the same thing. Titles and purpose are definitely not the same thing. And so you can achieve something you've worked really hard for and still have questions. You can accomplish a goal and still be searching for more meaning. You can arrive exactly where you thought you wanted to be and realize there are deeper questions you haven't answered yet. And that's why I really enjoy asking people the question now, because nobody nobody ever asked me. And because I think it may be one of the most important leadership questions we can ask ourselves. Not what do you want to be, but how do you want to live? So today I'm gonna ask you. If you're driving, I want you to keep your eyes open. I mean, don't don't close your eyes, but if you're in a space where you're safe and and you can do this, I want you to take a deep breath and I a real deep breath, and I want you not to be rushed, uh, you know, like you're running around all day and stuff. I want you to take a real one in and out, and again, do it again, in and out, and now imagine yourself. Close your eyes and imagine yourself a year from today. A year from today, not your next promotion, not your next title, your life. Where are you waking up? Who is around you? How do you feel? What are you doing more of? What are you doing less of? What brings you joy? What makes you proud? All right, now you can open your eyes and let that sink in. Now I want you to think about three years from now in the future, right? Three years from now, close your eyes. I want you to be there in the same, like wherever you are three years from now. And so, what has changed? What have you learned? What did you let go of? Who have you become? Okay, think about that. How does it feel? All right, so now we're gonna open up our eyes again and we're gonna do one more. Now you're five years ahead. What are you building? What matters most? What relationships um have deepened? What are you protecting, right? What kind of life have you created? Do you have peace? Do you have purpose? Do you have the people that you love? Do you recognize yourself? And you can go on and do the 10 years, etc. And I know things change and there's a lot of shifts, but I think if you really take time to facilitate this process for yourself, I've done it for students and uh for leaders, and something fascinating happens. I ask them to imagine one year, three years, five years, like I just did for you, and then ask them what kind of life do you want? And almost every single time the answers surprise me because almost nobody talks about what title. Nobody says, I want a bigger office, I want a bigger title, I want more followers. Um, they talk about family, they talk about community, they talk about their health, they talk about purpose, what brings them joy, what are um belonging and meaning, the things that actually make up a life. And that's when I realized that maybe we've been asking the wrong question, right? Maybe the question isn't what do you want to be when you grow up? And think about it. When you were like nine years old, well, I did know that I wanted to run for office when I was nine years old, but I was kind of weird. I'm just kidding, I'm not weird. But um, but I did, I did want to make a difference. And I thought that uh through a luck that I elected office. I remember telling my mom, I think I've mentioned the story before, where I'm like sitting there in front of Congress and say, hey, mom, take a picture of me because someday I'm going to be an elected official. And, you know, some people have that, and some people have thought about what they want to be, but really that is not really a reflection of what kind of life you want, right? Or what kind of life you aspire to have. Because those are very different questions. One asks about achievement and the other asks about meaning. So the meaning of what type of life you want to have. One asks about title and the other asks about a life. And here's what I know today: success means something different to me now than it did 20 years ago. I absolutely still care about impact, I care about leadership, I still care about making a difference, but I care more about peace, more about purpose, and more about relationships, meaningful relationships, more about alignment, and more about creating a life that reflects the values I say I believe in. Because to me, that gives me direction. It's not a roadmap, but it's direction and something sometimes direction is enough. And I know you know some folks are gonna listen to this and be like, you know, that's a lot of privilege, Nora. And no manches was ab. Uh, and that's what I want to talk about in our no mancha section, right? Can we talk about how much pressure we put on ourselves to have everything figure out? And I get it, right? Um, there's privilege in being able to take a minute to step and just to really think. And I've I've mentioned it before, right? So, like when you get home from work and you park in your garage or in your park in your driveway, or before you walk into your house if you're taking the bus, uh, you really like kind of just sometimes need a moment to just like let it all like breathe and stuff. But you know, who we are throughout the years, and you know, how are you supposed to have all the answers at 18? Like to know where you want to be for the rest of your life, or at 22, where you're supposed to have a career plan or 30, have it all together and at 40, and you know, and I have friends who have told me before, right? The older you get, the better it gets. And it's absolutely true. But how do you live in that moment? And how do you make sure that somewhere along the way you stop asking, you know, what kind of life uh you want to be instead of actually um you know, spending so much time being busy and forgetting whether becoming someone who you actually want to be uh is what you do. Because when you do that, the world seems very different. The other way of just thinking about what do you want to build, what's next, where do we do, you know, where do I go, who like all the all of those steps can be extremely exhausting. And so as I think about El Granito de Oro, right, to leave you with is this week I want you to just take 10 minutes, right? Just 10 and ask yourself one year, three years, five years, what kind of life do you want to have? What kind of life do you aspire to have? What do I want more of? And I'm not talking about material things, right? I'm talking about what you know, walking, you know, like I uh I kayak now on Saturdays, and somebody was saying, like, really? And I'm like, yep, that's being out in the water, being out in nature brings me peace. And so what is that, what does that look like for you, right? What do I want less of, right? Toxicity, drama, what what is it that really makes you be in that place where you're really thinking about the life that you want to have? What values guide you? What impact do I have that I want to have? Because when you answer those questions, honestly, something really shifts within you. You stop chasing someone else's definition of what success is, and you really start creating your own. You stop asking, What do I want to be? And you start asking, who am I becoming? And that to me is a much more powerful question. Who am I becoming? Apport is una palabra muy interessante, right? What am I actually like? It's kind of like a legacy question, but who am I becoming? And that is a very powerful question as you're thinking about the future. And so with that, I want to say thank you for being here. Thank you for listening, thank you for sharing this space with me. I hope today's conversation gave you something to think about, something to reflect on, and maybe even something to act on. Because the truth is that leadership isn't just about what happens in boardrooms or government buildings or positions of authority. Leadership happens every day in your homes, in our communities, in our workplace, and in the choices that we make when nobody's watching. And that's what the season is about. Season two is really about lessons from leading on the front lines, not theory, but what actually holds. And if today's conversation resonated with you, I hope you'll share it with someone who needs to hear it. A friend, a colleague, a fellow leader, or someone who's still trying to figure out what leadership looks like on their own terms. Make sure to leave a comment, send a message, or to a friend. I'd love to hear what you're thinking about and what conversations you'd like us to have next. This is El Grano, real talk on power and possibility without the fluff. And this is the American Dream Despite It All. Until next time, take care of yourselves and each other. Nos vemos pronto.