6-21-26 Walking in the Wilderness: Father's Day Edition

Guest speaker and NextGen Director, Jordin, looks at the issue our society faces today of men walking in the wilderness. What can men, women, and the church do about it?

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

You know, you all laughed this at the welcome when I said fixing toilets, but that song really captures the idea that this is worship and that is worship. And I think Dave personifies that he's our worship director and gets a lot of praise for this stuff, but then he's also the toilet guy. And uh we we think it's kind of funny, but the reality is there is just as much worship in leading people to praise as also making sure that the people that are coming to praise and the people of God have a functioning toilet. And so it is those everyday moments when we really can worship God, and it's not just here, that's a great place to do it, but it's also in those moments as well. Well, my name is Jordan. I am the next gen director here. Pastor Ken is on our mission trip uh to Hungary, and so just continue to pray for the team there that they're the hands and feet of Jesus and helping to just pour the love of God into the kids that they're working with uh for their safety and travels as they as they come back. But last year, Pastor Ken said, Hey, would you speak on Mother's Day? Oh yeah, that's easy. I'm a mom, I'm a woman, I could do that. Hey, this year, I'm out on Father's Day. Would you like to speak on Father's Day? I don't know. I, you know, like that feels a little interesting. And so we're gonna we're gonna make it through, but as an important additive to this uh message is gonna be the inclusion of dad jokes throughout, because I think that'll just help alleviate some of the tension with that. So I want to start with one that is did you know that the word Arkansas is in the Bible? Noah looked out the ark and saw. But yes, thank you. Be prepared for more as we go. Pastor Ken is in a series on being in the wilderness. And as I was thinking about what to speak on for Father's Day, I thought, you know what? I'm gonna continue with that theme because the reality is, I think our society and our culture has banished men to the wilderness. And I think when you look out there in the landscape of men today, and I think men would probably agree that society has kind of left them thinking, where do I fit in? Where can I be the man that the Bible tells me to be? And we have kind of banished them to the wilderness. And so we're continuing in this walking in the wilderness, but looking at then how do we help as a church and as men and as women make sure we can bring men out of the wilderness? Because you'll see in a bit why it is so important. And I think part of the reason that men have ended up in the wilderness is this real emphasis on toxic masculinity. Now, the idea is there are things that historically men have done that are toxic that we should work to get rid of, right? Abuse, harassment, misogyny. These are things that absolutely we want to get away from. They are toxic. But unfortunately, we've thrown the baby out with the bathwater, and we've thrown out anything that makes a man a man is suddenly toxic. And so I think we want to make sure that that wilderness walking of wondering where men fit in, we can help bring them out of. Because we really, really need men, and we really need fathers and men who are pouring into the next generation. And if you don't believe me, here's some statistics. Kids with involved fathers are two times more likely to go to college. They are 80% less likely to spend time in jail, they're 75% less likely to experience teen pregnancy. Of all the high school dropouts, 71% of them come from fatherless homes. And 90% of all runaways are from fatherless homes. And it's also in the church, Touchstone released some statistics where when both mom and dad are attending church as the child is growing up, about 33% of those children will continue to be regular church attenders as adults. Now, that, as the next gen person, is an alarming percentage. Right there, mom and dad coming regularly with their family. Only 3% or 33% of those kids were continuing to be church attenders as adults. And so that's why, as we talked about with Ron last week, we want to be the church. I don't want us to be 33%, right? We're shooting for 100 that all the kids that are here, regardless of who brings them here, right? Mom, dad, grandparents, whoever it is, that we help them not be a part of the other part of that statistic, and that we are working to invest in them, whether it's a building or our ministries, because we want to raise that. Interesting in this statistic, 44% of kids continued to attend regularly when just dad attended church with them. And then when just mom is the regular a church tender in the home, only 3% of those kids continued to be attenders in their adulthood. Now, this is not to bash moms. There are certainly so many other statistics that show that moms play a really important part in the faith development of their children. But when we look at that established role model for continuing to attend church, the dad plays a huge role. And now there are families where this is a completely unavoidable situation, whether it's divorce or death or whatever it might be, that we see that statistic. And so then as a church, it should be our job to say we need to rally around those people, right? If you see people, you know, kids who maybe are lacking some of that father role model, we then, the men of the church, you should be rising up to be that for them. Because we as this church don't want to be those statistics. And so I don't say these stats to diminish what moms might feel or to highlight situations people are in, but rather just to say men in church make a difference. And so a lot has changed, but we need to help men get out of the wilderness so that they can be living godly lives and dads that are raising godly children. And so I want to focus on three groups that I think can help us in this mission of getting men out of the wilderness. First, the men. And I'll start with a joke to ease all of our tension. Why did Matthew, Mark, and Luke have to talk to the teacher after class? They had very similar book reports. So how did we get here? Well, before the Industrial Revolution, men worked at home or in the communities, right? Doing agriculture things, um, hands, trades, but they were all part of the community. Then the Industrial Revolution came, and men just got shipped out of the homes into the cities to work in factories. And that is when you started to see this kind of dad goes over here to work, mom does the things with the home and the children, and that the two don't really intertwine in those duties. And so men kind of got booted out of the home, and you saw this start to change in the way they approached their fathership and the leading of their home. And so another question for men is where is your purpose? So society kind of changed, and with the Industrial Revolution said, it's in your job, it's in your hobby. And I think has really emphasized that for many men, who they are is their work. It is their hobbies, it's those things. And I heard a quote that no one on their deathbed is thinking, boy, I wish I'd worked more. And really, I mean, I mean, maybe there's some one person, but like most people don't get to the end of their life and think, oh, you know, I the vacations were great. I spent a lot of time with my kids, but boy, if I had just worked more, I think I'd feel more satisfied. And yet we see as a trend, men really putting that stake in their jobs. And so instead, we want to move from your job says who you are, to who does Jesus say you are? Who are you in Christ? What does the Bible say you are, right? That you're a man of God, not a man of the lowest golf score that you can get, which I hear low is good. I'm not a golfer, so but that you're really putting your identity in who God says you are, not those other things. Another question is how are you developing? You know, all these other things come with manuals, right? You go to IKEA, especially, and you get the most convoluted manual you can possibly get for how to assemble things. And most men take that and chuck it out, and then later you find a screw that you should have used in the cabinet, you know, in you know, six steps earlier. But when it comes to having children, no one gives you a manual. They give you a child and say, good luck. And yet it's the most probably difficult job that most people will have. And so, how are you working to develop as a parent, as a dad? And something that we've kind of tried to do here with our BFF or our building faithful families is just helping parents develop. And and I didn't start it because I think I have all the answers, but just how can we come alongside and say, hey, here's some ideas, here's some things to try. But are you being intentional about your parenting? You know, women tend to be like, read all the books and all the social media, and this person says this and this. And men tend to just kind of go with it and see what happens. But there is some element of developing into the best father, parent, role model, whoever it is that you can be. Another question for the men are you raising a disciple of Jesus or are you raising the next Mahomes, the next Jordan, the next Poolholes? Because less than 1% of high school athletes will become professional. Less than 1%. And yet, did you remember the stats for kids who continue in church when their dads do? And yet we tend to really focus, and I get it, right? I did sports, I did the competitive thing, and it's fun and it's exciting. But at the end of the day, what's going to matter is did you invest in them to be disciples of Jesus? And so it's okay to have the teams and do the things, but just think about priorities. What does your family schedule, your calendar, your involvement say to your kids about what you really hope they come to be in their life? Another question, men, are you raising boys to be men of God and girls to see the man of God they should pursue? Are you raising boys to become men of God? Right? To to be gentlemen, to care, to do the things, to serve to all the things. But are you also, if you have daughters or to the other girls, are you demonstrating who she should be looking for in her future? Right? What does what's a man of God that she should seek to care for her, to lead her, to love her, right? Are we being those demonstrations for the kids? And you don't even have to be a parent to in here in our church family be that demonstration. And my last question for the men is Are you a servant? So many scriptures are about serving. Jesus talks so much, right? You want to be the greatest, be the least. Jesus says, I came to serve, not to be served. And then Jesus, in the greatest sacrifice of service ever, lays down his life for all of us. That we don't have to work for anything, but just trusting in the blood that Jesus was willing to shed, we're washed clean. The ultimate servant. Are you a servant? Are you a servant to your family, to your friends, to this church? You know, the World Cup is is going on now, and so you can watch all the soccer or the football, I guess as we should probably call it, all the uh, you know, flopping on the ground because you got brushed by. That's the one thing with the soccer I'm really having a hard time with is the embellishment. But anyway, in soccer, right, is a lot like church. 22 exhausted people in desperate need of rest while everyone else is watching. But it's true, right? They say that statistically, 20% of people do 80% of the work in most groups. And as the PTO president of Wingate Elementary, I can tell you that that is quite true, if not slightly lower. It is hard to get people to serve. And yet it is like the all the thing that Jesus hammers in, his example, so much of it is serving others. And so we don't want to be the soccer game with 22 exhausted people. We want to all plug in. And I can tell you that it sets up a legacy in your family, right? When you serve and show your children and others, it sets that up. I know I have a problem saying no to things, which explains the amount of hours I spend painting right now in my life. But I have a problem saying no, but it's because my family demonstrated for me service. My parents were both father's club, mother's club, coaching the teams, working the concession stands, whatever it was, always showing that you served others. And they got that from their parents, who were always doing things for other people. My grandpa all the time, it'd be like someone he would just didn't know, but we're gonna go talk to them and help them with whatever, because you know, there is no stranger danger to him, and he would help anybody. But it set up a legacy where now I feel that that is what we should do, we should serve. And so even if your family hasn't had that, you can start to be a legacy builder of service in your family. And I think it will make a big difference, both in this community and in your lives. You think like the worship team, you're seeing this now is you come in here on a Sunday morning, there's usually at least one or two or a handful of children just like being crazy in here because their parents are serving in the worship team. And now what are you seeing? Those are the same kids that are going, Can I sing? Can I get up there? Can I do this? Can I run the slides? Because they see mom and dad or whoever is doing this in my life, and I want to follow suit. And so I think it is important for all of us, but especially our men, to show that you are serving others, this church, your family. And so I think those are some of the steps, men, you get to take to help bring yourself out of the wilderness. But now to two other groups that we are not gonna leave you alone to do this by yourself. And the next group is women. But first, a joke. What did David become after he lost his ID? Dave. What has yes, thank you. Uh you can thank my husband for all of these. So women. What has changed with women? Well, societally, in an effort to raise up women, which there was some need for that, right? Like equality and things, but in an effort to raise up women, we've unfortunately diminished men. Instead of just allowing both groups to have a sense of opportunity and equal rights and these things, we've really tried to squander men in an effort to elevate women. And the thing is, we do need strong women, right? Like I totally get that. And there's lots of struggles that women have overcome. But we can't, again, throw out the baby with the bathwater and squash men in an effort to raise up women. I experienced at a young age that things with women might be different. I was playing sports, and at the time there was like not always the greatest girls' sports. So I spent a lot of time playing on boys' teams, which there were only two awkward moments that I recall. One was I played on a basketball team that would always do scrimmages with shirts and skins. And so I would always promptly see myself to the shirts team. And then the second was a baseball team in which the coach before the first game sat us all down, all right, everybody, you need this, this, this, and uh, make sure, talk to your parents, you're gonna need a cup. And I'm thinking, hmm, a cup? That seems like an impractical drinking solution for a baseball game, but I was gonna bring a water bottle, but perhaps we're gonna have like a community jug or something that we'll use our cups for. And so I got, you know, in the car and said, Hey, uh, coach says I need a cup. And they're like, No, you don't need that. Okay. I'll be the rebel with the water bottle, I guess. But there was one time though where it really hit me that there was still some issues and differences with the way men and women were treated. And it was, I was trying to be on a basketball team, and we got a voicemail uh on the answering machine, you know, back when that was the way you got them. And it was the coach saying, Oh, yeah, you know, Jordan can be on the team, da-da-da. We're excited to have him, him, he can, he, him. You could see my name, right? It's a problem. And so my mom calls him back. Oh, well, you know, very excited. Just want to let you know, Jordan's a girl. Oh, we don't want her then. And I wasn't allowed to be on the team. Now, at the time, I could probably place circles around most of these boys, but that's when it hit me, okay, things are a little different. And so, yes, there is a lot of work that we had to do for women, but again, we need to be really careful that we don't take it too far. And you can see this happening in the generations. We were helping Pastor Ken move in the parsonage, and he had the day where it was like heavy furniture. So I'm like, I'm I'm game. I played sports, I work out, let's do it. And so all morning we're moving stuff. Uh not a single man under the age of 45 is questioning my ability to lift anything. They're like, You got that end? I got that end. Let's go up the stairs with this couch. Here we go. Every man over the age of 45 is like, Are you sure you can get that? Do you need me to get that for you? And in my head, I'm like, Are you kidding me? Do you need help? Do I need help? Do you need help? I'm not saying this out loud because I want to be nice. But I'm thinking, like, really, you're questioning my ability to lift this couch? So I get home and I tell my wise mother, she's like, honey, they're probably just trying to be a gentleman. Oh. I had not considered that. I really just thought they were questioning my ability to lift this entertainment center. And now I see that that was a little different. And I think we have this mindset as women, right, where we're just like, don't you question me. And it's really guys that are just like, I'm just trying to be a gentleman, just trying to help you. You look, you know, just be nice and lift this couch. But generationally, you can see where it's changed. Because those men under 45 knew better. Do not question if Jordan can lift that couch. It will not end well for you. Right? Because we have changed so much. But have we changed for the better completely? And I think women, we have to kind of think about that. Is we want the strong in that, but is it really all of it for the better? And I think a lot of times we end up putting men in these loose-loose situations, like with the couch, where they're going, boy, I want to be a gentleman, but I also don't want to question her ability to lift the couch, so I will just not do anything. Or, you know, I want to open the door or I want to do this nice thing, but like, I don't know, she's gonna think I'm or hey honey, what do you want for dinner? And the wife's like, I don't care. And the guy's like, I know she does. And uh, if I say, I think we should get Indian, and she'll be like, why Indian? But if I say I don't care, then she'll be mad I didn't choose, right? Like we're just putting men in these lose-lose, or like you have a little argument, you get done, you settle it. Honey, are you fine? Oh, I'm fine. I don't think she's fine, but like, right, we're constantly putting men in these lose-lose situations. But the problem is they spill over into spiritual lose-lose situations. Oh, I kind of want to make sure I bring my family to church today, but like I don't want to overstep and I kind of want to pray for before dinner, but I think we should read this scripture, but and so by doing this, we've kind of put men where they're just like frozen because they feel like they're completely in a lose-lose, right? All of them are in a lose-lose right now because they're thinking, I want to nod in agreement, and yet out of the side of my eye, I see my wife, and I think I shouldn't nod in agreement. So we gotta work to allow then not put them in this, speak, you know, exactly what you're thinking, don't just say you're fine. But really work to give them the space to operate and to do the things that they want to do, to be helpful, to lead. And so I think, women, we've really got some things we can do. One is to really try to not put men as we can in these slugs lose, because we again we want them to make those decisions, especially spiritually. We see the impact that it can have in those statistics. And so we need to change our minds, I think, a little bit. It's okay to be strong, it's okay to be independent. Guess what? It's also okay to be cared for, it's also okay to have the door open for you or to offer to lift a couch. And so I think we need to change that and give space men or give men space to do those things, but then celebrate them when they do, right? Honey, I'm so thankful that you da-da-da-da-da. And really try to encourage men that, hey, I I know maybe there's been some los-lose before, but like we're gonna we're gonna operate a little bit differently. And so we can help, because men want to step out of the wilderness, but we just keep shutting the door, like, not right now. And so let's really work to give them space, encourage them to do those things. And then the last group is the church. But again, a joke. What kind of man was Boaz before getting married? Ruthless. All right, if you're not sure of the context of that, read the book of Ruth. Okay. So men are walking in the wilderness in Society, and they're wondering where to turn to for answers. And is the church being good at providing those answers? Unfortunately, we tend to tell men a lot of what they shouldn't be, right? A lot of Father's Day messages tend to be like, men, men, and then mothers is like, oh, we love mothers. But are we telling them who they should be, not always what they shouldn't be? And are we giving them a sense of identity, who they are, who the Bible says they are, who they are in Christ? Because I think men are really, in many cases, looking for that. And I think a silly example is these Cardinals games, where, I mean, the Cardinals are terrible, I hear, and they can't sell out like a single section. But boy, the tarps off is filled with topless dudes. And so if you're some of you are like, what? At the Cardinal game, there's a section called Top Tarps Off, where a bunch of young men get up there and take their shirts off and do this. Pretty much the whole game. As the women are like, Real, like, what? What are we doing? But I think part of it is that they're like, I can be a man, I can take my shirt off, and it's being celebrated, which in culture right now is not very common. The coach loves it, there's t-shirts made for it, and they're like, yes, we're dudes being dudes. But and it's kind of silly sounding, but I think it's because there's this sense of like, where can I be a man and not be bashed for it? And so when we look at statistically, who's kind of leading this charge of looking for answers and guidance, it's actually Gen Z men. The group that is currently growing the most in church attendance is Gen Z men. And I think it's because they're going, give me some answers. Who am I supposed to be? Because society doesn't want to tell me, and I'm looking for someone to tell me. And so when they come to the church, will the church be the place where they can get those answers? Far too many churches tend to cater to women, more women's ministries, groups, opportunities, decor, music, right? And it's not to say that those ministries are bad, but as we saw in the statistics, we need to make sure we're really having opportunities and things geared towards men. Because men's ministry cannot just be women's ministry for men. Right? Women, you can put a bunch of women in a room, not every woman, but most women, in a room with a bunch of strangers, and they will all pour out their deepest, darkest secrets to a complete stranger in about 30 minutes. I hear men don't do that. And so we can't just think like, here's women's ministry, let's just scratch that off, put men's on it, and think that that's how men will grow in church. Because men and women are different. And I think Tim Hawkins, the comedian, uh, if you've not heard of him, he's quite funny, he can uh articulate this a little bit better for us. So let's watch this video.

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You wonder why men don't sing a lot in church. I think I know why, because a lot of times we're data written with females way to stress a lot.

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And um, Brandon Lake, who is a contemporary Christian artist, he's he he stirs up a controversy every now and then because people like to get in their ivory towers and criticize him for everything he does. But he had a conversation in an interview where he said, he's like, I write some of my songs for Bubba. And they're like, Bubba. He's like, I imagine Bubba in the back row of the church. And what is gonna resonate with Bubba? Bubba, who's you know, coming in in his blue-collar dirty work clothes, he's probably gonna go home and have a beer and watch NASCAR. How do these songs relate to Bubba? And what's crazy is it's kind of like okay, but then like Brandon Lake had his Bubba in Jelly Roll. If you don't know much about Jelly Roll, he was a hot mess express. But he's Bubba, and Brandon Like's songs connected to him, and he found Jesus, and that man's at the Grammys shouting Jesus from the mountaintops because Brandon thought of Bubba. And so I think we do have to be mindful of making sure that we are making our ministries our things with men in mind. There's a church in Texas that is currently uh flourishing. They they're like over 30,000 people. They baptized 700 people last month, but they're seeing this humongous growth in men. And this is a picture of their YouTube video podcast that they do. They're not hiding. This is for men. There's a dead animal on the wall, right? And but yet they're getting all of these young Gen Z men who are going to them and growing in that church. And then guess who's coming with them then? Eventually, their families and children and their church is growing. And so we need to make sure that here we're thinking about men in our ministries. And that doesn't mean me making men's ministry opportunities. Men, you should make those. Again, it would be sitting in a room and discussing our feelings. That's not what you want, I don't think, most of the time. And so, as a staff person, one of my pet peeves is when I hear, oh, I wish we had. Start it. I wish we had a men's fishing trip, start it. I wish we had this, start it. And we will help you and get those things going. And finally, to wrap up, one of my favorite jokes. What do they call pastors in Germany? German shepherds. So society has left men walking in the wilderness, but I really think as people of God, we can help them out. Men, we need you ready to take those steps to lead your families to serve. Women, we need to find that balance between strong and independent and yet willing to be cared for and celebrate men. Church, we need to be clear on the importance of reaching men and equipping them to be men of God. Much of it runs counter-cultural, but it does not run counter-biblical. And when we see the clear guidance from the Bible, and then we see the statistics, the importance of good men leading in families, in churches, caring for all these people in here, right? We are one big family. This is not just individual families, this is the entire family of God, and every man has a role to play. When we see the effects, we cannot continue to allow men to walk in the wilderness any longer. And so I hope we can join together and do that. Would you pray with me? Father, you are the ultimate example of the good father in your sacrifice and your service, Lord, and we pray that you would help equip us as people, Lord, to be your people, to raise up families, men, women, this church to do your work and your will, Lord. And help equip us all with the things we need to do. Help us to be willing to take steps that are bold and serving you and plugging in to the things we need to for your actions that you need to see done in the world, Lord, the servants we need to be for you, Lord. And we pray that you would help us to do that. Lord, it's a time in society where it does feel a little like men have been banished to the wilderness, Lord, but we know that we need them out because as you've shown us, their importance here in church is important. And Lord, I pray that you would be with all the families that this day is difficult for. You know, these Mothers and Fathers' Days, they come with all kinds of uh nuance and complexities and issues. And Lord, I just pray that you would be in those hearts, Lord, and help us to remember some important things. One, that we have a family here, no matter what our family situation might be like. Lord, we have a family here, but ultimately we have you and the perfection that we find in you, Lord. That no matter the human fallen brokenness that we experience, Lord, that you are perfect, you love us, and you care for us, and help us to live in that. In the powerful name of Jesus, we pray. Amen.