Desensitization

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:09

Hey everyone, welcome, welcome, welcome. Happy to have you tuning back in if you're here listening in again. If you're here for the first time, so happy you decided to stop by. We try to talk a little bit about everything on this on this podcast channel with the with the intention and the hope and the goal of being the best versions of ourselves when it comes to our mental game, our mental aspect, how we look at the world, how we approach the world. And yeah. So happy to have you tuning in. I wanted to uh spend today talking about desensitization and um I I for those of you who have tuned in before, you know I have horses, you know I do competitive rail racing. And you might remember that my one horse uh really had like some setbacks a few years ago. Anyway, had to take her, had to take her kind of out of the game. I mean, this was a seasoned horse that was competing at a very high level and and doing well at a high level, and you know, we had to just things just kind of fell apart, um, and we had to really just stop, pause, go back to basics, start all over. And as a side note, you know, just as a side note, don't be afraid to do that with with anything in life. If you're if you if the wheels fall off the bus and things fall apart and you don't really understand why or what's going on or how to fix it, don't be scared to just have a back to basics moment and literally just just start over. Like go back to the basics, like you would you were doing the thing from the very get-go, and see where there are holes at in your foundation, or or if there are any holes in your foundation. Go back to to square one and build back up, and you'll you might be surprised what you find. It might be just something basic that in the foundation that that you need to work on, but regardless, you're gonna learn a lot from doing that experience. And I have learned so much about this this animal with that experience. I mean, we like I said, we started all the way over. I didn't know what was going on with her, I didn't know what was happening. I had a horse that went from being an amazing competitor and just really solid to just coming unglued, hitting barrels, not listening, you know, it just it all just fell apart, and I didn't know what was going on, and it was so oh I remember being so overwhelmed by that because man, it's it is tough to be doing really well at something and then have it all fall apart and not understand why or understand what to do to make it better, and that's where I was with this animal. I mean, I remember being I mean, we were we were across the country competing when the you know all this happened and and everything just came apart and unglued and unhinged, and I just remember being in tears because I was just so so frustrated and devastated. It's like I went, it's literally like overnight I went from doing well and things, you know, the puzzle pieces fitting together to everything coming apart, and I had no idea why, or no idea what had happened, no idea how to fix it, and I remember that feeling so vividly, it was it was a terrible feeling, and um, you know, it it's an emotional thing to go through. But luckily, luckily, I got some guidance, I asked for some advice, some opinion, and luckily I trusted the process enough to say, okay, we're gonna stop, we're gonna go back to ground, we're gonna go back to zero, and we're gonna build back up from the start, and we're gonna see what the heck is going on here. And that's what I did with this horse, and I learned so much about her, about me, about us as a team, my riding, you know, my riding abilities, my riding skills, and that's the thing about failure. You always if you allow failure to teach you, it is the best teacher you will ever have. And I I hate the feeling of being, you know, in a slump. I hate the feeling of struggling with something, I hate the feeling of feeling like I'm failing or I can't get it or I'm not doing it good enough. I hate that feeling, but I've learned, especially with the horses, because these animals are they're always full of surprises for us. Um, so especially with them, what I have learned probably, you know, one of the top things I have learned is that as much as the failure hurts in the moment, if you allow it, it's going to teach you something potentially life-changing and and potentially phenomenal. So I know that I know it stings in the moment, but do your best in those moments to to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and remind yourself that okay, this pain and this hurt and this frustration, if I allow it, if I turn towards it, and if I if I try to to learn from it, if I allow it, you're gonna come out on the other side, potentially unrecognizable. That's a little off topic. That's not really what I was gonna chat about on here today, but you know, it is what it is. But what so the point of what I actually wanted to talk about on here today is desensitization because one of the things I discovered about this animal that I'm talking about during this build back period, as I call it, is her anxiety has been through the roof, and it's crazy. I know it sounds crazy, but I never realized that about her because just like people do, animals do animals behave the same way. Like sometimes people who have a lot of anxiety, you really can tell, like they really manifest those symptoms where from the outside looking in you can really tell, but other people very much internalize it, and you know, some people really struggle with anxiety, worry, stress, and they turn it all inward, they turn it all in towards themselves, and from the outside looking in, you don't know how much they are struggling, and animals are the same way too, and this is the way I discovered that this horse was or is like she actually had you know what I unraveled is that she actually had and still has a lot of anxiety and a lot of worry, and she's not very self-confident. And my one of, you know, there's been and there's been many things that we have been targeting in our retraining and our in our in our build back, but this is the one area that I really've gotten to a point now where we've done the work on the other stuff, and now I I feel like this is the priority now, like this is the target area. Like I have got to get her where you know she's more sure of herself and she's more confident in herself and confident in me and braver. Like, I need her to be more brave. And the way I decided to go about accomplishing this is by taking her out on a lot of trail rides. If you if uh anyone out there listening has horses, you kind of know what that means. If some of you out there don't have horses, um, you know, taking them out on trail rides in unfamiliar environments where they might see, you know, deer jump out, or they might see tree limbs that look like scary things to them, you know, just there's they're out there seeing and doing things that they're not used to doing, and that because they're not used to doing them, can be very scary. Sounds are different, sights are different, you know, it's it's just kind of like this whole different world. And if you take a horse that is only used to riding in arenas and riding around the farm, and they've never been exposed to that, then when you take them out there and you put them in a new place in a new environment with sights and sounds that they haven't seen or heard before, like all of a sudden they are very prone to to their fight or flight response kicking in and that animal brain kicking in where you know the survival, the prehistoric survival instincts kick in where they see something that they don't recognize and they get scared and they want to like run away from it. And so, in my opinion, it's a great way to basically teach a horse to have more self-confidence and also teach a horse to regulate their emotions. Like, just like we have to, just like we talk on this podcast all the time about us as humans needing to regulate our emotions. I need to teach these animals to do the same thing. You will you're never gonna train, you're never gonna out train or train out of an animal primal animal instinct. And like that goes for humans too. I mean, you're never going to train away that deeply embedded, deeply rooted, primal animal instinct. But what you can do is teach, just like we can do for ourselves as humans, you can do that for the animals too. Teach them, okay. I know you're still gonna want to jump at this scary thing that you saw, and I understand that, but I need you to learn to quickly regulate your emotions. So, what I'm saying to her is, yeah, if you get spooked on the trail, sorry, it's a little I'm in the car and it's a little bumpy. What I'm saying to her is if you get spooked on the trail and you wanna and you have a little second where you you want to jump or you want to run away, that's okay, but I need you to learn to emotionally regulate, and I need to learn, I need you to learn to turn animal instinct emotion off and turn the critically thinking part of your brain on and engage that. And once you engage the critically thinking part of your brain, like all of a sudden you're gonna realize that you that you are safe, there's nothing scary coming to get you, and you don't need to run away and go crazy. So the trail environment helps with all of this, and the more and the the more trails you can get on, the better, because the more unfamiliar environments you can get in is the better. And I've been really focusing on that with her, and we've been going out. I mean, any any free afternoon I have, any free day I have, even if I can only even if I can only get her somewhere for 15 minutes, my goal is get her somewhere that she thinks is scary, get her somewhere that she's uncomfortable, and and desensitize her to that. Desensitize her to the feeling of being uncomfortable and by default also teaching her to regulate her emotions and regulate her anxiety and use the part of her brain that she is able to actually critically think with instead of just being in reactionary animal instinct fight or flight mode. And that's what I wanted to highlight talking about this today because I think I have mentioned it on here before. Um I actually, you know, on top of some of you know, on top of the other just regular anxiety stuff I struggle with and things like that, I used I used to slash still kind of do have a really, really bad flying phobia. And you know, most flying phobias are because are because uh what you're actually scared of is is the lack of control, um, which I know for me is what it stems for. I don't like not being in control, and uh so I have a lot of anxiety when I'm lying in an airplane, so I actually did see a psychologist about this, and this was years ago, but I I did go see a psychologist about this to see if they could help me figure out how to get over this, and that's actually when it's actually when I got introduced to mindfulness for the first time, and that's what kind of bolted me on this whole mentally well-being journey and and all the stuff that has come with it. But when I'm saying that is part of what we did, or you know, part of what I did working with the psychologist, in addition to cognitive behavioral training exercises and things like that, is she actually um she actually got me plugged in with a nearby bottom because we're not too terribly far from an airport here, and she actually got me plugged in with a nearby uh flight school, and I actually went up in a small, like when I say small, I mean one of those like very, very small airplanes, like the ones that like our little two-seaters. I actually went up in that in the airplane with these flight instructors multiple times, and we would I would go like I'd have the appointment for a Friday or something, and I would go and we would literally just go up and down, like we would take off, we would fly in a circle, we would land, then we would take back off, fly in a circle, and we would land. And the point of that exercise was exactly what I'm trying to do with my horse by taking her out on these trails that she thinks are so scary. I'm trying to desensitize her. Because the brain, as we've talked about on here before, the brain wants to be comfortable. It likes to be in a familiar setting. And even if that familiar setting's not that safe, and like that's the other thing to highlight on here, and this is you know, people there's there's people out there that tend to, you know, okay, let me how do I say this? I'm sure we've all had these friends in our life where you know they it's like they tend to date the same person over and over again, right? Like they they might be in a relationship with someone that isn't really that good for them or not really doing the greatest things for them, and they they finally get tired of it and they break up with that person, but then they find themselves right back in a same a similar relationship with a similar type of person. And I mean that's just one example, but people my point is people tend to still want to stay with what is familiar to them, even if what is familiar to them is not really even that good. It's not about whether it is good or bad, it's about the fact that the brain recognizes it as something familiar. The brain's I mean it has many jobs, but as we've talked about on here before, one of its primal, most like prehistoric, you know, functions is to keep us alive. And end all be all, that's really its most important function as it perceives itself. So when it feels like we are in a situation that is not familiar, the brain kind of starts to freak out because it's somewhere that it hasn't been, it's seeing something that it's never seen before, and it doesn't know how to archive, it doesn't have an archive to pull files from to be able to tell it how to react or whether you know how to direct it or whether it's safe, unsafe. And because it doesn't have that familiarity to it, it becomes very uncomfortable. And the brain does not like to be in unfamiliar and uncomfortable territory, and that's why pushing outside of our comfort limits. Like I said, even if where you are is not really a great place in life, like even if where you are is not really that good, and you know you know it's not that good, and you know you want to get out of it, and you know you want to change something, because it is familiar, because it is comfortable to the mind, for you to move out of the comfortable situation into something that feels less familiar and therefore less comfortable, it takes a lot of willpower because you are fighting against every primal animal instinct that your brain has. And that's why making changes in life is so hard. And that's why it's like real changes to our lives, real changes ourselves, we'll change our habits. It's just near impossible of all the stuff that I'm talking about. You are fighting against very primal, very real animal instincts. So desensitization when it comes to things like phobia, when it comes to things that we're fearful of, when it comes to things that makes us that make us anxious or worried or stressed, desensitization is a very, very healthy and real tool to try to help your brain realize that you know it doesn't have to have those those upsetting emotions whenever you do that said thing, because all of a sudden now, because you've desensitized yourself to that thing, now your brain all of a sudden starts to think, Well, wait, I've done this multiple times now, and now this feels kind of familiar, and now this feels like something I recognize, and I feel like I have you know files files in my filing cabinet to pull from to be able to understand. Experience and know how to act in it and know how to manage it, and now all of a sudden the brain starts to get much happier and more much more relaxed, and all of a sudden, now you are able to first of all, hopefully, just be less worried and less anxious and less fearful off the bat, but then secondly, you've also freed up some mental energy now that hopefully you can emotionally regulate better. So even when you do feel those little those little tinges of of bad emotions creeping in, you can now you can now regulate them a lot easier. And you can bring, you know, you can put the block on that primal animal instinct of of wanting to just react and have all these emotions, and instead, like you can turn on that that critical thinking, logical part of your brain, and and be like, okay, like let me think this through. This isn't that bad, we're fine, and calm yourself down. So just like I'm doing with the horse, you know, by taking her out, putting her in these environments that she feels uncomfortable in, and and and you know, let forcing ourselves to deal with it, I'm desensitizing her to those situations that she's uncomfortable in, which is going to hopefully just automatically make her more comfortable in those situations because now they're not so unfamiliar, not so scary. And then two free up her to learn to manage her emotions a little better, emotionally regulate a little better. So, you know, if something does pop out and scare her, she might jump, she might get a little startled, but she's not gonna have a full-on mental, you know, mental breakdown. Like she's not gonna come unhinged because she's going to be able to regulate those emotions a lot better. And then third, the third thing that happens when you put all that together is you build your confidence. Like, because now all of a sudden, because you're a little less on edge, and because you realize that if something does pop out and scare you, I hey, I I have the capability to to regulate my emotions and deal with this in a healthy way. Now, all of a sudden, your confidence starts to to change. Like the way you the assurance that you have in yourself that you can handle a situation, even if it's one that feels a little uncomfortable. Now, all of a sudden, you have more confidence in yourself that you're gonna be able to deal with it. And so every by default, everything, everything in life starts to get a little less scary, and everything starts to feel easier. Now I know this, I know not everybody listening has horses. This podcast is never supposed to be about training horses. This podcast is about using examples from potentially the horses, if not other things, to talk through ways to better our lives. And I want you to think about this in your own life. If there's something that is hard for you to do, if there's something that you are struggling to get done, if there's something you're scared to do, anxious, you're worried, you're stressed, if if there's a change you know you want to make, but you just feel like you're in quicksand because it just seemed so so hard and so scary, I want you to really think about this example because there's probably a way to figure out how to start desensitizing yourself to whatever the thing is. There's probably a way to start putting some pressure on yourself in a controlled fashion until it starts to have a therapeutic effect, and until it starts to to change the way you think, to change the way you can emotionally regulate through these difficult things or these problems. You know, the and the amazing thing is, isn't that all of a sudden things start feeling easier? Like if you if you have everything is perspective in life, right? And think back to potentially an example you have from your own life. When you do something hard, then all of a sudden like if you if you're if you're trying to to do something, and then you level up and you you do something harder than that thing, now all of a sudden the thing you were originally trying to do seems like a walk in the park. And that's all because of perspective, that's all because of you know, training our minds, working on getting them stronger. Like the brain is just amazing like that. Like, if you're trying to accomplish something and you go out and you do something that you perceive is harder than that said thing, all of a sudden now coming back is easy. So there's a little bit of that entwined in this too. You know, going out on these trails, facing these scary things out there. Guess what? Next time we go to a barrel race, next time we go to an arena, now all of a sudden that's a familiar setting for my horse. Like that's somewhere she actually feels comfortable because she's been there before, she's done it multiple times. So now it's like, man, that's a walk, now that's a walk in the park. That's that's a breeze. Like I've been taking her out on these, all these trail rides that she thinks is so scary and unfamiliar. Next time we go to a barrel race, she's gonna be as relaxed as she could possibly be because it's like, hey, we're we're in familiar familiar territory now. So again, think about how any of that could apply to your own life. If you're if you're trying to, if you're struggling with something, if you're trying to accomplish something, if you're trying to get over fear, worry, anxiety, stress, you know, if those things are weighing you down, if you know you want to make a change in your life and you just are having a really hard time making any progress, think about this example and see how you could potentially apply methods like desensitization, you know, methods like challenging yourself to do it much harder and then come back down a notch and realize that like now is easy. Like challenge yourself to figure out if there's a way you can apply that same system to whatever it is you're struggling with in life, so that you get desensitized to whatever is causing you anxiety and stress, so you get better at emotionally regulating when that thing causes you a little anxiety and stress, and then therefore you build your confidence because now you know, you know, and you're sure of yourself because you know you can do it, and you know you can emotionally regulate when you need to. And now all of a sudden, now everything gets easier and everything gets less scary. I hope you got some takeaway from that. Um, I hope that it's applicable somehow to to what you guys what you guys are doing out there, what you're going through, and um, you know, just think about that. Uh think about that next time, and uh we'll talk again soon. And thanks for tuning in and hope you come back soon. Alright, thanks guys, bye.