Regret, or just the Unknown?

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Hey friends, welcome back to the podcast. Welcome to the podcast. If it is your first time here, thanks so much for joining in. Uh I hope everyone is having a great day, a great week. And yeah, so happy to to have you here. So I what I wanted to chat about today was um so if you so if you have tuned in on here before, you know that I have horses, you know that I train them and I compete on them, and it was kind of always a dream of mine to have a farm of my own and land of my own, and um that didn't really work out for us. So now, you know, I l I live in my house and ha and I board my horses just a few minutes down the road, and that and that situation is great. Um, but you know, sometimes I just sometimes I still just think back to potentially what would have been different if I had done a few things different. And let me let me explain that a little bit more because this is what I want to chat about on here tonight. It's what I want to kind of challenge us all to think about on here tonight is what what decisions we have made in the past versus how we view those decisions now in the present, versus how that impacts us in the future. So I have always wanted a farm, I've always wanted land of my own, I wanted to have horses, you know, my horses on my own land, I wanted to have enough enough space to do kind of an equine-assisted rehab thing. Again, if you've if you follow this channel, you've you've probably heard all this in the past, but in a nutshell, long story short, I it's always been a lifelong dream for me to to have my own farm, to have my own acreage, to have horses on and to do the horse thing on. And it's curious to me because you know, I I loved horses as a child. Always did. I always knew that that's what I wanted someday in my life, you know, to have a horse farm of my own. But it's curious to me that for a little while I lost sight of that. And when I say I lost sight of it, I don't mean I ever lost the desire for it. I just was having a different phase of life. So, you know, I I to had horse I was fortunate enough to have my parents send me to horseback riding lessons when I was younger, so I rode a little bit when I was younger, and then um when I was in college, I actually purchased a horse that I rode when I was in college. That horse unfortunately passed away, you know, prematurely um and unexpectedly. So when that happened, I didn't buy another horse right away. And part of that was just because, you know, you're grieving, obviously, the the thing that you've lost. And then the other part of that was I was about to graduate college. I knew I was gonna be starting my new my new role in my new career, in my new profession. I knew I wanted to go and get my master's degree eventually, you know, after being in in the workforce a couple of years, I knew that that was my plan. So it just felt like it felt like a time of my life where maybe I should focus on my profession and my career and and you know, finding a way to have financial stability and all the stuff that comes with it. So I was very focused on on that, you know, learning my craft, learning my trade, going to get my going to grad school, getting my master's, all of that stuff. And so I just felt like, you know what, it's not really the right time to be buying another horse and getting really serious seriously into that. I did in that time frame, I did lease a couple horses. So it's not like I never it's not like I didn't have anything to do with horses at all during that time frame. You know, I leased a few horses here and there, I rode occasionally, like it was still and I guess that's the point I'm trying to make. It wasn't it was something I still always wanted, but for a little while in my in that phase of my life, it kind of got put to the back burner and it was kind of put aside. And during that time, I lived in when after I gradu graduated college, I lived in a very, very, very affordable apartment, especially by today's standards. I mean, we're talking this was 20 years ago, so uh especially by today's standards, it was super affordable. And I was there for a couple of years, and I just I wanted a house so bad. I like I wanted to own a piece of property so bad, and I felt like you know, renting was throwing money down the toilet. I felt like I needed to invest, I felt like I needed to like own something that was mine for the investment for the future, all of that stuff, and I ended up you know, after being in the very, very, very cheap rental town home for a couple of years, I ended up buying a home that ended up, you know, needing it it was a kind of a fixer-upper to be honest, so it needed a lot of money put into it to to fix it up and to renovate it and to remodel it and and XYZ. All that being said, uh, you know, I loved that house, and I was in it um for 10 year for almost 10 years before I left it, so it was a huge part of my life. But looking back on it, because now now I do own horses again, now I am riding again, I am competing again, that phase of my life is back in kind of center focus, if you will. And I look back on my younger self, and I'm just like, why did you do that? Like, why did you make that decision? Like, you you should have stayed in the in the cheap apartment or townhome, whatever you want to call it. You should have stayed in the cheap rental, you should have been banking a lot of money, you should have never bought that that starter house when you did, and look at how much money you would have in the bank right now, and look at how much money you would have in savings right now, and guess what? Like, if you did you had done that, you would be able to afford buying the land that you want, buying the farm that you want, and and fulfilling that dream that you know you've had since you were a child. And I look back on that decision, that decision to leave that very comfortable rent situation and financially full force into that the house situation, and I just look back on it and I think to myself, man, I wish someone would have told me. I wish someone would have said to me, Hey, stop, like if you just stay in this apartment longer and you can bank a lot of money, you can put a lot of money in savings, you can have that that dream house that you want, like that dream, that dream farm, that dream piece of land that you want. And when I say I wish someone would have told me, uh, they they did people did tell me. My my boyfriend at the time, who is now my husband, did tell me exactly that. He said, Why would you want to leave this very, very comfortable, you know, rent situation where you're paying very, very inexpensive rent, and you, you know, with your salary and this rent, you should be banking all this money and you can be saving all this money, and you could have a dream home, you know, in a few years if you just be patient and you just wait and this that and the other. So somebody did try to tell me, and although although I knew I knew what he was saying was valid, I just didn't want to listen because what I wanted in that moment was to own a house. I wanted in that moment to own a piece of property, and I wanted and in my head, in my head, I always thought there would be time, right? And this is something that I I'm kind of in a phase of my life where I'm learning or I've I've become I'm coming to realize that we don't have the you know, when we are younger, we think we have all this time, and I'm at a phase of my life now where I know we we actually don't have that much time. Like back then, I thought I could do it all, right? Like I thought back then I thought, well, no, this is gonna be my starter house. I'm gonna own this house, I'm gonna fix it up, I'm gonna live in this for a handful of years, and then I'm I'm gonna be, you know, in a financial situation, I can move home from this and I can buy that dream farm that I've always dreamed about. And that's what I thought at the time, even though people were were telling me, hey, just you know, stay, stay in the cheap rental and save your money and and put and then bank it all up and put it towards this this dream that you have. People were telling me, and I wasn't listening. And in my head, at that moment, again, this is this is myself, you know, probably this is 16. I I don't know. I'd have to I'd have to do the math. 15 years ago or so, you know, at that moment, 15 years ago, me just didn't I just thought I knew what I needed to do. And I I was confident that like no, I can I can buy this starter house, I can live here, I can enjoy this life for a few years, and I will be financially able to, you know, a handful of years down the road, buy that farm, buy that big piece of property, buy that land, like I'll be, you know, financially able to do that and and live out that that farm dream that I've had since I was younger. And that's really what I thought in my head. And that again, now current version of me, I understand, you know what, life is really not that long, and you really don't have you really just don't have the ability to live but so many lifetimes in a lifetime. Like you only have the ability to live s a certain number of versions of your life in a lifetime, and I really wish and hear me out because this this conversation is gonna twist and turn a little bit because I want us to think about this. Because looking back now, where I am now, there's a part of me that looks back and says, Man, why why did I do that? Why did I make that decision? There's a part of me that really looks back and regrets that decision that I made, and it's it's curious to me because like I said, I I had people in my life telling me, you know, telling me like, hey, uh, you might you might just want to think about this, like you know, you might just want to stay where you are, and I know you don't really like it, but maybe you want to just stay where you are and and put some more money in the bank and set yourself up to be better off in the future, and this, that, and the other. And I just thought at the time I was so sure, I was so confident, and I was so sure that what I was doing was the right thing for my life and the right thing for what I wanted. Like I I felt so confident and so sure that I I needed to buy this house, I needed to own this property, I needed to live that phase of my life, I needed to do this thing, and and it's never that there was any part of me that said, no, I don't care about having having the big land and the big farm one day. There was no part of me that ever said that. It was just I really thought I could do it all. I really thought I could have it all. And it's curious and interesting to me because I felt so confident of that in that moment, and now here I am looking back in hindsight and thinking, man, why why did you do that? Like, why did you make that decision? And it makes me wonder what I'm doing right now in this current moment, like right here in this in this present moment. What am I doing now that I feel so sure about and so confident about and and so set on and so determined on and so defiant that I know exactly what I need to do and want to do? What am I doing right now that potentially 10 years from now myself is gonna look back and be like, why did you do that? Like, why did you make that decision? Like, what were you thinking? And is it is am I doing something now that I'm going to regret in the future? Or am I not doing something now that I'm going to regret in the future? And this is something I ask myself every single day, and I and I talk to myself about this every single day. And look, the fear of regret is not a reason to do or to not do anything. I'm a firm believer in that. The the fear of regret, the fear of it, is not a reason to do something or not do something. But it is but I am a believer in analyzing your decisions and trying to put put yourself in your shoes 10 years down the road, 15 years down the road. Try to put yourself in that place and have that perspective and ask yourself like, hey, is this something is this a dis am I making a decision right now that 10 years down the road, 15 years down the road, 20 years down the road, myself at that time frame might look back and say, Why did you do this? And like, hey, you should have done something better. I think that that's a healthy that's a healthy mindset for us all to live in. Additionally, on the flip side of this, hindsight is 2020. And so all this stuff I'm talking about, you know, about the fact that like, oh, I should have I should have lived in my cheap apartment longer, I should have not ever owned my first house, I should have saved up all this money, and then I could have bought bought the farm and the land and and all this, that and the other hindsight is 2020. And you never know it's important for us to remember, you don't know the other version of your life. You don't know what the other path looked like, looks you know, you don't know any of that if you never took it. So it's very easy to look back on yourself, to look back on your life and and pick apart the things that you wish you would have done different. And and there's value in that because we learn, right? We learn from oh, what would I have done different in this situation? That's a learning experience, so there's value in that. But I'm here to challenge us not to forget that you don't know the alternative because you never lived it. So it's really easy to sit back there and say, Oh, if I if I would have done this, that, and the other, my life would have been here, there, and the other, and how much better would that have been? That's really easy to do, but you never lived that other other version of your life, so you don't really know for sure how you would have felt if you took that different path. And talking about this example specifically, okay, let's say I stayed in my cheap rental for I don't know, let's say five more years, right? Never bought my first house, saved stayed there for five more years, saved up enough money, I bought a piece of land somewhere. Okay, like let's say that's what I lived out. I don't know. I don't know how I if I were sitting here, if that was the version of my life that I took and I'm sitting here right now talking to you, I don't know how I would look back on that experience. Like maybe I would look back on that experience and say, Man, it really stinks that I spent five years in that cheap apartment that I really didn't enjoy living in, and I wasted that five years of my life. Like, you know, maybe I gained a lot of life lessons and experiences out of owning that first house that I never would have had, I never would have even known I missed out on, and you know, never would have grown from or evolved from. Maybe I would have bought a land and a farm much earlier in my life, and before I kind of realized what I know now, like I what I know now about horses and farms and and boarding horses and training horses is much more profound than what it was 15 years ago. So I might have gotten myself into a situation I didn't even want to be in because I might have bought a piece of property and signed up for a lifestyle I you know I don't even want now because you know I kind of understand more about the industry and understand more about what it means to have a lot of horses and animals and this, that, and the other. So my point is you don't know what the alternative is. It's very easy to play Monday morning quarterback, it's very easy to look back on your life and and pick out all the decisions that you made that with the knowledge you have now you might have made differently. And again, it's a good learning. Um, it's a good it's a good learning experience, it's a good um practice to to go back and analyze what we do and see what we could do better. But be be fair to yourself because when you're making decisions in real time, you don't have the crystal ball, you don't know what the future is gonna be like, and you're making the best decisions in that moment, in that time, and you don't ever know what the path would have if there's another if there's if you're looking back on your life and you're saying, I should have taken the other path, that's that's fine, just you know, to think through and and to talk through with yourself, but you never know, you never honestly know what the other path would look like. You know, if if you followed it through, if you lived it, if you lived it for five years, ten years, fifteen years, you don't ever actually know what that other path would have looked like, and you could potentially be on that other path looking back and and have regrets for not taking the different path. So give yourself a little bit of grace when you're reflecting on your life, learn from your choices. I certainly have learned a lot from reflecting on my choices. Like I'm talking about, all this stuff is very real to me, it's very raw to me, it's stuff I think about every day every day. Um and I think about it, I learn from it, I try to learn from it. But I also understand that the life I have, you know, is it's because of the choices that I've made. So I can look back and and look back on my life and think, oh, I should have done this, that, and this different. But there's also a part of me that appreciates that, hey, you know what, those decisions, good or bad, or in between, they have led me to where I am now. So, you know, I can't I can't look back and and nor should you. Don't look back and and just don't look back and ridicule yourself for the things that you've done or the decisions you've made or the things you've not done, you know, and the things you've decided not to do, because they have shaped where you are now. And there is a a value in that and there's an importance in that. So anyway, I think I've been all over the place with this pot with this podcast talk, but that's what happens sometimes. My brain gets going and it kind of goes all over the place. But I hope that you find have found something that you might can pull from this, something that might be valuable to you, something that you can apply to your own life. And I really hope you tune back again. Tune back in again soon, and uh yeah, that's it. Thanks for thanks for stopping by, and I hope everyone has a great rest of your of your day, a great rest of your week, and we will talk again soon. Bye.