Base Buddies

MILITARY LIFE HAS NO GUIDEBOOK | Maddys Story

• Ley Wright • Season 1 • Episode 11

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In this episode of Base Buddies, we’re joined by Maddy from Details In Hindsight to talk about her journey as a young military spouse and podcaster navigating the early stages of military life.

Maddy shares how she started her podcast, the experiences that inspired her to create Details In Hindsight, and what it’s been like stepping into the military spouse community while building her own platform.

We also dive into the realities of making friends, finding your identity, and figuring things out as you go in a lifestyle that is constantly changing.

If you’ve ever wondered what the early stages of military life really look like, this conversation is for you.

Connect with Maddy / Details In Hindsight:
https://linktr.ee/detailsinhindsight

SPEAKER_00

I'd rather go to jazz clubs and just sit and like drink my little espresso martini than go to a sweaty club that stinks. That stinks! It's dark. I'm scared. Welcome everybody to another episode of Face Buddies. I'm your host, Lei. If you're new to this podcast, this podcast is geared toward military spouses, girlfriends, veterans, alike. We share stories from military spouses and their experiences and just essentially connecting every one of us via shared commonality. Today is a very special episode. All of my episodes are quite special. I have Miss Maddie here. She is a new spouse, and she's also the host of Details, the podcast, another military spouse episode. This is our first collab together. Super, super fun. I've never done one of these before.

SPEAKER_01

Video that is exciting.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. For the people who don't know who you are yet, Maddie, who are you?

SPEAKER_01

Hi, I'm Maddie Brown. I'm the host of Details at Hindsight, the podcast in another world. So that's that's crazy to say out loud. Sometimes I I host the podcast.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, no, I I literally feel the same way whenever people ask me, what do you do? I say, Well, what do you want me to say? My nine to five podcast or fashion or nine to five? Which do you want to literally? Which one do you want me to say? So, Miss Maddie. So who were you before this military life? And who are you now? Tell me all about yourself.

SPEAKER_01

Oh my goodness. Um three years ago, Maddie and now Maddie are completely different, I will say. There's a lot of growth that happens when you become a military spouse for sure. But pre-military Maddie was just this fun little kid hanging out with her future husband, and we were just kids, and we were great. And we are great. We were great talking as if he's dead, he's not. So that's not funny.

SPEAKER_02

That's not funny.

SPEAKER_00

Straight off the bat. Okay, I'm sweating. I don't know what's going on. I'm sweating.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, are you excited? So I'm yeah, no, I'm good. I swear. Pre-military baddie.

SPEAKER_00

She's she uh I thought you said, oh my god, I literally thought that you said pre-military baddie. I was like, Parents.

SPEAKER_01

All right, that works too. We'll go with that. That's exactly what I said. Of course, we can just insert that. Baddie. Yeah, I it's so crazy because it feels like it was 10 years ago and it was only three, which is time flies in that as well. It's insane. But yeah, Austin and I were, I mean, we were together for a year and a half before he joined the military, and it was just great because we met through church and small group and just growing up together, really from 22 to 27 in July. It's I don't know, our 20s are just a bit of adventure, which we're really happy about, excited. It's a lot of long distance, which is hard, but I think it has just challenged us to grow in our faith to trust each other, which has been amazing. And uh yeah, just shall I threw it through, but just happy.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, that's beautiful. So so take me back, how long have you been a military spouse?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, Austin's in the Air Force. He joined three years ago, he enlisted three years ago, which is crazy. He went to BMT February 6th, literally three years ago tomorrow, which is insane. And then yeah, he's just been thriving under ever since. I don't know when he told me he wanted to join the military. I was oh that's a that's a jump. That's uh that's a decision, and it really was a lot of there were a lot of fights prior to him joining, but in a good way, every time we talked about it, I was like, ah, it just clicks though. Every time I thought about it, I was like, wait, though, that he would really thrive under really good structure, and he really wants to pursue this, and I feel he'll be a great leader. He ended up graduating BMT as uh dorm chief, which is wild. Wow, yeah, and then I didn't even expect that, and then he had autograd on top of it, so he just is thriving under the structure, which I'm really grateful for, to the point where he applied to commission last year, yeah. Sorry, time is warped to the second year. No worries, yeah. He commissioned to be an officer this year, but he applied last December, and we were like, you know what, this would be great practice. We weren't thinking anything of it because we were told it could take up to five tries, it's gonna be a bit before he becomes an officer. And Austin's leave, Christmas leave got tonight. So he's like, Well, why don't I just I'm stuck here? Why don't I just apply, see what happens? And I was like, sure, like if you feel confident yourself, and he did everything from the interviews and the packet they have to submit, it's insane. Yeah, and he was one of two that was selected here, and we were just shocked. That's wow. So yeah, and so he got shipped off to OTS, which is the officer trading school in Baxwell, Alabama. He was there for two months, and then now he's in Biloxi, which is Mississippi, and he's there until I don't know when, but oh wow, so he's currently over there, yeah. So I'm here in Georgia and he's in Biloxi.

SPEAKER_00

So where is Biloxi?

SPEAKER_01

That's Mississippi. Oh, yeah, right on the Gulf of Mexico. I wouldn't have known either. I yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Oh wow. So what surprised you the most about military life since you come from since you guys started dating before the military, you guys were together for a year and a half before then, and then you guys got into this life together. What surprised you the most?

SPEAKER_01

There were there were a lot of things. I don't tearing it down. Probably the medical care was a shock at first, because I know tri-care covers everything, but just the added stress that's on it, added because of it that I was not expecting, that was a shock to me. I don't know why, because I was just so used to, oh, I have my normal insurance, I have a deductible, and I hit my deductible, all is good, I don't care. But now Tricare is like, yeah, but if you want to go off base, you gotta get a referral, and then you gotta play the referral game, and then that was insane. So I learned so much within my first two years because it was just me and the medical world just fighting all the time for medical reasons. And uh, yes, that was probably one of my biggest surprises. Like, oh, that's odd. I've been very lucky along the way, so just very blessed and very grateful. So I tried my best to understand, like, yeah, it's not the case for a lot of people, and really try my best to keep it in boundaries, I guess, before I go, yeah, well, this happened and this happened, and I really try to keep it in perspective that everybody's story is so different in the military world. So probably the medical field would be the weird.

SPEAKER_00

So would you so would you say that that's something that you weren't prepared for, which you thought that you were when you first got into this life? I don't know about prepared. I don't think I felt prepared for any of it.

SPEAKER_01

I think it was just me googling, hey, how does this work? Hey, where do I go to get my ID? Because Austin joined and I had a surgery two months after he joined. So I had to do all the ID stuff by myself. I had to do everything solo, which is crazy. And from someone that knew absolutely nothing to now, it's drastically different. But yeah, yeah, I just I was that whole time there's gotta be a better way to figure this out. The military is so hard to get people to talk. Vague. That was that'd probably be the second thing, would be no one really likes to talk about it, and no one wants to talk about their experiences, and when they talk about their experience, it actually probably helps another spouse out. So I guess how closed off spouses are would probably be the second, I would say, on the surprise level. But when you find a good one that is willing to share, it's gold.

SPEAKER_00

Like I'm telling you, yeah, it's a diamond that doesn't that's why that's why I feel that's why I created this podcast because there's so many people out there. We are such a lonely community. Military spouses are is such a lonely community, but it's one of the biggest out there. And if we if I could just share any anybody's experience as a military spouse, maybe somebody else can relate and not feel so alone. That's the purpose of Bass Buddies, and that is the purpose of why I talk to so many military spouses because we're such a lonely community, and we kind of just need to we need to stop with this narrative.

SPEAKER_01

I agree. I don't know why we're so mean to each other either. That's another thing that's kind of wild to me.

SPEAKER_00

We could change the culture for real.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, so I saw your podcast, I saw I started mine, and then I was like, you know what? This is we need more to change the narrative because I know we could do a lot better than this.

SPEAKER_00

Exactly, exactly. So tell me about your podcast details in hindsight. Tell me the idea behind it and why'd you come up with it?

SPEAKER_01

The podcast has been on my heart for a while. That was something when I was talking about earlier where I was going through all that transition and into the lifestyle and PCSing and like all this stuff. Maybe you go on a TikTok and it's okay, well, so and cheated on so-and-so, and there weren't people on there quite yet going over, well, this is how I PCS. Come a day of life with me, while PCSing. There are a few of those at the time when I was going through it, but it wasn't as flooded as it is now, and I'm grateful for that because I feel like so many spouses that are brand new, I have no idea. So then it kind of gave me, oh, what if I just made a little older sister's guidebook of hey, if I were to start all over again, this is what I would do, not word for word, but just keep these things in mind and have that older sister talk as well. Because no one, I mean, I had a few people that talk to me about marrying Austin before he joined, but no one knew that world enough to fully advocate, hey, this is exactly what you're gonna go through. Right because no one really knows in general, but unless you are a spouse, so I was like, you know what? Maybe it's just I share my piece, share some stories. I want a friends I'll be coming on too, which I'm really excited about. Our stories are so good too, so I'm really excited. But yeah, so that's what I was saying. It's just the more that's shared, the less the low we will feel. And that my goal was to for all the newbies, because there's just a lot, right? I'm surprised with how many are there, just to have a little something to guide them a little bit along the way. I know I'm not perfect at it, but it's it's better than nothing.

SPEAKER_00

So no, I love it. I love your podcast. I've seen so many clips on TikTok, and I think that you give such good advice, especially from somebody who has essentially have dealt with it with nobody to help you, right? I mean, I had nobody to help me either. I kind of had to figure it out by myself. But if I had a podcast like yours to listen to, I think my life would have been a little bit easier.

SPEAKER_01

Even if it's just a small, hey, this is a website that might help you, that would have helped me a ton. I had to figure out news all of my own. Oh, yeah. Like TriCare, like how's that website work? I don't know.

SPEAKER_00

I still can't literally, literally, Chat GPT wasn't even around back then. No, it was not.

SPEAKER_01

You kind of just had to think about it. One of the last relics, I feel like, is it was literally like the next year. I think Chat GPT kind of was pop it off. I was like, this is so unfair. Literally, I get it.

SPEAKER_00

So why did you name it Details in Hindsight?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, actually, uh that was a name I was really praying on for a while because names are like the hardest part to come up with, I'm sure as I'm sure you know, because this just is gonna be like, this is it, this is it can't change, this is permanent. And every time I've been talking to somebody about my military experience, it's like, well, in hindsight, da da da da. I kept saying the word hindsight, and my best friend just got married, and my next my other best friend's getting married soon, but a lot of marriages and weddings were happening around at the same time. It was like, love is in the details, and it just like clicked. I was like, the details in hindsight. Um, so that's where it originated, and I I have been praying on that name for a year. Really? It's like that whole fear of like jumping because like I had it all ready to go for like four months, and then it was just like okay, I guess I'll post. Oh my god. Yeah, the fear of posting is insane.

SPEAKER_00

No, seriously. What was your oh my god, this is happening now after you filmed your first podcast, your first episode, and then you posted it after launching.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, that first episode is kind of wild because I I do this thing where I intentionally try not to think about things until it's over, or I don't want to dwell on things that I don't want to get attached or addicted to numbers or anything. When I post, so stupid, but I do it. Uh so I actually work two jobs outside of the podcast, and on Tuesdays, it's my double days. So I set everything scheduled to post on its own and I just leave it, I don't touch it, and I just let the algorithm do its thing. And if it reaches one person, then I did my job. And yeah, if it's got one view, great. Okay, then I reached that one person. Yeah. Some have done better than one, which is great. Um, but yeah, I really my goal for this podcast is just to continue to post positivity or just guidelines to help and stories. And I mean, this is gonna be a it's a just uh its own journey in itself. I'm just letting it take its course and grateful for it because it's allowed me to advocate better for myself as well, which is great. But yeah, that first post that's terrifying.

SPEAKER_02

I agree. It's your heart, it's your soul, it's all on a platter. You're like, here you go.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, do yeah, do with it what you will. Please don't stab me. No, girl, I feel you 1000%. When I first started out, or I mean, I'm still starting out. I mean, my podcast is only about three months old, three, four months old. You're doing great, dude. Thank you. I'm trying, I really am.

SPEAKER_01

You can tell like your the details are just there. You can see it.

SPEAKER_00

Thank you. I appreciate you so much. And I know I I also got attached to numbers, and the first couple of times, I mean, till this day, you know, the first couple of times I was like, fuck, I'm failing. Then honestly, podcasts takes they take a long time, a very long time, six months to even a year for them to gain traction when it comes to people recognizing oh, okay, yeah. The biggest podcast call call me daddy. You know, call me daddy has been in the game for five years. They've been in the game for five years, and they just recently, I would say maybe like a year or two ago, just started to get big, you know? Wow, yeah. So, I mean, it's it's a long game, and don't even worry about numbers. I'm not worried about numbers.

SPEAKER_01

I can look at them right now, but I try my best. I mean, I'll see it just so I can know where I'm at, but like I don't want to like dwell on it. Like, it's hard. I mean, there'll be moments where I'm like definitely weaker. I need to do better, I need to do this, I need my perfectionist side of me. Is we could do better on everything.

SPEAKER_00

Literally, me. That's me. And then honestly, from another podcaster to another, just keep doing what you're doing. Just keep posting, keep posting, just keep talking about what you're talking about. Your setup is fantastic. I see your your cameras are fantastic. I know when it, whenever we freaking talked the first time, I was like, what camera are you using? I forgot about that. I was like, uh, my phone. I was like, no way you're using an iPhone 13. I'm over here, I'm over here looking up freaking Sonys and shit. I was like, there's no way. What camera is she using? It's just an iPhone 13.

SPEAKER_01

Help so I've been using my iPad to like text people because I'm on my phone right now, so I can't text anybody or do anything on the site. It's very helpful to stay focused, I will say, because if my phone's my camera, I can't, I gotta stay focused.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, no, I freaking love that though, because I feel like there's so many people out there that have the passion to start a podcast or a video podcast, but they think that they need all these fancy equipment and da-da-da-da. No, you just need an iPhone 13, a passion, and a really good background.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, this took forever to make, and this is just collection, and then I this was a hundred dollars off Facebook Marketplace.

SPEAKER_00

You really I love that. Is that not your living room? This is my living room.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, yeah, this is actually my apartment. This is uh yeah, this is yeah, no, this is um yeah, cool. Because like my couch is in Mississippi currently, so I had to buy a brand new couch, or like I wanted to buy a brand new couch. I was like, I'm not gonna buy a couch just to have it here temporarily and then yeah, yeah. I love that.

SPEAKER_02

So I got that one and it worked out.

SPEAKER_00

So it literally looks like an IKEA like background. I love it. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01

Is that not your living room? Are you in IKEA? No, yeah. Uh actually my dad got me the rug for Christmas, so I'm grateful because the sound in here was like starting to echo. And I live on a very busy street, so I was worried that the windows weren't thick enough. So, but uh yeah, the goal for this apartment when I got it was I need to set this up so I could just sit at my kitchen table and film. So yeah.

SPEAKER_00

I love that. And whenever you're filming, does your husband just go away?

SPEAKER_01

Well, he's not home, so that helps. Uh yeah, he's been gone since July. But uh Hello since July? Yeah, no, he's been gone since July since OTS. He's been off at trading. So he's been back for a couple of long weekends since it's tech school again, basically. I think our longest stretch without seeing each other during this whole period was four months, three months. Yeah, no, it's been crazy. I've had surgeries, I've moved, uh you name it. So yeah, this season's been insane. But I think we're that's insane growing.

SPEAKER_00

So as an intermediate military spouse, no, you're good.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, you can call me new too. That's good too. I still feel that way.

SPEAKER_00

So okay, so as uh okay, what's another word for new? Because I don't want to say seasoned, but I don't want to say brand new. So as a not so uh new military spouse, what's been the hardest adjustment for you? I I mean your husband being gone set for a really long time seems top tier.

SPEAKER_01

Top tier would be long distance because we didn't do long distance, we were dating. So we went from dating and being together pretty much every day to long distance. So his first our first stretch was BMT in tech school. That was that was six, eight months. And then this one is our longest stretch of six uh sorry, time tied today. Uh our longest stretch of long distance in today's February so July six months so far, but we'll by the time it's over, it'll be ten about almost ten. We're about like nine ten mark, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

So that's a new one. Uh yeah, uh my husband was gone on deployment for 11 months, so I know exactly how you feel. And I wasn't able to see him, he was in Qatar. Like at all. Sorry, yeah. Yeah, girl. It's okay. It happened a long time ago. Like what, like three years ago? Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

The deployments are rough. I I mean I've been grateful for it being tech school so we can visit, but like I don't I don't I don't know what it's like to not be able to, so that's why I haven't really sp spoken about deployments. Um, because that's just I try my best not to like speak on stuff I have not experienced yet. Exactly. Someone that has um try to give my love and affection for it, but I really try my best not to it's awful if I can't afford it. I know I have covered up, I can feel it on my bones, but uh it's oh yeah a few months and then maybe oh yeah, brand new officer.

SPEAKER_00

Oh yeah, girl. He's leaving. I know, I I know. Oh my god, and we can joke about this, okay? We're military spouses, we can joke about this. It's all funny games.

SPEAKER_01

This is how Gen Z co uh copes we laugh about our trauma. Oh literally, okay.

SPEAKER_00

What's something that veteran mill spouses don't necessarily realize about not so new military spouses like us?

SPEAKER_01

I think the veterans have just been through so much it that their patience is lower for new spouses, um, because we technically do have it easier with phones and stuff. And you know, I was talking to a spouse the other day about how she uh um you know her husband deployed during you know 9-11 era. So like that's you know, our eras are completely different. And you know, it really had me thinking like I think sometimes they're very short with us because we uh technically in some ways have it easier with FaceTime and we don't have to, you know, it is spotty Wi-Fi if it's not the best either, but um we don't have to send letters or anything like that. Exactly. Unless it's like BT BMT, but then it's like you know, that's still it's just eight weeks, it's not like yeah, um, so I think the veterans were like, well, like if I can do it, you can do it, and it's a lot easier now. So I think their patience level with the newbies is a little short, but I think it is getting better from when I've talked to veteran spouses that are like actually care. Um, I think they The other part is uh a lot of them are about to exit or like retire, which is great, as they should. Um, they earned it absolutely. Um, so it's just this balanced game of like having patience with the newbies, and the ones that do are great, and the ones that don't, I just I they just I don't know how to I don't want to piss off a whole like generation of military spouses.

SPEAKER_00

Um no, because it's true, like it's it's it's very true. I feel like I feel like a lot of the military spouses from the older generation experience a lot more harder things, such as sending letters, longer deployments, like dangerous con combat deployments, war times, and you know, naturally it is gonna be harder. Like I obviously it's gonna be a lot harder.

SPEAKER_01

But I tell a lot of newbie spouses that when they first join, if like they reach out to me, I'm like, look, a lot of vets are great and nice, you just gotta be careful with how you approach it because um a lot of them have gone through some really, really hard stuff. Um and if terrible things, yes. If you're coming across like this, like, oh like he hasn't called me in two days, like and it's it's a valid, like what I told us like what you're feeling is valid, however, what they went through is also valid. So you just kind of have to figure out that middle of approaching it with just like empathy from both sides. Um, because if you can both approach it with empathy, then like she like from a newbie spouse to a veteran spouse, the learning capabilities are just endless once they have empathy on both sides. Um so I think that's just that's something I kind of had thought about a couple weeks ago. I was like on my pod, I was like, guys, like veteran spouses, we just need to just give them some crazy, they don't know what they were doing. Um they did definitely didn't get a rule book, we didn't get a rule book. Um, so I think that's the other part is like, why don't they know what this is? It's like, did you get a rule book when you joined? I don't think so.

SPEAKER_00

Right. So did you did you like feel pressured to kind of figure it all out once you first joined?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, what I joined, I don't know if maybe this is just me, but I had like this uh I gotta know everything quick because I didn't feel stupid. I didn't want to feel like uh, you know, when you go on TikTok and everything else, like everyone just seems like they know it and it's perfect, and like I'm missing something. And I kept asking Austin, I was like, is there like classes for like spouses? He's like, no. And I'm like, is there like you know, like YouTube channels? And there are like a few at the time. There still are more coming, which is great. Um, but like I was like, how do they know? How do they know everything? And then it clicked in my brain, it was like, oh, they don't. Um, because I don't know. Figured it out. But for like a solid year, I was like pressuring myself, just self-inflicted, of like, okay, I need to learn about Tri-Care, I need to learn about PCSing, I need to learn about overseas, I need to learn about this. I haven't stepped on overseas, and I'm like learning everything about it. Uh, like, because like I just want to know to help advocate for it, but also just um you know you never know, just in case, didn't it? Like all this um self-pressure of just like trying to make sure I can fit into the military spouse group, and that was kind of where the start was like, Well, I want to fit in and I want to be like a helpful spouse, and I want to just be like this newbie that's not like helpful, um all self-afflicted.

SPEAKER_00

No, yeah, yes, piggybacking on what you said about fitting in as a military spouse. Have you found a community yet? Or the reason why you build a podcast is more of so to find that community and kind of bring that community to you and to each other.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, that the the latter. Uh here I have spouses here, and they're great when uh they're open. There's just this community, it's just so hard sometimes if you're like jumping between branches. Um I'm Air Force, I'm at an army base, so I was not welcomed with open arms. If anything, I was told to F off. So it was very I went to like um was it like a spouse meeting or whatever? It was like a baseball thing for like the boys, and then they were like against different branches. So I was like, oh, I'll go because like that's the other thing is like all of Austin's buddies were like younger, so I was like, I'm one of the only one of a few Air Force wives here in general, and conversations would go great, and then I'd bring up I'm Air Force, let alone the officer part, but like uh I bring up Air Force and it was immediate shutdown. It was like, oh, okay. And then it was just like you could tell immediately in their brains that they weren't taking anything I was saying seriously. Um, I don't know why. I maybe I I'm still working on the hi, I'm Maddie, it's nice to meet you part. Um so yeah, definitely started the community online just for myself as well to meet other spouses, and it's that's been very helpful. Um Facebook groups help. I but I you know I kind of remind myself it's like you know, just because you are part of the community doesn't mean that is your identity. Um your friends are you're still allowed to have friends outside just because you know your husband made that decision doesn't mean that needs to reflect on your life, and you know, you're still human and you're still allowed to make friends even if it's not in that circle. Um, so yeah, and the hard part with this base it rotates out very fast. Uh, a lot of people get in and get out really quickly at this base. Um, so yeah, that's hard. Um so like I my next door neighbor, she was military, she just PCS to Hawaii last week. Wow, and you guys, wow, that's good. Yeah, I just moved in last uh August. So I had like three, four months, you know, whatever that timeline was. Yeah, to get to know her. Yeah, and she she just had a baby, which was so sweet. Um, but yeah, they just PCS. Um, so I was like, okay, bye. Uh and then I had a few friends at the gym that I work at um that were military, most of them are gone. So I have a lot of people coming in, but I don't want to get attached just quite yet.

SPEAKER_00

But yeah, we'll see. No, I'm sorry about that.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, and I've I've never been like the person that like makes friends fast, or like I've never had the big friend group.

SPEAKER_00

Like, I've never been that person, so especially as an adult, too. Like making friends as an adult is and added bonus as a military spouse is so much harder than making friends in general. Like, yeah, it's one of the hardest things, especially since our community is so closed off. Like, okay, I'll just befriend my cat for the rest of for the rest of my life, considering nobody wasn't. Befriend the thing. What's it like hosting a military spouse podcast while still learning about the life yourself?

SPEAKER_01

I think it's great because I feel like girls are learning along with me. Um, so when I'm on there and I'm being vulnerable, like, hey, I don't know this surprise. Uh everyone's like, hey, I didn't know that either. So it kind of like I'm routing myself out, but it's allowing other girls to learn uh the hard way or less hard way, like I'm learning right now. But wow, I have tongue tied today. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_00

No, it's okay.

SPEAKER_01

Uh, but it's been great to just learn along the way because I feel like it's a showing my growth as well from like beginning to end. I mean, I started this in November and it's already February, which is crazy. Um and just like learning a ton. Like, I I think I spent like four hours just on the Tri-Care website, just like digging deep, just like doing research. Uh, I've been working with friends that are moving overseas, just really trying to learn a lot about the military aspect itself. Um, in a couple weeks to have a podcast just on acronyms alone. Like, because so many girls are like, What's this one mean? I'm like, your guess is as good as mine. Um I don't know. That's a new one for me, too. Like, because they make up once like every two weeks. Um, so yeah, I'm really excited about that one. But you know, just it's kind of fun just being able to learn along the way. And I just hope it shows like I'm growing and it's okay to not know things. Um, and it's okay to ask questions, and it's I'd rather you guys ask questions. So then it was like, oh, that's a good one. Maybe I should like think into look into that. Yeah, it really allows me to learn, it allows them to learn at the same time, and then also just grow as a community. I mean, my goal is to like keep you know the conversation going and giving each other advice and just keeping that that door open.

SPEAKER_00

So absolutely. Do you think podcasting has essentially helped you process this life a lot easier? In some ways, yes.

SPEAKER_01

Um, it's kind of like I feel a little bit like I don't even know how to word it. Like it's definitely helped me process it better, especially the stuff that I already know. Um but it's definitely held me more accountable to make sure I'm speaking not from like emotion and from facts. Sometimes, like with the military world and especially like the mom talk drama or like whatever, it can get very intense really quickly. So being making sure I'm taking that out of it, and like when I do speak on like that stuff, I'm making sure I'm taking emotions out of it and putting in like factual stuff, and then like when it's about advice and about handling emotions, then that's a different conversation. But really trying to stay mature about this whole thing because I want to build up a community that's confident in themselves, and I can't do that if I'm not confident in myself, so it really has to stem from me and as a host and be like, yeah, I'm insecure right now, but I know I'm getting better, and I know that as we learn along the way, we'll we we're building that confidence slowly. And if I'm doing that, I hope other girls are learning from that as well.

SPEAKER_00

So that's that's awesome.

SPEAKER_02

I don't know if that made sense.

SPEAKER_00

No, it does. It did, it did make sense. It did make sense now. What kind of feedback do you get from your listeners?

SPEAKER_01

Uh well, at first it was just families, that was great. Uh as it is, right? Um you know, the feedback has really just been more about girls feeling safe to reach out. That's been really um heartwarming. I've had a lot of girls DM me privately and be like, hey, this might be a dumb question. And I'm like, not at all. I love to answer these. Um, especially like it's mostly like BMT stuff or Air Force or PCSing for the first time. Those are probably the two top categories. Um, or just a lot of I had a few girls just reach out to talk because you just needed somebody to like feel heard, and that's something I feel like our spouse community really just is absolutely needs to be forward, is just like feeling heard. Um so just being it feels good to know that they feel confident to at least confide in me a little bit, and oh yeah, it's just for that one day that they just needed to word vomit, the door is open. I love that. I wish I could give them coffee and like a blanket and we could shout on the couch kind of vibes, but that's just where we're at.

SPEAKER_00

So I love that. You give such a you're such a sweet energy, like I can sense that from across the way.

SPEAKER_03

Thank you. Uh being well.

SPEAKER_00

No, you do. And so I'm assuming that you've you've had multiple people saying that your podcast has really helped them.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I've had a few reach out about it, which has been really sweet. Um, but you know, that's the goal. It's just one person at a time. It's not about, you know, numbers, it's about okay, how can I best address the current issues that we're facing as a community and um and empower the girls to either like move forward positively or and boys. I don't know why I keep saying girls, but the spouses to move forward positively and in a healthy way versus um the spiral drama fest that we're known for. Um one of my goals is really just to switch that narrative for military spouses because we are probably one of the strongest categories of women I know and men. Um and it's really discouraging when like we're known for other things when we're we should really be known for our strength in our yeah um that's just it it heart breaks my heart when we're known for something else, what we should be known for, like our at-home strength and our mental strength. Uh it takes a lot to do what we do. And I so that's one of the goals of the podcast is to also like bring that to the world. Like these girls go through hell and back. Um, so that might add that might be why, but like this is like the strength that you know it takes to be at home.

SPEAKER_00

So no, I 1000% agree. I'm also trying to switch that narrative because I feel like so many of us are classified as dependas, and we're ungrateful, and da-da-da-da-da-da-da, like we're all drama. That's not the case. Literally, like 95% of us are not like that, like at all. And I feel like the 95% of us are the quiet ones, meanwhile, the five percent are the ones that are being loud and proud, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, so what's something that doesn't get talked about enough in this community?

SPEAKER_01

Hmm, our community, there's a lot that's an open book, that can be anything, but I think for um spouses in general, uh reintegration is something I feel like it's talked about about because you talk about it for a second and it's like, oh, they're so excited it comes home, and then like people kind of forget because they're not going through the deployment or the long distance anymore, and they just let it go and they forget to check in on their friends and stuff. Um, but reintegration's probably one of the other like aside from being long distance is like I'd say like really close second of partship. You know, it's like a two to three month transition period, whether you're long distance overseas or if you were in two states away. Um, I've had a few girls reach out asking, like, how do I not screw at my husband for like three weeks straight? Uh so because they just don't understand like why they don't understand. And I my first advice is just to you know have just sit down and talk about it. And uh there are how I know there's some classes at some bases that talk about reintegration with um the service member. Um really yeah, I like it's a thing here.

SPEAKER_00

Um is it at the USL?

SPEAKER_01

Some do it there, I think. So I do think we need more of that though. Um that reintegration I think is really important and how that's set up and making sure that you know when you're reintegrating, you're not reinventing the wheel because a lot of spouses will come home from deployments and whatnot and either go back to their old ways because they're used to that, and that's normal for them because they thought life was put on pause while they were gone, but it wasn't. Um, so the new wheel that they're coming home to is like different shapes and they gotta figure it out. Um so I think reintegration is probably one of the biggest things I've seen. Um that um, I mean, I've experienced myself as well that that was tricky. Um, because Austin and I like moved across the country when we reintegrated, so we got lucky on that level because it's just starting over all over versus like him coming home and he's gotta like come back into everyday life. That's here. Um so I that's something I wish uh more veteran spouses would talk about more because those are things that went the ruin. They don't have the keys to it, but I think if they could advocate for that a little bit more, I think they their words would be very impactful.

SPEAKER_00

Especially with the war vets, the ones that came from Vietnam or you know, Afghanistan back in the day. I feel like those spouses should really, really like talk about that way more because their spouses came back completely different.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

180. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

The service members came back completely different. They're the spouses that are that are home are trying to understand the service member, and the service member is trying to fit back into a mold that no longer exists.

SPEAKER_02

Yep.

SPEAKER_00

Because they're different and the family's different because they've been gone for so long. So that's that's a really good point. I like that. I like that a lot. So do you think social media helps our community or hurts it? Uh if that's 50-50. I agree.

SPEAKER_01

Some ways I'm like, it's not at all.

SPEAKER_00

I agree. Like those the T pages.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Mind you, it's entertaining, but I don't know.

SPEAKER_01

There's a f I it's asking about one offline, but I think you find it funny. Uh, but yeah, there's a few that I'm like, I just understand like the putting our airing out our whole dirty laundry thing. That's something I don't quite understand. Um never have, never will. Maybe it's just and I have to remind myself, like my generation, like, how old are you? I'm 27. Okay, that's what I thought. I was like, wait, for a second it I was like, wait, wait, what's she not? Like, like my brain's like, what if she's like, wait, how do you perceive? Okay, yeah. So I I yeah, I'm 27 in July. But um, how old do you think I am? Or how old do you think I was? For a second, I thought you were 22. I was like, wait.

SPEAKER_03

Oh god, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

I might be older. Like, I I thought I was like, wait, I might be older. Am I a relic? Um I have a relic.

SPEAKER_00

I'll be 27.

SPEAKER_01

I'm at that stage in 20s, or you're like, okay, baby, I'm not meant to go to club anywhere.

SPEAKER_00

Anyways, uh no, seriously, I'd rather go to jazz clubs and just sit and like drink my little espresso martini than go to a sweaty club that stinks over stinks, it's dark. Yeah, I'm scared. I'll do I like my space. It's too loud. Are you kidding me? I'd I'd rather chew glass. Like, I'm sorry. I'd I'd rather chew glass than go to a sweaty, stinky, dark, smelly I'm sorry, that's a twenty that's that's a 27-year-old in me, girl.

SPEAKER_01

I'm old. No, I'm right there with you. Older generations uh didn't have like guidelines to social media when they grew up. Uh so because social media came around like in their 20s, so it was just free-for-all. They didn't have parrots. I mean, my parents didn't really do anything either because I grew up a beta phase, I feel like, because Instagram came out when I was 13. So Me too. Well, you know, so like I grew up like we all kind of like were grew it growing up in like the learner stage, but you know, we were taught a little bit about like you know, boundaries and like what to post and not to post, and like I have to remind myself, like the older ones did not get that guideline, and they just posted is not taught to everybody, so and that is clear. Um literally try to find I try my best to find like the best in everybody, but there's there have been some posts that I've seen that I'm like, okay, maybe um maybe we should think on that one before we post it. Because that's the other thing, is like other military spouses also have an opinion, so they will go and comment on it and then they're like, I don't know why everyone hates me. It's like, well, you aired out your dirty laundry, and then you repro yourself kind of vibe. Um, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

That's something PR training. PR training is not uh well known to everybody.

SPEAKER_01

Um it is entertaining, I will say, but um, you know, I in my head I'm like, God, these are real lives, these are not these are not these are just stories, these are like real people. Um reality TV. So I I try my best not to entertain it because I don't want to condone that crappy behavior. But um I also find it good for like podcasts like yours and like people that do want to help and like encourage people. So it's like that 50-50 of like okay, but great, like this is yeah, uh that's a 50-50, unfortunately.

SPEAKER_00

I agree, I agree. I feel like I feel like with social media, it like you said, it could go 50-50. Like it could there could be people like us that are actually genuinely trying to help the community, and then there's people like other in T pages that rather see us still stay in that negative light of like depend us, drama starters, whatever the case may be. Um but yeah, so like how shifting gears a little bit, how uh how do you keep your sense of self while your husband's away, you know, you're in the military now, or not you're in the military now, but he's in the military now. You have to kind of redefine yourself. How do you keep your sense of self?

SPEAKER_01

Uh I really that's actually something I've been working on the most, probably, is just trying to find Maddie, because you know, everything is surrounded by Austin's career, so it's hard to just be like, cool, I'm just gonna be Maddie, but let me just move across the country real quick. Um, so there's just a lot of pivoting that has to happen to find yourself, and you have to be willing to put yourself out there. Um but yeah, just kind of letting things go and not having like this control or sense of control because there's it's not a thing in our world.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Um, but I'm very I like to be prepared and I like to be like I'm very like, okay, we need to get things done. Um so sometimes that can switch into control mode. Um, so I have to kind of hold that part back and just let it go and just keep going. That is way easier said than done.

SPEAKER_00

Um absolutely. I'm the same way.

SPEAKER_01

You know, go and those walks and go and to the Pilates and just treating myself with respect because I find like the more I treat myself like to healthier options, the more I feel like myself and I can feel more confident in taking care of Austin when he gets home when I feel better at home.

SPEAKER_00

That's beautiful treating yourself with respect. I think that's like that really actually like touched my heart. I was like oh my God because in my real life like I'm just so busy all the freaking time that I forget about Leigh. Like I forget about Leigh. And I forget that oh man I can go to the gym or I can go work out. I can do this but like I'm so like stuck on busy mode that I forget to treat myself with respect in that way not in the I'm I don't have any self-respect.

SPEAKER_01

No yeah no that's it's yeah yeah exactly.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah it more in the like uh I need to I guess treat myself with kindness exactly be kind to yourself be kind to yourself perfect and shift your mentality in a way that it is healthy. Yeah I'm like the worst critic to myself so I really have to like sit myself down and just be like you need to stop are you an old are you uh older are you an older child I am the oldest sibling yeah ah yeah yeah older sibling syndrome I'm also the older syndrome so we got two for two my god my husband is two look at that that's awesome older siblings are the worst because we're the worst critics because we've had to grow up with our parents in a sense I mean I'm not sure how old your parents are but mine are really young. Mine are they were yeah they were really young when they had me so in that sense I had to grow up with them I I always joked that I was the prototype. I was the prototype because they treated my siblings so much better. They treated my siblings so like so much better than they did me.

SPEAKER_01

Um but with that being said I feel like older sisters or older old eldest daughters in a sense they they have like this need for control and this need to like everything be perfect and it's so crazy I've I haven't met another eldest daughter in a while so it's nice to relate yeah it's hard it's hard just to be nice to myself but oh my god yeah we have this need for control so we married the military and somehow we picked we picked well but we picked the least amount of like control that we can attain for our lives self-sabotage uh oh my god myself sometimes I'm like we're is this self-destruction or was this well no seriously how do you avoid burnout as uh as a person who works you know two other jobs plus being a creator how do you avoid that you don't but you kind of just I try to I notice my burnouts are very in sync with Miss Flow so I try my best to like if I'm in a creative mode keep going I don't stop um because I know like when I get in those phases of like I've got some bad news I don't feel like filming today um or like I just had surgery should probably not like yeah um you know try to bank a little bit ahead just so that way it gets me like I'll have like some backup episodes just in case um or I'll ask a photo friend to help me like come up with some ideas and just really like talk about it. And my friends are really good about just like reminding my why and then I kind of like okay so what are you struggling with most recently and most of my podcasts I try my best to like discuss like what I'm current going through currently and I think that's also keeps the fee going. Because being a military spouse things change constantly so that helps absolutely so yeah that's crazy you can't avoid it but uh you could prepare for it um and that's what I try to do.

SPEAKER_00

Um absolutely what kind of what what is what what are your burnouts look like?

SPEAKER_01

Uh I don't get out of bed but yeah uh you know I do struggle with depression and that's something that's on and off especially with Austin being gone. But um and I think it's more with like my surgery and everything and just everything that happened this last two months. But um it's not necessarily like oh we're doing long distance like everything is so hard at home. So it kind of like feels more heavy but I know it's hard to keep like working on it. But um yeah sometimes I just just me and my dogs in bed and just try to let Maddie rest and just take a minute to breathe because sometimes I'll push myself too hard and then it's like the burnout does come and then I'm like empty it's like well you didn't fill your own cup dummy. Right. So filling my own cup really is just me like convalescing with my dogs or sitting on the couch um entertaining myself like allowing myself to enjoy those things because like I don't like like I just keep going I don't stop so when I sit down and like watch TV it's like I'm that's very intentional and that's very like okay I need to fill Maddie's cup or if I'm sitting down like watching TikTok for more than an hour like that's rare for me just because like I'm like my brain automatic kicks in and be like well you could be doing this you could be doing that what about oh my God me too so yeah it's really rare for me to like it's usually at night when I'm like zoom scrolling but me too um really just try my best to keep in with the routine and then if it gets to that really bad spot then just praying with God and just staying at home and just resting not pouring out too much.

SPEAKER_00

So I love that you have to fill your own cup before you do other things. I love that so where do you want details to go in the next year or where do you see it going in the next year?

SPEAKER_01

Oh I have a lot of plans for this podcast. I you know I from stories to more growth from a uh from each level of spouses and branches and sharing like I really want every branch to feel included in this so right now I'm working on just expanding different branches stories because there's only so much I can do from an Air Force stand Air Force standpoint. So um I don't want anyone to think I know it all so really just why I want to bring up more people on to share their stories so that way they can um feel less alone that's really the big goal on this um but you know one day I would love to meet everybody yeah um I don't know what that looks like then I would also kind of address the employment issues and stuff as well so there's a lot of ways this podcast is gonna grow and expand and just outside of just a podcast but um you know just one step at a time one episode at a time so I love that I yeah one episode at a time just keep on growing keep on moving so what does success look like to you uh knowing that other military spouses feel less or feel heard um I love that same here I just want them to feel heard and the second they feel heard they feel more empowered to listen to others and I feel like if I can do it then everyone else can do it or can do it and you know just one person at a time to change the narrative really so I love that.

SPEAKER_00

So what's your what's your advice on somebody or what's your advice on a military spouse that wants to start a podcast about military spouses.

SPEAKER_01

I think that's great. I think they're you know I love how we both are doing this. I think this is an open market and I think the more the merrier honestly um because this community deserves to have a narrative shift and to do that it's gonna take a lot of us to do that. And I really like I don't know bring it on. Just be confident in yourself and just be okay knowing that you're gonna have a growth period and it could be two years it could be one year. I I'm still not for sure a podcast yeah yeah this is no joke as you know like this is harder than it looks um 100% you know and really just I always like pray on things so just really pray on it and just really connect with your soul on it and be like you know is this a calling of mine because once you're called to it um I really encourage you to not stop don't stop I 1000% agree I feel like a lot of us have the gift of the voice a lot of us have um the gift of the voice and I feel like a lot of us ignore that calling and most of us need to connect with that calling and and dive into it and explore what that looks like.

SPEAKER_00

With that being said I feel like my advice for a military spouse that wants to start a military spouse podcast make sure that you find your niche within the military spouse content. Because I feel like a lot of military spouses who are content creators don't necessarily have a niche and they're kind of all over the place. They're all over the place but if they focus on one kind of like what you're doing with advice and what everything and what I'm doing with like stories and everything along those lines I feel like they could really get somewhere in the beginning. Yeah. And then after that you like branch off. Yeah is the limit absolutely and also having a podcast is for the long run the very long run you're not gonna see any traction and this is something that I'm sure we both looked into before we even started but you're not gonna see any traction within like the first six months to a year this is you're not gonna make any income you're not gonna get any sponsors you're not unless you just go viral off the jump and even so and even so if you go viral off the jump your trajectory is gonna go down so if you are planning to make money off a podcast don't even start anything don't even I don't know about me but unless no right don't even no unless you're wanting to take this for the long roll and doing it for the right reasons right so if your reasons are to share positivity spread information that helps the community then 1000% do it.

SPEAKER_01

But if you're just doing it for views likes and money I don't think this is for you I second that absolutely because I think you'll see a lot of burnout very quickly if you're not getting reviews right away and you will not that is yeah so I highly yeah I second that and just encourage people to just post and look away.

SPEAKER_00

It has to be a passion of yours for you to keep going you know so shifting gears a little bit we're gonna play a game of would you rather ready for this okay so would you rather PCS every six months to a year or stay in one place for 10 years every six months right I get stir crazy so like I've been at this base for three years and I'm like get me out like I'm ready like I want to see the world like I'm I'm excited.

SPEAKER_01

You know but uh yeah uh that sounds intense but I I'm a very minimal person so that's moving's not actually my worst nightmares so I really oh my god you're the you're the only person I've ever talked to that has said I know so I don't say it often but it's like yeah actually moving makes me excited because I'm like this is gonna be great this is a new start like it's stressful like the move itself is but like I don't know I'm just so C like I got this whole moving thing in my brain that I'm like okay we can do this it's yeah uh like neurotic body really takes off yeah my poor husband okay would you rather have all of the information or no information before a big military move like as like where we're going or just like yep where we're going yeah all of it all of it so you either have all of the information to where your brain is about to explode or no information.

SPEAKER_00

All of it bring it on I knew you were gonna say that I'll carpal metalize later I don't know like bring it on like I rather sit there and you just keep going and I'm like okay if two plus two is square yeah I can yeah okay yeah uh that's yeah uh as long as I know like okay like yeah I know you us type a girlies we need to know everything we need to know everything okay so would you rather record a podcast episode exhausted out of your mind or fully caffeinated energizer bunny type of situation I've done both so I have done both uh energy just makes me look like I'm crazy sometimes so I'm probably exhausted because I'm like slow that I'm actually thinking what I'm saying uh it's probably slow just because I can know I'm speaking properly um but yeah I have done both there you can tell by episodes when I've had caffeine like right before and I'm like oh my god you guys guess what like if it's like and they're like oh my god cool uh your eye your pupils are dilating like and I don't even drink like energy drinks I just drink tea and that's it but it caffeine affects me like that so like it doesn't it doesn't take much so oh wow yeah okay so to wrap this episode up what is what is a piece of advice that you give to a military spouse that's not so brand new but kind of brand new who is starting a podcast who is literally in your same situation uh yeah you cannot be scared to put yourself out there um that will literally hold you back from everything you have to be willing to put yourself out there and you just have to understand that if there's rejection it's just a different door there's another door right next door you just gotta keep going um you know I have like faced a lot of that in this world being a military spouse but you know you can't take that personally you just gotta keep moving forward and it is a lot easier said than done but you can't be scared to put yourself out there. Don't like totally like dive in deep like obviously like slow your role into it but um don't be scared to start because I I wouldn't have met my husband if I didn't start a small group yeah that's true so that's true uh so you just gotta your life could totally change if you just start it I love that well yeah and I want to touch on that too because I feel like the biggest thing is to I heard this one person she she gave me advice it was a TikTok clip she gave me advice it was literally TikTok video um the biggest thing to do or the biggest thing the biggest thing that's holding you back is the fact that you can't get over yourself. First thing you have to do is get over yourself. Nobody has ever died of embarrassment and if you make a fool out of yourself then guess what? Who cares? No one's gonna remember no one's gonna remember you know exactly so biggest thing is to start getting over yourself. Thank you so much Maddie for coming on this episode of Face Buddies and sharing your lovely story and thank you and thank you for staying and joining us on this journey. If you found value in this episode please don't forget to like subscribe and follow and join us on the next episode of FaceBuddies