I Got Married at 18 and Everyone Thought It Was a Mistake | Kaley's Story

In this episode, Kaley shares her powerful story of becoming a military spouse at just 18 years old after getting engaged at 17 and everything that came with it.

From navigating judgment and outside opinions to supporting her husband through the early stages of his military career, Kaley opens up about what it really takes to grow up fast in this lifestyle.

But her story doesn’t stop there.

While holding it down as a military spouse, she’s also chasing her own dreams of owning a gym proving that you don’t have to lose yourself just because you chose love early.

This episode is for anyone who’s ever been judged for their timeline, felt overlooked, or is trying to balance love, sacrifice, and ambition all at once.

Because being a military spouse doesn’t mean your dreams get put on pause. 💛

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

I was at work. I was at work. And I was like, I looked at my cover and I was like, I'm so sorry. I gotta take this. And I ran out and immediately just started bawling my eyes out. I have I've got a screenshot of me just like red face. Like oh my god!

SPEAKER_01 0:32

Welcome back to another episode of Face Buddies. I'm your host, Leigh. If you are new here, this is a podcast geared towards military spouses, military girlfriends, military fiances, and we just share stories and connect via commonality. Today's is a very special episode. All my episodes are special. I have Miss Kaylee here with me. She is a young, brand new military spouse. She just got married, and yeah, she's just new to the game, and she's here to talk about her story. She's talking about her experience as a young military spouse. And yeah, let's get to know you, Kaylee.

SPEAKER_00 1:15

I'm 18. I got married a couple weeks after I turned 18 to my best friend, my best friend of my entire life. I love him so much. He actually graduated OC two days after I turned 18. And then we got married at my church where my dad preaches. I think two weeks after that. And then I moved up to Fort Carson a week later.

SPEAKER_01 1:37

Wow. That's crazy. So who so who were you before you got married?

SPEAKER_00 1:45

Okay. So before I got married, I was very different than I am now. I was a band kid. I was like a nerd. Like I was very much like devoted to the craft. I was working since I was 15. I was a band section leader. I was super like, okay, school is like everything to me. But then I met Matthew at work. I was working at this gym that I'm currently working at now as a marketing manager. I started working there when I was 15, and a couple months later, Matthew started working as well. And we met each other and we hit it off off the bat. We bonded because we were band kids, band nerds.

SPEAKER_02 2:25

Oh gosh. My cat.

SPEAKER_01 2:27

It's okay. It's okay. Our guest speakers are actually our cats. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:34

So we bonded because we were band kids and we hit it off. We started working every ship together, but I was also still like really having a band. So that was like my big thing. I was like, this is everything to me. Like, I'm gonna be a music major. I'm gonna go off and do all these big things. And we started dating. We started we started going on dates, but we weren't official at all. Like we didn't put a label on it. He had never had a girlfriend. I was kinda you know, jumping from man to man. Like I got him in the guy. It's okay. I loved all the bad boys. So at the time we were just going on dates, hanging out, and everyone knew we were dating. Like there was no lie. Like everyone knew they were like, Oh yeah, they're in love. But we were like, friends. So we bonded over that, and we bonded over our shared hate of our boss. You know what?

SPEAKER_01 3:38

You know what? It's okay. You guys bonded over a lot of things. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:44

Well, so we spent two years dating, just not having any sort of label. I was, you know, still kind of I was in high school. He was he had recently graduated. He's two years older than me. Um and then my senior year, I had started. My senior year was interesting because I didn't really go to school a lot. I had a lot of virtual classes. I did a lot of my classes through work because work was like everything to me. I loved my job. I still love my job.

SPEAKER_01 4:14

Wait, so you're a marketing, you're a marketing manager at the gym that you are right now. And that's what you used to do back in back in high school? So yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:24

So I started at 15, I started as a receptionist there. I took people in, did their memberships, whatnot. And then when I moved, they offered me the position of marketing manager because they were like, we don't want you, we don't want to lose you. Like you're a very important part of our team. So we're gonna have you this give you this position. You can do it virtually. When you are back in town, you can work. Like, and so I'm a market manager, do all their social media, I do communication, stuff like that. And it's just been so amazing. I love that company so much. It's I love, I mean, that that's where I met my husband, it's where I met all my friends. Like, yeah, I love that place. Wait, what gym is it? It's called it's not like a big gym. It's the Family Life Center of Gatesville, Georgia. It's connected to a church that my dad preaches at. That's when I knew about it. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 5:11

Okay, it's okay, girl. I can cut it out. It's fine. I was just curious. I was like, is it like LA Fitness?

SPEAKER_00 5:17

Like, what I was like, I completely forgot. My senior year didn't really, you know, didn't really go to school. So I spent a lot of time working, a lot of time realizing that this is what I wanted to do with my life, which is business. Yeah, I want to own my own gym, I want to stay in the I could not, I know, I could not see myself doing anything else. Oh like this is what I want. I don't even really want to like go to in-person college. I want to keep working here and do online school. Like, this is what I love. And me and Matthew, even before we were like together together, we had talked about owning a gym together. Like that was just our thing. Like, we my God, we loved the gym. I love the gym industry. It's it's amazing. My the summer of right before I went to my senior year, I was a captain of the band. It was very stressful. I was going through a really tough time in my life.

SPEAKER_02 6:13

Oh no.

SPEAKER_00 6:14

And on top of that, Matthew told me that he was leaving for the military.

SPEAKER_01 6:18

Wait, okay. So okay, so let's backtrack a little bit. You guys start dating. And then did you know that he had plans to go into the military, or was this more of so just a spur of the moment kind of thing?

SPEAKER_00 6:34

Well, I knew he grew up wanting to join the military, but he had not really talked about that much. We talked about it every now and then, but it was more of like, oh, don't do that. Like, don't don't leave me. Like I was it was like selfish, like, don't leave me. You know, you're not gonna do that. Well, he kind of we were going through a rough time just because like we still have not made anything official. I was getting frustrated. Like, I was like, I can't tell if this man actually likes me or not. Like, he's not saying anything. So I just like you know, whatever. And then he told me that he was joining the military and got hurt. That hurt. Right. Like I had been like, some of my ex-boyfriends were like, Oh yeah, I'm gonna join the military after college, which now looking back, I'm like none of them had the balls to join the military. Yeah, like that's ridiculous. But I would always be like, no, like don't do that. What are you like, what are you talking about? So to hear my best friend and the entire world was joining the military, that it scared me. It really did. And I really felt betrayed. I was like, obviously, you don't really want to do anything with this, like, this was not anything serious to you. So I kind of like focused my attention on someone else because I was just really hurt. I was like, you know, whatever. And he ended up telling this boy, I'm so sorry, but I'm in love with Matthew. Like, I that was the first time I'd ever really admitted it to myself, too, was saying to this boy that I'm in love with this boy and I can't, like, I'm so sorry. He understood. And me and Matthew quickly really got back to where we were. It was almost like nothing had happened. We went to a concert. That's how you know it's meant to be. I know. We went to a concert of our favorite artist ever. He took me to my favorite restaurant when I was a child. It was super sweet. And a couple days later, we were sitting in the parking lot after work, and I told him that I loved him. And because we were just talking about, so what is this gonna look like when you leave? We only have a couple months left. Like, like, what do we do? And I was like, I love you. Like, I just told him, I love you. Like, I don't know what else to tell you. And he told me, and we had a very long conversation of it's gonna be hard, but like I think we can make it work. We've been through a lot, yeah. So we had only a couple months of real dating, like real being able to call each other boyfriend, girlfriend, even though we had been dating for a handful of years. I met the parents like a date in, like, come on now. So we really we were dating and then he left in January, and that was a really rough time in my life because I was in Australia the day that he left. Um wait. Australia random lore. I've got random lore.

SPEAKER_01 9:17

Okay, okay, so he left January of 2024 or five? Five, five, twenty twenty five. January of twenty twenty-five. How did you end up in Australia? I thought we were in Georgia.

unknown 9:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:31

So I my uncle lives in Australia, and okay, his wife lives there with him, and they have two kids, and these are my babies. Oh my gosh. I love these kids. I watched them grow up virtually, I watched them grow up FaceTime. And so, as like my senior trip, my dad took me to Australia. He was like, I want you to meet the kids. He figured that I was knowing Matthew's in the military, he figured I was gonna get buried in the very quickly, which he felt right. That's exactly what's gonna happen, Dad. So we decided before, you know, if I go to college, if I go somewhere, let me let me go see the kids. Let me go see my uncle and aunt in Australia. So we left Christmas morning. It was a very emotional Christmas Eve for me and Matthew, knowing this is gonna be the last time we saw each other. Um very, very emotional flight, 24-hour flight to Australia. And I was there for two and a half weeks.

SPEAKER_01 10:30

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 10:30

The day that he started basic training was the day that I flew home. And he started during that flight, so I never really had got the chance to have a proper goodbye. Yeah, so it was just a very, very hard time. I mean, I am so lucky that I went to Australia, but I was just so heartbroken the entire time. Yeah. And I miss those kids so much. I miss them soon. I just saw them in December because they went to America for the first time. Oh, that's so nice. They did not know we were coming home, so they were really excited to see me. But I miss them now again. I've gotta go back to Australia. I gotta go back. Yeah, no, you do. Yeah, but he left for basic training in January of last year. So we're a year in. Oh my god, it was just so hard. It was so hard to go back to school.

SPEAKER_01 11:20

Yeah. So I'm assuming that during that flight, that's when you were like, oh crap, this is what the military is like.

SPEAKER_00 11:31

It hit you. Yeah, that's when it got real. Because before that, I was like, oh, it's gonna be fine, it's gonna be fine. And I had gone from talking to this boy every single night of my life for or every single day for three, almost four years, falling asleep on FaceTime, even when we were just friends, watching TV shows together, stuff like that, seeing each other every day, to not being able to talk to him. Yeah, and his when he started basic training, it was rough. It was really rough because he was stuck in reception for almost a month. Of course, I can't contact him during that time. Yeah, yeah. Wow. So that meant his graduation got pushed back too, which was just killing me and killing me. So it was really rough trying to go back to school. My boyfriend, I can't talk to him. I um I have written letters to him day, every single day I wrote a letter to him. I couldn't send them though. I didn't have any letters while he was in reception. Oh my god. Yeah, it was really rough. But that first phone call I got a month in, that was I think the best phone call of my life.

SPEAKER_01 12:42

So was it did it come randomly, or was it more of so like he's gonna call and then how did you react? You were like, who's calling me right now? Or was it his phone?

SPEAKER_00 12:53

No, it was his phone. I was at work. I was at work, and I was like, I looked at my coworker and I was like, I'm so sorry, I gotta take this. And I ran out and immediately just started bawling my eyes out. I have I've got a screenshot of me just like red face, like oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 13:17

It was it was really dramatic on my part, but and at this time you guys were just boyfriend and girlfriend. You guys hadn't even gotten married yet. Wow. So he comes back from basic training and tech school, right? Because what branch is he in?

SPEAKER_00 13:34

So he so he's army infantry, so his was a little bit different. So he went through basic training, and then he got four days for his family weekend, and then he went off to AIT. And for his AIT, he also had no no phones, no phones. What? And that was longer than basic training.

SPEAKER_01 13:53

That's crazy. How long in general was the whole basic training to A school? Six months. Oh that's damn near your friend. That's damn near your first appointment, girl. Like that was oh my god, that's a yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:11

So he left Gainesville January 7th and returned to Gainesville June 23rd. That's how long it was. No, June 26th, sorry. June 26th. That's how long the spend was.

SPEAKER_01 14:24

So you weren't you weren't able to talk to him within those six months. How often did you guys like talk?

SPEAKER_00 14:31

So we were able to call once a week. Very short phone calls, though. Very, very, very short phone calls. And we were able to write letters, which is really nice. I I've saved all of them. I framed his first one, and we wrote pretty often. Like I wrote him every day. I wrote him every day. He got in so much trouble for that. Really? Uh yes, because they were like, Oh, what is for you again? Like, who cares? Uh my girlfriend loves me. Yeah, he was like, You can't send me letters every day. I'm getting flamed for them. But I was like, I don't care, I love you. And so I told him every day, and I would get letters from him once or twice a week. Oh, it was we kept up pretty good communication during it. It was just still hard to talk just through letters.

SPEAKER_01 15:19

Exactly. Very like 1800.

SPEAKER_00 15:23

Yeah, it was like my therapy because like throughout the day, I always had my notebook with me, and I wrote to him throughout the day. Just like my thoughts that I'm doing, all sorts of stuff. It was like a little diary almost. Aww. And like I had timestamps and all the things, and oh my god, it's really speech.

SPEAKER_01 15:40

He's probably he probably really enjoyed them at first, but then once he started receiving them every day, he was like, Hey, honey, you don't have to tell me that you got coffee for the third time.

SPEAKER_00 15:51

Yeah, he can't escape the app session. Let's be real.

SPEAKER_01 15:56

But you know what? Period.

SPEAKER_00 15:59

I gotta keep him on his toes, you know?

SPEAKER_01 16:01

He never exactly, never let them know your next mover.

SPEAKER_00 16:06

I know. Like I would send him like, because he didn't have TikTok. I would like screenshot memes that are trending and send him those with no context.

SPEAKER_01 16:16

Imagine you guys are getting no, imagine you guys are arguing over letters, and then one of the letters just says okay dot. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:26

Okay, one of my letters I sent him. It was just um a dog. So it was a picture of a dog that I found, and all I said was beep, and that's it. And he was like, What the heck did you send me? I obviously cannot get you a dog right now. Like he was so confused.

SPEAKER_01 16:44

You are so funny. That is so freaking. But to be honest, that's something that I would do too. So yeah, okay. So he comes home from basic training and AT school. Um the first time that you guys saw each other. How is that? Explain that.

SPEAKER_00 17:09

So tell me about that. I actually so I saw him when he graduated basic. I um skipped school and went down to go see him. Um, so that was it was really emotional. I um um I cried a lot. It was it was so weird seeing him. I mean, he had lost so much weight, his hair was gone, his mustache is gone, his beard is gone, like it was a completely new person, and I fell in love with him all over again. Like that feeling of like the butterflies in my stomach. I was like, holy crap, like yeah, this is this is my boy. And we spent the weekend together with his family, and his family, they love me. I I've never felt like I don't belong with his family, so they they took me with them, and that weekend, um, I'm still in my senior year, it was late February, I think it was like the weekend of April 1st. Um, we were in Columbus and we walked on the river. He was in his uniform because he had to be because he hated him. He was like, I gotta be in my uniform, babe.

SPEAKER_02 18:16

I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_00 18:17

But I was wearing this dress, we walked along the river, and it was sunset, and I was filming the video. I was filming an OTB because I thought we looked cute, like whatever. This is after basic. It was after basic before AT. Oh my gosh, okay, continue. And we proposed and I knew oh my god, if you saw it coming, how? I so we had talked about getting married beforehand, like going into this. I was like, you know, we're getting married, like you know that, right? And he goes, Yeah. And so we like talked about it a little bit. Um, I'm not gonna go into full detail of how much I knew, but I knew. And he um he proposed, and I cried my eyes out like a baby. And it was just so sweet. My diamond is actually my grandmother's diamond. Oh, I love that. What the freak? And it is the most beautiful ring ever. I've got a picture of it on my Instagram, it's got like these floral designs, and it's it's so beautiful, but I cried so hard. I mean, it was like even though I knew it was coming, it was nothing like I would have imagined.

SPEAKER_01 19:27

Really?

SPEAKER_00 19:28

I never imagined in a million years that I'd be 17 getting engaged, but that's crazy. Yeah, yeah, but not especially like I'm in the middle of my senior year.

SPEAKER_01 19:37

Exactly. It's not abnormal to hear though, like in the military community, it's really not abnormal to hear.

SPEAKER_00 19:43

And also, like my parents got married at the same age of us. His parents got married the same age as us, so it's not weird to me, it's weird to a lot of other people.

SPEAKER_01 19:54

Yeah, but to be honest, who cares?

SPEAKER_00 19:59

Who freaking cares? Yeah, we got engaged, we got Derek Green after that. In us fashion, we got Derek Green, and then we went back, um, and he had to leave the next day for a school. For high school. So we dropped him off and I went back to game school and it was rough. I will say it wasn't as rough as basic because I knew what I was going. I would knew what I was what was gonna happen. I was already in the routine. I was as soon as I got back, I immediately started writing again. Um however nothing changed. I know I did make the mistake of announcing our engagement on April's Fool's Day.

SPEAKER_01 20:40

Oh crap. So everybody thought that you were joking.

SPEAKER_00 20:45

Yeah. Oh my god. Especially because like I was in high school and no one really knew my fiance at the time, and so it was like, Yeah, well, then April Fool's Day passes, and everyone's like And then you don't clarify. Everyone's like, she hasn't taken out this post, like this is real, they got engaged, and the school blew up. I was like, Y'all got better things to worry about. I mean, everyone knew who I was. My poor brother was getting terrorized, he's a freshman in high school at this time. They're like, Your sister's the girl that got engaged at 17. Yeah, she is. Like, and that's all he said. Like, but I mean, people could not believe it. It was outrageous that I would get married at so young.

unknown 21:31

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 21:31

Like, people were like, Oh yeah, she's throwing her life away. A lot of people were this were saying, like, oh yeah, she's doing it for money. Why? Yeah, what money? We're on a military salary. Have you seen military salary? Yeah, no.

SPEAKER_01 21:45

What money? Maybe for maybe for housing and benefits, but no, still barely anything.

SPEAKER_00 21:52

Like, there is so expensive.

SPEAKER_01 21:56

Seriously, I'm telling you, that's crazy.

SPEAKER_00 22:00

Even people from I've lived all over Georgia. I've lived Atlanta, Southern Georgia on the coast, and I've lived in northern Georgia. Even people from southern Georgia were like, What what is she doing? People I haven't seen in seven years. Like it was ridiculous. All of Georgia was talking about your engagement. Yeah. Yeah. Um it was absolutely ridiculous. But that's during that time, that's when I found who my real friends were.

SPEAKER_01 22:26

Yeah. How did your parents react when when you told them that they were so happy?

SPEAKER_00 22:31

They they loved Matthew. They they they they love Matthew. They thought that this is the best boyfriend I've ever had. Um, they trust him. And like they know his parents pretty well because my my dad works with his mom. Oh, um another connection. Yeah, they were so happy for me, my grandparents were happy for me. Um, his parents were so happy. I mean, it was everybody that was close to us were just stoked. Like they were so happy and loving and caring and worked with me the best I could. Um, because during his AIT, it's the time that I had to plan a wedding by myself. That's crazy. Yeah. Um, I mean, he helped the he tried to help the best he could, but he couldn't really do anything. Right. From letters. Yeah. And it was very stressful because it kept going back and forth on whether he was gonna have time to come home afterwards. Like I did not know if we were even gonna have the wedding until a month before. Oh my gosh. So it was really, really, really rough. Um trying to plan the wedding.

SPEAKER_01 23:43

So you planned the wedding in high school. You planned it by yourself. When was the wedding and was he able to show up during the time that you guys set it up?

SPEAKER_00 23:57

So we did have the wedding. He graduated two days after I turned 18, and then our wedding was on July 5th, so about a week later. Okay, good. And it ended up being a very beautiful wedding. We had it in the chapel, the chapel of the church that my dad preaches. We got the space. Um, I wore my mother's dress that fit me perfectly.

SPEAKER_01 24:19

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 24:20

It's like you're like a little princess. What the fuck? Yeah, and everything, I mean, everything just came together. All of our family came, all of our friends that really loved us came. We got Brad's maids, we got the Grimmsmen, we had my pianist do our music. Um, I mean, it was beautiful. The only thing we didn't do is we didn't have a reception. We're not very big, like out party. Yeah. So I mean, we had cake, and my friend's mother made the most beautiful cake for us. I mean, it was a beautiful, like the naked cakes where it just barely frosted and have flowers on. Yeah. And we have banana pudding as well because we love banana pudding. Um that's what we did. We just had the cake and then everyone left. And we went up to Asheville for the weekend. Oh, that's nice. Well, the military's kicked us over because they said, Hey, you gotta come in to recruiting to do some work on that Monday. Um, wait. And so we had what it was, so we got married on a Saturday and recruiting said, Hey, you gotta come show up on Monday morning. And we were like, oh crap. So we left very, very, very early Monday morning, drove four hours home. He got there, and recruiting said, Hey, we don't really need you. What the freak? Yeah, and we were very upset. Very, very, very upset. Wow. We would love to do our honeymoon over again.

SPEAKER_01 25:46

I think we go once he actually gets absolutely go somewhere nice, like freaking, I don't know, overseas, like Japan or Italy or somewhere cool. So, what was the hardest what what was harder than you expected?

SPEAKER_00 26:03

This is an easy one. The separation anxiety after he came home, it was rough. Like, I'm really terrible. I didn't want him to leave for 20 minutes to you know go get gas down the street. I was like, I haven't seen you in four months. Um, and to this day, it's I mean, it was rough. When I first moved here, um, amazing Colorado, yeah. Um, it was amazing. And then we started getting into the field trainings, and those were very rough. I mean, I was having panic attacks, like I couldn't do it. I was like, I don't like it. Why are you leaving? I was it was just really rough. Um, because I was like just falling into this bad habit of being like, I can't live without you, you know, I can't be here without you. Um, and it has gone better. It the more you go through times apart, the easier it gets to figure out how to manage your life when he's gone. Absolutely. Um, and so like I said, he's been gone for a week and I've been okay. I've done things to just keep myself busy. Um, therapy really helped with that. I've always been afraid to do therapy, but I like came to the conclusion I was like, I need I need to do therapy, and it's been amazing helping with that. Um, but separation anxiety in general, when your husband or your spouse or your boyfriend when they first get back from training, it's it's bad. I feel like that's an across the board thing.

SPEAKER_01 27:29

Absolutely, exactly. It you remind me a lot of when my husband and I first started dating and when we first got married. We've been married for uh five years, but we've been together for seven. So when the separation anxiety is definitely so spot on because he would go on a lot of TDYs, which is out, you know, he would go out with his dogs or whatever, because he trains dogs, and he would go to like random states or whatever the freak for a couple days to a week or even two weeks, however long the TDY was. And so whenever he would get the orders to go, I would get so irrationally angry. I'm like, and it's not his fault. But since he was the one going, like I would be so angry, like, you're leaving me again. Then, like you said, I went to therapy and I realized that it's not him against me or me against him, it's us against the problem. The problem is that he goes out, that's his job. That is his job. He does not choose to go. You choose to stay, and now you have to figure out a way to manage that, right? Because separation anxiety and anxiety and depression is more deep rooted than just your spouse or your significant other leaving for a couple of days. Like it's more deep-rooted. It's things that us as people need to work on and acknowledge, and that's something that therapy definitely helps with. And of course, time with your significant other and maturity and everything along those lines, all coupled up together, right?

SPEAKER_00 29:24

Yeah for me, the anger would hit like a couple days in. I'll be like, what? Why are you not here? What the heck? That I said I hate your leadership. I hate everything. Yeah, and then afterwards, I'd be like, I'm really sorry that I said that. I didn't mean anything I said.

SPEAKER_01 29:39

Yeah, I'm so sorry. No, that like I said, it's like it's all about, you know, growing with your partner, growing within yourself, finding yourself, and finding things to do. Because being a military spouse is so freaking hard. Like it is. Like you have to revolve your round, you have to revolve your life around another being. You choose to do it, right? Because you love them, and of course, you know, everything else that comes with it. However, it's so like it's so it's not just black and white to where to where I'm a military spouse. These are the things that I'm responsible for accepting and for doing whenever my spouse is away or whenever my spouse is here and their leadership is just going crazy. No, it's not just it's not just that black and white. It's it's very, there's so many great areas. You can't take the humanity out of it, you know. So with that being said, what was that what was what was easier than you expected?

SPEAKER_00 30:48

Gosh, nothing's easy in this channel. Um adapting a change has been surprisingly easy for me. Like I thought that like moving up here, being all by myself. Um, I thought that was gonna be so hard. And it was. I mean, it really, really was hard for the first like month or two. And then I got into my group. Like I work on my own. I'm in college online, so I do the same thing. I go and I do my work, I read, I watch TV, I go to this cafe, and I just made a life for myself. Um, which identity is something that military spouses struggle with a lot. You mentioned that. Um, that was something I struggled with so much when I first moved here. Like my identity was my husband.

SPEAKER_01 31:36

Yep. Finding yourself has to be one of the hardest things to do as an individual, but even so as a military spouse. Because, like I said before, you're revolving your life around this individual whose life is could it it's literally like get up and go all of the freaking time. And so now you have to adjust to that lifestyle, but in the mix of it, you have to find yourself as well. So it's like so many layers to being a military spouse as a whole. But yeah, that's crazy. I'm glad that change came easy to you. A lot of us are a lot of us are not like that. A lot of us are, which is why we choose this life in general. But a lot of us, it makes it really, really difficult. So I'm so happy that you, as young as you are, and as early on in your military marriage and in in general, like this is coming really easy to you from the beginning. It's usually really hard at first. So I'm really happy for you.

SPEAKER_00 32:41

I think the biggest thing that like was like was like, okay, yeah, I can do this, is just putting myself out there. Like I realized, like, if I'm not, if I'm gonna stay in my shell, nothing's gonna get better. And so creating social groups, hanging out with people, forcing myself to hang out with people. Yeah, that's how really it was like, okay, I can do this, I can make friends. I created my own social group. Um, we've gained 60 members, we hang out twice a month. Just that's young adult women that want to hang out in the springs, and that's what we do. We don't have any require. Yeah. And that's how creative friendships, and it's just really enabled me to be okay with the change. Wait, what's the knowing that I grew up myself off there? It's the Colorado Springs Coffee Group. You can find it on Facebook. Um, we just meet at coffee shops around the springs twice a month or um on the weekends and just hang out and drink coffee and have fun.

SPEAKER_01 33:38

Oh, that's so nice. Anybody that's listening that's in Colorado Springs right now, you already know where to find your people. If you're a young military spouse or even a military spouse in general, go ahead and check them out. All right. So, do you feel like you've changed since becoming a military spouse as an individual?

SPEAKER_00 33:59

Oh, yeah. Like, I feel like I matured so much because I've I've had to. Like, yeah, I'm 18, I've been forced. Like, I I not forced, I chose I'm living on my own. I have an apartment, I've got a job, and I got upset, I got married, I drove across the country by myself. Insane. Like, yeah, that whole having to move here by myself is crazy. Um, but yeah, I've just been forced to go from I'm a high school student, I'm talking crap about everybody. I I talk some crap. Yeah, just being a teenager. Yeah, I'm involved in all this drama, I'm going to parties, all sorts of stuff, to I'm married, living on my own across the country. I don't have my parents to help me. I don't like have I can't just go over to my friend's house and be like, hey, let's just go hang out. Like, I've got to become an adult very quick. Um, and I've always had a very mature personality, more mature than my other friends. I forgot you were 18 for like this whole episode. Yeah. Like, I'm not gonna try to say it in like an egotistical way, it's just I've act a lot more mature than a lot of 18-year-olds because I've had to be in that position. Of course. Um, so yeah, just changing to being a high schooler to living on my own, married, has this like different person. I mean, everyone that you can ask, if you ask anyone that knows me, I mean I've become a complete different person since I've moved up here. Not in a bad way. I think in a good way, 100%.

SPEAKER_01 35:32

Yeah, you've taken you've just blossomed into this new version of yourself. And I think that's exactly what life is in general. The same, the person that you are right now is not gonna be the same person that you are going to be five years from now, and and and then on and then on and then on. Girl, when I was 18 years old, I was dumb. Like I I was an idiot. Like I would be running around town, like I used to be dumb, and so I marriage was so far from my train of thought, and like like you said, when you're a freaking teenager, all you want to do is just be stupid, go to parties, freaking be with boys. That's exactly what I was doing when I was 18. Yeah, and 19 and 20 until I met my husband. So I think that you being so young and just carrying yourself in a very mature light speaks a lot about you as a person and about how military life just changes people for the better. And I think that's such a that's beautiful, beautiful way to, you know, look look at it for anybody listening and or watching our episode. If you get married, yeah, that's okay.

SPEAKER_00 36:51

Yeah, so no, it definitely is okay, but you have to be mature enough for it. There's a lot of people.

SPEAKER_01 36:56

I know it might be like you could not absolutely absolutely it takes a certain type of person to do the things that you're doing and do the things that we do as military spouses. You've handled a lot of things so far. What is the one thing that you're most proud of?

SPEAKER_00 37:16

Gosh. Um probably dealing with the hate. Like the hate was something that really affected me early on. Who was hating on you? So when I first got engaged, a lot of hate, a lot of mean people. And then we got married. Um, I went viral on TikTok for our wedding. Um, and just the amount of people trying to be like, oh yeah, you're not gonna like we'll see you in a couple years, you'll be divorced, you'll, you know, you this is a trashy wedding, this is rushed. Oh, of course he's in the military, da-da-da-da-da. Like, you're doing this for the benefits. It was very rude. And I mean, people love to judge before they know the full story. Always. That's like the favorite thing. Oh, yeah. And even people I know, I could name a lot of people that love to judge without thinking. Um, but like literally just being like, okay, whatever. Like, you're not gonna have the same life as me, you're not gonna understand. Like being able to go from I used to be the person that was like, oh, you don't like me? Like, oh my god, like I I hated being hated. I I I was a people pleaser. Like, I was like, I've gotta do everything to make people like me. And then to go from that to being like, I don't give a what you say to me.

SPEAKER_01 38:40

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 38:41

Like, I really don't. You can say whatever you want. I it's I've got my own life and you've got yours. Like that, that was something I I've been really proud of, as well as being able to stand up for myself um since I moved here, um, especially in regards to medical stuff. Yeah. Um, TriCare has been rough, but it has its benefits. It does. It does. Causing me to get the help that I need. Um, I'm so happy for you. And I mean, we were so worried we are not gonna be able, we were not gonna be able to afford the help that I needed, but it's coming at a very low cost for us, and it's it's something we've been so grateful for. Um, but it took a lot of standing up for myself and self-awareness and being like, okay, I need to do this.

SPEAKER_01 39:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 39:31

Um, and that's not something I would have done a couple years ago.

SPEAKER_01 39:35

So, as for TRICARE and the help that you need, you had mentioned that you have a condition. Do you want to touch on it? And how did TRICARE assist you with that?

SPEAKER_00 39:47

Okay, so um TRICARE for me was super easy to manage. That's not the case for everybody. Um, where I'm at, because there's three different military bases in Colorado Springs, um, we have a lot of areas that take TriCare. Um, however, managing TriCare with endometriosis was hard because a lot of places here I couldn't get in. I could not get in to see a doctor. I was on a six-month waiting period. Um, and it got to the point where I was like, I know my body, I know I can't take this anymore. Like I've got to see somebody. Yeah. Um, so I spent a couple of weeks looking for a doctor that would take tri care. Um, I managed to find a place about an hour away that takes tri care. And I went in and I said, hey, this is what I'm dealing with. I've gone to four other doctors. No one's helped me. Everyone's been like, oh, you know, you're it's all in your head, which is what a lot of people hear. Um and I've gone on medication, I've gone on all sorts of things, and nothing works. So I was like, I walked in, I said, Hey, this is this is what I'm feeling. I need help. And they with TRICARE, I'm able to go for cheat. Um, and TriCare works very, very well with this. Um, when we started talking about surgery to remove endometriosis, there was a worry because TRICARE Um you have to code in the system that this is a medical necessity in regards to surgery for TriCare would accept it. But thankfully, because my case is as severe as it is, it is. Um, it was something that we needed to do as soon as possible.

SPEAKER_01 41:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 41:32

Along with we're not only removing an immuteurosis, we're checking that I because I have abnormal growth. I have all sorts of stuff that I could be removing things and it could become dangerous very quick. Um but tricare has just been such a blessing because I'm having the surgery for$50. Like we were we were so worried. Crazy. No, we were worried we weren't gonna be able to pay for it. We worried that I was gonna have to stay in this pain, and you know, and Matthew, even he Matthew's my husband, he um sees how much pain I am and it it hurts him. Like he wants me to get the help that I need because of how bad it is. Um, and doctors, unfortunately, there's not enough information or research about endometriosis at all. There isn't. No, you can't see it on ultrasound, you can't see it on anything. Really, the only thing to diagnose endometriosis is surgery. Surgery. Surgery is your only option. Doctors, a lot of doctors will say, Hey, uh, get pregnant and your pain will go away for nine months. But in some cases, it's gonna be really hard to get pregnant with endometriosis. That's not the case for everybody. That's not the case for everybody. A lot of girls with endometriosis do have surgery or do have kids. Um but depending, it's a case-by-case basis.

SPEAKER_01 42:52

It really is. I have a couple of friends, like I mentioned before, before we started our podcast, that um that also have endometriosis, and my friends have children, but endometriosis has definitely affected their lives in such a drastic way. Um they learn how to essentially move forward uh after surgery and after all of the medical procedures and stuff like that, as women. And I think that's like the most empowering thing because I see them and they're so happy, but then on the inside, like I know that they have endometrios, and I know how painful they are it is and how life-changing it can be. So, as for military life, let's shift gears a little bit. Has the military life affected your relationship in any way?

SPEAKER_00 43:50

Oh, yeah. I mean, it's been hard on our relationship. Like, I'm not gonna sugarcoat it. Yeah. The first, you know, the first year, the first couple of years. Um, I mean, we have been to deployments or anything yet, but it's it's been hard. Um you you really have to learn to communicate to be in a military relationship. I mean I see so many women on Facebook that we're like oh I hate my husband. I mean we don't ever talk. There's your answer. That's why he cheated on with you with three women in Vietnam. Like I saw a I saw a post like that last week. So it happens. It does happen. You really gotta learn how to communicate and thank God me and Matthew were always so so good at communicating. I mean even before we were dating we were we were very good about that. We've had our ups and downs since you know getting married. But it's gotten so much better since we've learned how yeah we've learned how to be apart we've learned how to um be married that was that was a struggle like learning how to live together never lived with a man like this like um learning that things are so unexpected I mean you're not gonna know things till they happen right like for example he was out on the field back in October I didn't know he when he was coming home until the day he told me he was out there for two and a half weeks um like just it was rough but it's been so good for our relationship. That's awesome I don't know where we would be without the military.

SPEAKER_01 45:27

It makes you guys stronger I always have I always make this a point you got to like your partner you got to like them as a person before you marry them because if you love somebody all day that don't mean you like them right yeah you like them it's more of so think of it this way if you have kids and somebody says oh my god they remind me so much of your husband would you be proud or would you be like yeah so lucky if it's the latter then girl you gotta reevaluate it yeah you better get out yeah no because honestly liking somebody and loving somebody is so different because as you grow as a couple love becomes a choice I'm not saying that you'll fall fall out of love absolutely you don't it's more of so like you choose each other every single day every single opportunity every single like argument every single disagreement you choose each other at the end of the day and that's when I say love becomes a choice and you have to make sure you like the person to continue to choose them. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 46:40

Yeah so that's why a lot of people are like well why why'd you move like if you're if you're miserable why'd you why'd you you know marry a military man well he's my best friend like exactly I mean I mean he is the person that has been there for me through thick and thin I I've told everyone I would not be alive today if Matthew was not my partner. Like if I didn't have Matthew in my life I wouldn't be alive and same goes for him if I wasn't his partner I really don't think he would be alive because he we have both struggled through a lot he has struggled through so much more than me like I I am so proud of him every day um for the man he's become um but I follow him because I mean I love him. Like I'm like this is what he wanted to do. So therefore I will I will be there for him. And he still supports me day after day on my dreams of owning a gym. He still wants to own a he's starting college soon to help me make this gym to make my dream a reality um he sports me so much and he's my best friend I love him and he loves me and you you've gotta have that like best friend relationship if you're gonna be in a military relationship.

SPEAKER_01 47:52

Absolutely he has to be or they have to be your number one supporter your number one best friend everything obviously they don't have to freaking go to the mall with you they they don't have to have the same likes or dislikes as you just as long as you can literally sit on the couch scroll on your phone and just be so comfortable with each other you know what I mean like and they make you laugh because humor is a big thing.

SPEAKER_00 48:24

Humor is a really big thing ladies okay but with that being said what keeps you grounded whenever it gets hard well god I mean really like my family and friends are the best I have the best support system in the world even from 2,000 miles away um my my friend Haley I love her I love her to pieces we call almost every day I tell her everything things that she probably doesn't care about. She tells me things that I sometimes don't care about but I love we kind of talk to each other. Yeah like I just called her this morning and she was like I was like or she called me and I was like do you did you need something she goes I just want to talk and talk and that just keeps me grounded like I have friends here but my friends at home compare to nobody my family I call them multiple times a week I call his family multiple times a week they grounded even when Matthew's not here he can't talk to me like I know I have so many people that I can just call up and I'm blessed enough to be able to fly home a lot um just like when he's on the field for a handful of weeks I'm I'm able to fly home because I work virtually I'm in school virtually um that's awesome you work from home at such a young age that's ridiculously awesome what the fuck yeah it's it's it's been so amazing when I think about it like I wouldn't if I worked in person at you know a freaking grocery store or something even if it's like a part-time job I would not be able to go home like I do um and I I'm just very very very blessed with the opportunities that I get and I always take Lewis home at all because I don't want to leave him here behind so my cat is one of my biggest my biggest blessings as well he's still I love him I know I've had Levy since well I've had Levy since he was four months old and now he's eight look at him slumped over look at him I know Lewis is asleep too that is the cutest thing ever I love that for you I am oh that's so nice that's so nice you're so blessed okay so what is something that you wish somebody would have told you before getting into this life there's so many things oh my gosh I literally I made a post um a couple months back about things that I didn't know going into um a military spouse relationship and that that had a a lot of um comments of girls that are in military relationships one the separation anxiety which we talked about I did not realize it was going to be so bad I thought he was gonna get home from AIT and things were gonna be perfect back to normal now another thing is a lot of people what they don't tell you about moving or PCSing is the military sucks at helping military sucks the military did not move my things i we were sleeping on the bear mattress for three months um they also did nothing to help Matthew they kicked him out of the barracks within a week because he was married and he was homeless and that's why I had to go drive up and we stayed in Airbnb until we found a place to live because that's crazy and then and we can't live on base because there's a two year wedding period. Yep so the military is really bad about helping we're still like the military is still taking pay out of ours for charging him to eat on base which he lives off of base. Why are we getting charged for that and they're not helping him like so the military sucks with communication or helping yeah very disorganized. Oh yeah and I feel like there's one more thing that was like super big I mean I guess all the the last minute things I mean I went in thinking I'm gonna be ready for anything like I'm I mean no no I find out a day before he leaves he finds out a day before he leaves that normal yeah like normal for the military girl it's so like no one told me that but now I've learned like literally I tell myself all the time like hurry up and wait or expect the worst hope for the best like every day I I worry I'm like he's gonna come home and tell me something and then he doesn't it's a great day I can tell when he walks through these doors now that he's gonna tell me he's about to leave it because we got bad news he hates going out more than I hate him going out that's usually how it goes. Yeah so what are you what are you uh most hopeful about in this journey all right I what I'm most hopeful about is my son Christian when he gets out we have so many things waiting for us I mean the VA home loan is gonna be great um we're set up that I mean he's planning to do guard when he's done with active so that we can have kids and not worry about like are we gonna go into debt yeah um he's set up he's gonna do the school so he'll be set up with jobs um our life after military it's gonna be hard to adjust but we have planned and I think the military is going to help us um really get back and be stable and live life.

SPEAKER_01 53:58

I mean when you are in the military you can't really live life like you should be doing um and we're just so excited to to live as a married couple a normal married couple yeah because our relationship is normal he's in four years right now and then he's doing um guard um which they all say four years so I really don't know yeah no my man said he was gonna do whenever he first got in he said because my husband's been in the military for 12 years so he's been in the Navy for 12 years when he said that he was gonna go in he said oh yeah four years four years is fine now he's a lifer we I really won't know what he wants to do until he does it but I know that even if he decides to stay I'm gonna support him it may not be my first but I'm gonna support him and it's an adventure it's an adventure the army military will take you places like the army has one of I think the army and the air force has so many bases all around the world like you could literally be in Spain next year or in Italy or in Japan.

SPEAKER_00 55:16

You know what I mean? Yeah so my friends and I'm gonna name drop Casey if you're listening hey girl um my friend her husband went to basic training with my husband and that's how I met her and her husband is stationed in Italy and they are living life right now.

SPEAKER_01 55:32

See so even if he doesn't get out or yeah even if he doesn't get out you can still make a life and live life as a military spouse and as a military couple you will literally explore so many different places and get to meet so many different people from all over the world you know like so many people all around the world.

SPEAKER_00 55:52

So I think that's one of the most exciting things oh yeah like about this military even as a spouse they present you with opportunities you've never thought I mean I never thought I would live in Colorado like I thought I would be in Georgia my entire life. The people I've met since living here never thought like one of my friends Rosie um that I just had dinner with last night I never like if I if it wasn't for the military I would have never met her and I think she's an amazing girl. I don't know that much about her because we just we really just met but I hope to know more about her um like this group I never would have started this group if it wasn't for the military. I never would have put myself out there like the military presents you with so many opportunities but you got to be willing to take them.

SPEAKER_01 56:34

Exactly and you gotta you gotta be informed about them as well because I think that's one of the biggest things too that we have so many resources but since this community is so isolated none of us really know about any of the resources until we literally like dig and find them. So it's kind of nice when you know somebody tells you about something you didn't even know like the USO they have like oh yeah my favorite yeah you know like cooking classes for free they have yoga classes for free they have so many resources that help military spouses and yeah girl what the freak so many new things so if you said send if you can send one message to a brand new military spouse just like yourself listening what would what what would that message be oh gosh you got you gotta be confident in yourself like you can do things that you don't think you can do I know when I went in I was like I can't I can't handle it I can't there's too much you can you have to learn to be yourself you have to have an identity and you have to learn to be confident in your relationship.

SPEAKER_00 57:44

Communicate like if you're not confident with your your spouse in the military it's it's gonna be rough it's I'm not saying it's not achievable but it's it's gonna be so rough you got to trust in your spouse know that he's not like here he she they're not you know doing this to hurt you they're not doing this to hurt you. And that's one of the biggest things is oh he they're leaving me no they're not doing it on purpose you know like most of the time they don't want to do it. Exactly they don't even want to do it themselves girl you just you just gotta learn to grow with yourself and be confident in yourself and your yourself. It's it's it's rough but it does get better.

SPEAKER_01 58:28

It does that's so beautiful okay to uh wrap this up I have three would you rather questions okay are you ready okay all right so would you rather go okay would you rather unpack immediately after a PCS meaning like you are literally opening boxes as they're putting them inside your house or live out of those boxes for three months listen if someone didn't live with any furniture for three months I'd rather rip those boxes open give me my stuff back oh god that was horrible that would be worst that is so freaking fun I think I'm the same way I think I'd rather unpack everything uh on in one go I'm the type to be like okay I gotta get this taken care of right now or else I'm gonna lose my mind yeah yeah all right question number two would you rather go or go through a long deployment or multiple TDYs probably multiple TDYs because I mean we've already done that and it's so much easier to be like all right it's like what two weeks and then I'll see him again and even though I know he's leaving again at least I'll see him again rather than a long deployment where I'm like where when am I gonna see him again? That's true. Last question before we wrap this up would you rather be understood by civilians such as the people that were giving you hate on your TikTok page or be supported by military spouses I mean probably military spouses because civilians will never they'll never understand but the only way military spouses like the only way I realized I wasn't crazy is realizing that other other military spouses feel the same way.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:41

Absolutely I'd rather have a great community of girls and girls or anybody that is going through the same thing as me rather than try to have civilians who don't understand understand me. That's true.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:56

Yeah even my best friends like they try so hard to understand and they do an amazing job but I know they'll never fully understand like a military spouse will you know exactly and it makes me so it makes me laugh so hard when they're like well my husband's in college like and my boyfriend's in college a couple miles or a couple miles away like I don't see him but like on the weekends on the weekends you want to talk about long distance you wanna talk about well thank you so much Kaylee for being on this episode of Bass Buddies and sharing your beautiful story and thank you for joining us in this episode of Bass Buddies. If you find value in this episode please don't forget to like share and subscribe and join us for our next episode bye guys