You Asked… I Answered | Military Spouse Q&A

In this solo episode of Base Buddies, I’m sharing my personal journey as a military spouse how it started, what this lifestyle has really been like, and the parts no one really prepares you for.

I’m also answering questions from you guys from relationships and identity to navigating constant change and starting over.

If you’ve ever felt alone in this life or just want a real, honest perspective… this episode is for you. 🤍

Base Buddies is a space for military spouses to feel seen, supported, and understood because military life doesn’t come with a guidebook.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:08

Hello! Hi! Hello! Welcome to another episode of Bass Buddies. I'm your host, Lei. As you can probably already tell, I don't have a guest today. Today is a very special episode, and my guest is myself. This is so long overdue. I feel like I have interviewed so many military spouses out there that have incredible stories, but I haven't really shared mine. So let's get to it. If you follow us on social media, you probably already know that I asked you guys to ask me some questions and I received so many intriguing questions. So let's get to it. So why did I start Base Buddies podcast in the first place? When I first became a military spouse, I didn't have a support system, nor did I have people that I could rely on, or nor did I have people who were going through the same thing that I was. So if I could be who I wish I had during that time and bring, give military spouses a platform to essentially share their stories in a way that it could resonate with someone else that's listening, then that's that that's the main goal. Be who you wish you were in the times that you needed it the most. And if somebody listens to my podcast and resonates with somebody's story, then that's the whole purpose as to why I started it in the first place. Did I actually think that this podcast was gonna become something? I came in with an idea that this is what military spouses needed. This is what I needed. This is what a lot of my friends, when I talked to them about the the idea of Bass Buddies and the idea of starting a podcast and my reasoning behind it, all of my fellow military spouse friends agreed. I didn't start it with the intentions of thinking that this podcast is gonna blow up overnight, I'm gonna be rich, I'm gonna be famous, I'm gonna be doing all these things from day one. That that's not my intention behind it. I knew that starting a podcast was gonna take time. I knew that wanting a platform and even having a platform was gonna take some time. I knew that monetary gain was not an option. Um, so yeah, monetary gain is not an option. As of right now, I knew that everything was just gonna take time. So, do I think that this podcast is obviously going to become something? Of course I do. Uh, as of right now, we have so many loyal supporters, and as of right now, we have a bunch of different listeners from all around the world. So slowly but surely, Bass Buddies is becoming a household name, which is exciting. But did I think that it was gonna become something? Honestly, if I could just help one person every day, that's really my goal. Um, if it becomes something bigger, then that's uh that's wonderful, but uh, I mean, whatever happens, happens. I always leave. I always I always hope for uh how do I say this? I always wish for the best. Always a glass half full, if that makes any sense. So we'll see. I'm the type of person to be a glass half full. So am I delusional to think that Bass Buddies is gonna be like the next call her daddy? Maybe. But as of right now, like I said, we have so many loyal followers and so many loyal listeners and so many people that are so amazing and so supportive towards Bass Buddies. I mean, if it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, that's totally fine too. I really, you know, I got this question a lot. So, where am I from? I am from originally from Puerto Rico. I was born and raised in Puerto Rico, Spanish is my first language, and English is my second language, but I also grew up uh speaking English. And so I went to a bilingual school and everything. Uh, but I was partially raised in Florida. I know if you're a loyal listener and you listen to uh all of the podcasts, I dabble, I I tell my story a little bit. I tell my story a little bit on the first episode, not gonna lie, where I was sitting with Teresa and we were just talking about a whole bunch of different stuff. So how did I meet my husband? Oh my god. So I met my husband on Tinder. I met him on Tinder, he was actually my first wipe. Can you can you even imagine? Okay, so after I uh okay, I got out of a really bad recap or whatever back uh back in the day, and so I decided to download Tinder girl, because you know, I'm gonna download Tinder, you know what I'm saying? And so I downloaded Tinder, and I guess I had a type because I saw his profile and he had a uniform, he's in the navy, a uniform, and I thought he was okay looking, okay, looking okay, but then he had a dog. As if if you're new to this podcast, my husband, he's a can handler in the navy, and um he had a dog. I was like, oh my god, the dog is cute. Swipe left or swipe right? I don't know, swipe right, and we matched, and he's super like me. Oh my god, he's super like Neil. I was like, oh my gosh. And then we were talking on Tinder for about like a week or so, and then we decided to meet at the beach. We decided to meet at the beach, and when I saw that man, I was like, oh my god, you like reverse catfished me. You are not good at taking pictures at all. I was like, oh my god, he's so fun. I was like, oh my god, he's so fine. Shut up, and so I didn't go by myself, y'all. I didn't go by myself, I went with some friends, and then coincidentally, his friends like my friends, and then we all became friends. What the heck? We all like like obviously I started dating my husband, and then my other friends decided to date like his friends, so we became like a group. We're the only ones at last not without any, like, you know, not without any. We we're not perfect, or we weren't perfect by any means, but yeah. Okay, did I ever picture myself being a military spouse? Did I ever picture myself did I ever picture myself being a military spouse? Uh no, I pictured myself joining the military, but it didn't work out for me. So, or sorry, I pictured myself being in the military, actually, but I uh did not I changed my mind a couple of times. And so I didn't even like see myself being a military spouse at all until I met my husband. As soon as I met my husband, that man, literally like a week or two into it, this is definitely heavy military fashion. He was like, You're gonna be my wife, you're gonna be my wife, you're gonna be my wife. And I was like, Oh my god, this guy's crazy. I was like, he's insane, he's a psychopath, he's gonna kill me. Um no, he wasn't. He just knew exactly what he wanted, and it was really weird. As he should okay, what was my first impression of military life? So my my first impression of military life was man, this is hard. And it's not because of it's not because of the moving. It's more of so about the people that you leave behind, right? The people that you leave behind, the life that you leave behind, the career that you leave behind, and the starting over. Right? It's always at the at the start. The start is always hard. When we moved to Washington State after he came back from Bahrain, I was that was the first time that I moved away from anybody. Like I moved away from my family, I moved away from my friends, I moved away from basically everything that I that I knew. Everything that I knew. And it was I you have no idea how many times I was crying like in the kitchen or just having random outbursts of just longing for my old life back. Not that I regret ever moving away or that I regret ever taking part of this life. This life is an adventure, an adventure that has positively changed my life. However, you can you can mourn your own mourn your old life while also enjoying the life that you're currently having. And that was my first impression. The reality of it is that time heals. Time is absolutely one of the best things that life has offered me as a military spouse and a lot of my fellow military spouse friends. Time heals, time essentially gives you the opportunity to find the resources that you need in order to excel in this life. Um, the pain, the mourning does not last forever. It really doesn't. The more you do it, or the more that you stay somewhere, the more you get comfortable, the more that you find yourself. And then after the two to three to four years is up, you get to do it all over again. And starting is the hardest part. Finding new people, finding a new support system. You always have people around you no matter what. The people that you left in your previous on your previous base, they probably left to another base as well. And guess what? They're always gonna have that even though they're states apart or even countries apart, they're still gonna have your back because you already made those bonds. At the end of the journey, you're gonna have friends all over the world. So I think that's probably the most beautiful thing. So, what's something about military life that most civilians do not understand? You didn't choose this life, this life chose us. You don't choose who you fall in love with. You fall in love with a person, you don't fall in love with their career path. Yes, you can choose and make those boundaries of like, hey, I'm not gonna marry a military man, but you can't you can't choose who you fall in love with. You can't you don't choose that at all. And I hope that a lot of people understand that. In theory, yes, we did sign up to be a military spouse, in theory, on paper, but that does not take away the human aspect of things, it does not take the emotional toll that it brings on people, loneliness epidemic that us as spouses face when our service members are away, especially now with what's going on in the world. I think that right now we need to unite more than ever. So why does so why does the military expect you to move your entire life in two weeks and be emotionally stable about it? I don't think that they think that I don't think that the military cares about someone's emotional state, and you know what? That's totally valid. I mean, they just need a service member to be where they are. If you look at it from a civilian's eye, the the military is just a big corporation, they're just a number. They don't really care about the the individual's emotional state or the family's emotional state or anything along those lines. They just care about said service member being at said command at said time. We get paid to essentially move every two to three years. I think that's pretty freaking cool. But no, the military doesn't care about emotional. What's the most unhinged thing I've seen in the military spouse Facebook group? Cheating husbands, cheating wives. I've seen other spouses complain about other spouses having too many kids. I've seen um a spouse and the mistress like just fighting on the comment section. I'm just like, oh my god, why? I'm just like, whoa. Oh, and I've seen a lot of military spouses ask like for divorce advice anonymously. I'm like, girl. I just think that sometimes military spouses use uh Facebook groups as like a personal diary. Okay, like a personal diary, and there's no filter or anything along those lines. I would like to let you know though, that if you are posting on Facebook anonymously, um the admin the admins can't see what you're posting, like who you are. Oh, and I've also seen a lot of military spouses disclosing their deployed husbands location, like overseas. And I'm like, oh my god. Ladies, don't do that. The only reason why I'm telling you is because the internet is vast, okay? The internet is public, and internet is accessible throughout the entire world, and right now we're going through a lot of different changes, and we're going through a war. Honestly, I'm just gonna speak plainly. We're going through a war right now, and we don't want people that we don't want we don't want people to have our spouse's location, okay, especially overseas. We don't want that, okay? So, just a disclaimer don't be posting your spouse's location on uh social media, TikTok, or Instagram. If you need to vent about your spouse's location, tell a friend. Don't tell the internet. What's the hardest part about being a military spouse that no one talks about? The hardest part about being a spouse is obviously finding a job every two to three years. We already know that. You have to leave your career wherever you are, especially if you're um if your career requires a license, such as like a lawyer, a therapist. There are really good programs out there such as like Vertforce. It's just hard to find a job in general. Every time that you move, and then employers see the the the the gap on your resume, or they see uh just you being at different companies for X amount for one or two years at a time that thing. And then when you tell them you're a military spouse, obviously we're under a protected class, so they're not supposed to discriminate, but they do under different circumstances. So yeah, it's just hard in that in that perspective. It's just hard. And other than that, obviously deployments are hard because our significant others are away for uh X amount of time and we're not able to see them depending on where they are. We can we we can't essentially FaceTime them or have a regular communication aspect, you know, or have any type of regular communication that a normal couple would have on a day-to-day basis, that you will be alone and that you will be the one to essentially take care of the household whenever they're gone. What's been the most chaotic moment since starting the podcast? I'm gonna be very honestly. Um, cancellations, those are definitely chaotic and very disheartening. Um, I haven't had many at all, but I've definitely had a few, and it's kind of sad because obviously I want everybody's stories to get out there, but it is what it is. Some people just change their mind, and that's okay. Who's been my favorite guest, or what's been my favorite moment so far, Gyra? I absolutely loved her. I loved having her on the podcast. She is such a vibe. Like, she is literally the sweetest person alive. She's so sweet, she's so caring, she's so funny. I really I want her on my podcast again. Michaela. Michaela from episode five, I think, is one of my dearest friends. Mina, she's one of my dearest friends. Oh my god, Alessia, all of them. I love all of them. What's been the weirdest or funniest DM I've gotten from someone who listens? I haven't gotten a DM or anything along those lines that would be weird, but one of my friends, she listens to the podcast and she's not even military affiliated, but she is so into it. She is such a big supporter, and she's the cutest thing in the entire world. She literally listens to every single episode, every single one. And she's she's just fascinated by the military life, she says. And she's just an angel. I love her. But that's pretty. Um, that's probably the funniest thing that I've encountered during this journey is that people that aren't even military affiliated come to me or just like send me a message, or they uh like they're around me and they listen to my podcast and they think that it's amazing. And that makes me really happy. Also, people all over the world just send me like really supporting messages, and I think that's I think that's pretty cool. Do I ever worry that no one will listen to this podcast? I am the type of person to overthink and overthink and overthink and overthink, but if I didn't think that something was going to be successful, I wouldn't, I wouldn't do it. I always look at the pros and cons until I'm 1000% sure where that nobody was gonna listen. I mean, yeah, but there's always that one person that does. And if I can make a difference, then so be it. That one person and I forever. So do military spouses actually like each other, or are we just all trauma bonded? Um, so I don't think that a lot of us like each other. And I don't know why. I really just don't know why. Uh there's such a common misconception that we're all dependas, and we're all wanting our husband's rank, and we all like just we're all just freaking stay-at-home moms that don't do anything. That's not true. I just think a lot of us need to find our tribe, need to find our support system, need to find people that we actually vibe with instead of just thinking that we're not gonna like each other based on certain circumstances. Um whenever you do find your people, you're definitely trauma bonded. Because you're going through the same thing. That's how you form friendship. That last forever. So, do I think that we just don't like each other? I think we just it's not that. I just don't think that we haven't found our people yet. We just haven't found our people yet. And that's okay. Life is life, and you get so many opportunities to find the people that you truly connect with. And that's why Base Buddies is here. Because if you maybe if you don't connect somebody from your from your base, maybe you can find someone that you connect with here and send them a quick message or whatever the case may be. You know? Like it's come on. Um, what's something in military culture people are too scared to say out loud? Um That's a really good question. What the heck? You guys are insightful. Um you guys are really insightful. Um something that people are way too scared to say out loud is that finding friendships is one of the hardest things. And this commun this community is so lonely. Like it it's so lonely. People talk about community this, community that, this is how we find support, this is da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. No, that's not the reality of things. 99% of the people that I've talked to come to new bases, and they literally have no idea where to turn to, how to make friends, or anything along those lines. But I think that's one of the main things is that people are so scared to talk about how hard making friends is as an adult and keeping them. And keeping them, like that's the most important part, just keeping friends in general. Where do I see bass buddies in five years? So base buddies is I see it uh I I see it growing, I see it evolving into something bigger than what it is. I'm currently in the process of evolving Bass Buddies, which is super exciting. Um and just reaching more people, um, and just being bigger than what it already is, and just branching out to different things and very excited to see where Bass Buddies is. Very excited to see where Bass Buddies is in five years and see how how it evolves and how it helps people and all that stuff. Alrighty, uh so coffee or energy drink, both both you can't tell me otherwise. Coffee in the morning, energy drink in the afternoon, thrifting or target, both. But if I have to pick one, Target. I'm sorry. I just haven't found a good thrifting shop, like at all. Like at all. I haven't found a good thrifting shop at all. Okay, so Japan or Italy? Japan. Japan, Japan. 100%. Though I've been to Italy, it's quite beautiful. It's it's extraordinary. But Japan. I've never been to, so I'll use a Japan. Uh introvert or extrovert. I'm an introvert by heart, extroverted by nature. I want to be everybody's friend, but my social battery drains so fast. Podcasting forever or retire retire rich. If I could be doing this and be rich at the same time, hell yeah! If Bass Buddies fails, what am I going to do? I don't have a plan B. I'm just gonna keep doing this for a very, very long time. If it's not doing as well as I would like to, then I'm just gonna ship gears and do something that will. Um, I don't know. Um, I just don't plan it. I just don't plan for it to fail. And it's not going to. Alrighty. Well, this is my first podcast solo episode. I hope I did well. Thank you so much for being a part of this journey. Whether you've been a listener from day one or you just found this podcast, this community means the absolute world to me. If you found value in this episode, please make sure to like, share, and subscribe. All right, guys. See you next time. Bye.