Base Buddies
Welcome to the Base Buddies Podcast — a cozy space for military spouses to connect, share stories, and swap advice. Whether you’re looking for laughs, guidance, or just a reminder that you’re not alone on this journey, we’ve got a seat at the table for you.
Base Buddies
I THOUGHT NATIONAL GUARD LIFE WOULD BE EASIER… I WAS WRONG | Kats Story
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
What happens when life feels paused while the person you love is away? In this episode, Kat opens up about the realities of being a National Guard fiancée, balancing a career in government service, navigating the loneliness of separation, and how a season that once felt like life standing still became an unexpected journey of rediscovering herself. We talk identity, resilience, military love, and the quiet sacrifices people don’t always see, plus the joy and anticipation of planning a wedding while counting down to his return. This is an honest conversation about growth in the waiting.
Hello everyone. Welcome back to another episode of Face Buddies. I'm your host, Lei. If you're new to this podcast, this is a Military Spouse podcast where we uh talk to military spouses all around the world and we share their stories and yet just connect with each other via shared commonality. Today I have a very special guest. All of my guests are special, but this is Mrs. Kat. Hi, Mrs. Kat. How are you?
SPEAKER_03Hello, I'm good. I'm good. So glad to be here.
SPEAKER_02Yay. I'm so glad that you decided to join us. So Kat is a brand new military fiance for the National Guard. And she's here to share her story on how it is to be a fiance and more importantly, a National Guard fiance and how that journey is affecting them or has benefited them in that way. So hi Kat. Can you tell me all about you? Who is Mrs. Kat? Tell me all about you. Absolutely.
SPEAKER_04So my name's Kat. I am currently living in Oklahoma. For everyone that doesn't know where Oklahoma is, because it's a flyover state, it's right above Texas. Originally from New York, I moved here in 2008. So I am technically more Oklahoman than New Yorker, but my roots are there. All of my family's there. I go back as much as often or as often as possible. As much as often. Oh well. As often as possible. So I've been living here. I graduated college and started teaching right out of college. I was in education for three years. I did coaching. I coached volleyball. I did a year-round. I did club. I did school. I did beach. I did private lessons and I coached boys and girls eight through 18. It was amazing. But I actually ended up in the government, which is where I am now. So I'm currently a contractor for the government. I'm an instructional systems specialist, which is a really fancy way of saying that I aid subject matter experts in their instructional strategies. So, more specifically, aviation instructors, they're really good at knowing how to fly a plane, but maybe sometimes they need a little bit of support with delivering that material. So that's kind of where I step in. So I've been in that role for about seven months, and I'm super on fire for it. It's very different than you know, teaching in a public setting, public school, but I mean, pedagogy's still there, still really enjoy it. So that's I think that's it. That's all I can really think about.
SPEAKER_02That's amazing. Oh my god. So how did you and your spouse meet?
SPEAKER_04So my fiance's name is Gabe. Me and Gabe met back in college. We were working at Lowe's. Shout out to Lowe's, Mr. Matchmaker. We uh his first day I saw him and I liked what I saw. So I approached him. We kind of started talking. We were really good friends. We never really got together in college. And then fast forward a couple years, we actually reconnected. Wow. Yeah, whenever he was actually down in my city, because he lives in Tulsa, which is far. I fast forward a couple years. He was actually in my town in my city for maps, and we ran into each other and we kind of reconnected, and it was love at refer sight, I guess. Oh my god. We started dating and we got engaged, and yeah, here we are.
SPEAKER_02Oh my god, what made you fall in love with him? Oh, I hate to admit this. Oh my gosh.
SPEAKER_04I he is the funniest person I've ever met. His humor, I swear, like whenever I was single, I was like, I just I need to find a funny guy. There's just no one that's funnier than me, especially a man. But Gabe is literally the funniest person. And I mean, he's gonna see this, and I didn't say that. But yeah, his sense of humor is what won me over.
SPEAKER_02Honestly, a sense of humor really gets like if let's just say that a man is like a seven. If a man is a seven in looks, a sense of humor bumps him up to like an 11. That is why Roger Rabbit got with Jessica Rabbit. Are you kidding me? Yeah, a sense of humor will literally bump you up to the highest level of attractiveness. That making a woman laugh goes a long way, fellas. I'm telling you.
SPEAKER_04Absolutely. And they, you know, they say that if you're ugly, you just gotta be funny because whenever she laughs, she closes, she closes her eyes.
SPEAKER_02That is okay. Yes. Okay, so I'm assuming that's when you knew that he was your person, the sense of humor and everything along those sides.
SPEAKER_04Yes, absolutely. He makes me laugh like no one else can.
SPEAKER_02Oh my gosh. Did you see yourself like marrying into the military?
SPEAKER_03I'm so glad you asked that.
SPEAKER_04So I have always sworn off military men. Nothing, nothing against like anyone in the military. I think we all did at one point. Oh, it's just I I know like whenever I was single and I was dating, and even the mention of like, if a guy was like, you know, I'm thinking about going into the military, I was like, it's it was so nice to meet you. It's not gonna work out. It's just for me, I never saw myself because it's just it takes a lot of strength and a lot of courage for military significant other between, you know, the distance and limited communication and the traveling and just all the sacrifices that you both have to make, you know, it's just a very different dynamic. Relationships are hard as it is, it's a completely foreign dynamic. So it really scared me away from military guys. But so what Gabe did is we got together and he proposed to me, and then he decided he wanted to go the military route.
SPEAKER_02Um so he literally said, Hey, and do you want to like marry me? And you were like, Oh my god, yes, I've always been in love with you. He's like, Oh yeah, by the way, I want to go to the military. Yeah, just in love with it.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, he was like, by the way, I'm gonna go sign my life over to Mr. Sam or Uncle Sam. And I was like, Okay, you got me, bro. You got me so bad.
SPEAKER_02You were like, Why did you let me fall in love with you and then break my heart? Let me, why did you lock me in before I can make a decision for myself?
SPEAKER_04Right. All my friends, all my friends made fun of me. They're like, oh, he trapped you. Because originally he was, like I said, whenever he was in town, he was here for maps and he was going into the air force and he had all these things going, and then we started kind of dating, we got serious, and through that, he started leaning away from the Air Force because he was like, you know, like I was pursuing the Air Force, I didn't I wasn't in a relationship, I didn't really have anything to say here for. Want to clarify, I never asked him to not go into the military. I just kind of was seeing where things went, and then whenever he decided to get away from the Air Force, he felt something else was calling him, and then change of events, he felt called back to the military. And again, this was like post post-engagement. So I was like, well, we're we're buckled in now, you know, like I support you. But we did have that conversation, you know, because my concern is that we're older, we're 25. He's a little younger than me, he's 24, just by a couple months, but he never yeah.
SPEAKER_03No, you weren't. I well, I'm a couple months older than him.
SPEAKER_02Oh my god.
SPEAKER_04He never lets me live down. No, Robert, no, never let me live it down. He always calls me a cougar. I'm literally four months older than him. What? But my concern, because like, you know, whenever he started talking about going to the military again, I was like, you know, like if we were younger, I would be super into it for you. Like with you, I should say. My only concern is I don't want to raise kids in the military. I am scared that we're going to, you know, move across the country and away from my support group. It's just not something that I can do, you know. Like I just don't feel comfortable with it, moving, getting moved across the country, having to raise a family by myself while you, I mean, whatever you have to do, you know, you're gonna get deployed, you're gonna have to do it. And I don't want to be away from all my friends and family, like doing it by myself. It's just there are there are so many amazing military significant others that do. And it's I genuinely like at a lack of words in admiration for their strengths because it really is like a superpower, but it's just not in my context. I can't, I couldn't do it. I'm just not strong enough, maybe. But I I had that conversation with him, and he's like, Well, you know, I'm not really sure what to do then. Like, I just really seal pulled into the military, like there's just something calling me there. So we kind of started talking about options, reserves, national, national guard. And he went and talked to a couple recruiters, and the Army National Guard really caught his eye, and that's the direction that he went, went. And it really appealed to us because it allows him that flexibility of coming back home and staying in Oklahoma. And I'm I'm near my friends and my family, you know, and he only has obligations one week in a month and two weeks during the summer. So yeah, but he has the flexibility. So a really big selling point for him is that he wants to go back to school, finish his degree, and he's able to do that with the National Guard. And even more so of an amazing opportunity is that while he's in college, he can actually join the RTC program there. And while he's going, while he's National Guard and he's in RTC, he'll be able to, so it's you know, RTC is reserved officer training course, and while he's there, he will get all the experience that you would get of like basic training, AIT, all that kind of stuff while you're in college. But since he's already doing that before going to college, it's gonna even add to his experience and credentials and stuff. So he's looking to graduate in commission and kind of go that route.
SPEAKER_02So oh wow, that's actually really, really smart. Wow. So did you feel prepared at all? And what was your first reaction whenever he was like, oh well, today's the day I joined? I cried.
SPEAKER_04I cried a lot. Um, and it was a mixture of like happiness because I mean, just sort of knowing him like back in college, and he hated college, you know, he was like, This is just like not for me. I'm this is just not the kind of learning that excites me or anything like that, to seeing him, so seeing him in that environment versus seeing him in this environment and just how on fire he was, you know. I mean, even just talking about his plans, like obviously, all that information I just told you about RTC and all of his plans, it's him. And whenever he talks to me about it, he just lights up and he's just he's over the moon. So to see him, you know, the vast differences of just like pride and excitement and just eagerness, it makes me cry. Like I'm so happy for him, I'm so proud of him. But I also know that like whenever he was like, today's the day, I was like, there's no going back. It's like we're in it, we're in there. So it was a mixture of excitement and just scared, scared of the unknown. What was it?
SPEAKER_02Gotcha. So that was your biggest fear in the beginning, just scared of the unknown. Yeah, yeah. Oh wow. So your your fiance right now, he went to training, like he's he's over there in basic training, right? He's in basic. How do you handle communication during his basic training and stuff like that?
SPEAKER_04So National Guard, Army National Guard trains normally with their active duty service members, so there is no difference. So right now he's actually OSIT at Fort Benning. Go Love and Bravo. So he's been there for the last 18 weeks. And in his company, it's a it's a pretty good mixture of National Guard and of active duty members. I feel like that's something that's not really like a widely known thing. It's like, okay, well, they're they're two different leaves of the same tree, two different branches of the same tree, kind of thing.
SPEAKER_02Um, so two different sides of the same coin.
SPEAKER_04Thank you. Yes, that's what I was looking for. Two different sides of the same coin. So it's really cool that they still get like the same training. But as far as communication goes, oh gosh. I mean, let me run you through it. Like the very first night, whenever he left, he left two days after his birthday. Happy birthday! Your life signed away to the military. Happy birthday, peace out, right? Literally, yes. So he left in October 7th, and that night, so he excuse me, that morning, I should say, we had a warrior's meeting, and it's where this guy who's like a super high rank, and like you can tell he's like super important because he has a lot of stuff everywhere. He comes in and he's briefing the the families, and you see wives and children or parents and like partners, like it's it's a wide variety of like who's in this warrior meeting, and they're giving you this information of like, you know, here's what you can expect. And then at the end, they say, you know, this is what we think you'll expect, but really it's a mixed bag. Good luck. So yeah, yeah. Hello, yeah. They're like, here's all this information, and they're like, but it might actually not even be real. We don't know, and we're like, okay, that's great. What the hell? Yeah. So in that meeting, I'm like literally like biting my nails and I'm like crying and whatever. And then they say, and then they say, Your soldier in training, your SIT is now leaving. They're going to the airport, say goodbye. And so, you know, we're crying, we're hugging, we're saying like it's in like some random like building, like out somewhere in our state, and they're transporting them to the airport. You don't know when you're if you're gonna hear from them, what they're gonna do, like whatever. So I I leave, I go home, and I'm literally like a mess, of course, because I'm like, wow, I'm not gonna, it's October, I'm not gonna see him till like the end of December. This is the first time we've really ever spent apart. And then I get a call and he's like, I'm stuck at the airport for the next five hours. And so I actually ended up being able to go to the airport and spend some more time with him before he left, which was really nice. He couldn't leave, obviously. And then his flight did end up departing and stuff, and that's whenever it kind of all hit, you know. Like at the airport, whenever I was waiting with him, I was a mess. I was crying. Uh wear your waterproof mascara. I wore fake eyelashes and like, you know, those clusters, those stuck on wrecks. But I was literally just crying, like being like, you know, how how how am I gonna do this? I haven't had to do this without you yet. I'm so scared. Like, I'm going from all of you to none of you for a really long time.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_04And he was amazing, very reassuring, telling me how strong I was that I if I can, like, you know, that he give that I can do it, and just really reassuring and amazing. But once that, you know, he was like, okay, we're taking off, and his phone went off. I was like, oh man, like this is really it. Like I he's gone. Like he left, like he's no longer in the state. Like this is it's starting. And so sure enough, he was texting me in the airport, and then he stopped and he was like, Oh, I'm I'm sorry. Like the there were drill sergeants, I think, in the airport, and they corralled us, and we weren't allowed to be on our phones. And that's the first I had heard from him. Like the flight was like, I think, like maybe two hours, and then he texted me like four hours later, and he was like, Sorry, they got us, like, we're waiting for a bus. I can't be on my phone. And then he got in really late. Like, he got in like close to midnight. So I was up texting him and just like you know, trying to get in like that last bit that I could. Yeah. And every I had his location, you know, I was tracking it to see like how far he was, like from the base and stuff like that. And it was a two-hour bus ride from the Atlanta airport to Columbus in Georgia, where Fort Benning is. And it was the most like nerve-wracking thing I experienced. Like I I didn't close my phone once. My phone laid open, you know, and I felt so bad. I was like, he should probably, you know, sleep, get some rest. They're probably gonna be so mean to him off the bus. You know what I mean? Like, you were like, they're gonna be so mean. Yes.
SPEAKER_03So I was so funny.
SPEAKER_04I was I that was well, because you know, all you see is like these movie depictions of like what the military is, you know. And whenever you talk to service members, they're extremely humble, you know, and gracious for the most part, but you know, they're extremely humble and gracious, and they're like, Yeah, it sucked, but like it wasn't that bad, yeah. Right. And so it's like, okay, well, I'm seeing like these movie depictions of like what it looks like, and I'm so scared. And so I'm like thinking the worst. My phone, like I never let it time out. I was on it the entire time, just like tracking his location, texting him. Like I said, just really trying to get in that last bit. And then his phone like went off finally. He was like, We're like a couple and we just went past the gates of the base, like, I gotta go. I love you. And I was like, I love you too. And that was probably around like one in the morning, I think. And then I stayed up that night till like 4 a.m., like constantly like refreshing to see if like he texts back or if his phone would come back on. Like, I was just my heart was racing, overwhelming, overwhelming with overwhelmed with just anxiety of like what is he experiencing right now?
SPEAKER_02So, how long has he been in basic training? And do you guys communicate via letters or phones or how is that?
SPEAKER_04So, sorry, I totally got off track off topic. I was getting there. I'm sorry. No, you're fine. So, yeah, he's been there for 16 weeks. He graduates in two weeks, he's part of the 18-week training course. We communicate mostly by letters. So, whenever he first got there after he got off the bus and everything, I didn't hear from him for a month. I didn't hear from him for a whole month. Yeah. So during that warrior meeting, like I told you, they were like, they're gonna call you every Sunday for 30 minutes. For 30 minutes, and like write them letters, they'll love it. And then that's getting he didn't call you for a whole month for a whole month. So they changed it from we're gonna give you your phones every Sunday for 30 minutes to you're gonna go to the end of phases in training, and their phases are three to four weeks. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02That's torturous. Oh my god. Yeah, I don't think I've ever heard of that. Like my husband, he is he was in the he went to basic training back in 2015.
SPEAKER_04And even then, like, yeah, letters and stuff, but like they would let them have their phones like maybe like once a week or yeah, no, and we unfortunately, I was in contact with like a couple of other like military significant others that I found like the um like Facebook groups and that kind of stuff, and their partners were at different bases, and they were like, Yeah, I've I've been getting pictures and letters and phone calls, and like I'm like, Well, how long has your partner been there? And they're like, a week or two. And I'm like, Are you kidding me? The first time, the first time that me and Gabe called, he's not gonna be happy that I'm admitting this, but me and him just both cried for like the first 10 minutes of the call because we were like, that was insane. Like, that's the longest that we have had no contact.
SPEAKER_02But that's how much you love each other. That's so cute. Imagine, oh, he he couldn't wait. He couldn't wait.
SPEAKER_04Okay, and I finally got like his first letter, you know, like I think I think around the time that he called me. So again, like there was just like no communication. Like it was, it was really, really Hard. So I mean, up until so after that, they started calling every week, like on Sunday. I think there was a couple times that they didn't. I think there was like one time that they didn't call on that week. But then like closer, the closer that we got to holiday block leave, which I from my understanding, I think Army is the only branch that participates in holiday block leave. Correct me if I'm wrong. That's I've that's what I've seen, but I'm not sure. So as we got closer to holiday block leave, he was able to call actually more frequently to set up transportation because he was required to set up and pay for his own transportation home because holiday block leave isn't like necessary. So yeah, but it was a bulk of letters and like sporadic phone calls.
SPEAKER_02So what did you learn about yourself during that time of like you could not speak with him for a whole month with no letters, no phone calls, absolutely nothing. I feel like most of us right now, unless the spouse, unless a service member is a SEAL or a special forces or something along those lines to where communication is sparse because they're on a secret mission or whatever the case may be, lack of communication isn't necessarily a big deal anymore in the military, especially like if they go on TDYs or if they even go on deployments. Deployments now have Wi-Fi and I've heard Cheesecake Factories and Starbucks. So yeah, lack of communication is not a big deal anymore in the military, you know, depending on what job they're in, because some service members are subs, right? They go on the subs. So um, so it all depends. So, what did you learn about yourself during that time of not speaking with him and just missing him, wondering how he is, all that stuff? I learned that not a lot of people are gonna be able to relate to you.
SPEAKER_04I know I really went looking for support, and I didn't grow up in like a military family. I mean, my dad's prior service, my brother-in-law is like I have privacy prior service members in my family, but like my mom wasn't with my dad at the time, my sister wasn't with my brother-in-law at the time. So you didn't experience it before. I didn't experience it, yeah. So oftentimes I was met with a lot of like, I'm trying to phrase it. I was met with a lot of, like, especially like couples that are like have been together for a while and haven't been put through this kind of trial or tribulation in their relationship. They'll make the joke of like, oh man, like I wish, I I wish like I would get a little bit of a break, you know, just trying to like be funny, I guess, trying to like comfort me, you know, or like they'd be like, Oh, I don't know how you do it, I couldn't do it, which again, like trying to comfort me, but like making me feel worse. Yeah, inadvertently, inadvertently, which really, really made me find ways to pour into myself more to support, find more ways to support myself. And that's a really big piece of advice that a lot of military significant others like they post all the time, like keep yourself busy, like you know, do things for yourself. And whenever I first ventured into this journey as a MISO, it frustrated me. I was like, that's all you have for me. Like that, that's that's the only like thing that you can suggest to me is to pour into myself. Like, obviously, like I have to do things myself, but really as time went on and like the communication stayed limited, because it still is limited, you know, he's been there four weeks, and I've heard from him once. My mindset was like, what like Gabe loves me so good whenever he's home, and I love him so good whenever he's he's home. So, like, why can't I do those things for myself? You know what I mean? Like, oh, I had a bad day. Like, what would Gabe do? Well, he's run a bath for me before and lit candles, so I'm gonna do that for myself because your hard days are harder, you know what I mean? Like, unfortunately, like your hard days are harder because your safe person, your best friend isn't there, and your sad days are sadder, your frustrating days are more frustrating. So, just really I I really learned to take care of myself in the ways that my partner would, if that makes sense.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. No, it no, it does. So, how has this experience made you stronger?
SPEAKER_04Honestly, I just feel unstoppable. Umstoppable. Unstoppable in the way of like, you know, having to like a partnership being with someone in the like being with someone is relying on each other, obviously, like to a certain extent, but like you know, they pick up the slack where you can't, and vice versa, and that just looks really different in a military dynamic. So to know that I can rely on myself for everything, everything, you know what I mean? You learn this sense of independence in a military relationship dynamic that isn't there in a non-military dynamic. So I know my biggest hurdle was taking out the trash. So now uh that is that is game. And yeah, and you know what? Here we are having a single trash day.
SPEAKER_02You know what? Props to you, yeah. Props to you, very proud.
SPEAKER_04My biggest battle.
SPEAKER_02So, what are you the most proud of?
SPEAKER_04I think I've just come like a really long way from the beginning of this journey. Like, I think I was so uncomfortable with like let me restart. I I think I've really come a long way in the beginning of this journey till now. I felt really lost, just uncertain, and now I almost feel more confident and more self-assured because you know you you have to be strong, you know what I mean? And yeah, just the fact that like I I really did, like I let myself like feel it, like to the tenth exponent, you know. Like I I really, and that's so important as a military significant other, as you are new, like do not run away from it. It is so important to feel, obviously, like with anything else, but I was able to feel and feel so sad and like low to now, like we're 20 days out, and like, yeah, I have excitement that he's coming home, and like that's like the finish line that I've been working to, but also like I've been taking care of stuff, you know what I mean?
SPEAKER_00Like, I that's right, yeah.
SPEAKER_04Like I like things that take two people, like a relationship that takes like the dynamics in a relationship that takes two people, I'm able to do by myself. So I'm just really proud of how far I've come in my mindset of just you know how unbearable it was at the beginning versus like okay, like I know what to expect now, like we can do this.
SPEAKER_02I'm so yeah, that's such a good mindset to be in, especially going through what you are currently going through right now. So shifting gears a little bit, can you explain how would you explain the National Guard to somebody who doesn't really know about the National Guard or or doesn't necessarily understand it?
SPEAKER_04So the National Guard allows you to serve in your backyard. I think that's literally their bot motto. I might be screaming from them. But National Guard, you are confined to your state, so you are not required to move anywhere. You do have the availability that if you join National Guard, that you can go to any state, it's available in every state, but it's basically in layman's terms, it's part-time military. Do you think people minimize it because it's part-time? 1000%. 1000%. So, like they call National Guard like weekend warriors. I know I've talked to like other military significant others, and they're like, Yeah, my partner's in the real military. And I'm like, Wow, that's a crazy thing to say, being that they're in the same training, they go through all of the same things. The only difference is that instead of you know having to report every single day and like the military being your job, you have the flexibility of access to civilian life, you know, it is a lot more of a balance, truthfully. So for the National Guard, you're required to serve one week at a month, two weeks during the summer, and stuff like that.
SPEAKER_02So, how do you think you guys are going to balance that civilian life with the military aspect of things whenever he does come back?
SPEAKER_04So that's something I've thought a lot about because that's you know a really big dynamic that's present in those military relationships is like it's it's a different element in your day-to-day life, and it's not going to be present for us, truthfully. I mean, obviously, actually, I can't even say that. I'm wrong. Because whenever he goes, sorry, whenever he goes to college and he joins the RTC program, he's gonna be reporting every day, and he's technically in active training status. But after he graduates, he's gonna commission girl. So I don't even know because he's calling she said I'm still trying to figure that out. Thinking it through with you, and I don't even know. Like, we might not even like really have that experience, but yeah, I'm sorry, I don't think I can really answer that.
SPEAKER_02It's okay. You're still trying to figure it out, and that's totally fine. So shifting gears a little bit, your wedding has the military affected your wedding plan so far.
SPEAKER_04Absolutely, absolutely, and to be extremely transparent with you, so we set our wedding before again, before he decided to ever go into the military. So we had booked our venue, done our dates, done our photographer, like all the things. And he actually had to pick his MOS because he wanted to do bumper to bumper wheel mechanic. He loves mechanics, he's very hands-on, he's really good with cars, and he wanted to go into that MOS, but he wasn't able to because the training would have overlapped our wedding. And I remember I was in whenever he was like picking his MOS, I was in the office with him. And he asked, asked his recruiter. He was like, Can I come home from my wedding? And I, girl, the look on this recruiter's face was like, Are you like, do you really are you good? But like, oh do you know what you're signing up for? Do you know where you're going? Like this anything that you think that could happen for you, it's not going to. Like, there's gonna be no bending. So he settled on infantry because it was the only job that or MOS that was available to come back before our wedding, so he didn't miss it. But I think truthfully, the biggest impact on the wedding planning that it's the military dynamics has had is I've been planning it by myself. I don't have him to share the excitement with of being engaged, you know, to and like, you know, like how involved and how like on fire would he have been about wedding planning? Probably not very, you know. If I started talking to him about tablecloths, his eyes would have glazed over, but glazed over and did just to like have my best friend, my teammate, my other half, you know, to bounce things off of in this process would have been really nice, you know. So I'm super it, it it's like a it it puts me in this weird guilty in-between of like I am so excited that I'm engaged. It puts me in that weird in-between phase of like, I'm so excited to get to to be engaged, to be getting married, but I'm also so bummed that like the person that I'm so excited to get married to isn't here to share this with me. You know what I mean? Like, so that's probably the biggest impact that it's had, unfortunately. But at the end of the day, we still have a month before we get married, whenever he gets home. So we can, I'm gonna feel so bad for him. He's gonna come home from an extremely stressful environment, right? To another one because it's gonna be a month away from our wedding.
SPEAKER_02But to be honest, I feel like he would be so grateful that you took that off of his hands, considering that he's already been in such a stressful environment. The fact that he could just come home and everything be done, I'm sure that that's a relief. But he's like, oh god, thank God.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_02So, yeah, girl, think about it that way. You got got it all taken care of for him. And then whenever he comes home, all he has to do is just sign that marriage certificate. And yeah, it's like, oh right.
SPEAKER_04And I have been cluing him in here and there. Like, I'll send letters. I'm like, look what I did here, look what I did there. And he's always excited, yeah. And he is, he's like so like receptive too. He's like, Oh my gosh, that looks amazing. I can't wait to see what you've done.
SPEAKER_02So what kind of spouse do you hope to be supportive?
SPEAKER_04I I hope to be I think you already are. I appreciate that. I appreciate that. I I want to continue to lift each other up and bring each other up and make each other better. So, you know, just making sure that there's never a day that he comes home super on fire about something and I don't match that energy with him. You know what I mean? Like I always want him to feel like I'm his number one fan, his teammate, all of the things.
SPEAKER_02So that is so cute. No, I love that because that's kind of the dynamic that my husband and I, we've been married for a very long time. And so even when he gets like really exciting news or I get exciting news, we have an inside joke. That inside joke is this calls for a celebration. We're so corny, and then and then we do we like turn around in place. That's amazing. I literally love that. Um yeah, honestly, I feel like that's kind of a sign that like the fact that he's so excited about little things that you sent him just goes to show how much he likes you. And I feel like liking your partner is more important than loving them in a sense, because you can love somebody and not like them, and the relationship will end because of that. If you like your partner as a person and you love them as an individual, that's when the relationship will blossom, and that's how long-term relationships happen in general. Absolutely you gotta like them as a person. Like if you don't get tired of them, like as soon as if if you spend a whole day together, you don't get tired of them, you just want to spend more time together, that's your sign that that's your person because girl. So, do you feel supported? Do you feel supported by your fiance?
SPEAKER_04Oh, absolutely, absolutely. You know, communication's hard whenever you don't have very much and you're limited, and he has done an amazing job of, you know, every time that we do talk, like making it know like, hey, I love you and I appreciate you, and I like I see you. Like someone told me a really long time ago, and it was a really, really insightful. And in a relationship, you want to be seen, heard, and understood. And he, me and him have talked about it. Like, we did like check-ins, you know, before he was like left, like we would do like weekly check-ins, like, hey, are you feeling seen, heard, and understood? And obviously, like this the military dynamic really limits like how that operates between us. But I feel like we've done a really good job of adjusting, especially like him, you know, like in his letters, he's like, I want you to know, like, I'm not the only person being strong right now, or like being asked to be like to require strength.
SPEAKER_02What kind of advice would you give to somebody who's in your exact same position, dating somebody who's wanting to go into the National Guard, actually taking that step to be in the National Guard, and now are currently in that position of waiting, basically? Yeah.
SPEAKER_04It's okay to be scared. It's okay to, you know, not know what to expect. My biggest piece of advice is be patient, feel your feelings, take everything with a grain of salt, too. That's probably like my number one survival tip is there is so much information, like, especially with like how many spaces are online and what you have access to with like sandbox guide on Facebook. Like, there's just so many amazing resources that you can get your hands on, but it's really easy to get erroneous information and be overwhelmed with that kind of stuff. Unless you hear it from your partner that is getting like direct orders, don't take it to heart. That if someone would have told me that whenever we started, I think I would have saved myself a lot of anxiety because you know, you have everyone telling you everything from different experiences, and everyone's experience is so different. So take things with a grain of salt, learn how to survive, would do what makes you feel happiest, like while your partner is gone, whether that's finding a hobby, being with friends, surrounding yourself with a support group. And another kind of odd piece of advice that I have uh military significant others, great, amazing, get in with them, but don't sleep on the military parents either. Because, you know, I so like I said, me and Gabe were older, we're 25. Most of the guys that are in his company are like 18. So most like there's a lot of parents. There's a big parent following in his company. And I was able to secure a spot in a parent group chat on Facebook. And oh my God, I am the only significant other in there. Everyone else is like, my baby, my son. And I'm like, my husband. Anyway. But they are like they know some things, like the yeah, they're pretty, they're pretty good, you know. Like some of them have like other like prior, either they're prior service or they have like like siblings, like multiple kids that are prior service. So they're and they're really good investigators. So don't limit yourself to only military significant others, like get in with some parents, they'll surprise you.
SPEAKER_02Interesting.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Alrighty. So to wrap this up, I have would you rather question. Exciting. All right, are you ready? Yes. All right, so would you rather fall in love with a service member all over again or pick a safe civilian man? Oh my god.
SPEAKER_03That is hard. I'm gonna have to say safe civilian because technically, technically, he was a safe civilian whenever we started. You know what? Hey, loophole. Loophole, loophole.
SPEAKER_02Would you rather know exactly when he's gonna leave next or live in peaceful ignorance?
SPEAKER_04Peaceful ignorance, one thousand percent. Yeah, I feel I just feel like the countdowns like make it so much worse.
SPEAKER_02You know, I agree. It gives me a lot of anxiety. I'm naturally an anxious person, and I feel like if I had a countdown straight in my face, I feel like I would be so nervous and anxious all the time.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Okay. So another one. Would you rather live in a place long term or move every two to three years? Oh my gosh.
SPEAKER_04Oh my gosh. Well, I feel like live in a place long term. Live in a place. I the thought of like packing up and moving every two years.
SPEAKER_02Two to three years. Welcome to the military life. Oh. Not national guard, girl. Wait until he commissions, girl. All right, Miss Yeah, this has been so much fun. Thank you so much for joining us in another episode of Base Buddies and sharing your beautiful story. And thank you for sticking with us for another episode. If you found value in this episode, don't forget to like, share, subscribe, and join us for another episode of Base Buddies.