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Deployment Confessions That Broke Our Hearts | Base Confessions
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Deployment doesn't just separate military families it reshapes some of the most important moments of their lives.
In this episode of Base Confessions, we share anonymous stories from military spouses about the emotional reality of deployment. From facing pregnancy and childbirth alone to navigating the loneliness, uncertainty, and sacrifices that come with loving someone who serves, these confessions offer an honest look at the side of military life that often goes unseen.
Whether you've experienced deployment yourself or want to better understand the military spouse journey, these stories are a reminder that no one should have to carry these burdens alone.
If you have a confession you'd like featured on a future episode, you can submit it anonymously through Base Buddies. Your story could be the one that helps someone else feel seen.
Welcome to the Base Confessions. I'm your host, Lei. This is my co-host, Michaela. If you are new to this podcast or to this segment, this is a sub-segment from Bass Buddies that we basically just sit here and talk about stories that have been anonymously posted online or have been submitted to us by our fellow viewers. Basically, about military spouses just navigating this life. All the secrets stuff.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. All really good stuff to just talk about in general. This is everyday stories from everyday military spouses. So I went to share them. And yeah, if you have any comments, throw them in the chat. And we will reply as soon as we can. Also, if you want to share a story, feel free to DM us on any of the Basebuddy's social platforms. We'd be happy to share your story. Again, we won't share any names or anything. So yeah, reach out to us. Yeah. We're all here for you. But I'm super excited.
SPEAKER_00Yes. Today's theme is deployment. So anything that has to do with deployment. Oh, by the way, if you're a visual viewer or if you watch us on YouTube or anything along those lines, you might notice a cat. That's Mr. Levy. He's our co-co-host. He might just be stopping by and saying hi.
SPEAKER_01He has to insert himself and make sure he does be known.
SPEAKER_00He does. This segment is raw, raunchy, and just real. So yeah, get ready. Also, just a quick shout out.
SPEAKER_01How cool of them are. Are you? Yeah. Oh my god. Our hoodies are so freaking cool. Super excited for the new merchandise for Bass Buddies. I already put in some requests. Let's get some t-shirts. Let's get some mugs.
SPEAKER_00Yep.
SPEAKER_01This is super cute. I love my new hoodie. I'm wearing it night and day, but in the house I'm wearing it. I love the colors. It's so cute. So if you do like it, please comment as well. What's your feedback? Do you like the hoodie?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, do you? Let's get into it. Yeah, let's do it. Okay. Okay, so this one is really exciting because it's an anonymous story that was posted and it mentioned us. So I'm really excited to share this.
SPEAKER_01Ooh, I'm excited. When you say mentioned us, they specifically mentioned book base buddies. Yes. Yeah, they meant that's so exciting.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Okay, so I didn't realize how quiet life gets until he deployed. I've been lurking here for a while but never posted. My husband deployed a few months ago and I thought I was handling it. I kept telling myself this is normal. People do this all the time, but honestly, I don't think I was prepared for how quiet everything would feel. It's not even just missing him, it's the little things. No one to talk to about your day, no one to sit next to you at night, no one who actually understands his lifestyle without having to explain it. I moved not too long before he left too, so I don't really have people here yet. I go to work, come home, and it's just silent. Some nights I literally sit in my car for a bit before going inside because I don't feel like walking into an empty house. I tried putting myself out there, but it felt kind of surface level and forced. Like I was trying to speedrun friendships or something. Weirdly enough, the only thing that helped a little has been listening to a podcast I randomly found called Bass Buddies. I'm not even a big podcast person, but I put it on one night just to have as background noise and ended up actually listening. It's just other military spouses talk about real stuff, deployments, loneliness, identity, relationships, and it didn't feel fake or overly motivational. Which low-key turns me off when it comes to other milsos. Anyways, it's what I needed. It didn't magically fix anything, but it made things feel a little less isolating. Okay, it's not just me feeling this way. I don't really know why I'm posting this. I guess I just needed to say it somewhere where people might understand. Has anything actually helped you get through the quiet like this? Or does it just take time?
SPEAKER_01But also shout out for thinking about us. I thought she's like if it's a she or they that they're listening to the podcast and they find it relatable.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that real that really melts my heart. Thank you so much for mentioning us. And I'm so glad that Bass Buddies was able to help you in ways that I in ways that I wish it could. Bass Buddies started as an idea to where I wanted other military spouses to connect with each other based on shared commonality, and that's exactly what's happening. And I'm really happy that helped this person out 1000%. I totally relate when it comes to deployments, and I know that a lot of military spouses can relate. If you're new here, my husband was deployed for about 11 months, and we were only married for about six months. So we celebrated our one-year anniversary while he was deployed in the Middle East. And during that time, it was really lonely and it was really isolating, even though I did go home and I had my family and my friends, and it's not the same. Like when your person, the person that's your best friend, the love of your life is gone, and you really don't have a lot of communication between both of you because of the the time zone difference, because of just things that they have going on. They are deployed, they have things going on, and it's rare to be in communication unless they're off that day. You know what I mean? But I 1000% relate to being isol for it to being isolating alone and just being like scared of the quiet and just sitting in your car. What helped me was finding things that I really enjoyed doing.
SPEAKER_01Didn't you say you go back into reading?
SPEAKER_00Yes. So I did get back into reading. So I used to read a lot when I was in actually no, I got yeah, I got back into reading, but I got into anime a lot when he was gone. That's so cool. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01No, I hate people get into it.
SPEAKER_00I got into anime so hard when he was gone. I I I grew up with anime, but during that time frame, I got really into it. And I used to watch shows all the time. At one point that was like the only thing that I watched. And I got into reading as well. Of reading, I've been reading since I was a kid, but when he was gone, I picked it up because it felt it filled the void in a sense. Just being away for however long you're reading, like in a different world in your mind, escape reality for a little bit. That's definitely something that helps me a lot.
SPEAKER_01I agree with that in terms of finding a hobby to occupy your mind. I've gone through so many phases of little hobbies, I've found panel making. Yeah. Right now, my husband isn't the point right now, but I've found fun in scrapbooking, especially having a baby, printing out photos, doing something fun, just having something to fill the void slightly. And it also plays a part into the mental health. It's like colouring. A lot of people think colouring are just for kids, but colouring is a great mental health tactic because when you're colouring, you're not thinking of anything. It really helps with stress. So finding little hobbies to fill that void can be really helpful. But I've been there as well where okay, not in the States, but when I was doing long distance and my partner got deployed or went on these missions where I would sit in the car and just feel empty inside and not really have much drive. One thing that always gets me through the day is knowing there's gonna be a time where he does come back, and that's something to look forward to. I like to have trips planned, that's something that keeps me like moving forward a little bit in terms of having something to look forward to, be trips with friends or I've taken solo trips before. Something to look forward to kind of gets me through. And also like finding a hobby to fill that void. Also, I'm one of those people where I fill my time with work back in the day. I would just jump into work and work more than I should probably. Yeah, make that money, girl. Just to keep busy. Because yeah, when you're not busy and you're just sat there, that's when your thoughts start like happening and you get in your head a lot. But I'm so glad that she's finding the time to listening to this podcast and she's relating to it. I love that. That really melts my heart. I feel like we're getting big, we're reaching people. I mean, that's one of your goals, you know, was to reach out to military spouses and know that they're not alone. We're in this together, we're a big community, we're here for one another. And that ties with base confessions as well. Like, yeah, we're here to share your stories. You're not alone because ten out of ten or nine out of ten, you got so many more people that are feeling the exact same way. And we felt the exact same way.
SPEAKER_00Absolutely. We are right there with you when it comes to everything. At the end of the day, we're regular people. At the end of the day, we're military spouses going through the same thing. My husband and I are about to start PCSing quite soon. And so it's getting to that point to where I have to start all over again, even though I feel like I just got here. And going back to the deployment, going back to the deployment, it yeah, it does feel isolating and it does feel like it doesn't it feels isolating and it feels like it's forever, right? But the weeks are short, but the days are long. The days are long, but the weeks are short. Just keep that in mind. He's gonna Yeah, he's gonna come back. You know, Dominic told me that. Dominic told me whenever he was deployed.
SPEAKER_01Wise man.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, he told me that when he was deployed because I felt literally just like that. He was like, remember, just the days are long, but the weeks are short, we're almost there. Yeah. You're not alone. And if you need anything, just reach out to us, okay? Yeah. Mm-hmm. And if any of you guys are feeling the same thing, just reach out. Yeah. 100%.
SPEAKER_01I've got a story. Okay. And this was one of my biggest fears being pregnant, so I'm excited to share.
SPEAKER_00Okay.
SPEAKER_01How do I handle my husband missing my whole pregnancy? Hi all. My husband is on a long TDY for training across the country, technically a PCS for how long the training is. He is retraining. I happened to get pregnant right before he left. I stayed behind to work at my job for a couple more months. I was supposed to fly there next week to be with him. I'm on the west coast and he's in the south. Today I found out I have a placenta previa and I cannot fly because of it. Driving isn't an option because the training will be over when I'm 34 weeks and I'm not driving 24 hours back heavily pregnant. I am devastated he's going to miss almost my entire pregnancy and possibly birth. I don't know how to cope and I'm a mess. This baby is a miracle as I've had two infertility conditions and I was told I would never have children. Hmm. This will likely be our one and only baby. It's times like this where I hate being a military spouse. Any advice is appreciated.
unknownWow.
SPEAKER_01That breaks my heart. That was one of my fears getting pregnant and not having my spouse there, or him being deployed and me kind of doing it all alone. I'm very lucky that didn't happen. It was supposed to happen. He was supposed to deploy, but things changed. But yeah, it doesn't necessarily need to be deployments, it's long TDYs, retraining that spouses go. I hear a lot of stories about someone joining the military and they go to basic training and there's no communication. Yeah. And it's so difficult. The things that I had planned for when I found out I was pregnant, and you never know if things happen. Is documentation in terms of videoing sweet moments that you feel to be able to share with your spouse. I videoed stuff anyway, just so I could remember my pregnancy, because I feel like I'm like one and done for now. I don't think I'll get pregnant ever again. But that that's so hard. I can't even imagine what they're going through. Oh, it's so hard because there's like health complications, and I wouldn't risk driving back and forth or traveling if they've had issues like trying to get pregnant, just to make sure they're like in the safest environment. But that's so hard.
SPEAKER_00That is really hard. I think that being a military spouse, that's just that's just one of the things that we just have to deal with in a sense. If it does happen, that sucks. But if it doesn't, that's amazing. It's just something that could inevitably happen because the military always comes first when it comes to everything, basically. That's why I always say that. That's why in my previous podcast I've always said that the military is the wife and then we're the mistresses because the military sees our husbands more than we do. And whenever the military calls, they're always on their back and call, they're like, heck yeah, we'll go. Not as enthusiastic, but that's just one of the things that we just kind of have to. I don't know. I'm trying to find a word. I'm trying to find a phrase.
SPEAKER_01Also, I would do some investigation because I'm pretty sure it depends what role they have as well, but I'm pretty sure that they can put in a request to Lee.
SPEAKER_00Not on deployment. Unless it's a Red Cross. Unless it's a Red Cross. If it's a TDY, it's up to the commander's discretion. So if her husband is going on a TDY, if her husband's going on a TDY that's dang near a PCS, then he can request leave if it's not an emergency, but it would be up to the commander's discretion. But if she was having complications, then you would get a red cross message, and then he would have to be going over there anyways.
SPEAKER_01I mean it's worth looking into this. Yeah, it's worth it. Especially if she's considered high risk. Yeah. I would get him to contact his commander and get advice. Agreed. Agreed. You have nothing to lose at the end of the day. Nothing.
SPEAKER_00You can only ask if it's denied, but at least you ask. A closed mouth doesn't get fair. Get your man back. This is a good one. Okay. How to keep this is from a service member. Ooh, I love it. How to keep my wife from building resentment while I'm gone. Hi y'all. Navy husband here. Long story short, and because I don't want to bore anyone with details, I'm going to be extremely busy for the next three years. I'm going to stay on 24-hour duty one out of every four days. I'll be underway for probably a week or two every month, and I'll have to fit in a deployment at some point. I, 24 male, love my wife, 22 female. With all my heart, and right now we have a great relationship, but this is going to be a shock because I've never had to deal with this type of schedule before. I've communicated to her that this will be tough, but I plan on getting out in around three years. Still, I see posts where wives start to resent their husbands for being gone for so long. This scares me to death. What can I do to make this process easier for my wife? What can I do to help prevent resentment from being built? Right now, we are fine, but the thought of her resenting me for being gone for so long really haunts me. First of all, you are so sweet.
SPEAKER_01First of all, you're like Yeah.
SPEAKER_00First of all, you're like the sweetest thing in the entire universe, like caring about your spouse this way. A lot of husbands are a lot of spouses in general that are in the service don't necessarily go above and beyond like that for their spouse. Especially when duty calls, right? They have to do things, so they just expect their spouse to deal with it in a sense. Hey, this is my life, this is what I'm gonna do. This is what you have to deal with. I'm sorry. But the fact that he's asking, what can I do to make this process a lot easier? And what can I do to help prevent resentment from being built is crazy because that's so considerate. So to answer that question, for me, what what you can do to make the process easier is reassurance, reassurance, a lot of reassurance, a lot of reassurance, communication, and and just be there for her in ways that you can be there for her when you're gone. Such as if you're in the Navy and obviously if you're underway, you're not gonna be able to do FaceTimes or anything along those lines. But when you are on those deployments and you have Wi-Fi, you can always set up FaceTime dates, you can always watch a movie together via FaceTime or or play an iPhone game, even if you have Wi-Fi.
SPEAKER_01I'm kind of old school, but I know this is delayed, but writing letters because you never know when they're gonna arrive, it's something to look forward to and it's exciting. Yeah. My husband used to write me letters before when we were long distance, and even though we FaceTimed every day, it was just something a nice surprise to look forward to. Think of different things. You can play games virtually with one another. I don't know. There's so much you could do, but the biggest thing is communication and her knowing that if she can't get through to you at a certain time, it's not because you you don't want to speak with her. Yeah. It's a challenging time. You can't always speak with your partner, your significant other during deployments, TDYs. And it's just having that understanding. And if she sees the commitment from you that you're putting in when you do have the time, I think for me that would be enough.
SPEAKER_00Another thing, I do have this friend, her husband's been deployed for a while. And her husband sends her flowers every month just to let her know that he's thinking about her, he loves her, and he's there for her, even though he's not physically there. And I think that's one of the many ways that you can reassure and communicate your feelings whenever you're not there. So I feel like even obviously being physically there is a big thing, but also expressing yourself in a way that makes her feel loved, seen, and understood um goes a long way. And validate her feelings as well. If by any chance she does say she expresses herself in a way that's negative, such as I miss you, I hate this, whatever the case may be. Like validate those feelings because those are real feelings that she's feeling.
SPEAKER_01And trust me, I think with distance the heart grows fonder. And if you're meant to be together, distance will make you strong. It will make or break you. Is it gonna make you stronger as a couple or it's gonna show it's not really working? But most of the time, if you both have commitment, it's gonna make you stronger than ever. So and it's temporary, it's not forever.
SPEAKER_00And communicate what you need as well, and also tell her to communicate what she needs for you guys to grow together within the distance. So communication, re communication, reassurance, and little things go a long way.
SPEAKER_01That's so sweet though that your friend's partner that's deployed sends her flowers. Yeah, every month.
SPEAKER_00Every month. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Just doing little things, and that doesn't need to involve money. Even like I said, letters, little acts. Agreed. While these stories today were super relatable, I think nine out of ten military spouses have experienced some sort of deployment TDY, like basic training, their spouse being away. Yeah. No, I think every military spouse has experienced that at some point. So it's really good to share these just to talk about it. We're here for one another. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00If you enjoyed this episode of Base Confessions, please make sure to like, share, and subscribe. If you're an audio listener, please make sure to give us a five star rating in all of the audio platforms. And yeah, stay tuned for another episode of Base Confessions. Bye.