Crisis Talks: The Diary Files - Our Teenage Years

This week we're opening the vault and reading from our teenage diaries. What could possibly go wrong?

From embarrassing crushes and dramatic friendships to getting into trouble and desperately trying to fit in, we're reliving the highs, lows and utter cringe of being a teenager in the 90s.

Looking back, it's hilarious to see how much time we spent worrying about things that don't matter now, but it's also a reminder of just how hard those teenage years can be. We chat about confidence, friendships, relationships, parenting teenagers and why we're actually quite proud of the women we've become.

Expect plenty of laughs, a healthy dose of second-hand embarrassment and proof that somehow, despite everything, we turned out alright in the end.

Keep in touch, follow our socials or send an email to hellomidlife@icloud.com.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:24

Hello. Hello. Hello. Back again.

SPEAKER_02 0:28

Back again.

SPEAKER_01 0:29

Diary entries.

SPEAKER_02 0:31

Oh God. I am vaguely dreading this.

SPEAKER_01 0:34

These ones are a lot more cringe.

SPEAKER_02 0:36

Yes, absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 0:37

A lot more cringe. As we were 15.

SPEAKER_02 0:40

We were well, mine started at 14, but only just.

SPEAKER_01 0:44

Oh. Yeah, mine must have. No, I think I'm 15. Yeah. It's really awful. Do you know what? I don't know where to start with it, to be honest.

SPEAKER_02 0:53

It's funny, isn't it? Because I've like. So, hello, and welcome to Crisis Talks, everybody. Hello, yeah. So we in our main episode on Midlife No Crisis, we we kind of went through our Australia diaries a little bit because we just thought it'd be quite funny to sort of relive some of the things that happened. And it probably got a little bit boring and b and waffly because we uh we went down a few memory lane trips, didn't we? But in finding these diaries, we also found our 14, 15-year-old selves diaries as well. Um, and we're both reflecting on just what like uh I don't know, it's it's given me so many things to think about. So it's made me realise that something my mum said to me not that long ago, which is we talked about teenagers and Freya and stuff, and she said, You changed when you came back from your trip to France. So when they when we were 14 going into um final year of GCSEs, our parents, mine, Joannes, and two other girls, sent us to France for two weeks to improve our French for French GCSE. They sent us to this French school, which was basically like um do you remember Degrassi Junior High, all those American TV shows? It was basically that in the south of France. So there was a mix of multiple nationalities, kids were sort of our age up to something 18 or 19, and it was basically just drinking and smoking and all stuff going on. I don't think I knew this, and we had so much fun, and my diary starts the day I got back from France.

SPEAKER_01 2:35

Really? Yeah, oh no, so your poor mum and dad thought that they were doing the best for you, and in fact, they were sending you down a dark path.

SPEAKER_02 2:44

They sent us off down, yeah. We got in so much trouble. I have such this strong memory, and Joanne, when she listens to this, she'll laugh because we'd done I can't remember what had happened, but everyone had snuck out in the night and we'd gone down to the beach, and you could literally get served everywhere, couldn't you? So we'd bought like a cart, some some sort of spirits, and we were drinking those on the beach, got leathered, caused loads of trouble, got in loads of trouble at the school, got bollocked in French, and Juan just sat there and went, just sweet desire. I'll never forget it. I bet it's the only French she knows now.

SPEAKER_01 3:21

This will sort it. Just sweet desire. Oh god. Well, look at the French she learnt while she was there.

SPEAKER_02 3:31

But yeah, so it my diary starts on the 26th of August. I think it must be 1991. Um yeah, mine's 91.

SPEAKER_01 3:39

So mine started on the 31st of August, 1991.

SPEAKER_02 3:44

Discussed it, mum, mustn't we?

SPEAKER_01 3:45

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:47

We got back from holiday on Saturday, it was F brilliant. We got pissed a lot and got in at 5 to 6 a.m. most mornings. The people were dead nice, a special Javier, a Mexican lad. I even cried when we said goodbye. Don't remember that. Um when we got home, mum had done her backing, so I have to do all the housework. Dad helps a bit, but Rob is too lazy to get off his fat ass. Instead, he drives around all day because he's just passed his test. But I suppose it's all right because he gives me lifts.

SPEAKER_01 4:27

That's not so bad. I'll put the rest of my family off to Sheffield and I'm here on my own. That doesn't mean I can chuck a wild party or anything, though, because I am being watched. I hope we have a good night tonight. I think I'm gonna have to flirt with Jonna. I obviously had it planned just to flirt with him, that was all. I I would like to go out with him, but it doesn't look too good because he's just walked off with bloody Joe. I don't know which Joe that was. I don't know whether either that was Joe Carr or Joe Lynch. Oh well, that's it for now. Doesn't matter. I think I should be going to Wig and Pear on Sunday. Whoop! Wig and Pear gets mentioned quite a lot because that was the um the under 18's night, wasn't it, that we used to go to.

SPEAKER_02 5:22

Well, I mean, one of the things, I mean, I've marked all these passages, but the thing that was really making me laugh when I was reading this last night was how much we swapped and changed the boys. So I also clearly like Jonna at this point, and yeah. On the Sunday, the 1st of September, dear Darry um got back from the pier about one hour ago. Guess what? I went with Jonna.

SPEAKER_00 5:49

I'm so fucking happy.

SPEAKER_01 5:51

Oh no, I must have been terribly sad. I don't think I knew this. Oceanic were on at the pier on that night as well. You would have had the best night ever, Katie.

SPEAKER_02 6:01

Oh yeah, bloody love oceanic.

SPEAKER_01 6:04

Oceanic.

SPEAKER_02 6:06

I've got do you remember Middy, Phil, Cush, Jez, and Josh? No, they were named.

SPEAKER_01 6:16

Jez Crook.

SPEAKER_02 6:18

No, I don't know who that was.

SPEAKER_01 6:21

Jez. Oh no. Aszy, he gets mentioned.

SPEAKER_02 6:28

Oh Aszy, yeah. I went out with Aszy for six weeks, apparently.

SPEAKER_01 6:31

Did you?

SPEAKER_02 6:32

I don't remember that. I don't remember.

SPEAKER_01 6:33

Little Azzy or Big Azie.

SPEAKER_02 6:37

There were two of them.

SPEAKER_01 6:39

Little Aszy, Gibbo.

SPEAKER_02 6:42

Oh yeah, Gibbo. I went out with Gibbo as well. He treated me bad, according to the diary. That's in my diary. Amy has been with Sid.

unknown 6:51

Damn it.

SPEAKER_02 6:53

Johnny McCrill. Kate's still going out with Olmsy. Kate Presswich went out with Olmsy. Don't remember that.

SPEAKER_01 6:59

Ohmsie, yeah. I do. I know I do remember that. Yeah, yeah. Uh so I drank half a bottle of Thunderbirds.

SPEAKER_02 7:07

Ah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:08

I drank half a bottle of Thunderbirds. That wasn't a good idea. I put I was dead. Oh no.

SPEAKER_02 7:15

Katie Lewis is going with Gibbo now. Oh, oh. And is in love with Greavesy. Oh, I don't even remember. This is the point. Do you remember I told you about Matty buying me that ring, that gold ring with the black heart? It's here in this diary. He bought it me for my birthday, but uh let me find the bit where I wrote about it because this was just hilarious. Um da da da da da. I want to go with Gibbo.

SPEAKER_01 7:47

Oh, again.

SPEAKER_02 7:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:49

Once wasn't enough.

SPEAKER_02 7:51

No.

SPEAKER_01 7:52

Oh, were you in love with him? Are you always even Audie? I don't remember. Oh god, I don't remember him at all. I don't remember. I kind of remember Aszy. Oh, my memory's absolutely shocking.

SPEAKER_02 8:08

So this one's quite funny. I've put Joe Carri is now going out with Johnny Hyam. Oh dear, never mind, she'll grow out of him. Oh I think they went out for about a year, didn't they?

SPEAKER_01 8:19

She went out with him for quite a while. Yeah. Oh dear.

SPEAKER_02 8:23

Don't tell her we should listen to this now. 14th of October. I'd obviously not written in it since my birthday. Um, so much to tell you, it's been busy, busy. Matty gave me a ring for my birthday, gold with a black heart in it. It was really cute, but I didn't feel right with him, so I had to drop him and still feel guilty, even though I don't regret it. Amy is going out with Azzy, bracket Stephen. Katie L was going out with Gebo, but he's he dumped her.

SPEAKER_01 8:54

This is why I blocked him out of my mind.

SPEAKER_02 8:56

Now I like him.

SPEAKER_01 9:01

Because he was such a catch. Oh, this is the worst. Oh, we can do this.

SPEAKER_02 9:16

This this is brilliant. This is brilliant. I'm going on about all these lads and lads, lads, lads, and going to the school bonfire in the dean lot. Um, and then I've put it's not funny. Mum and dad are having mass money hassles at the moment, which makes me feel guilty every time I have to ask for cash. I don't I don't know if I should have my hair permed because it's oh you really put some thought into your parents' man.

SPEAKER_01 10:02

Oh god. I've written a brilliant one here. I'm very tempted. This is really bad. I'm but I'm really tempted to eat a sausage. I'm I might have to resist because there'd be no point in continuing with vegetarianism. But I do really miss sausages.

unknown 10:28

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 10:30

Oh no, what on earth? We were we were these people, although one good thing about this diary, I have to say, is all my friends. So I've written Katie, Nick, Cheryl, George, Rob. So this is later on, George, Rob, Pete, Marseille. They're all going off to Newcastle uh to um to uni. I'm gonna miss them more than I will ever say. They all mean a lot to me, but I know how close we all are, and I know we will all stay together. That's the last time I ever wrote in the diary.

SPEAKER_02 11:09

Is it?

SPEAKER_01 11:10

Yeah, yeah. That's quite sweet, isn't it? Really?

SPEAKER_02 11:14

Uh uh.

SPEAKER_01 11:15

See, do love you, really. Yeah, having a podcast this much, even if you stole what's it and what's his name off me? Gibbot.

SPEAKER_02 11:23

Gibbo, I'm asleep from the sound of it. Oh, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:27

Julie, yeah. God, you took them all away from me. Terrible.

SPEAKER_02 11:32

I've put here, um, dear Darry, I am sitting at home writing with Katie Lewis by my side. She wanted a mention, and by golly, she'll get one. And then I've written your name in big letters.

SPEAKER_01 11:44

Katie Lewis.

SPEAKER_02 11:46

How's that love? Question mark. And then on the next page, obviously, Nick was feeling jealous of that. Oh at the moment, I am about to go to bed, just got back from the Pia. Nick is sleeping, she wants a mention, and then she got a mention. But next to her name, she's written big shout out from the XTC posse.

SPEAKER_01 12:10

Right.

SPEAKER_02 12:11

Hire Geordie's a twat, but Katie still loves him. Fuck knows why. Oh remember Geordie?

SPEAKER_01 12:18

I do remember that in, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:20

That is, I remember that as well.

SPEAKER_01 12:23

I kind of do remember him. Hmm.

SPEAKER_02 12:25

I feel like I didn't really. Did you play with a fortune teller book from just 17?

SPEAKER_01 12:30

What? Oh, oh, she did used to like reading the fortune telling thing.

SPEAKER_00 12:35

She did, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:35

She was a horoscope girl. I wonder if she still does that. Nick, do you still read your horoscope? I don't think I know that. I've got a job. I never told you about this, did I? I work at WH Smith's on the till. I really don't like it. But at the moment, I have got £165 in the bank and I can buy my own new clothes.

SPEAKER_02 12:58

Oh, that's cute.

SPEAKER_01 13:02

Oh, the excitement. I don't know. There's not a lot of other rubbish things in here, really. Not a lot of it is. I've written like the one of the biggest entries is a description of a really weird dream I have, which I'm definitely not reading now because it's a bit weird. But now I really want to know. I don't even know why you would write about that in a diary, but crap weekend. God, I was really miserable though at times.

SPEAKER_02 13:26

Well, this is what I was noticing. I am really miserable on my last ever diary in here. I have got another diary, which I'm not going to bore you with because it's awful. Um, I'm 18 now, so this is on the 30th of January 1995, but still no wiser. I still fall for dickheads who treat me like shit since I last wrote. So many things have happened, too many to mention, really. I've got four A's and five B's in my GCSEs. Pretty good for a thick bitch. As you can guess, me and Mark Dando didn't last. I don't even remember that. Katie Lewis is seeing him now, and he has been for about 16 months. Nick, Shell, and Cheryl have all had various men, and so have I. None have come to much, e.g., Tony in Magalov. And most recently, Mark Warren. All men are bastards. I don't know what Mark Warren ever did to me.

SPEAKER_01 14:23

Did you go out with Mark Warren? I don't know. I don't remember you going out with Mark Warren.

SPEAKER_02 14:28

I must have done. I mean, what I have got at the back of my diary, which I am mortally ashamed of, is the list.

SPEAKER_01 14:39

Oh, you've got the list. I have uh have I got a list? No, I haven't. No, I haven't. I've not I've not stooped so low.

SPEAKER_02 14:49

Well, let me give you a rundown. Um Johnny Lynch, Rob K, Dom S, Speakman, I think, Aki, Haddie, Jamie, Steh H, Stee C, Matt Hurst, Morris, Cy Baker, Holmes E. Josh, Christy, Mark, Henry, Bookers, Coppo. I don't know who any of these people are.

SPEAKER_01 15:12

Well, you went out with all these people, or you just like them.

SPEAKER_02 15:16

I think these are people I snogged.

SPEAKER_01 15:18

Oh, right. Oh god. All right.

SPEAKER_02 15:20

I mean it's a long list, Katie. I can't deny it. On one of the entries, some bloke at Ritzy.

SPEAKER_01 15:32

Oh no, he didn't even deserve a name. Oh, I'm glad I didn't do that. I'm glad I didn't do that. That's definitely not in here.

SPEAKER_02 15:42

No.

SPEAKER_01 15:42

I mean, a lot of it to be fair, at the back, it's all kind of fallen apart. So, yeah, some of the pages have fell out, which is probably best. Unless I ripped them out. What happened over here?

SPEAKER_02 15:57

I bet you've ripped them out. I bet your list was there on the book.

SPEAKER_01 15:59

I must have done a few. Someone fizzled. Don't know. It's all like just there's a description of my um GCSEs, which is really boring. Skimming over my GCSEs, I just need to go out. I'm trying my best to work hard, but it's really boring, and I've just had enough. Oh dear. Oh, well, do you know what? One thing I did think when I read the last bit of it, I thought, we were we're alright, we turned out alright.

SPEAKER_00 16:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:41

Considering if you read that, you would be completely you wouldn't you wouldn't expect us to turn into two reasonable humans who've had a good life.

SPEAKER_02 16:50

Definitely not. And I do to a certain extent understand why our parents never forgave us for being teenagers. I wonder if it's too late to apologize.

SPEAKER_01 16:58

I think we definitely have to apologize for the rest of my life the way we were.

SPEAKER_02 17:06

Yeah, I think so. I think, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:08

Like I think, yeah, I wouldn't say I was like the best behaved, but I think the the disrespect and the misery was like two years, really.

SPEAKER_02 17:18

And it gives you a bit of an insight into I mean, the fact that still at 18, 19, 20, even sort of in Australia, 21, 22, we still weren't proper fully grown adults, were we? And you know, we expect our kids to be grown up and behave properly and do this, and actually they're not, and we should just let them do what they do and be kids because you don't get much chance to do that once you grow up, do you?

SPEAKER_01 17:45

No, you don't, and you're right. And when do you grow up? I'm not really sure. Um I mean it's probably like when you're over 25 up to 30, really. When you actually when you would say you were a grown-up. I still think we would behave quite a young one like prior to being 25. Yeah, definitely. But it's fine. Yeah, I know it is. I know. There's plenty of time to be old in there. To talk about collagen and all that bullets.

SPEAKER_02 18:14

And optimizing your life and getting up, joining the 5am club and all that kind of shit.

SPEAKER_01 18:18

I mean, we did not even think about that when we were that age. It's way better. I also have a little bit of empathy with my younger self when I read it. I think, oh, you were young, you were trying your best.

SPEAKER_02 18:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:34

You wanted everything, you wanted to fame with everyone. It's funny, isn't it?

SPEAKER_02 18:38

Well, that's how what yeah, and I think both in my Australia diary and in my 14-year-old diary, I felt like all I really wanted was like to just to be accepted, like you can see it in everything that nothing you know didn't feel quite comfortable in yourself, and you wanted a boy, I wanted a boyfriend so much. I didn't want I wanted to snog all those boys or fall in love. No, I know I just wanted a boyfriend, and I just wanted like a partner, I suppose. And yeah, um, and it it's I it just shows that you kind of have to test all these different things, don't you? And test all these relationships and test how things work, and that's just part of growing up, being a teenager.

SPEAKER_01 19:21

It is, it is. Look how well we've turned out.

SPEAKER_02 19:28

Do you know what? I'm gonna have to tell you this, and then we'll we'll better say goodbye. My mum said to me over the weekend, you know, she's the queen of the fucking backhanded yeah, oh yeah, yeah. Compliment is and talking about Freya's exams, and I was like, you know, talking about how she'd not been great with revising and stuff like that. Um she said, Yeah, your dad and I are still not sure we did the right thing with you.

SPEAKER_01 19:53

Oh, what sending you to France?

SPEAKER_02 19:55

Yeah, well, obviously, in in not pushing me to revise as much as they did. Oh right. Why am I a fuck up? Well, yeah, I'm really confused.

SPEAKER_01 20:06

Yeah, no, I know. I don't know what yeah, how you want them to turn out, really. No. I mean, all you ever say is I just want you to be happy, I just want you to be happy. It's true, isn't it? And I wouldn't be getting on with the GTSEs. Is that it?

SPEAKER_02 20:21

Final she's got five more, so she had maths today. Last maths, maths is done forever. Um so she's got this she's really pissed off because everyone finishes on Monday with physics, but Spanish is Tuesday Wednesday. So anyone who's doing Spanish has got two extra days of exams, so she's a bit pissed off about that. But but yeah, she'll she'll be done this time next week. It'll all be over.

SPEAKER_01 20:47

GCSE summer. Get ready to pick her up from that party. That's the first time Olivia was drunk. Oh, yeah, no Freya has been drunk. Yeah, no, I know, but that's the first time with Olivia, and I had to go and pick her up from the party at quarter to ten, and she was stood there like on the on the path, just like swaying. Oh right, I'm sorry, mum. I am sorry, I am sorry. But yeah, it was after when she got a G. I think that was when she got results, actually. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:21

Oh, we've got that to look forward to next, haven't we? Oh, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. We might have to do a podcast special.

SPEAKER_01 21:28

Let's do a podcast special. What are we gonna do 101 next week then?

SPEAKER_02 21:32

Um, yeah, we can do 101.

SPEAKER_01 21:34

We did have another idea, but I can't just well, we were gonna get James on, but he's too don't know what he's doing, so I can't organise that with him.

SPEAKER_02 21:41

Yeah, all right. Well, let's do 101. So we need help from our listeners, um because we need some 101s from you. I have got I thought of one the other day and I forgot to write it down, it'll come back to me. Um, so we need 101s, but I also really want to hear about other people's like diaries. Do people still diary? I don't know. Journaling is, isn't it, your favourite word? And no. Has anyone recently looked back over their diaries? And if they haven't, can we thoroughly encourage you that you do because it's therapy of some sorts?

SPEAKER_01 22:12

It's supposed to be.

SPEAKER_02 22:13

I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 22:14

It is journaling. So when you journal, do you write like good stuff? What do you do with journaling? Is that different to writing a diary?

SPEAKER_02 22:22

Well, journaling's like it can be anything, can't it? Like some people follow a pattern and write, you know, what's good in the day, what they've learned, and all that kind of stuff. Some people just like write stuff down. I've done both. I mean, it helps. I don't know. Does it help? I don't know. I obviously like writing diaries because I've done it for quite a little while, haven't I? So it's just get stuff out of your brain, maybe. I don't know. Yeah. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 22:50

Meh. Meh. I kind of want to forget about what's happened in the day generally. Yeah. Move on to the next thing.

SPEAKER_02 22:59

Well, I'll tell you what, if um, as this plan for a campsite live music venue bar expands, we can do a diary about that.

SPEAKER_01 23:08

Okay, we'll do that. Okay. Vlog.

SPEAKER_02 23:12

A vlog, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:15

We have to do it now. We're kind of like committing ourselves to this. I know, yeah. Online.

SPEAKER_02 23:20

I like it though. That's forcing our hand. Right. Should we say goodbye?

SPEAKER_01 23:23

Right. Let's say goodbye before we waffle anymore. Right, love you.

SPEAKER_02 23:27

Love you, toe. All those years.

SPEAKER_01 23:29

Look, all those years.

SPEAKER_02 23:30

I know, yeah. Proof. If ever we needed it.

SPEAKER_01 23:33

Yeah, it's proof, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 23:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:35

Still friends despite throwing jinx over each other. Oh, yeah. Cool. All right, well, I'll see you next week. All right, see you next week. Bye bye.