Midlife Repeat: Does my Bum look big in this?!

Whilst we are on a break, we're replaying some old episodes you may have missed.  This is one of our most downloaded - have a listen to find out why!

In this episode of Midlife, No Crisis, we dive into the pressures of image and ageing — from the diet culture of the 90s and “heroin chic” to the new focus on strength and self-acceptance.

We share stories of yo-yo diets, dodgy fashion sizes, menopause marketing, and whether collagen really does anything at all. It’s an honest, funny, and relatable chat about how our relationship with our bodies evolves — and how we’re learning (slowly) to give ourselves five stars.

Listener shoutouts, self-given five-star reviews, and a reminder that wrinkles, laughter lines, and damp hair are all part of the midlife magic.

Subscribe, share, and email us at hellomidlife@icloud.com
 — because you might just get a mention next time!

Keep in touch, follow our socials or send an email to hellomidlife@icloud.com.

Transcript

SPEAKER_05 0:22

I think you went too soon then. Hi. Hi.

SPEAKER_03 0:25

Hi. Oh, there you go.

SPEAKER_05 0:26

Good evening.

SPEAKER_03 0:27

Good Friday evening. Good Friday. Good Friday evening to you. Yes. Jolly Friday evening. It isn't jolly, is it? Because it's absolutely persisting it down. Is it raining? Raining?

SPEAKER_04 0:38

Storm Anna, what was it called? Amy. It's Amy. Storm Amy. Storm Amy. Well, it's not really that bad. It's just raining wind.

SPEAKER_03 0:44

Yeah, it's not. We had red warnings for wind, and we've had no wind, but or a little bit of wind, but it's just absolutely peed it down. Stamp squib, I would say. Damp squib, not a storm.

SPEAKER_04 0:57

Damp squid. We always say this as damp squid. Is there a squid?

SPEAKER_05 1:03

What is a squib? What's a squib?

SPEAKER_03 1:06

Do you know?

SPEAKER_05 1:07

No.

SPEAKER_03 1:08

Stamp there. That's the kind of thing DC Solutions would know. Uh but I'm not asking him.

SPEAKER_04 1:14

Uh, because he'd probably give a little five-minute rundown on what a squib is. Anyway, yeah, Storm Amy. It's just rained and it's been really windy. Which to be fair, all of the storms are. Just rain and wind. They're always a disappointment. Stay in your house.

SPEAKER_05 1:31

Trees are going to be overby. Oh, just honestly, it's just that it's raining.

SPEAKER_03 1:38

We live in England. I was listening to the radio on the way home, but we should also say hello and welcome to our podcast. We haven't said. Hi, welcome to our podcast. Midlife No Crisis. Midlife, no crisis, that's it, isn't it? That's what we're called. So I was listening to the radio on the way home, and on Jeremy Vine, they were talking about the fact that they keep making big things of these storms. And this woman came on and she was so northern. She went, she's, I think she had a shop or something, and she was really pissed off that that the weather service kept putting out these red warnings. And every time, every time they put a warning out, Miss Staff go home, no one comes to the shop. She went, in the olden days before these warnings, you'd look out the window and you'd just put your big coat on.

SPEAKER_04 2:25

It's true though, it's true, isn't it? Do you remember the great storm of October 1987? Oh my gosh. Do you remember this? Michael Fair. I was walking down Beaumont Road and I had to hold on to a lamppost.

SPEAKER_06 2:37

Do you?

SPEAKER_04 2:38

I do remember that. I was I was only like how old was I 11? Yeah. My mum came to pick me up. I was holding on to a lamppost because it was scared of getting blown away. So that must have been bad.

SPEAKER_03 2:49

Yeah, I don't I don't I remember the storm happening, but I don't remember myself in the storm or any kind of like realistic detail of it. Flashback, there you go. Anyway. Flashbacks are when storms were real. When storms are real and not these days, pishy little damp squids.

SPEAKER_04 3:06

No, you've got damp squids everywhere.

SPEAKER_03 3:09

So we've got we've got like loads of listeners now, haven't we? We're literally listeners coming out of our ears. Pardon the bum. Oh, ten of them.

unknown 3:17

Nine?

SPEAKER_03 3:18

Yeah. Uh nine on the last podcast, which I think's all right, but we want more, don't we? So we have more. We have to do that cringy thing where we ask people to like share it with their friends and tell everyone how good we are and how much we make you laugh and all that kind of thing. It's a five-star review. Five-star review. Now, so this was my other thing. When I was looking on the thing, on the thing, the thing, thing, we do have a five-star review on podcasts on Apple Podcasts. Maybe I didn't did you give us a five-star review?

SPEAKER_05 3:53

That's how much I think of myself.

SPEAKER_01 3:58

But I think we've got more than one though. Do you think we've got that?

SPEAKER_04 4:00

Well, somebody else can deserve five stars, apart from just myself.

SPEAKER_01 4:04

That's so funny. I love that you did that. I'm gonna have a quick look now.

SPEAKER_03 4:08

So you can start book, on you, at this age. I know. Can't see it on our side of the podcast thing, but when you go into the podcast on Apple Podcasts, we have got reviews. Oh, we've got stars anyway.

SPEAKER_05 4:21

Oh, stars. Well, stars is good.

SPEAKER_03 4:23

I think that's good.

SPEAKER_04 4:24

Give yourself five stars. So give yourself five stars in real life. That's what this podcast is about. Absolutely. Well, that's another alarm. What alarm's that for? That was a high blood glue close alarm. Oh, so what do you have you been eating sweets already? Um, I had some pasta for tea. It's fine. It'll go back down.

SPEAKER_03 4:47

Oh, is this so did you when you did your review, did you write some words?

SPEAKER_04 4:53

No. Oh no, you're not.

SPEAKER_01 4:59

We've got a review from Monday. Great insight into what it must be like to be really old, like really old. I don't know if I'm not.

SPEAKER_00 5:13

Thank you, whoever wrote that. That's ace. We want more comedy reviews, that would be brilliant.

SPEAKER_03 5:19

Really old. And because we've got like loads of listeners or 20 so so listens, we've got a web uh not a website. God, we're not that excited yet, are we? We've got an email address though, haven't we? So if people want to email us nice things and things that they want us to talk about, then email us on hello midlife at iCloud.com because we can't afford to have our own web address yet, but we will do soon. We will when we're multi-millionaire podcasters.

SPEAKER_04 5:55

Instagram page.

SPEAKER_03 5:57

Yeah, and just give us more ratings because I love that. We've got five stars. Oh, so that wasn't just no. So we've got five ratings of five hours.

SPEAKER_05 6:08

Why have you not given it five stars? Why have you not given it five stars? I've just done it now. Oh right, good. So we've got six five stars now. You can't trust yourself to give yourself five stars. Who can you trust? Right.

SPEAKER_03 6:23

So we've done the sell, so everyone has to listen and keep listening and subscribe, although I don't know how that works. Um tell your friends about us and listen to us more, and email us and tell us things about yourself, and maybe we'll talk about you on our next podcast.

SPEAKER_06 6:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 6:54

So shall we move on to the main event? Talk about what we're talking about.

SPEAKER_04 6:58

Which image. Image. Well, is it image? Image as you get older or just general image of through life?

SPEAKER_03 7:05

I I think, yeah, probably image as you get older, but I think we probably have a look at it through life, don't you? Because the way you feel about yourself comes from where you started, doesn't it?

SPEAKER_04 7:18

So yeah, it's a difficult one, I think, at our age, really. You're not allowed to be 50, you're not allowed to have a wrinkles, you're not allowed to be 50. You're not allowed to put any weight on. You still need to look like you're 25.

SPEAKER_03 7:33

Well, do you think that, or do you think I think there's two camps? Like I think there is still that camp, and I think that there is still a lot of people who put that pressure on themselves to not look their age. But I also think there's this maybe smaller camp of people who just embrace how they are and the fact that they are 50, and that, well, we're not 50 yet, we're only 49. But how I don't know, I suppose the way that you look isn't everything that it should what am I trying to say? I can't get words out. The way that you look shouldn't define you. That's where I was trying to get to. So I think there's probably two distinct groups of people at our age.

SPEAKER_04 8:17

And does it? Do you think it does define you though? Or has it defined you throughout the years? Like has it bothered you throughout the years? Because it certainly hasn't mean.

SPEAKER_03 8:25

Yeah, 100%. I have, even though I'm a grown 49-year-old woman who is financially independent, who has her own house, who works, who does all of that thing, still look at myself in the mirror and go, you're really fat and ugly. Well, no, but no, no, no, probably not that. Well, you don't do that. But I like when I'm outwardly saying, I'm absolutely fan of the way I look, and I don't judge myself, and I'd be kind to myself, and I'm really proud of my achievements, and I'm really fit and I'm healthy and all of those things. If I step on those fucking scales, if I step on the scales, I define myself by the number on the scale.

SPEAKER_04 9:14

And because you're still living in the 90s.

SPEAKER_03 9:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 9:18

In it. Yeah, exactly. I don't do that anymore. That is one thing I don't do. When I used to do that, oh, I was terrible. I mean, I was thinking the other day about like weight and how I went to oh I'm on this bloody thing. I'm gonna turn it off. Um, how I how I went to Rosemary Conley. Do you remember her, Rosemary Conley? I do remember Rosemary Conley, yeah. So she used to do diet clubs, obviously, like Slimming World, and used to do an exercise class as well, part of that. I went to that. For the first time I went, I was nine and a half stone. And I went to a slimming club.

SPEAKER_00 10:03

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_04 10:04

I can't remember how old I must have been. I must have been about 17 or 18. It was me and Emma. Yeah, me and Emma used to go. It's terrible. It's like why did they let you? Why did they let you? Why did you not go? Hang on a minute, you're 18 years of age and you're weighing nine and a half stone. I've gone down to eight and a half stone. I lost a stone and got down to eight and a half stone.

SPEAKER_03 10:27

Because they're a commercial organization, they actually didn't care about you losing weight, they just cared about getting you onto the system and keeping you there, don't they? I mean, that's how Weight Watchers survived all those years. They didn't care about actually women losing weight, it was a money-making operation. But we come from a generation, don't we? So I remember, I only remember, ever remember, sorry, growing up, the fact that my mum was on a diet. She was on a diet. I don't ever remember her not being on a diet. And she did it all. She did Rosemary Connolly, she did Weight Watchers, she did the bloody cabbage soup diet, she did the oh god, remember that. Yeah. She did it all. And she was never big. And she says now, I'm sure she would say if we asked her, like, she was never big when she started dieting. It was just wanting that extra half stone off or whatever, like after kids. She said, as soon as she started on that diet, then she started yo-yoing. And she then she's done that for the rest of her life.

SPEAKER_04 11:38

Yeah, and that's what happens, isn't it? If you start doing a diet like that. And it's it's it's dangerous, not good. My grandma was permanently on a diet.

SPEAKER_02 11:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 11:49

And she starved herself to death.

SPEAKER_02 11:52

And that and well, that's horrific, isn't it?

SPEAKER_04 11:55

Actually, did it it's really yeah, the heroine chic in the nineties it's got a lot to answer for. What was the really, really tall one?

SPEAKER_02 12:15

Oh, I don't know about any of their names. Jodie Kidd. Jodie Kidd, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 12:22

She was oh, she was super skinny. But like, if you look at me now, there was no way on earth I was ever gonna look like any of those women. Like, it just would never have happened in a million years. Like I was never, I wasn't gonna be a skinny model. But to be bombarded with those images every week when they used to buy those magazines, like imagine what it's like now. Imagine what it would have been like, like Instagram and having all of these pictures every single day. Oh god, it must be awful. But that's what they have, that's what they have, don't they? It's terrible, but then on the flip side, they do seem to. I don't know whether this is true, and actually you might be able to answer this because you've got Freya who is right in the mix of that because she's nearly 16. But they seem to have a better body image, I think. Well I think race like being, I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 13:19

On the whole, they definitely are more positive about their bodies. I think Freya's got a couple of friends who have some insecurities, but I would say on the whole, they are a lot more body positive than we were, like, definitely more confident, like all kind of shapes and sizes, and there's no judgment. I mean, if you think about think about back to our sort of maybe late teens, early twenties, and you had all those lads mags, didn't you? So do you remember I can't remember what any of them were called, but they were horrific, were loaded. That was one.

SPEAKER_04 13:51

And then not one, not have I made that one. Nuts was one, yeah, nuts was one, definitely.

SPEAKER_03 13:56

Yeah, and like our iconic women of our age, so you take the Zoe Balls and the Sarah Coxes and all that, they would go in those magazines and they would promote that body image, wouldn't they? And then you have magazines like Heat. So do you remember Heat used to do, was it the circle of shame? And they would get a picture of a celebrity in a really compromising or really unflattering p position, and they would put a red circle around something. Yeah, or look at that cellulite, or oh my god, look at the bulgy tummy there. So you couldn't you could never feel comfortable because it was judgy, it was always so judgy, wasn't it?

SPEAKER_04 14:38

Yeah, and what what are you striving for?

SPEAKER_02 14:40

Perfection, like and actually, what does perfection ever give you? Because then you've got to maintain it, haven't you?

SPEAKER_04 14:49

Yeah, well, yeah, hence the yo-yo dieting and the constant chasing of things that maybe not can't get. But what do you do? I reckon now the kids with looking at Instagram, and I don't know whether I've got this completely wrong, but it it seems to me you've got sporty women who are promoting strength. That for me is really positive for girls to be looking at, isn't it? Yeah, I feel like for me, I'm a lot more comfortable now because I go to the gym and I'm stronger.

SPEAKER_02 15:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 15:19

And yeah, there are things that you want to, I think everyone's the same, you kind of want to change this, and you look, I'd rather have a flat stomach in this dress or trousers. You know, it's just that's the way you are. But I do think the promotion of being strong is good, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:36

And I love all the lionesses and the red roses, and all the percent. I think they're brilliant, and I think the the the athletes, so all the team GB athletes during the various Commonwealth Games and Olympics are all brilliant because they do promote a more positive body image because it's about what your body can do, not what your body looks like.

SPEAKER_04 15:58

Yes, but and you're applauded for being strong, yeah, and being fit, and that's what you're getting applauded for. You're not getting applauded for being skinny and having clothes hanging off you, which is what it used to be.

SPEAKER_03 16:14

Yeah, bloody clothes, though. I mean, that's the bane of our lives as well, isn't it? If you think about sizes of clothes, but like it drives me insane where you go into one shop and you're a 12, and then you go into another shop and you're a 10, and you go into another shop and you're 14. You can literally have a roller coaster shopping trip of I'm really skinny because you account like 10 being skinny to on the right fat cow because a 14's fat, but it's none of that's true, is it? Because 10's not skinny and 14's not fat, but that's the conditioning that we've grown up with.

SPEAKER_04 16:48

I hate shopping. I hate shopping. I can't, I can't do it. I just have to order stuff online now. If I go shopping, like especially at Irish, just sweat. Yeah, and then I look at myself in the mirror and I'm like, this is like shiny red mess in front of me. Like the clothes, I've never seen you shiny red. Oh no, honestly, if I go shopping, I get really angry and then everything gets oh, I want this. Get me out of here, get me out of here.

SPEAKER_03 17:17

I think it's I like clothes, I do love clothes, and I love getting dressed, and I love like putting outfits together and all that kind of thing. I just hate you buying them, it's just depressing.

SPEAKER_04 17:29

I didn't uh see, do I like clothes? I'm not really bothered.

SPEAKER_02 17:32

Oh, I do. I love it.

SPEAKER_04 17:34

I don't like looking a mess particularly, but no, yeah, you you do like clothes at you.

SPEAKER_03 17:39

Yeah, I always have, but then I suppose, yeah, that's just like some people like doing the hair, don't they, or makeup or whatever. I just like clothes. So do you get so you are on some social I know you don't love social media, but you are on social media button now that you're like perimenopausal, stroke menopausal, do you get hammered with people trying to sell products for your age?

SPEAKER_04 18:05

Yeah. So what's menopause? What's the world? Menopausal that I mean god it's all the supplements. Don't have this collagen, I've that collagen, I've this protein, I've that protein. Like it it have this tablet, like there's too many. There's too many, and what what is actually good? I mean, to be fair, a lot of the supplements I I have looked at now. I thought I'll do my research and find out scientifically is this gonna do me any good. I'm not like collagen, I'm not sold on collagen. I I did try it because I think I had a wrinkled face one day and lost me rag. And thought, right, I'm gonna start drinking this stuff and my coffee. And then after about two months, I thought, my face looks exactly the same. So my face looks the same, and my coffee tastes like shit.

SPEAKER_05 18:59

So bother.

SPEAKER_03 19:01

Well, do you know what? I was I can't remember where we've seen it's this week I've seen it, maybe it was on a social media post, and it was someone talking about collagen and saying, if you think about it now, like think about collagen really sensibly. Like you want the collagen to get to your skin. So, first of all, you take it in tablet form or you take it in liquid form, whatever. So it's got to get through your gut. It's got to get through your gut, so it's got to do that first, and the little bits of collagen that make it through your gut then have to get through your system and into your bloodstream. And after that, it's got to get through three layers of epidermis to get to that upper layer of skin to pop out the wrinkles to make you look younger. I mean, we're all spending like hundreds and hundreds of pounds and basically pissing this stuff out, aren't we?

SPEAKER_04 19:48

Yeah, it's yeah, absolutely. And I do think the skin is to do with your food and drinking little water, yeah, yeah, and your genetics. Yeah, I think it is a hundred percent genetics. I generally don't. Yeah. People have wrinkled skin, it is what it is.

SPEAKER_03 20:08

Yeah, because if you look at you took like a lined all of our friends up, for example, we all look completely different. We're all exactly the same age. Yeah, yeah. We've all lived relatively similar lifestyle in terms of what we've done and families and kids and travel and life, like what we've done drinking-wise, and all that kind of thing. But we've all got completely different complexions and skin, haven't we? And that's just genetics. Although I think we all pretty good. Well, I think we're all pretty good, but I do think that we're maybe a little bit. I know I don't know where I am.

SPEAKER_04 20:43

I don't know.

SPEAKER_05 20:44

I always look at us a lot and think, ah, look at us, we look amazing.

SPEAKER_04 20:47

We all look like you're people probably think, okay, what no?

SPEAKER_03 20:52

I keep expecting for people to stop me and go, I can't believe you're nearly 50.

SPEAKER_04 21:00

Oh god. I don't know. Some days I some days I can look at myself and think, do you know what? You look alright today. Other days I think I look awful. Yeah. And no getting out of that really. But then that goes with your mood as well, like you have good moods and bad moods, and I think I don't know, you can be down on yourself anyway, can't you?

SPEAKER_03 21:20

Maybe we should do like an experiment and take a picture of ourselves every day with attached to how we feel about ourselves as a way of demonstrating that actually the way you look doesn't change, it's just the way you feel that changes.

SPEAKER_04 21:36

It does, doesn't it? One thing that my mum always said to me, always look after your hair and your teeth. And she was told that, she was told that by I can't remember who. And I just kind of stuck with me, and I was like, actually, no, I'm gonna look after my hair and my teeth.

SPEAKER_03 21:53

And I have always done because they do age you, don't they, if you think about it, hair and teeth. It does age. Yeah, I would say, yeah. Have good hair. Right, that's good advice from Jillian. I like that.

SPEAKER_05 22:04

There you go.

SPEAKER_03 22:06

So, what are your thoughts on the whole weight loss culture and a Zempic and all the chess that people are doing at the moment?

SPEAKER_04 22:14

Uh God, well, right, so with Mounjaro, is it Moundjaro and Azempic, the weight loss injections? I think that if people are overweight, like quite overweight, and they're struggling to lose it, then I think it's a it's a good thing in that and when I'm saying overweight, I mean like quite a lot of overweight.

SPEAKER_06 22:39

I'm talking like five stone or whatever.

SPEAKER_04 22:42

So it kind of inhibits your ability to exercise. So if you're overweight, you probably get into that. This is difficult. Like going to a walk is a lot more difficult, everything's difficult. And I do think for that perspective, if you took it and then you were like, right, I've lost that weight, now I'm gonna start exercising and I've got more energy and blah blah blah. Get that. What I don't like is people who are like a size 12 taking it, and I don't I don't like the side effects of it, it scares me. I don't know why you would do it.

SPEAKER_03 23:19

It's the side effects more than anything for me. The fact that it makes you sick and it gives you diarrhea.

SPEAKER_05 23:26

I don't eat food, I love food.

SPEAKER_03 23:28

I know.

SPEAKER_05 23:29

No, but I don't get it, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:32

There's a lady that I know through I won't say how because I don't want it to connect back, but and I know that she's always been obsessed with how she looks and she has done all sorts, and I think she had did she have a tummy, not a tummy tuck, no, she had a stomach stapled, and that worked she's not massive, and that worked a little bit, but it wasn't enough for her. So then she's gone on to a Zenpik and she's lost quite a lot of weight, and now she's having a tummy tuck, and she's I think she's mid-50s, maybe a little bit more. I just think by the time, like even now, I'm like, I don't know if I can really be arsed anymore, even though in my head, and it's it is always about weight for me more than anything, like I always hate myself because of weight, even though I'm not a big person, but it it just irritates me. But even now, I think I can't be arsed doing all of that, I don't actually care enough.

SPEAKER_04 24:31

No, I know what you mean. No, I don't either either. Who are you doing it for? That's a good question. Who are you doing it because you genuinely feel like you're not going to be happy unless you're a certain size? Are you doing it because you want to look better for your partner? I mean, a lot of it is just about well, this is what is always said that it's for other women, that women do it to look better for other women. It's like this competition type thing. I don't know whether that's true or not, really, but I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 25:05

I think that's probably right actually, because I don't actually think men give a crap, do they?

SPEAKER_04 25:10

Probably not, no. Well, if you're with somebody and they love you, they shouldn't really be they shouldn't be happy that you're taking an injection to No.

SPEAKER_03 25:19

Should they? Unless it's a health thing, then in which case obviously then it's not a thing to do, but I don't know.

unknown 25:29

No.

SPEAKER_04 25:30

Like I don't it doesn't make sense. That's what I mean to make sense to me. Like for your partner, they want to go out for a nice meal with you, don't they? I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 25:39

Maybe I'll just mind controversially then on the opposite side of that coin. I don't know how controversial we can go on this. How do you feel about women who absolutely celebrate being big? You know, the kind of the bigger the better. And what do you think about that?

SPEAKER_04 26:02

No, I don't think you should. Is that controversial? Yeah, because it's so no, if you're like really overweight, it's not healthy, and there's no getting away from that.

unknown 26:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 26:21

If you're if you're 25 stone, I mean I don't 25 stone, is that right? But you're not you're not you're not leaving the house if you're 25 stone. Well, okay, yeah, you know what I mean. That's really unhealthy. So you you're not alright, you're confident, and I appreciate you probably saying, look, I don't give a shit what people think, which is fair enough. If you don't give a shit what people think, that's fine. We can't go around saying that it's good, it it it's not, it's not no, no, no, it's a difficult one, isn't it?

SPEAKER_03 26:52

I think I suppose ultimately it's people learning to be happy in themselves, but that's really hard to achieve when we've got the media forcing images on us, left, right, and centre, about what good looks like. So it's finding the balance between healthiness, being healthy, eating the right food, and you know, not piling on chocolate every night or whatever, and then also about being comfortable in yourself, isn't it? So finding that right balance, I suppose, is the way to do it. But I I don't know, I don't think I've got there.

SPEAKER_04 27:35

But you have to do like you do have to eat eat well, but eat so you enjoy it as well. It's like exercising. If you do it because you enjoy it and it makes you feel better. Like I went to the gym this morning. I I didn't go to the gym because I was thinking, oh god, I need to like I'm gonna eat, I've eaten some cake last night, I need to burn that off. You know, like some people, or back in the day I would have done like, oh my god, I ate all that food last night, I'm gonna have to go for an hour run to get rid of. I went because it switches my mood in the morning.

SPEAKER_02 28:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 28:08

And I feel better. And also, if you go to the gym, you then don't want to eat as much crap because you do feel better. Um, and it is it I I do think that is a good way of like setting out your day. Oh, I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 28:22

It's so I suppose it's hitting the basics, isn't it? It's eating the right stuff, it's drinking enough, like as in hydration, drinking, not alcohol. I'm drinking enough alcohol sometimes. It's sleep is massive, isn't it? I find sleep really affects me. I've had a couple of, I mean, we're not doing the M-word yet, but I've had a horrific M-word couple of weeks of feeling crap, and I've really helped hit the self-destruct button really over the last two weeks, and my sleep's it's mainly because my sleep's been out the window. I think as soon as your sleep is deteriorating, everything else goes with it. So getting basics because you're tired and you can't be asked to eat in, and you just want comfort food, and and I've not had as much time to exercise and all of those things, and I can see it, I can see that spiral starting. Um so you have to hit your basics of eating the right food, drinking enough water, getting enough sleep, doing the exercise because you want to, not because you feel like you have to.

SPEAKER_04 29:26

And yeah, and if you do you does your brain automatically go to oh right, I've got to go to the gym, I've got to go for a run because those trousers are gonna be tight on me because I've eaten like badly for three or four days. Do you feel like that still?

SPEAKER_03 29:40

Like no, I like I've got such a working out habit. Like I love working out. Yeah, I used to do it every day, and I've obviously dialed that back because that's not healthy either, is it? That I do feel guilty if I haven't worked out. I have a guilt about not doing something. I do as well. I do. But I think that's a good thing because it's not about for me, it's not about losing weight, it's just that exercise, because I know how good exercise is for me. Like I know, and like you said before, I like the fact that I've mindset changed from doing all that cardio and hit that we used to do in our early 40s, mid-40s to strength training and being strong. And I mean, I'm not lifting ridiculous weights and I still can't do a pull-up, but I'm definitely stronger than I was, and I'm maintaining that muscle mass. Can you hear my dog crying by the way? He's crying because he wants to come in. I'm gonna have to let him in.

SPEAKER_04 30:40

I can't imagine the dog gives a shit about his body image.

SPEAKER_03 30:44

No, he doesn't. Oh, wait, he also doesn't give a shit about my body image.

SPEAKER_04 30:47

So see, there you go. Unconditional love.

SPEAKER_03 30:51

Exactly. We should all just have a dog, shouldn't we?

SPEAKER_04 30:56

It's funny how you should like you should see yourself through other people's eyes. That's what everybody always says, isn't it? Because if I was to look at you, I think you're beautiful and you've got your shit together, and it's all and and you never you always you're your own worst critic every time. You would always look in the mirror and go straight to the lumpy bit, the um the this bit doesn't lump it. You pick it up. Someone else probably looks at the amazing part of you and how great you look.

SPEAKER_03 31:26

Yeah. Well they don't even look at you, do they? Because when you're with your friends, like I mean, obviously, I you don't though. I kind of just come away from a meal with Madeline and Emma, who I mean Emma I saw this year, but I've not seen Madeline for a long time. And all I really care about is being with them and talking to them and laughing and remembering things, and you don't look at them, do you, in that way? I'm not looking at her and thinking, Oh my god, you look old, I've not seen you for a couple of years. Not that she does, by the way, because she doesn't, but that's not what I'm thinking at all. And that comes back to our original point is the your appearance is not who you are.

SPEAKER_04 32:05

It's not it's not, and it's not what people like about you, is it?

SPEAKER_00 32:10

No.

SPEAKER_04 32:11

Because your friends aren't gonna look at you and go we shouldn't put those trousers on, your backside's massive, your belly's hanging up. Like your friends don't do that. Your friends just just don't look at you in that way. And if you do feel judged by other people, then that that's that's not your problem. Well, no, it's not, not really.

SPEAKER_03 32:34

That that's their problem, isn't it?

SPEAKER_04 32:35

Yeah, of course it is.

SPEAKER_03 32:38

So have we nailed appearances?

unknown 32:41

I think so.

SPEAKER_03 32:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 32:43

Both beautiful. We've both got five stars.

SPEAKER_03 32:47

We give each other a five star rating. It's about the basics, isn't it? And it's about appreciating. It always comes down to appreciating what you've got, doesn't it? Everything in life, really, is just about we've just got to appreciate that we've got two arms and two legs that we can get ourselves from A to B that we can bear the weight of life, can't we? And we could just crack on with it. So right, so next time we'll either have our two daughters. Well, I might have my two daughters. Let's get a guest speaker on. I think we need a guest speaker, and we're gonna talk about something like traveling on holidays or maybe music, and we can talk about mine and Freya's oasis experience last week.

SPEAKER_04 33:34

Yeah, oh I love music, that's my best.

SPEAKER_03 33:37

Yeah, I know. I mean, that could uh be another 10 podcasts, couldn't it? Music. Yeah, it could. Yeah. Do you know as an aside, and then we'll finish. Can you hear the dog drinking now as well? It's like he really wants to be on this podcast. Oh, Freya. Freya, Freya's got your skill of listening to a song once and then knowing every single word. Yes, it's so irritating. I know all the words. I know all the words for all the songs. She literally likes she's every single song that comes on, she knows every single lyric.

SPEAKER_01 34:10

How do you do that? I don't care. I'm the same. I'm exactly the same.

SPEAKER_03 34:14

I know you've all I've always been envious of your skill to do that, and now I've got a daughter that can do it as well. It's magic. Magic, magic. I can see why that works. So shall we go? So and a reminder, a reminder to everyone to email us on hello hello midlife at iCloud.com. Five stars. Give us good some ratings.

SPEAKER_04 34:38

Leave us more reviews, even though we're old. Really, really, really old. We are so old.

SPEAKER_05 34:48

I would say good night. Yeah, all right. Happy night. Love you. Love you.