When Words and Actions Don’t Match — Believe the Actions

Welcome back to 60’s Street. I’m Andie and today we explore why words and actions must align — especially when building trust in romantic relationships. I unpack why women, can still fall for beautiful promises that are never backed by consistent effort, and what that mismatch really signals. If you’ve ever felt confused, anxious, or stuck between what he says and what he does, this conversation is for you. 

Transcript

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Hey beautiful souls, welcome back to 60 Street. I'm Andy, and I'm so glad you're here. Today we're talking about something that sounds simple, but will save you years of heartbreak if you truly absorb it. So grab your journal, pour yourself a cup of tea, and together let's unpack words and actions. When words and actions don't match, look to the actions. Whether you've been in a relationship for a while, building a new relationship, dating, or you've been holding on to a man who promises dates or romantic weekends away or a future with him, but somehow never follows through? This conversation is for you. So why does it matter if words and actions aren't the same? Here's why. Matching words and actions is a necessity, because misaligned words and actions make us doubt ourselves, erodes our self-trust, and over time it chips away at our self worth. Trust is not built on chemistry, not built on potential, not built on promises that never come to fruition. Trust is built on consistency. Psychologists refer to this as say do correspondence. We might refer to it simply as following through. When someone says I want to see you and they make plans and keep them, says you matter to me, and their behavior reflects effort, time, and intention, that consistency creates emotional safety, builds trust and intimacy. Without it, you're living in a house built on shifting sand. So why do actions matter more than words? How about words are easy, words are cheap. Actions, on the other hand, require effort, time, energy, thought. Anyone can say I love you, but making time for you, even when they are busy, that takes effort. Following through on plans, including you and their life, that shows intention, and actions are tangible because they are measurable and they leave a footprint. Words create possibility, actions create reality. And here's where many women, yes, brilliant, experienced women in their sixties get caught. They fall in love through their ears. While working on the picture of Dorian Gray, Oscar Wilde is quoted as saying, Women love with their ears, men love with their eyes. Wilde's perceived difference in how genders experience attraction emphasize that women are more receptive and responsive to emotional, auditory, or verbal input, while men are more visual. So when a man tells you, I've never felt this way before, I see a future with you, our natural response is we're riding high on a romantic cloud, and it feels intoxicating. But then something starts to happen, plans get canceled, texts slow down, or the tone changes, and he may only show effort when there's a reward of sex. Promises shift, excuses multiply, and suddenly we find ourselves in a quiet internal struggle. Our mind tries to minimize the uncomfort our body is feeling. That uncomfortable tension, that anxiety, is our brain and body trying to reconcile two very conflicting, mixed messages. His words say one thing, actions say another. And trying to make those two align is emotionally and physically draining. When someone's behavior is inconsistent, anxiety creeps in. We start scanning for signs, analyzing tone, wondering what is wrong. Inconsistency creates instability, and that instability makes us feel unsafe at our very core. Even if you can't articulate it or your mind wants to excuse it, your body knows. Your nervous system feels the cracks in the foundation. So let's lovingly consider why we get duped by words. Hmm. How about not only are women naturally more responsive to emotional, auditory or verbal input, we also have been socialized and conditioned to being pursued, chosen by men. And many of us were raised to give the benefit of the doubt, believe in potential, and be optimists when it comes to love. Let me say this gently. Optimism without boundaries becomes self abandonment. When a man consistently uses words to string you along, but does not follow through, that's information, not for him, for you. Here's something to consider. Sadly, some men are only interested in the emotional high of romance. It's all about them, how you make them feel. They thrive on the admiration and attention they get from you. And gaining access to you is just another part of their game. It gives them validation, feeds their ego, and they are not interested in commitment, regardless of what they communicate to you. So they keep you engaged with language, words to keep you on the hook. If he says he'll prioritize quality time, promises date night, then something comes up again and again, not once, but over time. That's information. Your body is asking you to process. Because as we said, language is cheap, far cheaper than effort and intention. And here's something that might sting, but it will free you. Accept that behavior never lies. If he says you're a priority, but only sees you at his convenience or when there's a promise of sex, the action is the truth. Says he wants commitment but refuses to define the relationship. The action is the truth. If he says he values you but disappears when the relationship starts to feel real, the action is the truth. Words create stories, behavior reveals truth. So let's consider ways we can protect ourselves from emotionally unavailable, unhealed, and avoidant men. How about if we step out of the societal box that conditioned us to be chosen? And we give ourselves permission to notice, observe patterns, and change our mind when new information presents itself. Everyone drops the ball sometimes, but repeated inconsistency is information. And when that pattern reveals itself, we need to call it out calmly, directly, but definitely address it. If we say I value consistency, when we make plans I expect them to be honored. A last minute change or cancellation makes me question your reliability and my importance. Watch the response. Does he shift blame, minimize your feelings? Or does he take responsibility and adjust? His reaction is more information. See what follows and believe what you see. That's clarity. When words and actions don't match, it doesn't just disappoint you. It destabilizes you. And these wounds are hard to heal. Because you're trying to build emotional intimacy from mixed messages. You start to question your worth. Am I overreacting? Am I asking for too much? You're asking for respect and consistency. Respect and consistency are the bare minimum requirements for building trust, intimacy, and they are a non-negotiable. If you are constantly confused in a relationship, feel more anxious than at peace, are relying on his words to reassure you because his actions don't, you are in misalignment, and staying in that space chips away at your self-trust, your self-worth. And this is where boundaries come in. Recall, boundaries protect your peace, self-respect. Boundaries aren't to keep people out. They are to allow the right ones in. And every time we ignore evidence to preserve hope, you abandon yourself just a little bit more. If we want aligned partners, we must practice alignment ourselves. Integrity and respect begins from within. When our words match our actions, we strengthen our own self-trust, honor our worth, and that energy attracts better because we will no longer accept less. Here's something to consider. When someone is serious about a relationship with you, they will act upon it. It's what I call the felt need. Now stay with me here because it's a real term. The felt need is an emotional state characterized as a desire for something cherished, valued, sacred, which leads to actions, actions to secure, protect, obtain that object of affection. In other words, if he wants you, he establishes clear steps forward to find commitment, visible effort, not vague statements about someday, not romantic poetry with no plan. And if these things are absent, pay attention. Recall, words will keep you on the hook. Actions will show you where you really are. Before we part ways, this week in your journal, I invite you to set aside words, put in earplugs, and begin a simple practice of observation. Take a moment to reflect on how you feel in the relationship. No fantasizing about potential, no filling in gaps with hope. Instead, ask yourself, do they follow through? Do their actions reduce anxiety or increase it? Do their words and actions match? This is not about becoming guarded or cynical. It's about strengthening your self-trust, honoring your worth. If after thirty days the actions match the words, awesome. Exhale and lean in. If it doesn't, well, let that answer guide you. Say to yourself out loud, I give myself permission to honor who I am. Consistency is my love language. Words and actions align. Effort is visible. I will accept nothing less for myself. Ladies, at this stage of our lives, we are not auditioning, not performing, we are not waiting to be chosen. We are choosing a partner who can meet us where we are right now. Remember, you are deserving of pleasure, respect, of consistency, and everything that a healthy relationship has to offer. Well, that's all for today. Thank you for cruising down 60 Street with me. If this episode reminded you of just how damn worthy you are, subscribe, share. You can always drop me a note at 60street podcast at gmail.com. Until next time, stay wild, stay well, stay unapologetically. You