#23: Emotional And Energetic Hygiene Are Non-Negotiables

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This episode goes deep into the importance of emotional cleanliness and energetic hygience. When we accumulate unprocessed emotions over time, it creates interference in our relationships. Everything starts to feel like an attack, vulnerable conversations feel like barriers, and the intimacy erodes.

Jessica and Isaac share real advice for cleaning up your emotional and energetic field so you can love deeply, act with clarity, and stop reliving the past. 

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Before I really had any awareness of emotional and energetic hygiene, you know, life was just fine. It was bad.

SPEAKER_02 0:10

As the emotional and energetic trash gets taken out, the body will change. For sure.

SPEAKER_00 0:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 0:18

Energetic, emotional, and physical hygiene are non-negotiables for your ideal life.

SPEAKER_00 0:24

Our emotions aren't actually our enemies, they're our allies. And they're actually signposts pointing us in the direction of more wholeness and freedom.

SPEAKER_02 0:35

Whatever pain you're feeling, I promise you, this work is like the answer. Welcome to the Well Worship Man podcast, where men come to build unshakable presence, become the rock in their relationships, and build a legacy that lasts beyond their years. Here, we explore the path to mature masculinity through humble power, daily devotion, and unwavering integrity.

SPEAKER_00 1:00

Thanks, baby. And before we dive in today, if you haven't already, make sure that you subscribe to the podcast and leave us a rating. It helps us out so much as we continue to spread this message of healthy relationship, secure, passionate relationship, and healthy masculinity. What are we talking about today, baby?

SPEAKER_02 1:22

Today we are talking about one of my personal favorite things: emotional and energetic hygiene.

SPEAKER_00 1:30

Okay. So this is something that you introduced me to, or you helped me see the importance of it was much greater than I had formerly known. And I think more people know about physical hygiene than they do emotional and energetic hygiene. So tell us, Jessica, this is what you're an expert on. What is emotional and energetic hygiene?

SPEAKER_02 1:56

So the best way to explain it is in this comparison to physical hygiene. And so we have a physical body and we shower and we wash our hair and our skin and our hands in order to keep clean, prevent disease, and prevent buildup of dirt and smells and all of these things. And when you do something like take a bath or shower, you feel better afterwards. Even if you didn't really feel like getting in the shower at the time. So emotional and energetic hygiene are the same. They're just for your emotional body and your energetic body. And the reason most people don't know as much about it is because we live in a world based on physicality. And so we think that the most important thing is our physical needs, such as physical hygiene. But actually, just because something isn't seen doesn't mean that it's not real. And just because something isn't seen doesn't mean that it's not important. And so emotional hygiene is basically cleaning up our emotional body, taking inventory of what emotions are building up the same way dirt would build up on your body. What emotions have I not sat with, washed, clean, so to speak, so that my heart can stay open and my emotions are fresh for the next thing spirit has for me. And energetic hygiene is similar, but it's for your energetic body. You know, what types of energies have I come in contact with recently that maybe didn't make me feel so good, that need to be cleansed from my system? And what am I holding on to that actually might not be mine, but maybe got stuck to me, so to speak, the same way that dirt would get stuck to your physical body? So we'll start there as with you know the definition of it. And maybe we can span expand upon each of them as we go.

SPEAKER_00 3:53

Yeah. Well, before we expand on each of them as we go, um, since you're the person that introduced this to me, how did it get introduced to you? Because it's such an integral part of your life. Like you have the best hygiene, physical, energetic, and emotional of anybody that I know. So, how did the significance of emotional and energetic hygiene make itself known in your life?

SPEAKER_02 4:22

For me, it was a matter of learning through my own journey. I think one of the gifts in this life is that we get to learn things from other people. And because it's part of my path to teach people this work, it was also part of my path to learn it the hard way on my own. And so, in my life experience, I am quite the sensitive person. And for a long time, I didn't know that I had all of this like emotional and energetic buildup. And that's part of the unseen. You don't know until you know. And so instead of having practices to sit with my emotions and clear them, or practices that allowed me to understand clearing energetic buildup, I coped. You know, I knew that I didn't feel good. I knew that I felt heavy. And I knew that there were things that I wanted to feel differently, but my strategy for it was addiction and self-harm and numbing these sensations with various people and substances over time until I finally started to learn how to sit with what was present. And that really is, as we go on to talk about this, like that is what emotional and energetic hygiene is, is learning to sit with it. Because if you don't know what the inventory is, if you don't know what you're holding, then you cannot possibly know what to clean. You know, if you don't know what room is yours in the house, then you can't know that it's your responsibility to clean either. And so my path was very much like being very sick and then learning that emotional and energetic hygiene were tools and medicinal qualities that I was missing that were contributing to, you know, that heaviness, that depression, that anxiety that I was feeling.

SPEAKER_00 6:16

Yeah, it's like for physical hygiene, when we don't take care of that, we start to accumulate a physical mess, whether it's dirty clothes in our bedroom or dirt on our skin. And the same thing happens on the energetic and the emotional side when we don't actively and consciously choose to clean up, to clear, to organize, to make sense of, we accumulate those things on top of us, and it manifests often as physical disease and mental distress. And so it's really important for everybody. And your story is one of a highly sensitive woman. And we hear this all the time of some people are highly sensitive. But I actually think everyone is highly sensitive. I agree. And because we're all so highly sensitive, we learn to turn down the signal and we learn to insulate ourselves from the senses, especially when we haven't been taught the practices of and the tools of emotional and energetic hygiene, because the the layers of accumulation of this plaque just become too much. And so we have to artificially reduce our sensitivity.

SPEAKER_02 7:27

Yeah. And so I'd like to talk about emotional hygiene first because energetic hygiene, the way that I'm seeing it, creates a little bit of a crossover between emotional and physical. So when we talk about emotional hygiene, this imagery that you're talking about, where if I don't clean a space, things build up and there's negative consequences for that. And as you're talking, I'm thinking about okay, the same is true of emotions. If I don't clean the emotions that I'm feeling, stuff builds up and there's negative consequences. And the way that this primarily presents is what we would call crumbs under the rug. You know, I don't express that I'm feeling frustration over a disconnection with you, or I haven't processed the ways that my parents made me feel unworthy and things like that. And because those emotions are unprocessed within me, then when I go to be in a different relationship, that gunk comes out as if it's part of this relationship when in reality it's not. And the thing that's coming to mind for me is like that one really toxic relationship I had. It's like, was some of that stuff me and that person's for sure? But was a lot of it my unprocessed unworthiness and my unprocessed abandonment wounds from family dynamics and unprocessed attachment styles? 100%. And this is why it can be so challenging to create healthy relationships because you're trying to create healthy connection with the person in front of you, but you're not aware of all of the baggage that you're holding in the background.

SPEAKER_00 9:14

Yeah. And that baggage, I see it as debt. And that debt has interest on it. The longer you keep it and hold it, the stinkier it gets and the messier it gets. And so maybe we'll get into this now, maybe not, but that's why it's important to have a regular schedule of cleaning and tending to your emotional and your energetic hygiene. But I think with the emotional hygiene, the best way to attend to it is to one, know what you're feeling, develop an emotional vocabulary and a skill set to know what's going on. That's number one. You can't imagine you're trying to pick up your room and you don't know what any of the objects are. They're all just like foreign alien objects. I don't know what to do with these, you know? It's kind of the same thing if you don't have an emotional vocabulary. So, one, develop that, the wheel of emotions. You can Google it. It's everywhere. It's a great tool. I use it with all my clients every session. That's how we start. And then once you have that, the second way to clear your emotional field is to speak it, right? Is to say, I've been feeling resentful about this thing, or I've been feeling lonely, right? Is just to speak it out into the open. It's simple and it works. And I want to ask you, although it's simple, what makes that process difficult for people?

SPEAKER_02 10:51

Yeah, great question. That process is difficult because our culture has assigned worth to feeling good. And so we have these narratives. Everyone's might be a little bit of a different flavor, but we have these narratives that if I'm not feeling good all the time, then something is wrong with me. And we've lost the beauty of the human experience as a whole, where actually, as a human, I'm not here to feel perfect all the time. I'm here to feel the full spectrum of everything that is the gift of humanity, is that we get to feel so many different sensations. And so part of this work and being able to not only feel, not only name, but also sit with the emotions that are present is knowing that they're not a problem to be solved. Is it a problem that you have 30 years of emotional buildup in your emotional baggage? Yeah, that's kind of a problem. But is it a problem that you ever felt those emotions in the first place? Absolutely not. That's what makes you know that you are human and you're alive. And so to be able to change that narrative from there's something wrong with me because I'm feeling this thing, to, okay, this is the experience I'm having right now, seems to be quite a large hill for people to climb. And if we can unwind that, then it makes it much easier to start processing emotional cleanliness because now it's not a problem that I'm feeling shame. It's not a problem that I'm feeling resentment or frustration. It's not an attack when I share this emotion with you. It's just simply this is the emotion that's in the space. And can we be with it? And one of the challenges is that because we don't have a lot of repetitions of feeling our way through our emotions, at least in the beginning, we don't understand that the body's meant to alchemize them. Our physical body digests food, but our emotional body digests emotions. And so the stomach, if you look at like Eastern medicine and stuff, it's not just about food digestion, it's also about emotional digestion. And so the body is meant to digest whatever we intake. And that means that as you start feeling an emotion, you will not get stuck there. And that's also part of the fear of naming it is if I name this, somehow I get assigned to that's my identity, and I'm gonna be stuck there forever and ever. But the truth is that if I name it and I sit with it, almost immediately my body starts to digest it. And if I sit with it long enough, there will be a wave where it feels like a little bit more intense, and then the wave will land and it will dissipate because it's been digested.

SPEAKER_00 13:42

Yeah. That process of naming seems counterintuitive for people who have never done it. Like if I name my anger, then I'll be giving my anger power. But in fact, naming that anger at some level neutralizes it, right? It brings it out into the open so that it no longer has this element of surprise or of hiding. And actually, what happens the longer that we don't name something or the longer that we don't become fully conscious of something, the louder it gets, the more it clamors for our attention because our emotions aren't actually our enemies. I used to think that they were. They're our allies, and they're actually signposts pointing us in the direction of more wholeness and freedom. So it's really kind of the third step, right? We mentioned developing an emotional vocabulary, naming it. You mentioned sitting with it, understanding what it feels like in your body, and then actually understanding the value of the emotion. For example, anger is often there was a boundary crossed. Something wasn't okay with me, and I need to take action about that. Not violent action, not destructive action, just action to bring whatever needs to come back into balance, into balance. Sadness is an invitation to feel. Grief is the clearing feeling, and tears allow us to wash away the emotional weight that accumulates. So that's a really important part too, is understanding the messages and the wisdom that lives in our emotions.

SPEAKER_02 15:20

Yeah. And when you're talking about naming it, you're saying, I'm feeling angry. And that's a key in the naming process. Like I am feeling shame right now. I am not shame. And that's part of the shift that we're talking about. It's I'm eating a sandwich. I'm not the sandwich. You know, I'm feeling shame, but I am not the shame. It's just the experience that I'm having right now. And to be able to separate our identity from the emotions that we're feeling, then allows us to converse with them. If I am the shame, there's no conversation. We're one. But if I am just feeling the shame, then I can start conversing with, okay, if this shame is trying to tell me something, what is it telling me? And to your point, like for shame specifically, usually shame is telling us that I have acted out of integrity with myself in some way. I, something in me is telling me that that didn't feel good. And so these emotions are beautiful because I'm not meant to get stuck in them. I'm meant to utilize them like signposts, like you're saying, to evolve, to show me the path that I want to walk next. Maybe something used to be okay with me and now it's not okay. And that's a sign that I'm growing. And if something was okay with me yesterday and tomorrow it's not, that's also okay because that's a sign that I'm walking forward. And that that is the path of evolution that we're teaching together and that most people who are finding us are on. But it's a miss to think that the emotions are getting in the way of that instead of that they're our support system for that process.

SPEAKER_00 16:58

Yeah. The language of I am feeling shame or I am feeling guilt, I am feeling anger is so, so important because it disidentifies us with the emotion. It helps us understand that the emotion is in fact a temporary experience and that the emotion is not bigger than us. Although at times the emotion can feel all-consuming, it's never bigger than us. When we can say, I am feeling blank, we can set that emotion across from us and have a conversation with it. What are you teaching me? What are you asking for from me? When we can't create that separation between us and the emotion, it's really hard for us to glean the wisdom from the emotion as a teacher. You know, it'd be like I'm in school and the teacher is like jammed into my chair desk conjunction on my lap trying to teach me. I'm not gonna like learn very well. I'm focused on the lack of separation between myself and the teacher.

SPEAKER_02 17:59

Yeah. So with this process of starting to practice emotional hygiene, you mentioned this a little bit, but like a daily practice is great. You know, if you don't know what you're feeling, then you don't know what you're feeling and you don't know what to sit with. And part of a daily practice of feeling what's emotionally present also gives you stock of like what your day can look like. And if you don't have this awareness of how you're starting your day, then that emotion just gets to run your day. But if you have awareness of how you're starting your day, you have the ability to sit with it long enough to clear it so that your day can start fresh. You have the ability to take action during the day. So you claim sovereignty and empowerment over your day rather than just kind of being an asshole all day because you're not feeling good. And you also have the ability to create connection based on what you're feeling if you need support. And besides this daily practice, you know, when people start this work, there is this baggage that they're carrying, you know, there is this unwinding of X amount of decades, depending on at what point you're starting, to feel this. And so a daily practice is great. And how do we start cleansing out that emotional weight that we've been carrying for so long?

SPEAKER_00 19:21

Yeah. So all the emotional weight that we carry is from emotions that we didn't fully process in the moment. So as you're beginning this process, it will be more effortful because you haven't done it before. And so, with the help of a coach, mentor, therapist, another professional, this is what people don't want to do, revisiting those painful moments or those emotionally charged moments where you weren't safe to feel, you didn't have the skills to feel, you had to put on a strong face for the people that depended on you. Actually revisiting those moments, giving yourself the gift of feeling what you didn't feel at that moment, especially in the presence of an empathetic witness, is how you start to unwind those things retroactively. Now, once you've done that work, it really becomes a process of looking at your life in review in the past day. Hopefully you're doing this daily, and saying, okay, where were the open loops? Where did I feel an emotional charge and I didn't express it? Because maybe it wasn't safe to, right? And can I feel what was there? Can I unpack it? Right? Can I look at maybe what I would have done differently or felt differently if I had been safe? And as you do that process over time, your emotional hygiene becomes better and better and better.

SPEAKER_02 21:07

I will say too that this process can feel daunting. And if you don't know what emotional activation feels like in your body, it is hard in the beginning. You know, I've worked with clients where our first two months is trying to get them to feel anything. The only thing they feel is the thoughts in their mind. And so when you start this process, it really is just asking yourself as frequently as possible, what am I feeling right now? And the more you ask that question, the more the signals will come through. And so it's okay if you're just barely starting this work and you have no idea what you're feeling. And when you take your daily inventory, you're like, I don't know where I felt emotional charge today. But the more you ask, the more it will become clear of like, man, the way Person spoke to me really didn't feel good, or the way I witnessed that person speak to someone else really didn't feel good, or the way that I spoke myself, you know? And so it is a labor of love. And to circle back to the idea that emotions are not a problem to be fixed, this is not a problem to be fixed. You're not going to like get to a certain point in your journey and be like, cool, I'm done. This is a lifestyle change. They say the same thing about physical hygiene in the gym. You can totally change your body in three months if you go to the gym and have a regimented food and uh workout routine. But if you stop after three months, your body's not going to sustain the changes that you made. And so the same is true for this. This is not like a practice to just do to fix whatever sadness or anxiety or depression you're currently having. It is a way of life that you are stepping into to start caring for your emotional body, the way that you shower and care for your physical body. And to have that mindset shift of this is not a problem to be solved. This is not something to accomplish, but this is actually like something that we should all be being taught from childhood and should be a natural part of our life, is a really essential piece because you will get to phases in this process where you don't want to do it anymore. And that feels like a really important key because some days I wake up and I don't like what I'm feeling. You know, it would be much easier for me to just be like, I'm gonna bury that and go do something else. And you totally can. And honestly, some days you might, even if you know that this is a lifelong commitment. But then coming back to it in a committed fashion because it is something that you do daily, just like a shower, is an essential key to having the life that you want and understanding that it's not negotiable, that it is an essential ingredient is important. And, you know, we'll we'll maybe plug our um sadna later, but to the process of getting support and really going in. It's like if going to a coach to talk about all of your mommy and daddy issues for an hour a week feels too intense right now. There are ways to titrate yourself into it. And we have some stuff that does that, and I'm sure other people do as well. So you don't have to just like suddenly start unpacking all of your trauma to have good emotional hygiene. Will you need to do that eventually? Yeah, for sure. Guaranteed. But you can actually just start with what you were saying, Isaac, of like, what am I feeling every single day? And that can be enough to have a huge impact if you haven't been feeling your emotions every day.

SPEAKER_00 24:49

Yeah, I love what you said that if complete sovereignty and a full life is what you're after, then emotional hygiene is a non-negotiable because emotions are a universal human experience, just like we all have lungs and a heart. We all have emotions. And the less aware that you are of your emotions, the more power they have over your life. You don't know it, but they are directing your life, those mysterious moments of I almost had, I almost had her, or I almost had the job, and then it slips through your fingers. That's a result of your unprocessed emotions working behind the curtain, seeking your attention, which you have refused to give to them.

SPEAKER_02 25:41

Yeah, this is a really important piece the way that you're describing this, because in you know, more well-known psychology, they assign the subconscious to the emotional body. It is one in the same. The conscious mind is different from the subconscious mind, and the emotions live in the subconscious. And I want to get to energetic hygiene, but a key, maybe final piece or two about emotional hygiene is that from a nervous system perspective, in the moment, it is not really possible for me to feel all of the emotions that are present. Because in a moment, especially ones that are more traumatic or highly charged, my nervous system goes into a state of survival. And in a state of survival, I'm worried about surviving. I'm not worried about feeling. I can't be worried about feeling because I need to survive. And so even if I feel like I cried a lot after a breakup, or I feel like I processed the grief of a death, or I feel like I've moved on from the family trauma because I quote unquote understand why I am the way that I am. The truth is that unless you have set aside reflective time after the event, not to understand it, but to feel every ounce of pain or discomfort that you didn't get to feel in that moment, that you didn't get to have witnessed by someone who was kind and caring and loving, you must go back and feel it. It is the only way to start cleansing out these emotional states. And there's something interesting in spirituality and growth right now where it's like, if I can just access, this is a lot of Joe Dispenses' work, but if I can just access the physical frequency and emotional state of my dream life, then I can have it. And there are essences of that that is true. And the same goes for mindset work. If I can just think about this differently, then I can access a new form of life. But the place that is missed is this emotional state. And so for some people's path, they actually do get to work with mindset before emotional states. For some people's path, they actually do get to work with frequency work before emotional states. But if you've already accessed those things and you're hitting a block, or if you've tried to access those things and they haven't been working and you're feeling this like, oh, everyone else can like do this and I just can't figure it out. It is because your next step on the journey is emotional hygiene and clearing out the blocks in your emotional body, the dust and the dirt in your emotional body that are actually preventing you from walking into that new arena because point blank, you're too dirty to enter. It's like a dress code exists at the bar and you're not allowed in because you're a fucking mess.

SPEAKER_00 28:37

So let's talk about energetic hygiene and how are they different? Because I do feel like they are linked in some ways, emotional and energetic hygiene. So, what's the distinction between energetic and emotional hygiene?

SPEAKER_02 28:53

So the first is when you think about the levels of the bodies. So I don't know exactly how the yogis draw this out. I always mix this up, but in my system, the way that I would describe it is like the thing most inward is my emotional body. And then comes my physical body, and then around it is my energetic body. And one of the beauties of COVID is people started to learn an energetic body. It's like things can be transferred within 12 feet of each other because our energy goes all the way out. Our body is just where our energy is most condensed, and that's why we can see it and touch it and it feels solid. But our energetic cells that are attached to our core go out up to six feet. They say the healthier your energy field, actually, the further it goes out because it's more vibrant and it has more space to be free. So that's one piece is like, yes, they are all linked because they're held within each other and they're attached to the same core, but they exist in different layers. And then when we start talking about the energetic body, it's like, okay, things can be in your energy field that touch my energy field, but doesn't necessarily make it way all the way to my emotional state. And so I would say the energetic body actually requires even more sensitivity and subtlety than the emotional body. The emotional body will very quickly give me an emotional state that triggers a physical sensation. And if I can't feel the emotional state, at least I can feel the tension in my shoulders. The energetic body will do the same thing, but if you're not really aware of what's going on in your physical and emotional bodies, being attuned to the energetic system is like not really accessible. It is this next layer of sensitivity. And I think about the energetic body almost like sonar. Like they talk about whales and other animals sense where things are because of like sound waves. And the energetic body kind of works that way. It's like maybe you can't hear anything, but you look up when someone walks in the room. That's your energetic system sensing that there's a new energy in the field. So, in some senses, we've all felt this before. We just haven't had the words to quite describe it. So that's where I would start with what the energetic body actually is. And then as far as hygiene, it's like, okay, just like if I touch your hand, dirt can get from my hand to your hand, or if I puke my anger all over you, my emotions can get mixed in with yours. If there is something unseen, unfelt, unprocessed in my energetic field, when we engage, then there's crossover of energy as well. So something that feels like a good way to describe energetic hygiene is uh the way this comes up a lot is like hooks, like energetic hooks. And so this does relate to like the stories and the subconscious emotions that we have. But to get people to feel into the energetic body more, the way I would describe it is like if you've ever been talking to someone and you start to feel drained in the conversation. You start to feel like they're only talking about themselves or they're asking you for a lot of support that you just can't give. And you go home and you're just like, man, I'm exhausted. Like, I don't feel like myself at all. That experience drained your energy. And there was something about that person's energetic field that hooked in a way to yours that created some crossover in the energetic field that didn't belong, that didn't feel an integrity, that didn't feel neutral to you.

SPEAKER_00 32:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 32:50

Um, you've had that experience.

SPEAKER_00 32:52

Yeah, sometimes this is referred to as vampiric energy, energy, vampires.

SPEAKER_01 32:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:57

And I think more often than not, it's an unconscious process. It's just a naive process from the person that is actually siphoning or draining your energy. And the fact is that people that do it unconsciously do not have great awareness of their energetic bodies and their energetic hygiene. Great energetic hygiene is not doing that to other people when it's not being offered. So I think that's that's another key of like most of the time I'm willing to lend you my energy, right? And that's like a conscious choice. We've entered this union where we exchange energies, right? Um, but most people out in the world, there is like a sharp barrier of how much energy I'm gonna exchange with the cashier. That doesn't mean I can't exchange kindness and love and and and um goodwill, but there isn't going to be like deep support offered. Yeah. And so I think it's really important for people to understand that their energy is limited. It's a limited resource. There are ways to cultivate it, right? But to understand that giving it away willy-nilly is not strong energetic hygiene.

SPEAKER_02 34:12

Yeah. And this is a really important point because people like the term energy vampire and narcissists and all of these things came into popularity because people were starting to understand their wounds that they have, which is great. But the truth is that if someone is draining your energy, you're letting them. And so it's not just that that person doesn't have good energetic hygiene, it's that actually your energetic hygiene is poor. If you leave a situation feeling like less than yourself, it's because in some way you have failed to protect your energy. You have failed to create healthy energetic boundaries. This comes up a lot with people who identify with the word empath. I just feel everyone's stuff and then I feel so drained. That is a victim mindset. And if that is you, then you need to work on your energetic boundaries, period. You are not doomed to feel like crap just because you are an empath. It is your like part of your journey in life to learn to set better energetic boundaries because no one is doing these things to you. It is your energetic field that is allowing it. And if you have a strong sense of energetic hygiene, you will never stay in a conversation that is draining you. You will never stay in a relationship that is abusing you. All of these things are because of your attunement to or lack thereof of your energetic hygiene.

SPEAKER_00 35:38

Yeah. Yeah. Energetic hygiene is an active process. It's not visualizing a dome of light around you, although those practices can be helpful.

SPEAKER_02 35:48

For sure.

SPEAKER_00 35:49

Um, but it's an active process, like you're mentioning in these conversations that are draining of impasse, of oh, I just had to give this. It's like, no, you didn't. And there was a point in that conversation where the exchange expired and you stayed longer. Right. You know, people have a really hard time leaving conversations, even the ones that seem to drone on. It's like, you know, when the conversation fell out of resonance, you know when it became an imbalanced exchange. And so part of energetic hygiene is actually doing the thing and saying, Hey, I appreciate you. I hear everything that you're saying. I'm actually feeling a little bit tired. And maybe you can continue it later. Maybe you don't want to continue it later.

SPEAKER_02 36:35

And I will say that the practices of like creating a dome and donning, like, and I'm saying imaginary, but really it's like donning energetic protection is helpful. Like those practices are really important for people whose fields are more porous. And to your point, it's an active process. Like you can't just don that and then be like, I'm good no matter what. It's like you don that, that creates some protection. And then you also have to honor when you're feeling the sensations. And this is where there's crossover. Your emotional body and your physical body will tell you when the energetic field is being crossed. And so in this process of energetic hygiene, boundaries are a huge key. Knowing your voice and how to utilize it to lead the experience is a huge key. And then the way that you cleanse energy, you know, there's lots of different tools to use. Reiki is a great one. Energy work is really like the tool to, it's like the energetic shower. And there are ways that you can learn this where you don't have to go to an energy worker to do it. Obviously, there's experts, you know, but you can also learn these techniques yourself. One really easy one that I really like is fire. So whether I have a candle lit in front of me or I'm seeing an energetic fire, just wiping my body and using my breath to any energy that I've picked up, I return to the flame to be alchemized by spirit. I return anything that's not mine to the flame to be alchemized by spirit. And doing this at the end of the day or after any social engagement really does make a difference because we're humans, we're meant to be in connection. Like even if everything feels good, we probably are picking up little pieces of fuzz from other people, anyways. And what we want is to be so attuned to our energy and our energy only, that we don't have to worry about when I'm in a discernment process, is this someone else's voice? And that's a huge reason why emotional and energetic hygiene are so important. Because in your discernment process, if you have other people's trash in your field, then you can't really make a discernment choice of your true north because you can't really feel in your body what's yours or not. And so the end of the day or after interactions with other energies returning it. And then also taking stock, like you're saying, of do I feel good around these people? Like something that is a huge issue with energetic hygiene, especially when people first begin this work, is they don't want to release environments or hobbies or relationships that aren't feeling good. And it's like once an environment and a relationship falls out of resonance, specifically because of your growth journey, it's probably not gonna come back. Like there are other ways, obviously, that relationship repair happens, but that's a different thing than we're talking about. We're talking about pure energetic resonance, where every time I go to this environment, I need to take drugs to feel okay. Every time I go to these people, I feel less like myself instead of more like myself. Those are all keys to energetic hygiene. And if you don't remove yourself, I mean, you can stay if you want, but then the effort that will be required for you to sustain energetic hygiene is like almost insurmountable because you are dumping jumping in a dumpster every time you go.

SPEAKER_00 40:06

Yeah. Yeah, you cover a lot there. So I'm gonna double tab on a few things. The first thing is you mentioned that fire is a great way to clear energy. And really, all four elements are right. It's like we had a teacher, Harshida, who's like, when you get in the shower, not only are you cleansing your physical body, but you're cleansing your energetic field.

SPEAKER_02 40:25

That's me.

SPEAKER_00 40:26

So you can just okay. I think he said it too, though.

SPEAKER_02 40:30

Probably.

SPEAKER_00 40:32

Sometimes I need to hear it from somebody else. Um, and using the water to let it cleanse your energetic field, right? And then air, there's like sacred smokes like sage or palo santo or tobacco that you can blow around your field. Um, a pacho is a tool that we use often. It's a pretty intense one, works really well. Um, and then earth too. Like you hear a lot about grounding, just kind of putting your feet in the dirt and allowing whatever energy it is to be returned to Mother Earth and alchemized is another way of cleansing. So, any of those four elements, it's like kind of just if you're starting out, just choose one and see how it goes. Um, and then another really important thing that you brought up is the spiritual importance of energetic and emotional hygiene, is to really cleanse your channel because when you're accumulating all of this debris, it is really hard to feel the authentic voice of creation. And it is really hard to be sure that you are surrendering to God and not surrendering to any of these unprocessed emotions or foreign energies that you've accumulated. So, in the the spiritual practice, it's also a non-negotiable.

SPEAKER_02 41:44

Yeah, for sure. And as we're talking about this, besides our own energetic field, it's important to understand that objects hold energy. So there is like the classic hoarder that like keeps everything. And it's like there as an expression of their emotional and energetic hygiene holding a lot. The physical space manifests the emotional and energetic field. And so people think that like keeping their house clean isn't that big of a deal. Like this is a conversation that's had of like, oh, I'm not, I'm not dirty, I'm just messy. Things are just a little disorganized. It's like if your physical space is disorganized, it is the expression that your energetic and emotional fields need tending to. That that's it. That's fact. You cannot work your way around it. That is the way that the universe works. And so when we start to understand that our physical space holds energy, so do our clothes, so do the objects in our house. And so as you go through each phase of life, understanding that there needs to be a deep clean. You know, it's like if I go through a breakup, my closet should be cleaned out. My memories and my photos should be cleaned out. And it's not to like wipe away the experience of the relationship, but you are becoming new by way of this portal of grief. And if things in your closet don't resonate with you any longer, then clearing out the space will create more spaciousness for this newer version of you. And on this path to evolution, it really is all about like evolving and going forward and stepping into the new iterations of ourselves one after the other. If I keep things that were resonant with me six deaths ago, that is literally preventing me from accessing this new ideal life. And we mentioned this in emotional hygiene as well, but it's like energetic, emotional, and physical hygiene are non negotiables for your ideal life. If you do not shower every day, if you do not clean your house, if you do not sit with your emotions, if you do not cleanse your energy field, you will not. Have the life you want. And it really is that simple.

SPEAKER_00 44:03

Yeah. As you were talking about hoarding, I was hearing an echo back to earlier in this conversation when I said that highly sensitive people will insulate themselves against the unwanted or the unwanted emotions and energy that they don't have the skill or the willingness to handle. And I was also thinking about people that carry around extra physical weight. You know, people accumulate physical weight to armor themselves up from the emotions and the energy that they don't want to navigate. And they use food as a tool to not feel. And so, you know, there's a lot of, you know, there's diet culture. And the fact is that like diet culture doesn't work. You know, an overwhelming majority of people who lose the weight gain it back because there's this unnamed, unaddressed elephant in the room that is the emotional weight. And so they return back to baseline, right? Without the identity transformation of not only am I a person that takes care of my physical body, but I'm a person that takes care of my emotional and energetic hygiene. You're kind of tugging around this ball and chain that's always going to pull you back to start. So, you know, for anybody listening who's struggled with weight, exploring the emotional components of that is actually what's going to allow you to keep it off and walk around embodied as a new version of you.

SPEAKER_02 45:33

This is such a tender and important topic. And it really is the same as the physical space. It's the physical space manifests what is present in the unseen and the emotional and energetic, and the physical body does too. And I feel like offering that I have worked with an eating disorder myself for decades of my life is a really important piece because there is value in eliminating body shame and in not shaming people for the way their body looks. And there is a reality check that needs to happen that simply put, excess weight is not supportive of physical health. And it is not about what you look like, but it is about accepting that using food as a tool is the same as using some sort of drug as a tool to cope, is the same as using sex as some sort of tool to cope. And it's like we don't really treat the other things the same way that we have brought about body acceptance and body love. And I think that was a really important phase of the body healing journey because shame is a huge thing that keeps people stuck. And so learning to love our body is often what starts us on the path of caring for it better. And there's a miss. It's not like if someone is snorting cocaine every day, I'm gonna be like, oh, that's fine. That's just like what they like to do. It's like that is not a sign of physical, emotional, and energetic health. And so having this deeper understanding of emotional and energetic well-being and seeing our bodies as the expression of it can also reduce that shame. It's like there's nothing wrong with your body, and we need better tools, these ones that we're talking about, to start processing that stuff. And naturally, as the emotional and energetic trash gets taken out, the body will change for sure.

SPEAKER_00 47:38

Yeah. As a culture, we don't turn a blind eye to substance to we don't turn a blind eye to the abuse of substances and alcohol and sex the same way that we turn a blind eye to the abuse of food. Because food is something that we all need to survive. And in excess, it is poison. And just like we accumulate emotional, energetic debris, we accumulate physical debris. And, you know, you can't separate one from the other. And so this is like a comprehensive lifestyle approach for people to be able to access higher levels of fulfillment and connection and peace within themselves.

SPEAKER_02 48:20

Totally. And that is a great lead-in to what I was just going to ask because I think it would, now that we've talked about all of it, to share the impact that it's had. So, you know, you share that. I taught you a lot about this, and I'm curious what the greatest impact of actually working with emotional and energetic hygiene has been for you. And it might be overall, it might be like a specific moment, but um, what's the result?

SPEAKER_00 48:47

Yeah. Before I really had any awareness of emotional and energetic hygiene, I lived an okay life. And that's what it was, you know. It's like people would ask me how I'm doing, and it would be, I'm fine. You know, life was just fine. It was meh. You know, it was operating within this very narrow range of a human experience. I didn't feel like I had much freedom to explore outside of the realm of meh and fine. And then as I started to understand more about what was happening inside of me emotionally, I felt confined at first because I didn't know my enemy my emotions were still enemies, they were still foreign invaders. And so I would stay in these states longer than was necessary. Didn't know how to get out of that hole, right? And then over time, as I learned to name my emotions, as I learned that they were my allies and not my enemies, I no longer had to stay in those states. Earlier, we talked about the recognition that emotions are temporary. It's like I really knew that. And I knew that they were visiting me for a reason. And so I began to feel much more sovereign, much more in power of my reality, uh, much more able to live in harmony with life and what life was showing me, and not in resistance to life. And I think today, you know, our relationships when we're doing this work, emotional, energetic hygiene, everything that we talk about on this podcast, our relationships level up. And so, like the ultimate fruit of this for me is really two things. One is being the man that's resonant to you and being your man and your partner and in union with you, and to allow like the free throw, the free-flowing exchange of energy and emotion and ideas between the two of us. That flow is very smooth and for the most part uninterrupted because we both have taken care of the debris in our field and do that naturally. So we don't spend much time at all in disconnection, right? There's no, there's no days-long silent treatment here, right? We always return to connection and truly deeply. Um, and then the other fruit of it is, you know, being able to run my own business, you know, on the verge of that. There's so much emotion, there's so much emotional resistance to that, to quitting your job, to removing yourself from the golden handcuffs or the security and launching yourself into a land that is mysterious and there are no promises. And being able to meet those things within myself, being able to meet the stories of I'm gonna be taken advantage of, or I'm not gonna be able to support a future family, and actually being able to meet those stories, work with them, understand what was beneath them, change my relationship to them, remove their power so that I was able to step into this path of entrepreneurship, not reluctantly, but through inspiration. So it's really all of this stuff is like is like a wind at my back. Do you want to share the fruits of your energetic and emotional hygiene practices?

SPEAKER_02 52:32

Yeah. I spoke about this a little while ago, but the truth is that I was in so much pain for most of my life. Like from the jump, there was just ways that I was self-harming from a small child. And, you know, in the three minutes at the end of this podcast, there's no way that I could really go into all of that. But I cannot describe in words how much pain I was in for most of my life in so many ways. And most of that was in ways that I took the pain that I was feeling and didn't really even understand that it was external and turned it on myself and developed addictions and self-harm behavior and basically allowed myself to be used by anyone who wanted to. And I just, no matter how hard I tried, you know, I was in therapy, put myself in therapy in high school. And so I've been at this work for a long time. And for probably a decade of really hard work, I still wasn't seeing much change. And, you know, little changes all the time, like grateful for the work that I was doing in the beginning. But not until I really deeply started to spend hours and hours feeling all of the pain that I didn't feel before, did I finally start to really break through, not the behaviors of the self-harm, because it's it's not easy to stop a behavior, but it's easy to stop a behavior. It's hard to stop the emotional and thought loops that continuously return you to the behavior. And for a long time there was just like no way out of it. And I say this to create, you know, understanding with anyone who's listening that has the same experience. But like there were phases where the literal only thing I saw in life was darkness, and not like days, but like years. And there were times when I would cross the street and be like, please God, just let this car hit me. And the trouble was I knew what I had been through, but knowing it doesn't change the way that you feel. And not until I've really started to understand this emotional energetic hygiene work was I able to finally breathe and be able to say, like, I actually don't have an eating disorder anymore. Like, I actually am not at risk of self-harm anymore, ever. Like they tell you in addiction, recovery, and stuff, like you have to say that you always are an addict, otherwise, it'll get you. And it's like, no, I vehemently believe otherwise because I know it to be true in my own process, but it's because you have to go all the way to the depths of the things that are most painful to unwind it. And so this emotional and energetic hygiene work is part of my deep passion and part of my mastery because of the way that I taught myself to crawl out of those caves. And the gift from it is really like being able to sit here on this podcast and like have myself be recorded on a video and not being like not have a mental breakdown about the fact that people are gonna see me and being able to like know that I'm gonna go to sleep tonight and not harm myself in the middle of the night. Like, I can't explain the gift of that, but it's like whatever pain you're feeling, I promise you, this work is like the answer. And so that's part of it. You know, I used to say my body is my own prison. And now I'm like, ugh, I'm in heaven. Like I literally live in heaven. And yeah, so that's that. And then, you know, because of that, my relationships are healthy. Because of that, my relationship to my family members feels like so sacred to me. Are they always a work in progress for sure? But am I happy to go home? Yeah, I used to dread going home because it would activate all my addictions. And now I'm like, I love going home to see my family. And I finally have sisterhoods that like are sacred and holy. And there's no words that can describe the partnership that we have, you know. And partnership used to be a place that just like the pain was even louder. I just couldn't get out of it. And now it's like this is heaven too. And so when we say that this work is essential for your dream life, you know, like I say it because I have lived the absolute dead opposite, and now we're living this one, and it is wholeheartedly because of understanding this work. So I have my solution, my homework for people.

SPEAKER_00 57:52

Yeah, give us a homework.

SPEAKER_02 57:53

Um, well, as I said, this work is part of my dharma because of the way that it came to form in my own body. And so we have an extremely powerful, beautiful course.

SPEAKER_00 58:10

That's right.

SPEAKER_02 58:11

It's called the 40-day chakrasadhna. There's a possibility that the name might change into the initiation because it is quite the initiation to start doing this work. But nevertheless, the link to sign up will be below in the show notes. And we run it every November. And so if this resonates with you at all, get on the wait list. The feedback that we've had from this course, even from people who have been doing this work for a long time, has been that this has been the most powerful, life-changing course they've ever taken, from people who are just starting this work to people who have been in group courses over and over, like this work and this course is powerful.

SPEAKER_00 59:01

And whether you've done this work before or you haven't done it ever, it can feel like a lot to be a self-starter on. And what Jessica has created with my support in this course is so accessible. You just have to show up, you just have to commit, and there is no question of whether it works or not. Everything is laid out for you. We're gonna teach it live this year, so you get to be with us in person as we build around you.

SPEAKER_02 59:43

In person on Zoom.

SPEAKER_00 59:44

In person on Zoom. Yes, in person on Zoom, as we build it in real time around you.

SPEAKER_02 59:52

And it is, like we said, you know, this work is lifetime, so it's like you have your daily practices, but this program is what I call an annual deep clean. So it's like you clean your house every week, but sometimes you get a cleaning lady to like really get in those crevices. And so this program that we run in November is meant to be that deep clean. It can be the starter pack for you, where you just get started and then you continue the work afterwards. Or it can be, you know, you show up because you've already been doing this work. But the intention is that every year we all meet together in November, even us. It's like we're not just teaching this course, we are actively doing it with you because no matter how good our daily practices are, we also need a deep clean to really make our field pristine. And that's the path that we're on, and that's the path that we want to teach all of you. Like you can work with anyone and have good results, but we are on the path of excellence. And so this deep clean is a part of that. So, you know, shameless plug, but it really is the best of the best, in my opinion, and in the opinion of everyone who's taken it. And so as you listen to this podcast, like the very next thing you do should be to click that link.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:11

Yeah, there's nothing like it. So go to the show notes, click that link, get on the wait list, and we will see you in November.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:21

We love you.