#26: Where I Failed As A Leader In Love (My Broken Engagement)

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On today's episode, Isaac opens up about the defining moment of his life and everything that led to it. If you've ever felt stuck, misaligned, or powerless in any relationship in your life, this episode is for you. It's a powerful testimony of what happens when we fail to face ourselves, and what can happen when we finally start taking an uncomfortably honest look in the mirror.

Isaac shares the story of his broken engagement: the initial beauty, the slow self-sacrifice, and a moment of truth that changed everything.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

This was really my first attempt at setting boundaries. And I say attempt because I didn't do a good job. I would say to myself, like, I don't want to do this, but I feel like I have to. I feel like God's hand is guiding me. Well, a gift is something that you want to give. And an engagement ring is a conditional gift.

SPEAKER_03 0:23

What did it feel like when you purchased that ring?

SPEAKER_00 0:28

To this day, it was the biggest moment of my life.

SPEAKER_03 0:31

I'm like emotional listening to this part of the story. Welcome to the Well Worship Man Podcast, where men come to build unshakable presence, become the rock in their relationship, and build a legacy that lasts beyond their years. Here, we explore the path to mature masculinity through humble power, daily devotion, and unwavering integrity.

SPEAKER_00 0:54

Thanks, baby. Before we get in today's conversation, which is going to be a little bit vulnerable on my end, I'm going to share about my story and past relationships, how my lack of masculine leadership led to a broken engagement. Before we get to that, make sure that you leave a rating and a review on the podcast. If you're listening on YouTube, subscribe and share this episode with somebody who you care about. And one more thing before we get into it today, I think that it's worth contextualizing this episode. There's something really special and surreal and astounding that's happening right now. How long has it been since you've eaten food?

SPEAKER_04 1:35

37 days.

SPEAKER_00 1:42

It's true. I've witnessed all of it. You are at the tail end of a 40-day fast. You're gonna break it on your birthday. So I just wanted to share that with the audience.

SPEAKER_03 1:56

Yeah, we're gonna do an episode later about the calling for me to do this 40-day water fast and the things that came through during it. But for now, since it's been so long, it felt important to just hallmark that this is the last podcast. We've recorded a few podcasts without you guys knowing. But this is the last podcast that we'll be recording over the course of this fast. So feel sacred.

SPEAKER_00 2:24

Yeah, calories are on their way soon. Um but what are we talking about today, baby?

SPEAKER_03 2:31

So today we're gonna hear a little bit more about your story, which I'm excited about. And you know, a lot of this arc that you've been on in your own life and where you guide men specifically is taking ownership and leadership of their lives and their relationships. And a huge piece of both of us learning the work that we do is through our own personal failures and initiations. And so today we're gonna dive into a little bit more of a time in your life where you weren't taking leadership.

SPEAKER_00 3:07

Yeah. And this relationship that I'm gonna share about was 1000% fundamental and foundational to the work that I do today. It is the relationship that put me on this path to a higher level of integrity and commitment and devotion. You know, prior to this relationship, I was teaching yoga and reading self-development and meditating, but this relationship and particularly the ending of this relationship launched me into a much, much deeper initiation. So while I'm sharing about this relationship today, I just want that to be the flavor and the theme that all the listeners carry to it. It's like this was a really important relationship to me. It was really sacred. And there were lots of ways in this relationship that I showed up with the lack of maturity that I have today, the lack of an emotional skill set. We're gonna talk about those things. And ultimately, it led to me contributing to a lot of suffering on my end and hers and in our social group. And, you know, yesterday I was reflecting on, you know, why I do the work that I do. And one of the big inspirations and motivations for me is so that maybe other men don't have to experience the level of suffering that I had to through this broken engagement to get onto a path of leadership and emotional integrity and learning and practicing all of the things that we preach about on this podcast.

SPEAKER_03 4:48

Yeah, there are some of us who are here to learn things the hard way so we can teach them. And the gift is that hopefully other people don't have to learn them quite so harshly. And that's the beauty of learning from like ancestors and also from people who came before us, and getting a teacher is so that we can maybe make our path a little bit more easeful. So, that being said, we have released kind of the prerequisite to this podcast before, which is Isaac's villain arc. So if you haven't listened to that, you can go back and listen to that to kind of learn a little bit more about how he was functioning before this relationship started, which maybe some of you are in that era, maybe some women listening are experiencing that in that era, maybe you've already moved through it, but there are keys of wisdom in that that got us to this point. So we'll start at the beginning. So as your villainarc is ending, yeah, how do we find you entering into this sacred relationship?

SPEAKER_00 5:56

Yeah, so to set the stage, I first met this woman during the final month of college. And we connected intimately then, and we sat next to each other during our college graduation, and then she moved from the college town, and I stayed to start my job. And I thought, what a great little fling, and I'll probably never see her again. And just let's just let it be what it was. She had very different intentions, and she was very intentional about staying in touch with me and would text and wanted to talk on the phone weekly and wanted to visit and really, really wanted to be in my life, wanted to be with me. And so she pursued me for a couple years at least before I committed to being with her exclusively. And I think that period of time is really important to talk about because it set really the foundation of our relationship. I did not want the level of communication that she wanted. She wanted a weekly phone call, and I didn't want to be tied to a set time every week where we were going to connect. And so this was really my first attempt at setting boundaries. And I say attempt because I didn't do a good job. You know, there were times during that two years where I quote unquote cut her off, right? But she would remain persistent and I would fold, right? And so there were seasons where she was cut off, and then there were seasons where I would visit her and she would visit me and we would text. And so the boundaries weren't really the boundaries that I thought they were at the time.

SPEAKER_03 8:03

Yeah, yeah. So I have some questions about this phase because when we were initially just chatting about what we were going to chat about today, the words you used were, you know, I set some good boundaries. And then sometimes I'd visit her. And my response was, that's not a good boundary. And I think this is an error that a lot of people across the board, but also specifically men make in this phase of life where they're like, well, I was clear about what I did and didn't want. But then, you know, the mood strikes and you're desiring intimacy or connection is feeling good because you're feeling a little bit lonely, or you want to go party with your friends or whatever, and the boundary is broken. And so the appearance is oh, this woman keeps pursuing me. But the truth is that you sort of set a boundary and then mixed signals are sent. And so I am curious about a couple of things in that phase. One, what it felt like, maybe across the board, but maybe at different phases, to be pursued in such a way by a woman. And also what it felt like for you to be speaking, you know, what your desires were, but then to have phases where maybe they weren't so clear.

SPEAKER_00 9:25

You know, the audience might think that I'm gonna answer this question of how it felt to be pursued by a woman like that, like oh, like felt great and like pumped up my ego. And I think that there was some of that. Because especially at that time, I felt my best when there were some women on the roster, right? That really helped me feel valued and self-assured, but it also felt disrespectful. It felt like she was latching a hook into me that I didn't want to be there. And honestly, I felt powerless to relieve that hook. And so I just want to reflect on this experience of knowing what I know now is uh she didn't have a boundary crossing issue. I had a boundary enforcement issue. And the more porous your boundaries are, the more persistent they will be. And she was very, very persistent. So that just speaks to the porousness of my boundary. And in fact, if there's not a consequence to a boundary being breached, there's actually no boundary there. And the consequence, you tell me if you can think of other consequences, but the consequence is always reducing or removing the access that they have to you. Um, and I wasn't doing that consistently enough for her to learn a new way to relate to me and to respect me.

SPEAKER_03 10:55

You have mentioned before um a bit of like people-pleasing tendencies. And so, like, this is often where people struggle to enforce boundaries, but it's like, oh I set this boundary and but then she texted me, and I don't want to be mean or I don't want to be rude, so I'm gonna respond. But I just want to be clear about what decreased access looks like. You know, decreased access looks like I set this boundary, I told you that I don't want to engage in this way. And if you continue to engage in this way, I'm just actually not going to respond. Right. Because the only way that they can continue engaging is if you're responding. They can certainly like double, triple, quadruple text you for days at a time. But the engagement is actually only happening because you are engaging. Eventually, like someone will stop engaging if you stop engaging with them. And it's different for different people, you know, someone might stop engaging because you don't respond once, someone might stop engaging because you don't respond over the course of weeks. But every time you engage, you are providing a cue that actually that boundary wasn't real. You're providing a cue that actually, if only they push far enough, you will engage. And so you're creating a pattern that the boundary isn't really a boundary, it's just a test for their affection.

SPEAKER_00 12:32

Yeah. And I think from her perspective, superficially, of course, she didn't want me to actually cut her off. And at a deeper level, it was confusing to her for me to say, hey, we're not speaking. And then for me to respond to a reach out from her, right? From where she was, you know, she really, really wanted to be with me. And so any response was like kind of like this breadcrumb of like, oh, he said that he doesn't want to be with me, but he's responding to me. And that motivates and encourages me even more to try to influence this connection.

SPEAKER_03 13:10

Yeah, exactly, exactly. And physiologically, like I always think it's important to talk about the physiological and nervous system response is like it's providing a dopamine hit. So when people are in relationships that are a situation ship or a maybe and are unintentionally but are working with this breadcrumbing technique, the the dopamine hit that is created is essentially acting on the brain like a drug. And so it is creating this physiological response that says, like, wow, I'm high now because of this interaction. And the more time that passes where there isn't engagement, but then there is engagement, the more addictive the relationship pattern is.

SPEAKER_00 13:59

Yeah. Yeah. And so as you're speaking, you know, I was not this high level of a game player at all to know what I was doing consciously, but it was manipulation.

SPEAKER_03 14:09

Yeah. And that's a really important key because when people start going through this healing process, you know, I'm a big proponent that I don't really feel that anyone should be name labeled an empath or a narcissist or a gaslighter or a manipulator, because I truly, truly believe that humans are benevolent and no one is doing it intentionally. And that doesn't change the fact that it's happening. And so understanding the context for what is happening is important. What you're doing by taking responsibility and saying this wasn't intentional, but this is what I was doing is important. And also like having compassion for one another that actually generally we just don't know what the fuck is going on.

SPEAKER_00 14:54

Yeah. Yeah, until six years later. Yeah. You know.

SPEAKER_03 14:58

And in which case we then do take responsibility. So yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:03

So and something else that I want to mention about my boundaries that I see now is you, you know, you mentioned these people pleaser tendencies, which were definitely alive in me, but I don't think that was the primary motivation for me to respond to her of like, oh, I feel bad and I don't want to make her feel bad. I think that what made it so difficult is that, you know, there's this internal conflict when you're setting a boundary. There's the mature adult that is like, I will no longer tolerate this person treating me the way that they're treating me. And then there's the vulnerable child, which is this person makes me feel valued or safe or whatever it is. And if I set this boundary, I'm not gonna get that input from them anymore. So I think my ego was more at play because really enforcing that boundary would be a sacrifice of the validation that she provided for my ego, which was more than I had received from a woman ever in my life to that point.

SPEAKER_03 16:04

Yeah, she was really consistent in her care, which is like unusual, you know, like at that level or at that age of time, you know, receiving a level of consistency of devotion really is what she was offering you. Like, no matter what you do, like I'll be here for you, is rare. And at that age, you know, at that phase of life, none of us were doing inner child work, none of us knew that these little parts like really were desiring this consistent level of love and care and affection to plug up all the holes that we didn't receive it before, you know. So that makes a lot of sense.

SPEAKER_00 16:42

Yeah. So as the story continues, um, you know, she stayed in my world and I in hers, and we visited each other. And, you know, I really came to love and appreciate her as a human. We had a lot of fun, more fun than I thought was possible with her in the beginning. We did several Coachellas together, and you know, one year at Coachella. Well, under the influence, you know, we were sitting at one of the art installations, and she was like really kind of pressing, like, why don't we just be together? And I was kind of like, why don't we just be together? You know, I'd gone through my villain arc, and I wasn't really like in a place where I wanted to like continue just like stacking hookups. I had really come to a time in my life where I hadn't wholeheartedly committed to a woman at all at this point. And I was kind of tracking that in my maturing process of okay, one day I want to be married, one day I want kids. At some point, I need to see what this is about, and I need to enter this arena of a long-term relationship. And she loves me, and I love her, and I think that it's time. Like, why not? You know, so even that is telling that the entry into the relationship was like a a why not and not like a fuck yeah. And so on that art installation at Coachella, I was like, you know what? Like, let's let's give it a shot. And um committed to entering a serious partnership with her.

SPEAKER_03 18:27

The arc of the beginning of this relationship is really important, and there is some talk about it also in like dating strategy, I guess, for women, where there really is some value and understanding that the initial phases of pursuit set the standard for the entire relationship. Like the initial phases of pursuit for this relationship was her pursuing you. That is masculine energy.

SPEAKER_01 18:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 18:58

The initial phases of this relationship was her chasing you. That is the masculine energy of the relationship. And then the starting point officially of the relationship is this her pressing you for why not? And to her credit, like it is worth having a conversation of it's been years, like, why aren't we doing this? It was probably on her end, you know, an attempt to say yes, but also it could have been a final no. And so having that conversation to her credit was like an essential conversation to have. And also the woman initiating the what are we conversation is the masculine energy. And so off the bat, for the first years and the starting point, she is carrying that leadership role for the relationship itself. And once roots are grown, they are quite hard to shift.

SPEAKER_00 20:05

Yeah, we're not saying it can't work the other way, but my two relationships since, ours included, have started with me boldly pursuing. And that has felt like such a better start to the relationship, I think for both parties. And so, you know, for any man listening, the foot that you start on is really important. If it's leaning into courage, and you don't really know if she's gonna say yes to the date, but you're really like feeling it to go for it, and you go for it, and that's the foot that you start on. I think that that's so much more powerful than you already knowing what she's gonna say, like you already knowing there's a ton of interest from her, and you asking her out actually isn't a risk.

SPEAKER_03 20:54

Yeah, we bring a masterclass once called From Injected to Respected, and it was all about this. It's like men are meant to have a little bit of this warrior energy where risk, they're not risk-averse, you know, they are courageous in the risks they take. And that plays out in all of life. It's like, are you gonna protect me in public when someone is trying to harm me? Like, that's a risk for you, but I need to be protected physically. And are you gonna take risks as far as like your entrepreneurship and financial risks and ways to like really get our family in a state of well-being? Like all of those things are risks. And honestly, the lowest risk thing is having a woman say no to you on a date.

SPEAKER_01 21:39

Yeah. You know?

SPEAKER_03 21:41

And so really building the capacity for that muscle is partially a numbers game. Like just ask more women out and take the risk so that when people inevitably say no, you're not having a whole ego depressive experience. But then when the woman that you actually want to pursue says yes, there is a sense of accomplishment. And men need to have, it's like with your six pack side quest right now. It's like there really is something inherent in a male body about having something to accomplish and succeeding. I like to succeed at goals too, obviously, but there's something a little bit different in like the physiology and architecture of a man to have something that they've accomplished that now they can say, like, I did this and this is mine.

SPEAKER_00 22:39

Yeah, you can be proud of it. Yeah. You know? Yeah, it's so much better to boldly go after the woman that you want instead of just accepting the women that come your way. And so for any women listening, like, even if you like totally into this guy and you're like, throw yourself at him, like play a little bit hard to get, because that will show you from the beginning how much effort he's willing to put in. And that's a must.

SPEAKER_03 23:11

And it also, I mean, it's unfortunate because I feel like women kind of have to learn this through some pain. But the truth is that there's this thing, if he wanted to, he would. And there really is no way around that. Like it is true. And there is some leeway there where like if he's in certain phases of life, maybe he wants to and he doesn't have the capacity to, but that's kind of the same thing. And if he isn't going to pursue you in the beginning, he's not going to lead you the rest of the time, which leads us into the rest of the story that we'll get into. But it really is true. Like, if he's not going to lead you on a first date, what makes you think that he is going to be able to care for you and nurture you and lead you through like a really hard phase of life? Like he can't even ask you out what is he gonna do when like your parent dies?

SPEAKER_00 24:10

Yeah, that leadership capacity is so important for women to clock at the beginning because once he has you, he's less likely to develop it.

SPEAKER_03 24:21

Right. Because it's just like, okay, great.

SPEAKER_00 24:23

That's what it took to get her. Yeah. I can continue to operate at this level. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 24:28

Okay, so let's try it.

SPEAKER_00 24:31

And then so let's try it. And actually, we like started our relationship over the phone on my birthday, which is a poor thing to do. Like, don't send anniversary also on your birthday for anyone listening. I did the same thing with my wedding. Keep those dates a little separate.

SPEAKER_03 24:51

So funny.

SPEAKER_00 24:53

Yeah, your wedding. So now not even says that you've been married before.

SPEAKER_03 24:57

Oh, yeah. Maybe they didn't know that yet.

SPEAKER_00 24:59

So the plot thickens. There's lots of stories to tell, but we'll get to that one later on, perhaps. So yeah, the first year of our relationship was long distance, which was really tough. And it really shone a light on my lack of ability to be with her emotions. We would FaceTime every week, and those FaceTimes just felt exhausting to me because she would say things like, I wish you were here or I miss you. And my hyper rational male brain was like, Well, I'm not. And like I don't know what to do. Like I feel powerless to support you. Like if I wish we were in person, because then it could be like some physical touch, you know. But like without that, I felt like I had zero toolkit to make her feel emotionally seen and supported. And so many of those phase times ended just like in an emotionally drained and exhausted place.

SPEAKER_03 26:04

I'm curious, like now how you would respond to something like that differently. I'm sure we've had conversations like that before when we've been apart, but we don't spend that much time apart. So um, but the the facts are still the facts. Like you're still not in the same place with someone if you're long distance. But what how would you be with that differently now?

SPEAKER_00 26:25

Yeah, it would still be hard, but I think more of more space, more stillness, less of this kind of irritable reaching to slap a band-aid on it. Well, um we're we're not together, so I don't know what to do. You know, more like seeking to understand. And you know, we would alternate months of visiting each other and be like, yeah, and I can't wait. It's really hard right now, and I can't wait. I'm gonna be there in in just three weeks. I need to make sure it's really special. So it's it's a hard thing to do for anybody in a long distance relationship.

SPEAKER_03 27:04

Yeah, for sure. Long distance is a challenging way. I've also started a couple of relationships long distance, and it's just hard. Like being in the presence of someone, physical touch, being able to hold someone when they're upset, is a completely different experience than not having that. And honestly, unless people are really good at it and it really works for people, which is, I think, a unique relational dynamic, it also kind of naturally creates this high, high, low, low experience that we were already talking about. It's like, oh, I'm in this portal of love and juiciness for a weekend and it's the best thing ever. And then suddenly I'm back to real life and you're not here.

SPEAKER_00 27:52

And also with long-distance relationships, if neither of you is planning to move to be with the other in the physical location, what are you doing? And it may take several months for you to get to that place where you make that decision. It did for me in this story, but if that's not on the horizon, at a certain point the relationship doesn't work.

SPEAKER_03 28:22

Yeah, definitely. At a certain point, it's just keeping ties for safety rather than reality. And this is just a side note, but something that I found was really challenging in long-distance relationships too, is like we've spoken about this, I don't know on the podcast, but together before, where in repair, repairs don't fully feel complete until there's some sort of intimacy. And so if there is ever rupture in a long-distance relationship, it's it's actually quite hard to create true repair because the in-person time is really where like the trust rebuilds and where the intimacy gets established. And so uh a lot of long-distance relationships end up kind of having these like rupture piles under the rug until they can talk about stuff in person. And then the time in person is spent in these serious conversations, and that's challenging.

SPEAKER_00 29:22

And also the alternative is that you don't want to spend the time in person rehashing the phone conversations that you had. And I think that's what I experienced during this first year. You know, during that first year, surprise, surprise, there are more crossed boundaries or porous boundaries, should I say? And alcohol was a part of that, and I don't want to go into too much detail out of respect for her, but there were things that I was not okay with that happened and were never fully repaired, and that continued to poke their heads out over the course of the relationship. I think that she had never had a man fully take care of her or contain her. And so I had my work cut out for me, definitely. And there were really no consequences of the boundary. In fact, I never said, and these boundaries that were crossed, these porous boundaries, there were things that were like really not okay with me. But I never once said, Hey, if this continues, we're gonna have a serious conversation about whether this relationship can continue or not. You know, it was kind of like, oh well, happen again, it's not okay with me, but I'm in this, you know. Um, and it takes, and so there it takes some skill to be developed to have the commitment of I'm in this, and also these are the things that are non-negotiables.

SPEAKER_03 31:03

I am curious also about you know, you're citing, I don't think she had ever had a masculine energy contain her, which is part of masculine-feminine dynamics. Like the sun energy is meant to contain the moon and let her fully express and also not let her burn herself. And there is this confusion in women because we haven't most of us haven't experienced safe containment of what's control and what's containment. And I actually haven't ever thought about this from like the masculine end. Like, is there, I don't know if at this time there was any thought about this consciously, but like, is there also confusion inside the male brain of like, is this too much containment? I don't want to be controlling like what happens in there.

SPEAKER_00 32:04

Yeah, my experience at that time was the nice guy and the people pleaser was very much alive in me. And so I was clocking. Does this feel like control? I don't want to control her. She should feel free in this relationship, and that's one of those paradoxes that as you mature, you can start to tolerate of I can offer containment, which is a gift, without control, which is not a gift. Um, and I didn't know how to do that, and so there was a lack of containment, and she was the wild feminine that reached too far close to the sun and got burned.

SPEAKER_03 32:47

Yeah. And from what I know about also the relationship before us, like there was a growing process. Like there, that was also something that came up in other spaces until, you know, in our relationship, I feel like we have a really good balance of that. But it is not just something you can at the drop of a hat learn and understand. You know, there is this like, okay, let me touch here and see how that goes. Okay, let me touch here and see how that goes. And and also the feminine has to be mature enough to like desire to receive the gift of the masculine and to process her own wounds and not feel threatened by your needs. You know, it's like that's kind of the rhetoric of like, oh, these are your needs and you're trying to control me, but actually they're just your needs, and maybe it's not a fit, which is where you're saying the boundaries failed. You know, it's like this is important to me, but I never said if this continues to happen, then the relationship can't ensue.

SPEAKER_00 33:54

Yeah. And I didn't learn the difference between control and containment in that relationship. It wasn't until the relationship after. And the relationship after, which maybe we'll talk about another episode, ended because of this lack of a distinction between control and containment. She felt controlled. I thought she was mistaking control for safety. And you know, that's how that that was like the big gemstone of the relationship after this one. So it took some time for me to learn. And I think, too, what I was really struggling with in this first relationship, which is the topic of this podcast, is faithfulness, like being being not an aspect of cheating, but like being 100% in on the relationship. I didn't feel like I could set this boundary of this is not okay with me. And if this continues, then we're gonna need to talk about if this relationship can continue. I didn't feel like I could have that conversation while still allowing her to feel the full strength of my commitment. I kind of had this black or white thinking. This is important too. It's like at that time, the way that I measured the success of a relationship was whether it ended in marriage or not, right? And I felt like if I left or threatened to leave, that it was a failure of the relationship.

SPEAKER_03 35:16

Yeah, and I mean that's a cultural failure. It's like if success of a relationship is its eternal nature, then no relationship is really worth having except one.

SPEAKER_01 35:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 35:30

But the truth is that a lot of our relationships, I mean, even in the way you speak of this relationship and how you honor it and how important it was for your growth path, it's like it didn't end in marriage, but it was essential to you becoming the man that you are now. And that is an important paradigm shift. It's like Western culture is very, if it's broken, you have to fix it. If it doesn't last forever, it's worthless. And to understand that life is an evolution and a journey and this like growth mindset instead of fixed mindset is really part of maturing and part of understanding life a bit differently. So knowing that that was where your mind was at the time makes a lot of sense why some of these more important conversations felt even riskier than they ever had to.

SPEAKER_02 36:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 36:23

Because if the risk is not only loss of the relationship, but absolute failure of life, yeah, that's a way bigger consequence than just maybe this relationship isn't for me.

SPEAKER_00 36:37

Yeah, 100%. You know, this relationship not being for me, that wasn't even like a tolerable possibility. And this belief that it must work significantly handicapped my ability to be transparent in that relationship. Because when we're transparent, it's like, what are we risking? We're risking the loss of love, the ending of the relationship. And at that time, like I couldn't risk that. That was not acceptable to risk that. And so there was a lot of sweeping under the rug, and a lot of withholding of truth, and a lot of diluting the messages of that's not okay with me.

SPEAKER_03 37:15

Do you feel like she was doing the same thing on her end, or that this was only happening on your end?

SPEAKER_00 37:20

That's a really good question. I would imagine she was doing it on her end, and I want to be as generous as I can with taking that perspective, but also like there weren't really any occasions of me doing something that she was like, that's out of line, and like I don't like that. There was like, you know, I can't really like think of any occasions like that. She was like really on cloud nine, like this was like a blissful, problem-free relationship for her for most of the time until the end.

SPEAKER_02 37:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 37:57

Hey there, lend me your attention for just one minute before we dive back into this incredible conversation. And I wouldn't be interrupting if it wasn't for something extremely special that Jessica and I have created for you. If you've been listening to the podcast, you have heard the themes of urgent transparency, of leaning into those courageous and vulnerable conversations that can bring your whole world into greater alignment. But it's easier said than done. There's fear that comes up, there's nervous system state that wants to do nothing else but to avoid or escape. So, what we've done to make this process more accessible for you is we've created a free guide called From Closed to Connected. It includes a short video and a script that you can follow so you can have the conversation that you've been avoiding, the one conversation that can change everything in your life and your relationships. That free resource, the guide, is linked below in the show notes. So make sure you grab that. Have that conversation within 24 hours and watch everything in your life reorient around greater truth. Let us know how it went, how it changed things, what was challenging. And for now, back to the show.

SPEAKER_03 39:15

So this first year, long distance, boundaries were crossed. You're acknowledging that that was a miss on your end, for sure. You think the relationship would have ended much earlier had you been clear about that?

SPEAKER_00 39:29

I think so. I think that she would have continued to breach the boundaries and that I would have enforced the boundary.

SPEAKER_03 39:38

I think that that's a really important key for learning in what we're offering, and also just in relationships in general. It's like, yeah, the risk is the loss of the relationship. But with partnerships specifically, this is this is true with everything. Like the sooner we can come back into alignment, the less chaotic the return. Yeah. But with relationships specifically, there are always these like next steps that make things so much harder. And while I am super grateful that this next step of moving to San Diego happened, ultimately, like the more intertwined your lives are as the relationship progresses, the harder the fall, the more grief that has to happen, the more energetic and emotional unwinding that has to be processed. And so, yes, the risk of loss of the relationship is there. But if you want your life to be as easeful as possible, it really is a non-negotiable to like be transparent and honest at every step of the game.

SPEAKER_00 40:44

Yeah, 100%. And in this relationship, like I really believe that as painful as it was in the end, everything worked out exactly as designed. Yeah. And yeah, just a few things to continue on with the story. When we were long distance, I did my yoga teacher training in Arizona. So I really couldn't travel. And so instead of alternating months, she came to see me every single month. And I was that was a new experience for me of devotion and of commitment. And that deepened our trust in our relationship. And um eventually I did move to San Diego. Uh something that like fought fought pretty hard for a while, and then COVID happened, and I was working from home, and it and it and it felt right and it felt available. And then uh I moved straight in to her place. Um we started living together during COVID, and she got COVID, and later on she recounted the experience to me of me really taking care of her and that being like a significant milestone in the relationship. I think that was probably the first time that she felt like really taken care of and provided for by a man. And so we had a few years in San Diego that were like really, really beautiful, you know, we had a lot of fun. Uh, we didn't fight, which I know now is like a red flag, not having any conflict or those honest conversations, but it was really, really great.

SPEAKER_03 42:12

And then um in that phase, are there awarenesses that you have now of also things that were being swept under the rug? Like I know that the the picture is that everything was really useful and working well, but is that like the full truth? Were there moments where there was things being swept under the rug and it just like wasn't that big of a deal because things were useful?

SPEAKER_00 42:38

Or I think there was a lack of awareness and a lack of self-scrutiny that made this period of time like blissfully unaware. Like I don't really have memories of like, oh, that happened and I didn't say anything. I do have this memory. Uh she was going through uh a leadership training that I did later on, and she was trying to enroll me in it, actually. And I was standing on the stairs and she was asking me, you know, how does your ego like talk to you inside your own head? And I was like, No, I'm good. Like, that's not anything that I struggle with. Like, there's no like voices inside my head that are unconsciously influencing the way that I'm showing up. Like, I'm enlightened, and so that memory came up, and that's what made me answer. Like, I think there was just a lack of awareness that there was like so much that I didn't see. And I ended up doing that leadership training, and I ended up like setting aside that belief that like I was all good upstairs. Yeah, you know, that there were some things to work with. And so that was massive. And then I started to gain some awareness and I started to mature. And the next chapter of the relationship, so it was me and her and one of my best friends who were living in a three bedroom house, and then there was a chapter. Where her and I moved to our own place. And like this is the chapter where I start to really see that some things maybe aren't as great as they seem on paper.

SPEAKER_03 44:13

Before we start diving into that, something that is clicking right now that hasn't ever clicked is like she really guided you into this leadership training. And that was a catalyst for both of you. And then, you know, as we go into the next phase of the story, there the roles did kind of switch where maybe she wasn't coming with you, but I hadn't ever really seen that. Oh, there was this phase where she was continuing to lead, like, come with, you know, come with me into this relationship, come with me into this commitment, come with me to San Diego, come with me into this leadership training.

SPEAKER_00 44:49

That's really interesting because from the very beginning, like when I met her in college, uh, there was a lot of leading from my end. She was in another relationship that I let her know, like, hey, like, if we're gonna do this, like you can't be in that relationship. That guy was actually supposed to move to San Diego with her, and I helped her see that like that wasn't it. And I introduced her to the power of now, right? So at the beginning, it was like really an inflection point for her. Um, and then yeah, you're right, like she did lead some of the way, and I hadn't really seen that before, but that leadership training was was big for me, and then yeah, we moved into this new place together. Oh, one thing I want to say when I graduated from that leadership training, you know, at this point in my life, I hadn't shed a tear in a decade. And when I graduated the leadership training, there was this big event, and she showed up there by surprise, and there's this really beautiful acknowledgement when she was acknowledging me in front of everybody, and she was telling me all these great things about me, and she said the word reliable. She told me that I was reliable, and my tear duct just like cracked, and like one like single tear seeped out, but it was like, yeah, I was like, fuck, I'm so reliable, and like I've never been acknowledged for being reliable, and so that was like a big, a big moment for us.

SPEAKER_03 46:13

So you start living together, and then you start to notice like what's the first things that you start to notice maybe aren't fitting?

SPEAKER_00 46:22

Well, this had even happened before we moved into our place, is I started experiencing sexual dysfunction. I started experiencing erectile dysfunction. Like it got to the point where probably like nine out of 10 times I could not get a full erection. And this was incredibly taxing on the relationship. You know, she's wondering if it's her. I'm like, I love her, I'm attracted to her, but this isn't working. Like, am I attracted to her? You know, like these it created a lot of mental turmoil, and we didn't know what was happening at the time. And so that really kind of infected my brain, or I thought infected my brain. It was actually like an intelligent signpost for me, and I'll share more about that later. Uh, but it really had this doubt creep in of, you know, if I'm not responding to her sexually, is this really who I'm supposed to be with? And so about a year went by of that, of me trying to heal it on my own, shining red light on my balls, like giving myself pelvic floor massages, taking different supplements, and really nothing worked until I finally sought help, which was totally playing out this lone wolf narrative. And after seeing a couple doctors figured it out, and I had a tumor sitting in my pituitary gland, which was messing up my hormones and contributing to this issue. And I was like, great, because there was an easy fix and fixed it and got back to a point where I wasn't experiencing sexual dysfunction. And my belief was that when we're able to have sex again consistently, this doubt that I have in my mind if this relationship isn't for me will disappear. And that's not what happened. That doubt actually grew in intensity, and it was something that I really had to fight or really fought within me because I was out of touch with my emotional world. I was hyper-rational and hyper-logical, and everything on paper looked fantastic. Like from the outside looking in, this was a relationship that anybody would probably envy. And so I didn't know what to do with that, and I didn't share my doubt with her. It wasn't until, you know, a year plus of experiencing this sexual dysfunction that I had a real conversation with her about how it was impacting me emotionally. I just put on like a brave, tough front, acted like it didn't bother me too much, was there for her. And um she didn't know what I was experiencing internally and how tough that was on me.

SPEAKER_03 49:09

So when you start having this conversation with her about like how it's impacting you emotionally, what is the conversation?

SPEAKER_00 49:17

The conversation is just that it's been really hard for me, that it's been confusing for me to experience this conflict between my attraction to her and how my body is responding to her. It's not like it's making me doubt this relationship. So that I continued to hide that.

SPEAKER_03 49:40

That truth. Were you spending time thinking about how you were doubting the relationship, or was it kind of just like, oh, this is coming up and I just don't want to think about this?

SPEAKER_00 49:52

It was a pretty persistent and started off as less frequent and became more and more frequent over time until by the end it was like sitting on my chest every day. But it was like pretty immediate suppression of like, no, there's no reason why this isn't good. There's no reason why this isn't the relationship for me. That's crazy.

SPEAKER_03 50:15

Were you talking to anyone about it?

SPEAKER_00 50:17

No, I didn't talk to anybody about it. I didn't talk to anybody about my erectile dysfunction besides her, and I didn't talk to anybody about doubting the relationship. This is all stuff that I carried on my own.

SPEAKER_03 50:27

And this is like a year and a half, two years of time?

SPEAKER_00 50:31

This is two years, two years plus that I'm carrying this around.

SPEAKER_03 50:34

Yeah. So retrospectively, if you were to take like the leadership skills that you have now and place them over that phase of life, what would have been different?

SPEAKER_00 50:48

The first thing I would have done would be to talk to somebody. You know, we talked about earlier about okay, if the relationship ends, I'm a failure, was the belief. And my dick's not working, I'm less of a man, is a belief. And I just couldn't talk to anybody about it. And so that's the first thing that I would have done is just like get some support. And I think that that would have been it would have improved my mental health a ton. I would have had the balls to have a real conversation with her sooner. That's the second part of the leadership frame. It's like I would have just had a transparent conversation with her, you know.

SPEAKER_03 51:29

But the first part of the leadership frame is really important because it's about leading yourself. You know, it's like actually leadership isn't always being at the front where people are looking to you. Actually, leadership is knowing when you need support.

SPEAKER_01 51:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 51:44

Because the best leaders know how to delegate and have a team on board, and the most successful people on the planet have people in their corner. And so that feels like a really important like highlight underlying bold asterisk because leading isn't just knowing where you're going. Leading is admitting I actually don't know where I'm going and I need help getting there.

SPEAKER_00 52:10

Yeah. And I also had this story that nobody would get it, that my problems, like almost this like narcissism. Like my problems are worse than anybody else's, and no one can support me. And if I tell somebody about this, they won't get it and they'll judge me. And I had this story that there's nobody in my camp that could have supported me. And reasonably, all my connections at that point in life were college drinking buddies. But I know now that they would have supported me, or they would have at least given me more support than I had. Um, and man, it was incredibly heavy to carry that around by myself.

SPEAKER_03 52:53

When I talk to clients and friends about like the program of depression, it really is like depression is a dis-ease or an illness or a program or whatever word you want to use, where when you are experiencing it, the narrative that runs through your mind is I'm the only one. And understanding that that narrative is a feature of the depression program is important because if you don't understand that, then inherently it will get you. Like that's what it's designed to do, is that dis-ease is meant to convince you that you are the only one. And so when people start experiencing that, they are convinced that they're the only one, and that is what prevents getting support. But actually, it's just a computer program has been inserted into you of depression, and now your mind is running the depression narrative of I'm the only one, no one will ever understand. And so, just as a little side note for anyone listening, like the second that that story starts running, I'm the only one, no one's gonna get it. That is the sign that you must reach out for support. So you're running this depression program. You probably didn't, I don't know if you've ever called it that, but that is what it is.

SPEAKER_00 54:23

I was down bad. I was feeling exhausted. It was hard to get out of bed. My body felt heavy, I felt utterly alone. So yeah, I think that it's my first time saying this out loud. I was experiencing depression. And the exhaustion was from the tremendous energy psychologically that I was putting in to deny the truth that was so strong within me. And so, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 54:54

It takes an incredible amount of life force to suppress a core truth. And people think that they just don't have motivation or something's wrong with them because they can't do the things that everyone else is doing. And it's like, no, you're actually using all of your life force to suppress guilt, shame, anger, a truth, whatever it is. So that is a really powerful statement to understand like actually you were exhausted because there's this huge knowing that you had that you were expending pretty much every ounce of life force you had to suppress so that you didn't have to do the hard thing.

SPEAKER_00 55:38

Yeah, I was fighting so, so hard, and the plot thickens because at the beginning of the new year, she made a vision board every year. And this particular year on the vision board, she included a wedding ring. And so the part of me that was hyper rational said this is the natural next step in the process. The part of me that was a people pleaser said this is gonna make her really, really happy. And the part of me that couldn't tolerate the failure of the relationship all worked together and got me on board to buy this engagement ring.

SPEAKER_03 56:20

All while all of your life force is going to suppress your knowing in the exact opposite direction.

SPEAKER_00 56:26

Totally. And I remember thinking, uh, like this is a little fast, and I don't really feel ready for this, but this this is the next step, you know. So might as well. Again, like this, why not? It is like a really weak place to make decisions from. And so I remember like spending the money on the ring and like just this drop inside of me. You know, it's a lot of money, but I remember rationalizing that away and saying, Oh, this is like normal, this is a big decision, it's more money than you've spent on anything before, and like this is normal. And she was like there with me, and I remember even noticing that within me within me and being like, Are you okay? So I was like, Yeah, it's just it's just like a big, a big decision.

SPEAKER_03 57:16

And um if you had to describe that somatic experience right now, what did it feel like when you purchased that ring?

SPEAKER_00 57:25

It's like somebody hit a bell, like a big ass Liberty bell, and the ring was muted and flat, and it just like dropped within me. It's like every all the energy in my body just dropped through my feet and like flattened out into a puddle on the ground. That's how I would describe it. Wow. And then I proposed, and it was a beautiful proposal. We had a beautiful night, but I remember this moment during the proposal where I asked her, and I felt myself on the brink of a crack of crying, and then it like never came. And I was like, huh. I thought that moment would like be, I thought it would be more. I thought it made it feel like more. And so now she has a ring on her finger.

SPEAKER_03 58:18

So rewind to this moment of buying the ring. I want to keep circling back to this like leadership theme. You know, like leadership could be perceived as oh, I saw this as something she wanted, so I got it for her. But where was your miss?

SPEAKER_00 58:37

Well, a gift is something that you want to give. And an engagement ring is a conditional gift. There are the conditions that come with it is you must wholeheartedly be devoted to spending your life with this person, and you must have a knowing that transparency is the whole heart of your relationship. And I didn't have that.

SPEAKER_03 59:06

Yeah, so it would appear that the theme of leadership lost in this relationship is lack of conversation. It's like over and over there were invitations to have conversations about boundaries being crossed, or like what your needs actually were, or how you were actually feeling about erectile dysfunction, or the purchase of the ring, or you know, the proposal itself. And it's like over and over there was this choice, subconscious, conscious, a little mix of both to not have those conversations because you didn't have tools, but also you just chose not to.

SPEAKER_00 59:45

Yeah. Leaders don't just charge ahead. That is a part of it. Grunts charge ahead. And I was a grunt, and I was charging ahead on this plan that I actually hadn't created for myself. I'd like inherited this white ticket fence plan, and I was like bulldoz bulldozing my way through any emotional emotional signals or red flags that came to interrupt that. And so leaders do lead the charge, but they also pause and they survey the landscape and they look at the vision and they understand any potential threats and they set contingency plans and they lean on their counsel and they have these transparent conversations and they're willing to unlearn and relearn and change their minds. And I didn't do any of that.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:38

And it also wasn't your plan, which is really important. It's like leaders are like planners, they're creating their intentions. It's like they have you know, a plan for their day, a plan for their week, their month, their life. And like that's it makes it much easier to lead if you have an inherent motivation for the plan ahead instead of just something that's been dropped to you, and you're like, okay, I guess why not? You know, like to lead someone else's plan is doable, but to lead a plan that you're wholeheartedly behind is a much, much different experience.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:17

Totally. And to lead a plan that feels supported by something greater than you, not by a plan that's been delivered by culture or by your parents. So now there's a ring on her finger, and you can imagine that everything starts to feel much more real. And I remember every time that she wanted to sit down and start planning the wedding, I'd make something up. Like I'd uh like we can do that later, you know. And even that, you know, I didn't acknowledge, I didn't understand that as like not just resistance to like sitting down and planning, but resistance to getting married. And we were only engaged for about four months, but during that period of time, I had a few really eye-opening experiences. One of them was a yoga retreat, and I was the corporate guy in the corner, and everybody else were entrepreneurs and they were like trusting God and surrendering to life, and that wasn't anything that I'd ever really experienced. You know, I'd like read about it, but I was gripping my five-year plan very tightly. And you know, looking at these people, like their their lives were working for them. And I was like, huh, maybe I could try this surrender thing, maybe I could try like releasing the grip, and maybe that would work for me too. And that retreat was an awakening for me. Like I came home back to my fiance at a different frequency. And I came home and I did have a conversation with her of you know, getting married to me doesn't feel like it feels like a door closing, not a new door opening. And I don't know if I'm ready to get married. Not I don't want to, but I don't know that I'm ready to get married. And I was so inspired and lit up by this retreat, and it was so clear to both of us that she couldn't get on to this frequency. Like she kept saying, I feel like you just got on a rocket ship and I want to get on, but I don't know how. We founded this relationship on growth, and I felt like she'd gotten really comfortable, and I felt like I was growing, and she acknowledged that, right? And she said that she wanted to commit to growth again, but there was really no action from her end, which is really interesting because it's like the design of the relationship was was to end, and it's like if she had taken action, then who knows? Um and I started having dreams that were clear as day that she wasn't coming with me, and I started seeing signs in my life that were clear as day, and God is speaking to me so clearly that it no longer felt like something I couldn't do. At that time, I said, I would say to myself, like, I don't want to do this, but I feel like I have to. I feel like God's hand is guiding me to do this, and like I cannot resist it any further. And it was so, so hard. I remember one night I was driving downtown to teach a yoga class after another day of this weight sitting on my chest and thinking as like the highway curved that maybe I just launched my car off the side of the freeway because I didn't want to die, I just didn't see another way out of living this. Life that wasn't mine. And it just got heavier and heavier. And I remember one day I was sitting in my car outside the library, and I couldn't put my hands on the wheel. My body was shaking, and the phone felt so heavy, but I knew that I had to call somebody. I didn't really feel this. I didn't really think this in my head at the time, but it was like call somebody or like exit this world. You know, because you can't you can't continue to carry this on your own. And even though I felt like I didn't have anybody to call, I called my dad. And I said, I think I need to leave this relationship. And the first time I said that out loud to anyone. And this was like the moment in my life where I realized the power of vulnerability. Because for the first time in a long time, I felt like I could breathe. And my dad was great. And he told me about an experience that he had had in his life that was similar before he met my mom. And he didn't try to change my mind. And the next day I called my mom. I had a good conversation with her too. And I think it was the next day I had a conversation with my then fiance. And it wasn't planned. It was totally spontaneous. She was actually supposed to be out at a friend's DJ set. And I got home from teaching yoga. And that morning that I taught yoga, my master teacher, who led my teacher training from Arizona, surprised me in my class. Somebody there brought me like a flower lay and gave it to me. So there's so much like support and love pouring into me. And when I got home, she was home. She wasn't supposed to be there. And she was just like drained over the bed. She was like dead. And I was like, what's going on? And she's like, I'm afraid that you won't come back because I had a trip planned to Pali. And I was like, at first I was like, that's crazy. Like, I'm a return flight. I don't remember how that conversation went. It was a spontaneous blur. But essentially the conversation that we had backed me into a corner where I cannot emerge from without speaking the truth. And I remember the words that I said of I choked them out. I can't do this anymore. I mentioned early in this conversation that I shed one tear probably a year prior, but I really hadn't cried at all for a decade. And when I said I can't do this anymore, the dim broke. I started sobbing like baby. And she was so sweet and kind, and she supported me. But like that was the moment where there was no going back from.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:03

I'm like emotional listening to this part of the story. You know, like when you call Sam, I'm just like, ah, blossom, that he was like the person that was there for you. And then your mom. And it's just like that. I feel like so many people are like scared to talk to their parents, you know. And so many people can't. But I think it's like a really beautiful part of this story that they were the first two people that you called.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:30

And then like that was just the level of share that you needed, and also them witnessing you and not trying to change your mind is really powerful. And then the way spirit showed up for you that morning, and it was just like so clearly everything coming back into place.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:50

Yeah. To this day, it was the biggest moment of my life. It was a major inflection point. You know, I've been into spirituality and read all these books and heard people talking about spirit guiding them and presenting opportunities and answers. And I was like, I'm not getting any of that. I'm gonna say every day, I'll do yoga, teach yoga, read these books, try and do my best. And I always say that ending that relationship was the demonstration of faith that Spirit required in order to start partnering with me in my life. Wow. The moment I did that, Spirit was like, okay, I can see that you want to play on my team and let me guide you.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:46

We talk about faith and trust often, and it really is like you don't get a guarantee. You must jump, you must do the thing that scares you the most. And that really is part of it. It's like spirit, you always say this spirit will work with you, not for you. And it's like the truth is that spirit's always trying to work with you. But until you take that risk, until you do the thing that's scary, until you have the conversations that you are absolutely terrified to have, or let someone else hold the weight that you're holding with you, there is no spaciousness for those messages and that support to come through. And people tell their stories of the way spirit started showing up for them all the time. And it is always different, but always similar, where it's like there is a moment often where suddenly, like, I took a risk, I didn't know what was gonna happen. It was terrifying, but there was so much beauty on the other side.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:52

Yeah. That was the biggest leap of my life, and there have been leaps since, but no leap has been that scary and that excruciating. Something that really helped me at that time was I got to a place where I could say to myself, I'd rather trust this and it not work out than live the rest of my life wondering what if and carrying a what if around through everybody arriving at my wedding, through getting married, through raising children. I'm gonna hover a what if around their heads? No, like I could not do it. And all those worries were there. What if I never find somebody this good again? You know, that was the big one. Like this, I still, I was like, this is pretty good, you know. This is better than a lot of people get. Who am I to ask for more than good? How ungrateful of me to throw away something good with no promise of something better.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:04

Yeah, the stories that our ego will tell to keep us safe are wild. And the truth is that spirit wants us to live in heaven right now, you know, and it's like that goodness exists in so many places, and there are so many stories that we have about like how ungrateful am I, or I'm not deserving of this thing, or other people get to have this and I don't, or this is good enough, or this woman's amazing, you know, she's amazing, she's beautiful, she's so kind, but it doesn't really matter how good the thing is if it's not a fit for you. And that's the difference. It's like, is this the way that spirit wants to express through me, or no? And that's really the only question that matters.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:58

Yeah, so God bless her, send lots of love her way, and I think this is a good place to start wrapping it up.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:11

Do you have any other reflections about ways that you would have shown up then, that you showed up now, or things that you would recommend to people in similar phases of life from the wisdom that you've gained from that?

SPEAKER_00 1:14:28

I think tying the bow on it would be really useful for the listeners. You know, for anybody that's young and kind of in a place of like, I'm ready to experience committed partnership. Don't do what I did and assume that that partnership has to end in marriage for it to be successful. I really have relearned what a successful relationship is. And a successful relationship is characterized by learning and experiencing a greater capacity to give and receive love, to speak truth, to enter into vulnerable conversations with each other, to go through hard things and come out okay, to learn about yourself, to learn about love. All of those are much better criteria for a successful relationship than an ending in marriage. That belief is incredibly debilitating in being transparent and honest and authentic in your relationship. So I'm gonna just set that one aside. The other thing is setting boundaries and enforcing boundaries. You have to get to a place where your self-respect is more important than the value that you the validation that you can get from another person. You have to come to this place within yourself that you matter and you always have mattered, and you will continue to matter regardless of anyone's presence in your life. So we talk about it a lot, like this hierarchy of spirit first, self second, and relationship third. I didn't have that. Yeah, I didn't have that. Um, my heart hierarchy was incorrect in that relationship. So correcting that is a major key. And the last and final thing that I'll say is just setting aside this false masculine facade that emotions are weak, that I must have it all together, that I can't be supported by another, and leaning into those vulnerable conversations courageously, not just with my ex, but with the people that might have been supportive to me during that process, initiating more, right? We we mentioned that she really enjoyed planning and setting things up, but inviting her more into experiences where she could put that on the altar and I could lead entirely. You know, I took her her excitement around leading as an excuse to not lead. And both can be true, but you know, she could have led and I could have created experiences where she didn't have to. Um, so that's another thing that if I knew what I know now, I would have done.

SPEAKER_04 1:17:24

Beautiful. And homework.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:27

Homework. Man, we'll tell you to do this every time, but that vulnerable, transparent, scary conversation that you've been avoiding, have it. And we have a great resource for you. It's a short guide from closed to connected that will walk you through exactly how to have that conversation. It's a short video and a script that Jessica and I created for free for listeners of this podcast. So grab that at the link in the show notes and have that conversation within 24 hours. So that's one piece of homework.

SPEAKER_04 1:18:07

I think that's good.

SPEAKER_03 1:18:08

I think we start there. Just like leave it there. There's always a conversation you can have that you're not having. And, you know, some people listen to our conversations about honesty versus transparency, and they're like, Yeah, this is great. I agree with it. But the question is, are you doing it? And so assume there is something that you could be more transparent about with yourself and with your partner and just have it because the more conversations like that you have, the easier they get. And like we said, yeah, like the risk is loss of the partnership, but the bigger risk is being in a partnership that doesn't fit your life for the rest of your life.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:48

Yeah. Yeah. And on the other side of that conversation, you get for sure greater alignment. Transparently, that might mean the ending of the relationship, or it might mean a more honest relationship. And also what you'll get to incentivize you to have this conversation is an influx of energy because we've talked about the tremendous amount of psychic and physical energy that it takes to suppress truth. Totally. And so speaking that truth, uh, you'll have all this life force that's liberated within you. So hopefully that's a little extra nudge to actually do it.

SPEAKER_04 1:19:28

Amen.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:29

Amen.

SPEAKER_04 1:19:30

Thanks for sharing your story, baby.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:32

Yeah, it sounds good. All right, we love you guys.

SPEAKER_04 1:19:34

We love you. See you next week.