#27: She Didn’t Eat For 40 Days! | Jessica’s 40-Day Water Fast

Building an unbreakable relationship with your word is a superpower. You can make big, bold declarations (like Jessica did with her 40-Day Fast) and follow through. That all starts with learning to trust your voice, and that only happens through uncomfortable conversations. We’ve created a free guide for you to help you lead those conversations without abandoning yourself or blowing up.

Grab it here: From Closed To Connected

On today's much anticipated episode, Jessica spills the tea on her 40-day water fast. No food, no broth, only water. She shares what led her to make this massive commitment, her discernment process in choosing this fast as a spiritual practice, how she separated her history of disordered eating from her decision, and the way this fast bulletproofed the power of her word. This wasn’t an impulsive choice; it’s a commitment that she’s trained her whole life for. She reveals what she learned, some guidance for others interested in the healing that fasting provides, what tested her most, and the unexpected surprises that showed up.

This is a rare conversation. Jessica is part of a very, very small group of people who have completed a fast of this length, and you get to hear about first-hand in this week’s conversation.

We do not recommend anyone complete a 40-day water fast. This is not medical advice.

Follow us on IG:

https://www.instagram.com/loveisaacwathen

https://www.instagram.com/lovejessicakate

https://www.instagram.com/thewellworshippedman

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

I was expecting to do this 40-day fast and be like in bed the whole time. That just like isn't what happened at all.

SPEAKER_02 0:06

Jessica only consumed water for 40 days. I didn't know that humans could survive without food for 40 days.

SPEAKER_00 0:15

No, you don't need to do 40 to like have a successful fast. My word is my most valuable resource. I stood up in a room of 40 people and said, I'm gonna do a 40-day water fast.

SPEAKER_02 0:28

Don't say anything that you're not confident you can do.

SPEAKER_00 0:32

Right before you make a big commitment, all of the reasons that you shouldn't do it come through.

SPEAKER_02 0:38

What was hard about this fast?

SPEAKER_00 0:41

For this 40 days, the most important thing is the Welcome to the Well Worship Man podcast, where men come to build unshakable presence, become the rock in their relationships, and build a legacy that lasts beyond their years. Here, we explore the path to mature masculinity through humble power, daily devotion, and unwavering integrity.

SPEAKER_02 1:07

Thanks, baby. Make sure that you leave a review for the podcast. It helps us out a ton as we continue to grow and share these messages. And also, we've got something really special for you. It's a free guide to help you have the conversation that you've been avoiding. We talk a lot on this podcast about transparency and courage. And sometimes that's easier said than done. So that guide for you is linked below in the show notes. Make sure to grab that. Hey, baby.

SPEAKER_00 1:36

Hey, baby. What are we talking about today?

SPEAKER_02 1:39

Well, you just did something that puts you in the top.001% of humans on the planet. Like truly something that is astounding. And that is that you recently completed a 40-day water fast. So we're gonna spend today sharing about that.

SPEAKER_00 2:02

Yeah, four days ago, I think we completed it. And it was a ride. I have sat in a lot of different types of ceremonies and rituals and initiations, and that is certainly one all its own.

SPEAKER_02 2:21

Yeah, and for anyone who's listening who's like glitching out, like I didn't know that humans could survive without food for 40 days. That that is what we're talking about. Uh Jessica only consumed water for 40 days.

SPEAKER_00 2:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:37

So this is like a massive undertaking. You know, it's not something that I personally would be like, one day, I think I'm just not gonna eat for 40 days. You know, it's not like a flippant decision, it's not like a benign choice. So something pretty powerful had to have led you there. So, can you share about what ultimately led to you making this massive commitment?

SPEAKER_00 3:06

Yeah, there is certainly a journey that got to that point. I think to your point of people having questions off the cuff. Something that I do want to say is there are many ways to fast and cleanse, and there are many reasons that people do it. And for the purpose of specificity, I was truly only drinking water. Like there wasn't anything in it. There was no flavorings to it, there was no like lime juice, I wasn't drinking teas. We added minerals for safety purposes, but I wasn't putting salt in my water even until day 36 when we mutually decided that that was probably a good idea based on some physical symptoms I was having. So yeah, for clarity, it was a water-only water fast for 40 days.

SPEAKER_02 4:03

Yeah. So that sets the stage for like what actually happened. What didn't happen was a whole lot of not eating. And so what led you? You know, you talk about like this wasn't like a a decision that you made over the course of weeks. It's actually something that you've been preparing for for your whole life. So what led you to this initiation?

SPEAKER_00 4:32

I feel like it was truly an internal calling. Like some of the gasps or comments online already about the fast is truly this expression of I didn't first of all even know humans could do this. And is it safe? And is there a difference between men and women doing this? And what I would say is that this is not a thing that I would even consider really suggesting to anyone unless there was like a true internal calling to do it. Even for like fasting purposes for health, usually the longest someone would do would be like three weeks, and then they'd start their refeeding process. So I would say that it was a deep internal calling. And I don't know that I necessarily would have called it that, you know, two decades ago when I feel like it first started working in me. For anyone who hasn't heard on, you know, this podcast yet or on other platforms that we share. I had a long road with disordered eating. And so that is something that was at play in the fine-tuning of this calling, basically. You know, like you can't really do something so massive as a 40-day water fast if you have anything even close to resembling an active eating disorder. It just isn't in the cards. It won't be successful, it won't be safe. There's ulterior motives, obviously. And so I would say that, you know, there's some training in my story that we can get into that built some capacity for me to even be able to hold this. And there's like this other route besides the physical training that was really emotional capacity to be able to hold this as well.

SPEAKER_02 6:37

You mentioned that this had been working inside of you for decades. But talk to us about when that internal calling for a 40-day water fast started to surface.

SPEAKER_00 6:53

So some of my training is in the Shipibo lineage in Peru, which is an indigenous tribe that works with different plants, one of which is ayahuasca, but actually they have many other plants that maybe at some point on this podcast we'll talk about that are part of a spiritual path of evolution. And that has been part of my personal journey is studying with this tribe. And when you go to this tribe, part of the work with this study and this culture is spiritual fasting. And up until that point, I had done fasts for health, I had done fasts to lose weight, and I hadn't really understood how to develop this relationship with great spirit, where fasting could be worked with as a resource. And, you know, if you look at different religious cultures or spiritual cultures, there's fasting in almost all of them, in some capacity. I was raised Catholic. And so there is probably stories in the Old Testament as well, but Jesus fasted for 40 days in the desert. And in that story, it talks about him like fighting his demons and talking to Satan. And it's really this arc of his own personal evolution to strengthen his connection to God so that he can go out and do his mission. And that is the cornerstone of most spiritual fasts. It's like, can I take away this thing that makes me innately human and connects me to my humanity so that I can be more connected to great spirit for this, you know, number X number of days while I'm doing this spiritual fast. And so I think that the initial calling started like really percolating and shifting when I started studying in that lineage, because that lineage really taught me the difference between I'm fasting for purely a physical reason, I'm fasting because of my own covert mental health illness and what it felt like to make a commitment to great spirit, to restrict something that was important in order to more deeply understand my connection with great spirit.

SPEAKER_02 9:19

It's this element of sacrifice, which we also see in traditions like Lent, of removing something so that there can be space for more spirit to enter.

SPEAKER_00 9:33

Yeah. Lent is a great example because the way that they talk about it in both Christian context and in the Catholic Church is you give up something for Lent, it's a sacrifice as an offering to great spirit. But at least in the Catholic school that I attended, what they would tell you is okay, anytime you want to reach for that thing, reach for spirit instead. And so in spiritual fasts of sorts, when you are feeling hungry, the guidance is okay, you're feeling hungry, hunger for spirit, talk to spirit, pray, connect there instead. So it's not only this practice of abstinence, but it is also this practice of connecting with something else in its place.

SPEAKER_02 10:21

Yeah. In the work that we do, we work a lot with people's default patterns. Like somebody's default pattern could be reaching for food. And oftentimes what I will prescribe is that's okay, but we just need to interrupt that pattern, right? So maybe when you feel that impulse to reach for food, you sit down and meditate, or you do breath work, or you take a walk, right? You just interrupt that so that conscious choice can be presented instead of just your default A being there. Now you have choice B. But with fasting, what we do or what you did is entirely removing that option. So it's not even there. So there is so much space, right? And so what was it like for you, especially during the beginning of experiencing the introduction of all of this space that previously was filled with shopping for food, preparing food, eating food. Food takes up so much space in our lives.

SPEAKER_00 11:23

When I first started spiritual fasting, I will say that it was a little bit at a time. Like that lineage and that time in my life where I was just like going to Peru and sitting with that tribe was learning this skill of titration that we talk about. It's like, you know, people have asked me about this fast, or they'll say, I'm on day 10. Should I just do 40? And I'm like, what's the longest fast you've ever done? And they're like, six. I'm like, you've already surpassed it. Like, no, you don't need to do 40 to like have a successful fast, you know? And so that process really taught me how to build capacity because what I did when I would go there is I'd say, okay, I'm gonna fast for three days and then I'd do it. And then I'd go back and say, okay, over the course of the next two months, I'm gonna fast for 12 days, but I can do it in any way that I want. And so I can do it seven days in a row. I can do it for three days and then take a seven-day break and then do three more. And so I was really learning to attune to like how my body felt. And so, in your question of like what happens in all the space, first of all, it's a lot of boredom. But also in the way that I was doing it and trying to be kind to my body and modulate the level of intensity of the promises I was making, there was also this level of like back and forth in my choices that I think was important in that time. But actually, retrospectively, what it was doing was filling the space that could have been filled with prayer or something instead, had there been like a decision. And so part of that process of building my capacity was like understanding that when you do a fast, it should feel relatively easy. And it shouldn't feel like your body's falling apart. Are there hard days? Yeah. Are there emotional days? Yeah. But if you're in a lot of pain, or if you feel like depressed in a way that doesn't feel like you can hold it, like there are signs that maybe you've gone too far in the fast. And so I was learning all of these skills in this process of letting myself fast however many days in a row I could. And I would get to like, I don't know, day six. And suddenly I didn't have the power to say, okay, I'm gonna connect with Great Spirit right now. My whole day was just thinking about what am I gonna eat? What am I gonna eat? Like, should I eat? Should I not eat? And so it was clear that by way of how my emotions and my thoughts were moving, I had surpassed my capacity to hold the fast. And I feel like, as I've been sharing with people, like, you know, I've been training for this for years. That's kind of what I have meant of really understanding where does my body's capacity lie? How do I know what type of commitment I can make to be able to hold it? And what does it feel like when the commitment has gone awry? Because it really is the point of the spiritual fast to be able to stay connected to self and spirit and not go so deeply into the distraction that you've lost the plot completely.

SPEAKER_02 15:02

Yeah. So you've done many fasts to prepare for this one and to understand your body signals and what can potentially come up on a fast. And the link here that's really interesting, and I think the one that's drawing a lot of attention from people online. Is the link between fasting and your history of disordered eating. So, how did you distinguish between an authentic decision to do a 40-day fast for spiritual reasons and any remnants of your disordered eating or your unhealthy relationship with food?

SPEAKER_00 15:48

I will first start by saying I have been on a journey of healing disordered eating since I was 15. I like started with that process of experiencing disordered eating and body dysmorphia when I was in like third grade. I put myself in therapy when I was 15. And I'm now 35. So there has been a deep healing journey that I've been on for two decades. And that is a really important part of the story because it's not like I was in the intensity of my disordered eating six months ago and then decided to do a 40-day fast. I would say that from an outside perspective, my disordered eating has been pretty healed for at least a decade. And I am always doing more and more work and teasing out more and more specificity of how can I be even healthier and healthier. So there are thoughts and remnants and little teeny tiny behaviors that I've been kind of like micro adjusting for years. But really, like a diagnosable eating disorder has been gone for a very, very, very long time. That being said, part of my preparation for this commitment was ensuring that there was not even a teeny tiny speck or crumb in the field. And I would say that, you know, in my process of building my capacity for fasting, the longest fast I done before 40 days was a 21-day fast that I did last year in Peru. And that was a huge deal. And during that process, I learned a lot about really long fasts. One of which is like when you're fasting, you're fasting. And there can't really be much else going on in your life. So you shouldn't really be exercising because if you do, then you're not preserving the muscle function. And if you have expectations of yourself, then it's too much of a mental load and you'll likely fail. And so that fast was really like super rest-based. I wasn't even really reading or anything. I was just like laying around. And around that time, I started really deeply working on the integrity of my word. And in that process of working on the integrity of my word, I started saying this mantra of my word is my most valuable resource. And that alone started building my capacity to be able to say something like, I'm going to do a 40-day fast and be successful. Before that, when I would say, I'm going to do X fast, I would like that 21-day fast was a 12-day fast that turned into a 21-day fast. I wasn't really able to make promises that felt too big because I didn't really trust myself. And in the process of building my integrity with my word, I also built my integrity in my character. And so in preparing for this 40-day fast, the arc of it was really oh, now there's this whisper of a 40-day fast that's not just a whisper from spirit in different languages, but it's you're gonna do a 40-day fast, period. And I sat with it by myself for a while and started just making sure in my own field, why is this coming up? And we can talk about some of the different reasons why it came up in a second, but I was really scanning like every time it came up, is there any part of me that is thinking about what I'm gonna look like on the other side? And for me, that 21-day fast was a really important key because what I learned in the process of the different fast building up to it, but also that one is my body's certainly gonna change on this fast, and then it's gonna do whatever it wants to do to get back into health afterwards. Like there's no such thing as doing a fast and being like, this is what I look like now. Your body has to regain its health and nutrition. And in my healing process, understanding that the body goes in different phases of what it looks like, what it feels like, the amount of strength it has, the amount of nutrition it has, gave me this understanding that my body is expressing how it needs to express based on the phase of life I'm in, not because I want to be skinny and I'm doing this fast. So that was like a huge release leading up to this fast.

SPEAKER_02 20:50

Yeah, you did something really interesting that I don't know anyone else would do on the eve of something this massive because people want to document, people want to measure. You didn't weigh yourself beforehand and you didn't take any pictures. Why did you do that?

SPEAKER_00 21:11

Yeah, thank you for bringing that up. So I actually not only did I not weigh myself, but I went through a journey over the past year in my own process before I told anyone that this was even on my mind of like making a commitment to actually just not be on a scale. Like I had like a goodbye ceremony with scales. I don't know if that will change over time or whatever. Obviously, like life ebbs and flows, but it was this like really sacred honoring of like, thank you to the scale for being basically like a talisman for this great teacher of my disordered eating and my body. And like, I no longer need this. My value is no longer measurable by a number that changes from day to day. I am no longer willing to. Step on anything that could so easily impact my emotional process. I made art out of my scale, just like fully released it as if it were a friend that I had for a really long time that was dying. And I remember when you had asked me, like, are you gonna take pictures or weigh yourself? And I was like, no, it's like totally not about that. And what was awesome about that question is in my response, I could feel in my body the truth that it 100% in every cell in my body was not about any of that. And so I didn't take any pictures. I still haven't like taken a picture that has anything related to do with the fast. I don't have any intention of getting on a scale anytime soon. I do think that is like a unique part of the journey and was an important way for me to know that like it truly wasn't about that.

SPEAKER_02 23:01

So it wasn't about how you looked, wasn't about what you weighed. And I know that this fast taught you things that perhaps you weren't expecting, but headed into it. What were you hoping to accomplish, achieve, or see change through this 40-day process?

SPEAKER_00 23:22

Yeah. Before I answer that, I just want to make one more note on like how to make sure that this process was clean and separate from my past history with food and fasting. So I went through this journey of my own internal stuff, but then I started letting people in. And first I let you in. And that was very sacred because it's like you're my closest mirror, you know? Like if someone is gonna see something, that's really why it was scary to let other people into the process. Is if I let the people who are closest to me in, who I deeply trust, they might see something I'm not seeing. And I feel really called to do this fast. But if you say, hey, I see this thing that you're not seeing about your eating disorder, then that's then it's cut. Like then that's a blind spot. And maybe I can shift some things around or whatever. But I was really committed to like if that was in there, it wasn't going to be part of the journey. And so I told you, and your reflections were really clean, and you trust me, and you could feel that I trust myself. And so that was great. And then the last two people I let in were my closest sisters, and they have incredible medicine and incredible foresight. And I really trust them to see anything I can't see, which is why our sisterhood's so sacred. And I told them basically right before I was starting. And I just remember feeling this like, okay, like this is the moment of truth. Like, if they see anything that I'm not seeing, then I'm not gonna do this. And I'm so certain I know that I haven't missed anything. But there was that like vulnerability risk there of knowing that if they saw something that I didn't see, that it would be this ceremony I thought I was gonna sit in that I didn't. And that was a really important piece and is a really important part of teasing out when there are covert motivations because we keep things to ourselves because we don't want to admit when there's something that's true. And by letting other people in, we do take that risk that they might see something that's not part of our own vision. But that is an important part of having community that can check you. And so that was basically my system to make sure that I was aligned and like clean of any ulterior motives, essentially.

SPEAKER_02 26:05

And then you missed the massive commitment that you made that really grounded it in to this is happening.

SPEAKER_00 26:14

For sure. I stood up in, we spoke at a retreat, and I felt so strongly that it was time. And I also felt these little distractions, you know, like right before this happens all the time with people who are gonna work with us, but like right before you make a big commitment, all of the reasons that you shouldn't do it come through. And I was already pretty committed to a start date. And when I was doing it, the closer I got to the start date, the louder these distraction voices got in my mind of like, well, maybe I shouldn't do it. Like, is it healthiest actually for my body to accomplish these goals that I want to accomplish spiritually? If I just keep my body nourished, like my own ego started second-guessing all of the screening that I'd done. So I saw this, I recognized it for what it was, and I stood up in a room of 40 people and said, I'm gonna do a 40-day water fast. And because I had worked on the commitment of my word, and because of the support and the clarity in this room, and everyone hearing me say that, once that happened, it was pretty like complete. Like I was like, okay, this is happening. Here's the start date.

SPEAKER_02 27:42

Yeah, it's like you had like got on the roller coaster and like the shoulder harness had come down and you were in there.

SPEAKER_00 27:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 27:50

And you're doing it at that moment.

SPEAKER_00 27:52

For sure. And there's no way that I was going to go back on that word, having said that in front of all those people and worked on my word all year.

SPEAKER_02 28:05

Yeah. And there's no way you would have said that in that room full of 40 people that love, respected, and trusted you if you hadn't already built an ironclad relationship with your word. It's like, yeah, that made the commitment like this is happening, but it didn't burgeon your confidence in yourself any more than it already was to accomplish the 40-day fast.

SPEAKER_00 28:34

I think that this piece about like your word or my word is the part that's like really translatable to anyone making commitment. It's like if you don't follow through on your word in day-to-day stuff, yeah, then making a commitment doesn't mean a thing.

SPEAKER_02 28:53

Yeah, like making a commitment to a 40-day fast is like I won't say the zenith, but a zenith of the types of commitments that you can make to yourself when you've built a relationship with your word that is ironclad. And at the beginning, it's like really small, gradual things, and it's a step function. It's not like from zero to 100. It's like you mentioned with your journey with fasting. It's like you fasted for a few days, and then the longest one before this was 21 days, right? It's like people really get to hold grace for themselves as they enter into this journey of building a bold and honest relationship with their own word, right? We talk about it with money a lot. It's like in manifestation, it's like, yeah, just manifest, just like say you're gonna make a million dollars next year, but you've never put in the work to make over 80k in a year. It's like, no, there's like you must put in some work, build the capacity and the trust in yourself so that you can say something like, I'm gonna do a 40-day fast, or I'm gonna make a million dollars next year. And it feels a little stretchy, but it like feels within reach because you understand that your word is decree. I really like that for like the relationship you build with your word. Anything I say will be done because it is my decree. And the flip side of that is like don't say anything that you're not confident you can do because that will erode your relationship with your word.

SPEAKER_00 30:21

Yeah, I feel like honestly, that is the coolest part for me of the success of this fast because my relationship with my word for most of my life was absolute trash. Like, I can't even tell you the number of promises I would make to myself per day and break. And so to be able to do this successfully simply because I said it is such a hallmark in my own personal journey. It's really like quite incredible. And it makes me feel so excited about life to come because it really does feel like, oh, I have like achieved this plaque now that you're talking about. My word is decree. And I don't know that many people who have access to that, especially who have had such a hard time with it, which is cool because we're gonna start teaching people this coming this summer. Stay tuned. But yeah, so I made this decree in front of 40 people, and that was what really sealed it.

SPEAKER_02 31:38

Hey there, lend me your attention for just one minute before we dive back into this incredible conversation. And I wouldn't be interrupting if it wasn't for something extremely special that Jessica and I have created for you. If you've been listening to the podcast, you have heard the themes of urgent transparency, of leaning into those courageous and vulnerable conversations that can bring your whole world into greater alignment. But it's easier said than done. There's fear that comes up, there's nervous system state that wants to do nothing else but to avoid or escape. So, what we've done to make this process more accessible for you is we've created a free guide called From Closed to Connected. It includes a short video and a script that you can follow so you can have the conversation that you've been avoiding, the one conversation that can change everything in your life and your relationships. That free resource, the guide, is linked below in the show notes. So make sure you grab that. Have that conversation within 24 hours and watch everything in your life reorient around greater truth. Let us know how it went, how it changed things, what was challenging. And for now, back to the show. Yeah, what were you hoping to achieve, accomplish, or see change through this fast?

SPEAKER_00 33:02

When I think about my intention for this fast, there's like this flood of all of these different layers that come through. But the true primary reason that the fast began, that I felt so called to it, was because I had this chronic skin disorder that I know was completely like nervous system and anxiety based. And though it had healed in many, many ways over my course of emotional, energetic, and physical healing in my life, there was still this physical level that I could not access. And it just really hit me over the past year that anything that I've devoted myself to, I've really accomplished. But that I've never had the spaciousness to say, for this amount of time, this is my primary focus, is to heal this. And so the 40-day fast at its most basic intention and lens started from this place of for this 40 days, the most important thing is the internal cellular healing of my body that cannot be accessed in any other way, other than autophagy. And unless I say that I'm gonna create a container of full devotion to this, I don't think that this will ever heal.

SPEAKER_02 34:56

Can you tell the people what autophagy is?

SPEAKER_00 34:59

I can do my best for sure. So when you are living a normal human life, digestion takes a lot of energy. It is the most, to my knowledge, it takes the most energy of anything that we do as humans. And so when you're eating, your body is devoting a lot of the energy that you're consuming to the digestive process. And everything that you eat takes three to four hours to digest. So every time you eat, there's a three to four hour digestion window. And usually when that ends, you eat again. So all day your body is doing this instead of really anything else. And so when you fast, that process stops. And within I think 24 hours, something like that, your body starts to essentially digest other things in your body, like cellular waste and overtime cancer cells and inflammatory cells that don't need to be there anymore. And there is kind of a timeline of like, okay, 24 hours versus 72 hours versus multiple days. But basically, the longer you fast, the more of these cellular waste things that are inside of your body get cleared out through autophagy, which is like cellular cells eating other cells, is really what it means.

SPEAKER_02 36:32

Yeah. Regulated cell death.

SPEAKER_00 36:34

Yeah.

unknown 36:35

Great.

SPEAKER_02 36:35

It's like a cellular cleanup. There's all these little cells in your body that are either uh broken or bashed or not working as well as they could, or dead, and autophagy, which is a process that only through fasting can we unlock all of those broken, dead, busted cells get cleared out, and there's space for new healthier cells to be more productive.

SPEAKER_00 37:00

So when you look into the physical benefits of fasting alone, there are really amazing places around the world. Um, there's one in California.

SPEAKER_02 37:13

True North. True North Alan Goldhammer.

SPEAKER_00 37:16

And then there's at least one place in Bali that we know of that does these extended fasts and supports people in their physical healing process. And, you know, it's proven based on many people's case studies. The truth is there's not a lot of money that can be made off of not giving people drugs for their illnesses. And so not a lot of research goes into these processes because research funds things that will make companies money. But when you look at all of the results at these clinics, time and time again, people's health improves, whether it's that cancer that was present is totally gone after the fast, or they're completely off of their blood pressure medication, all of these various skin diseases go away. And if you're interested, you can look them up. But there's all of these physical benefits of extended fast. Right. So there's this physical lens that I was like really approaching this through as my number one thing. And then there is also the spiritual lens. You know, I've done a lot of healing in my own personal trauma, and I'm devoted to the path of evolution and continuously understanding my personal connection with great spirit more. And part of this fast was certainly to see what is this level of connection that I can come home to and remember if I'm not consuming food. I will definitely be transparent in my own personal process where I said that the primary function was this physical thing, and that is what I was focused on. And then as the fast progressed, I essentially, maybe like 10 or so days in was like, oh my gosh, like I'm so silly. Everything I do is actually all about spirituality. And that's just my personal process. That doesn't have to be everyone's process. But for me, anything that is spiritual is also energetic, is also emotional, is also physical. And so even though I didn't necessarily start out that way, the truth is that if ever I was going to do any sort of container like this, even if the primary intention I thought was a physical ailment cure, there was always a spiritual intention in my soul in the background. I just wasn't necessarily focused there for the first 10 days because I was focused somewhere else. But that definitely changed throughout the whole process. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 40:24

So we've heard what you were looking to accomplish at the beginning, how you built your word over time to be able to make this level of commitment, how you clearly separated out any remnants from your disordered eating to this authentic decision of choosing a spiritual fast. So let's move into the fast itself.

SPEAKER_00 40:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 40:50

What surprised you most about this fast?

SPEAKER_00 40:53

Oh my gosh. I I mentioned earlier when I did that 21-day fast, I was just like resting the whole time. The whole message in that spiritual fast was rest more. And if you're fasting, you're fasting. You don't have to do anything else. Just like let yourself fast. So I was expecting to do this 40-day fast and be like in bed the whole time. We started first 10 days. We were in San Diego and then we made our way to Guatemala. And I told you, I was like, you know, I want to maybe build some things for our business, like maybe podcast while I'm fasting, but I want to set your expectation that I am doing nothing for the next 40 days, and anything else I do is extra. And that just like isn't what happened at all. So I was most surprised by how much energy I actually had in the fast and how much I wanted to create and love on you and like just be, I don't know, like alive.

SPEAKER_02 42:04

Yeah, it was really amazing. This 40-day fast was easy for Jessica. And, you know, I expected the last 10 days at least for you to be sick in bed. And it did get increasingly more challenging. But the level of vitality and energy that you had to prepare 95% of all of my meals to go into town, to work outside of our home, to see all of your clients and not just to like get through those client sessions, which like I hear like the background noise sometimes, but to serve those clients powerfully and to be communicating with them via voice note and to record this podcast. It's like really, you know, you had a permission slip for 40 days to let everything else slip, right? And none of it did. In fact, I would say that there was even more energy devoted to and cultivated to our service and our mission and our union. And so that uh was what was most surprising for me too. It was astounding. I have I do know how you did it, but you know, part of me is like, I don't know how anybody could perform at the level that you did without food for 40 days.

SPEAKER_00 43:27

It really was like that's when the spiritual switch really turned on, is when I started really, we got to Guatemala and I started really feeling all of this life force that, you know, in the moment was like, I don't even know where this is coming from. And then it was so clear that that was the gift of the ceremony of the fast was really understanding on a new level that yes, as humans, food gives us energy for sure. Eating is important, like eating is important as humans.

SPEAKER_02 44:04

We love eating.

SPEAKER_00 44:05

We love eating. We're so happy to be eating again. And there are alternative sources of fuel, like Mother Earth and Spirit. And here we believe that everything is one energy in different forms for the sake of experience. And that one energy is accessible to connect to at any time. And it became clear during my fast that the more frequently I can connect with the truth, that great spirit is always running through me, the more energy I have for service and devotion and creativity and life. And one of the ways that came through was cooking for you all the time. Like we would sometimes cook together. I might occasionally cook you some food at your house, but it really was not even close to the norm. And suddenly during this fast, I just had all of this devotion pouring through me of like, you're on this six-pack side quest. How can I support you? Like, let me make all of your food and also make it fun so it's like enjoyable and pour all of this love into it. And it was such a beautiful experience for me, because it's like the mental energy that was removed from the cooking and eating process because it wasn't for me, is something I can't really describe. But the fact that every meal was this gift that I got to give you, like supercharged my energy. And even on the days where I was feeling emotional or feeling like, you know, what they'll say is like, if you're if you're clearing some physical toxins, you'll probably also feel some emotional weight in some way. And there's lots of ways that that comes through. Maybe it's like a trauma clearing, maybe your liver is clearing a toxin and the liver also holds anger or whatever. So there were some days where I was like tired in bed. They were pretty few and far between, but there were some days. And even on those days, most of them, when you were hungry, I was like, ah, great. Like something for me to like do and pour love into instead of just like thinking about what I'm feeling about right now.

SPEAKER_02 46:50

Yeah. And on those days, I was like, really? Can you get out of bed and cook for me? And you know, most people that have experience with fasting, they're just like, I don't even want to watch anybody eat, much less prepare food for somebody else. So, what made making me food and watching me eat helpful for you instead of harmful?

SPEAKER_00 47:17

I think that one of the gifts that I received in this fast was devotion. Like I truly think it was teaching my body how to be in devotion in a new way. Like the best thing that you could do for me during my water fast was fill my water sometimes. The observable things we were doing for each other physically were really not comparable, you know, energetically and emotionally, that's a totally different story. But we talk about how couples will like keep score. And it's like if we were like a couple that kept score, like there's like I crushed you every day with these meals, you know? But it's like the the beautiful thing about the process is like, first of all, we never do that anyways, but it was like really helping me understand devotion in this way where it's like I can be devoted to you no matter what I'm doing or how I'm feeling. It is so irrelevant what my personal process is versus being devoted to you. They're separate. My devotion to you comes from my devotion to you and my love for you and the way that I serve you as the embodiment of spirit. That's a separate thing than me feeling hungry. Like it really taught me how to be in devotion in a completely new capacity. So that's one thing. And then also, you know, we talk a lot about nervous system safety here. I really think for me, being able to cook for you cued to my body that there is food. I'm just choosing not to eat it. And so there was this like, I think, subconscious safety thing that was happening that actually gave me some energy to be able to sustain the fast itself by my body knowing there's plenty of food all around. It's delicious. And I can have some if I want. I'm just literally choosing not to.

SPEAKER_02 49:26

There's no famine.

SPEAKER_00 49:27

Yeah, there's no famine.

SPEAKER_02 49:29

So we've talked about how this fast was easy. We've talked about how it was great, but let's talk about some of the ugly parts of this fast. What was hard about this fast?

SPEAKER_00 49:41

Traveling was hard. I feel like that was the first moment in the fast that I really had a challenge was when we were prepping to leave San Diego and come to Guatemala. And I think you knew better than me that that was going to be a hard thing. But I didn't really understand how taxing that was going to be on my system. As I'm talking about it now, it's almost like, you know, when I teach people how to work with plant medicines well, it's like you pick your setting and you stay there. You don't change your setting. Otherwise, the whole portal has to like pick up and go with you. And even though I was obviously completely sober during this whole water fast, it's like that's really what it felt like is like the whole portal, not just my like weak, undernourished body, had to leave San Diego and come to Guatemala, but it really felt like the whole portal had to be shifted. And I was just like so exhausted and miserable and emotional. Like it was really the first time I was feeling some emotions during the fast. And not really at anything, but just like dread is how I remember it. So that was tough. You luckily were prepared for that and very sweet. But I also realized like how much energy is flowing in airports. And that was the first time I was kind of put in my face of like, look how much you use food to regulate. Because I definitely now know more than ever that I eat and snack in airports just to stay regulated amongst all of the chaotic energy. And not having that just made me feel like so unwell. So traveling was hard. And then once we got here, I felt pretty good for a pretty good amount of time. When I did my 21-day fast, something that I had said, which sounds like kind of just a joke from spirit now, but I remember saying, I don't know that women should really fast more than 21 days because 21 days gets you from basically through your menstrual cycle so that you don't have to fast on your bleed. And I think for most women, the max as far as like health is probably 21 days for that reason, so that you're not fasting through all the way through a cycle. And I think if you do that that way, you probably wouldn't have any impact on your, I don't know, any. I'm not that deep in the science about it, but you probably really wouldn't affect your hormones much and you'd stay with your regular cycle. So I remember saying that. And I noticed during this 40-day fast, I believe I started the fast like right after a bleed. And I noticed during this 40-day fast, like when I got to the luteal phase, the late luteal phase, right before when the next bleed was supposed to happen. That was like my next big emotional drop. And we were calling it the doldrums. And I just feel like I felt my hormones dip and my body be like, oh, she hasn't had nourishment. She's unsafe. We can't have a baby. It's like I really felt my physiology suddenly feel that I was quote unquote in danger, which I wasn't like physically, I was doing really quite well. And my hormones are all super healthy. Like I'm gonna have a normal bleed really soon. But the way that I felt that happen was quite emotional. And for people who don't know that are listening, you know, like the late ludeal phase is already the more emotional time for women in their cycle. So to do that and be like, I don't know, 25 days into my fast or however many days I was, I could just really feel the darkness coming through. So that was also a harder part. And because I had been feeling so good, like working with clients and making you food and feeling this creative energy that I feel like had been blocked until whatever cleared through the fast, it was a pretty harsh dip. And then the end of the fast was also hard. And this piece I feel like is really important because in sacred cultures, 40 is a really sacred number. Why 40? About a lot of stuff. You know, we have a 40-day program that we do every November, and people will say, why 40? It could be shorter so it's not as hard. It could be longer so that it's not so intense. But there's 40 in a lot of sacred texts. And so my fast was 40 days. And in previous fasts that I'd done in other contexts, the last few days, you're like so close to the end. Even though you're at the end of the fast, I was like, oh my gosh, like I'm almost done. I feel amazing. You're like kind of pre-celebrating the end. And that isn't not what this fast was like. From day 36 to through day 39, I was like miserable. Like I was nauseous 100% of the time, which is why we added salt. We consulted some things, and it just seemed like maybe my body was ready to have some extra minerals. So we added some salt, which I think was a great decision. And also didn't actually help the nausea like I thought it was going to. And I was just like assuming that it was because I was so deep into the fast. And then finally, on day 39, I had this huge emotional clearing. And it's so interesting because I have all of these emotional and energetic and, you know, medicinal tools. But because I was at the end of such a challenging physical feat, I was just assuming that all of the sensations that I was feeling were purely physical. Even though, if you guys were listening, probably about 10 minutes ago, I said everything is spiritual, emotional, energetic, and physical, always. And so I had this huge emotional clearing that took until the 39th hourslash day to happen. And as soon as I processed it, I was no longer nauseous. I was no longer depressed. I finally had that like, oh my gosh, tomorrow is like the 40th day I get to eat in two days energy that I thought I was gonna have the whole last five days. And so that was, I mean, it's the most recent. So I want to say it's the hardest, but I also think that was the hardest because I forgot all my tools. I was assuming that it was just physical and I was so close to the end, it's like, I'm physically fine. I'm just really uncomfortable. So obviously I'm still gonna get to the end, but I'm just like barely army crawling through mud. And then when it cleared, I was also like, wow, I'm so silly. Like I could have been doing emotional processing and found this four days ago if I had used any of my tools, but I didn't. And so I think that that end part was definitely like the hardest for a whole host of reasons. Like I was so uncomfortable and forgot all my tools, and then also it was such a big and emotional clearing that it was, it was just a lot. Those were the hardest parts, but now I'm also thinking of just like the taste in my mouth and things like that. You know, like you're such a blessing in the way that you held this process for me. But like I smelled like ketosis, which isn't a good smell.

SPEAKER_02 58:06

Sour.

SPEAKER_00 58:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 58:07

Acetone.

SPEAKER_00 58:08

Yeah. Yeah. It was gross. And like I didn't like the way I smelled my mouth. Tasted bad all the time because basically your body's like constantly pulling the bacteria and the waste to your mouth so that you can like tongue scrape it out of your mouth, but you're also not eating anything. So there's no taste in your mouth other than the bad stuff. And it's just all the time and gross. So that was bad.

SPEAKER_02 58:38

Your skin got really dry too.

SPEAKER_00 58:40

Yeah, that's true.

SPEAKER_02 58:41

There's no, like, you know, you're putting coconut oil, olive oil on your skin, but because there's no internal nourishment, your body couldn't really hold it.

SPEAKER_00 58:50

Yeah. I was basically taking an olive oil bath every day, and my skin would be less dry for maybe like two hours, and then it was just so dry.

SPEAKER_02 59:01

Yeah. And I think we're close to wrapping this conversation up. You know, Socrates said something like, any fool can fast, but it takes a wise man to refeed. And so you're only a few days into the refeeding process, but for any fast, the refeeding is just as important, if not as important, as the fast itself. And so once you've gathered some more experience in this refeeding process, we're going to share another episode about that.

SPEAKER_00 59:34

Yeah, for sure. I will say thus far in the refeeding process, it's been interesting. I thought I was doing good. And then upon further reflection, I've realized I could be doing way better for myself physically, emotionally, and spiritually. And that's the case with any ceremony. You know, it's like you come out of a ceremony or an initiation of sorts, and they tell you that integration is the most important part. You're on the high of the experience that you've had and everything you've learned. And then the high fades out, and you're like, oh, it's actually kind of hard to put all of the lessons that I've learned into my normal life. I feel so blessed that we're in Guatemala for another month so that I can figure this out before going back to like our actual normal life.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:25

But I will say I thought I was doing good for like three days. And then I had to come to Jesus moment, so to speak, and realized that there's some changes I need to make. So once that's a bit more integrated, we're gonna do a part two with, you know, life after the fast and the integration and the refeeding process, because the refeeding process I'm learning is not just about refeeding food, although that is a really important part. And, you know, if you don't do it correctly, it can be like dangerous for your health, but also I think dangerous for like the the sanctity of the medicine of the fast, you know, as far as spirituality and emotions go. So stay tuned to learn how I integrate all of that, I guess.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:13

Yeah. I mean, it's akin to the integration of any ceremony. Yeah, plant medicine is an example that gets used a lot. It's like if you learn in your plant medicine ceremony to be in truth, and then you go home and immediately start lying, like it really dishonors and fractures the sanctity of the container. So, last question for you. If I was to buy a billboard where everybody in the world could see it, and you got to put a message on it. Oh my god, you're fast. What would it be?

SPEAKER_00 1:01:51

When you try to source your life from your own wants and needs, your well will run dry. But when you source your life from spirit and mother earth, the well will never run dry.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:07

Too many words. Well, font size is too small.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:11

We'll make it big.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:12

Yeah. Biggest billboard you've ever seen. Beyond dimensions, beyond imagination.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:20

Yeah. But that is the teaching that I want to double tap and just like really understanding also how much work it took me to even be able to access that teaching. Because there are a lot of people in the world that overserve, but it's from a place of feeling like not enough. And that category of people really needs to learn how to serve themselves and serve others less. Yeah. But I was lucky enough and had been devoted enough to my path for long enough that this teaching was able to come through that, you know, the well of devotion for you never has to run dry. And the well of devotion for the people that we serve never has to run dry because I have a superior source than my own human body.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:15

Yeah. But there's no emptying the tank. There's no such thing as an empty tank when it comes to service. We can always give more as long as we have these personal practices and as long as we hold the hierarchy of spirit, self, other true.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:33

That's right.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:35

Homework. 40-day fast. No, I'm just kidding. Don't try this at home.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:41

Don't try this at home.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:43

Honestly, like doing an unsupervised 40-day fast is not something I'd recommend to anybody.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:49

Agreed. Homework would be to find a way to strengthen your relationship with your word. There's no way that I could have done any of this without deep, deep, deep connection and value for my word. And so whether that is making a singular promise to yourself that you're going to follow through on every day and just using it as a stepping stone to barely start and making it small enough that it's super accessible because you're starting from where I used to start from. Or if you do have a pretty good relationship with your word and you're ready to expand it a little bit and stretch it, do it. You know, like this has truly been like the most powerful milestone I've ever done up to this point, for sure. It's absolutely life and identity changing. And to be able to make your way to a place where you can say, My word is my decree. What I say will happen is something invaluable that no one will ever be able to take from you if you get there.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:06

100%. And publicize your commitment, like share it with a friend or a room full of 40 people and you're feeling bald. One more thing.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:18

I just want to say thank you. I just feel like there's so many things that I can do in life now that you are by my side. And I know that I can do anything, but when I share something with you that's crazy, like I'm gonna do a 40-day water fast. And you're like, if anyone can do it, you can. Then I'm like, okay, for sure. And there is certainly a lot of space that you held for me in many, many ways during this process, and that you held for our relationship because these 40 days weren't really. Even though I was devoted to you in beautiful, unexpected ways, these 40 days weren't really about our relationship. They were about my 40-day water fast. And so I just really appreciate you for who you are and who you are to me. And I love you so much.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:16

I love you. It's an honor to be in support to you at your service. And we have a special gift for you listeners. It's not the kind of gift that you're like, oh, this is so pretty. I like it so much. It's the kind of gift that will change your life. And it's linked in the show notes. It's a free guide that Jessica and I have created called From Closed to Connected. So grab that in the show notes before you go. Leave us a review. And we love you.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:46

We love you.