Don't ask me how I am

This week on Moose on the Loose, Jasmin and Tara tackle one of life’s great mysteries: why people ask “How are you?” when they clearly do not want to know the answer.

From awkward street greetings, to a heated debate about whether it’s ever okay to sleep at your ex’s house when you’ve got a new partner, things quickly spiral in the way they always do.

Jasmin then takes Tara down a rabbit hole with the bizarre true story of the Dancing Plague of 1518, where hundreds of people danced uncontrollably for days and the government’s solution was, somehow, to hire a band.

Along the way, they discuss the best invention of all time (electricity), whether anyone would survive without their phone, Tara’s upcoming True Grit challenge, and why some old movies were wildly inappropriate.

This episode has everything:

• social anxiety
• relationship boundaries
• mass hysteria
• mouldy bread
• David Bowie’s very noticeable pants
• and absolutely no useful life advice

If you’ve ever overthought a two-second interaction or wondered whether history was just one long series of terrible decisions, this episode is for you.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:07

Wherever we go, we can steal and scene. The wildest thing that you've ever seen. On the loose, here comes the star.

SPEAKER_02 0:26

Welcome back to Moose on the Loose, the podcast where we're going to Duff Gardens. Woo-hoo.

SPEAKER_03 0:36

So Matt, and I've been saying this a lot this week. Every time something good happens, it's not as good as it should be for some reason. So we're like happy, but we're also like, oh my god. So it just comes up a lot. Do you remember that episode? They like go into Duff Gardens, but Patty and Selma are taking them and they're like, woo.

SPEAKER_04 0:55

Is that where Lisa gets like smashed on, like gets really sick?

SPEAKER_00 0:59

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 1:00

And Homer breaks down the meatloaf, like the sandwich. That's why their aunts had to take him because he's like he eats a sandwich.

SPEAKER_03 1:08

Oh, is that in that episode? He's got that big sandwich and he's really sick. Yeah, yeah. That sandwich. And he looks so sick in that when he's in bed and he's still trying to reach for the sandwich.

SPEAKER_04 1:17

Homer, are you touching her? Are you eating the ham again? He's like out of the out of the trash.

SPEAKER_03 1:23

Um, yeah, and she she's they're like, give her these and these, and then these. Thank you, Doctor. Oh, I'm not a doctor. Like it's that one. Like, and I were talking about this the other day, like it's such an iconic episode because it was also the episode where the bort skit happens. You know how they're in the the gift shop? We've run out of bort. Yeah, and there's like, um, who's called Bort? Oh, sorry, ma'am, are you talking to me? No, my son is also named Bort. Like everybody's named Bort. Anyway, it doesn't matter. Uh wait again, say it again.

SPEAKER_04 2:01

It is actually a really the one of the funniest episodes of The Simpsons.

SPEAKER_03 2:05

It is, it's one of the best ones. Okay, here we go.

SPEAKER_04 2:09

Yell. Say again. What does Lisa yell when she's like, I am? She says, I am the lizard queen. That's it.

SPEAKER_02 2:19

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 2:26

Showing autistic traits. Okay. Tara, can you tell me if I'm doing an autism when I do this? Um, when people walk past you on the street, there are different options of things that you can say if you don't know them. You might nod, you might say g'day, but some people go, How are you? But they just keep on walking.

SPEAKER_04 2:49

Yes. What are you supposed to say? I yell out, I'm good. How are you?

SPEAKER_03 2:54

You're very quickly supposed to tell them, what if you say I'm bad?

SPEAKER_04 3:00

You never say you're bad.

SPEAKER_03 3:02

Well, that doesn't sound like they really want to know the answer then. Why would you ask?

SPEAKER_04 3:05

I know. That's why I like I try not to ask anymore.

SPEAKER_03 3:10

You try not to ask because it doesn't make any sense, does it? No, it's pointless. Yeah, so am I or not? But what do you do? Oh, I I see the person coming towards me, and I hope immediately that they don't say it. I'm like that guy off love on the spectrum that's like, do you like the minions? Please say yes, please say yes, please say yes. I'm in my head, like going, please don't ask me how I am, please don't ask me how I am. And then they say, How are you? And I go, Good. And then I don't say, How are you? Because what? They're supposed by that time we've passed each other, they're supposed to turn their head back and say it to me. So I am considerate and I don't say it, even though they've been inconsiderate and said it to me. And I just say good. And I know that I can't say bad, but I also feel like sometimes I'm not good, and then that reminds me, no, you're not, you're bad. They make me sad when they walk past me.

SPEAKER_04 4:09

Well, I try and make a joke, so I'll be like, Oh, you don't want to know the truth. Or someone Jesus Christ.

SPEAKER_03 4:18

What if it's like an old lady and she's 90 and she's shuffling along? Like, would you say that to anyone?

SPEAKER_04 4:25

Well, I say it with a cheeky smile, so then they go, Oh, you, and then like it's a quick, like, little like, you know, like and a you know, quick joke smile, get away. Oh my god, how exhausting. I just dodge everyone.

SPEAKER_03 4:41

So this is what I mean. Can we just make a rule where we say g'day or we nod? Those are the only two acceptable responses. We start ruling out this how are you bullshit.

SPEAKER_04 4:49

And stop asking how's the weather.

SPEAKER_03 4:52

Oh, do you know how many times I've fallen back lately on the weather conversation because someone's just given me absolutely nothing? Nothing. Like, and sometimes they don't even answer me. They just look at me like, Why are you talking to me? I'm like, I think we were near each other. I thought I had to acknowledge the moment.

SPEAKER_04 5:08

See, that seems like an object.

SPEAKER_03 5:11

Yeah, I was at a school the other day. I was in the front office, and this other person had also just walked in. It was a tiny little hallway, and I was like, Oh, this weather, hey, she just didn't answer. Then anyway. Um, okay. Uh are we both autistic, or is it just me or am I worse than other people?

SPEAKER_04 5:36

Yes. I honestly wouldn't know anything about autism. I just know everyone's got it. But I honestly I don't know what it is. But I am I'm thinking that if everyone's got it, then there's a few traits that I probably have myself.

SPEAKER_03 5:50

But um, yeah, I'm you just find like social situations awkward. So are other people that awkward or they just move on with their day? Like they say good and they move on and they never think about it again.

SPEAKER_04 6:00

Well, I don't know, because I just assume it's awkward for it, like it's always awkward.

SPEAKER_03 6:04

So why are we all doing it? We should start teaching people a lesson by saying, My husband just died. I'm very, very bad. And then that person will never ever ask that question again. But you are tempting fate, your husband might die. So you've got like, how badly do you want this to stop?

SPEAKER_04 6:21

Are you willing to risk it? So it's fine, it's fine.

SPEAKER_03 6:26

All right, in that case, uh, let's find out if I'm a moose hole or not. I don't think I am.

SPEAKER_01 6:41

I'm not a muster. Tell me my deal.

SPEAKER_03 6:50

So I just I think it's funny that I had Suno make that stinger for me. And it just will make a stinger with any lyrics, and it it's never once goes, was that a spelling mistake, Jasmine? Did you mean to say moose hole? It just goes, yes, ma'am, and it makes me a stinger that says, Am I the moose hole? Just ask questions. I love it, it makes my life better. Okay. Is staying at your ex's house okay when you visit your kids while you have a girlfriend? Surely's time spent awake is the priority, and if everyone's asleep, who's to actually say who's asleep and who's not? Kid or not, no sleepovers, especially when a new partner is involved. Am I wrong?

SPEAKER_04 7:41

Uh it's a touchy one. It's a touchy one. Tell him why. Well, depending on the relationship, like if they're honestly just friends or whatever, and there's no tension there, then I don't know, I don't see the issue, but then I would like to meet the partner and know that there's no chemistry going on. And if it's purely for the kids, then why not? But if there's or they are talking about previous past history and cannot get over that kind of stuff, then no, I'm not okay with it because they're obviously still clinging on to a relationship that is like, I don't know, a confusing one.

SPEAKER_03 8:25

Okay, so what if they are completely amicable, but the girlfriend just the new girlfriend says, Look, I don't like it. Makes me uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_04 8:36

If it's a new girlfriend, it's she well, it's kind of a red flag because I think everyone plays pretend for the first three months like they do in jobs. Like, don't pull out the crazy I don't like it card. Like you've got to assess it.

SPEAKER_03 8:50

Is that just a healthy boundary where she doesn't want to open up that um question of having to wonder or feel yucky that what is happening over there? They're people that have had sex in the past.

SPEAKER_04 9:04

It depends how long have they been separated for? Does the wife have a new partner? All that kind of stuff needs to be.

SPEAKER_03 9:11

Wife doesn't have a new partner, it's been a year.

SPEAKER_04 9:14

What they've been divorced for a year.

SPEAKER_03 9:15

Been divorced for a year.

SPEAKER_04 9:17

Yeah, nah, I don't think I'd be okay with that.

SPEAKER_03 9:19

Right, it's just gross. It's just not nice to put your new girlfriend in the position of having to wonder what you're up to over there, even if you're very trustworthy and you've done nothing wrong, it's kind of a disrespectful thing to do. Um, because anyone is going to feel yeah, jealous, I suppose, concerned.

SPEAKER_04 9:41

Well spreading, because like if they've known each other for so long, they're so friends, still watch breakup.

SPEAKER_03 9:46

You're not in family anymore. Like, what, like yeah, and then but then I said to Matt, what if they live six hours away and you have to catch a train and you don't have any money for uh you know a place to stay on his house at my house, which know each other. Um so I he's yeah, he basically said, Yeah, no sleepovers. Um and I I agree. I just think yeah, I just can't even I reckon a new girlfriend would be like, yeah, I'm fine with that, but inside I don't think she'd be fine with that. I think she'd be lying.

SPEAKER_04 10:30

I I don't think I would be okay with it, and I think I would be lying, and I'd definitely be like, Oh, I'm totally fine with that.

SPEAKER_03 10:38

I can't be a burden, can I? I can't have needs, I can't have boundaries, I can't communicate healthfully how I feel about things so that we can know where each other stands. No, well, you've got to lock it in, and then when it's locked in, I have any needs until you're all locked in, and then change up the game and be like, actually, I do have needs.

unknown 10:59

Trick chat.

SPEAKER_04 11:01

Personality number 10.

SPEAKER_03 11:03

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, good. Well, I think yeah, we you agree with me in the end, but at first you were like, maybe. I'm like, ah, crazy bitch. Okay, ready?

SPEAKER_04 11:15

This actually happened.

SPEAKER_03 11:17

I I there's a crazy fucking thing that happened. ChatGPT spit out a like, I think a thing that it probably uses all the time as you know, gives you that list of 10 things like the Emmy War. But one of these things I I don't think I'd really heard of it, and I was actually like intrigued immediately. The dancing plague of 1518. Oh god, did you see this?

SPEAKER_04 11:38

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was actually interesting because I wonder if it is actually real. Yeah, like exaggerated.

SPEAKER_03 11:48

So can I tell the listeners what I gleaned from what I read?

SPEAKER_04 11:54

Proceed.

SPEAKER_03 11:55

Oh my god, I've been down a rabbit hole. Uh, you were like, I'm straightening my hair, I'm like gonna be a little bit what later to the podcast, and I'm just like, I'm fine, man. I'm sitting there reading the dance and playing 1518.

SPEAKER_04 12:07

I've got some at 58.

SPEAKER_03 12:11

Sorry, say again. Wasn't it 1758? Well, fuck, come on, chat GPT. What the fuck? Look, I don't know, but I did look it up on Wikipedia. I got off chat and just looked it up on Wikipedia to read about it. So I feel like it's 1518 and chat's just a fucking idiot.

SPEAKER_04 12:28

Okay, so I feel like I need to look this up.

SPEAKER_03 12:31

Yeah, yeah, look it up. Great, you can be the fact checker. So picture this 1518. It's Strasbourg. There's no Wi-Fi, there's no antibiotics, there's no air conditioning. Um, if your bread had mold on it, you had to fucking eat it because that's all you had, right? So it's tough, right? And then one day this woman, and her name's like Frau Trophia is how I'm gonna say it. Trophy, Trophy, walks into the street and just starts dancing. And it's not like the girl's night, I'm dancing, I'm dancing, like full blown, sweating, twitching, cannot stop dancing, like she's you know, speaking in tongues and things. And everyone's like, hmm, well, that's weird. And then instead of stopping after a few minutes, she keeps going, and then she goes on for hours, then she goes on for days, then it's been a week, which I I think you'd die. It says she danced straight for a week, but I'm like, you die. I don't think they barely believe that. But um what then happens, because you can kind of go, yeah, crazy person, whatever, other people start joining in. So I suppose like if it's 1518 and you see somebody dancing in the street, you don't go, let's call a doctor, you go, don't mind if I do. And then like you just start, and then there's 10 people, and then there's 30, and then there's over a hundred. And then what it says is that at the height of it, hundreds, hundreds of people were dancing until they collapsed from exhaustion, which would have taken five minutes for me. So respect to this woman who's lasted a week, right? Um, they believe some may have died from heart attacks, strokes, or just I don't know, fucking, I cannot fucking do this anymore. Death, you know. Like, you know, like when that meme that says Yoda got so question so sick of answering Luke's questions and he just fucking died. It makes me think of that. Anyway, so then the authorities are like, what can we do about this? Let's talk to the experts. And the experts are like, I think maybe there's like not enough dancing. Okay, if we help them to dance more, that might be better. And so they built a stage and they hired musicians and they paid people to keep these dances dancing. And so in my mind, I'm like, isn't that like seeing someone with food poisoning and being like, quick, get them a buffet and put fucking rat poisoning on it? Like, give them more, you know. And then I'm just thinking, you know, imagine being a drummer and the drummer's like, what are we doing tonight? Well, there's a people of a group of people dancing themselves to death. You gotta keep the beef for them. It's such a weird dog that they've been hired for. And then someone's like, Oh, look, hear me out here. Less dancing. What do you think? And so they're like, we can try it. Don't sound stupid to me. But they take it says the afflicted, but I'm thinking what hundreds of people they did this to, they take them to a shrine dedicated to Saint Vitus. Vitus, I don't know how to say that. I assume that is the patron saint associated with neurological disorders. And people were given red shoes and they performed these religious rituals, and then slowly people stopped dancing. So we have theories about what happened, but we don't know exactly what. Um would you like to hear the theories? Ah, go ahead. Bad luck. If you said no, I'd be like, I'm saying them anyway. So mass psychogenic illness. So that means stress spreading socially. Everyone's so stressed out that they just start dancing hysterically and can't stop, or religious hysteria. Or, and this is so weird because Matt just brought this up tonight as well. Um, ergot poisoning from moldy rye, which is like getting high from eating this like rye, this mold that's on your sandwich. Um, which is funny because we were just talking about the Salem witch trials and how there's a theory that in in that season, that year, there was like a late frost and it caused some of the crops to grow mold on them, and that might have been what caused people to start going, which, witch, my neighbor's a witch, and all this stuff. And then so it's the same sort of theory here that's caused this uncontrollable dancing. But the historians, what they've kind of, if they had to pick, they said stress-induced mass psychological event. Stress-induced. And I'm just fucking day, I'm gonna start dancing now. Any day. Any fucking day.

SPEAKER_04 17:18

I think it's like FOMO. I think people like they were like, I wonder how many people we can get doing this, and then like people were like, Oh, uh, this is what we're doing. Because they do like people follow crowds, so one yeah.

SPEAKER_03 17:34

I think it was just a flash mob that we're looking back at history and interpreting it and being like, Well, it must have been something sinister. But they were literally there, like, we've organized this flash mob, it's for the Queen's birthday, we're having the best time ever. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_04 17:53

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 17:56

Oh my god, imagine that you're so fucking stressed that you start dancing in the street and the government hires you a fucking band to keep dancing, like it doesn't make any sense.

SPEAKER_02 18:07

All right, have you got any comments?

SPEAKER_04 18:10

Nah, not really.

SPEAKER_03 18:14

Yeah, fair enough. It's I think I said it all. It's pretty wild. Um, can I do like a little side note? This has nothing to do with anything. I didn't make a stinger of it. Carol says to me tonight, hey mum, best invention ever, electricity, don't you reckon? I'm like, oh my god, it it fucking it is. It is. And I was just like so, and I was thinking about the things I'm like that I use. I'm just like, what, like air cons, heaters, Wi-Fi, fridges, dryers, washing machines, my car. I think I'm pretty much to blame for the energy crisis at this point. Um, I have watched Outlander, it doesn't change my mind. If I was born back then, I would go and find a time machine and come to this time now with electricity.

SPEAKER_04 19:05

Yeah, I don't think you realise how much you take it. Like even not ever having your phone and you walk away, you're like, I'll just check my phone. Oh, I don't, I can't. I'm used.

SPEAKER_03 19:16

Yes, I'm fully taking my 13-year-old's phone off her, but I can fully imagine that I would have the same reaction as her if someone took mine off of me.

SPEAKER_04 19:28

Oh, the worst. I remember when my phone broke and I had to use a real old school one that but it was actually freeing because I could I couldn't go on Facebook and I couldn't do all that stuff, so I just didn't, and I slowly forgot about it, and it was relaxing.

SPEAKER_03 19:42

Yeah, I'm thinking about getting a dumb phone for the house. Just leave my smartphone at work and just use it there with all of the ping ping ping ping ping of the work emails. Okay. Uh fuck, did I have something else? Is that everything? Did I just did I just burn through everything in 20 minutes?

SPEAKER_04 20:04

Is it within 20 minutes?

SPEAKER_03 20:06

Yeah, it's only been 20 minutes. And I talked about how I'm an autistic freak. I talked about Am I the Moosehole? I talked about the drunken dancing place. People are getting banged for their buck with this podcast.

SPEAKER_04 20:20

I talked about ever. Pay us awesome.

SPEAKER_03 20:24

Say again.

SPEAKER_04 20:25

I said they need to pay us for being awesome.

SPEAKER_03 20:28

I would like to get paid for being awesome. That is my goal in life. Get paid to do not much. Yeah, so bang for their buck. Um and actually, did you know that there are people like listening from all over the world?

SPEAKER_04 20:45

Really?

SPEAKER_03 20:45

Yeah, and they've got a nice uh little short one this time to listen to. There's someone from Asia, there's some people in Europe, there's heaps of people in North America, there's a lot from Australia, obviously, where we are. There's um Did you say get A, mate? Don't break any stereotypes, will ya?

SPEAKER_04 21:12

What are you talking about, mate? Yeah, this is your opportunity to show we are more than just America's listening.

SPEAKER_03 21:19

Uh it actually tells you like the cities. So shout out to Ashburn in Virginia, Brisbane, Queensland, Melbourne, Victoria. Um whereabouts is what about the Asian country? Nagasaki. Hello, Nagasaki. How are you? Victoria, British Columbia, Vancouver, British Columbia. Portland, Oregon.

unknown 21:46

How about that?

SPEAKER_04 21:48

I'm curious to know how they stumble across the podcast.

SPEAKER_03 21:52

Well, Matt would have shared it on a A Thousand One Songs That Make You Wanna Die, and he's got a massive fan base, so they would have had a crack. So anyway. If you like it, feel free to share it with your mates and they can tune into this riveting chat that they're experiencing right now. So have you got coming anything coming up in the next couple of weeks, my friend, before we log off?

SPEAKER_04 22:16

Um I've never actually the um true grit. That's the um tough mother, uh tough mudder challenge.

SPEAKER_03 22:24

Oh yeah. Well you get people to abuse you, you sick fuck.

SPEAKER_04 22:27

Yeah, I know. And it's really frustrating because I've got like I thought I was doing it for fun, it's all gonna be fun. But Josh and my uncle, they're like, let's train. We're training two days a week. We need to do 15 K's each K. We're doing 20 push-ups. I'm like, what the fuck? Like, this is supposed to be fucking fun. It's already taken the fun out of it.

SPEAKER_03 22:49

You don't think it'll be more fun if you can get through it without shocking your body because it's the first time you've exercised in a while?

SPEAKER_04 22:56

Well, I do nettle and squash now, so I'm quite fit.

SPEAKER_03 22:59

Yeah, right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 23:00

I'm fit as fuck, bro.

SPEAKER_03 23:02

Yeah, I believe you, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sport's like way harder than the gym. I go to the gym, I'm like, oh, look at me. Aren't I so good for going to the gym? I play soccer, I'm like, I'm going to die. I might fucking die. Sub suck.

SPEAKER_04 23:16

Well, it's the same as netball. They pull me as goal shooter. As soon as they pull me as anything else, I'm like, nah, I can't do it. Too much. Yeah, I've played center.

SPEAKER_03 23:23

It's terrible.

SPEAKER_04 23:24

Horrible position.

SPEAKER_03 23:26

Respect to all centers out there.

SPEAKER_04 23:28

Um, I used to fight for that position too when I was young and full of air in my lungs.

SPEAKER_03 23:33

I know, we used to be young. That was amazing. I really enjoyed that. Um, okay, so you're doing the tough book challenge. Oh fuck, what was I just gonna say to you? All right, what else are you doing? Anything?

SPEAKER_04 23:45

Other than the, but that's got like I've got six weeks to train on that one. We've got netball and our squash competition, and we are coming. We need to win the next game, and we'll actually um be in the semi-finals.

SPEAKER_03 23:58

Oh my god, I'll come watch you.

SPEAKER_04 24:00

You should.

unknown 24:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 24:02

I play like 80-year-olds.

SPEAKER_03 24:05

Um, actually, Tara, you came up with a good idea tonight, which was I know I was a bit off talking about movies about who's a villain and that, but you were like, what about inappropriate movies? I'm like, fuck yeah, there were some inappropriate movies. Hey, I was saying there's that one about this kid who gets a million dollars and um he's spends it all. Uh, but and during that process, there's like a detective and he falls in love with her, this like adult woman. And because she helps him, I think, solve the case sort of thing, she rewards him by kissing him on his eight-year-old mouth sexually. Like that's a movie that you can just watch, like it's fine. If that had been a dude kissing a kid, even back then, it would not have been allowed. Yeah, kissing a kid, I think kissing a girl. Probably just a dude.

SPEAKER_04 24:56

Like Shirley Temple's like a five-year-old, well, I don't know how old she is, but she's dancing around with sailors around her. And I know it's not sex, like it's not sexual, but it's I don't know, it's quite flirtatious for a young little girl to be dancing and I don't know, touching them on the face and stuff like that.

SPEAKER_03 25:16

Um okay, this is a thing. I've just looked it up. Yeah, yeah, they sexualized her. Ew.

SPEAKER_04 25:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 25:28

Gross, gross, gross, gross, gross, gross, gross. Now that makes me think that this topping could get this topic could get quite depressing. So we might leave the pedophile stuff out of it. I think your suggestion of like the the labyrinth where they're just doing close-ups of his like the spandex stretched over his dick.

SPEAKER_04 25:46

Every scene. Let's do a Muppet next to David Bowie's dick, and that's what they do.

SPEAKER_03 25:53

Yeah, so I'm gonna I'm gonna rustle up some good ones. I think that's great. I'm interested to explore that further. Please don't anyone make the mistake of thinking that this podcast has substance. It does not. Do not put pressure on me to talk about anything that matters. Thank you. Uh, all right, well, we're all good.

SPEAKER_04 26:11

Yeah, yeah. I'm looking forward to next week in the uh weird movie that is inappropriate.

SPEAKER_03 26:16

And we'll see how uh movie things I've done lately.

SPEAKER_04 26:20

What?

SPEAKER_03 26:22

Yeah, no, you say, what did you say?

SPEAKER_04 26:23

Um, are we gonna pick a movie now or are we just gonna wait till next week?

SPEAKER_03 26:27

Oh no, nah, nah. I'm gonna I'm gonna let me have a think about it. I'm gonna rustle up a list. Um, yeah, and then we'll see if I've done any other autistic things between now. Then I'm gonna think about things that I do and be like, hmm, do other people do this?

SPEAKER_04 26:43

I will do the same.

SPEAKER_03 26:44

You have the plan, okay.

SPEAKER_01 26:46

Summer loose, here comes a star.