Beef Tartare? Sure. Your Cooking? HARD PASS

FOLLOW US ON SOCIALS HERE----> https://linktr.ee/Justtalkingunfiltered

0:00

Cold Open And Chaotic Welcome

1:05

Hot Dog Chaos And Video Roast

5:40

Cookouts, Neighborhood Tension, And Street Stories

10:55

Tech Meltdown And Cop Caller Confession

18:20

Cats, Demons, And Apartment Life

24:50

Bird Helmets, Barstools, And Internet Stunts

31:40

Toddlers, Hockey Costs, And Disney Memories

37:15

Grief, Hibachi After A Death, And Bud Light History

44:00

Stadium Misadventures And Airport “Investigation”

50:20

Gas Station Red Flags And Street Smarts

56:45

Family Rifts, Siblings, And Roots

1:04:10

Showers Of Seltzer, CPAP, And Sleep Fails

1:10:05

Weddings, Speeches, And Don’t Fall Asleep

1:16:00

Mold, Moving, And Cat Politics

1:21:30

Holy Water, Haunted Chairs, And Wrap-Up

Transcript

Cold Open And Chaotic Welcome

SPEAKER_00 0:10

Yo, it's Winston the unfiltered crew. Fat beaded legends with opinions for you. Exercise laps, no filter, no cap, or drink, take a seat. We just talkin' rap. Winston in the corner with the whiskey in his fist, running yelling loud. Every time I get this dissed, beard so thick, they can smuggle the brisket. Voices boomin' harder than the twelve hits of a kid. Grab your low star. We ain't polite. Welcome to the show. It's a bar fight tonight. Just talking up, still to no rules, no shame. Two fat boys taking over the game. Texas heat, Texas beats, grab a mic and ignite. It's whiskey and fine, keep it raw, keep it tight. Just talking up, still to no rules, no shame. Two fat boys taking over the game. Texas heat, Texas beats, grab a mic and ignite. It's wins in the fine, keep it raw, keep it tight.

unknown 0:58

Brian got the volume of a male.

SPEAKER_02 1:00

Alright, Hannah.

SPEAKER_06 1:01

Well, I'm not Brian.

Hot Dog Chaos And Video Roast

SPEAKER_02 1:04

That's right, you're not Brian. We'd be lying if you were saying you were Brian.

SPEAKER_06 1:07

I think I'm a regular size lady.

SPEAKER_02 1:09

Yeah, regular size. Um welcome to your very first episode of Just Talking Unfiltered.

SPEAKER_06 1:16

I'm here against my will.

SPEAKER_02 1:17

How are you feeling?

SPEAKER_06 1:18

Like I'm in a hostage situation.

SPEAKER_02 1:20

That's great. Call me Stockholm. Or would that be you, Stockholm?

SPEAKER_06 1:26

I don't think you're using that correctly.

SPEAKER_02 1:28

You're right. Probably not. Um. How you been?

SPEAKER_06 1:34

I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 1:35

I love this so much already.

SPEAKER_06 1:38

I've been regular, I suppose.

SPEAKER_02 1:41

Hannah, you like wieners?

SPEAKER_06 1:44

No.

SPEAKER_02 1:45

Alright, well, I want you to watch this.

SPEAKER_10 1:47

What up, guys? We're here to do the hot dog challenge. Absolutely. We're about to do it. Is this filmed in your bedroom? It was not. Let's see how it goes. And uh yeah. Right?

SPEAKER_11 2:01

That's right. Hey, even with the hat talk.

SPEAKER_02 2:05

That was a sick hat flip. I don't know if you caught that or not.

SPEAKER_06 2:09

I think it probably could have been better.

SPEAKER_05 2:12

The cheese?

SPEAKER_06 2:13

Maybe a little unnecessary.

SPEAKER_02 2:15

I don't think so. I think it had to be done for the aura.

SPEAKER_11 2:20

Oh my god. Oh Jesus. That looks good, right, guys?

SPEAKER_02 2:25

I think it looks pretty good. Do you think it looks good, Hannah?

SPEAKER_06 2:29

Absolutely not.

SPEAKER_02 2:30

So I don't like the way that they're constructing this.

SPEAKER_06 2:33

I don't like that we're sitting on a bed and we just keep it.

SPEAKER_02 2:37

It might be all they have. It might be all they have, and that's kind of judgmental.

SPEAKER_06 2:43

You're telling me that all they have is one room with a bed. That's it.

SPEAKER_02 2:47

I used to have that.

SPEAKER_06 2:49

No, no, you have a studio kitchen.

unknown 2:52

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:53

Okay, so maybe they don't have a kitchen table.

SPEAKER_06 2:58

Absolutely not.

SPEAKER_11 2:59

Perfect. There we go.

SPEAKER_02 3:20

So this guy reminds me of one of my uh old friends that looks good, right? Died of an overdose in Carolina.

SPEAKER_11 3:28

Yeah, you have to try it.

SPEAKER_06 3:32

Okay, but now there's sour cream on the bed.

SPEAKER_02 3:34

That's for later.

SPEAKER_10 3:35

Nice. It shouldn't be.

SPEAKER_02 3:37

That's for later.

SPEAKER_10 3:38

Right, guys.

SPEAKER_06 3:40

He just tossed in the open job.

SPEAKER_10 3:43

You gotta come show you what it looks like.

SPEAKER_06 3:45

You don't have we can see it.

SPEAKER_10 3:48

Oh boy.

SPEAKER_11 3:50

Look at this.

SPEAKER_02 3:50

Now it's on the floor.

SPEAKER_11 3:55

All right.

SPEAKER_02 3:56

It looks like she has sour cream on her eyes.

SPEAKER_11 3:59

I don't like any of this. Oh boy.

SPEAKER_02 4:08

So going back to Wieners, right? Um, how I don't like the way they did this. I would have done a completely different mafia.

SPEAKER_11 4:24

So where's it gone?

SPEAKER_06 4:25

It's my first time here, and this is what you choose to find.

SPEAKER_02 4:28

Yeah, this is the uh opening clip. But see, I would I would have done it completely different. I would have done like the sauce on the bottom, a little bit of cheese, sour cream, and the chili, and then put the dog on top.

SPEAKER_11 4:44

Gotta try it.

SPEAKER_02 4:45

Then the peppers, and then I would have crushed up those Cheetos.

SPEAKER_11 4:51

I give you this.

SPEAKER_06 4:52

I wouldn't do this at all.

SPEAKER_02 4:55

But if you had to, no.

SPEAKER_06 4:57

There is no situation in my life that would work.

SPEAKER_02 5:00

If you were to do that, if you were just making it.

SPEAKER_06 5:03

I wouldn't make it.

SPEAKER_02 5:04

If if if if Brian was like, listen here, this is what I want for dinner.

SPEAKER_06 5:09

Then he can make it himself.

SPEAKER_02 5:10

And you're gonna make it for me, then that's fun. That's fun. Um, let's see. Got some others for you.

SPEAKER_06 5:21

You better.

SPEAKER_02 5:23

I've got some others for you. Hang on.

SPEAKER_06 5:26

All that did was make me feel really icky towards all of the things that were in that video.

SPEAKER_02 5:33

Do you like hot dogs with barbecue on them?

Cookouts, Neighborhood Tension, And Street Stories

SPEAKER_06 5:37

Like barbecue sauce. They like pulled both. I don't think I've ever done that.

SPEAKER_02 5:46

Well, down the street, there's a place called Doug's Hot Dogs, and they've got they've got one.

SPEAKER_06 5:50

No, I know that Doug's is there, but I've never been to Doug's.

SPEAKER_02 5:54

Yeah, Doug's has got a great barbecue.

SPEAKER_06 5:58

I'm gonna be honest, I don't go out of my way looking for a hot dog.

SPEAKER_02 6:01

I don't either, but when I want a hot dog, I go to Doug's.

SPEAKER_06 6:04

No, I'll normally just wait for like a cookout.

SPEAKER_02 6:07

See, those only those only come a couple times a year.

SPEAKER_06 6:10

Well, you know, you can have a cookout however many times you want.

SPEAKER_02 6:13

I'm not doing that here.

SPEAKER_06 6:15

Well, that's like a personal problem for you.

SPEAKER_02 6:17

You're right. It is a personal problem. I should have a backyard.

SPEAKER_06 6:21

You don't necessarily have to have a backyard. You could cook fucking hot dogs in. That's not a cookout, that's a cook in. He's still cooking.

SPEAKER_02 6:29

Uh listen. I have all of the all of the crackheads in the neighborhood coming up and trying to get dogs off me.

unknown 6:39

Oh well.

SPEAKER_06 6:40

They might start fighting. They were about to fight that one night when you just left us locked outside.

SPEAKER_02 6:46

Okay, I didn't leave y'all.

SPEAKER_06 6:48

Y'all, you did. You did leave us.

SPEAKER_02 6:49

I was gone for like four minutes.

SPEAKER_06 6:52

And a lot can happen in four minutes, and it did.

SPEAKER_02 6:56

A guy asked you guys for money, and I got asked for money at the 7-Eleven.

SPEAKER_06 7:02

So they didn't ask us for money. That's not what happened. They were like about to fight this lady because she wanted a cigarette.

SPEAKER_02 7:10

Well, maybe they shouldn't be giving her cigarettes or you know, they're not they didn't.

SPEAKER_06 7:14

That was like the whole premise of it. She wanted one. And they didn't want to entertain her.

SPEAKER_02 7:23

Why the fuck is this doing this?

SPEAKER_06 7:28

I don't know, but someone just screamed in my ears, so you brought me here for technical difficulties.

SPEAKER_02 7:36

I 100% did. Thank you. It's one of our favorite things that happens here.

SPEAKER_06 7:41

Sounds pretty accurate, actually.

SPEAKER_02 7:43

I can't get this fucking thing to work, so that's great. Yeah, well, sometimes technology is a bitch. It's like my exes.

SPEAKER_06 7:56

Well, you chose all those people.

SPEAKER_02 7:58

I didn't choose them. They chose me.

SPEAKER_06 8:01

And you chose to stay.

SPEAKER_02 8:03

And I chose to stick around and to uh you know see what happens.

SPEAKER_06 8:10

How'd that go?

SPEAKER_02 8:12

Um went pretty well, Hannah.

SPEAKER_06 8:15

No, which which time went well. Please tell me.

SPEAKER_02 8:17

Every time went well.

SPEAKER_06 8:19

Happy end.

SPEAKER_02 8:20

I'm still friends with all of them. Yes. Um really. Yeah. Uh in fact, every now and then, uh about once a year, I get all of my exes and I take them all out to dinner at the same time. And we all just kind of catch up.

SPEAKER_06 8:35

Mm-hmm. I think you should start doing like a monthly newsletter.

SPEAKER_02 8:39

A monthly newsletter?

SPEAKER_06 8:40

So that we can all be informed of how all of your exes are doing and how they feel about you.

SPEAKER_02 8:45

Well it might just be an annual.

SPEAKER_06 8:48

No, make it monthly. No, exactly since you guys are such good friends.

SPEAKER_02 8:52

No.

SPEAKER_06 8:53

And they're all doing so well.

SPEAKER_02 8:55

Yeah, you know, um, they're all doing better, you know. So uh, you know. Um, fuck. Beer drawer. Um feels like a problem. It's not a problem, it's a podcast thing. And I hate that I can't get this fucking video to pull up.

SPEAKER_06 9:22

I love that we just have your blank TV screen in the back.

SPEAKER_02 9:27

I know.

SPEAKER_06 9:28

It's really just a vibe, I suppose.

SPEAKER_02 9:31

Can I share it to my TV? No.

SPEAKER_06 9:34

Is your TV even still on?

SPEAKER_02 9:36

Yeah, it's on. Let me stop mirroring. Okay. I'm gonna go back in here to the mirror.

SPEAKER_06 9:45

Now they all know that this is your living room TV.

SPEAKER_02 9:48

That's right, everybody. This is my living room. The camera's in the kitchen. And we're doing what the fuck we can here.

SPEAKER_09 10:02

Woohoo.

SPEAKER_06 10:05

A podcast.

SPEAKER_02 10:07

You can make a podcast anywhere, Hannah.

SPEAKER_06 10:09

This is what dreams are made of.

SPEAKER_02 10:14

Nothing's even mirrored anymore. It's supposed to like at least pull up my phone and like.

SPEAKER_06 10:23

So you broke it.

SPEAKER_02 10:24

Oh. What the fuck happened now?

SPEAKER_06 10:28

This is really cool.

SPEAKER_02 10:30

I'm about ready for a piss break already.

SPEAKER_06 10:33

Maybe you could just call it what it is. I'll pause to try to figure out the technical difficulties.

SPEAKER_02 10:40

Uh we'll we'll we'll see if it catches up. Maybe it's just uh going a little slow. It might be my internet's not connected to the internet or something.

SPEAKER_06 10:48

Um would you like to call somebody about that?

Tech Meltdown And Cop Caller Confession

SPEAKER_02 10:52

Uh no, I don't feel like talking to cocks. Never do. Um debatable. My ex does.

SPEAKER_06 11:01

Which one?

SPEAKER_02 11:02

All of them.

SPEAKER_06 11:04

I thought you guys were friends. You sound a little bit more. That doesn't mean that's a default.

SPEAKER_02 11:09

You sound a little hurt.

unknown 11:11

No. No.

SPEAKER_06 11:12

Like you were abandoned almost.

SPEAKER_02 11:14

No, no. My birth mother abandoned me, but she's dead now. Right. Yep. Rip 'em. Um, you know. Uh how how have you been, Hannah?

SPEAKER_06 11:27

I mean, you asked me earlier and I said pretty regular, so I don't think that's really changing.

SPEAKER_02 11:33

I was trying to I was trying to get into your hospital visit.

SPEAKER_06 11:37

I don't know. I went. Then I went home.

SPEAKER_02 11:41

Oh yeah. How many times do you think you go to the hospital per year?

SPEAKER_06 11:46

Um annually. I don't know. Three or four.

SPEAKER_02 11:50

Three or four, so that that's at least quarterly.

SPEAKER_06 11:53

Yeah. Um I feel like it's pretty regular. I mean, normally if I think that something's wrong, I get it looked at unlike you guys. You're just kind of bums. You're like, I'll just die on my couch or something.

SPEAKER_02 12:05

No, I I die every time I close my eyes.

SPEAKER_06 12:07

Oh, we know. We know. Yesterday I was Sometimes you die with your eyes open.

SPEAKER_02 12:15

Yeah, that happens. Yeah. I'm always on the lookout.

SPEAKER_06 12:18

No, you're not. I'm always Winston. You tried to jump out of the moving truck because you thought we were stopped at 70 miles per hour.

SPEAKER_02 12:26

I don't think that happened.

SPEAKER_06 12:27

It did happen. We were there.

SPEAKER_02 12:28

That didn't happen.

SPEAKER_06 12:29

I have witnesses. One of them is your co-host.

SPEAKER_02 12:35

I think that uh I was trying to play a silly little joke on you guys.

SPEAKER_06 12:40

You weren't. You were not.

SPEAKER_02 12:42

It was just a silly, a silly goose moment.

SPEAKER_06 12:45

No.

SPEAKER_02 12:46

All right.

SPEAKER_06 12:47

No. You were like blackout drunk. There was nothing silly goose about it. You're just wasted.

SPEAKER_02 12:55

Yeah, no, I was extremely fucking wasted. Um we know.

SPEAKER_06 13:00

We saw.

SPEAKER_02 13:01

I'm glad I put on a leave chip for work and didn't have to go to work the next day.

SPEAKER_06 13:07

You could have just come and like hung out with us.

SPEAKER_02 13:10

I didn't know you didn't.

SPEAKER_06 13:11

You didn't have to do that to yourself.

SPEAKER_02 13:12

I didn't know you guys were gonna be gone that long.

SPEAKER_06 13:15

We literally said we're gonna sit down and eat.

SPEAKER_02 13:17

Yeah, um, and then I got to see him where you guys were, and I was like, yeah, I'm not walking.

SPEAKER_06 13:22

It was less than a five-minute walk.

SPEAKER_02 13:24

That's five minutes too many.

SPEAKER_06 13:27

I said less than.

SPEAKER_02 13:28

Yeah, that's more than enough. That'll less enough.

SPEAKER_06 13:33

That's the North Carolina education program.

SPEAKER_02 13:37

The old North Carolina education system is great.

SPEAKER_06 13:41

Um I don't think so.

SPEAKER_02 13:43

Do you remember uh the DARE program?

SPEAKER_06 13:45

I love DARE.

SPEAKER_02 13:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 13:47

I love the merch.

SPEAKER_02 13:48

Yeah, the merch is great. Um, didn't work out for a lot of people in my graduating class.

SPEAKER_06 13:53

Oh, I don't think it worked for most people.

SPEAKER_02 13:55

Yeah. There's been a lot of fucking drug and alcohol deaths in my class alone.

SPEAKER_06 14:03

I think that's everywhere. It's kind of an epidemic.

SPEAKER_02 14:07

I saw something.

SPEAKER_06 14:08

There's literally a thing called the war on drugs.

SPEAKER_02 14:10

Yeah, I think that was just a s a scheme made up by what was it, Nixon or was it Reagan?

SPEAKER_06 14:16

I didn't say they were handling it well.

SPEAKER_02 14:18

Reagan.

SPEAKER_06 14:18

But it is a thing.

SPEAKER_02 14:20

Right.

SPEAKER_06 14:21

Drugs aren't just in North Carolina, Winston. It's okay.

SPEAKER_02 14:24

No, yeah, no, they're in South Carolina too.

SPEAKER_06 14:26

Possibly possible, possibly Virginia as well. Oh, possibly. You live in the middle of a drug epidemic. No one likes your neighborhood when the sun starts going down. Or when it's up half the time.

SPEAKER_03 14:41

When the sun goes down.

SPEAKER_06 14:43

You don't have to, it's okay.

SPEAKER_03 14:44

We'll be smoking when the sun goes down. Feeling all right.

SPEAKER_02 14:51

So a few weeks ago, I was editing a podcast in my office, which is on the other side of this wall right here.

SPEAKER_06 14:59

Um editing a podcast. Your podcast, you mean?

SPEAKER_02 15:03

Yeah, an episode of the podcast.

SPEAKER_06 15:10

Right.

SPEAKER_02 15:10

I'm out here working these fingers to the bone, you know.

SPEAKER_06 15:13

You're not.

SPEAKER_02 15:14

I know.

SPEAKER_06 15:15

Um literally sleep at work.

SPEAKER_02 15:17

I take micro naps, close my eyes, and I'm like, fuck, can't be doing that. I'll get fired. Um. But uh, it was like, I don't know. Three o'clock in the morning, and I hear, help, help, help, help, and I'm like, word. So I shut the lights off and I go and I peek through the blinds.

SPEAKER_06 15:46

That's very wide of you to investigate.

SPEAKER_02 15:48

Oh, I investigated, yeah. And I saw these people hop in a car and just like peel it on out. They had a they had a little dog in their hands too.

SPEAKER_06 15:58

Did they steal the dog?

SPEAKER_02 16:00

I don't know.

SPEAKER_06 16:01

But uh What what happened to the person yelling help?

SPEAKER_02 16:04

I don't know.

SPEAKER_06 16:04

Were they in the car or outside of the car?

SPEAKER_02 16:06

Outside of the car.

SPEAKER_06 16:07

Did they leave them?

SPEAKER_02 16:08

Uh I don't know. See, here's what do you mean?

SPEAKER_06 16:10

You just were looking out the blinds, watching this happen.

SPEAKER_02 16:14

And I'm trying to tell you. Trying to give you the facts here.

SPEAKER_06 16:16

So what happened to the person that was screaming help?

SPEAKER_02 16:19

Right. I'm getting there.

SPEAKER_06 16:20

No, just tell me.

SPEAKER_02 16:21

I'm getting there.

SPEAKER_06 16:22

I don't like how you tell stories, just get to the point of it.

SPEAKER_02 16:24

I'm getting there. So I fucking called a cops. I was like, hey, uh I think somebody might be dying in the apartments next to me.

SPEAKER_06 16:32

You love to call the cops.

SPEAKER_02 16:34

I know. I'm a cop caller. Also very water view. Cop caller, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_06 16:39

On speed dial.

SPEAKER_02 16:40

Right. I mean, 911 is kind of already like five clicks on the Apple phone. But uh, so the cops showed up and they parked right outside of this window. Outside of this window is a parking lot, and they were shining their lights into my apartment. Not intentionally, they just had all their fucking lights on.

SPEAKER_06 17:04

Well, it was dark, I presume.

SPEAKER_02 17:06

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they could just see me leaned up against the the doorway like this or the window. And I'm just sitting there watching them and uh did you just say the doorway of the window? No, no, no, no, that's it. Yeah. There's no doorway of the window, Hannah. I'm not stupid. Um, but no, uh, then I got a phone call and it was the police officer.

SPEAKER_06 17:30

And I was like You gave them your information for a call back. Um and you had no information on this emergency situation that you called about. Are you fucking kidding me? That's the dumbest thing. No, at that point you go, no, I'm just calling anonymously and keep it moving because you have no helpful input to add.

SPEAKER_02 17:47

No, I did have helpful input.

SPEAKER_06 17:49

What was it? That they had a dog?

SPEAKER_02 17:51

Nope. That I heard them scream again.

SPEAKER_06 17:55

While the cops were there?

SPEAKER_02 17:56

No, this was the fuck? Before the cops got there.

SPEAKER_06 18:01

Wow. So your only helpful input was they screamed.

SPEAKER_02 18:04

They keep fucking screaming.

SPEAKER_06 18:06

Where were they?

SPEAKER_02 18:07

I don't somewhere in those apartments. I didn't go out and investigate that much.

SPEAKER_06 18:10

So the person was not in the car that left.

SPEAKER_02 18:12

Correct.

SPEAKER_06 18:13

Okay, because you actually never followed up on me asking that question.

SPEAKER_02 18:17

Nah, I was gonna get there.

SPEAKER_06 18:18

I don't think you were.

Cats, Demons, And Apartment Life

SPEAKER_02 18:19

So the cop called and he was like, What's up? This is Officer Bob. Um uh you called in a thing? And I was like, Yeah, I did. Said I'm pretty sure you're shining your lights on me right now. And he's like, Oh shit, my bad. He turned off his lights, and then we waved. Um, but basically, uh the point of the story was uh when we were talking about it, he was like, uh, yeah, dude. I was like, I really think somebody might be like getting hurt or something over there because they keep fucking screaming help, and I've never heard anybody scream help like that since I've lived here.

SPEAKER_06 18:54

Well, normally people do that in an emergency when they need help.

SPEAKER_02 18:58

Correct. And he's his response to me was yeah, there's a couple of uh apartments in that building right there that sell narcotics, so it's probably just one of those. And then they just drove away.

SPEAKER_06 19:13

So you still had no helpful information. No, no.

SPEAKER_02 19:19

Um you know, hope that person is uh alive and well and doing great things and making good choices.

SPEAKER_06 19:29

Wow.

SPEAKER_02 19:30

Yes.

SPEAKER_06 19:31

That was good for you, Winston. Thanks, Hannah. Good job doing your part. Sister and Sister Hannah that did absolutely nothing to help you situation.

SPEAKER_02 19:42

I tried. I tried uh be a good Samaritan and a good neighborly neighbor.

SPEAKER_07 19:52

Wow.

SPEAKER_02 19:54

We might be cooking with charcoal because it's slow. See, I saw this one earlier and I thought you might like this. It's your bedroom TV.

SPEAKER_09 20:32

Pippin, no, stop it. Not a mouse.

SPEAKER_06 20:50

I had that happen with a tape measure.

SPEAKER_05 21:00

No, no, no.

SPEAKER_06 21:02

You she had so much time to get that to me. She didn't have a lot of time. The cat's gotta go.

SPEAKER_09 21:20

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_06 21:28

I'm really trying to figure out. Like these are the critters that were worshipped.

SPEAKER_02 21:33

Yes.

SPEAKER_06 21:34

And they're such dicks.

SPEAKER_02 21:35

Uh, you know, into the what was it, the afterlife in Egypt and shit.

SPEAKER_06 21:39

They're so mean.

SPEAKER_02 21:40

I think they're great.

SPEAKER_06 21:41

Um No, I mean they're cool sometimes, but also there's not a lot of thoughts behind those eyes. I mean for destruction.

SPEAKER_02 21:49

Slurpees, there's none really, except for like cuddles and food. Other than that.

SPEAKER_06 21:55

You made her so fucking plump. She's got no room for thoughts.

SPEAKER_02 22:00

I didn't do that. She did that on her own accord.

SPEAKER_06 22:03

No, you did you supplied the endless supply of food.

SPEAKER_02 22:07

It's not even like that because I've seen her. She's so weird because uh they told me the vet told me to start feeding her for like a nine-pound cat. And I did that, and it's not a lot of food. And she won't eat all of it for like over a day.

SPEAKER_06 22:27

That's okay.

SPEAKER_02 22:28

Yeah, I know it's I know she'll be fine. Oh, I know she'll be fine. But yeah, I don't think that's why she's fat. I think it might be genetics.

SPEAKER_06 22:38

No, she didn't look like that when you got her. She was not that dense.

SPEAKER_02 22:42

She is uh she's a heavy bitch.

SPEAKER_06 22:45

She had more fur than anything when you first got her, and now she's plump.

SPEAKER_02 22:49

Yeah, she's she's fat as fuck. Um but she doesn't do anything. I can't get her to do anything like her cat tree, which is right over there. Um she doesn't catnip. No.

SPEAKER_06 23:06

Um my cat's possessed by the devil, so yeah, I was about to get into that.

SPEAKER_02 23:10

Um Fig had a transformation.

SPEAKER_06 23:15

No, she's possessed. It's a demon, it's not a transformation.

SPEAKER_02 23:18

I mean, she got tr got transformed because of a demon.

SPEAKER_06 23:22

Forty days and 40 nights out on the streets really did her in.

SPEAKER_02 23:25

Like Jesus. Yeah. Um how much time does she have left?

SPEAKER_06 23:35

Yeah, I don't know. Probably she's immortal now, probably. Fucking demon. She just siphons energy from people.

SPEAKER_02 23:44

Have you thought about like giving her to science?

SPEAKER_06 23:48

She would probably eat the scientists.

SPEAKER_02 23:50

That would still be science.

SPEAKER_06 23:52

I don't know how much data you're collecting at that point.

SPEAKER_02 23:57

This cat's fucked the fuck up.

SPEAKER_06 23:59

Yeah, no, she is.

SPEAKER_02 24:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 24:02

Love her.

SPEAKER_02 24:03

Yeah, no, that's that's cool. Um goddammit. I don't want me up. No, it's not gonna do it. Now we're gonna go through the whole thing again. Yep. Which is fun.

SPEAKER_06 24:22

Wow. Is this why you hold my life partner hostage for so long when y'all film because you can't fucking do anything?

SPEAKER_02 24:38

No, I'm not normally I'm not normally the TikTok person.

SPEAKER_06 24:41

Oh, so basically you need him.

Bird Helmets, Barstools, And Internet Stunts

SPEAKER_02 24:43

You know, like Ocean View. That's a nice place. I would go there. I would I would take a family on vacation there if I had a family to take on vacation. I would take him right here to Ocean View.

SPEAKER_06 24:54

You shouldn't do that.

SPEAKER_02 24:55

I would definitely do that.

SPEAKER_06 24:56

That's why you don't have a family number here. That's what that is. That's exactly why.

SPEAKER_02 25:06

Oh no, it's it's great around here.

SPEAKER_06 25:08

Um, yeah. No. Oh just because you're by a golf course does not make it great. This area has never been great. I mean, there's like a couple spots that aren't as bad.

SPEAKER_02 25:24

Like right here? No. Right here on this corner.

SPEAKER_06 25:27

No, no, this is a great car. We literally watched two guys about to jump this lady because she asked for a cigarette. And you're telling me it's so great. You can't fucking walk your dog at night.

SPEAKER_02 25:41

There's a dog park across the street.

SPEAKER_06 25:43

Yeah, you can only go there by the masses.

SPEAKER_02 25:47

I've seen one person there by themselves and they were doing just fine. I was thinking about taking Slurpee there one time.

SPEAKER_06 25:54

So she can get eaten by a dog?

SPEAKER_02 25:55

No, I'll take her there when there's no dogs.

SPEAKER_06 25:58

You're just gonna stand out there watching all fucking day.

SPEAKER_02 26:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 26:03

Until it's maybe empty. Right. That's pretty like, can y'all leave?

SPEAKER_02 26:08

I need to take my cat to the park.

SPEAKER_06 26:12

There's literally a playground right next to it where there aren't dogs. You can just take her there.

SPEAKER_02 26:17

I don't know how she feels about slides. I think she's kind of biased.

SPEAKER_06 26:19

I don't think she likes anything. Lounging and eating.

SPEAKER_02 26:24

She likes me. Barely. Bullshit. She likes you enough to make sure you wake up every morning to feed her. I think that's why she sleeps like here recently. She's been sleeping. She'll sleep right next to my face and she'll curl up next to me and I'll be on my side.

SPEAKER_06 26:41

How many times you die?

SPEAKER_02 26:42

Right. And I feel like she's just waiting to like when I start to die, die, like really cross that level.

SPEAKER_06 26:49

She's gonna eat your body.

SPEAKER_02 26:50

No. Probably what I'm saying is she's gonna be.

SPEAKER_06 26:53

Because you're not gonna be able to fill her food bowl.

SPEAKER_02 26:55

She's gonna fucking attack me and wake me up. She's like my guardian cat angel. I was trying to think of a word. Uh, you wanna see a sick bird?

SPEAKER_06 27:19

I'm allergic to birds. What the fuck? Yeah. Cats and dogs are fine. Birds, not so much.

SPEAKER_02 27:27

This bird is pretty fucking sick though.

SPEAKER_06 27:29

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 27:30

I didn't know that you could train a bird to do motocross.

SPEAKER_06 27:35

Well, birds are pretty smart.

SPEAKER_02 27:37

Like, that thing's got a helmet on and everything. I don't know why it really needs a helmet. It's you can just fly away.

SPEAKER_06 27:45

I think it's just for aesthetics. Uh I don't think it's the safety protocol.

SPEAKER_02 27:50

Well, it doesn't have a fake leg or anything, so I don't think it has to do with aesthetics.

SPEAKER_06 27:58

Excuse me.

SPEAKER_02 27:59

What?

SPEAKER_06 28:00

What the fuck did you just say to me?

SPEAKER_02 28:03

Uh you were talking about like it having like fake limbs and shit and it doesn't have any aesthetics.

SPEAKER_06 28:08

I didn't say that it I didn't say anything about its limbs. You said that it didn't have Yeah, you said aesthetics.

SPEAKER_02 28:14

Isn't that like fake arms and shit?

SPEAKER_06 28:19

Those are prosthetics.

SPEAKER_02 28:21

Prosthetics. What the fuck? I thought prosthetics was like everything that has to do with the study of like the prostate.

SPEAKER_06 28:30

You're an idiot.

SPEAKER_02 28:31

No, I just think differently.

SPEAKER_06 28:33

No.

SPEAKER_02 28:35

Oh shit. This is why your college doesn't like you. I don't like my college.

SPEAKER_06 28:39

This fucking guy. Um is that cowboy? In his prime. This seems like something my toddler would show me.

SPEAKER_02 29:13

This is fucking impressive.

SPEAKER_06 29:15

I'm I mean.

SPEAKER_02 29:18

I'm about to start training with these barstools.

SPEAKER_06 29:21

You probably shouldn't. You'll probably break your neck.

SPEAKER_02 29:27

Maybe a leg. He's fucking with his legs, not his neck.

SPEAKER_06 29:31

No, no. You're not even you can't even do the splits regular, so.

SPEAKER_02 29:35

I'll figure it out.

SPEAKER_06 29:36

I don't think you need to worry about your legs right away.

SPEAKER_02 29:38

I'll figure it out.

unknown 29:40

We're high.

SPEAKER_02 29:42

Here's a good alarm clock for you.

SPEAKER_00 29:48

I'll be your alarm clock. Good morning. I'll be your alarm clock this morning. Nothing like a good dose of T Rex roar to wake your ass up, huh? You're welcome.

SPEAKER_02 30:07

Sounds like a nice fucking dude.

SPEAKER_06 30:08

He's got dinosaurs on his ceiling.

SPEAKER_02 30:13

And he loves dinosaurs.

SPEAKER_06 30:18

Does. Good for him.

SPEAKER_02 30:20

No, I I think this is a really cool guy.

SPEAKER_06 30:23

Good for him.

SPEAKER_02 30:23

Yeah. Um how how would you feel being woken up by that man in the corner of your bedroom?

SPEAKER_06 30:33

Why would he be in my bedroom for starters?

SPEAKER_02 30:35

He said he's gonna wake you up.

SPEAKER_06 30:38

Why does he know where I live?

SPEAKER_02 30:39

He's just there to be your alarm clock.

SPEAKER_06 30:42

No.

SPEAKER_02 30:44

Alright. So that's fun.

SPEAKER_06 30:46

I have a toddler who will just punch me in the face if I wake up. So I think I'm okay.

SPEAKER_02 30:53

How is Ollie doing with uh hockey?

SPEAKER_06 30:58

Um he likes to say I play soccer a lot.

SPEAKER_02 31:02

He calls it soccer.

SPEAKER_06 31:03

He does not play either sport, so and he tells us that we're gonna go play hockey as the adults, and yeah, probably not. So I don't know. He's only fucking three. I don't expect him to be in the NHL right now.

SPEAKER_02 31:21

Right, yeah. I mean, he could get there. He started he started here.

SPEAKER_06 31:28

You go have that conversation with him and tell me how it goes.

SPEAKER_02 31:31

I will. I will.

SPEAKER_06 31:33

Tell me how your bank account feels afterwards, too.

SPEAKER_02 31:36

Oh, it'll feel fine.

SPEAKER_06 31:43

They're so dumb. Bro, these kids can't even fucking read.

SPEAKER_02 31:48

They're charging like eight hundred dollars.

SPEAKER_06 31:51

I have no fucking idea what's going on. 800?

SPEAKER_02 31:53

I don't know. I'm just throwing a number out there.

SPEAKER_06 31:56

Bro, you can do travel hockey at four.

SPEAKER_02 32:02

Travel hockey four? Oh, at the age of four. That sounds fun.

SPEAKER_06 32:07

Absolutely the fuck not.

SPEAKER_02 32:09

Are you guys gonna do it?

SPEAKER_06 32:10

Fuck no.

SPEAKER_02 32:11

I think you should.

SPEAKER_06 32:12

No. That's just just a money grab. What do they travel?

SPEAKER_02 32:16

What do they travel to?

SPEAKER_06 32:18

What I think they do like four little like jamborees or something. I don't fucking know.

SPEAKER_02 32:23

Four jamborees.

SPEAKER_06 32:25

Anytime I think of jamboree, I think of uh probably something incorrect because you don't think of the proper thing ever.

SPEAKER_02 32:32

That's right. And I think of the country bear jamboree in Disney World.

SPEAKER_06 32:37

I've never been to Disney. I've been probably 40 times Is it because your dad felt bad because your mom was a crackhead?

SPEAKER_02 32:47

Could be. I don't know. But we went, we had a great time. Well, we had a great time. Oh did you?

SPEAKER_06 32:56

Because I feel like I've heard stories about you just like walking away and going to sit in the hotel by yourself.

SPEAKER_02 33:03

No, I wouldn't go sit in the hotel by myself.

SPEAKER_06 33:06

Just sitting on a bench and watching the people go by.

SPEAKER_02 33:09

No, it was cool. Like we would go down there and it'd be me, my mom, my birth not my birth mother. Uh rip. Yeah. Rip. Um before I get into that, actually, no, I'll get into that in a second. Um, but yeah, no, it was my stepmom who adopted me and my dad. And we would get down there and like your room key was like your credit card, and so you could buy everything in the park or whatever you wanted to and just charge it to the room. Dad would say, like, all right, here you go. You know, don't go crazy. All right. And I would literally just have free reign to go wherever the fuck I wanted to. And uh, you know, I go like I go ride Space Mountain and Magic Kingdom. I'd be like, you know what, I want to go ride the Tower of Terror.

SPEAKER_06 34:02

Amazing. So I would like, you know, ride on rides as people do, I assume.

SPEAKER_02 34:08

Right, but like as like a sixth grader, you know, being able to navigate and like hop on the monorail and then hop on a boat and then you know, get to your destination, it was pretty fucking cool.

SPEAKER_06 34:26

Now yeah, now going back to my crackhead mother, um, so you know, once this is probably why you only have you talked to a therapist about this? Because this is probably why you only date crazy people, because you have mommy issues. Um wasn't stable.

SPEAKER_02 34:46

I don't think I have mommy issues. You do. I don't think so. Um, but let me tell you this.

SPEAKER_06 34:52

Um very toxic of you to just completely shut it down and not even not even entertain the fact that you might say I don't think I do.

SPEAKER_02 35:01

I didn't say I don't. I said I don't think I do. Uh because I really just have no feelings on it whatsoever.

SPEAKER_06 35:08

But that's probably a lie. There's a feeling there. Yeah. It's okay. We don't have to talk about it, but there's a feeling there. There always is.

SPEAKER_02 35:16

I don't think so. I'm just kind of like, everything's fine.

SPEAKER_06 35:20

And that's your problem. You fucking think everything is fine all the time. Everything is fine. You literally said, Have you guys tried this monster? And then proceeded to dump the whole fucking thing down the drain after saying it was good.

SPEAKER_02 35:31

That's because I opened it four days ago.

SPEAKER_06 35:34

Why was it still sitting for four days?

SPEAKER_02 35:36

Because I started drinking it. I started feeling like heart problem-y.

SPEAKER_06 35:40

So you took one sip of it and said, This is so cool, I poured out that much of it. I know why.

SPEAKER_02 35:45

Poured out that much of it.

SPEAKER_06 35:46

You refuse to just admit that not everything is good.

SPEAKER_02 35:48

And but that thing was good. I just I didn't drink a lot of energy drinks.

SPEAKER_06 35:53

You could get served the worst meal of your life, and you'd be like, Well, at least I'm not hungry. You know, the fries were cool. And they weren't. There's nothing cool. Yeah, that's a really And it's okay to say, hey, this meal kind of sucked. Right. And just not have it again.

SPEAKER_02 36:14

There are things that suck, and but you don't say that. I I think I do.

SPEAKER_06 36:18

You don't.

SPEAKER_02 36:19

I'll tell you one thing that did suck.

SPEAKER_06 36:22

Um the way you bought a whole fucking bottle of hot sauce to dump on a fucking sandwich in your truck.

SPEAKER_02 36:33

That was really good.

SPEAKER_06 36:35

The whole bottle though?

SPEAKER_02 36:36

No, I I had the bottle in that cabinet, which is on the other side of you guys on the camera. I've got a set of cabinets along the way.

SPEAKER_06 36:44

Yeah, it's the kitchen. We I would hope.

SPEAKER_02 36:46

It's just in the kitchen. Um, but no, that bottle is right in there, and there's not that much gone. And we use we actually used it uh for some shrimp the other night that filled us up.

SPEAKER_06 36:57

Amazing.

Grief, Hibachi After A Death, And Bud Light History

SPEAKER_02 36:58

Yeah, so but the thing that sucked that I was trying to get into was uh so we watched my birth mother take her last breath. That was cool and whatnot. Um and you know, after we got outside, we were kind of just like hugging and whatnot, me, my brother and his wife. And I was like, hey, you guys are uh, I know it's been a long day, but if you guys are hungry, you know, pick somewhere to go and uh you know I'll I'll pay for the meal.

SPEAKER_05 37:29

How kind of you.

SPEAKER_02 37:30

Thank you. It's the least I could do. Um so you know, normally you okay, if you were put in that position, you had to pick where to go, what kind of place would you pick?

SPEAKER_06 37:42

Anywhere. Just because someone died doesn't mean you have to pick a special place to eat.

SPEAKER_02 37:47

Right, right, right. But would you pick a fucking dinner and a show?

SPEAKER_06 37:50

Why not? Why not?

SPEAKER_02 37:53

Why not?

SPEAKER_06 37:54

Why not? What do you have to lose? The person's already dead.

SPEAKER_02 37:59

I know, but nobody's in a good fucking mood, right?

SPEAKER_06 38:01

But no one said you have to go and have fun at the show. It's just something to do. Right.

SPEAKER_02 38:06

But like we go to a strip mall hibachi joint.

SPEAKER_06 38:09

Okay, hibachi's good.

SPEAKER_02 38:10

No, hibachi's great, but it sucks when like the dude is there, like, oh, look at the onion volcano. And like you're just that's his job. I know it's his job, but you're the only three people there.

SPEAKER_06 38:21

Nobody's- You probably should have looked at the guy and said, Hey, my mom's dead, so maybe don't look so happy if you didn't want him to be happy. I'm sure he would have played the part.

SPEAKER_02 38:30

He's like, Oh, let me build a grave in the rash.

SPEAKER_06 38:33

Yeah, probably, and then like thrown it all at you or something.

SPEAKER_02 38:36

Right. Let me turn this into ash.

SPEAKER_06 38:38

Yeah, so yeah, but uh next time request a funeral service or something at Hibachi. I don't know. Call ahead.

SPEAKER_02 38:46

I thought it was kind of fun. Um not really. It was it was really awkward. And then my brother bought a beer on my tab.

SPEAKER_08 38:56

He said it was on you.

SPEAKER_02 38:58

You I know, but here's the thing: nobody drank the fucking beer. Nobody. He just asked the waitress. He said, I need you to go and get get a Bud Light. I need you to put it down there at the end of the table.

SPEAKER_06 39:10

Did your mom drink Bud Light?

SPEAKER_02 39:11

Yeah, that's what killed her. Um other things too.

SPEAKER_06 39:21

So you have a history with Bud Light, is what I'm hearing.

SPEAKER_02 39:25

You see, that's why I don't touch the stuff no mo.

SPEAKER_06 39:27

No more is the key word.

SPEAKER_02 39:29

Yeah, no mo. I feel like I've had my fair share of uh Bud Light um near-death experiences, um, life-altering moments. But that's that's why we don't touch the Bud Lights.

SPEAKER_06 39:45

No, now we just drink 57 Mick Ultras. And we just go to sleep.

SPEAKER_02 39:53

That's it.

SPEAKER_06 39:54

You thought we weren't moving at 70 miles per hour.

SPEAKER_02 39:58

Well, that's because I had other stuff that day. There was some kind of wild beer that I was drinking at the at the game.

SPEAKER_06 40:04

Bro, it was like a fucking IPA.

SPEAKER_02 40:09

Yeah. IPA.

SPEAKER_06 40:13

Oh my goodness, because it had nothing to do with the entire case of Michael Stress that you drank after the game.

SPEAKER_02 40:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 40:22

You didn't even fucking sit with us, you fucking loser. I got lost. Ain't no fucking way.

SPEAKER_02 40:29

I got lost.

SPEAKER_06 40:30

You literally had your ticket on your phone that told you where to go.

SPEAKER_02 40:33

Yeah, I knew I my brain knew where I was supposed to go, but I went somewhere else. And what's crazy is that the same row of the seat that I was sitting in was the same row in the section that I was in.

SPEAKER_06 40:49

And it still wasn't the correct row.

SPEAKER_02 40:51

No, it was the right row.

SPEAKER_06 40:52

No, it was not the correct row that we were sitting in.

SPEAKER_02 40:56

Okay, the row was it was 547, section 547, row 22, seat 22.

SPEAKER_06 41:03

And you were sitting in 23.

SPEAKER_02 41:05

Yeah, so one up.

SPEAKER_06 41:07

So it was not the correct row, you fucking tell me.

SPEAKER_02 41:10

No, no, no. I'm saying, like, so whenever I finally, you know, sat in that one, and then I ended up in the other section, I was still in row 23.

SPEAKER_06 41:18

Still in the wrong seat.

SPEAKER_02 41:19

Row 23.

SPEAKER_06 41:20

Still in the wrong row. I made that row my row.

SPEAKER_02 41:22

That row was my row from now on. 23.

SPEAKER_06 41:26

Okay. Well, how often do you um go to Panthers games?

SPEAKER_02 41:32

Um, well, in the last 31 years, I've only been to one.

unknown 41:35

Wow.

SPEAKER_06 41:36

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 41:37

Yes.

SPEAKER_06 41:38

Hey, so you're claiming a whole row for a place you'd never been before. Good.

SPEAKER_02 41:43

I want to get a lower seat next time so I don't have to walk.

SPEAKER_06 41:46

It was a long walk. It was a lot of stairs.

SPEAKER_02 41:48

It was so many stairs, and like I was already like pretty drunk getting there. And like we know. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 41:55

We know. We were there.

SPEAKER_02 41:57

Yeah. And as we kept climbing up higher, I was like, this is a steep fucking climb.

SPEAKER_06 42:04

Well, you climbed up by yourself first.

SPEAKER_02 42:07

Yeah, I should not have done that because that scared me.

SPEAKER_06 42:09

That's how you ended up in the wrong row.

SPEAKER_02 42:11

By one.

SPEAKER_06 42:12

You were still in the wrong row.

SPEAKER_02 42:14

I just sat there and waited for you guys.

SPEAKER_06 42:16

Yeah, and then we sat down and you fucking left and never came back. So I don't think you were waiting for us.

SPEAKER_02 42:22

I left a halftime.

SPEAKER_06 42:25

And then never came back.

SPEAKER_02 42:26

Well, I was eating that sandwich.

SPEAKER_06 42:28

And then you didn't hang out with us again for the rest of the day.

SPEAKER_02 42:31

Another thing that I was doing while I was out there was I was looking because you know all of the airplanes and shit has shut down because of Trump and the government shutdown thing. So I was looking over at I was looking over at Charlotte International and I was like, damn, there's not a lot of planes coming out of here. So I kind of investigated that for a few minutes from one of the ledges while I ate my dry sandwich.

SPEAKER_06 42:57

So you just stared at an airport while eating a sandwich? That was your form of investigation. I'm so glad you do not work for the police or anything. Your crime solving skills are trash.

SPEAKER_04 43:12

Oh no, this woman's yelling for help. Here's my first and last name and my phone number. That's all I got for you.

SPEAKER_06 43:18

Yeah. Oh, look, there's not a lot of airplanes. Sick. Investigation closed.

SPEAKER_02 43:24

It wasn't closed. It was data.

SPEAKER_06 43:28

What are you doing with the data? Have you looked at the airport since?

SPEAKER_02 43:32

Uh no, but I know that uh TSA and flights are up, up, up, you know.

SPEAKER_06 43:37

What did you do with the data? Where is it?

SPEAKER_02 43:39

I put it in my back pocket. Saved it for a rainy day, and it hasn't rained.

SPEAKER_06 43:46

So basically, you have zero data and you have nothing to do with your zero data.

SPEAKER_02 43:54

No, I have data. I counted the planes.

SPEAKER_06 43:57

Well, how many were there?

unknown 43:58

Two.

SPEAKER_06 44:02

Wow. There were two planes that were there only two because that's as high as you could count at the time.

SPEAKER_02 44:08

No, Hannah. I've been like, there was more than two.

SPEAKER_06 44:12

How would you know? You were really drunk. You didn't even know where your seat was.

SPEAKER_02 44:18

Yeah, I did.

SPEAKER_06 44:19

You couldn't find the section.

SPEAKER_02 44:21

I read the sign wrong.

SPEAKER_06 44:24

It was numbers.

SPEAKER_02 44:25

Yeah, I read it wrong.

SPEAKER_06 44:27

There's no way. You just literally saw a flight of stairs and said, Yep, that's the right way to go. I guarantee that's exactly what you did. You turned around and you said, That has to be the stairs I came down.

SPEAKER_02 44:40

Even though there's hundreds of sets of stairs in that place. I just knew it was the one.

SPEAKER_06 44:45

And it wasn't.

SPEAKER_02 44:46

It was not the one. It's kind of how my love life is.

SPEAKER_06 44:50

I'm glad you didn't like drunkenly fall out of the parking garage, though.

SPEAKER_02 44:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 44:55

That would have made for a really dumb trip. We would have just had to like leave you there and like steal your truck.

SPEAKER_02 45:00

But the fuck no, you guys could have like taken me to a hospital.

SPEAKER_06 45:03

No, because if you would have fallen like off of that, there's no way that you, as drunk as you were, were gonna land in any good way, and you probably would have just bashed your head in.

SPEAKER_02 45:13

Okay, so you guys could have leased.

SPEAKER_06 45:15

No, we would have called the people for you, but then we would have left.

SPEAKER_02 45:17

You wouldn't have left a callback number.

SPEAKER_06 45:22

Probably not.

SPEAKER_02 45:23

I'm anonymously reporting this dead person that I know his name is Winston.

SPEAKER_06 45:29

I also stole his truck.

SPEAKER_02 45:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 45:32

And I'm driving it back to Virginia.

SPEAKER_02 45:34

Y'all could have at least like put me in the Yeti and uh take me to the farm so my dad could dig a hole.

SPEAKER_06 45:40

No. No. We probably, I mean, I'm sure Brian could have found a way to contact Big Cookie and have him come pick your body up.

SPEAKER_02 45:51

No, but uh I wasn't gonna I wasn't gonna fall or anything like that. I was secured.

SPEAKER_06 45:58

You're just in there pissing on camera.

SPEAKER_02 46:00

I didn't what camera?

SPEAKER_06 46:01

There was a camera right by the fucking corner. I literally walked up and I said, Winston, is this your P trailing all the way down to the exit of the parking garage? And you'd be like, damn street, whatever the fuck you said to me. Something dumb that didn't even make sense. And I was like, there's a fucking camera right here. You just piss it on camera. You're like, there's not a camera. I said, I'm fucking looking at it. Yes, it is. You're like, it doesn't work. I was like, how the fuck would you know? You don't. You're fucking drunk.

SPEAKER_02 46:31

It probably didn't work.

SPEAKER_06 46:33

It probably did work.

SPEAKER_02 46:34

People aren't just on there looking for people to pee.

SPEAKER_06 46:37

We were literally in Charlotte. I feel like a decent amount of their cameras should work with how often people are getting stabbed there.

SPEAKER_02 46:45

Yeah, I'm glad we didn't ride the train.

SPEAKER_06 46:47

It was suggested.

SPEAKER_02 46:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 46:51

I think we all collectively. I'm mad you tried to have us at a gas station next to a car that had like a body go through the windshield.

SPEAKER_02 47:01

I wanted to get gas before we got to the airport.

SPEAKER_06 47:04

I'm also mad you suck at reading the room.

SPEAKER_02 47:07

What?

SPEAKER_06 47:08

Who the fuck just stands out in this sketchy ass situation and it's like I'm gonna argue with this fucking gas pump because I'm determined to fill my truck up all the fucking way.

SPEAKER_02 47:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 47:20

You could have just put like 10 bucks in and we could have taken care of it the next day when the sun was up.

SPEAKER_02 47:27

So y'all were scared.

SPEAKER_05 47:30

I know how to read the room.

SPEAKER_02 47:32

What what room were you reading? Were you reading the people that were by the front door of the gas station?

SPEAKER_06 47:40

Mm-hmm. That you would have no idea how to talk to? Yeah, I would. No.

SPEAKER_02 47:46

I'm like, yeah. Absolutely not. 36 mafia.

SPEAKER_06 47:51

That's not how you handle that.

SPEAKER_02 47:53

Yeah. Um. No, I think it would have been alright. I'd have been like, hello, good sirs. How are we doing this fine evening?

SPEAKER_05 48:01

They would have stabbed you.

SPEAKER_02 48:06

Careful some new ports.

SPEAKER_05 48:08

They got stabbed.

SPEAKER_02 48:09

I don't think so.

SPEAKER_05 48:11

Um I would have stabbed you.

SPEAKER_02 48:14

Well, I had. Well, that's why I told Brian. I said, uh, come out here and put a knife to my back so they know that I'm already taken and that I'm already getting robbed.

SPEAKER_06 48:24

And uh I didn't say that they were gonna rob you.

SPEAKER_02 48:27

Oh. Well, that way they know I'm already getting stabbed or whatever. Um that way they can be like, oh, he you already got under control, big dog. Alright. That would've been that.

SPEAKER_05 48:43

I don't know if they would have called him big dog, but sure.

SPEAKER_02 48:48

What else would they have called him? Boss man. Yeah, what up, boss man? You got him under control? And then he would be like, yeah, and I'd be like Honestly, he probably knew him.

SPEAKER_06 49:00

He knows everybody.

SPEAKER_02 49:01

Yeah. Yeah. Especially when we go to Smeagol's best, and uh you know, he knows everybody there.

unknown 49:12

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_02 49:16

Yeah. Glad you caught on. I saw you not catching on for a second. The hamster wheel had to turn.

SPEAKER_06 49:23

Um my brain's pretty regular, thank you.

SPEAKER_02 49:26

Yeah, same. My my brain's pretty regular as well. That's not um. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 49:37

Sir, pull over the butt now.

unknown 49:39

Huh?

SPEAKER_00 49:40

Bro, it's a bicycle, bro. You're clearly intoxicated. You can't do why a bike, is it? It's like a law or something. Stay right there.

SPEAKER_06 49:49

I know that hurt. Sir, pull over the buttons.

SPEAKER_02 49:53

Is that me on Sunday?

SPEAKER_06 49:57

You did not say that many words.

SPEAKER_02 50:00

Yeah, I was asleep.

SPEAKER_06 50:03

Deceased more like it. Why do you keep doing that to cats? That's so rude.

unknown 51:11

Oh.

SPEAKER_02 51:11

You see, this is gonna embass Pro Shop.

SPEAKER_11 51:22

It's a really stupid thing to do.

SPEAKER_07 51:34

He's trained to be for the software.

SPEAKER_02 51:45

You said what?

SPEAKER_06 51:46

So people do some wild things for the internet.

SPEAKER_02 51:49

I I think he's really training to be a cop.

SPEAKER_06 51:52

I doubt that.

SPEAKER_02 51:53

I think he's really training. I think he's uh I think he just did it for the bit. No, he's training.

SPEAKER_05 52:00

I don't think so.

SPEAKER_02 52:01

Do you remember the video of the dude from like a year ago in the Bass Pro and he got like naked and jumped in the fish tank? Oh that was funny.

SPEAKER_06 52:12

I don't regularly watch Bass Pro videos.

SPEAKER_02 52:15

I don't either. But uh, you know, they they happen to pop up every now and then.

SPEAKER_06 52:21

Well, you seem to really remember some Bass Pro videos, so I think you watch them more than I do.

SPEAKER_02 52:26

It was a big thing.

SPEAKER_06 52:28

Uh sure. Good for that guy. I'm sure you could have done that in just like a lake somewhere, but pop up, I suppose.

SPEAKER_02 52:43

You wanna take a piss break? I got a piss.

SPEAKER_05 52:46

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 52:47

Alright, cool.

SPEAKER_06 53:21

We're still here.

SPEAKER_02 53:23

That's right. We're still here and we're still queer.

SPEAKER_06 53:26

Well.

SPEAKER_02 53:27

Yeah, I'm not queer.

SPEAKER_06 53:28

No, you are.

SPEAKER_02 53:29

Um I'm regular. That's right. Um, Hannah, are you uh feeling comfortable over there?

SPEAKER_06 53:37

Your vent is like mouth breathing on me.

SPEAKER_02 53:40

Yeah, they call that the uh Sesame's 2.0 model unit that I've gotten. Uh they took after my heavy breathing and my hot breath.

SPEAKER_06 53:50

And uh that's disgusting.

SPEAKER_02 53:52

It's actually some of the cleanest that you can get. There's no fucking way. The cleanest warm air that money can buy is coming out of that vent right now. I don't and it's modeled after me.

SPEAKER_06 54:02

I don't think you paid for it.

SPEAKER_02 54:04

And uh, well, no, I didn't, but the apartment complex did. Ruthie.

SPEAKER_06 54:09

I think Ruthie should make better investments.

SPEAKER_02 54:13

Well, this also should have been replaced back in March, but you know, November works just as fine.

SPEAKER_06 54:20

I mean, like as a whole, the room feels good, but it's like as the air is coming out, it feels like someone's standing here just mouth breathing on me.

SPEAKER_02 54:27

Well, you know what? It is the veins right now are swinging. So let me uh what the fuck did you just say to me? The veins. The veins. The veins. V-A-N-E-S, not V-E-I-N-E-S.

SPEAKER_06 54:44

But oh my god. So I can don't talk to me like that.

SPEAKER_02 54:49

I can lift up the veins. That way it's not directly on you. Somehow. Oh.

SPEAKER_06 55:01

You're telling me you could have moved this fucking flap the whole time.

SPEAKER_02 55:05

It's called a fucking vein.

SPEAKER_06 55:06

It's a flap.

SPEAKER_02 55:07

It's a fucking vein.

SPEAKER_06 55:08

It's a flap. Lisa, I didn't ask for you to be an HVAC fucking professional right now.

SPEAKER_02 55:16

Okay, there we go. Now it's at its highest setting right now to where it is the vein is pulled in as close. Does that work?

SPEAKER_06 55:24

No, that's fine.

SPEAKER_02 55:25

Okay, well.

SPEAKER_06 55:26

I'm sure it won't be fine in like five minutes, but I'll let you know.

SPEAKER_02 55:29

Okay, cool. Thank you. Um, you know, while we were both pissing, I prepared us some shots.

SPEAKER_06 55:36

Disgusting.

SPEAKER_02 55:37

Yes.

SPEAKER_06 55:38

I hate liquor.

SPEAKER_02 55:41

Well, um, this is uh to you and your first episode on the podcast being our very first uh guest fill-in. And uh yeah, so uh go ahead and raise your glass, Hannah, because this is to you.

SPEAKER_06 55:57

I wish you had more of a selection. This is bullshit. I'm a guest, and all you bring is fucking a half-empty bottle of proper 12 to the table.

SPEAKER_02 56:06

Half empty. I mean, maybe now. Oh my god, this is you didn't want the chaser peppercini, but uh no, I don't want to deal with the heartburn. Yeah, I'll deal with a heartburn. Cheers to you, Hannah. It's gonna fuck with a beverini.

Family Rifts, Siblings, And Roots

SPEAKER_06 56:42

This makes me want to bash my skull into someone's windshield.

SPEAKER_02 56:46

What the fuck? Oh god.

SPEAKER_06 56:49

I feel like I need to sip on every single one of my beverages. I'm just gonna rotate them around.

SPEAKER_02 56:56

You do have a lot of beverages over there.

SPEAKER_06 56:58

I do.

SPEAKER_02 56:59

You've got a liquid death, an Arizona, you've got some proper 12.

SPEAKER_06 57:03

So it's alcohol.

SPEAKER_02 57:04

Yeah, I know.

SPEAKER_06 57:05

This is hot water.

SPEAKER_02 57:07

You've got a cup of hot water.

SPEAKER_06 57:09

This is my tea.

SPEAKER_02 57:10

And you've got tea.

SPEAKER_06 57:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 57:12

And one, too.

SPEAKER_06 57:13

I also have a cuff drop. What the fuck? My voice doesn't always sound like this.

SPEAKER_02 57:19

Yeah, normal's a lot more loud.

SPEAKER_06 57:22

Um is it because I'm brown? What?

SPEAKER_02 57:29

No. No. No, Hannah Banana. Sister Hannah.

SPEAKER_06 57:35

Brother Winston.

SPEAKER_02 57:36

That's right.

SPEAKER_06 57:37

Your roots are showing. I ain't got no hair. Your North Carolina roots are showing. I ain't got no hair. Um big cookie would be proud. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_07 57:50

No.

SPEAKER_06 57:50

This is so disgusting.

SPEAKER_03 57:58

He is good.

SPEAKER_06 58:04

I want to just spit it out on your floor.

SPEAKER_02 58:07

Well, it might make the floor rise again.

SPEAKER_06 58:12

That's a hazard.

SPEAKER_02 58:15

Yeah, it is kind of a hazard.

SPEAKER_06 58:19

Um I feel like I have proper 12 like in my jaw.

SPEAKER_02 58:24

In the jaw?

SPEAKER_06 58:25

I don't drink liquor anymore, so it's just. I don't know. Um I like seltzers and stuff. I turned into like a basic white girl.

SPEAKER_02 58:36

Yeah, I have two. Um on the last episode. I don't know if you've seen these, but they're truly like celebrations pack.

SPEAKER_06 58:44

They have a couple different packs.

SPEAKER_02 58:46

Yeah, but this one I haven't seen before. And it was like Rose, Peach something, tiramasu.

SPEAKER_06 58:55

There's no way it was tiramasu. It was that's a dessert.

SPEAKER_02 58:59

It was something.

SPEAKER_06 59:01

It's a fucking desert.

SPEAKER_02 59:03

It started with a T. Well, I don't feel like going over there, so we'll just look it up.

SPEAKER_06 59:12

I don't have glasses on, so I can't read it.

SPEAKER_02 59:14

Truly celebration pack.

SPEAKER_06 59:17

Brave of you to start searching things and mirroring.

SPEAKER_03 59:22

I'm a good boy.

SPEAKER_06 59:26

Trusecko? Trusecco. You said tiramisu, you dummy. Good lord.

SPEAKER_02 59:33

Uh Citrus Spark and uh Peach Parade.

SPEAKER_06 59:38

Wow.

SPEAKER_02 59:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 59:40

It was actually a uh I assume it was good because you drank the entire thing.

SPEAKER_02 59:48

Yeah, I did. Yeah, I drank the whole pack. So yeah. Quite a good pack. Five out of five stars for myself.

SPEAKER_06 59:57

Or did you only sample a couple and then you like blacked it? So like everything tasted good.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:03

No, they were all really good. I enjoyed every flavor.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:08

I had um, what is it? Lucky Buddha. It's a beer made in China. Yowza! You didn't have to do that. I did. You didn't have to do that.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:20

Because you said Buddha.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:22

Okay, well, miss him. Hope you're doing well. Um it was pretty good. It was really light, and the bottle is like a Buddha.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:35

That's that's cool.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:36

Yeah. I didn't know that on the other side at Total Wine, where like you can build your six pack. On the other side is on the import beers.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:44

Yeah. I've never walked over there. You've never walked over there?

SPEAKER_06 1:00:47

No, because I normally like know what I'm going in for for the most part.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:51

Right.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:51

Because you know, yeah. He only drinks one type of truly and it's only sold at total wine now.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:00

I like to go in there with an open mind.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:04

And if you're an alcoholic.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:06

No. No. I like to try different things. And I like to go in there and see, you know.

SPEAKER_06 1:01:14

I wonder if I dump this in here and make it like a shooter.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:18

Ooh.

SPEAKER_06 1:01:18

Or a drink at this point. Make it a drink.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:01:24

I kind of kept pouring and surpassed the shooter status.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:28

Yeah, no, I can still be a shooter.

SPEAKER_06 1:01:30

No. Add a couple ice cubes. You can sip on this. This is the type of cup that they give you at like weddings and shit. Right. When they're like, we have specialty drinks, and then this is all they give you. And you're like, no one's getting drunk tonight.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:44

Right.

SPEAKER_06 1:01:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:47

Speaking of weddings. Yeah. You got one. You got one coming up, right?

SPEAKER_06 1:01:54

I mean, I hope so. That'd be lit. He leaves me the day before. He helps me set up and then leaves.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:06

Right. Leaves you at the altar.

SPEAKER_06 1:02:08

He doesn't even show up the day off. It's like, man.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:11

He's back here at my apartment. I'm like, what the fuck?

SPEAKER_06 1:02:13

Well, you're supposed to be there though. So now y'all both aren't showing up.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:17

No, I mean, I'll be there. My cameras and my alarm systems going off. I'm like, what the fuck?

SPEAKER_05 1:02:24

Okay, that's not as bad now.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:25

There you go.

SPEAKER_06 1:02:28

Who takes their shots in three parts? Me.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:32

Yeah, I took mine, I took my two parts in one part. Um, but no, I'm excited uh to be the best of the best men's.

SPEAKER_06 1:02:43

And listen, you can't fall asleep at my reception.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:48

Oh no, I'm not.

SPEAKER_06 1:02:49

You cannot get so drunk that you fall asleep. I don't want you snoring with your eyes open. None of it. None of it. I will call the cops on you. I will have them escort you off the property.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:06

Now, you just need to have like a uh a fancy blanket that like matches whatever tuxedo or suit we're gonna be wearing to just drape over me.

SPEAKER_06 1:03:16

No, you could just be regular and stay awake.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:20

Um, it'll be the middle of the reception. I'm gonna be like, all right guys, I'm gonna go take a nap.

SPEAKER_06 1:03:24

We're not even starting it until kind of later in the day, so you should be fine.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:29

Okay, cool, cool, cool.

SPEAKER_06 1:03:30

I think we're starting at like 4 30 or something. I don't know. 4 30 for like the ceremony.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:35

Well, I don't know if I can do that.

SPEAKER_06 1:03:38

Well, then you're not the best man. Sorry. You're uninvited.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:41

No, I just I just need to be a good one.

SPEAKER_06 1:03:42

It's a good thing I haven't sent out the invitations yet.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:44

I just need you guys to do it earlier.

SPEAKER_06 1:03:46

No. I don't want to.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:49

No, 4 30 will be fine.

SPEAKER_06 1:03:51

Um It's not your wedding, so it has to be.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:54

I I agree with 4 30. Uh yeah, we can go ahead and set that down. Um, but no, I'm I've already got a speech prepared and everything.

Showers Of Seltzer, CPAP, And Sleep Fails

SPEAKER_06 1:04:04

So it's gonna be uh you don't have to give a speech, it's okay. No, I'm going to give a speech. They're not required. I actually didn't put them in the timeline.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:12

Oh no, no, no. You need to put in there my speech in the timeline because it is going to be there. And that's because I didn't get to do it at my brother's wedding because I was also the best man there, but then the day when I got there, I wasn't the best man. And nobody fucked up. And nobody told me. And not only that.

SPEAKER_06 1:04:32

So you showed up like, hell yeah, I'm the best man ever.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:34

And they were like, though I know your brother-in-law is, and I was like, Word? I remember when you were talking shit about this person and saying some wild off-the-wall things about this person, but you know what?

SPEAKER_06 1:04:48

It's why why did your brother demote you?

SPEAKER_02 1:04:50

Uh, I don't know, probably something to do with his fucking wife or something. But here's the thing he never told me about it.

SPEAKER_06 1:04:55

And like Does the wife not like you?

SPEAKER_02 1:04:58

Uh the wife doesn't like anybody. Uh uh caused the riff in my family.

SPEAKER_06 1:05:05

She caused a riff in your family?

SPEAKER_02 1:05:07

Yeah. Uh it's why my brother sold the house that my dad built in the 80s that my brother lived in, which was basically on the farm and just like up and left.

SPEAKER_06 1:05:19

Wait, so if it was on the farm, how did he sell it?

SPEAKER_02 1:05:21

Because it was like the way the farm is off of the farm property. Off of the farm property, but also on it.

SPEAKER_06 1:05:29

No, it's either off it or on it.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:30

There's like not on all sides. So like, so hold on. This is the farm. Okay. There's a little lot right here.

SPEAKER_06 1:05:38

And is that included in the property or no?

SPEAKER_02 1:05:41

It's its own entity.

SPEAKER_06 1:05:44

What the fuck did you just say to me?

SPEAKER_02 1:05:46

It's its own entity.

SPEAKER_06 1:05:47

Okay. You kind you kind of drug that all together.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:52

Um, but no. Sad situation, bullshit situation. My family is fucking garbage.

SPEAKER_06 1:05:59

So wait, do your dad and your brother not get along?

SPEAKER_02 1:06:02

They haven't talked in like three years.

SPEAKER_06 1:06:03

My Is it because he sold the house that they don't talk?

SPEAKER_02 1:06:06

No, no, no. It was before that. Um, so long story short, there was an issue between my mom and your birth mom? No.

SPEAKER_06 1:06:19

Oh, stepmom.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:20

Yes. Okay. Who talked to me? Um Thanks. I call her my mom. Um That's fine. But uh a riff between her and the wife, and they kept trying to, I don't know, sort it out or whatever. And then uh I don't know, one day my dad went up to my brother's house because it's right there at the farm, and was like, you know, does she want to talk or not? And she was like, or my dad was or my brother was like, Well, I don't know. She's not here.

SPEAKER_06 1:06:56

And uh Is that how your brother fucking talks? No, like in slow motion.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:01

Uh kind of slow motion, but I have a brother that talks in slow motion.

SPEAKER_06 1:07:05

It's okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:06

I don't know. I don't I don't really remember his voice now. I kind of blocked it all out.

SPEAKER_06 1:07:10

I thought you saw him for hibachi.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:11

No, no, no, that was a different brother.

SPEAKER_06 1:07:13

How many brothers do you have? Uh this should not take this long to answer. I feel like you should.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:24

So I don't have any fool brothers, right?

SPEAKER_06 1:07:26

No, they're still your fucking brothers if they're half or whatever. So just tell me the number.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:31

Five. One's dead, two are steps, the other two are halves.

SPEAKER_06 1:07:35

Rip. Um do you did you know the dead one?

SPEAKER_02 1:07:38

No, he was the firstborn of the Sesams. Oh yeah, he was born, he was born with half a heart. No, actually, he was a second born. Lori, my sister came first. Then it was Josh. Yeah, I have a sister.

SPEAKER_06 1:07:51

What the fuck? Yeah, I've known you for 37 years and don't even know your family dynamic other than Big Cookie.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:58

Yeah. Big cookie and princess.

SPEAKER_06 1:08:03

No, it's real. I hate that.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:06

Um, but uh yeah, no, so my sister was born first. She is like 40 something years old.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:14

So basically your age.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:16

I am 31. Um my sister is 14 years older than me, because there's a gap between there's a seven-year gap between my brother and my sister.

SPEAKER_06 1:08:32

So Rip.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:35

Well no, that brother's alive.

SPEAKER_06 1:08:36

No, no, no, the original.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:38

Oh yeah, the original one. Uh I don't Yeah, he was born with half a heart and he died a week before his second birthday. His name was Josh. Um and then there was my other brother that was who's seven years older than me, and he is the one that married the chick and moved away and whatnot, sold the house. And that's from that's all on my dad's side. On my birth mother's side, I've got um one brother who's in his forties, who is uh been trying to be an actor for a decade.

SPEAKER_06 1:09:21

This is the one I know about.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:23

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

SPEAKER_06 1:09:24

Wants to, you know, put you in a movie and whatnot. Yes, yes, yes.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:29

Yeah, big thing is coming.

SPEAKER_06 1:09:30

Yup. I yep. And then uh can't wait to stream it.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:37

That's right. And then Amazon. And then Princess, uh she had two sons. And uh, so those are my stepbrothers, and one of those actually ended up being my uh wrestling coach in high school.

unknown 1:09:52

Yeah.

Weddings, Speeches, And Don’t Fall Asleep

SPEAKER_02 1:09:54

Yeah. But uh yeah, so that that's my fam. Uh it's been uh I'm the only son that talks to uh my parents. Actually, not not just the only son, the only the only child.

SPEAKER_06 1:10:16

Okay, it happens.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:18

Yeah, no, it's it's dumb. My stepbrothers don't talk to my stepmom. Uh my brother doesn't talk to my dad or her, and my sister doesn't talk to my dad or her. And uh Chris, he's not related to my dad, but he still calls him pop.

SPEAKER_06 1:10:37

I feel like I remember hearing about that. I feel like I remember a story about Hey Pop, how are you doing?

SPEAKER_02 1:10:48

Who the fuck are you?

SPEAKER_06 1:10:49

I mean, no, you can't even be mad at him because you in a group chat literally told my dad that you love him. Like, love you, dad. And they're like, oh, you're not my dad.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:59

Okay, I was mistaken.

SPEAKER_06 1:11:03

You thought that I put us in a group chat with your father. How would I get your father's number?

SPEAKER_02 1:11:07

Oh, no, no, no, no. I thought I was texting my dad back.

SPEAKER_06 1:11:11

In a group chat.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:12

I didn't know it was a group chat.

SPEAKER_06 1:11:15

It tells you at the top.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:16

I wasn't looking at the top, I was just looking at the message. And I thought I was replying to my dad.

SPEAKER_06 1:11:22

It was my dad.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:23

Love you too, dad.

SPEAKER_06 1:11:25

It was my father telling me that he loved me.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:28

Yeah, so basically, I have a really big family now.

SPEAKER_06 1:11:33

Okay, I have a big family too that I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:38

I can't wait for uh Father's Day so I can tell your dad happy Father's Day.

unknown 1:11:43

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:44

Since I already told him that I loved him.

SPEAKER_06 1:11:46

Well, you are still in the group chat with that, so go for it.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:50

Happy Father's Day. Thanks for being a great dad.

SPEAKER_06 1:11:53

He's pretty great.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:11:56

If you ever need something built, he's really good at woodworking.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:58

Hell yeah. You know who else is good at woodworking. Weepy.

SPEAKER_06 1:12:09

We don't speak of that even. No, sir.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:14

I mean, uh every piece of art that he creates comes with its own complimentary tickle fight.

SPEAKER_06 1:12:22

Disgusting. Actually disgusting.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:28

I'm so happy for her.

SPEAKER_06 1:12:31

She's married.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:32

Yeah, no, I'm happy that still married. Yeah, no, I'm just happy that, you know, she doesn't have to endure.

SPEAKER_06 1:12:40

I'm so mad that you spent so long not eating my cooking, but you ate fucking beef tartar.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:47

I first of all.

SPEAKER_06 1:12:48

That this may I am like mushed up, probably with the rabbit's feet or something. I don't know. And you literally ate that, but I'm out here making like pot roasts and stuff. And you're like, meh, I'm good.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:01

No, no, that's not how any of this happened.

SPEAKER_06 1:13:03

That is it. We would literally ask you every single time. Are you gonna eat dinner with us? No. No. No. All right, so and then go to Taco Bell.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:16

Yeah, because I I wanted you guys to save your money and not have to worry about feeding me. So I'm gonna eat like three portions. Right?

SPEAKER_05 1:13:26

So it's fine.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:28

I handle my a handle my own. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_05 1:13:31

You didn't have to do that, and I didn't like how that sounded.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:34

Handle my own, and then um Yeah, the dude fucking made beef tartare, and I was like, you know what? I have never tried a beef tartare.

SPEAKER_06 1:13:43

I would not try beef tartare out of someone's kitchen like that. Like, take me to like a Michelin star.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:52

Yeah. Uh we talked we talked about Michelin stars last time, and I've got some Michelin's on my vehicles.

SPEAKER_06 1:13:58

I don't even know why you have two vehicles.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:01

Well, I've got the truck.

SPEAKER_06 1:14:03

Just get rid of the car.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:04

I don't want to get rid of the car.

SPEAKER_06 1:14:05

What are you gonna do with it?

SPEAKER_02 1:14:06

I'm gonna save the car.

SPEAKER_06 1:14:07

For what? Um I guarantee this is not a good answer.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:12

I bet it is. Uh DoorDash.

SPEAKER_06 1:14:15

You don't door dash. You literally, and I quote loosely, I haven't door-dashed in a year.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:14:24

Um You're literally scared to leave your home and you're scared to be in your home. So, like, you're not gonna door dash.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:32

You are fine. No.

SPEAKER_06 1:14:33

You have a haunted chair. You have a fucking demon mushroom sprouting in the kitchen. It's you are going to cause the lost of us. Right? The lost of us. The last of us. The lost of us. The last of us. You're gonna cause that to happen. That's your kid.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:54

No.

SPEAKER_06 1:14:54

It is. The spores are gonna take over, and you're gonna be patient zero. We're gonna come over to do like a wellness check one day, and you're gonna buzz us in without saying any words, and they're just like this is a good story.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:09

We should make this into like a TV show on like we don't even have to make it into a T.

SPEAKER_06 1:15:14

It's gonna happen. And your home cameras are gonna document it so we can actually just submit the real footage.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:20

Right, it'll be like found a found footage horror.

SPEAKER_06 1:15:23

Yeah, but this time it'll be real. Oh, that's great. Instead of them just pretending it's found footage. Right. Adding that filter on it, like filmed in 1983.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:34

I hate those shits.

SPEAKER_06 1:15:36

Um this is based on a true story, and then you look it up and they're like, it's not. They lied.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:41

Fucking lying, sons of bitches.

SPEAKER_06 1:15:44

They love to do that with the spooky movie. But you don't watch spooky movies. You're kind of a baby bat bitch when it comes to that.

Mold, Moving, And Cat Politics

SPEAKER_02 1:15:51

No, um, now if I remember correctly, uh, I can't remember the premise of the live action. Uh, I believe it came out in 2002. If you say Scooby-Doo, I kill yourself. But I don't believe Oh my god, that's not a scary movie.

SPEAKER_06 1:16:08

That Scooby-Doo my three-year-old watches scarier things than Scooby-Doo.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:14

I don't believe that was found footage.

SPEAKER_06 1:16:19

It doesn't count as a scary movie.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:21

But uh I do in fact love Scooby-Doo.

SPEAKER_06 1:16:26

Just say that you're a pussy, it's fine.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:27

No, no, no, it's not about that.

SPEAKER_06 1:16:29

Then why won't you watch scary movies? Um because they scare you?

SPEAKER_02 1:16:33

No.

SPEAKER_06 1:16:33

That's the fucking point, Winston. No, you already don't feel safe at home. Just make it worse.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:40

Right. Fuck it.

SPEAKER_06 1:16:42

And you're still just gonna fall asleep, so it doesn't matter.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:46

Oh, but then I have a lucid dream and I think that it's real, I'm gonna like end up killing myself in my sleep.

SPEAKER_06 1:16:51

You probably won't, because you already die in your sleep every time you sleep. So I think you'll be okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:00

I don't think so.

SPEAKER_06 1:17:01

Your guardian cat angel will save you. You'll be fine.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:04

That's right. Slurpee will, in fact, save my life.

SPEAKER_06 1:17:08

You should have her as a guest on the podcast.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:10

I thought about it, but she'll probably just like take a shit or something up here.

SPEAKER_06 1:17:14

Why would she shit on the island, the living room island?

SPEAKER_02 1:17:20

Well, it's normally the kitchen island. Um but uh no, she uh I think she got it into a shrimp uh from the other night and took a shit in front of my bedroom door.

SPEAKER_06 1:17:35

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:17:39

Good for her.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:40

I don't think her tummy was feeling good.

SPEAKER_06 1:17:42

She was actually just telling you that she hates you. That was her way.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:46

Right.

SPEAKER_06 1:17:48

I'm actually sick of this, my guy.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:51

Um yeah, I thought like maybe she needs a friend. A cat friend.

SPEAKER_06 1:17:59

You're thinking about getting another cat?

SPEAKER_02 1:18:01

I don't know. It's been I don't want to because I'm more of a single cat dad, you know what I'm saying? And I think that, you know, she just needs all of my love and attention versus me having to split between two cats.

SPEAKER_06 1:18:17

You don't really split it between two. One likes attention more than the other, guaranteed that it's not an even split ever.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:24

Yeah, but I also like where mine slurpy's relationship is right now, and I just don't want that to change.

SPEAKER_05 1:18:30

I probably won't.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:32

Yeah. Or she might just get pissed off and just be like, why is there another fucking cat in here and then just start pissing on everything?

SPEAKER_06 1:18:39

Yeah, they get used to it.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:41

You run that risk, and I'm not trying to do that. Ruthie would be upset.

SPEAKER_06 1:18:48

I think Ruthie has bigger issues to worry about with these apartments.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:18:55

I'm gonna be honest. Like maybe the mold.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:18:59

The mold is pretty bad when you walk into the building.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:03

You know, they didn't even offer to like look into the wall where all that water was dripping for like six months.

SPEAKER_06 1:19:09

And they never will.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:10

Yeah, they never will.

SPEAKER_06 1:19:12

And guess what? At some point you'll move out of here and someone new will move in, and they'll never tell them that there was water damage anywhere.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:20

Yeah. So I don't know. I don't know if I'm gonna stay here for when the lease ends or not, or if I'm gonna look into getting a house, but I might end up looking for a house.

SPEAKER_06 1:19:33

Why don't you just move out by us because we're like your only friends?

SPEAKER_02 1:19:38

Uh because I like having a commute.

SPEAKER_06 1:19:40

We don't like commuting.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:42

No, no, no. I wasn't finished. I like having a commute.

SPEAKER_06 1:19:46

Do you like your work commute?

SPEAKER_02 1:19:47

Right, because what was it? I have to be at work at 6 30 every morning, right? Friday, I woke up at 6 05. 6 05.

SPEAKER_05 1:20:03

Go to sleep better. No, no, no.

SPEAKER_02 1:20:05

I just I went to bed at a normal time.

SPEAKER_05 1:20:07

I doubt that.

SPEAKER_02 1:20:08

But I woke up late.

SPEAKER_06 1:20:11

And you also just like don't wake up to your alarms because we literally stayed in an Airbnb with you. And yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:20:23

What happened?

SPEAKER_06 1:20:25

Alarms were happening.

SPEAKER_02 1:20:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:20:28

And you were not.

SPEAKER_02 1:20:30

I was not happening.

SPEAKER_06 1:20:31

No. You know what was happening? You're snoring.

SPEAKER_02 1:20:35

That's right, Hannah. My snores kept going and kept going. Eventually, I did wake up and turn those off.

SPEAKER_06 1:20:43

Just to snore some more.

SPEAKER_02 1:20:45

That's right. Just to snore some more. But no. Um.

SPEAKER_06 1:20:49

How inconsiderate of you.

SPEAKER_02 1:20:50

I know. I should have brought my own soundproofing.

SPEAKER_06 1:20:54

You should have brought your CPAP. Fucking idiot.

SPEAKER_02 1:20:59

Uh yeah. Yeah, I I thought about it, but I don't think you thought too hard about it.

SPEAKER_06 1:21:04

I no, I looked at it and I was like, uh So you didn't think about it too hard.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:08

No, I thought about it. I didn't. Because it's got its own case. I think it's not hard to do.

SPEAKER_06 1:21:13

Yeah, you literally just had to grab it.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:16

No, I had to empty out the water, pack it up.

SPEAKER_06 1:21:19

How difficult.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:20

Oh move the then I would have to move the mattress to get the plug.

Holy Water, Haunted Chairs, And Wrap-Up

SPEAKER_06 1:21:25

God forbid you keep breathing in your sleep. The horrors.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:31

You know, I thought maybe it just a night away would give me and my CPAP some much needed space.

SPEAKER_06 1:21:37

No, I think we all would have much rather heard the droning of the CPAP.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:41

Well, here's the thing, you can't even hear the CPAP.

SPEAKER_06 1:21:43

And you're snoring.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:44

The CPAP is actually really quiet. It's not like the old models. I remember my dad. My dad had one. Remember the old like uh computer monitors that were like big as fuck? Yeah. Shit was like, it felt like that equivalent. And it was just a big fucking boom, you know. I remember that shit being loud. That shit was but uh not this one.

SPEAKER_06 1:22:15

I feel like you're about to die while you made those noises.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:20

Yeah. Yeah, I was about to.

SPEAKER_06 1:22:22

Um I'm about you have sunglasses on now.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:25

Do you want a pair?

SPEAKER_06 1:22:26

No.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:27

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_06 1:22:28

Only losers wear sunglasses inside.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:30

That's right, and that's why I do this.

SPEAKER_06 1:22:32

Losers and drunk people. So which one are you?

SPEAKER_02 1:22:38

Uh can I be both?

SPEAKER_06 1:22:41

No. That's right. Wow.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:43

That's right.

SPEAKER_06 1:22:44

Gold star to you.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:45

Gold star to me. Um Damn, I was definitely going somewhere with that. I don't remember where that was.

SPEAKER_05 1:22:58

Because you're drunk.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:59

No, I'm not fucking drunk, Hannah.

SPEAKER_05 1:23:00

You literally just opened your third drink.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:03

I've also had like five shots. Yeah. So I'm not doing it.

SPEAKER_06 1:23:07

Your two drinks were a higher percentage.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:11

That's right, Hannah. Those Jack Daniels were 8% apiece as a tall boy. Disgusting. Well, they don't taste like Jack. You don't even taste it. It's Southern Peach.

SPEAKER_06 1:23:22

How much sugar's in those? You could have done that off mic. I didn't need that in my ears. I'm about to go home.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:36

Um I don't know.

SPEAKER_06 1:23:39

Um a lot, probably.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:41

Probably, but I know these Mountain Dews are zero sugar.

SPEAKER_06 1:23:45

Yeah, but whatever sweetener they use is still not great.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:50

I like them.

SPEAKER_05 1:23:53

I mean I didn't say for them.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:59

That's a good Mountain Dew right there. Oh man. Oh man. I hope uh everybody at home has been enjoying this episode.

SPEAKER_06 1:24:17

I want to be at home.

SPEAKER_02 1:24:19

Well, you know what, Hannah? Let me make a phone call and I can make that happen. I can get you out of here real quick.

SPEAKER_06 1:24:25

I can just get my car keys. I can get you out of here real quick, banana. I can just drive myself home.

SPEAKER_02 1:24:32

I don't know if you should drive yourself home. You have been drinking.

SPEAKER_06 1:24:36

I have not even finished this.

SPEAKER_02 1:24:40

Listen, I just want you to be I'm very responsible.

SPEAKER_06 1:24:44

Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 1:24:45

No, it's not just about being responsible. It's about being righteous and holy. Um, Sister Hannah, I just want you to be, you know, right on the right side.

SPEAKER_06 1:24:56

My birthday's coming up next month. I thought it already happened. No, no, no, no. Christmas.

SPEAKER_02 1:25:03

Your birthday isn't no, we just we just had your birthday.

SPEAKER_06 1:25:06

I am Jesus.

SPEAKER_02 1:25:08

Listen, no, no.

SPEAKER_06 1:25:10

No.

SPEAKER_02 1:25:12

I just want you to be uh right with Jesus. And I want you to uh I won't be.

SPEAKER_06 1:25:18

I literally have a demon living in my house. I'm good.

SPEAKER_02 1:25:21

And you know what? I will take it upon myself to get some holy water.

SPEAKER_06 1:25:26

You don't have to. It's fine.

SPEAKER_02 1:25:27

But I feel like I just want to test something. I want to splash her with it and see if she fizzes up.

SPEAKER_06 1:25:33

No, no, don't anger the demon. We're on pretty good terms.

SPEAKER_02 1:25:36

So the power of Christ compels you!

SPEAKER_06 1:25:41

Yes. You don't have to bring that into my home. It's okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:25:45

I just want to see if she starts to like burn.

SPEAKER_06 1:25:47

Maybe you should try that on your mushroom or your chair.

SPEAKER_02 1:25:51

Um listen. I don't think the mushroom's there anymore.

SPEAKER_06 1:25:56

Um those poor people are about to emerge.

SPEAKER_02 1:26:00

I think that lunchbox needs to be thrown in the trash now. Really? No, I'm gonna throw it away at some point. At some point. And uh, I don't know what I'm gonna do with the chair. But with all that being said, I think this has been a pretty decent episode. Sorry that your voice sounds like complete.

SPEAKER_06 1:26:27

Shit, that's fine.

SPEAKER_02 1:26:28

Shit, yeah. I'm getting real uh Aubrey Plaza vibes. So, I mean, that's that's a plus. She's pretty cool.

SPEAKER_06 1:26:38

Of her.

SPEAKER_02 1:26:39

Yeah, good for her.

SPEAKER_06 1:26:40

Um shout out Aubrey.

SPEAKER_02 1:26:42

Shout out Aubrey. Um I'd like to end the episode with a quote, and I want you to give us the quote for today.

SPEAKER_06 1:26:51

The quote is Winston, fuck off.

SPEAKER_02 1:26:57

You heard that everybody. Winston, fuck off. Everybody have a great day, a great week. See you next time.

SPEAKER_01 1:27:22

Talking about another and all we can find win the keeping Justin. Okay, we can open up just something unfilled and if I've got the little bit of mystery, but no one is on from the kitchen table to the open and fail because they just don't give. So here's two the last one. It's like good, it's just too until that's good and it's not just a gold, and it's just on the field. They've got the chop. A little bit of mischief, but no one gets home from the kitchen table to the open. So here's to the left, here's to the bottom, it's a good button, it's just too much green. It's just With you now, but we'll be back. Oh it's just talking on the filter. Catch you down the road.