Instacart Meltdown

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Transcript

Cold Open And Catch-Up

SPEAKER_03 0:00

Welcome back to Just Talking Unfiltered. Today wild story for it. Absolutely wild. You won't believe this.

Family Stories And Back-Hug Chaos

SPEAKER_00 0:10

What's up, everybody? Welcome to another episode of Just Talking Unfiltered. Fuck Instacart. Umstacart. Fuck Instacart. Um, but welcome to another installment of your favorite unrecognized podcast. Favorite unrecognized and unfiltered. That's right. Welcome back. Welcome back to yourself. Right, yeah. It feels like it's been forever since I've been in the saddle. Right. Or we've been in the saddle. Yeah, I know. Even though I live here, I I tend to not look at this wall or this table unless we're actually filming. Right, yeah. That makes sense. Yeah, I just you walk in here and you're like, no, thank you. Right. Not not right now. Yeah. I know I know you're calling. I know you're calling for me, but not right now. Right. Um, what's been up with you, bro? Why why haven't we done a podcast? Oh man. Um why haven't we done a podcast? I feel like because of your schedule, like there must be a bunch of stories. A bunch of stories. There, no. I mean, not a lot has been going on. I've just been better be fucking worse. Living, laughing, and loving. Just live, laugh, love. Live, laugh, love, baby. That's what we'd be doing out here at just talking unfiltered. Did you have to look at the flag to know that it's just talking unfiltered because it's been so long? No, I want to make sure there wasn't any cobwebs on it. And I think we're good. Careful it might fall over. There's some dust up there. No, it hasn't been that long. Um no, I had volleyball. Fridays got really hectic. You play volleyball? You you wear the shorts? Yeah, short shorts. And when I bend over, you see my moose knuckle. Oh. That's right. No, um, no, my oldest plays volleyball. Oh, okay. Aren't you the oldest? Out of your family? No. Obviously, my parents. Oh, okay. Yeah. So your parents, your your your parents play volleyball. Exactly. Okay. Now you get it. I'm glad we're tracking. Yeah. Um, how is that watching your dad play uh volleyball? Um I don't know. If I saw my dad play volleyball, I don't know what I'd think. Probably laugh. Probably laugh. Be like, that's not that's not hay. Right. That's not insurance or a cow. Right. Could you imagine him showing up in the short shorts with the headband on? I picture him in orange like this. Right. Just tank top, short shorts, yeah, boots. Right. But like ready to fuck people up though. Right. Like hyped. Right. Like my dad at like You think he'd jump high? I don't know. My dad's really fucking strong. Oh, that's not jumping. No, no. Strong in general. Like jumping takes strength. You think he's stronger than you? Yeah, my dad could probably beat me up. What? I think so still. Yeah. Nah. I don't know. Hit that hip. Old people's hips are fragile. Nah, bro. They are. Yeah, I mean, I mean one punch to the hip, it's going down, promise. Be hitting that life alert, baby. Right. Right. I've fallen and I can't get up. What happened? My son punched me in the hip. And when I dip, you dip, we dip. Right. Yeah, that would definitely be your cue to pack it up and go home. Well, you know, kind of already happened in the family. You punched him in the hip? No, no, no, no, no. Remember my the story with my stupid ass brother? Which one? Exactly. Well, no, not exactly. The one that lived at the farm. Oh, yeah, yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He punched your dad? No. The story is he was going in for a hug, but from behind. Well. That's not how hugs work. Exactly. And so my dad turned around and was like, he's going back to your house. And uh, yeah. Why'd you dad get so mad about the backwards hug? Because I don't play like that. I ain't gate. Where we don't do nut the butt in this house. Right. We do not the nut. No, there was some other shit leading up to this. But uh so this dude was arguing with your dad, and then was like, let me give you a hug from the back. Come in, play, boy. Like, get the fuck off me. He had to go home. Was he drunk? Uh not that I'm aware of. Oh, that's a hug from the back is. Here's how you know a family situation is bad before like I watched somebody hug you from the back once. Cowboy? Jesus fucking Christ. I knew you were about to go there.

SPEAKER_01 5:03

No, you didn't.

Absurd Intro Bit And Theme Rap

SPEAKER_00 5:04

Here's here's how you know a family situation is fucked up. Right. It's when you're living all the way in Virginia and you're getting people messaging you telling you what their side of the story is before you even knew something happened. Right. That's how I knew, like, all right, y'all fucked up. I ignore it. Dude, they were trying to rope me into that shit and from a country mile. Literally, yeah. And trying to get me uh to like disown my dad and shit. Almost did it. Dude, for a while, I didn't know what the fuck was going on. But then I was like, go back and get brainwashed again. I was like, I was like, fuck that. That's my dad. Yeah. So yeah, family fighting is fucking insane. I don't take sides. I just stay with everybody. You just fight everybody. Nah. Fuck you. I don't do that shit no more. I don't, I don't have to. Um I'm the I'm the uh I'm the chosen one in my family. Oh, wow. Everybody loves me. The chosen one. Yeah. All right. Everybody loves me. Just like at work. Ask Rock. He'll tell you. Of course. This motherfucker, dude. Hey, you know, kind of kind of same thing. Um my sister sent out this bitch ass of an email and called me the golden child. All right, get it in. Play boy. Right. Fuck you. I'm the Joel's man. Lori. Is that her name? Yeah. Oh shit. That's her name, yeah. Look at you. Oh, yeah. Remembering shit. Hell yeah. Wow. Cheers to that. Cheers. You thought I was gonna drink on my drink, didn't you? I need some of this uh hydration. Right. But um, yeah, speaking of fights and everything, uh my most recent fight and contender has been Instacart. Hold on, before you get started, I want to start the episode with a Oh yeah, yeah. Let's let's start it properly. You know what? How dare I? How dare you? It's been you know what? It's been so long that you thought you could just talk to me. Bro, you know what? Yeah, it's just been so long. I just thought we were just yeah, I forgot there was a structure. Right. Yeah. Is that do men gab no? It doesn't matter. Goose a gabbin. Alright, you ready? Let's start the show. You live in a pineapple under the sea, or no, or no?

SPEAKER_01 7:33

Do you want a crabby patty?

SPEAKER_00 7:41

What the actual fuck that I just want.

SPEAKER_03 7:46

Oh my god. Yo, it's winst and then Ryan, the unfiltered crew. Fat bearded legends with the pigeons for you. Exercise laps, no filter, no cap, or drink, take a sneak, we just talk and rap. Winston in the corner with the whiskey in his fist, Ryan yelling loud. Every topic gets pissed. Beard's so thick, take it smuggle the birds, get voices boomin' harder than the 12 minutes of kick, grabbing a low star. We ain't a light. Welcome to the show, it's a bar fight tonight. Just talking cups of the no rules, coach. Two fat boys taking over the gap. Texas team, Texas Prabhupada. It's whiskey, fine, raw, keep it tight. Just talking to the no rules, coach A. Fat boys taking over the gap. Texas team, Texas beats, grab a mic and ignite. It's whiskey and fine, keep it raw, keep it tight. Right got the volume of a megaphone riot. Winston got the booze, but it's liver stay quiet. Topics jump wild like a bull in the shoe. From brisket to politics, no subjects move. Barbecue stains on a microphone grip.

SPEAKER_00 8:50

Do you live in a pineapple under the sea? Or no? Or nah. Or no. Do you want a crappy patty? Or nah or nah? So that was insane. Um yeah. I just like to start it with something that doesn't make any sense at all. You know what that clip reminds me of? It may be the same person. I don't know. I'd have to do a little bit of research. Do you remember that clip that ran that went around of the chick that had like the car's head? She was like lightning McQueen. Oh, dude. It was insane. Uh like she just had her her her mouth was like the bumper, and she like did everything else. And like what if she dated the dude from the last episode? I was in love with this car. I'm not gay no more.

SPEAKER_03 9:38

I've been delivered.

The Instacart Pickup Saga Begins

Support Chat Loops And Mixed Messages

Delivery To Aldi And Canceled Order Shock

SPEAKER_00 9:41

But like what made the clip even creepier was like the only sound effect, it had nothing to do with cars. It was just like a like a car like beep, beep, and she was just like beep, beep. Yeah, dude, it's fucking weird. Um, so that costume may be like the same thing. Yeah, it's definitely the same vibe for sure. Oh yeah. Oh yeah, for sure. The way this motherfucker was moving its knees though was fucking hilarious. That shit was insane. Yeah. So uh what? Yeah, where they're fighting with the carts of Insta? Yes, I've been fighting with the carts of Insta. The Insta carts, if you will. Instagram's cousin. So, yeah. Yeah. I tried to post a picture of my dick, and they were like, whoa, this is a grocery store. Right. Uh now, so I've been doing my grocery runs at Aldi here recently. Yeah. A lot, a lot, a lot cheaper. Um it's been saving a buck or two versus going to Harris Teeter. Right. And normally I just do it through Instacart because if you do like a pickup order, it knocks off like$1.99 off your total. Right. And I fucking tell them I'm on my way and I fucking pull into the parking lot. There's nobody ever in the pickup spots. I park there, and before I'm eat before I even stop the truck, they're already coming out with my shit. Oh yeah. I'm literally, because I've done it multiple times, I'm literally in the parking lot less than 30 seconds. They put the two bags in the back, tell them I have a nice day, and I fucking go off. And I fight them. No, I'm just kidding. Go off one day. Right, go off. Fuck you for this good service. Right. Thank you, bitch. Right. Um so anyway, Saturday, I placing a pickup order, and I got to doing some side hustling shit, and I uh ended up missing the pickup time, and I was like, all right, fuck it, I'll just get it Sunday, which was the next day. And when I went there, I walked Instacart said, like, uh, hey, there's an issue with your pickup. We can't bring it out of your vehicle, you gotta go inside. So I went inside and I was like, hi, hello. How you met me? Right. We're gonna PTS goddamn day. Um, but no, I was like, hey, you know, I put an Instacart pickup order in, I'm just here to grab my shit. And they said, Oh, uh here at Aldi, if you don't pick it up on the same day of your pickup, then we put it back on the shelf. Right. And I said, Okay, cool. So can I just shop for it myself? And I already paid for it. Right. So I contacted uh Instacart and I was like, hey, here's the deal, blah, blah, blah. Let me just go through some of these messages real quick that I have. Go for it. Um are you still available to chat? Yes. I've gotten that message before. Um let's see. Placed an order yesterday. I went to pick it up today, and they said that everything was back on the shelves. So I need to cancel the order because the money has already been taken out of my account. Um I was told that the previous shopper was unassigned during the ready for pickup stage due to the shopper having an emergency. And because of that, the previous shopper could not complete your order. But the new shopper will be assigned, and the shopper will deliver the order. So does so how does this shit work? Do the people that work in the store not shop for it? No, they do. Okay. Yeah. So then they bring it to your house? So all of this shit all of this shit by somebody by the name of Monaj? M-A-N-O-J. Nikki. Right. Is what I can tell is a lie. I said, uh. So remember, he said the shopper will deliver the order. I said it was a pickup order, not a delivery. He said, yes, correct. The order is a pickup order. The previous shopper was unassigned during the ready for pickup stage due to an emergency, and because of that, uh, the previous shopper could not complete the order. The new shopper will be assigned, and the shopper will make your order ready for pickup. There we go. Now, when was this? This is last night. Okay. So remember, I've already talked to Aldi, and Aldi said, Oh, yeah, we remember your order, we just put it back on the shelf because you that's what we do. Right. So all this shit from Instacart is fucking bullshit. So I responded, I said, okay, because I stopped by Aldi and they told me that if a pickup order isn't picked up on the same day, or is put back on the shelves. I said, so as of now, my order will be ready tomorrow at Audi. And he asked me, we went through some rescheduling processes, and he said basically, like, what time do you want to pick it up? I said, I get off work at 3, so I said, do a slot from 3 p.m. to 4 p.m. pickup. Right. He said, I have successfully rescheduled your order to 3 and to 4 p.m. The new delivery information should appear on your order page in both the app and the website. I didn't feel like going back and forth with delivery or pickup. So I said, he said, is there anything else I can help you with? I said, nah. So fast forward to today, I I get off work at 3. Right. I look in the app and nothing's changed. And um I contact support and I'm like, hey, what's up with my pickup order? And they tell me, like, oh, rest assured, we will assign a shopper. By now it's like 3 15. And they're like, we will assign a shopper. Were they actually saying rest assured? Yeah. I would not rest assured. I was not rested and I was not assured. Right. Um, so they were like, hey, like, you know, we're gonna have a shopper and your order will be ready for pickup by 4 p.m. So 440 rolls around, and I'm like, hmm, my order's still not ready for pickup. Let me contact support. So I contact support, let them know the situation, and they said, as I checked, the order will be delivered within the estimated delivery window. Now, mind you, again, this is a fucking pickup order. I said, so now the order is a delivery. And they said, upon my checking, the order will be delivered by 11.03 a.m. Tomorrow? Eastern Standard Time. I responded with tomorrow question mark. All right, good question. Good question, good question, good question. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Uh they responded with, let me check that. May I place you on hold for a brief one or two minutes? I responded, okay. Upon my checking, the order will be delivered by 11.03 a.m. tomorrow. That doesn't work for me, obviously, because I work. Right. And so I said, What's the delivery address? And they said the delivery address is 1600 East Little Creek Road, Norfolk, Virginia. I don't live at 1600 East Little Creek Road. But you want to know who does? Do you want to know? I want to know. The resident at 1600 East Little Creek Road is Aldi. So they're gonna they're gonna pick it up, put it in their car, and deliver it to Aldi. And then Aldi's gonna put it back on the show. What the fuck is this shit? What the fuck just happened? Thought we just got this out. Now here's the this part's crazy. So I said, um, what's the delivery address? They said 1600. I said, that's the address to Aldi. And they responded, yes. I said, oh no, now this is Singram. I said, so my order is being delivered to the Aldi. They responded with the order is placed on Aldi on February 28th, 2026. You should have called them. I said, you're making no sense at all. Oh, you said that? Yeah. Good job. And here this part is what's crazy. So like we were just talking about my active order. He's telling me that the order is gonna be delivered and all this stuff. So there is an active order. So I say, You're making no sense at all. He says, Upon checking, the order has been canceled from your end. What? What? Right. I said, I never cancel the order. What is happening? I've already paid for this order. And he said, I see that the order is canceled from your end. I said, what the fuck? I never canceled the order. He said, as I checked, the order has been canceled from your end. Please place a new order and you will receive the new order. So Did you get your money back? I haven't yet. You got hustled by Instacart. Bro, so there is a refund in progress, which is probably gonna take three days. You can't eat. I mean, I got food and shit, like, but like still No, that's not the point. Right, though I ha the way I am right now is how I was when I was talking to them.

unknown 20:18

Right.

SPEAKER_00 20:19

Speechless. Right. How the fuck are you this dumb? I bet you grocery shop on your own from now on. God damn right. You try to save two dollars. But here but here but here's the thing. I paid for a fucking um subscription. Annual membership. Oh I I got that. As uh I'm gonna go a little deeper. So she usually likes that. I give him what I can. Um you never eat pussy from the back. Oh yeah, you get a little ass in there too. My favorite. Oh yeah. Suck on the gooch a little bit. God damn it, now I'm horny. Don't do that. I like not with you, not with not with you. But like I'm just like, man, I really wish like I had somebody I could fuck with. Anyway. Wonder why not? Right, why not? Such an old crack ass up. Right, old screen ass looking ass. Let me go swing from the ceiling. All right, old goddamn fucking ass. Old goddamn long face bitch. It's crazy that like when you set a standard for yourself and the person doesn't meet that standard, and you're like, hey, you don't meet that standard that I have for myself. You're kind of below that shit. They're like, but also I've noticed that you meet a lot of people, like you personally meet a lot of people that act. They they they they do things that hot people do, and they're not hot. You know what I'm saying? Right. They're holding themselves to that higher standard. Right. Like they don't. Dude, I look at myself in the mirror, I'm like, I'm fat. I know what I am. Yeah. Solid six. Whatever. Yeah, maybe. Um thank you. Um regardless of- I don't know, dude. Like I'm one. Eight dog. Eight. But I was gonna say, like, regardless, um regardless or irregardless. Whatever. Alright. That'll be a different like we'll we'll branch off into a different topic. Um but regardless, those fucking people, I don't even remember what I was saying. They hold themselves to like such a high standard and they're just Ugly. They're just not. Yeah. I know what I am. I'm cool with it. Right. I ain't got no qualms about it. Um there things I can do to make myself higher on that standard list? Yeah. Cologne. Oh my god. Dress nice. Well, yeah. I was gonna say lose weight, but yeah. But yeah, sometimes but sometimes you can take what you have and present that. Oh yeah. I mean elegantly, you know. I'd be doing that when somebody at the right standard fucking presents themselves. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02 23:16

Yeah.

Membership Runaround And Peacock Perks

Standards, Dating, And Self-Awareness Tangent

SPEAKER_00 23:17

But um, yeah, if you're not at that standard, you don't get what you get. Right. So Back to Instacart. Back to Instacart. So I paid for this fucking um annual membership just like a couple days ago. Last week, sometime. And they were running this deal where you can get the annual membership for$49 instead of the$100. Right. And I was like, fuck it. I and I was like, fuck it, I wanna cancel this shit and I wanna refund. And so when I uh what's his name? I'm not gonna try to pronounce it again. But they they transferred me to uh a person named Annie. And they said, uh Wow. Hello Winston. What a lucky customer you are. I don't fucking feel like it. Right. I don't fucking feel like it. Annie's like, what a lucky customer. Um I noticed that like you got our$99 annual membership deal for$49. That wow, congratulations. I was like, yeah, can I cancel and get a refund? And they're like, do you know that like you got a 50% discount on the annual membership? I said, I know all this. And they said, I was just making sure you were aware of all of the services and values you were getting with this offer. You're getting zero delivery fees on eligible orders of ten dollars or more on grocery or retail orders to receive free delivery from Costco customers. Uh Costco customers must place an order of$35 or more, but you're still getting zero dollars on delivery. Uh 6-7. Right. Instacart offers Peacock streaming at no additional cost the option to share your Instacart plus membership with three other people through your family account. Unlock a year of culinary inspiration, save twenty dollars a year. Save twenty dollars per year compared to monthly membership. Right. And I said, Will I get a refund or not? Right. Like quit trying to sell me on what I already know I paid for. Right. And basically she said, no. No. Because uh Yeah, but for the year though? I guess I have Instagram for the year, so I guess I'll be paying. And Peacock. Yeah, I gotta look into that because now I want to know. Because I'd be paying for Peacock. Right. If it's the basic one with the ads, I'm gonna cancel that shit. Or I'll just pay what I'm already paying. Right. Yeah, I'm the same way. I can't do ads. Yeah. You ever see commercials on regular like if you're watching like a game or something and there's a commercial, you're like, the fuck is this? Right. Why can't I skip you? Right. So basically I said, uh I sent a really mean message at the end of this. We said I sent a mean one? Yeah. We called her Lori. Thanks, Lori. Dad still loves you. Right. Um you hugged her from the back. Remember? Yeah. Somebody hugged your dad from the back. If I ever meet your dad, that's the only way I'm gonna hug him. Turn around, big guy. Jesus Christ. Right. Um this has been terrible. Thank you. Right. And then I logged off. Good job, man. We did not crash out too bad. Yeah, no, it wasn't too bad. It wasn't like JG Wentworth when I went on a Taco Bell. Tell that story. You know what? Maybe another time. Maybe another time. Um I'm always dying in your uh in your own. Oh, I swear. Right. Well. Unfortunately, this week we had to do a short one. Yeah. But at least we gotta hear about Instacart. I mean, hopefully you guys enjoyed the Instacart story. I mean You know. I bet you the name of the title's gonna be Instacart. That's it. No, I thought there was more. No. Dude, no, like really upset about it. Like I can have more groceries in my fridge right now.

SPEAKER_02 28:09

Yeah.

Refund Limbo And Subscription Fatigue

SPEAKER_00 28:09

And I can't. They done uh they done fucked up. And now I gotta fucking wait. I gotta wait for my re I mean, I can I can buy the groceries again, but I want that refund. Right. And here's what's gonna happen. That refund is gonna happen, and I'm gonna forget to freeze my card and other dumb shit that I forgot to cancel wasn't gonna is gonna get paid. Right. I fuck I I hate the world we live in. Yeah. With all these subscriptions and shit. Yeah. We fuck ourselves, everybody. Everything's a fucking subscription. Yep. So with that being said, if you guys would like to subscribe to see more of this episode, uh we're offering annual memberships at uh$100 per year, and you get to see But if you're a lucky customer. But if you're a lucky customer, and we'll decide who the lucky customer is, um you'll get it for fifty dollars, but you get to see behind the scenes action of the shit we do, um, some other uh longer topic things where we go into topics longer than what we were before. There's no annual membership. Yeah, there's no subscription. You got a quote? Um, if you subscribe, be sure you want to abide.

Short Wrap And Faux CTA Gag

SPEAKER_02 29:45

Well we've been rambling, sharing our minds, talking about nothing, and all we can find. Winston and Brian, they're keeping it real. Just two little voice with plenty of spill pull up a chair, next time. Same old voice is a pretty It's just until too free. It's just all the sleep on the top still enough it's down the road They've got the black They've got the chalk A little bit of mystery, but no one gets on From the kitchen table to the open if they'll free Cause they just don't care to the last it's too fun, it's like goodbye, it's just too much it's all unfiltered and free just to be down with the big bag Oh it's just all the filter down the road They've got the lantern, they've got the chalk, a little bit of mischief, but no one gets home From the kitchen table to the open in the free Cause they just don't care So here's to the laugh here to the fun say goodbyes just to free stuff We're gonna get that with down the road