Welcome And Why Words Matter

Barkef 0:35

My name is Bar Kefo Segan. If you're our guest, a very special welcome to you. So delighted that you're here with us this morning. I'm one of the pastors here at Kapel Bible. You know, we're in a passage now in the book of Ephesians. We're in chapter 4. We're going to look at four verses, 29 through 32. I've entitled this message Wonderful Words. Someone reminded me that probably I should have entitled this message, Mama Don't Like Ugly. In fact, in Ephesians, I'm sorry, in 1 Thessalonians chapter 2, here's what the message says. We weren't aloof with you, the apostle Paul says. We took you just as you were. We were never patronizing, never condescending, but we cared for you the way a mother cares for her children. I just thought as I come to this whole section about let no unwholesome word proceed out of your mouth, I can imagine, you might remember this. I'm from a family of twelve children. Every now and then things got loud. I don't know if you knew that or not. And sometimes there'd be a fight, and somebody would say something really ugly. And my mother would need to step in and kind of give a little correction thereof. And she would remind us of how powerful our words are. In fact, uh Dr. Max Anders writes about this Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. Don't you believe it? Words are among the most powerful things on earth. The words of Hitler twisted men into human gargoyles, feeding their sordid side until that was all that was left of them. The words of Winston Churchill galvanized the British nation into a force that refused to fade in the face of the onslaught of the German military machine. The words of a mother have been known to challenge a child to achieve beyond his ability. The wrong words from a father have been known to crush a child's spirit. Words hurt and words heal. Words guide, words lead astray. Words build up, words tear down. Words are powerful. Now, if we remember the context of where we are, the Apostle Paul has already encouraged us of who we are in Christ. That the moment we place our faith, our trust in Christ alone as Savior, we were literally sealed by the Holy Spirit of promise. We were adopted into God's forever family. We were redeemed from the slave block, slavery to sin, purchased by the precious blood of the Lamb. We were truly forgiven. And now he comes to this whole section of how do we practically represent God well, not in our own strength, but in the strength that God provides by the power of the Holy Spirit living within. And we're told when we need to build up our faith that faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the very word concerning Christ. Words are powerful. And God's desire is that you and I would be those who use our words in such a way that we bless others, that we build them up rather than tear them down. That our words would be constructive and not destructive. And in four verses, he lays out some specificity of what it is we want to be careful of, is that sin principle still living within this earthly body tries to raise its ugly head. How often do we get caught off guard? Something happens that displeases us, and before you know it, words are in our head before they come out of our mouths. Here's what we're reading in Ephesians chapter 4, verses 29 through 32. Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification, according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear. Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice, be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.

SPEAKER_01 6:14

It seems so simple, and yet we find it so difficult.

Cut Rotten Talk, Give Grace

Barkef 6:21

In those heated moments of words being exchanged. I thought we might ask ourselves just a few questions concerning our words. And uh here's the first question I want to ask ourselves. What are my words doing to others? What are my words doing to others? Here we are in verse twenty nine. Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear. Now this word unwholesome is used to describe spoiled fish or rotten fruit. You know, uh when my precious bride cooks a big meal, we have lots of family in town, by the way. What fun. And uh if it's uh chicken and there's there's gonna be a lot of bones left over, you know, she reminds me, don't leave that inside overnight. You know what I'm saying? Like when it's in the garbage, I I know, I know garbage day isn't tomorrow, sweetheart, but don't leave this bag of garbage inside overnight. Have you ever done it? Have you ever left garbage in overnight and realize, ooh, I mean you wake up in the morning and think, where am I? This is the idea of something putrid. In fact, something destructive. What are my words doing to others? Sometimes the simple answer is uh silence. Just take a moment. You feel your temperature rising? Sometimes we just need to take a moment. You know the saying, if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. You know that. There's a couple of fun sayings about this whole idea of wait, let's just take a moment. If your mind should go blank, don't forget to turn off your mouth. You know what I'm saying? It's impossible for a worthwhile thought to enter your mind through an open mouth. Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of that fact. Tribute was once paid to a great linguist who had learned seven different languages and said the most important part is I learned how to be silent in all seven. Saving faith is often accomplished by keeping the lower part of it shut. A closed mouth gathers no feet. God's desire is that we would take a moment. In fact, in James 119, it says this, let everyone be quick to hear, slow to speak. Quick to hear, slow to speak. You know, sometimes when you find yourself in an argument of some kind, we forget that what we want to do first and foremost is seek to understand before pursuing being understood. Well, if we're going to seek to understand, we need to just zip it. Tick a lock, as they used to say. Just listen. Try to understand the other person's perspective before you rush to give your own. Here's what Proverbs 17.27 says a man of knowledge uses words with restraint. Proverbs 21.23 says, He who guards his mouth and his tongue guards his soul from troubles. And one of the scariest verses in all of the Bible for me is Proverbs 1019. Where there are many words, transgression is unavoidable. I'm prayed to talk. You know what I'm saying? Where there are many words, transgression is unavoidable. What are your words doing to others? We're not only told here in this simple verse to not let uh destructive words come out of our mouths. We're also encouraged to make sure we have constructive words. There's a time to be silent, and there's a time to speak up. And so it says the second half of verse 29, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear. Now, an edifice is a building. Edification is this idea you're going to build somebody up. How can I build you up? We uh for the first time in almost three years, I had all three of my sons together last night. And we were sitting in the backyard just visiting for about two and a half hours. And I can't tell you how encouraging it is for me to hear my sons encourage one another. Susie did a great job. Proverbs 2511 puts it this way like apples of gold in settings of silver is a word spoken in a right circumstance. You know, this this whole idea of giving grace to those who hear. I don't know how many of y'all ever run a marathon or a half marathon. I can only do a half. But I can remember at the end of that half sucking wind. You know what I mean? Really sucking wind, talking to my feet. You keep moving, you know what I'm saying? And I don't know if you've ever been to one of those uh races, and I'm not talking about a 5K. We're not talking about 5K. But you come to the end of a marathon or a half marathon, and what are they doing? They're playing chariots of fire. You remember all that? Suddenly you're buoyed up and you hear everybody's cheering you on, and suddenly your feet move without you instructing them to do so. I can't think of a better illustration of listen, here you are worn out, you're done, it's over. And all of a sudden, encouraging words come your way. How powerful. God's desire is that we would be those who would speak words of encouragement. Here's what Colossians 4, 6, how it puts it. Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person. I hate to say this, it doesn't happen automatically. Did you know that? Do you know we don't automatically speak words of encouragement? Did you know that? That's a habit that through the word of God we can instill, inculcate into our lives. The world loves the gotcha rather than let me encourage you. God's desire is that we would speak wonderful words. Because not only Mama, but God don't like ugly. We're asking ourselves just a few questions from these four verses. What

Your Words Expose Your Heart

Barkef 14:28

are my words doing to others? Here's the second one, and probably the most important one. What are my words revealing about my heart? What are my words revealing about my heart? When we find ourselves overflowing with foolishness coming out of our mouths, it's not really not about our tongue. It's about our heart. You catch yourself saying something, and then you think to yourself, did that just come out of my mouth? No, it just came out of your heart. That's the problem. Here's what it says, verses thirty and thirty-one. Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. And let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you along with all malice. A great theologian from millennia past, Justin Martyr, said this By examining the tongue of the patient, physicians find out the diseases of the body, and philosophers the diseases of the mind. You know, if you bump a glass with liquid in it, that liquid hits the floor. And suddenly you know what was inside, that glass. It's when we get bumped up against, when when things don't go exactly our way, that we find out where our hearts are. You know, when we go on our mission trips, we always tell everybody listen, there are three rules about being on a mission trip. Be flexible, be flexible, be flexible. Because when you go on a mission trip, you set aside time and you say, My life is yours, my calendar is yours, my watch is yours, what would you have me to do? That's when the evil one really turns it on. Because he doesn't want us to be effective in being those who are living out that life of loving one another, even as Christ has loved us, that we should love one another. He doesn't want us to give a witness as a community of believers as we go out into the world and we want to minister to others. What does he want? He wants us bickering, he wants us complaining. It's amazing how much trouble we have at the airport when we're well on our way out. Why? The issue is what are my words revealing about my heart? Jesus put it this way in Matthew 12, 34. Jesus said, The mouth speaks out of what the heart, what is filling the heart. In 15 verses uh eighteen and nineteen of Matthew, he says this, the things that proceed out of the mouth come from the heart, and those defile the man. For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, slanders. How's your heart? If you're having trouble at work with a a fellow employee or your boss or somebody who who you're the boss of, how's your heart? If you're having trouble in the classroom, how's your heart? If you're having trouble with family, how's your heart?

SPEAKER_01 18:22

Are you lighting the fire?

Barkef 18:26

Are you putting it out? God's desire is that we would represent him well. We've been indwelt by the Holy Spirit. We have the opportunity to actually represent him well. Here's how Proverbs 423 puts it. Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life. How's your life?

SPEAKER_01 18:54

Now he gives a long list.

Bitterness And Anger Under The Microscope

Barkef 18:58

In verse 30 and 31, he says, Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. And then he gives this list Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, slander be put away from you with all malice. This word, uh bitterness, let's translate it bitterness, is it's the idea of a spiteful heart attitude that keeps an account of wrong suffered. Bitterness. You ever met anybody who's bitter? You ever been around anybody who's bitter? And there's this is a fence that they're holding on to, and you can't hardly bump into them without them telling you about that. Do you have a story that keeps rehearsing itself in your heart and your mind? Check and see if there's some bitterness in there. There's something you just can't let go of. Might be a little bitterness in there. He goes on, he talks about wrath. This literally is the word for for heat, heating things up, your hot anger, it's very similar, it's almost synonymous. The idea is is that the two of them come together and say, You're a hot-headed individual. You're you're ready, ready to explode at any minute. Clamor refers to emotional shouting and screaming. Slander, literally, it's blasphema, it's speaking evil of others. Malice, the idea of ill will wishing and plotting evil against others. That's that's the old sin nature. That's not the new path we're on. That's the way things used to be. This isn't supposed to represent you and me anymore. We're supposed to be right representing Christ, and none of this is supposed to be in here. Ecclesiastes puts it this way the hearts of the sons of men are full of evil, and insanity is in their hearts throughout their lives. You ever feel insane? You ever met anybody? You say, This person is just off. There's something wrong with this person. Lahome magazine of of life reported that it did a survey of 100 divorce lawyers, in which these divorce lawyers were asked what is the major cause of divorce in American marriages? All 100 lawyers agreed that a breakdown in marital communication. was the leading cause of divorce.

SPEAKER_01 22:08

Are you seeking to understand before pursuing being understood? Are you letting bitterness take root in your life?

Barkef 22:25

What are my words revealing about my heart? We're encouraged by Paul in Romans chapter twelve, do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. Invariably if I'm going to do a wedding, in fact I am going to do one not too long from now, if the couple doesn't already ask me to do it, I'm going to read from 1 Corinthians chapter 13. And what I'll normally say to the congregation, because I don't do a wedding unless I've done premarital counseling or they've gotten premarital counseling, one or the other. And I know that I have a couple of believers on my hands. And then I'll read out for them these precious words about love in 1 Corinthians chapter 13. And after I read it out I will talk to the family and friends who have gathered and I say this always stops me in my tracks. Listen to what it says Love is patient. Love is kind and is not jealous. Love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly it does not seek its own, is not provoked. Love does not take into account a wrong suffered. Love does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things love never fails. Well I can assure you my name is not love because I fail all the time how is anybody going to live up to how's a young couple going to live up to such a thing? I can tell you they're not going to live up to such a thing without the indwelling power of the Holy Spirit. In your own humanness you are incapable because you're a fallen human being you are incapable of living out that description of love. By the way so am I there's only one way by God's gracious strength and power of the Holy Spirit living within. But then we have to choose to cooperate with the Holy Spirit living within nobody can live this out not on your own. The fruit of the spirit love joy peace patience kindness goodness faithfulness gentleness self-control nobody can live that out without the strength of the Holy Spirit. But we have the Holy Spirit those of us who place our faith our trust in Christ alone as Savior we're sealed by the Holy Spirit. What we have to get used to is hearing him and cooperating with him and we can it's his every desire that we would that's why it's so important that we understand the context of these instructions these instructions are for those whose desire is to represent Christ well who are already part of his forever family who have already been redeemed we've already placed our faith our trust in Christ alone as Savior and in so doing we are sealed and dwelled by the Holy Spirit of promise forevermore therefore we can in his strength live this out my words doing to others am I one who builds others up or tears others down? What are my words revealing about my heart? If I stepped off the path of representing him well have I become deaf to the Holy Spirit within God's desire is that we would be those operating in his strengths representing him well in community finally who needs to hear healing words who needs to hear healing words from me that's your final question.

Forgiveness That Sets You Free

Barkef 27:35

Be kind to one another tenderhearted forgiving each other just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. I love what Chuck Swindah says forgiveness for the Christian is a required course forgiveness is a required course. Dwight Moody puts it a little more picturesque forgiveness is not that type which says I will forgive but not forget it's not I'm going to bury the hatchet with the handle sticking out of the ground so that I can grasp it any minute I need to God's desire is that we would actually forgive in fact one author puts it this way life lived without forgiveness becomes a prison I wonder how many of us are in a prison of our own making I know most of us if not all of us are quite familiar with the Lord's prayer the prayer that he taught his disciples when they said Lord will you teach us how to pray our Father who art in heaven hallowed be thy name thy kingdom come thy will be done on earth as is in heaven give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our debts as we also have forgiven our debtors and do not lead us into temptation but deliver us from evil literally the evil one for thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever amen did you know he wasn't finished instructing them here's the next verse for if you forgive men for their transgressions your heavenly father will also forgive you but if you do not forgive men your father will not forgive your transgressions now this is a little quagmire we're in the middle of because we're told the moment we place our faith and trust in Christ alone as Savior we're forgiven for all of our sins past, present and future and yet Jesus is talking to his disciples the believers and they're saying teach us how to pray he says all right I'm going to teach you how to pray and then he says oh by the way if you don't forgive one another your heavenly father's not going to forgive you. Now what he's talking about is the temporal forgiveness in the here and the now he's not talking about your eternal forgiveness which is yours purchased through the precious blood of the Lamb but he's saying you will not enjoy your relationship with your heavenly father in the here and now if you refuse to forgive those who have offended you a prison of your own making listen we now those of us who are part of God's forever family through simple faith in Jesus Christ God's desire is that we would live an abundant life to the full not a life without trouble you're going to have troubles in this life Jesus was very clear about that. You're going to have conflict in this life Jesus was very clear about that. But you have an opportunity to live above the fray by walking well with your heavenly father. And that requires that you and I be ready to forgive others both inside the family of God and outside the family of God and when we do so we experience that life to the full that closeness with Heavenly Father that he desires for you and I to have I don't know about you but I've met too many miserable Christians too many.

Who Needs Healing Words From You

Barkef 32:06

Our desire at Kapel Bible is that we would help one another to grow up in our faith so that we would be those who live a life attractive to those around us from you I forgive you there was a time I had a room full of men and I asked the question have any of you ever heard your father say I'm sorry very very few men were able to raise their hands to hear from you I forgive you who needs to hear from you I'm sorry who needs to hear from you I'm proud of you I hope today you might think of someone and you might speak words that build up rather than tear down. Would you stand and pray with me