The Skeleton Key

Sarah is the kind of person who walks into a room like a ray of sunshine. Kind. Warm. The kind of person people trust immediately.

But sometimes the brightest light hides the darkest rooms.

For years, Sarah and other children lived through a nightmare no child should ever endure — sexual abuse at the hands of a teenage caregiver and trusted family friend. The kind of horror that hides in plain sight. The kind that survives because no one opens the door.

Now Sarah holds the Skeleton Key.

In this episode of Plot Twist: Still Alive, she unlocks the truth she carried for years and lets the skeletons fall out of the closet. With a strength and vulnerability that feels almost superhuman, Sarah speaks about surviving the unthinkable, navigating the scars left behind, and choosing to break the silence so the next survivor knows they are not alone.

Like the final survivor in every horror movie, Sarah made it through the nightmare.

And now she’s opening the door.

⚠️ WARNING: 18+ ONLY — contains dark humor, trauma, sexual abuse, may be triggering to some listeners.

Listen THIS THURSDAY on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or our website:

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:09

Platwist SIMALI. What's up, everybody? Welcome back to Plat Twist Still. I'm your host, three-time cancer survivor and chaos coordinator, Crystal with a K. Welcome back, bitches. We are officially on episode 19. So today we are going to be discussing something very traumatic, um, very difficult, and it may not be for everybody to listen, but I did bring back somebody extremely special. She is my ride or die, she truly is my sister. Blood in, blood out, all the way. Everybody say hello to Sarah. Hey, howdy. Howdy. How? Howdy, we're west texts. Yes. Sarah is an incredible human being. She is literally the kindest, sweetest. Stop, don't thumbs down. I'm gonna break that shit off and kick it around on the ground. She is one of the most incredible people. I truly mean that from the bottom of my heart. She is a ride or die. We really are like family. We trauma bond like a motherfucker. And you've been there through a lot of my things. This is something that you have gone through and we've talked about, but you feel ready and comfortable to share on this podcast. And so I do want to go ahead and put a warning out. This is definitely 18 and up, but this may also be triggering for people that have experienced sexual abuse, especially if they were a child experienced sexual abuse. So this is the part in the scary movie. The warning signs are up. We're telling you turn around, turn it off, maybe go listen to another one. If you want to hear Sarah's voice, go to Friendsgiving of the Damned because that one's really, really funny. But we are gonna talk about that because that is something that nobody should ever have to endure. And you, you did, and you survived it, and you're still here. I want to tell you how proud I am of you, first of all. I'm not gonna cry. I'm gonna cry. I don't know. I'm gonna cry a lot.

SPEAKER_00 1:58

You don't need to cry.

SPEAKER_03 2:00

I do want to say this is her experience. This is not about the abuser. This is about Sarah enduring and surviving something fucking unimaginable and her strength that it took to get through it. Just like every plot twist, still alive podcast, we do find a way to cope with humor. We'll be a little more tactful in this one, obviously, but we're just having conversation as friends, and we want the listeners to feel that same way. So, Sarah, why don't you start with how your childhood was in general?

SPEAKER_00 2:27

Obviously, I lived a very happy childhood. I I mean, for the most part, other than having argumentative parents. My dad was in the military, and I think I might have mentioned it in previous episodes, but he was stationed originally in Florida, and so we lived a big bulk of our lives in Florida. I spent a an elementary school there and partially went to middle school in Florida. But I think I've always been like a people pleaser, and I think I was also I had like a fear of my mom as well. Um, and then with my dad, he was TDY a lot. You know, I was I was home alone a lot with my siblings, but also I was, I guess, just the kind of the matriarch in the home, even when my mom would would be there. Basically, since my dad TDY'd a lot, my mom would place us with, you know, random people a lot. Some of the people that they would she had trust in and had built the trust in, and it was somebody that they had known prior to even me being born, is who they got they dub as like godparents, essentially.

SPEAKER_03 3:33

Well, unless you know, your your mom is Filipino, Filipino culture. So let's be clear, white people have godparents too. You're my kids' godparents.

SPEAKER_00 3:41

So yeah. No, for sure. And it definitely, you know, I think when we're talking of godparents, I I'm only saying that because obviously you have a lot of trust in somebody. Enough to name them your fucking godparent.

SPEAKER_03 3:53

Like to me, in my head, what you are and your husband are is if I kick the fucking bucket, you are taking all three, including my feral child, and like caring for them and raising them. I trust you literally with my children's life. So it that to me, that's what godparents are. So I would imagine for your parents that's what they were. Yeah, I was gonna say that would carry the same.

SPEAKER_00 4:15

And at the time, you know, we were lucky enough to have been with both sets of my godparents. So I had, you know, one set of godparents and then I had another set of godparents, and they happened to have spouses. My mom was besties with these women, and then my dad was besties with the men of those women. You know, it was just for us, and I I think for them as parents probably felt lucky that we had that added support, um, especially being military or if they needed care or whatever, but that my mom had that with my dad being gone and stuff. So, anyways, I would go to my godparents' house often, and I think my earliest memory of going to my godparents' house is in '93, so that would be when I was like first grade. They had kids me around my age and had older kids. One particular, his name was Dinden. He was probably the majority one that would care for us, I guess, or would be around us at that time.

SPEAKER_03 5:07

So when you when you say you were left with the godparents, were you left with them and then they left and left him in charge, or they were at home, or was it a mixture?

SPEAKER_00 5:16

It was a bit of mixture. It was like they were home. Maybe m my godmom would go and leave the home and or go grocery shopping or would be working, and then her husband would be there, and then it would be that they would both be gone, and then the older kids would be there. Just to give some context, their kids' age, so they had children aging ages ranging from like six, seven all the way up to about sixteen six seven.

SPEAKER_03 5:42

Every parent.

SPEAKER_00 5:43

Six seven.

unknown 5:45

Oh god.

SPEAKER_03 5:46

Every parent right now is fucking cringing when they hear it.

SPEAKER_01 5:49

I know. I know you're not. Well, I mean, and then you think about the demonic of uh what people think that's like demonic or something, which I don't know the history of.

SPEAKER_03 5:56

I don't know that either. Yeah, I'm learning it from TikTok.

SPEAKER_00 5:59

Anyway, so number one not even saying it right.

SPEAKER_03 6:02

Six seven. And then you have to do your hands. Yeah, yes. Anyway, okay. This was a different time. This was not that time. Yeah, definitely not. So you were I I it is more like seven, actually, the end of first grade. I'm just thinking about how old my kids are now. So you were six or seven, and then their kids ranged from your age to how old was this kid was the oldest, right? Denton was the oldest.

SPEAKER_00 6:23

No, Denden was the second oldest, and I think the oldest ranged until about like maybe 17, 18. And again, my my time frame, it may be off a couple years because even just thinking about doing this podcast, I had to really like dig back into it because I've done a lot of therapy, but I've had to pinpoint the time frame. And then doing that, I realized that the abuse might have gone on a little longer than I even realized it did. Because it I think your mind is such a beautiful thing, it starts to block things out. And you know, of course, as you get older too, you start to and as you've healed that you you really leave that in the past, you know, or you're able to, and you can't.

SPEAKER_03 7:00

It's a I feel like your brain, I mean, they've done studies on this for children, especially. It's literally survival mode, like it will block things completely. And you may not even up until you're an adult, you know, 20, 21 years old, or ever go to therapy for the first time, or you're having these triggers and you're not sure why, and then you start unpacking all of it. So it's your brain trying to protect you, but it also in retrospect, when you're trying to recall all of it, it's it's hard because it's like, okay, what what time frame was this? It was all blurred.

SPEAKER_00 7:28

Yeah, it was. And so I just to do like quick, you know, uh look back, you know, 93 was when they had the inauguration of Bill Clinton happened. So apparently there was like a lot of things. The World Trade Center bombing happened. So I mean, outside or around my chaos, there was it seemed to be a very world was chaotic, yeah, chaotic as well. So I think it was very easy to kind of get lost in my own world during that time. So basically the way that this started was my mom would need the support. She would drop us off over there. She had plenty of people to kind of keep our our eyes out. It was nice because they had kids that were around our age, so it was like, let's go hang out. You know, it was like an official play buddy that we'd have. And I don't even remember how the abuse started, but I do remember like not even thinking at the time that that was abuse. I know that sounds weird and it's even cringy for me to say that out loud, but he started off with like inappropriately touching us um over the sheets, and then it started under, you know, it was mainly when we were under the covers or something. And then it just got to be. But a lot of the bedrooms were upstairs. This was a two-story home. For some reason, it seemed like there was a lot of kids that would come over. It was like the place to hang out. Um, I don't know if it was just because they had four kids and the ages ranged, and so there was just constantly a lot of kids there. But I know for me specifically, you know, there were three other kids for a fact out other than myself that had endured some of the same abuse that I've witnessed. And it it was a lot of the same things, you know. The touching progressed all the way to penetrating me with fingers and stuff. I will say I was I guess quote unquote lucky. At least I don't remember there was, but that there was no I don't think you have to call yourself lucky.

SPEAKER_03 9:46

That's sexual abuse. It wasn't wanted, it wasn't warranted, you were a child. And just to understand, this boy was I mean, he was you said the oldest was 17, so what he was like 16, right? I think there were you said that.

SPEAKER_00 9:58

I think in the beginning, yeah, 15, 16, because again, you're talking about a range. So this year started, you know, maybe when he was 14, I don't know. 14, 15, because we are or eight years apart, that I calculated in my head that we were he was like 15. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 10:14

And whenever that first you said you don't remember exactly that first, but let's say like the sheets thing. It's crazy because I was about seven or eight years old, and I actually had a cousin try something like that when we were having a sleepover. I was at my grandma's house, we were having a sleepover, my sister was there with me and some cousins, and that cousin, there we were all girls, started to try to touch me and and my on my vagina and tried to pull my pants down, and they wanted to play a game, is what they said. And I stopped her and I said, No, I don't want to be touched, don't touch me. She was also the same age as me, right? And I told her also, do not touch my sister. I was like, uh I I would fight people over my sister. It happened multiple times. Yeah. So next morning, I'm literally eating cereal, people are eating oatmeal, like we're sitting at the breakfast table, and I just blurted out to my grandma. I was just like, you know, my cousin touched my private parts and tried to touch me, and they fucking cereal falling out of their mouth. But it's crazy because I knew I was safe. I knew I could tell and be safe. And they immediately did the right thing. They called my parents, they called her parents. They were like, this is what's going on. And I believe they got her help, if I'm not mistaken. That's another story for another time. But I felt even at seven, I could tell her no. And I felt that I could tell my parents or an adult and be believed. Right. And this is a different scenario because this, this, I don't even want to call him a kid. He's a teenager at this point, and he's much older than you at this point. And uh, he may even at that age, people tend to be start being sexually active. Did you feel like when those things were starting, like you should tell? Do you remember thinking I should tell somebody or I feel safe telling anybody? Or what were you? Did you have any thoughts like that?

SPEAKER_00 11:55

I yeah, no, I did not feel safe to tell anybody anything. Yeah, I obviously with my parents, I didn't feel safe talking to not that I didn't trust my dad not to say or my dad to do something. He just was rarely around. So it's gone all the time.

SPEAKER_03 12:11

Yeah. Yeah, deployed and such.

SPEAKER_00 12:13

And then with my mom, absolutely not. I mean, um, I didn't feel like she one would believe me. And then if she did believe me, she I truly honestly feel she would have been like, I don't care, like you need to keep that quiet. Like that's she would just try to ignore the fact that it even happened, you know. Yeah, it I didn't feel safe at all. I didn't feel like I had a voice to to share that with anybody. I think, you know, even just with the people that endured that with me, we didn't even talk about it with each other. And again, that's why I I kind of grappled that with this in my head because I'm like, you knew it was wrong, or did you not know it was wrong? I I kind of questioned myself. I don't know, but I I wonder if my little brain knew, I don't know, it's kind of hard to kind of describe because when those things are happening to you and you're getting naked with another boy or whatever, you almost feel like you're taking part in it and not necessarily being a victim of it.

SPEAKER_03 13:12

And that that comes with a form of manipulation, especially if somebody's grooming or older. Right. I've read this, I've read books. I've again, let me also say I am in no way a psychologist. I am not a sexual abuse expert. Please do not take me for that. I'm just going from people that I've known, from reading books about these things and all of that. I have uh had a lot of people, and both for female and male, they actually have enjoyed it at times and don't understand why, and they feel like it's their fault or they're to blame or there's something wrong with them when that's not the case at all. You're being groomed, you're also basically stuck in this position. But that that you as a kid, you have no ability to consent to that at that age, and neither did the people that were around you.

SPEAKER_00 13:57

No, I agree. And you know, when I look back on it now, I do know there were times when he it was manipulative. Like he would he would say, Well, I would I'm I'm gonna tell them that you were in the closet with me and I would keep quiet. But as an adult brain, you know, I'm like, I should have been like double down, double down, like less motherfucker. Yeah, yeah. But back then I was like, Oh my gosh, like I can't tell them that. Like that's I can't, you know, it was just well when he was so open to tell, you would feel like it's your fault.

SPEAKER_03 14:28

Like he's willing to tell, so I'm doing something wrong. Right.

SPEAKER_00 14:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 14:32

Again, that's that's a form that's literally what manipulation is. Right. He's flipping it and gaslighting it.

SPEAKER_00 14:38

Yeah. And you know, he would do things to me, you know, inappropriately in the no-no spots and things like that. And but he would also make me do things with of others as well for his satisfaction. Sometimes it would just start off with like a bath, hide and seek, you know, and then it would we'd it'd be like an innocent game of hide hide-a-seek, but then next thing you know it, you are in a closet with one other child and him, you know what I mean? And uh we were uh taking part of like kissing and touching and him penetrating us with his fingers and us rubbing on him. There were times when I knew it was wrong too, because sometimes I found myself just crying through it while it was happening? Oh god, yeah, crying through it and just because of the people around me, I think mostly maybe not necessarily for me, but the people close to me because you felt like you were hurting them, right?

SPEAKER_02 15:35

Oh that maybe they would get pulled next. So you know, I think that that's the hardest part for me.

SPEAKER_03 15:46

And not being able to protect them.

SPEAKER_02 15:47

Right.

SPEAKER_00 15:50

So and just to give perspective to the kids that um were also taking part of this, they also ranged surprisingly from like a newborn age to I'm sorry, so you're telling me that this 15, 16, 17, however many years, because we can go into that in a minute, they were also abusing a baby, a child, a little, oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 16:15

Like an infant, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:17

And um my my husband now, I mean my husband and I have gone through like adoption um courses because we were looking to adopt, but um, one of the books we had to read was The Body Keep Score. So if anybody's looking for a good read, it was kind of hard to get into a little bit, but it actually ended up being a really good book. And it was something that I could really relate to, and it made me question um even just the scenario of and seeing this person in particular have things happen in their lives that unfolded that it kind of made me click, like, whoa, that the body keeps core that even though you may be super young and you may not remember everything, those traumas, yeah, yeah, that the heightened sense of maybe arousal or whatever ends up playing out even in your toddler era, be and and parents may not even understand it. Why is why are they rubbing on that weird or you know, and it's why are they hypersexual?

SPEAKER_03 17:16

What yeah?

SPEAKER_00 17:17

Now I don't want to like blanket it and be like, well, that's a little, you know, no start worrying about your toddler because she's rubbing up.

SPEAKER_03 17:24

No, actually, that's very that's very normal. It's just stimulation of uh rubbing, touching. Right. You're just discovering their bodies, right? There is there is a difference, and I I think like you said, you can't blanket this with every single person.

SPEAKER_00 17:37

No, and that's why I did want to, but I do I do want you to maybe gain some understanding that if later on in life maybe something is going on and you do start to see your child is hype heightenly sexual at a much younger age than maybe is quote unquote normal, may want to just be a little bit more sensitive on connecting with your child is all as well.

SPEAKER_03 18:00

And if you've experienced this, and we will give um I uh we will do I will do a blog this time. I haven't done them consistently because I think it just depends. We absolutely need to give out resources for this. So that that book I will put, I'll find it in the title at the title and the author and put that on there. You can tell me when we're done, send it to me. Um, but the body keeps score. So basically, uh in a nutshell from what you've told me about this book, it's just letting you know that the traumas that you've experienced, even if you don't remember them, your body remembers them. Right. And so like something in you continues to feel that. So if you're having, and it's not just sexual things, it can be aggression, mood swings, like having depression. There's all these other things that are attached to being abused that are not just sexual. Right. You told me this book, like you said, changed your perspective. And I I want to encourage people to again, if you've can if you've had this happen, you know somebody that's had this happen, you're hearing it from someone that's experienced it. Definitely check this book out and see if even if it just helps you make sense of your own feelings, sometimes that's what you need, like validation in a way. Yeah. Okay. So those things weren't happening. It was m m many children in the home, not just you. It's really it churns my stomach to think this was the house a bunch of kids came to because God fucking only knows how many more than I know for a fact happened, yeah. Right. You're in first grade-ish when this all starts. How long does this go on? And how severe did it did it get for you personally?

SPEAKER_00 19:27

It stayed there for the most part. From there, it was no more overclothes, you know. It was always now I was being penetrated, you know, by this person. And how often were you at this these people's houses? Probably on a weekly basis. And and then there would be times where we wouldn't see them for a couple months, you know what I mean? Yeah, and I do remember like wanting to tell people, telling somebody, you know, I remember even being put in the car and me just bawling my eyes out, like hysterically being like, I don't want to go, I don't want to go, you know, and then them not understanding why. And and this person, he was actually my one, my siblings' um godfather. He came and picked me up from a bus stop one time and he was taking me to their house. And uh, I remember freaking out, like, I don't want to go, I don't want to go. And I remember him being very perplexed, like like not understanding why. But then it I could I remember being so tired saying I didn't want to go that as I got closer to their house, that I just kind of was like, This is happening.

SPEAKER_04 20:30

Accepted it.

SPEAKER_00 20:31

Yeah, and I think also that's kind of when my maturity level started to even progress more because I I was always trying to prove to my parents that I could take I could take care of uh me, I could take care of my siblings, you know, we don't need to go anywhere, kind of thing.

SPEAKER_03 20:46

So you were trying to problem solve for your family so that you could get everyone out of that situation.

SPEAKER_00 20:53

Right. Yeah, and just trying to, you know, be like, I'm responsible, you know, like I'm cool, like I got it. I got it. You know, but again, I I have to think back to like I wasn't giving any given any babysitting privilege until I was about twelve. So uh I think that was like five years. There was no yeah, so it was about five years that this this happened.

SPEAKER_03 21:15

Where in the you said there were like four or five kids, right, that lived at that house for they yeah, they have four. So in your like experience when you were there, what you observed, did he harm any of his own siblings? What was there anything that occurred with them?

SPEAKER_00 21:29

So the one kid that was our age, he was obviously involved in that too. So I guess there would be a total of six kids that I know for a fact that was involved in sexual abuse. Right. I remember there was an argument between the brothers, and it was the two middle. So it was Dindon and his younger brother. Um they were arguing um one time because I think he he somehow found out. I think it might have been like he saw us in the bed or he saw us in the closet, whatever. Like I don't even remember. The exact, but I do remember them arguing and him basically saying, threatening that he was going to say something. And I remember feeling almost like, oh my gosh, he's gonna kind of save us. Well, that didn't end up being the case because there was a time or two, and I think it was very little, very, very little, he did get involved as well with us.

SPEAKER_03 22:23

So he like also was abusing you. Right. And part of it.

SPEAKER_00 22:27

But it was under the direction of Dendon. I don't remember the specifics. I just it almost kind of felt like a blackmail. Like he was coerced with it. Yeah. And now when I think about it, I'm like, man, I wonder if there was more that went on in even that family, you know what I mean, that I don't even know about. And maybe there was something tied to, you know, well, if you say something about this, I'm gonna say something about this. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 22:49

Like, well, I think blackmailing your siblings in general when it's not when it's something benign. I did it all the time with my my sisters. We would blackmail each other. Right. Obviously, we weren't doing horrendous, horrific shit like this. Right. But it would be like, oh, if you tell this, I tell that. And it would work, especially because I was older, so I was able to like pull that shit, but it would be about something minute, like fighting when my parents are gone, or you know, something like that, sneaking out, something, not not harming other people, children, like not nothing along those lines. So I think in general, that's already kind of part of the relationship, but he went, he took it to a obviously a completely different level. So then that's what six or seven people all involved at this point.

SPEAKER_00 23:27

Right.

SPEAKER_03 23:28

That are children. Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_00 23:30

Yeah, and you know, I even think back now because he he would make us also do stuff with his the youngest. And I never really witnessed what he would do anything to the males. I think he really got off of like what a male would do with a female, and so I do remember his youngest sibling in the shower or something, he would make him do stuff to us. Well, it's a control thing too. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:56

Like being able to control all of all of you.

SPEAKER_00 23:58

But I don't ever remember him like touching him. Now I'm not putting it past him because like I said, I did witness him doing this to an infant um male. And I and you know, the infant male though, it was presented amongst friends, his friends, um, you know, inappropriately touching the baby's penis and you know, mostly just touching and it there's some of the friends were females.

SPEAKER_03 24:26

That's fucking mind-blowing, and still nothing happened, they didn't go home and tell their families or not that I'm aware of. I well, obviously, I mean that that it continues. That speaks volumes on the fucking generation that we lived in. I think how you thought was a lot more prevalent than how I thought. My parents, we there's flaws. I did not grow up perfect. There's a lot of things I still carry damage from. But overall, when it came to that specific thing, sexual trauma, I think because I did have a family side that that happened when they were kids. So we were like overly aware of it very young. Like I knew very early that sexual trauma had happened on my mom's side. And so I was just hyper aware of it. And then even I remember my f sisters coming home early in like first grade or second grade, and actually it was my youngest sister, so she was a good amount, probably six, seven years difference. And she came home singing the no-no squares song, like, stop, don't touch me there. These are my no-no squares. And it was like her breasts and her vagina area and her butt. So I didn't learn about it from school, I didn't learn about it from experiencing it personally. I learned about it because my family had something happen and they were hyper-vigilant in telling us. So that part I was okay with telling.

SPEAKER_00 25:38

Right, which is great. I waited.

SPEAKER_03 25:39

But I think most people are more like you. Right. They were used to keeping family secrets, or it was just a normal thing, or they never came across it, so they never warned their kids about it. It's just like that's not something sex wasn't something it was taboo. You didn't talk to kids about that.

SPEAKER_00 25:54

Yeah, no, and I feel like it's still taboo for sure. But I think, you know, being able to I feel more comfortable today being able to warn off this is your space. You know, if anybody invades your space, you have every right to tell somebody. But in the past, then I didn't. I didn't feel safe to say anything. There were moments when I would feel like I wanted to, where I just wanted to just blow up and say something, but then you think about all the what ifs. You know, my mom was pretty, she could be abusive. And so I think that for me was like the biggest fear was knowing what my mom might do. Again, they didn't have they didn't open any space. That was that's forget it. You don't even you don't say nothing. Hell, I don't even think they talked to me about my grades, you know what I mean? Like, how's your grades?

SPEAKER_03 26:40

Well, again, your dad was gone, your mom was mostly responsible, but your mom also left you with other people quite a bit. So there wasn't really a lot of it doesn't sound like a lot of space for that parent-child dynamic, anyhow, of open conversations and trust.

SPEAKER_00 26:54

Right. No, absolutely not. Really, the abuse ended because my parents got a divorce, so it was like I was more with my dad. My dad was being stationed to another base, like still in Florida, but it was a different base, so a different city. He he he would figure it out for where we went, it was like the youth center, or you know, it was somewhere like a legit fucking spot.

SPEAKER_03 27:16

Right. Not some random fucking teenagers.

SPEAKER_00 27:19

Right. And because the only other person he would maybe use was his sister and her husband at the time, but they had their own kids. That wasn't always a sure option either. But he would he would put us in the youth center, or the base had like some youth center there, or we'd be put at the YMCA or something, or an extracurricular activity that would give him that time to do whatever he needed to do. And so he always figured it out in that way.

SPEAKER_03 27:43

You did end up eventually living with your dad.

SPEAKER_00 27:44

Right. And the good thing is, is I never had to have any other contact as time went on, that abuse and exposure carried with me. Right.

SPEAKER_03 27:53

So again, just because you were out of the abuse, there was obviously going to be damage done and the aftermath of that, and you hadn't even told anyone, right? No, I and you you didn't talk to the other abuse abuse victims about it at all. But you all knew, right? That it was We all knew. You all knew it, but you never spoke about it.

SPEAKER_00 28:11

Correct. We never spoke about it. No, we no, we didn't after the abuse for me and for the people that I know, it uh there was no other conversations about it. Now, whether that happened longer for others, I don't know. Because again, still to this day, it's not something I talk about with most people or talk to even with them. And I have I have attempted to have conversations with them, but again, it's like one of those boxes they don't want to unlock. And so they're very passive with the information.

SPEAKER_03 28:39

Which is their choice.

SPEAKER_00 28:40

Right, right. And I and I don't blame them at all. Like, you know, again, I think for me, when it started to affect my life, I there were things that I advocated for for others that it ended up in turn um later down the road. I think for me it was like senior year that it started to really take a toll on me where I was cutting myself or not wanting to be alive and things like that. And I think it was just the compilation of like me being very sexually active. I think it was eighth grade was when I lost my virginity. And it was always to older boys, you know, or or I was with older boys, you know.

SPEAKER_03 29:18

So I think so that that was a pattern.

SPEAKER_00 29:20

Right.

SPEAKER_03 29:20

Once that happened, that continued to somewhat be a pattern.

SPEAKER_00 29:23

Yeah, it was. I kind of went into this era of where I'd have moments of being ex obsessive towards boys and wanting them to give me t attention, time and attention. And so for me it was like, oh, they find that I'm attractive, and so I'm gonna give them this so that they can quote unquote stick around. But as you grow older, you realize they they take and they throw.

SPEAKER_04 29:44

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 29:44

Take it, take it, throw away, you know, and on to the next. Right. I was getting a lot of that where I was being thrown away constantly. So my sister actually shared with my parents that like Sarah's had some of this abuse, you know, she probably needs to get some help. And so I did, and and I they put me in counseling. Again, we were military broad, so I did have quick access to a therapist. They end up putting me on like medication, and short long story short, I'm not a medication person. I felt like it put me in a totally different mind space, so I took myself off of it and decided that counseling for me was the fix. What if I consistently went into that and I was able to be open, but it was hard obviously to be able to relive that. But then it would help me kind of go down through some patterns of myself that through that counseling, I think I went to counseling for about a year or something. Um, and it was kind of off and on. But I found myself after graduating high school that I went the opposite where I was still sexually active, but I now had like a collection of guys where I'd be like, Well, bitches, I'm using you.

SPEAKER_03 30:51

And on to the next.

SPEAKER_00 30:52

Yeah, and I had no qualms over that. Like I was just like, You're my Saturday, you're my Friday. Like I didn't care. You know, obviously I was safe about it, you know.

SPEAKER_03 31:02

So it sounds like what what I'm hearing from you is that someone advocated for you, and realistically, all of those things were happening because there was just too much inside at that point. Like you couldn't handle it anymore. And I would imagine that you being thrown away, quote unquote, or used is just gonna trigger that because you're looking at this is my value. Like sex is my value, right? Right. And so once you're used and you're thrown away, you have no value again in your garbage to the point where you were having this internal struggle and actually went to self-harm.

SPEAKER_00 31:31

Were you diagnosed with like depression or they did diagnose me with depression and insomnia at the time. Okay. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 31:37

But I was gonna say if people have depression and it can come back and it can go up it ups and downs. You definitely want therapy, whether you are on depress or antidepressants or not. Right. But I do think that some people, it sounds like yours was very circumstantial, directly related to that. And I know that, you know, you and I being friends, like there's times you at low points, but nothing that's ever even equivalent to anything like that. Yeah. And I think you are also really great at advocating for yourself and knowing, hey, I need to get back in therapy because Yeah, I am.

SPEAKER_00 32:06

Um now I'm I'm real quick, like for the most part. I'm like, And I'm calling a therapist. Yeah, and calling a therapist, you know.

SPEAKER_03 32:13

Which there's nothing wrong with.

SPEAKER_00 32:14

No, I I honestly again, not knocking the the medication. I just know that from personal experiences, seeing close people be put on antidepressants, it's a long road to finding that the happy balance, the happy balance.

SPEAKER_03 32:31

Some people need it, right?

SPEAKER_00 32:32

Absolutely. Making it function.

SPEAKER_03 32:33

No, we're not knocking that at all.

SPEAKER_00 32:35

No, no, no. I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_03 32:36

They're just saying for you, it wasn't something you needed long term.

SPEAKER_00 32:39

Correct. Uh yeah, and you know, they basically told me too, like the Statue of Limitations, there's nothing we can do. This, this is this was long ago.

SPEAKER_03 32:48

Well, and they vary state to state, from what I understand.

SPEAKER_00 32:50

Yeah, and and we lived in Texas by the time this was all revealed, we lived in Texas, and then you know, they still lived in Florida. And actually at that time, I I started catching Win Odinden. He was a trouble kid, and he was running into the um trouble with a law. Well, at that point he's an adult, yeah. Very not a kid, for sure. So it was a lot of hearsay. My dad did tell my mom about this and was like, Did you not know anything about this? Like, I can't believe this had been happening, and you never knew. And so I do remember them getting an argument about this, and my mom had told my dad that she had reached out to my godmom about it, and which is Den's mom. Correct. And allegedly, my mom says that she told her off and things like that. Do I think that happened? I don't. Years later, I went to go visit my mom at the time she was living in Louisiana. She was going to be visiting my godmother with my other godmom, and my mom asked me not to say anything to her about that. Do not bring it up. Are you serious? Yeah. Are you around her? I did. I I got to see her again and I gave her a hug. It gave me a lot of like mixed feelings. Because I think at this point I was in my early 20s and I didn't say anything to her directly about it because I didn't feel comfortable. It was more that I was upset with my mom than I was with her because I was like, wait a minute, did we not have this con? Was there never a conversation?

SPEAKER_03 34:18

I thought you told this bitch off why she's visiting. Exactly. So why am I here? And why do I have to pretend I wasn't sexually abused by her son?

SPEAKER_00 34:23

Right. And so I was just I was just very confused, but I just let it go at that time. One of the biggest things, which actually this this hadn't been something that I learned at that time, but again, this was in my 20s. Well, I ended up getting married to Rudy, who's 23 years old, and so um some things had happened where I had to go back to counseling because I was actually a correctional officer, and I I lived some in a town, but I had to drive several hours to to go to work, and it was a four days on, four days off. And I would stay in a house with a lot of people. I mean, like that that's just what we all did during our time our scheduled times on. Um, we had some night people and some morning people, and so we would all just bring our sleeping bag, like things that were easy to put on a futon and sleep for the night and then go to work and because we were never home, you know.

SPEAKER_03 35:12

So it was like several correctional officers all just kind of renting an apartment together and renting it.

SPEAKER_00 35:17

It was a two-bedroom apartment, right?

SPEAKER_03 35:19

Sleeping there, correct.

SPEAKER_00 35:20

And so usually there was like maybe two futons or maybe one futon and a couch out in the living room. And so we would all have just our own little space. One of the CEOs that I worked with, he actually forced himself on me. I remember feeling like, oh my gosh, like I can't believe this is happening again. And now I'm married, and my husband was deployed at the time.

SPEAKER_03 35:42

So how did you react in that moment?

SPEAKER_00 35:44

I first was like uh frozen. Like I was like, Do I let him do this to me? Because almost it's like it was like grappling again when I was a kid. Again, I had tears running down my face again. And then I started realizing I'm gonna no, no, and I start pushing him like no. And then I remember just it was like a gradual, like, I'm getting my fucking voice, bro. Like, I am not going, I'm no, no, not again. No, I remember just getting louder and louder and telling him no and pushing him off of me. And I don't know why I did it, but I grabbed my uniforms out of the closet, and that's all I took. I took my uniforms and I I left. And I remember driving and I was like thinking, I mean, I've got to work tomorrow. Like I can't just leave. I don't know why.

SPEAKER_03 36:32

The crazy shit you think of when you have like a very traumatic moment.

SPEAKER_00 36:35

Exactly. And I remember stopping at a gas station and I just sobbed. I just sobbed. And believe it or not, I the place that I was at, it was a gas station, but I didn't park like immediately in the gas station. I parked in the middle where there was like a building where I'd be in between the gas station.

SPEAKER_03 36:53

Heidi.

SPEAKER_00 36:54

Well, not Heidi, you were crying, you said in your car?

SPEAKER_03 36:56

I was crying. The best place to cry.

SPEAKER_00 36:58

So you were just having a good one I was just having a good crisis solo. And I was like thinking in my head, like, what do I do? What do I do? What do I do? But I'm like sobbing. Well, I remember looking up, and the the building that was right next to me to the right of me was a police station.

SPEAKER_03 37:13

Holy shit.

SPEAKER_00 37:14

Yeah, I didn't know you had no idea. No idea. I remember telling myself, I am not gonna do this again. But then I was like sobbing, sobbing. Like again, I I really was not sure what I was gonna do. And I call my husband, and I'm like, this happened to me, and I'm like hyperventilating, you know, and he's like, Well, call the cops, Sarah. And he's like telling me, like demanding me to call the cops, and I'm like, I don't know. I I don't I like I I didn't know if I wanted to do that. I really didn't because I thought to myself, nobody's gonna believe me. Nobody's gonna believe me. I still felt like nobody's gonna believe me.

SPEAKER_03 37:50

And so there you are, literally being re-victimized, right? And it's crazy because predatory people fucking smell it on you like a mile away. And I didn't know that until after this whole incident, finally going back into counseling, like, and I actually target you, and it's not because you're doing anything wrong, it's just like they push boundaries, they they watch you and they figure it out. So you're sitting there, your husband's like advocating for you, like go to the fucking cops, which can also, in retrospect, sometimes when you're like that, you're like, I'm just calling to cry. I don't I don't need you to tell me what to do. I just need you to listen. But he was right, like that's what you're supposed to do.

SPEAKER_00 38:26

And he finally was like, I'm not even gonna, I'm gonna hang up on you, Sarah. You need to call the cops. Well, while I'm screaming in the car, because now I'm screaming at him, telling me, you don't care about me, you don't love me. I'm literally like, love me. Like, just like listen to me. And as I'm doing that, an officer starts walking up to my car, and I'm like, fuck, fuck, I'm gonna have to say something. And I'm I rolled down my window and I just it just all came out. Like I was just like, let's go.

SPEAKER_03 38:57

Which is the complete opposite experience that you had as a kid. Years of holding it in, years of buildup, years of keeping a secret, years of feeling like you had to remain silent. Yeah, and then you get in one situation as an adult, which I just want to give you so much fucking credit for because there are more people than not than will let that initial feeling that you had take over. And that's so fucking sad that they don't have the thought that they could fight back or that they could get out of it, or that they could tell somebody and be believed. Because it's make no mistake, that is not the person, like the person that's the victim. And I hate using that term, but that's the reality, right? You are a victim. That's that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. That's just the word you have to use, right? But when someone's in that position, I can't imagine how lonely and scary it is to not know if you're gonna be believed and second guess allowing someone to do it to you because you're just like it'll be easier that way. That's so sad that anyone has that mentality. Anyone has to endure that. So I'm so fucking proud of you for blowing the lid off this shit and fucking telling the cops. But I know, again, from knowing you, I know I- I still had a lot of fear around it.

SPEAKER_00 40:04

Yeah. Um, because they immediately took me back to the site.

SPEAKER_03 40:08

And when was he there?

SPEAKER_00 40:10

He was there. They interviewed everybody in the house, of course. Everybody in the house said they didn't hear anything. The whole investigation for me, I could tell that the officer believed me. I could tell that they did all that they could to support me in in all of that. We ended up going to trial. Um, I had a whole jury and everything. Um, that was an experience in itself that I don't wish on anybody because you have to do the whole pointing, that's who that is, and and being out having to look at him directly to identify who he is and make sure we're talking about the person we're talking about. And then in between all of that, going through counseling while I'm also meeting with attorneys. This was the point for me that I felt like was the most like the turning point feeling to me. Because I feel like going through counseling for the child abuse that I endured, I almost feel like the counselors were a little bit more sensitive, maybe didn't give me a lot of like understanding on terms. I just don't feel like I think they were just there more so for like moral support to listen versus giving like tools.

SPEAKER_03 41:15

Correct. This was the first time. But you were also a teenager. Cool. So that's kind of probably age-appropriate type things. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 41:21

Maybe for sure. I I'm that's the only thing I can attribute it to be.

SPEAKER_03 41:26

But also, let's be real, not every counselor is equipped. When you're looking for these things, you need to find a good fit for you. And if you're doing it, and it sometimes they just need to be a soundbox for you to just say things and let it out, and they kind of listen and guide you through like the process. Right. But a lot of times, especially if it's something that's still affecting you to the point where you end up getting potentially like you re-victimized, you're you may need tools and you may need ways to and strategies to deal with it, not blame yourself, not feel like it's your fault, not you know, like that is a lot to endure.

SPEAKER_00 41:57

Yeah. And I think the the what initiated the counseling was actually a conversation between the advocacies uh at the court were, you know, asking me questions and they were asking me about my weight. They were asking me, like, do you feel like you've put on a lot of weight in X amount of years and things like that?

SPEAKER_03 42:15

So this isn't a vlogcast, and Sarah is a is a beautiful curvy girl. She always goes. I wish I was curvy. I'm fluffy.

SPEAKER_00 42:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 42:22

But she is a curvy girl, which there's nothing wrong with.

SPEAKER_00 42:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 42:25

But when you were younger, you were very petite.

SPEAKER_00 42:28

Right. I was a petite when I was much, much younger. But and then when I was a teenager, I was I would say I was slim. I maybe had like pudge pudge around the tummy, but that's really it.

SPEAKER_03 42:37

You were you were healthy. I've seen pictures. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 42:39

But then when I started entering my 20s, I really blew up. Like really blew up. And the questions were to kind of gauge if I needed counseling and or almost to identify me as somebody that may need help. She said something to me that now that at that time resonated. She had said, Do you think that you've put on this weight as an added protection? Kind of like gave her a look like, no. And then she's like, just think about that for a minute. And I just really thought about it. I didn't even give her an answer at that time. But that was the start of the journey that when I got paired with a therapist, that was like a topic of discussion, was my weight. But also the topic of discussion was assertive, assertiveness. Like it was the first time I'd ever heard that word. Um, it was the first time I I've heard the definition of it. He would ask me questions like, if somebody were to do this, what would you say? And I'd be like, I mean, I would probably just say, I'd probably just let them just just do it. Just do it, like take my personal. Just do it. I don't know. I yeah, I would just No. Yeah. And and so she would give me all these scenarios and she's like, Why do you why do you feel like it's hard to say no? I said, Well, I don't want to come off as rude. I don't want to come off as like mean, and then I don't want to and she's like, How you come off to them is how they take it. It is not your job to facilitate how they feel about something. Thing you need to be able to advocate and be assertive how you feel in a very matter of fact way. How they take it is none of your concern.

SPEAKER_03 44:09

No is a complete fucking sentence.

SPEAKER_00 44:11

Right. To me, it was like mind blown.

SPEAKER_03 44:14

Wait, I can say no to things.

SPEAKER_00 44:16

I'm like, no, what? No. 23, 24 years old was the start of my path of becoming assertive. And I still don't even think I've got it and ironed it. I've ironed it down, but I feel like I've got it freaking listen, okay?

SPEAKER_03 44:29

We can't close. And you honestly, you've come leaps and bounds. Even with my friends. Yes. I know you 13 years and I have seen the progression. And you should be super proud of the work that you've done. So you said it was open-ended and it got you thinking. Right. And I know again, we've talked about like your food and your like relationship with food. It's a control thing. Like I want to do this and it gives me satisfaction. And like anyone that judges somebody for being like heavier than they should be or overweight or even obese, they're always like, oh, they're lazy. They should just work out. Right. There are so many more complexities behind it that people don't understand. And it could potentially be abuse. It could be trauma. There are different things. And food is a happy space and it is a way to like give yourself immediate satisfaction. But then you had that extra layer of did you do it as a deterrent? And so what did you come to find in Tesla?

SPEAKER_00 45:21

I found out that it was exactly what it was, though I know it's weird, but I used to get picked up at a gas station a lot. Like anytime I was pumping the gas, somebody was wanting gas station. I know they would want to just come and talk to me and get my number, whatever. I was, I I was a very approachable person wherever we went. But the gas station was like prime site. The spot. Yeah. Where you picked up all your days. Like a group of guys would just drive up and be like, Yeah, I get your number, blah, blah, blah. But as I got fluffier as the years went on, even when I was married, it was nice not having people approach me anymore. Like, truly, nobody would want to approach me. And I actually found joy in that. But I didn't realize that it was me gaining all that weight that put that safe place in for me. But it didn't click until I thought about it and thought about it over the years. And I'm like, you know what? I got to basically almost 300 pounds till I've was like, all right, you gotta you gotta figure that out and get become more assertive so that you don't have to put on a the weight to protect yourself.

SPEAKER_03 46:23

Your words, you do it with your own boundaries. I just use my rusting bitch face. That's what I yeah. My fuck you. And I have that thing where I just say whatever I think.

SPEAKER_00 46:34

Yeah. And for me, I feel like what I've learned in all of this is um I wouldn't even say my nutrition is even better because I ended up getting the weight loss surgery, and that's been helpful because I've also had PCOS, and that's a whole nother thing.

SPEAKER_03 46:46

But um We got a podcast for that.

SPEAKER_00 46:47

Yeah, we've got another thing coming for that. But I went to school for business and stuff, and so to me, it was like learning leadership was helpful for me, helped with the assertiveness, you know, being able to talk to people that I felt comfortable and confident that in a leadership way, in a positive leadership, I'm gonna be able to get what I'm wanting to convey across. And I know for a fact that I did it in a very assertive but non-threatening way. You know what I mean? So I was able to kind of build that confidence in that way. And so I feel like I'm really good at now using my words and having soaked my brain in and leadership skills and things like that. That now I just feel totally confident to be able to be like, no, you can't do that. No, no, no, don't touch me, you know, or you say no to me a lot, and I'm like, that's lame.

SPEAKER_03 47:36

But then I'm also like, fuck, I have to respect that. Like, no, you can't take me on a trip for three days. I'm like, she says no, but she means maybe. I think she means maybe. I push your boundaries, but only in fun things, never in anything that's not fun.

SPEAKER_00 47:49

Yeah. But I I have been better at advocating for myself more because I know that um I'm able to critically think through things now and I'm able to feel secure that I'm not just making this out-of-the-wall like demand of advocacy for myself or for others now, because I know I've done all the research and I've done all the learning that I've doing it in a very tactful way. During the abuse that I have, not only just with the sexual abuse, but just even with the physical abuse or with the tumultuous relationship with my mom, I question my I was very erratic, to be honest with you.

SPEAKER_03 48:25

And I just want to tell you this, and this is not just you, this is a lot of my guests. I love when I start off and I say, So let's talk about your childhood. And almost every single one, including you, like when I play it back, says, I was happy, I had a good childhood, but did you? Like, yeah, when you really look at the whole thing like you fucking survived it. I mean, fuck yeah. Yeah. But that doesn't mean we have to like, I don't want to say romanticize, but for a lack of better term, like make it seem like something it's not well.

SPEAKER_00 48:53

I think it also is that when we we get older, we're able to more put the highlights and focus on the good stuff that's gonna be.

SPEAKER_03 49:01

That they're adults, but they're people and that they mess up. Right. And realistically, if they've made changes and all of that, but it doesn't mean there wasn't damage that occurred. No, or that put you in the position, and I'm not saying, you know, you should hate or hold it against your parents in any way. That's not healthy either. Yeah. Like just holding. I think more than anything, I just observed you do it and I do the same thing. And I've watched so many other people do it on my podcast when I'm like, we're about to talk about your tra trauma as a kid, and you're like, everything was good. I was a happy kid.

SPEAKER_01 49:30

It's what you say all the time. It's fine, it's fine, it's fine. Everything's fine.

SPEAKER_03 49:32

You know what's funny is my soul sister, Stace. She's actually gonna be on the podcast soon. She got me a birthday gift, she just gave it to me, and it's a fucking coffee cup that has flames all over, and it's like everything is fine. Yes, it's fucking fine. It's not, but we're gonna be we're gonna say it's fine.

SPEAKER_00 49:47

It's almost like you're trying to trick your brain.

SPEAKER_03 49:49

I mean, that's what I am doing, and it fucking works. Yeah, crazy how it does. It got me through three cancers in a narcissist. Exactly. I'm telling it. So I'm sorry, we s we fucking segued, we spar we scroll for a minute. So you have learned how to be assertive. You have decided to proactively for your more so for your health. It's not even an aesthetic thing, do the weight loss surgery. You've kept the weight off, it's healthier for you. Right. And overall, I think that you learned how to control more the even though because that's the other thing that comes along with that, right? We talked about this. People struggle after they get the weight loss surgery. The mental part of it is still there. So you actually went to therapy related to that for a little while and did like nutrition classes. Yes. I remember you doing all of that. So all of this is just to help.

SPEAKER_00 50:36

Mine, mine, just to correct you for the floor. Oh, I'm so sorry. Too. I'm still fluffy.

unknown 50:40

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 50:40

You are still fluffy, but you still still fluffy. I'm happy though. But you're healthy. Yeah, I'm healthy.

SPEAKER_03 50:44

Your your feet don't kill you when we walk places.

SPEAKER_00 50:46

I can Indian style it and you're doing it right now. I snaps and claps, bitch. So for me, that's uh I'm happy. But, anyways, in regards to my weight, and now it doesn't consume me right anymore. And it's not this protective shell anymore. And you know, you don't need it anymore.

SPEAKER_03 51:02

Again, I know I'm your bestie, but I want to just once again tell you how proud I am of you. I have watched you and shut up and just take it. Don't say no, please. No, gen genuinely, babe, from the bottom of my heart. I am so proud of you. I am so grateful to have you in my life. I know that you've endured a lot more than a lot of people, and you give me perspective on my life, and I know we've both went through our shit. Yeah, but I also am just you're the best trauma bonder I've ever had. And you what what gets me and what I've no I love about you the most is how you remain kind and you remain strong even in this. And nobody and nothing can break you.

SPEAKER_00 51:42

Well, I'm glad you're saying that I'm kind because I wanted to name him Dindin because that was what we called him. I I didn't do a pseudoname for him or anything like that. If I could, I would blow the freaking popsicle. What did what do they say? Blow blow the popsicle joint.

SPEAKER_03 51:55

Let's blow this popsicle stand. You're using okay, it's between you and Erica. You, my fucking Latin friends and my Filipino friends. Because we're from a third world country. Yes, the euphemisms do not blow this popsicle stand means leave. We're gonna no, we're gonna uh I think it's like blow the roof off this bitch or right something like that.

SPEAKER_00 52:14

Like for me, I don't care if to protect him. No, I don't, nor should you. No, and you know, I have through time, and I know it sounds weird. Why why would you search him? Blah blah blah. Well, I think for me, I searched for him as I got older and in my late 20s and early 30s, as because I again was seeing their lives kind of unfold, and he actually went on to have like I think he had two or three kids, and then for whatever reason, he didn't have custody of them, and then he went on to have four girls. Holy fuck. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 52:47

So of course you're gonna be like, what the fuck is going on?

SPEAKER_00 52:50

Right.

SPEAKER_03 52:51

And terrified for the I I can't even imagine the way that comes from.

SPEAKER_00 52:54

I actually thought about sharing this with his daughter at one point because we were friends on Facebook, but then I thought to myself, like, what if it isn't happening? Maybe he's changed. Like, I really thought in my head, like, I don't want to implode on this high schooler girl or middle school. Maybe she was in middle school at the time. And I had been in contact with her because um I ended up purchasing them some school supplies one time because my godmom was saying that they were financially struggling and and she was taking care of these things because he lost custody. Correct. And their the mother actually got deported, I believe, back to the Philippines. So yeah, so I ended up donating all the school supplies um one year for them um to them. But after that, I had to delete them. I had to delete them all because I was like, I can't keep seeing them in my newsfeed and not feel compelled to say something. I don't know. I just I had to let it all go.

SPEAKER_03 53:49

And you were saying you weren't kind because you are holding this person accountable, but you also bought fucking school supplies for his children. Yeah, well. Because he probably is abusive still, more than likely. One can speculate. I'm sorry. I'm I'm just gonna like call it what the fuck it is. I'm not saying that I don't know. We were not there, so yeah, this isn't even alleged. I'm speculating that if he doesn't have custody of his children, there is a reason for it because you and I both know the system is pretty fucking broken at times, and rarely does it actually take them away from somebody. Yeah. But then there's you found a couple other things on him, right?

SPEAKER_00 54:25

Yeah, I found that he had been arrested several times. The first arrest ever was in 2006, 2007, 2006, 2000. And it was for just assault? It was for assault. There was no like story behind it. Actually, it says that the the news article was archived. So I I can't get specifics on that one. But then the one that I had found after that one, um, it was a news article on him strangling his girlfriend at the something like imprisonment because he wouldn't allow her to leave.

SPEAKER_03 54:55

Something I think it's called something imprisonment and assault as well, yeah, by strangulation.

SPEAKER_00 55:00

Yeah. So clearly he's changed. Yeah, and then another arrest was for theft. Yeah, that was more recent. Jesus. Yeah. So it seems like he's out though. Um, when I saw pictures and stuff, it seems like they are all seem to be a very happy family, but I kind of wonder who else has been hurt by him. Right. I'm happy with the way that I've been able to kind of heal because I look at those pictures and I see them all together, and I know the one person that was a part of all of this. I wonder when, you know, like the younger brother, like the youngest brother, how have they been able to move on, you know, and or are they living in this false reality of like that just never happened? And or and to me, I couldn't live my life like that. There's no way. I think that that would be.

SPEAKER_03 55:45

I think that causes far more issues. And I think a lot of people choose that route thinking it's the easier route, but they're destroying themselves inside because they never tell anybody.

SPEAKER_00 55:54

Yeah, because I feel like my route going, you know, again, I'm not saying my route is perfect, but I'm saying the fact that I was able to go through counseling and kind of get all the help throughout my entire adulthood. I've been able to have a much healthier relationship with my husband. I've been able to have much real healthier and boundaries and friendships with, you know, obviously you and with everybody else, you know. Like I feel like I've become a better person, a better friend. I feel like I've just been able to succeed in career-wise, you know, being able to get my bachelor's degree. Like, I just feel like there's just been so much more positivity that's come out of it because I've been able to move on.

SPEAKER_03 56:30

But you understand that that's a mindset. Some people are truly broken by this. And you you aren't, and it has a lot more to do with you choosing to tell, choosing to get help, choosing to advocate for yourself, hitting bottoms. Like you said, it's not pretty. Fucking healing is never pretty. Dealing with trauma is never pretty, and it never goes away. You never just are suddenly free of it. So it still is there, but you have learned how to deal with it, and you have chosen yourself and what life has to offer. So when we say like you're still alive and we choose, we choose to move on, you do. And again, I am not knocking people that go down the holes of like that's why people are drug addicts and and or are abusive, they end up being abusers themselves. There's a lot of other choices. This is not what you chose. Yeah, you chose this route. So don't sell yourself short on being like, oh, well, you know, I just it was fine and I did this. Like it was not fine. It was hell. You were not lucky, you were strong, and and it doesn't mean those other people weren't. Just sometimes things like this break a person, especially when it happens as a kid.

SPEAKER_00 57:38

I guess for me, I also just think about like I I wanted to share this story because obviously not everybody's gonna be in the same situations as I was in. But again, I do think that there was some luck in it, in that when my with my parents divorcing, I I was one of those kids that was like, yes, I'm so glad I don't have to be back with that lady. I'm so glad I get to be with my dad. I'm so glad that my dad took us away from that, essentially. Being able to be have the access to those resources and then finally listening to me about what happened and being able to give that grace to to heal. I'm lucky in that because unfortunately, there are some people that don't ever get to cut out or don't ever feel safe to finally find to to say anything even until their adulthood, where they're having to send it under the rug forever and act like it didn't happen forever. And then it ends up carrying into their relationships where now they're just on a they're literally on a a roll of like, well, I had this relationship was a year, like it's a year about two years. Yeah. Yeah. And you start to question, like, well, why is all my relationships failing? Well, I really truly like I've met a lot of people even today where I'm like, you've got to, you've got to address it. Address it. You have to. I know it sounds silly, but you have to.

SPEAKER_03 58:51

And that doesn't mean come on a podcast and talk about it. Clearly, this is not for most people.

SPEAKER_00 58:54

Girl, I mean, I was having a hard time even maybe even doing this. I know, you know, and I get that.

SPEAKER_03 58:58

But yeah, you also, I also told you, like, I don't want you to feel pressure. No. I think for you, this is just another step in your healing. And you, but you have to be at a place where you're comfortable with that and not feel again, at the end of the day, this is about you overcoming something horrific, literally a nightmare. Like, I I I don't even know where you find the strength. I just, I'm in awe of you, honestly. If you could go back and like tell young Sarah or any girl that is going through this or boy that's experiencing something like this, or even the adults that maybe haven't been able to address it or haven't been strong enough, somebody who might be experiencing this, what would you tell them to do if they could do anything different? Like if you could go back and do something different, would you?

SPEAKER_00 59:41

Um, if I could go back and do something different, I definitely would have probably, I would have said something. And I think I would say something and I would make it very clear to them that you want to feel safe and currently you don't feel safe, and you expressing what has happened to you is very uncomfortable. Tell a teacher, tell uh tell somebody you trust. And I would tell multiple people that you trust. I wouldn't just test tell one because unfortunately there are adults that don't move on that re on those outcries because they are unsure about what to do. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 1:00:16

Or well, and if they don't have a safe space at home, like you said, school counselors, teachers, they're supposed to, that's part of their job. They have to, they're required to report those things. Right. So know that you can do that. And even as a parent, advocate for your kids because sometimes they may not feel comfortable telling you because you're their parent, but they will feel comfortable telling a friend or a teacher or a counselor, and just having open conversations as well with your kids, I think, is huge.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:44

That and I just want to also say that I would obviously I don't ever want anybody to just jump the gun and be like, yep, you're being sexually abused. You know, I don't want that either. But I do ask for adults to be hypersensitive, like start keeping mental notes of when they you take your child to this place and how are they reacting going there? Just be a little bit more hypersensitive. Maybe nothing is going on, maybe you know, but why can't you just not send them to that place then? Like, couldn't you have found other alternatives? And it and it may not always be that, well, they're just spoiled and they just don't want to go because they don't want to go. That that's my ask for adults is just be hypersensitive toy. Open-minded that there is a reason why they're acting that way, you know what I mean? And and it may be annoying to you. Sure, it may be just because they didn't you wouldn't let them take a toy over there. I don't know, but just I I just really want people and adults to be hypersensitive about it. The other thing is, is if you see your child as promiscuous earlier on, like check in with them. I I really think that adults underestimate how much kids do want to tell you, but I don't feel like they ever have the time or capacity to express how they may or may not feel. And I'm not saying you need to like pull teeth, but even if it's just like 15 minutes or 10 minutes at night before they go to bed, just having an open conversation of being like, How was your day? Because if you start building that trust up, I guarantee you they'll start telling you something. And then the other thing that I even learned from Harmony Home, um, which is I know we're about to probably give some resources to people and families out there, but Harmony Home is uh a place uh here locally in Permian Basin that helps children that have endured, you know, some sort of crises and they connect them with resources or they are a counseling center, but they also do forensic interview and things like that for any investigations that are now dealing with police officers. I feel like you need to be able to, when somebody gives an does an outcry, please just believe them. Believe them. Don't question them, like be supportive. Don't don't question them. Honestly, you are not equipped to question them because you may question them in a wrong way where now they just shut down. That is why they have resources like Harmony Home, where you can connect them with people that know how to properly ask questions where they're not feeling like they're lying. Um, it's already a hard situation, and then it becomes a defensive situation sometimes. And then that goes back down to now they're rebellious even more than they would have been if you would have just believed them and connected them with the appropriate resources. Unfortunately, I'm sorry, parents, newsflash, y'all don't have all the answers. You know what I mean? We don't.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:35

No, you're right. And I will say, like, just to piggyback on that a little bit, I think them feeling safe in that space. There are certain things in my house. And again, this is from learning from other people's. I did not endure this. I have so many family members, you included as a friend slash family member. And like I said, um from my childhood, I remember at a young age learning about sexual abuse within a home. So for me, since I would my kids were very young, we would talk about their privates. I would tell them it's a penis, it's a vagina, people are not allowed to touch you there unless we go to the doctor. You do not keep secrets. You can tell me anything. I will always love you and reaffirming those things because little things like that, my kids tell me too much shit now, to be honest. They are oversharing like a motherfucker. And I love it, but sometimes I have to chuckle because I'm like, oh my God, I really don't need to know as specifically how your poop was. You don't have to tell me about the corn in it. But but it does open up that. And so anytime, even if their emotions shift, I do say, like, if anything's going on, you can tell me. And sometimes I randomly ask my kids, like, is somebody being mean to you? Has somebody hurt you? Talk to me. Like, we have regular conversations about it. Yeah. To the point that one time I took my child to the doctor and I told them, in the doctor setting, it is okay when we're at the doctor's office, or if obviously I was a nurse as well. So, like emergent events, there have been situations where I've had to look at their private or do something for them because of a health thing. Right. But other than that, I'm still I always am like, I'm gonna do this. Like I explained. Right. Whenever I took them to the doctor, the doctor went to check one of my children's private areas as part of like their physical. Clearly, no one, and they've had physicals every year, has never done this because they immediately screamed and they're like, No, stop, don't touch me. Oh wow, like immediately. And I was kind of a taken back, but I was also like, Let's get the same sex in here because that I think is number one. But then also, like, I'm clearly right there in the room, and I'm like, babe, this is just part of it. But if you don't want it, I understand. And they were like, they were comfortable with the same sex, so it was fine. But I I say all that to say they felt comfortable enough telling a doctor no, right when which is huge. It is that's most kids don't tell adults, no, absolutely not.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:48

So I'm just and that's intimidating to have two adults in the room.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:50

Absolutely, two, and I felt uncomfortable, so I was ready to be like, no, we're done. And then they said it was okay. Right. But my point is just I have given them as Much as I can to prepare them. And that doesn't mean it I'm like, God forbid, because I I feel like straight up I'm gonna end up in prison if some shit like this happens to my kids. Yeah. I'm not kidding. But I I hope that open conversations and and reading and even reading the things about using proper appropriate genitalia names because you call it a nickname. If the if this person's calling it something different, they don't know how to identify that when they're discussing it with you, especially very young. So I don't know, just some things to talk about. And again, if you have boys, you know the that the hypersexual thing, it's again, like you said, you can't blanket it if you boys touch your penises non-stop. Men touch your penises non-stop. Yeah, that is just part of be having a male. But there are certain indicators as they get older, and again, it's not just sexual, there are a lot of other things that are involved. We encourage you to definitely if you don't know, start reading if you have kids. Yeah. Because at this point, this is 18 and up. Most kids are not gonna hear this. But I will say I think it's really great for those have that have experience because only one third, and this I actually think it's way more than that. Right. Only one third of people actually turn in their abuser or report their abuser, which you did not report your childhood abuser. Right. So it's significantly more than that. That's just what the standard number is that they throw out. Right. Also, on top of the book that you gave, the body keep score. I will get the author, I'll put it on my blog. So if you're listening and you want that, please look into that. If this is something that is happening currently and you don't even know where to start, I actually looked up uh Rain, R-A-I-N-N. It's the Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network. And they have been open since July 8th, 1994. They took their first call for national sexual assault in that time. And again, that's crazy that that was what you were experiencing the year before, and that just started for adult adult people. So that is a number you can call is 1-800-656-HOPEHOPE. And then I also want to send you another resource. Specific, they're specifically related. Um, they do a lot with juvenile sexual abuse, but also like in the system, there's a multitude of things they cover on their website, and it's called helpsurvivors.org. And they actually also go over statute of limitations in different states. They talk about the different types of things because sometimes, like you said, in the room, because there wasn't penetration, because there's these things, there's all these questions on what counts and what doesn't. Right. And again, unfortunately, state to state, it varies what they call rape versus sexual assault versus different things. And that sucks because it changes it for the victim no matter where you go. This website actually breaks down some of that and they name other resources, including rain as one of them. So you are not alone.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:44

You do not have to be alone, you do not have to remain silent, especially if it's causing you to have uh all of this built-up trauma where you are self-harming, where you are depressed, where you're having mental health issues, or you're having problems with relationships, you don't know why your relationships are failing, or however it may be affecting you in your life. You know, you could be a 40-year-old woman and still have never visited what happened in your past. I highly encourage you visit it as hard as it is. I think it will be super healing to you as you get older.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:16

I think you're a s shining fucking example of that, babe, to those people that have endured it. There is a fucking life after this. And it doesn't mean you don't have to fight and scrape. And sometimes that trauma isn't revisited, but you can do this and you can get through it and you can have a beautiful life.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:31

Absolutely. I mean, it's led me to now, you know, just advocate for kids in general. And then having volunteered for Casa, I think for me, it's really help wanted me to help give back to the community. So I just love that there's these resources like rain and resources like Harmony Home, help connect people to getting the help that they need to be able to effectively move on in life and be hopefully their best selves because they're able to truly close that chapter in their life and not have to necessarily look back at it, you know, and only pull it when they need to help advocate for somebody else. This time, this today, I know I got a little emotional, but truly, um, it used to be that it was depilating to me to even think about the images of who he was. You know, I think I told you in prior conversations it affected even who I dated, you know. And so those things, like I just feel like the resources that I was able to gain as I grew up really helped me really truly move on into a happier, healthier adult. So you know, we have somebody that's younger that's going that through this that wouldn't be able to listen to this podcast, like connect these resources to them, read these books as parents, because it may not be necessarily your kids, but maybe it may be your niece, your nephew, maybe a neighbor down the road that you notice there's some weird things when they're hanging out with your kids' friend, you know, as a friend to your kid. Like, I just feel like as adults, we don't all need to just put our heads in the sand and be like, well, it's not my lane. No, not my lane.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:03

And that means even if it's not your child. You, if you are a victim, have been a victim, or you see somebody being victimized as an adult, you have you I think you should.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:13

You should absolutely I wish, I wish I had that. I I feel like in the 90s, we've definitely lived in the time, and I mean, even we talk about even in your podcasts prior to this, times even before us, um, in the 80s and the 50s, you know, all the way back then. It was so much worse with keeping your head in the sand and being like, nope, staying in my lane. That's their issue. Close the blinds and move on and ignore it.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:37

We're not getting involved, Sally.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:39

And I want to change that. Yeah, unless obviously it would cause you grave danger. Obviously, there are some parameters I I wouldn't when in doubt.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:48

Call fucking call the cops. Yeah, use your resources. That's all I'm trying to think. And use these resources. Use your resources. R-A-I-N-S, Rain.org, all right, helpysurvivors.org. Go check it out. Please go look at those. Next with Harmony Home, Harmony Home is in the Permian Basin in Texas. There are so many places. So just do that. I would the police. The fucking cops. Let's just start with the po.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:10

Let them conduct their their initial investigation.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:14

You know, let's say snitches don't get stitches. Snitches help fucking people stop being abused. Let's make that a saying. Yes, I do.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:26

I do. I tell even my nieces and nephew, like, I don't do the snitches get stitches shit. I can't do it.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:31

Snitches get a sticker because fuck yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:33

I'm like, guess what? You're gonna see them in prison later down the road. So your freedom is always gonna be That's where you're gonna need.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:40

I would I would refrain if you worked in a prison. Like snitches get stitched, does apply there.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:46

Yes, but does apply in prison, absolutely. But if you're not in prison, it does not apply. It doesn't apply here. No.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:53

Okay. So with that, see, we use our dark humor. Yeah. It's so funny. Look at us. We you know why we're funny? Trauma. It's fucking trauma.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:02

Freaking trauma, man.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:03

I know we did all the things. We've laughed, we've cried, we've done all of it. So if you want to be on this podcast and you have a traumatic story, a crazy story, a cringy story, it could be like I was a serial dater and I did all the things wrong. Once I have enough followers from 32 to maybe a hundred, I'll eventually start a subscription where I tell my cringy fucking shit most of them will be with Sarah because she put me on like farmersonly.com. There was just a slew of things that I did. All the wrong things, all the cringy things, and there's so many stories. But if you have those, those count. So email us at plot twistolive at gmail.com. Go to our socials, please follow us on Facebook, follow us on Instagram, and even the platform that you're listening on, if it's Spotify, if it's Apple, if it's Buzz Sprout, any of them that you find us on, please leave a review and an honest one. But bitch, you know I need a five star. So just go ahead and give it. Give them the five stars. It doesn't hurt.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:54

It's two seconds out of your feedback, y'all. We do.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:57

And also if there's any topics that you want to hear or you want me to get a guest that you, you know, hasn't, you know, hasn't really made you feel seen or heard, and you're not ready to come on a podcast, then let me know and I will find some because I know lots of motherfuckers. Okay. But let's end this the right way. We're gonna do a high five, still alive, and do your evil laugh.