Chapter 4: X: The Awakening

Final Chapter of a 4-Part Survival Series

 Krystal with a K closes the series where everything finally comes into focus. After the illusion, the distortion, and the addiction, this is where the pattern is fully exposed for what it is.

In X: The Awakening, she can finally name it all—love bombing, mirroring, gaslighting, devaluation, reactive abuse, discard, and hoovering. What once felt chaotic and confusing is now unmistakably a cycle. A system. A trap.

And once the pattern is seen, it cannot be unseen.

This is the moment of clarity—but not without consequence. Because in order for her to get out… the cycle had to continue on someone else...a 17 year old girl.

This chapter marks the end of a seven-year psychological horror story and the beginning of something new: awareness, truth, and survival beyond it.

Krystal with a K shares this story not for shock—but to help others recognize the patterns. For anyone still inside the fog, still questioning their reality, still trying to understand why leaving feels impossible.

Dark humor included, because sometimes survival comes with a sense of humor you didn’t ask for but absolutely earned.

⚠️ Trigger Warning: This episode contains discussion of psychological abuse, trauma bonding, coercion, and recovery from abuse. Recommended for listeners 18 and older.

If you or someone you know has experienced domestic violence, emotional abuse, or needs support or resources, please know help is available: https://www.plottwiststillalive.com/post/plot-twist-still-alive-survival-guide-x

This series is dedicated to survivors. THIS DOES NOT DEFINE YOU!!!

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:10

Lat twist. Still alive. If you made it this far, you didn't just listen, you survived it with me. Chapter 1, the perfect stranger, was the illusion. Chapter 2, The Upside Down, the Distortion. Chapter 3, the Addiction was the trap. And Chapter 4, this is the awakening. This is where everything clicks into place. Because now we know the pattern. We've seen every version of the monster: love bombing, mirroring, gaslighting, devaluation, reactive abuse, discard, hoovering. It's not random. It's not love. It's a cycle. And once you can name it, you can fight it. This isn't the kind of awakening that comes with peaceful music and soft lighting. Because in order for me to get out, he had to find someone else, another victim. And whether she knew it or not, she's the one who set me free. This is horror movie awakening. The lights are on, blood's all over the floor, and oh shit, it was never safe here energy. Sometimes something happens that rips you out of the illusion completely. The kind of moment that doesn't just open your eyes, it haunts you. That's where this chapter begins. You've made it to the end of the franchise, the final chapter. And yes, dark humor is still included free oh charge because apparently surviving a psychological horror turns you into someone with trust issues and the supernatural ability to detect red flags from three zip codes away. Trigger warning. This content is for 18 up audiences only and includes discussions of psychological abuse, trauma bonding, coercion, recovery from abuse. That is the moment that these fucking rose colored glasses that I had had on for years. They were like goggles strapped to your head. Wow fucking pieces. They turned into liquid, and then that liquid set on fire, and then that fire into ash. And then I ate the ashes and shit them back out. They were never coming back. They were gone. A 17-year-old girl, you showed me a naked picture of a 17-year-old girl. As soon as she told me that, I'm like, no, there's no way. Like I was defending it. I'm like, there's no way that's true. And she's like, Crystal, I know her family. I'm telling you. And this, Sarah had no reason to lie to me. She'd been in y'all's lives, though.

SPEAKER_00 2:35

I mean, could it have been possible that she even had been 16?

SPEAKER_01 2:38

I wondered how long it went on. So I didn't have those answers yet. All I know is I was fucking infuriated. I was disgusted. We have a daughter. I'm thinking if this was my kid, I'm going down that rabbit hole. I'd be fucking straight up in prison. That's what I'm thinking, right? And I I confront him that same day. I was like, uh, Baby Spice, that girl, she's not fucking 19, like you said, and in college, hasn't even graduated from high school. And he's like, Yeah, okay. And I'm like, no, seriously. I still have these text threads too, because the gaslighting that was happening in this fucking thing is unbelievable. You in that moment think he didn't know? He of mine said, Well, if she is, that's news to me. She lied to me too, I guess. And I was like, Stop fucking lying. You're caught. Stop fucking lying. You are disgusting. She is a teenage girl. You're a pedophile. I was going off. It was all via text. That was the key to setting me free. That is like the pivot. That is what I needed. He goes, Wow, well, you're clearly you're the psycho. You know more about her than I do. You stalker. And I was like, why can't you just fucking tell the truth for once in your fucking life? Just tell me the fucking truth. I said, You're a 33-year-old man, fucking a teenager. And he was like, Okay, I'll tell you the truth. And I'm I'm like, okay. And he's like, I'm technically 32 still. That was the truth. And I said something else, and he's like, Jesus. And I was on one. I was like, he sees you in your lies. I just wanted to make him admit it so badly. I need I wanted him to admit it. I needed him to admit it. And of course he did not. And uh he's like, Well, I guess I'll need to ask her her age now, but that's kind of embarrassing, don't you think? And just kept fucking with me about it. And so I said, I'm done with this shit. Your lies don't work on me. I'm fucking done. Don't let her watch my fucking kids. She is a teenage girl. I don't want your chaos and your crazy shit. I don't want anybody that you're fucking watching our kids on a whim. Like, I don't want them involved at all. And I stopped that conversation. And then I'm the cold one. I did not go back. There was not a time since I found that out that I went back to warm ever again, that I ever was intimate with him, ever again, that I ever did anything with him. He literally makes my skin cross still to this day. So two days go by and I'm about to go to work. Sarah reaches out and she's like, hey, I just want to let you know. Baby Spice's mom reached out to me and she saw that I was a mutual friend with you on Facebook. She asked how I knew you because her daughter came to her and told her about a relationship she's having with X. What do you want me to do? I thought about it and I said, you can have her call me or text me. That's fine. And so I get a Facebook message and it's from Baby Spice's mom and we'll call her Mama Spice. Mama Spice was like, I want to know about your ex-husband. And I just messaged her back and was like, honestly, there's nothing that I have to tell you that's going to be good. And so we made some time to talk and she filled me in and basically told me that a baby spice was, in fact, 17, up until a few weeks before, that she had come home and told her mom. She starts talking to me about sometimes she would babysit for our children, and she had met my one-year-old son. Her mom had met my one-year-old son. And I'm like, what the fuck do you mean? So there were these times that I had told him don't have this girl watch the kids because I found it awkward, especially when he started having sex with her. I had already told him not to have her watch him.

SPEAKER_00 6:06

Well, again, you had already even told him prior, stop bringing girls around my kids. Right.

SPEAKER_01 6:11

So to know that But now you disguised it as a babysitter. Right. And so to find out that my kids with somebody I don't even know. And if there was an emergency, they wouldn't be calling me. I'd had no I had no idea where my son was. He just was some random girl. She had not graduated from high school yet. And according to her mom, he had talked her into graduating early, but she still walked the stage in May. So this is now March or April. And fucking shocked. And I tell her I saw a naked picture of her daughter. And it was on his phone on Snapchat. And even then I questioned him about her age. And this was in January. And she's like, I need to go to the police about this. And I didn't know all the laws or the rules about all this shit. I do know that 17 in Texas is the age of consent, which should really fucking be changed if I'm being honest. I got a bone to pick with you, Texas. But whatever. The fact that there was a photo of an underage girl is a federal thing. It's child pornography still. She said, if I go to the police, will you give them a statement? And I I told her I needed to think about it. I wasn't, I wasn't sure. I needed to just think on some things. And she needed to let me know if she wanted to go to the police. Like we both thought, should I go? Should I not? Like, and I literally took me less than 24 hours. All I thought was, this man, his life might be ruined by this, but I owe him nothing. I don't owe him loyalty. I kept thinking if this was my child, if I was his mom. And I heard the pain and desperation in her voice, and she was scared for her daughter. And I was just like, if I don't do this, I will be going against once again what I think is right. And I won't do that ever again for this person, ever again. And so I, within a 24-hour period, let her know actually after my shift, it was like early in the morning. I'm like, I'll give a statement, I'll help you with whatever you need. And so those next few weeks, her daughter said she was moving out, she was gonna move with a friend. And then I warned her, I said, give give it a few weeks or a month. She's gonna be living with him, I promise you. And it's gonna move really quickly, and they're probably gonna end up married because at that point it all started clicking.

SPEAKER_00 8:08

I even remember Rudy telling me that X had called him and said, Have you heard the rumor? I'm supposedly dating a the babysitter. And it was like a joke, you know? And so it to me, it was just kind of like, are you trying to get ahead of the news?

SPEAKER_01 8:25

Are you trying to like what are what is And that's what I think happened with the mom? I think that Baby Spice went to Mama Spice because I had threatened to let her mom know. And they wanted to cut me off at the pass and tell their version of the story before I ever got to her. And he, in fact, a couple days later messaged me. I literally start reading books on narcissism. I listened to an audiobook. I will put this on my blog. It's called Becoming the Narcissist Worst Nightmare. It was life-changing for me.

SPEAKER_00 8:54

It sh it Yeah, because you shifted almost like totally away from even verbally talking to him.

SPEAKER_01 9:00

Yes, I would not talk to him on the phone at all. I only communicated through text. And at one point I finally went to email because he was being too intrusive. He was calling me, he was doing all types of shit. So she takes Baby Spice's phone from her and she starts going through it. And though she had deleted a lot of the text, she would save her texts under notes. So like she'd delete the text cards, but she'd save them. These texts were fucking horrifying. They were from back in December, a lot of the dates. So again, this is several months before she turns 18. And um there one of the texts was about her babysitting, and it was his address, but she said, I'm babysitting for a woman that's getting divorced. Her name is Crystal. And she told her mom, I'm babysitting, and it was his RV. She was staying in his RV. Not really his, actually, it was Mariah's RV. Yeah. Let's be real. Oh my gosh. So that was happening. And then there's another text in December. She's talking to a friend that and she's just telling her we had a conversation about all of his kinks, and I was drunk. So she's 17, underage, talking about sex with a 32-year-old man. I'm pr paraphrasing all of this, but basically the text is saying, Well, he told me that a lot of his kinks are because of his previous relationships. His first wife, she made him like group sex. And then his second wife, he actually was like very forceful. And every woman in his life has always made him feel like a piece of me. And that he actually had to put a sexual assault charge out against his ex-wife that he has kids with. And I'm like, what? What the there is no fucking legal evidence of anything because it didn't happen, number one. But also I'm just like, now he's taking this lie and it just like he's creating an entire narrative. Yes. And just like it that would get into a young girl's pants. To prey on a young girl. Yes. And all of those feelings I felt about ginger spice, his first wife, about the people in it in her home, all of that. Now I was her. Now I was in her shoes with him making up these claims. He starts doing the flying monkeys thing. So during this time, it really reignited. He didn't really do a lot of the flying monkeys during the divorce because I was trying to just quietly get through it, then I'm diagnosed, right? And so he starts reaching out to you guys. He's reaching out to all of our mutual friends, really laying it on thick that I've been crazy. I'm psycho. I'm having all these problems. But I really also think he was fishing for any sort of information about me knowing about this teenage girl because I was stonewalling him. I was not communicating with him at all. Finally, I got my fucking senses. And can I have a round of applause from you that are listening? Yay. Yeah, I'm reading, I'm listening to this audiobook. It's very validating, especially, especially about the sexual stuff that really got with me, got to me, especially after reading those text messages where he's taking, he's telling her he would like for her to go sleep with another man and for her to do these things. I don't know enough about her to know if she was sexually active or not. But I do believe this was her first serious relationship for sure, from what I understood. She's out of all of us, absolutely the most victim of all of this. All of the text messages and the time frames, those help to prove that he was with her. He knew how old she was. Again, it was sickening. It was sickening for me. I'm like, what if a man did this to our child, you know? So in the midst of all of this, I find out I have to do chemotherapy. And I'm throwing that curveball. Again, if you've listened to Frank and Titty's, you know, if you haven't, get your shit together and go listen to Frank and Titty's. All of these text messages are being given to this detective, and my life's a fucking chit show, right? And so all of this, like when we talk about this being the awakening, this was it. The book, the mom validating me. I cried every night. I was having multiple panic attacks. Again, I was sick as fuck, listening to this audiobook, reliving the trauma that I had. It was so bad. I feel like this was your bottom that I hit rock bottom for sure. This is this is the darkest place I've ever been in my life. And I wanted control so badly of all of it. He was telling me he wasn't with her, and then two weeks later he's messaging me, mind you, I'm not even responding, telling me even an 18-year-old is healthier than you. I'm gonna give this a shot. I'm getting chemo. I'm sick as fuck. I can't take care of my kids. I'm there's a fucking case open on my ex-husband, and I do think about the consequences for my kids, but I'm also like, what kind of person am I? And what kind of example am I setting if I don't back the what's right, you know? And it was never about sticking it to him. It was about holding him accountable for what he was doing, which was being a fucking predator. But yeah, yeah, for sure. This was rock bottom. Like the trauma was like really fucked. That is what's really the most fucked up, is like that was still a point of reference for sex. I felt so fucked up. Like, what's wrong with me? But then when I read this book, someone else described that. And I felt seen, I felt validated, and I think that's why I'm saying it now because it's fucking crazy. It's insane. And it made me sick that I still thought about him. And now there's no way. There's no way, but this goes on for months. I hit the rock bottom, and then I find the acceptance portion of that, right? Like I can't control any of this. The case is gonna happen or it's not. He's gonna be with this girl and do what he does with this girl. I had no anger towards her at all. There were moments I was frustrated because she wholeheartedly believed everything he said, but I couldn't even be mad at her because I did too. I believed everything he told me about ginger spice, I believed everything he told me about scary spice, I believed everything. He told me every time. I mean, you still you believed him even like after he accused me of rape. Yeah, after he put his hands on me and got physically violent with me, after he held me hostage with the fucking saying he was gonna harm himself, after he coerced me into multiple times doing things sexually that I was extremely uncomfortable with. And yes, I still believed him. And so how the fuck could I hold it against somebody who was 17 years old and had no life experience? Yeah. The only times that we did butt heads is because he would literally put us in the email together when we finally went back to texting the text threads together because he would prod at me or poke at me and he wanted to show her I would mama bear out. And I always would. About my kids, I would, but I got very tactful. I learned a lot of things on how to communicate with them. You don't apologize, you don't take responsibility, you keep it very short, factual, you do not react to what they're saying.

SPEAKER_00 15:26

Just a very matter-of-fact way.

SPEAKER_01 15:29

And what sucks is at the end of the book, I'm hoping I'm gonna get to the end of this and I'm gonna figure out a ruin this fucker's life like he has mine. And I that's the only thing missing from the book. Right. That's the only no, it's not missing. The true way to become the worst nice the narcissist's worst nightmare is to live a happy life, just be happy. And I'm like, this is some bullshit. Like, I was so fucking mad. Yeah, I was angry for weeks. Like, there's gotta be some hidden beings on here. This is bullshit. I need another book about anger and yeah, how do I over years? How do I like really fuck up his life? But it's true because the less I communicated and the more I learned how to gray rock him, which is a method that I will put on my blog as well. There's the jade method. I learned about these different methods and how to interact with him, and it minimized his ability to control me. And the crazy part was I became someone I didn't even recognize anymore. I became a new me. And in the midst of chemo, I've told you guys so many times about Jen. I met her, and I want to say that her organization really is what pulled me out of that hole. Finding purpose and my cancer pulled me out of that hole. I realized that I could make an impact on other people's lives and all the fucked up, horrible things that he ever told me and said about me and told me I was not a good nurse because I couldn't understand depression. And I was a fucked up person and I was an alcoholic, and I was I was the abusive one. All of these things. I was none of those things. I was a good person. I was powerful. I could help advocate for people, I could use my hurt, my pain, not to hurt other people, but to help other people. And I couldn't save Baby Spice just like nobody could save me, right? You couldn't.

SPEAKER_00 17:06

Well, that's what I was gonna say. With Baby Spice, did the investigation ever go anywhere?

SPEAKER_01 17:11

Yeah, finally, a few months after, probably five months, it was four or five months, and I had finally found a good place in my life. They ended up sending a letter to myself and Mama Spice, her mom, saying that the investigation was closed. And I talked to the detective personally, and he basically was like, listen, I'm really sorry, but there are no there's really no way for me to prove it. He could have gotten a new phone by now by now, Snapchat. Like it's one photo that they it's not like tons of photos. They didn't have enough to get a warrant to even search his phone. He did question him, which I would have loved to be a fly on the fucking wall. I bet his butthole was tight so tight.

SPEAKER_00 17:46

Yeah, because wasn't there like a phone call with X that said, You forced me, I have to marry her now?

SPEAKER_01 17:54

Wasn't a phone call. We were at my daughter's Thanksgiving thing at school, and this was months later. So I had reclaimed myself. I knew who I was at that point, and I never fucking went anywhere in person without recording him to this day. I I and if he was listening, great. He won't know I'm talking about him because our sister know. But I'd be like, there's no way. I recorded him and he was throwing shade a little bit the whole time. I'm fucking wearing a rig wig, like I'm full throes of chemo at this point. And they're living together and all of that, and he's trying to say little things like, Well, somebody had to call the cops on us, somebody had an investigation out on us in front of the kids at the school, and I'm not feeding it, not saying a word, just like, okay, let me help you cut your turkey. And so then we go to leave. And let me just say, this is not an easy thing to do. It takes a lot of practice. My insides, I still, every time I see them, I when I say I don't get afraid, everything inside of me is on fire now. And I realize that somewhere in my life, I learned to ignore those things. And when I say my fight or flight was broken, I think I forced my body to ignore that. I stopped. I feel like I'm so intuitive now because I finally stopped ignoring that. But I still get that with him to this day because I know exactly what he is, and I will never allow him anywhere near me again in any capacity, not even as a pretend friendship. I don't owe him shit. So as we were walking out of the school, I'm recording the entire thing. He brings up, I'm calling the cops again to me, and I said, Listen, you had sex with a 17-year-old girl. Of course I called the cops, and I'd absolutely do it again. I'm not embarrassed. I don't care. You should be in trouble. That's wrong. If somebody did that to my daughter, it would be disgusting. I would never tolerate that. I don't know how the fuck you think that's okay. We're in the parking lot of the kids' school, right? And by the way, I have my son, he's only two. He's with me though, while this is happening. I'm trying to walk to my car and he's following me to my car, just talking to me, talking shit to me, trying to get a reaction out of me. And who knows, he could have been recording me too, because I know that he definitely any reaction he could get helped prove that I was the crazy one, that I was a problem. And I go to the car and I'm putting my son in the car and he starts just rattling off all of these things. I had found out they had gotten married. I said that to him. I said, Look, y'all are married. You married a teenage girl. And he goes, Well, I really didn't have a choice now, did I? And he also tried to tell me that she had lied to him about her age. I shut the door, I put the baby in the car, and I just looked at him, I said, X, I start laughing because finally, like that that fight or flight inside of me, that fire, it always eventually, the more I realize that I'm upsetting him by not reacting, it's like he powers me up. Like he's like, I'm charging my battery, and I'm like, all right, bitch, now I'm the Hulk, you know. Like it felt so liberating. I just looked at him and I was like doing my whole hand clap. I'm like, your lies don't work on me. I don't believe you. Yeah. I'm literally telling him this to his face. I felt so fucking good. I felt amazing. And he was pissed, and I just pulled off.

SPEAKER_00 20:59

Yeah. And that was the the nail in the coffin as well for Rudy and I. Not that we ever entertained it after he was trying to gaslight me. That was it for me, right? But for Rudy, it was like you were just joking about being with a quote unquote babysitter.

SPEAKER_01 21:16

He wasn't joking.

SPEAKER_00 21:17

Right. But to us, it was like, well, you just got married with that to that girl. Like, well, and that's how how halfable is that? That's everything though.

SPEAKER_01 21:26

Look at all of that. Look at what happened with Ginger. Look at Mariah, the RV girl that he he only went on one date with, right? But then he's living in her RV six months later. Right. That was his RV. Oh no, now it's her RV. I will say this. There was a time when I was still in that dark space where I was researching all these things, trying to get as much as I could for this detective. And I reached out to several women that I knew he was with to warn them. I said, he is now with a 17 year old girl. I outed him to six or seven women that I found in his phone and then found online because remember, I told you I looked at his phone. And again, I did the whole, I'm gonna warn these. Women thing. And believe it or not, I think about half of them actually responded and said, Thank you for telling me this. The one that he worked with literally said, I know exactly what he is. I cannot be involved in this. She had some other family stuff. She's just like, I can't deal with this. And I was like, I understand. I respect that. I always liked you. Like, I wasn't mad. I never came at any of these women mad at them. And I even warned Baby Spice, her best friend. I was like, you need to be careful. Your friend is being used and manipulated, and this is inappropriate. I was sending her text after text of while that were overlapping that in that spring, while he's sleeping with her and doing these things with her, he's also simultaneously trying to fix our family and come be with me and trying to talk his way back into my life while he's doing that with her. God knows what he told her. But cat's out of the bag now, bitch. So did the friend believe you? She told me stop. She's like, Stop sending me this. I don't care. I don't care. I don't know if she ever told her or not. No idea. But if she didn't, she is not a Sarah. She is not a ride or die. She's not a good friend. But she was also a teenage girl, too. I don't co-parent. I parallel parent with him. And while Baby Spice was there, she took really great care of my kids. While Baby Spice was there, my kids were clothed, fed, cooked for.

SPEAKER_00 23:14

They thought of her very highly.

SPEAKER_01 23:15

But I also felt really, really sad for her because I thought you should be in college right now. You should be dating for the first time. You should not be a mom to children.

SPEAKER_00 23:25

And taking care of a very, very wounded person.

SPEAKER_01 23:30

Every six months or so he'd try to stir up some drama or some bullshit. Sometimes it would work, sometimes it wouldn't. It would depend directly on if it affected the kids. If it affected the kids, yes, I would have an issue. But it was like he would get bored. He'd need some fuel for his his.

SPEAKER_00 23:45

But you even saw the narcissistic traits of isolation and all that, even within their marriage.

SPEAKER_01 23:51

Yes, this happened in our marriage. He always ended up with just one car. We never had any money. She ends up not working. He didn't want me working. So no car, not working, no, no money. And so you're trapped, right? And that's kind of the same thing. That's what happened. She eventually they only had one vehicle. Again, I don't know the ins and outs of that. After the the situation with the cops and everything, her mom and I distanced ourselves. We still have respect for each other. I told her, you need to have a relationship with your daughter. She was isolated. We did touch base occasionally, but she was very isolated.

SPEAKER_00 24:21

You know, they're married and no in normal married relationships, at least from what I've seen, they can get to a place where they can healthily co-parent. Not necessarily that they're going to Thanksgiving dinner together and things like that, but that there are open communication in regards to the children. And I do remember specifically that X would not allow her to text you, or you guys could not have any conversation without everything had to go through X.

SPEAKER_01 24:49

Yes. They even decided to put my youngest, who again didn't talk very much, into daycare without my knowledge. I was not on the emergency contact. It went directly against the decree. And I only found out about it because my daughter knows neighborhoods, and she was like, Oh, that's where her brother goes to school. And I'm like, I'm sorry, what? And I had to fucking find that out, figure that out, contact them, and tell them, hey, I'm his mom. I'm his mom. Guess it was emergency contact, baby spice, not me. And then when I confront X, X once again gaslights me, tells me, Oh yeah, like that's where he goes to school. No big deal. And so they took him out pretty quickly because I went, met the person, told her exactly what was going on, told her the truth, and then they pulled him out within a week. But you know, fast forward, um, they get in a crash, he breaks the same leg that he broke jumping out of the airplane. Mind you, that leg was also compared to my cancer diagnosis. And why are people raising money for you? Why do people feel sorry for you? Why do they want to help you? I broke my leg. I shattered my leg. My life is ruined. And this is worse than an amputation.

SPEAKER_00 25:51

Nobody supports me. Right.

SPEAKER_01 25:53

All of the things the way that they do you. Yeah. And so I get a call from his friend on the way back. We were driving back to Texas. We were going to Colorado. He is like, hey, X was just in Iraq.

SPEAKER_00 26:04

And when you say you, we were driving.

SPEAKER_01 26:07

My daughter and I, we took a mother-daughter trip. And at this point, I'm actually dating Drew. I did tell people that I was dating about X and the relationship dynamic because a lot of people look at my relationship with him and they're like, Why can't you just get along with him? A lot of people looked at my cancer journey and they're like, all of this is too much baggage. It's baggage. You're damaged. Men would treat me that way. Drew was a person that didn't, and he's literally a fucking godsend. We may be flawed, we may have our issues, but he never questioned me. He never doubted any of this. He knows everything that I'm talking about. I did worry a little bit about putting this out because I don't want to ever have anyone judge him for being with me. But I think anyone that is compassionate would fucking listen to this and be like, wow, that that must have been a really hard like you're basically brainwashed in a relationship and that sucks.

SPEAKER_00 26:53

Yeah, because I can only imagine somebody feeling scared even entering into a relationship with you because they have the unknown of like, is it really that other person or is it possibly that they're the issue?

SPEAKER_01 27:04

And I knew how it sounded. And there's times I still feel petty, but long story short, they got into a wreck. Baby Spice's injuries were far worse. I did offer to keep the kids for several weeks while they recovered. They were in the hospital for like two weeks. She had broken both of her wrists and something was wrong with her neck. And so X asks me to bring the kids by so they could see them. And that was technically his time when he was supposed to keep them. And again, that was the only time I actually felt comfortable going a couple times to their home just to let the kids visit in that moment because my kids were asking. They wanted to see them. They were worried about both of them. They love baby spies. And their love, I never tried to interfere in that. They have the right to love their dad. They have the right to love whoever he's with. But going into that house, I still kind of just kept my wall up and it was for them. I was solely there for them to visit. My ex is sitting on the couch sobbing. He has two friends, including the one that was Hannah Montana's boyfriend, sitting in the house, two men, not doing shit. He's sitting there sobbing with his foot up, telling me how horrible his life is, how he's gonna have to get his leg cut off, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, which he's been trying to do for over two and a half years. And by the way, the other car crash, it was fatal. The other guy died. Um, so it was really severe, really serious. And I see her, she looks way worse than him. She's literally waiting on him. I brought donuts over just to like help give the kids food. And again, I'm trying to really just make my kids feel okay because they were very fucking scared about all this. I'll do anything for my kids, including fucking take donuts to their house occasionally. And she was in like the neck brace or she had a neck brace on and both of her wrists looked like she'd had surgery. I don't know, but she's standing up, walking around, basically fucking mummified and wrapped up in shit, waiting on him, giving him donuts, kidding the kids food. And these fucking two guys are there, quote, supposed to be helping, and not. So I keep the kids an extended period of time. But when I left, this is gonna sound fucked up. I think out loud, I was just like, thank God, thanked God for not being in that relationship anymore. Because that would have been me. That would have been me. And while I thought that and I was almost like happy, I felt myself just smiling, like, thank fucking God. And then the next thing it was a wave of feeling so sad for her. Holy shit, she's like 20 years old, and this is her life. And I knew I just had a feeling eventually she wouldn't be there anymore. Sure enough, four years go by, she turns 21, she could buy her own alcohol, and she's fucking outie, 5,000. And I don't know exactly what happened in that either. Because again, her mom and I, she really didn't talk to her mom because I think that she thought her mom and I were talking all the time, and that wasn't the case at all. We only spoke initially and then touched base occasionally just to say, How are you?

SPEAKER_00 29:51

But like genuinely in their lives, not necessarily to to visit about baby spice. It was more just because you how are you literally formed? We bonded over this shit as moms, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:02

Yeah, and that being said, I knew that if it were me and I needed to have a relationship with my daughter, whoever else comes second. And so I believe her daughter came back around. I hope.

SPEAKER_00 30:11

And you encouraged that, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:12

Yeah, and I told her we need to just stop being friends at any point. That's fine with me. And so that's kind of what happened. And I respect that, I understand that, and I'm glad because you need your mom in that scenario. And so all I know is that she left because my kids came home and my daughter was nine at that point, and she had had this woman in, or it's hard for me to call her a woman, but not because there's anything wrong with her, this person there for four years. And my son from one to five had had her, and they were heartbroken. They fucking cried, they were heartbroken. I had to pick up the pieces from that. And then sure enough, then a couple weeks of them telling me that she's gone, she left in the middle of the night, they said. She didn't even say goodbye, they said. So I'm like, what the fuck happened that made that happen? Because I've lived in those behind closed doors scenarios and I know exactly what he's capable of. God, I hope I don't know, but I'm glad whatever it was, she got the fuck out. But I'm picking up the pieces. My daughter begged me to call. She wanted me to call Baby Spice six months, crying, begging me. It broke my heart. And I just told her that was the point in which I realized I had to be honest with my kids somewhat and be like, listen, honey, she's she was very young and she shouldn't be in that position because their dad was telling them something different. Their dad was telling them, oh, she was always mean to you anyway, to my oldest daughter, and she was always putting you down anyway. My kids glowed. They talked about her all the time. They thought she was the bee's knees. And he even tried to call me, which again, I have all of this recorded. He calls me and he's telling me, So I think I want to move to Colorado. I don't know her. And I think I'm gonna get an RV. And I'm thinking, oh, here we go. I was upset that my kids were heartbroken, but I was not upset with him wanting to leave the state. I was more upset that he was talking about trying to homeschool them and then just wanted to go.

SPEAKER_00 31:56

You were upset by this because you knew this was gonna impact your kids. Right.

SPEAKER_01 32:00

And I'm like, you're not fucking taking my kids to live in an RV in some random ass place. It's not happening. And he's so up and down. So when she was gone, there started to be more neglectful things happening. He wouldn't bathe the kids for four and five days. He would not dress them while they'd look grungy and dirty. The dinners they were having, the things they was they're like eating ramen and hot dogs every night. And then on top of that, they're missing her. And he's telling them she wasn't treating y'all well anyway. Gaslighting. Trying to paint another gaslighting about baby spice. And that pisses me off because they're children, you know. But from the research that I've done, people like this typically treat their kids that same way. And when they're young, they idolize the parent. And as they get older and become their own people, that's when it really shifts, and you see a change in that parent's parenting. But neither here nor there at this point. I just told my daughter she needs to guard her heart more. And then when he called me and told me all that, I told him, I've only ever heard good things about baby spice. That's none of my business what happened with y'all. I was so like matter-of-fact again. And he was trying to tell me things. He wanted to paint the narrative, and I just shut him down. He's like, Well, you know, she was really hard on our daughter, and I think this is healthier for her because she'll be in a place with a lot more love now. I said, Well, honestly, that's on you. If you were allowing that to happen in your home, and he goes, Well, I mean, she didn't abuse him or anything. And I said, I would hope not because you should be protecting him of that. And all I can say is the kids only had nice things to say about baby spies, and I left it at that. I would not allow him to pull me in or even fucking give him the idea that I would entertain that shit. Like, cut off. Absolutely not. Like, I don't want to hear. I don't care. I don't care what you say because nothing you say is true. So that was hard to watch. I told my daughter to guard her heart and that she didn't have to fall in love with every person that came into her her father's life. And I also knew that this would not be the last time. So of course he says, I'm never getting married again, and I'm never gonna be with anybody else. And he's dated a few people since. That had been a couple of years ago, and he hadn't been married, but he had had several women come and go, babysitters again. They were older, though, they were of age. I will give him that. The ones I knew about anyway. I don't know what what else was going on. But fast forward to today, I'm in a healthy marriage. I know way more than I ever thought I would about narcissism, narcissistic personality disorder, personality disorders in general, the cycle of abuse that comes along with that. Again, I cannot say he's a narcissist because I am not legally licensed to do so. But I will say there are a lot of narcissistic qualities. And example A and B are these episodes. This is my perspective, but I don't really care because I'm finally at a place in my life where I don't have to worry about if people believe me or not because I know exactly what happened and I believe my own narrative, and I don't live in an altered world anymore. So I parallel parent with him. And there are several books.

SPEAKER_00 34:48

And that was actually recommended to you to parallel parents.

SPEAKER_01 34:50

That was recommended through the reading that I've done. And then I reaffirmed that with counseling. I want to recommend counseling. I want to recommend parallel parenting. I want to recommend it.

SPEAKER_00 34:58

Which I never heard of that.

SPEAKER_01 35:00

Yeah, you basically accept that you have no control of what happens over there. Short of the kids being harmed or neglected, you really don't communicate with them hardly at all. You don't plan anything together. Like you parent your way, they parent their way, and they don't cross, you don't come together. It's not a co-parenting scenario, but it is low conflict. It makes it very low conflict, which is ideal for a relationship like this. So he is now married again. This is his fourth marriage. I don't know a lot about this person, but I can only hope that at some point she does get out. She does have children, and I hope that she's able to eventually see what it is and leave. But there's also that part of me that my children love her and they are already attached to her again. And um, I'm gonna be the one that picks up the pieces when it doesn't work. But I never ever blame a woman for leaving him because of how he is and how horrendous he is. So I'm assuming she thinks that I'm a rapist, that she thinks I'm the abusive one. And yeah, all these I don't don't care. I don't care. And I hope that she knows that one day, if they do end up breaking up, eventually she will be the bad guy in the narrative. And ladies and gentlemen, if every ex in the past, they were the issue, they were the crazy one, they were the problem, probably is the person telling the story. I would look into that.

SPEAKER_00 36:18

It's always one-sided. There's never any ownership. Truly and honestly, I don't think I ever heard any sort of ownership.

SPEAKER_01 36:27

The idea that he would say that the 17-year-old that he preyed on, because again, it's predatory and groomed, that he would even try to shift blame and put that on her. Anyone that believes that, as a mom, too, if you're a mom, especially if you have girls, why the fuck wouldn't your first question be like, why were you with a 17-year-old? Because that would be my first question. I wouldn't want to touch you. So I'm imagining that any woman that he comes across, possibly including his new wife, has no idea that this girl was 17 years old when this started. Has no clue, has no idea. There's no legal paperwork out there saying that the the detectives, and other than the letter that I received, which I still have, there's nothing proving that he was with her. I also have texts that say that as well, but they don't have no of that. They don't have any of that. They may never know. And all the girls he dated may never know. I don't know, unless they come across this fucking podcast, I guess. But I want to just thank everyone for sticking it out. This is really scary for me.

SPEAKER_00 37:23

I'm very, very proud of you. I mean, this is a story that you've been wanting to tell. I'm just really glad that you finally got the courage to I hope this has been therapeutic for you. And I hope that this also serves as your final story so that you don't ever have to tell. And anybody that even wants to know or anything that can just re-relisten to this podcast because I could tell that even just talking through this has been therapeutic, uh healing, but it you still sort of question too like when is he going to be revealed? When is he going to be revealed by everybody? And you can prevent anybody else ever falling victim of him again. Because you're such a caring person, I just feel like this is finally your final like let go.

SPEAKER_01 38:08

Yeah, I I feel like that too. I it doesn't have to be him, if that makes sense. Anyone like him. Yeah. Women, men, oh, yeah, anyone like him. If somebody listens to this and they are able to recognize this and or get the strength to leave based on this, great. I I want that to happen for them. I will say, I will say this. Though I didn't deserve those things that happen, my continuous poor decision making, that was the part I had to fix. The counseling and therapy that I went to was for me to figure out how to not allow those boundary crossings again. I am a work in progress. This year I feel like discernment and boundary crossing has been the first time in my life I'm like becoming a master of it. I finally figured it out. Fucking 40 years old, guys. So like there is room for that growth, but I had to go to counseling, a lot of therapy. That internal voice that tells me I'm not good enough is always there. She will always be there. I hate that bitch. She's an asshole. But and that idea that I had to push down that feeling and ignore that intuitive feeling. Don't ignore what your gut's telling you. Don't ignore the red flags. Don't ignore the yellow flags. When you're dating them, should not throw off alarm signals. And I know that there's this part of it, the butterflies and all that. That isn't real, that isn't really something you should be having. You should feel consistency. You should be confident in this person. Someone should earn your trust. It should not be just gifted to them. You are worth more than that. And if someone they are putting their hands on you or they push you, push you, push you, and you do something that's reactive, because again, that's reactive abuse. And then you're physical or you're violent or you're screaming or you're throwing fucking dirty diapers in the back of their truck or whatever you're doing, get the fuck out. That is not a healthy relationship dynamic. That is not healthy for you.

SPEAKER_00 39:47

No, they're pulling the worst out of you instead of the best out of you. I know there was a lot of disappointment in some of the friendships that you did lose. I I feel like there are two groups of people. I do believe there's some friendships that truly just left because they just couldn't handle the chaos anymore. But then the friends that really believed in all of the stories that he told and painted you out to be this person. Is there something you would tell the people that friendships that you lost? And I wouldn't even say lost because I think that you're comfortable and you're fine with that outcome. Is there anything you would tell to this group of people versus this group of people?

SPEAKER_01 40:22

So the people that left because we were too much and we were chaotic, I understand. Like I said, when I talk about all this, it really shows how good of a friend you really are because even the people that love you after a while, they're like, you're just doing this like over and over and you're putting yourself through this. And it's hard for them to watch somebody they love get hurt over and over and over. I've been in those positions myself. I completely understand, and I'm not blame anyone for not being my friend in that regard. For the people that chose to believe X's lies and the things that he said about me that were so horrific, I have nothing to say because honestly, if they could believe that I would do any of those things, they didn't know me to begin with, and they did me the favor of stepping out of my life. And I will say that two specific people, Hannah Montana and the other one that I told about the whole sexual, I did write them and I did have conversations with one of them specifically, and I basically told them, I don't have room for people like you in my life anymore. I don't need to legitimize myself. If you want to believe this, that's fine. You don't need to be in the middle. I value the time that we did have together. It was a season, and good luck to you. But also, if you're still friends with him, good fucking luck. I guess that's what I say. Good luck.

SPEAKER_00 41:32

Is there anything that you want to say to the women, to the spice girls?

SPEAKER_01 41:37

I really, really, really want to zigzag, ah. No. I, yeah, I want to apologize to Ginger Spice and Scary Spice. I believed the narrative, hook, line, and sinker. I'm sorry for whatever pain that I caused either of them. I hold a lot of guilt to that still because I know, especially with ginger, I rubbed salt in her wound. I don't know if she's ever been validated from that relationship. And God, I mean, I don't know if she would ever listen to this, but I hope that you know, like you are valid. And even to Baby Spice, I never held anything against you. Thank you for being so kind to my children. Thank you for loving them. I want you to be free, girl. Like go to college, do all the things. This trauma will always stay with me. I can't escape it, but I do know how to manage it now. And as much as I hate to say that, I know that probably all of them, especially young people like her, that might be something that stays too. But I want all of them, all of them, including the newest wife, that I hope gets the courage to leave and future wives, future wives, and not just for the spice girls, but anyone that can really and have been in relationships where they have been treated in this way or had that cycle occur. I want you to know that this might be something that's always with you and this trauma might always live inside of you, but it doesn't need to fucking define you. And the minute that you can find purpose in it and use your story to help somebody, it does not have to be like this on a podcast. I know I'm fucking wild and crazy. I got it. But it can be you have a friend that you're watching go through it. It can be, I left this relationship and now I'm talking to my children about what abusive relationship looks like. And I'm making sure and ensuring they are never treated that way and they're not exposed to that. That is enough. So don't allow this to define you. The worst things about you and the worst decisions that you made are not who you are. You are so much more than that. I am so much more than all the bad choices and all of the fucked up things and all of the things that I'm ashamed of. I'm not anymore because all those things led me to the person that I am now, and I'm fucking proud of who I am. And I will never ever be in that position again.

SPEAKER_00 43:33

Oh, and I'm I'm very proud of you. I think even through this relationship, I've learned a lot from you from setting healthy boundaries through this relationship, but even just relationships with family and friends. I really look to you on asserting boundaries and being confident in creating that space to be okay with those decisions. Some people on the outside looking think, well, why would you do that? Like family is this. I've had, why can't you just get along?

SPEAKER_01 43:58

Why can't you just why can't you? Why can't you for a moment understand till you've been in my shoes and you've walked that walked and you've you've been in a relationship like this, you won't understand. And honestly, it's just like with my breast cancer diagnosis. I don't ever want anyone to have to understand what this feels like.

SPEAKER_00 44:17

Right. I think people need to know too. It's not for the lack of trying. Those boundaries were set, not almost immediately. I think it's also trusting that those boundaries were set because he continued to be that person.

SPEAKER_01 44:30

So it's up to me to protect myself. I can't expect him to do it anymore because I've learned nothing then. And I think one more big thing I want to say just because these things happen to you, you know, a lot of people go, Oh, I'm weak. I'm a weak person. They they've preyed on me because I'm a victim. I'm weak. They look for bright lights, they look for strong people, they look for empathetic people, they look for smart, intelligent people. I d I think I'm a very strong person. I think I'm smart. I think I'm kind. I think I'm empathetic. I'm all of those things. Well, I think they literally target forgiving people. Absolutely. But I do think that there is a little bit to be said. I do, and on top of just the victimization portion of it, how much better must it feel to break down a strong person with a bright light?

SPEAKER_00 45:17

The misconception too is people will t say, I am a nice person. Nice person. Learning that I can be nice, but I can also be assertive. Don't take my nice don't mistake my kindness for weaknesses. Correct.

SPEAKER_01 45:28

You know me. I'm not good with the It's the Filipino. What are you gonna do? The same Filipino in you. Yeah, and I guess the last thing I would say, this is to X. You can't break me. You're never gonna break me. I'm still fucking standing. Plot twist, bitch. I'm still alive. Thank you for making cancer seem a lot easier. I appreciate you.

SPEAKER_00 45:48

I feel like all the healing that you've had to do has created you to be a better wife and woman. I feel like you're a better version of yourself having gone through all of that. I think for me to think true also.

SPEAKER_01 45:59

Babe, I know you listen to my podcast and I drag you into doing them with me sometimes. And I give you shit. Again, we're not perfect, but he has never tried to dip my light. He just like he loves it. Like he loves my light. He's so proud of me. He never berates me, never tries to talk down to me. I have never been sound like my ex. I've never been loved in this way. I've never had somebody love me for me. And even in doing this podcast, so many men would be so insecure to have their wife talk about sexual things and, you know, worry about what that might look like and all of that. He's never once tried to filter me or make me do something that I didn't want to do. And he loves me in spite of knowing all of these things and accepts me. And most importantly, helps keep those solid boundaries with X as well. We're both like fucking stiff arm. No. And thank you for also teaching my children what a healthy relationship is and what a good parent, a good man looks like because they needed that. So yeah, and that's fucking all I have to say about that. Thank you, 32 fans. So if you have any questions, you're gonna follow up with email at uh plotwistillalive at gmail.com. Please check out our social media, follow us for fuck's sake. Comment. Yeah, if you're literally listening to all of this, you owe me a follow. You know way more about me than most people do. So fucking follow me so we can be friends on Facebook and Instagram, as well as TikTok. It's cringy. I know, I don't give a fuck. So is this whole podcast? If you have any questions or you're going through something like this and you need somebody to talk to, or you need more resources, check out our blog, but you can also reach out to us via email or DM us in one of our social medias. So now you're gonna go, all right, so let's end it the right way. All right, so let's end it the right way.

SPEAKER_00 47:39

And we're gonna do a we're gonna do a high five and our evil laughs. Still alive. Okay, no. See, you're just gonna have to do it. And do the evil laugh.

SPEAKER_01 47:58

You're fucking adorable. Thank you for listening to our four-part series of X. You or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, please check out our blog at www.plotwiststillalive.com for national resources on domestic violence, suicide prevention, and the abuse cycles. Domestic violence is never okay.