Plot Twist: Still Alive
Ever had a moment you weren’t sure you’d survive—or one so awkward you wished the earth would swallow you whole? I’m Krystal, cancer survivor, chaos navigator, and laugh-finder in life’s messiest moments. On Plot Twist: Still Alive, I share raw, hilarious, and heartfelt stories with incredible guests as we navigate cancer, grief, abuse, cringeworthy choices, and more—finding purpose and humor along the way. Because what doesn’t kill you makes you f***ing hilarious.
Plot Twist: Still Alive
MOTHER!
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Some darkness doesn’t stay in the shadows.
Sometimes… it finds its way into the people we love most.
In this episode of Plot Twist: Still Alive, we meet Melissa — a single mother, a nurse, and the kind of woman who doesn’t hesitate when things get heavy… even when that weight is her child’s reality.
When her daughter begins slipping into a world filled with mental health struggles, Melissa does what most people only think they’d do — she dives in headfirst. No flashlight. No map. Just instinct, love, and a refusal to let her daughter face it alone.
This isn’t a story tied up with a neat little bow. There’s no magical cure, no perfectly timed ending credits. Because real life doesn’t work that way — and neither does motherhood.
Because when you’re a mother, your children will always be the ones you’d do anything for.
And sometimes the scariest thing isn’t the darkness itself…
It’s knowing you can’t always stop it from reaching the ones you’d give your life for.
It’s heavy. It’s raw. It’s unsettling in a way no horror movie could ever match.
And somehow… there’s still laughter in the shadows.
⚠️ Listener Warning: This episode is intended for 18+ audiences and includes discussions of mental health, self-harm, sexuality, and suicidal thoughts and of course….shit loads of dark humor
Please visit our blog for national and local resources for help on this subject matter at www.plottwiststillalive.com
Plat Twist. Still alive. What's up, everybody? Welcome back to Platwist. I am your hostess with the Mustas, three-time cancer survivor and chaos coordinator, Crystal with a K. Welcome fucking back. Oh my gosh. I can't believe you survived four episodes of me talking about the most traumatic thing I've ever done. But thank you. I have to laugh because God. But if you're here, or even if you're new here, I really appreciate you listening. I don't even know what fucking episode we're on at this point, but I've made it past 25 and 2,500 downloads, which is a huge thing. Most podcasts don't even do that. So I cannot take the credit. I really have to give it to everybody listening. So thank y'all. Today we are going to talk about parenting in this day and age and changing things for the best interest of our children, especially with mental health. I think this is the first generation of people that has tried to break that generational trauma. And I brought on a guest that is an incredible woman, a hardworking single mama. I'm actually very inspired by her. And she's like blushing because she's like, oh my gosh, stop it. But I mean it. She's genuinely one of the most kind, selfless people, and she is truly a great mom. Um, her name is Melissa. Say hello to everybody, Melissa.
SPEAKER_01Hello, everybody.
SPEAKER_02I'm actually pleasantly surprised because you're very introverted. I had mentioned it in our group of friends, like, hey, ladies, if anyone wants to be on my podcast, we're all super busy. Everybody's a bad bitch in this group, so I'm not surprised that a lot of them haven't been able to. But when you reached out, I was very excited and you're like, if you need a guess, I'm like, I need a guest. Please come on. Also, we haven't covered this uh at all. We've talked about as adults, maybe our trauma as kids, but we're talking real-time, currently parenting. And I think this is such an important thing because as a parent, I have thought, what the fuck am I doing? Am I doing this right? All of those things. And there, you know, there might be a million books on how to parent, but when you're actually doing it and your child is an individual person, not all of that shit works on the same kids. I would love for you to tell me a little bit about your family dynamic in general. I'm a middle child.
SPEAKER_01Oh, you're one of those. I have one of those. I don't know. I feel like there are different interpretations, but I I feel like I have come across those stereotypes that definitely fit. Peacemaker, that sort of thing. My early childhood was relatively easy and nice and perfect. And then around 10, I guess my parents started kind of drifting apart. So things started to change there. And then through my teenage years, it was all kind of like wild and no rules and no structure and everybody kind of fending for themselves. So that's what home life was like.
SPEAKER_02Did your parents stay together or did they end up so they divorced? They split, yeah.
SPEAKER_01I think I was 12 when they got actually.
SPEAKER_02That's like right when it starts. Shit.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And did you guys did you end up living with one parent versus the other?
SPEAKER_01I was trying to split as much as I could between them equally, but my sisters were not really talking to my mom at the time. And I felt like she like I was the only person that she had. So I spent a lot of time with her, I think feeling like she needed me to be there. But I went back and forth.
SPEAKER_02Did you have stepparent dynamics at all at that time?
SPEAKER_01We did. They both kind of dated a little bit. And then I think when I was around 16, they both kind of settled into like a new permanent partner.
SPEAKER_02And at that point, though, maybe I'm wrong, you're almost on the way out. Like you're getting to the point where you're your own person. I'm gonna go be in a be an adult or go to college or do whatever.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. At that time, it was kind of like you graduate from high school and you leave. Like that's just what you do. There's no real alternative, I guess. And so yeah, that's exactly what happened. But they both found these great people. I mean, my stepdad was amazing and my stepmom was amazing. And yeah, no complaints for me on either side there. It was great.
SPEAKER_02You go off, 18, become your own woman, and and then what? Took me a while.
SPEAKER_01Took me a while. My path was not straight.
SPEAKER_02I fucking get that a million percent.
SPEAKER_01Oh my god. We that's another that could be a whole other podcast. I can't wait. Um, but I was kind of hippie, earth-loving person, wanted to go to Africa and Asia and do animal conservation. I wanted to be Jane Goodall, really, is was my goal. And so I was thinking that I didn't want kids because how was I gonna fit that into my life? And the world was overpopulated anyway, and like that whole training.
SPEAKER_02And yeah, you can't have babies around chimpanzees. I mean, that's just not safe. That's an unsafe environment. Right, right. Haven't you seen a movie came out just recently? I think it's primate.
SPEAKER_01I saw the trailer, I saw the trailer for it.
SPEAKER_02And you're like, oh man, I'm glad I didn't go that route. And I love how you say hippie in past tense, like you're not still a fucking hippie. You are definitely a hippie, but you but you you didn't do the Africa thing, right? Or did you? No, I didn't. Okay, I didn't.
SPEAKER_01All right, unfortunately. There's still time, sister. Anyway, we digress, we scrolled. Retirement plan. Um, anyway, I thought I didn't want kids. And then um, I was with my, we weren't married yet, but he, my ex-husband, we accidentally got pregnant. That ended in a miscarriage, and then after that, I was like, no, I want kids. So here we are, two kids later.
SPEAKER_02So being pregnant made you like completely shift your wow.
SPEAKER_01I think I think the relationship with him at the time too, like it just felt family, you know, it felt good, it felt right, it felt like that's what I wanted.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I um I didn't want kids either until I wanted kids, and that was like mid, I was like 26. Oh, yeah. But then when I got pregnant, I was like, oh my god, I'm not ready. So I think that most young people say, I don't want kids. Even my sisters, everyone actually I know has been like, I don't want kids. And then you hit a place where you find someone and you think I could do that with this person. So yeah.
SPEAKER_01Okay. I was old, I was 34 with my first.
SPEAKER_02That's not old, babe.
SPEAKER_01I mean, it's older, I guess.
SPEAKER_02For that generation, yes. I think now the people fucking do that all the time, which I do want to commend the newer generations for doing that. You should honestly, if I can tell my kids to do that, I I like that idea for them.
SPEAKER_01Agreed. I think if I had had kids when I was younger, it would have been a disaster. I mean, I was in no place. I did I didn't have my life. I still don't have my life together.
SPEAKER_02Don't fucking same anyone, don't worry, anyone listening to this podcast doesn't. So that's that's my that's my clientele. Awesome. Those are my listeners. So you have two babies, and oldest one is Axel, right? Yes, and then younger is Elliot. Yes. How far apart are they?
SPEAKER_01They are almost exactly three years.
SPEAKER_02Axel's boy, Elliot girl. Yes. Okay, three years. All right. You said you guys are no longer together. So how far into your marriage or relationship? How old were the kids when you guys split?
SPEAKER_01Elliot was almost two, I believe. Before I left, things were not good. Like it was just a very tense, unhappy house. And I don't think that she has a lot of well, probably not any memories of that time of us living in the same house. Does uh your older child you know? I think as they get older, they start remembering less and less from like early childhood, but he does have more memories, and he's just more comfortable around his dad than Elliot is, and I think that's just because he had more time. So Elliot was almost two, and so Axel would have been almost five. I was kind of in limbo. I was teaching fitness classes and doing personal training, and it was great. I loved it, but it was a lot of hustle, and I was just on the move all the time. So the kids were going with me to this gym to teach a couple classes, and then I'd pick them up and we'd go to the Y and I'd teach a couple classes and then I'd pick them up and I'd take them, you know, that it was just like that all the time. And I loved the work, but I think that was hard on them. I don't know, just the shuffling around. And sometimes, especially when they were little, my sisters or my mom would come in and they'd end up at their house for a day. We were on the go, all the meals in the car.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Well, but again, being being a single parent, I don't just want to say single mom is not for the fucking faint of heart. It's extremely difficult.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and those first years were hard, really hard. Like I'll look at pictures of us from that time, and I'm like, oh my god, I look 10 years older there than I look right now.
SPEAKER_02The stress.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Well, and you're in survival mode, like when that that's happening, because you had a basically a toddler and then a kid that's about to be in school. Yeah, that's insane. And both are coming into different types of like their own. That those are like very prominent ages in a kid's life. And so I just I don't judge that at all, sis. If nobody's done it, it's I I look back on that time for me as well, and I'm like, how the fuck did I survive that? Because you did and you did all the things, and they probably didn't know any different, but it is it's really fucking hard.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and I sometimes I look back on that time and I think, God, I wish I hadn't been having to work so hard. But then I also will see pictures or videos from then, and we were fine, they were happy, they were healthy, they were fed, they were housed, you were, we were having some fun too. Like it was you just let your mom guilt creep in. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I still, oh god.
SPEAKER_02That's I think we're just born that way, which is bullshit. That needs to change too, but I still have it.
SPEAKER_01Like, I still make horrible decisions just based on mom guilt. I just feel bad.
SPEAKER_02Fine, you can fine, you can go to Guatemala. I know you're 11. It's fine by yourself. I'm I love you. Whatever you want.
SPEAKER_01And we can drive for four years. I'm gonna put us in debt and that's an investment.
SPEAKER_02It's an investment, it's fine. Maybe you could drive it in the meantime. You can legitimize anything.
SPEAKER_01It is so it's like trying to overcompensate for opportunities that they may have had had there been two parents in the home, you know? Yeah, because it's just I mean, I can't do everything, I just can't, and so there's always something that falls off. Like Axel wanted to do BMX and he did it for a while, but practices were in San Antonio, and it was like I was trying to work and getting him there an hour drive there, an hour back, like this is was not like a sustainable thing. So he didn't get to pursue that, and so that still obviously weighs on me, and that was years ago, you know. So there's stuff like that that just sits if you get nothing else from this.
SPEAKER_02I do want you to try and be a little bit easier on yourself because you you've done most of this by yourself for the most part. But I'm and I don't want to speak for you, but I guess that's my next question. So you were doing all of these fitness classes, that was your career initially. Were you getting a lot of support from their father at the time?
SPEAKER_01Not from their father, no.
SPEAKER_02Okay, but you had family and community come around you. Yes. What ended up shifting with you so that you could get a career that you were able to be there more or make the money that you needed?
SPEAKER_01It's crazy how this happened. So I had landed in a position where I wasn't having to move around town all the time. I was teaching and doing my training all in one spot. So I could just go to work. Um, the kids would go to my mom's, or sometimes they would come to work with me. And the company that I worked for got bought out, and all of us had to reapply for the jobs that we currently held. And just that thought of like, oh my God, if they don't bring me back on, I can't make a lateral move to something else that's gonna be this kind of same situation, and we're gonna go backward. And that scared the shit out of me. And so I went to nursing school. I was like, I have to have something stable because the first things that go when money gets tight is all of the extra stuff. And if I hadn't done that, COVID would have hit and we would have been fucked.
SPEAKER_02So fucked.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Everything that you were doing was for your kids' benefit. I get it. I see it. Um, I think most good parents, that's how it works. You kids at the forefront of your life, even at the expense of yourself at times. Yes. So you go to nursing school. I finished nursing school in 2019.
SPEAKER_01So it was hard. I mean, it was hard before, it was hard during nursing school because that becomes your life. Like there's no free time, there just isn't. And I had to be in San Antonio for school early in the morning, which would have meant I would have had to get the kids up at like four, get them to my mom's. So we just moved in with my mom, and um, that was great because she could get them to school. They were both in school, that was working out fine, but then I was working at night, and that took a huge toll on Elliot. Like she really struggled with that, and probably Axel too, although he never expressed it really. He always seems to take everything in stride, so it's harder to he's harder to read. And I don't think I realized how hard it was on Elliot until after she was able to tell me about it. So that's kind of I think when the turmoil started. Night me working and going to school and just being gone so much. So when I finished, we got into our own house, but I was working 12-hour shifts, so they would have to go somewhere or somebody would have to come to the house to watch them. Most of the time, I was my mom. I would take them over there. And that was great. It was great. And then COVID hit and things just got crazy. I think if COVID had not hit, I don't know if any of this would have happened, to be honest with you. I think she still would have had some issues and some trauma, but I think COVID really well it fucked adults up.
SPEAKER_02My daughter, she's not overly social, so she's been in public school, but she struggled when they were doing online. Yeah. And I was watching her have like a lot more emotional outbursts and things like that because she needed that interaction with the educator. And she's also academically excels. So for her, it was a struggle. I think just like the interaction, specifically with teachers and educators, not really the other kids as much. And that was really hard. I was like, I could never fucking homeschool her. Like I could just tell with who she was, it wasn't gonna work for us. But that was just a little glimpse. And again, that not like comparing, but just saying from our experience in this house. And I was also a nurse at the time. I don't know if it was the same for you, but in the beginning, it was really scary because people were dying left and right. And we turned into the COVID unit at my hospital. So, oh you too, it was it was like a catch-22. You either work in the COVID unit or if you don't work there, you have to be behind the telly nurses. Like you're not gonna have a shift, basically. Right. And I was a single mom and I was like, fuck that. We I'm gonna have to work. But my ex and I do not have a great relationship. But I actually had to ask them to keep my kids for the first month because every fucking person I had, most of them were sick and literally either ending up in the ICU or dying. And it was really scary. So I don't know if that was same, same exact.
SPEAKER_01So we I worked on a cardiac unit, and well, it was technically a step down, but ours too. So I remember our very first COVID patient because we had been seeing it, you know. Texas got it got it a little late. I just remember I took the very first COVID patient on our unit, and then maybe like a week after that, our we were just the COVID unit, like that's all we had on the unit. Everybody was COVID, and then we were overflowing into the the ICU. Like sometimes we would have to go down there. It was it was crazy. And and we didn't know, you know, we were wearing full like hazmat suits and cleaning our feet when we came out of rooms and we were doing all of the were you guys only allowed to go in like three times a shift or some shit? Yes, and which is crazy because you're watching people DSAT and you're like, what do I do as a well, and maybe I shouldn't say this, but we didn't even have like pulse oximeters to monitor people's oxygen saturation. We didn't even have enough of those for everybody on the unit, and we had to keep all of the doors closed. So we had people literally dying behind doors and didn't know until we could go in, and then we're having to call codes because they're I'm literally circling the drain. It was awful, it was awful.
SPEAKER_02And you're and you're in there doing a code and they're trying to intubate, which also we only had like one respiratory therapist in night shifts, and I know we're going down a rabbit hole, but I do think this all plays a role. Like, we're not just talking about being a single mom, you're a single mom during COVID, during that trying to protect your family at home, but also doing this on a regular basis, and it is taxing and it is exhausting, and you're also scared you're gonna bring it home to your family. That's like another level of because you're ultimately wanting to protect them, but you're seeing this shit working shifts. It's it turned to me, it was the fucking wild west. Like I felt like it was the wild west of nursing. Shit got thrown out the window. You were supposed to have a doctor's order for all these different things for them to breathe. And it again, that could be a whole nother podcast. I don't feel like it's something we shouldn't talk about because it was real and it happened to us, but um, it just to get paint a picture of what your life was like. And then you're going home to your kids, fucking stripping before you even come in the house, showering, paranoid for a few months, and then I feel like it started to settle. We learned a lot more about it, and over the next couple years, it wasn't as scary for the concern about bringing it home, but I'm sure it played a factor in your home life. Yeah, it had to.
SPEAKER_01Well, right at first, when we didn't really know, we thought it, you know, it was gonna get on your clothes and it was gonna stay on your clothes and you were gonna, you know, spread it. Not only were we in it, saturated in it for the days that we were supposed to be there, they were asking us to work extra shifts because they just didn't have enough staff for the COVID units. So I was working like five days a week. And so the kids went and stayed with my sister for about six weeks. Yep. And Elliot, I think, I think she thought I was gonna die. She was now in a house with two parents with very different parenting styles. You know, she was the only girl, she was the youngest kid, and I think that just whatever turmoil she was having prior to that just like skyrocketed. And then things got really dark for her after that. So she has always been a really loud, outgoing kid. Like, I know I can see your face. My face, yeah, because you know her. Um, when she was born, the doctor was like, God, she's got some lungs. Like she was just so loud, like ear piercing, and always laughing, always being silly, just uh she was just super outgoing, happy and funny. And then I noticed her starting to with like withdraw, like inside herself. And that's where it started. And in the beginning, she couldn't or wouldn't tell me, like, talk to me about any of it. I would pull her into the bathroom and be begging her to tell me what was going on, and she would just be silent and we would just be in there like in silence. And at first it was super frustrating for me because I was like, I'm trying to help you, but you have to tell me. And so it took us a while to figure out how to communicate without me getting frustrated. And so the first way that I dealt with that is I just told her, like, okay, I love you. I have some things I'm gonna go do. I'm ready to talk whenever you are ready to talk. So this is where I'll be. Come find me when you're ready. And so that's how we did it for a while. And then as time went on, she got better, I guess, uh coming to talk to me, but it it took a a while. It took a long time. So then she started coming to me with all of these diagnoses that she had found online. Oh god, she was Googling, she was Googling because she just felt like shit and didn't know why she needed an answer. And so she was searching and she um she thought she had um autism. There were so many things that I have never even heard of. One was uh there was a there's a name for this like thing that happens to your brain when you're in a stressful situation and it causes you to shut down and you can't speak. So she found that there was a name for that. And then pretty soon she uh landed on trans. She decided that she was not in the body that she was supposed to be in and uh she wanted to be a boy. So we were on that track for a while.
SPEAKER_02Well, and as a parent, again, we had kind of discussed this before. It seems like there's like I don't want to say an epidemic, but it seems like a thing now, and your own beliefs are your own beliefs, and I'm I want my kid to be who they are. I love them, I want them to be who they are. That being said, I have noticed even in like fifth and sixth, specifically middle school, there's like this whole thing now where it's the thing that makes you special, like being either gay or trans. And I have lots of gay friends, can't say I have any trans, but that's probably because of where we live, full transparency. But I I've experienced some of that with my my kids, like friends, my kids themselves talking about this. And I I always have to tell them, first of all, you haven't even wanted to kiss anyone. You're young. Why do you need to worry about that right now? Secondly, what the fuck do we need to label ourselves for? So I have to have those conversations, but it's hard when your kids don't feel special or important, and then the kids at school are also doing this. So now in our generation, that was just not a fucking thing. Like you weren't allowed to be gay. I mean, people lived in the closet, married women for beards, and just came out after they had kids for like basically their kids move out and they're like, Cool, I can be gay now. Yeah, it's fine. I like dick, you like dick, but yeah, now you know what I mean. But so I'm sure that for you, and you being a hippie dippy and not being your parents, right? They did the best they could with their knowledge. How did you handle?
SPEAKER_01I knew there was not a sexual component to it. At that point, she was between seven and eight. When she brought up that she wanted to be a boy, I started reading books, I started listening to podcasts, I started to just get as much information as I could about people that had been through something like this, just so I could have some perspective. Um, I joined P Flag, like I I was all my emails were like, you know, about this. So I was really trying to just make sure I understood down the road a little bit. I figured out that she just needed to call it something. She needed her emotional distress to have a name. And that seemed to fit for her. And I think that she could have just as easily been a cutter, which we'll talk about that because she did end up doing that at one point, or had an eating disorder, or it could have been any number of things, but that was the thing that she landed on. And I think it just I don't know. It gave her a little bit of sense of place. Like she kind of felt like she fit in that community for whatever reason.
SPEAKER_02And there's an answer.
SPEAKER_01And there's an answer.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. I think again, even as adults, we h we struggle with not knowing where to belong. And so being seven and eight years old, having that, that's hard.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Yeah. And she had been asking, you know, she wanted to do hormone blocking therapy. She wanted hormones to change her voice. And I was just like, let's just wait. Let's just get in therapy. Let's get all of this figured out before. You're also in the medical field though.
SPEAKER_02Right. And there is a I think there's a difference between saying, let me make room for this right now because you feel like this is you, right? But then they're making permanent changes, which a lot of people may not know this when we're looking at a trans, and I don't want to get completely crazy with it. My biggest thing is making permanent changes to somebody whose brain hasn't fully developed yet. And when you do hormone blockers, they give them the I obviously as a breast cancer warrior, I know this. Give them meds that uh cause osteoporosis, can cause uh high risks in other cancers, like endometrial cancers, and permanently change their bodies. And especially if you're doing it before they even go through menstrual cycles, um, these are things you can't change. So I'm glad that you had the conversation. I remember when I was young, I wanted to be a lot of things. I wanted to change a million things. Like I am so glad that I didn't have to face those things. Again, I'm glad that you told her, let's just be cautious and wait. I think for your kids' sake, that's that's important.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. And it was kind of surprising because of where we live. Both of the kids have the same pediatrician, and she's amazing. I love her. She's been their doctor since they were born, both of them. The very first time that I mentioned this to her, she was like giving me before asking any questions at all, she was like, Well, here's some resources. Great. I mean, I'm glad that she was supportive of the idea of it, but at the same time, I was kind of like, Oh my gosh, what if I don't know. I just, it's such a scary, like you said, because they are not done developing. Like she was getting close to going through puberty, which she started very, very young, and that was a whole nother issue. And I think that's kind of what kickstarted this part of it is that her hormones were crazy and she didn't know why. And her little, you know, nine-year-old brain was like, the fuck is this? I'm miserable. I I don't know what's going on. And so she was just searching, she really just wanted to.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, which is I get, yeah. So you guys have these conversations. Um, you're you you got her into therapy or counseling. Did that help? No.
SPEAKER_01No, therapy took a long time. So she got in, and her initial therapist was a man, and he was very nice. But right off the bat, I could tell that he had like an algorithm that he was following. And he wasn't, I don't feel like he was hearing her. And I think that's how she felt too. But we kind of just let it ride for a little bit just to see how it would go. At the same time, she was seeing a psychiatrist, and we were talking about getting her started on some meds because she had diagnosed her with major depressive disorder and anxiety disorder. So we were gonna get her on medication for that, for those two things.
SPEAKER_02I didn't realize that you can get diagnosed that young. Some things you have to wait to a certain age.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02So these people were able to diagnose her. Okay. Good.
SPEAKER_01And I don't know, I don't know the how that works. But yeah, she was like, yeah, she has she definitely has these things. And it runs in my family. And I think it probably runs in her dad's family. I think it's just there. Well, that wasn't really a surprise to me, but I, you know, she was young and I was kind of like, I don't know how I feel about putting her on medications this young. But what she was going through, I was like, this, we have to try it because anything is better than watching her like this. So we got her on, I don't know why I'm saying we. I, me and the doctor, we got her on some meds. It was you, bitch. You need to take full credit. I did all of it. I do that all the time. I always say we, and then I'll catch myself, like, who who?
SPEAKER_02Who is it? We oh, by the way, I have two personalities because I'm fucking crazy now because I've had to do it all myself. Just kidding. Um, no, it's the royal we, as in you, the queen. Yes, got it. Okay. So you got her on meds. Yes, we got her on meds.
SPEAKER_01Did that help? Um, I think it took the edge off a little bit. Yeah. So maybe not as extreme of things happening. Maybe not as extreme, but it was still pretty bad. It was still pretty bad. Although it was starting to come in cycles now. So it was kind of following her menstrual cycle. So I could kind of tell, like, she'd be okay for a few days and then she'd start. I call it folding. She would just like her posture would, you know, she would just fold into herself. And then I'd be like, okay, here, here we go. And and it was hours of crying, and she would just get stuck on things like the cousins had all been together and they were playing a video game, and somebody made fun of her for the video game that she was playing, and she just couldn't let it go. Like, I don't know. She just she was just like hypersensitive to those things. Yeah. And I think at that point she couldn't see outside of it. She was like, This is my life. It's never gonna get any better. There was no way for her to see beyond it, or that this might be a normal part of growing up. Like, you know, it's not always happy, it's not always great. Sometimes you feel like shit and you don't know why. And but she felt like it was only her. Like this was, you know, an isolated thing. Like nobody else had gone through this.
SPEAKER_02I think the depression, though, that is when I when I've learned about depression and also have family or friends that have gone through it, that's why it gets so dark and scary, is because they think they're the only ones. And they also think the only way to get away from that is sometimes it goes to the worst thoughts. And it's sad because I I can't imagine, I don't know what that's like. So to hear you watching your child go through that, that breaks my heart. Because as a mom, like I can't again, I'm getting chills. That would be very difficult for me to watch my child enter. And I would do like what you're doing, I would literally do anything in order to make sure they were okay.
SPEAKER_01So yeah, it was terrifying. And I even even when this very first started, I kind of felt like I can't leave her alone for very long because I never saw anything on her physically that made me think that she was harming, but it was always in the back of my head that she could. I mean, I just she's a little bit dramatic. She has always been a little bit dramatic. She's a young girl. She's yeah, I'm an adult and I'm a fucking drama queen. Yeah. So I could see it happening. I could see her using that outlet to release some of that pain. I never, like I said, I never saw any evidence of it, but it was always there. If like I was looking for a lighter and I couldn't find one, I'd be like, oh my God. And I'd go look in her room and have you seen this. And she never had it, but it was, you know, that was always my first time.
SPEAKER_02You were like paranoid at this point.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02So you were like living on edge when this was all happening. Yeah, for sure. For sure. Okay.
SPEAKER_01And the kids had were a little older now. And so I wasn't getting as much help, you know, from the family, and everybody's got things going on. So it was rough. It was pretty rough. And that's been the last, I mean, gosh, like five years, just living in this kind of walking on eggshells around her, making sure that she has all the resources that she needs. And what phase are we in now? And because the trans thing lasted a couple of years, and she would kind of go back and forth. And at one point, she asked me to uh bring it up to the family and have everybody start referring to her as he. And you know, you have a pretty cool family.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, they're very like open to a lot of things, and they also like love kids, yes, and so they're not. I feel like they're the type of you guys are like the people that just accept all, like very open, agree, which again is not the norm for a lot of families you have to worry about. I think even with you know, my family thinking about those things, I've always thought, well, some people are just not going to be in our lives. Like I already know that in my head, don't give a fuck. But if my kid is ever gay or whatever, yeah, I don't care. Like my kid comes first. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And I mean, there were a there were some members of the family that I did feel that way about. So we didn't talk about this with them. We didn't talk about this with her dad because she just didn't want to. And and that was hard too because I knew that it was she was dealing with the mental health issue. And even though he wasn't part of any kind of parenting decisions or interaction or really anything, like at that point, he was not seeing the kids hardly at all. You know, I felt like, God, I I mean, I should tell him, right? Like, he needs to know this is going on, but she really didn't want me to tell him, and I didn't.
SPEAKER_02Do you feel like the counselor or the counselor or therapist that you had for her? And then also just like what you're saying, do you think it was a man thing? Like she feels safer with women? Probably. I mean, that's fair. Yeah, I get that. So you you said you're still in it, which you are. You still have young preteen or teen kids at this point. Yeah. Do you do you feel like it continued to go like downward? Was it more of a roller coaster ups and downs since she's been on meds? Were you able to get a counselor that worked for her?
SPEAKER_01It was very roller coaster for a good like year and a half. We didn't stay with the male therapist very long because she she also thought that she had ADHD, and maybe she does, but she has not been diagnosed with that. And so she felt like he wasn't hearing her about wanting to be tested for that, and so she wanted to switch. So we tried, we have been through, I think we're on our sixth therapist now, and she's great, and we finally are in a place where we're making some forward progress. And there was one right before the one that we have now who was also great, but she left the practice, so we had to start over. But this one that we have now is amazing, and in Elliot's first session with her newest and current therapist made more progress than we had any years with anybody else. Wow. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And I that that's a point I want to make. And this is for children and adults. It's not a one-stop shop. I say this all the time, but like just because you get a bad experience or a couple of experiences that don't feel right for you, you have to find what works for you. We're all individuals. Talking to a person, it it's it again, it's a conversation, but you need to feel safe with them. And you're you're put in a room with a fucking stranger and you're like, tell them the hardest thing about your life and the scariest thing about your life. Fuck that. Like again, adults avoid therapy. So I want people to know just because you have a couple of bad experiences, or not even bad, just doesn't feel like it fits you, or it's quote, not helping. Please keep advocating for yourself or your child and keep pushing. So I'm so proud of you for like continuing to advocate for her and getting her someone that she felt safe with. It sucks when you lose that person, but yeah, clearly that was meant for you guys to be with this person because this is the one that feels the most right, I guess. Yes. Yeah very good. Thank you.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Yeah. It's exhausting. I mean, just from my own journey trying to find a therapist, I still haven't found one that I fit with. And I give up all the time. I'm like, whatever, I'm fine. It's gonna be, it's gonna be fine. But I don't really have that option with her. But it's hard. I mean, if you it's time consuming and if people have busy lives, like it's very easy to just be like, fuck it, like I'll deal with it myself because it's that whole process of finding the right person is exhausting.
SPEAKER_02Because you're a mom, you're you're on the back burner, and your kids are at the forefront. So what they need, what they want, what they want to be part of, the mom guilt's always like, oh, what about this? What about that? So obviously she does need to be priority, but I will, this is my little bit for you, okay, is that you cannot pour from an empty cup. And you are also going to set the tone for the type of adult and parent if she chooses to have children. So you have to take care of you as well. I know you have friends and you do have support in that, but you can't always get tools from those friends. And especially if they don't understand the dynamic, because you have a child that struggles with mental health. They may not. Yeah. And so if for you, it's gonna be a little different. And your strategies and things that work for their kids are not gonna work for her the same way. Right. So just even to have you to have events session. Of course, you can always come talk to me, but I'm not gonna say I understand completely because I haven't been in that situation. I don't know. I hear you.
SPEAKER_01It's on my list.
SPEAKER_02Putting it out there, yeah. Just move it up like one from like 17th to maybe 16th. That's all.
SPEAKER_01And I think the the problem that we're having right now is mainly because she's in therapy twice a week at the moment, and the copay is a hundred bucks a session. You're a single mom. Yeah, so we is an high. She goes to therapy or I go to therapy. I get that. You know, it it'll come around. And I'm right now, I'm fine. I know that eventually I do need to get some of this shit out because I'm very good at what is that? Compartmentalizing. Thank you. Yeah, like putting things in little pockets in different places and just shoving it away.
SPEAKER_02Because you have to, though.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02What the fuck are you gonna do? You don't have the luxury of losing your mind. You're the parent parent, you're the present one, you're the one doing it all.
SPEAKER_01Yes.
SPEAKER_02So if you go crazy, that means they're fucked. So you can't.
SPEAKER_01I mean, I am medicated now, which is extremely helpful because before, yeah, there were lots of tears.
SPEAKER_02Well, and again, that's another point I want to make. I think there's such a stigma with being on med. Yeah. I've went back and forth thinking about it. I haven't done it yet, haven't pulled the trigger yet. But I also am going through like hormonal blocker, like pushed into menopause. Yeah. I think that plays a role. So I'm not against it. And I think people are always like, oh, I can handle it, it's fine. I can handle it, or it speaks something about you. More people than you know are on medication. Yes. And you should embrace it. If it's okay to be on meds and you don't have to stay on them, sometimes you get on for that like little bit, that rough patch, and you're like, either this helps me or it doesn't. Same thing though, it's not a one-stop shop. You may find something that makes you feel lethargic, groggy, yeah, melancholy, and you don't like that. Talk to your doc, get on something different. So good on you again for doing that, recognizing it and going to do something about it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. I mean, I had to. I just all of the years of dealing with this stuff with the kids, my divorce and all of the life derailment and all of that. Like, I haven't really processed any of that still. And I'm a very sensitive person. I feel things pretty deeply. So it got to the point with menopause as well that I was like, I need something. I need something. Yeah. Yeah. It's gotta be something. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02So so with Elliot, you got meds, it's been a roller coaster, and you said the trans thing. You guys went as far as like talking to the family. At what point did things kind of shift for her, or what did that look like?
SPEAKER_01She was still dressing very ambiguously. She was never into like doing her hair, or she got into makeup for a little bit, but it was like Halloween, like costume makeup, you know? I know, I know. And she was good at it. I kind of want her to circle back to that. Maybe she will. But she still she wasn't saying that she wanted to be a boy anymore, and she wasn't asking to be called by this different name. And so I think she just kind of shifted out of it. And I didn't really say anything about it. And I thought that things were okay. I thought we were getting better. She was not crying as much. She did have a couple of like really bad spiral moments where she was telling me that she was worried about the state of the world and what is the job market gonna look like when she's ready to go out. And she's 12 at this point, and I'm like, Oh my god, why are you worried? And you know, just like she's worried about the pipes bursting in the house and she's worried about the dogs getting bit by a rattlesnake, which is a valid concern.
SPEAKER_02Because you don't believe in killing animals because you're Jane Goodall, so you let fucking rattlesnakes live. I just want someone side down. She really is a hippie. She was she's like, oh shit. She she's like, Oh yeah, I just have the 18th rattlesnake I found in my home, but I don't want anyone to kill it because people are like, I'll take a shovel. And you're like, Oh, you're a fucking monster. Absolutely not. Just let it. I bet there was there ever a moment when you're paying that fucking thousand dollar vet bill that you're like, okay, maybe it's okay, just the one. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01There it was a four thousand dollar vet bill.
SPEAKER_02Holy you love your dog so much.
SPEAKER_01You love your dog so much. Honestly, I think if the kids hadn't, well, no, I I would have taken her first. I would have still taken her had the kids not been around, but I don't think I will do it again. Be like nature. I mean, yeah, I mean, I still haven't fully recovered from that. That was insane. So she carries that though. She's like she's worrying about the things that are about not in her control or that she's responsible for about the fate of the dog, but how much it's gonna cost me, you know. Like she's very aware of, you know, how much things cost. Way too many things for a 12-year-old to be consulting. But recently, this is recently, maybe like a couple of months ago, she started um asking for new clothes. She was borrowing like my hair products and experimenting with different fashion looks and started getting her nails done. And I mean, just this total switch. About two weeks into that, she had her 13th birthday. And I mean, she just was like a different kid. And I was like, okay, like we're we're gonna be okay. And then we go to this first session with her newest current therapist. And I'm in there for the first part, and then I left and they talked for a few minutes, and then the therapist came came back out and got me, and she was like, I need you to come back in. We have some safety concerns. And Elliot had told her that she was having suicidal thoughts and that she thought it was inevitable that she was gonna kill herself. She just didn't know when the timing was right, and the things that were keeping her from doing that were me and her brother and the dogs. So that set off a whole new thing. And I was kind of taken aback because I felt like there had been such a shift, and we had, you know, I was like, okay, we've turned this corner, like she's she's doing better. And then she tells her therapist this, and I'm like, fuck, okay. So we go home, we lock up every potential sharp thing, we lock up all the drugs, we all all of it. And so since that therapy session, there have been a couple other mentions of feeling that way. I found out that she had been cutting for a little while, about a year ago. So we're just we're still on this train. I mean, I think we're on the right track. And I think that now she is trying to make sense of the way that she used to feel versus how she's feeling now because it does seem like it was such a quick, quick shift. Um, it's almost like I don't know when I can trust her happy moods. I don't know if it's a cover, I don't know if she's trying to like lessen the amount of stress that I'm carrying because I'm worried about her, you know. So it's just, I just feel like completely confused. Yeah, all the time. But I mean, she's doing well. She loves her therapist, she's on a new medication, like things are okay. But think I think the darkest periods were probably in that in-between where she wasn't talking to me as much and I thought things were better because she wasn't coming to me. But I think at that point was when if she was gonna do it, she would, she would have done it. And I really think that if she if we hadn't built the relationship prior to that, those few years when she was going through all this and figured out how to communicate, I think there's a very good chance that she would have done something to hurt herself.
SPEAKER_02I know no, it's I mean, this that's super emotional. I I'm trying I'm trying not to cry. It's hard because I do see a beautiful young person. What you were saying about her being so outgoing, I've never known that Elliot at all. And I not that I've been around her a ton, but even like through our conversations, and then when I have spent time with her, I haven't known her. But it's it's funny because the right type of people or the right like things will bring it out. And I do get to see sparks of that. And so I hope that that gives you some hope that you get to see those bits and pieces, and that hopefully with the continuation of you advocating for her, getting her mental health help, having her with the right therapist, getting her on the right meds, and her just growing up and seeing more and more like this will pass, this feeling will pass, and those those happy moments and those moments where she gets to be more herself are more closer together instead of further between.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, so there are people. I think you are one of them.
SPEAKER_02I feel very, I feel very grateful that she trusts me. But every time we get around each other, I always have to break through the barrier first. Most people would be thrown off because she looks at you. She has this face, like, bitch, get the like mm-mm, don't talk to me. And it makes me want to try harder. Yeah. Like a teenager. Oh, I want you to like me. Okay. But no, she I feel very blessed to to have that connection. Yeah. But I also, you know, it's hard to be a fucking kid.
SPEAKER_01It really is. It is. And I feel like as a mom, I know how great she is, I know how funny she is, I know how smart she is, and how just she's she's just an amazing kid she is. It hurts me to know that nobody else knows her like that. And I want her to be able to show that. And I think she's getting there. Even little things like saying thank you when we get an order of something or ordering for herself. Like she was never doing that. Like she was very anytime we would go anywhere, she would have her arm looped in mine, her hair all in her face, like her head is down. She's basically trying to crawl inside my body. Um, and now she wants to be seen, she wants to make some friends, she wants to get out and show people who she is. And before, she was kind of like, what's the point? And I think it was not being able to see outside of it. And I this is the first time that I've heard her talk about the future that I've heard her be excited about things, and it's it's awesome. I don't trust it fully still because I'm like, what's gonna be revealed at the next therapy session? But I do see a change for sure. I think she's coming around, but I think it's just brain maturity. I mean, I think she just didn't have that ability to see outside of this snapshot of time in her life.
SPEAKER_02And that literally comes along with her diagnosis. That is that is what it is. And so I think sometimes it's hard when you don't have that. You might have like situational depression, not even close to the same. So yeah, it's hard for someone who doesn't have it to say, well, why can't you just see this? But that's their reality all the time. And what else are you supposed to do? As a parent, you're doing everything that you can. Maybe she'll never view the world that way, but having the tools in place that her therapist is teaching her, having her mother who cares fucking so deeply about her to do all of these things and make sure she's getting the help she needs, I feel like you're doing every single thing that you can to ensure that she has the tools to deal with it when she doesn't see outside of it that's a huge thing in my brain right now is.
SPEAKER_01Now that she's starting to turn this corner and figure a little bit of this out, I find myself thinking, like, okay, so now don't coddle her so much because she's gonna have to learn that shit is gonna suck sometimes and you have to be able to deal with it. But you know, I'm trying to give her time to get to that point where she feels safe and confident enough to start doing that. But I think we're getting there. It sounds like it sounds like it.
SPEAKER_02And again, for you, that's why I mean like you need an outlet because you are carrying a very heavy thing. I always say this, you don't have to come on a podcast and talk about it. Though I do think it's therapeutic. It is. I really do. And even afterwards, it's like I got that out. And I'm telling you right now, you are not the only person. Right. You aren't. I know I've had friends, they're scared to talk about it because there's a stigma or there's a taboo, or worse, which I'm sure is how you feel. And again, I'm getting chills talking about you blame yourself as a fucking parent. Yeah, you take all of that on and you say it's my fault. And I want I'm telling you, it is not your fault. She is who she is. Mental health stuff runs in your family. You are doing the best with what you have to ensure that she's taken care of. And you're right, there's a middle ground. But I'm sorry if you fucking parents are like, oh, you coddle or whatever, like you sit sit across from your child saying they want to harm themselves or in their life, and then you tell me what you would do. Yeah. Because until you're in that position, I don't think you get to fucking say anything about it. I have family that I've experienced this with personally, and I have suggested they take them to get mentally evaluated at, and that's scary, but it's also sometimes what someone needs.
SPEAKER_01So I've talked to Elliot a lot about, you know, well, the process just recently, the process and what that looks like for people in the hospital. Because at first she wanted to go to inpatient treatment. And I did agree that she needed intense therapy, but I was like, this is what inpatient therapy looks like. And this is what outpatient you go every day, several hours of therapy a day, but then you go home at night. Like, this is the difference. These are the people that you're probably going to encounter if you go to an inpatient, you know, where these people are not stable yet.
SPEAKER_02I was gonna say it's not, and it's not just one, it's not just like one type of mental illness. People are in there with schizophrenia, they've had mental breakdowns during psychosis. Right. It's scary. Again, not to tell you not to take your child. This is a step when it's severe. Obviously, if your child is threatening to harm themselves, 100% take them into the ER or crisis center. Yes. Again, you have medical background, you know what the questionnaires look like. I know what the questionnaires look like. So if they are threatening, they have a plan, they they they know they're going to hurt themselves in that moment, take them.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_02Because I've seen people on the flip side, children, young teens, take a bottle of fucking Tylenol, not because they were actually suicidal, but because they were doing it as a cup cry. It ends up the same way no matter what, whether it was intentional or just in the moment. That's another big thing.
SPEAKER_01And it is definitely like she gets triggered, you know. If there's something going on in the news, then it brings her back to that. What's the point? You know, this world sucks. And so I have to be careful about what she's consuming, you know, and who she's talking to.
SPEAKER_02As you should, yeah. Yeah. But for you to talk about this, I I appreciate your honesty and like your candidness. I know that my kids are my life. I know that your kids are definitely your life. And I know this isn't gonna just be done when you leave here today. And even when they become adults and move out, you're still gonna deal with this because it's something that she will have. But the fact that she got help so early on, you are doing all of the right things. You are advocating for your child. You want her to be the healthiest, best version of herself. Yeah, no matter what it is.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I think she has a lot to offer the world, and I'm just I want her to see that. And then I also have to check in with Axel too, because she's been getting so much attention for the last, I mean, it's been years. And so I just have to make sure that he's not feeling like, you know, that can happen though. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02I was a kid with health issues, and my middle sister did even from early on, because she had to be sent away to be taken care of, those things early on still affect you. Yeah. Just like you're talking about with your daughter. Those things do impact them. It's weird because you're like, you don't even remember that. But for a long time, she felt like I was always the one that had attention because even though I was in remission, I always had medical appointments. Anytime I was sick, it was the biggest deal. Like it has to be hard to live in the shadow of what do they call it? It's called something, like the glass child or the something child. I have to look it up. But uh, one of my friends was telling me about this as well. And so I'm glad that you're doing check-ins. And how is he faring with all this?
SPEAKER_01I mean, I think he's he's very stoic. He's just a very stoic kid. So he doesn't he really doesn't tell me a whole lot of emotional stuff unless it's really bothering him. Like he has come to me a few times, like, you know, girl stuff and whatnot. And he even cried in front of me the other day, and I was like, oh my god, like my heart was broken. But he will tell me if things are bothering him, but most of the time I think he just kind of rolls with everything. So I don't know. I'm just trying to do extra little things for him because same, like with the doctor's appointments, like, oh, I gotta take her to therapy, oh, she has this appointment, oh, we gotta go do this, and you know, there's nothing for him. So I've been trying more recently, like, we're gonna go get his hair changed up and just just different things to make him. I see you, I still see you. I know that you need things. You're important, you're special, yeah.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, it can be all consuming, and not that she doesn't deserve that, but it's also you you do have another right child. I will say I love their relationship, even in the the the times I've spent with them. She fucking adores her brother so so much. She looks up to him so much, and she's like his biggest fan, and it's just a really cool thing to watch.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, very, very starting to interact a little bit more, and I think their relationship is getting a little bit stronger, and that's all she ever wanted. She just wants to be his friend so bad. And I talked to him about this, you know, like this is what's going on with your sister. If you see anything, if she asks you for help, you know, please help her. Like, be nice. Be nice, just be nice. Because there was a time when they went to the same school and they were all out at recess together, and she fell, I guess. And Axel came over to help her. And so we're in the car on the way home, and you know, she's telling me all about it. And I fell on the playground and he came over and helped me. And he goes, I mean, I only did because everybody told me I had to. It's fucking real.
SPEAKER_02Like, I don't really remember, I didn't want to, but like they're like, Your sister fell. Fuck, I guess I'll do it. And I want to look like a dick. Yeah. Um, you know, at least he did it. It he probably could have avoided telling her that because then she's like, Oh, he didn't like me. But that's normal. That's a normal fucking sibling dynamic. I thought opposite sexes would actually mean they wouldn't fight as much. My kids fight like fucking cats and dogs, and a big gap. Well, four-year gap, but I I hope as they get older, they continue. I think when we become adults, you probably can speak to this too, having other siblings. It's when I became an adult that I really valued and appreciated my relationship with my siblings so much more. And now to this day, I can honestly say my sisters are like best, best friends, very close, very, very close.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, same. And I think that he's getting to the point where he is not seeing her so much as like this little irritating sister and can see that she's actually a pretty cool person. So I think that's a developing thing that's happening right now.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, but he's our older brother and he's gonna give her shit because that's what they do, and older sisters too. So, through all this, you obviously again are still in the midst of it. It's a work in progress. What are some things that you want to tell people? What are some things that you want to encourage people to do or some resources that you might want to give? And I will also, just so everybody knows, I will put the resources that you have on the blog. We'll have local as well as national.
SPEAKER_01I guess the main thing for me is I can see people my age kind of repeating parental patterns from when they were parented. And I just parenting the way you were parented. Like, we know more now. Listen to your kids, they go through phases, but please don't call it that to them. Like, just give them patience and support and help them through whatever they're going through. And it's gonna change. It's probably not gonna be something that's gonna be forever. And when she was going through some of this, she wanted to be a boy thing. Like, there's a part of me that was mourning my daughter because I was like, Well, this sucks. Like, this was my daughter, she wants to change her name and she wants to be a different in a different body, and I made this human, and so that I had to put that part of my thinking aside because it didn't have anything to do with how what she was going through. That was my stuff. The idea that that who they are isn't enough either, right?
SPEAKER_02Right, like that's rough because you're like, I think you're fucking incredible. You're and they're the only person that can be you is you, so that ha yeah, I feel you on that.
SPEAKER_01Okay. So listen to your kids, um, give them some time, give them some patience, give them some support, and find them what they need. I think there's a real good chance that things could have turned out in a much different way if I had been a different kind of parent. Not I'm not like saying I did it all right. I'm not patting myself on the back, maybe a little bit.
SPEAKER_02I am pat pat bitch. Very and a little slap on the butt. You've been doing it again alone, which is another, a whole nother level. Financially alone, emotionally, all of the things. You're taking all of this on. So you should give yourself a lot more credit, truthfully. Thank you. I I agree. I love I love what you said about don't call it a phase to them because to them it's what they're feeling, it's invalidating when you say that. Very much. I've learned that myself. I don't I try not to say this is a phase or you'll get over it. I just make room always for the potential that they may not feel that later. I'm just like, hey, if that's what you're doing, cool.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And also I've noticed if I don't make a fucking big deal about it, usually it's dropped within a little bit of time. Yeah. Like you said, it's ever changing. I can say with a hundred percent certain certainty at 40 years old, I am not the same that I was at eight, at 16, at 26, as 34, and even probably last year. Yeah. You are supposed to be changing and evolving. Let them be that. It's okay to go with your co-parent or your best friend or whoever the fuck and behind closed doors be like, I don't know what the fuck's going on. Yeah. Or I don't like this, or this makes me feel this way. But just let them, because if you don't make a big deal about it, unless it's something that's gonna harm someone else, right? It's usually it passes.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. So And they learn from it. Yes. And I've I'm really hoping that because she will bring stuff up every now and then. Mostly it's music. Like just something will pop up that she listened to three years ago, and she'll be like, oh my God, I can't believe I liked that song. But she also does that with some of these things that she has been through. And she's been like, I'm kind of embarrassed that I went through that. But she has learned that these things pass and they change and things are different the next day. I'm learning, she's learning, we're all figuring this out together.
SPEAKER_02That's being a fucking person, being a human being, right? Yes. So your kids are humans too, if you didn't know, right? And you should treat them as humans. And I I will say again, the generational thing, especially with my family, I've noticed, and and again, with that generation before us, uh, if they have mental health issues, it's never addressed. Usually they use other things like drugs or alcohol and become addicts of some kind. So I think we're setting our kids up for success if we're acknowledging they might have an issue, if we're getting them appropriate help, if we're getting them meds that they might need, because I promise you, if you don't address them, eventually they will address it themselves and it's going to be in a very bad way and a very harmful way. And it may not be harming themselves, but it could be addiction, it could be using hard fucking drugs, it could be alcohol, it could be a number of things. So even being around the wrong types of people. So I am super fucking proud of you, sis. Very proud. Hearing all this is very inspiring. I know other people will be impacted, other parents, especially. And I want you to be a lot easier on yourself and be very proud of yourself and give yourself the pat on the back because you are a phenomenal person, a phenomenal mom. You're a great role model for your children. They're very lucky to have you. I'm just so proud.
SPEAKER_01I'm working on it. I'm working on it. I had when we went to Oklahoma, one of my longest friends, I've known her since we were seven. She came out to watch the concert with us. And she sent me a text the next day and said, You mommed so awesome this weekend. I was proud to be your friend. And that just, I was like, okay, we're doing it. You are okay.
SPEAKER_02You are single parents in general. But moms, even if you're married or not, you don't, it's it's a thankless gig. You live vicariously when you watch your kid do something super cool, or you watch them come out of their shell a little, or even little things, tying their shoe when they're little and and saying certain things. But as they get older, you celebrate for yourself, but you rarely get told by other people. And so I I actually make it a habit for my friends that are moms. I always want to tell them what an amazing mom they are. But I also don't say that to shitty moms. That being said, I don't really have friends that are shitty moms because fuck you, if you treat your kid like shitty. Absolutely. I don't get parents that are not involved in their kids' life. Like, fuck you, you're you, you have awesome kids and you're a dick. That's another podcast, too. So many. But we have like five. I'm definitely having you back. But thank you for sharing your experience. Like you said, it was therapeutic for me to get all of that out.
SPEAKER_01And I hope that it helps somebody.
SPEAKER_02I do too. And we'll put all that on our um blog. So if you want to check out our blog, not just for this episode, we have we've covered all types of things. It's www.plottwisttillalive.com. You can also email us at plot twiststillalive at gmail.com. Go to our Instagram, Facebook, follow us on social media. If you have any questions for me, or if you want to talk to Melissa, I can forward them to her. Or you need someone that kind of gets it, you can send me an email or you can DM me on either of our social medias. And if you're listening, fucking give me a follow in a five star review, bitch. You know you want to give me five stars. Five stars make me holla honey boom boom. But anyway, we gotta end this the right way. So we're gonna do a high five, still alive, and do your evil laugh.