MY CIRCUMCISION... (BONUS)

My circumcision caused a rift! My father said no. My mother said yes. The look on my face when my mother told me the story and how I tried to restore my foreskin. 

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:12

Right, welcome back. I listen, uh I I can remember the first time I saw Fork Skin. And it was, I think I was in uh was it the fifth grade? Yes, it was the fifth grade. Um yes, fifth grade. Uh we were in recess, uh outside running around being crazy, and I had to pee, so I went inside to the school, and um my classmate's brother was peeing. Now these guys, you know, as you know, little boys do crazy stupid shit. Um, as we all know. Uh so this whole family, it was well known that they were all well endowed. Um, all the boys. So the older brother, I forget his name, he had the habit of standing at least a foot away from the urinal to pee. And it we back then, um I'm sure it's still there, but um, unless they mock remodeled, uh, the school urinals were about as tall as I am. You know, it was like they went all like it was this weird design that they had. Um so yeah, he would stand at least a foot away and he would like aim it and you know, do that, and his brother would do the same thing as well. And I would be like trying so hard as a young gay boy trying not to get beat up, not look. But um, I happened to notice them do it, and he was doing it was unavoidable watching him do this, and I noticed the pea was coming out of his dick, but not like it came out of mine. It was coming out like there was something there. I'm like, what is that? So when I got home, I was so anxious for my stepfather to get home because I wanted to talk to him about I could talk to him about everything. I said This happened. What what was that on his? It was like I I don't know, it was not like mine. It would had some it was something in the way, and he was like, Oh, that's a foreskin. What's a foreskin? He's like, well, there's a skin that comes over the for those of you watching listening, I'm covering my finger. The skin that comes covers the head of the penis. It's called a foreskin. And I looked at mine, I'm like, how come I don't have one? Uh well, you're supposed to need one, and my stepfather's was removed as well. He told me all about it. So he taught me everything I know about sex. Uh so I'm like, how come I don't have one? And he explained how circumcision happens, and I, you know, I was mortified. I was like, so I went running to my mother and I asked her, I'm like, uh, uh, what what how come they cut my foreskin off? She was she was taken aback by this because she did not expect me to come at her with this question. She's looking at my stepfather like, what's happening? What what's happening? So he explained to her he saw someone, one of his classmates, and he answered it. So she was like, Oh. So um, yes. She she deflected the question at the time because I think she did not want to get into that conversation. Um, fast forward a few years, I'm in my teenage years, and I'm st I'm still worried about my not having my foreskin and pretty much upset about it. So I said to her, I'm like, could you please tell me? How come I'm circumcised? Why'd you do that to me? So she went through the whole cultural thing and the you know the cleaning part and how much easy it was, it's just what everybody did. But um This is what she said to me. She's like, We got it, I got into an argument with your father about it. I wanted it, he said no. And it went, it was a big deal. I mean, it was so adamant that um he left the hospital in a rage. Like he did not want me circumcised. So I think he thought he won the argument. Clearly he didn't. Um, my mom says to me, so when he left, we called the doctor, had him come, took you away, had it done, and that was that. And I think the the look on my face as she did that, because she was very she felt she felt very proud of herself that she had done this, that she did a good thing for her baby boy. But the reaction I was getting was you well first of all as a baby, we have no we have no say in this, right? But he clearly didn't want this. I think that that uh warranted a more of a discussion, and maybe there would be more fighting about it, but I don't think you should have done, and this is going on in my head, I don't think you should have done that the way you did that, because that that's it's irreversible. I felt like there was a part of me removed without my dissent. And I think a lot of guys may feel that way. Um religiously, culturally, it is what it is, right? But for me as a person, like there's a piece of me missing. I didn't choose to let go of it, it was take it from me, right? And I think that's the first time I became aware of my bodily autonomy. Pardon me. Whereas after having all this knowledge, I started doing things that I wanted to do. Like, for instance, back then in the 80s, uh having a tail um a little uh in your hair, like letting that one spot grow where it could be braided or whatever. A lot of guys, um, some of them gay, some of them not. A lot of guys would color their, you know, get it dyed blonde, get blue, purple, all kinds of weird. So uh first thing my mom threatened me with was if you if you dye your hair, I'm gonna cut it off. So I went and dyed it blonde. And she cut it off. Um I went and got my ear spears. She told me not to do it, so I went and got my ear spears. On my 18th birthday, I did the left ear. On my 19th birthday, I did the right ear. Um I became aware of my bodily autonomy, but I it's my body. I'm gonna do what I want. Then I got my first tattoo and I have a bunch of others. Um But I think that when she realized the look on my face as uh she's telling me this story, um, I think I I don't want to get this wrong, but it feels like she sort of like dismissed it. Like it it's I'm the mom, my I what I say goes. And then she did say like when she brought me home, my great-grandmother was like, you know, did you get everything done? She was like, yeah, and she's like, okay, good girl, you did it. And then that and that's because you know, being Jewish, um, it had to be done. So as I got older, I thought about okay, how can it be restored? And I started researching it. I'm like, oh yeah, people have had it done. Um for some men, they would have uh a portion of their scrotum relocated and uh reformed into a foreskin. Uh the only downside to that is the hair follicles don't die when the transplant happens, so they have hairy foreskins, which is not very pleasant. Um, some men have uh devices where they pull the skin forward that they have and sort of like either tape it down or hold it down and stretch it. I opted for that option. I tried stretching it. Uh I mean there there's a there's a if I sit a particular way it'll the skin will come forward, but it's not like it's you know the skin itself come forward, it's more like it's retracting backward because I'm sitting weird. Um and I I kind of sit with it like that for all this, that's what that probably feels like. So I tried stretching it, it's not not unsuccessful. Uh there's a lot of contraptions you could do. Um I looked into it all. And just pulling on it, stretching it. But that that's the extent to which I I tried to restore my foreskin, and the the restoration process is worse than the actual circumcision itself. Because I and and part of the the questioning that came from is like the ring that's around your penis when you're circumcised. I didn't know why I had that, and I was like, why do I have this? And it was explained, oh that's because of your circumcision. I'm like, oh my god. So it explained that was the the scar that's left behind. Every man knows if you cut the scar left behind, and mine is like some guys have it a little further up toward the head of their penis, some are like in the middle of the shaft. And the ones that are in the middle of the shaft, that's they took a lot of skin off you guys. I'm sorry, mine is like almost in the middle too. You know, this is the weirdest topic I chose to do this this episode on. But hey, it is what it is. Here we are. So have a great week, guys. Thanks for watching. I appreciate it. If you got a foreskin, let me know it. If you don't, let me know that too. Bye.