Schall We Talk Episode 23 - Cabin in the Woods Airbnb Disaster

Cabin in the Woods Airbnb Disaster 

Okay friends, this episode is chaos from the jump. What started as a normal podcast idea about Airbnb horror stories somehow turned into Security finding us an actual $70 Airbnb in New York… which turned out to be a tiny cabin in the woods with hammocks, ladders, an outhouse, a bear warning sign, and absolutely no chance I was sleeping there. 

In this episode we talk:
-How a casual studio conversation turned into “find an Airbnb under $80 and we’ll film there”
-The horrifying moment I realized we were truly in the woods and could absolutely be murdered for content
-The cabin setup: two loft cots, hammocks, an outhouse, and me immediately deciding we were leaving before dark
-Airbnb horror stories from you guys 
-Our own unhinged Airbnb stories, including the Seattle basement grandma-and-grandpa surprise
-The absolutely insane LA Airbnb saga where an owner tried to scam me for $1,400 and lost
-Why I could never be a nurse, camper, or apparently a person who pees in an outhouse
-Mama Schall's producer shout-outs and emergency motherly advice from the wilderness

Also, full disclosure: this episode exists in a weird timeline because we filmed this before Security realized he lost his wallet in the woods. So if you follow me on Instagram and know the wallet drama… just know Future Robyn is protecting Past Robyn from that emotional spiral for now. 💀

If you want more behind-the-scenes chaos, head over to Patreon: Schall We Talk 
 And if you’re watching on YouTube, subscribe, like, and comment. We are still clawing our way to 10,000 subscribers one strange episode at a time.

Producer shout-outs:
 Tony Hatinger, Veronica, Deanna, Susan Santoro, Thomas Ives, and Dr. Piano Man 

Goals List Calendars: https://www.etsy.com/shop/RobynsBookShop

#SchallWeTalk #AirbnbDisaster #CabinInTheWoods #AirbnbHorrorStories #ComedyPodcast #RobynSchall #PodcastEpisode #YouTubeCreator #PatreonCreator #MamaSchall #Security #Oatie #NYAirbnb #TravelFail #FunnyStorytime #StorytimePodcast #ChaosEpisode #IndependentPodcast #EtsyShop #CalendarDrop

Transcript

SPEAKER_06 0:00

Shaw We Talk, who can't you see? This is where you wanna be.

SPEAKER_03 0:06

Hi everyone, welcome back to Shaw We Talk. This is such a chaotic episode because I'm Robin in the past. No, I'm Robin in the future. You're the future. Okay, I'm Robin in the I'm Robin in the future. So this is what happened. Well, first off, hi, how are you? Thank you for being here. Be sure to hit that subscribe button if you're watching on YouTube. Like, leave a nice comment. If you want extra content, head over to Patreon, put in Shaw We Talk. Also, if you'd like a calendar, it goes from April 1st till March 2027. And you get on my Etsy, uh, you get the link in the description below. The quality's good, the color's good, the the feeling is good. Okay, now let's get now that all the the paperwork is done. Paperwork? No. All the what's the word I'm thinking of? House cleaning. Housekeeping. Housekeeping. Housekeeping.

SPEAKER_05 1:12

House cleaning. It's a Robinism.

SPEAKER_07 1:14

I like it. Okay. You're beautiful.

SPEAKER_03 1:16

Thank you. Whenever I say Robinism, security or my dad just go, you're beautiful. Okay. Anyway, what were we saying?

SPEAKER_07 1:25

House cleaning.

SPEAKER_03 1:27

Okay, so the reason why this episode's gonna be a little chaotic. About a week ago, security and I were about to film an episode of Airbnb disasters. We asked you guys to write in. We picked four, and we're about to start the episode. Now, a little behind the scenes, security and I, as soon as we get in this room, we press start on all three cameras so that we have content for our Patreon. Every week at the end of the week, we have Patreon behind the scenes. So that's why. Okay. So we're about to start. Security did not even start the sound of the mics. Like we're just chit-chatting about the episode, the structure, what we're gonna do. And then I had just casually asked him, like, if he'd ever gotten an Airbnb in New York. And from there, I asked, I like kind of challenged him to find an Airbnb. I gave him like a price of like $80. And then I said, Do you think you could find something for $80 in New York? And he's like, I don't know. And then I was like, wait, you should do it and we should record this episode in the Airbnb. And so then we said, fuck, and so we stopped recording. I will show you that conversation that was meant for that that I the mics aren't even on, so you're gonna be listening to the sound of, I guess, the camera. And then from there, he did find an Airbnb. Spoiler alert, well, you probably know if you follow me on Instagram. It was a cabin in the woods. Now, in this episode, you're gonna see. We're gonna, I'm gonna show you that conversation where we come up with that we should film it, and then you're gonna see us in the woods where we do the episode. Now, we do not know at this point because we filmed this episode, then we filmed next week's episode. We don't know this when recording these episodes, that when we cap back to Manhattan, security realizes he lost his wallet in the woods. So if you follow me on Instagram, you may be like, how come they're not talking about this since this is such a big deal on our Instagram? Because in this episode of Robin in the past, she doesn't know yet that they have to go back to the woods. And actually, in two weeks from now's episode, or next week's episode, we don't know. Well, next week's episode, we know the wallet's lost.

SPEAKER_07 3:44

Correct.

SPEAKER_03 3:45

We don't know whether or not we will find it.

SPEAKER_07 3:47

Correct.

SPEAKER_03 3:48

Should I let them know? Or they already probably already know if they follow me on Instagram. Well, go in three weeks from now, we'll cover what happened to the wallet.

SPEAKER_08 3:57

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 3:57

Oh, that's a real teaser.

SPEAKER_08 3:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 3:59

You have to watch for the next three weeks, guys. Commit. So right now I'm gonna throw it back to last week when we're in the studio getting ready to record. Enjoy. What's like we've never done an Airbnb in New York, right?

SPEAKER_07 4:19

In New York?

SPEAKER_03 4:20

No. I bet you New York's hard. I bet you it's expensive. Because that's what I'm saying. There are some places like they went to San Francisco, like there was no Airbnbs in our price range that we actually had to stay like an hour out of San Francisco.

SPEAKER_07 4:33

Like, I'm sure anything in Manhattan is really hard. New York, even like New York and Jeremy.

SPEAKER_00 4:40

You can find an Airbnb.

SPEAKER_07 4:45

New York.

SPEAKER_00 4:46

New York.

SPEAKER_07 4:46

New York.

SPEAKER_00 4:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 4:47

What's my budget?

SPEAKER_00 4:49

Okay, in New York, what do you need? I need like for one night. For one night a bit. No, no, no. I know. Like 150. Alright. New York. One night find an Airbnb under 80 dollars.

SPEAKER_03 5:12

And I think that we're New York. Yeah. And it has to be good. Wait. Hold on. I got ideas.

SPEAKER_00 5:23

I got I got a plan. This is why you never know what's gonna happen. Let's pause.

SPEAKER_08 5:29

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 5:30

Find an Airbnb. Okay, all right. Here's your challenge. Oh, this is this is going down. Okay, let me talk fast.

SPEAKER_08 5:40

Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_00 5:41

Here's your challenge. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 5:43

You have 24 hours to find an Airbnb on your $80 that we record the rest of the podcast in. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 5:56

Oh geez, everything's gone awry. Oh my goodness. Okay, this is tangles. Oh no. Command down. Hello? Hello?

SPEAKER_03 6:07

Is this 95% of all of our downloads come from the audio? Like it comes from either Spotify or Apple. No one really watches YouTube.

SPEAKER_02 6:20

Which I think they're missing out.

SPEAKER_00 6:22

I'm literally holding a mic right now. An arm of a microphone. I'm not closed in. You're gonna find MVP. We're gonna film. Hopefully, you can find one by tomorrow. Is that that possibility? Yeah. All right. Let's pause and we will see you guys at a luxury Airbnb.

SPEAKER_03 6:39

Okay, so I'm literally walking in the woods. If you're if you hear, I'm literally crunching on sticks and oh my god, what was that? Was that a gun?

unknown 6:51

No.

SPEAKER_03 6:52

Was that a gun?

SPEAKER_07 6:53

No.

SPEAKER_03 6:54

Security. We're not staying the night though, right? Like as soon as it gets dark, we have to leave. Oh my gosh. Security.

SPEAKER_04 7:06

I'm not dying for a podcast. Alright, guys, so we're walking.

SPEAKER_03 7:12

I don't Oh my gosh. This is gonna be so scary at night. I can't we're not staying here. I don't it's not inside. Okay. Alright. If you're listening, if you're watching, I'm sorry, my hand is shaking. Oh, okay, oats, okay. Guys, can you guys see Oates is like taking over the woods? I need you to head over to YouTube just for a second so that you can see we are literally in the woods. This was the worst idea I've ever had. Oh, it's a fire pit? I don't think we should we'll we'll burn down all of New York. We can't. Okay. Oh is this it? Oh my gosh. Okay, so if you're listening, it's like a little hut. Yeah. A cabin. It's a cabin. You said it's not locked. Security? You can only lock it from the inside. Okay. Okay. City Girl does the wood.

SPEAKER_04 8:19

There is two beds. Alright, come on in.

SPEAKER_02 8:28

Okay. Alright, so it has these. Oh my gosh. Security.

SPEAKER_08 8:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 8:40

If you encounter a bear, there's an if you encounter a bear sign. Oh my gosh. Okay. Alright. If you're listening, it says, if you encounter a bear, do not feed or approach the bear. Bears are wild animals. Remain calm. Keep your distance. Avoid eye contact. Security.

SPEAKER_08 9:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 9:02

I don't even think we can record the podcast. Yeah, we can. We have to leave.

SPEAKER_07 9:06

No, no.

SPEAKER_03 9:07

I don't do the outdoors.

SPEAKER_07 9:09

We're not outdoors. We're inside right now.

SPEAKER_03 9:14

If you're listening and not watching, it is four walls of wood. Okay. It's small. I would say this is about five feet by nine feet. I think that's ten feet. You can't lay down twice. I can't lay down twice. Then in this small little hut, there are two hammocks, two wooden ladders that lead up to two wooden lofts of like single beds. Oh my gosh, these ladders don't even attack. Security, there's no mattress.

SPEAKER_07 9:50

Yeah, the Airbn said you had to bring a sleeping bag, but there were two cots, so I knew we didn't need it.

SPEAKER_03 9:55

If you're listening and not watching, so what happens is you climb a wooden ladder, and to the left, there's like a wooden loft up top, and then another one across the room, another ladder, and then another wooden loft. And then I guess if you have sleeping bags, you just sleep in these lofts or in these hammocks. We need to just be full transparency. Because like I think all you think this is funny, the second gets dark, we're leaving. I'm not we're not second.

SPEAKER_07 10:25

Okay, fine. Fine. Let's let's film the podcast.

SPEAKER_03 10:27

Okay. Welcome to podcasts.

SPEAKER_07 10:29

Deal.

SPEAKER_03 10:30

But then no sleeping here. We didn't what where would you sleep?

SPEAKER_07 10:35

This one cot? Two cots. There are two cots.

SPEAKER_03 10:39

This is not a cot. This is a hammock.

SPEAKER_07 10:40

A hammock.

SPEAKER_03 10:41

What do you think a cot is? A ha no. A ha oh my god, security.

SPEAKER_07 10:46

Yeah. Where's the bathroom? Outside. It's an outhouse. You want it in the budget. You want it in the budget. It's an outhouse.

SPEAKER_03 11:02

Was this like the only thing in our in the price range I gave you?

SPEAKER_07 11:05

Yes. Yes.

SPEAKER_04 11:09

Wait, I have to go up. I have to pee in an outhouse.

SPEAKER_03 11:12

Yeah. I need to see the outhouse situation. Yes, come on, it's out. Okay, here you take this. Okay. Alright, so if you're listening, I'm climbing down the ladder. Do not stand on this because this is barely holding me.

SPEAKER_07 11:25

Gotcha.

SPEAKER_03 11:26

Okay. Oh my god. Alright. Climbing down the ladder. Alright. Oh, let's go find the dead bodies. Alright, so now oh my god, there's a sign that says outhouse. By the way, if you're listening, like we really are in the woods. Like there's nothing around. No one could hear us scream. Okay, I am opening up. It's like a little box. Oh, okay. There's no flusher.

SPEAKER_07 12:01

Yeah, there is.

SPEAKER_03 12:02

It says, okay, on the lid it says, first tape lid closed to open lever. Pull lever open. So you have to pull that, and then where does it go?

SPEAKER_07 12:13

Under.

SPEAKER_03 12:14

So it's not like a real there's no pipes.

SPEAKER_07 12:18

No.

SPEAKER_04 12:19

So this just goes into the grass.

SPEAKER_03 12:21

It's just peeing poop down there.

SPEAKER_07 12:23

Yeah. But yeah.

SPEAKER_03 12:26

I will not be using this. I need to stop drinking that coffee. Alright. Should we set up the podcast?

SPEAKER_07 12:33

Let's set up the podcast. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_03 12:35

This may you know what? This isn't even your worst one.

unknown 12:40

All right.

SPEAKER_07 12:41

But this is original. This is so original.

SPEAKER_03 12:43

It was in the budget.

SPEAKER_07 12:44

It was in the budget in New York, and you're never gonna find something like this.

SPEAKER_03 12:49

Thank God. Okay, so now we are officially in uh is this a shed? What is this? Is this considered a shed or a cabin? I don't know if it's a cabin. It's a shed made out of wood.

SPEAKER_07 13:07

Yeah, I think it originally was a shed. Yeah. Like the storage.

SPEAKER_03 13:12

Yeah, but all right, and so how much was this?

SPEAKER_07 13:14

This was $70.

SPEAKER_03 13:16

You owe me $70.

unknown 13:18

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 13:19

No, you owe the Patreon $70. Patreons, we apologize. I used your money thinking this would be a good challenge. No, but you know what? Because usually when we're doing the tour, I I say, whatever. You have a $200 budget. You have this budget, and you find me something in this. So I said under $80. So this was in the budget. Was this the only thing in New York under $80? Uh there were, yeah, pretty much. Pretty much. Okay. So if you're visiting New York, just know there is not a lot of options under $80 a night. All right, let's begin so that we can leave. Are you itchy? I don't know if just the thought of me being out in the woods makes me itchy.

SPEAKER_07 14:00

Same. Same. I'm not an outdoorsy person.

SPEAKER_03 14:03

No. Like we like the beach. That's outdoors.

SPEAKER_07 14:06

That's it.

SPEAKER_03 14:06

So I asked you guys to write in your Airbnb horror stories, and there was so many. I picked four, and let's read them. All right, the first one comes in from Maria. I once booked an Airbnb in Paris where you rented a room inside a family's apartment. I arrived late in the evening, so they just showed me my room and the bathroom, and we all went to sleep. The next morning I finally met the whole family and realized there were two kids around 10 and 15 who I hadn't even seen the night before. They started giving me a tour of the apartment, kitchen, living room, and then they opened a curtain in the hallway like it was a big reveal. Behind it, there were two tiny beds. That's where the kids slept when they had guests. So basically, I had unknowingly kicked the children out of their beds and into a Harry Potter-style curtain closet. I'm still not sure why they proudly showed me the evidence. Okay. First off, so we do a lot of Airbnbs, but usually we Airbnb an entire apartment or entire house. Even this is considered the entire thing because it's not a room in someone else's home. Because I get very like, I don't know, I just don't want to be sleeping with someone else's. And I know you're like, but Robin, the people who have the house can just come in. I I know, but I just don't want to share a space. But that is crazy and also hilarious. But it also reminded me one time we were in Seattle and we Airbnb'd and it said we had the whole apartment, like our own entryway. But the apartment was actually the downstairs of the house. Hold on, I have to sneeze.

SPEAKER_07 15:49

Patreon.

SPEAKER_03 15:50

I am definitely allergic to the outdoors. Oh, do you think that's why we have headaches?

SPEAKER_07 15:55

And I I took Claret and D already. I wonder why.

SPEAKER_03 15:59

Are we like losers? Are we dorks that got beaten up in high school like allergies?

SPEAKER_07 16:05

No, I think we've been cityized.

SPEAKER_03 16:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 16:08

Or citified? Like we're so used to.

SPEAKER_03 16:10

But even Long Island growing up on Long Island, it wasn't like the outdoors. No, not like this. I blame our parents. They never took us camping. Did you ever go camping?

SPEAKER_07 16:18

No, we went that one time with uh Uncle Gary and Aunt Debbie.

SPEAKER_03 16:22

I went that was me. You weren't there.

SPEAKER_07 16:25

No, no, no. This is before you were born. Me and a CIA went.

SPEAKER_03 16:29

Uncle Gary once took me and then his kids camping in New Mexico. And at the time he had a dog named Matza. And he like when we were driving there, he was like, we passed a sign that said beware of dog. And he was like, oh my god, we should put up a sign because we have Matzah with us. He's like, we'll put up a sign that says beware of matzah. And I was like 12, but I thought this was so funny. And you know how, like, in our family, if someone laughs at a joke, we just say it over and over and over and over again. Oh, yeah. So like all night, Uncle Gary would be like, Beware of matza, beware of matza. And I just like thought that was so funny. All right. Anyway, so we were in Seattle, and security got us an Airbnb. It did have its own entryway, but it was a part of the house. And so we checked in and we're like in the living room, and all of a sudden, a door within the apartment swings open, and it was like three steps up in the apartment, and then there was a door opens, and it was like this old couple, and they're like, Hi, welcome to our home. If you need anything, we're just behind this door. And then we realized like we were living, we were staying with grandma and grandpa. Like we were in their home.

SPEAKER_04 17:38

Like, yes, it was a door, but it was like in their home, and it was like so awkward.

SPEAKER_07 17:44

It might have been a mistake on my end. Do you know you're speaking really loud? Oh, really?

SPEAKER_01 17:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 17:52

You know, it's very possible that I didn't realize that it said attached and not, you know, its own house.

SPEAKER_03 17:59

A lot of things we do are attached, though, now that I think about it.

SPEAKER_07 18:02

But it's like a full-on light. It looks like a locked door.

SPEAKER_03 18:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 18:07

Like not, you don't realize that it's a like we were just in their basement.

SPEAKER_03 18:10

Yeah, pretty much. We were in grandma and grandpa's basement. Alright, let's get to the next story. Alright, this is from Patty. Huh. P A T T E E. Patty, right? Or Patty. Pate. Pate? Because I would spell Patty P-A-T-T-Y. She spells it P-A-T-T-E-E. Pet T. Okay. Recently stayed at an Airbnb with my whole family. Me, husband, his kids, and my kids. And my son and his wife arrived before I did, and he sent me a picture of an open condom wrapper that was left on the nightstand in the bedroom where they were staying in. And he said it looked like there was some lube on the nightstand too. We were all horrified. I had a message the host and asked her if the bedding had been changed before our schedule stay. Needless to say, they were horrified too. But we stayed and prayed for no more surprises. Let me tell you why this is a problem because on Airbnb you get charged for cleaner that come beforehand. And like that is so important that they are cleaning the Airbnb that you know they're changing the bed sheets, that they're like cleaning the toilets and sinks, and like, yeah, that is so bad. Because if there's condoms, that means the place was not cleaned. To me, that's the horror story. Like, this is scary, but I'd rather scary than oh my gosh. So there was a situation. We're gonna have to dive into this. Okay. We got time. No, we don't. We gotta get out of here. Okay. This is probably a craziest Airbnb story, and it's not so much the Airbnb, it's the story. Okay, so you guys may remember, but after I went viral in 2020, there was like two or three times in the following like two years I had to go to LA, and security found me a studio in Brentwood, which is like a pretty nice area, which is why I didn't mind that the studio was tiny and the fridge was next to the bed. Okay, some of you may remember this. And what happened was it was almost like the garage of a house, like it was kind of attached, but like I had my own entranceway, my own bathroom, everything. Okay. So the first trip, like it was fine, it was clean enough, it was in a good neighborhood. I felt safe being alone. Okay, then remember because security's in New York, I was going by myself, and at this time I was dating my ex Frank, okay? And uh he had come a few times, and then the second time I stayed there, he stayed with me, and then the third time I stayed there. I didn't know this, but they had changed on the Airbnb that if you have more than one person staying, it's an extra hundred dollars a night. But I didn't see that, but I just need to make that clear that it did say that. I'm staying there, and Frank stays with me for three nights. Uh, like whatever it was, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, and then he goes back to San Diego because he had work on Monday. On Wednesday, security flies in from um New York. We had a big meeting and we're gonna do some filming. So he flies in on Thursday, and security stays Thursday and Friday, and then the two of us fly back. Okay, I you need all of this. Also, it's kind of important on Thursday when he fli flew in, something we filmed, he brought with him a blow up doll because we wanted to go to Rodeo Drive and film me with a blow up doll. Okay, that's important to the story. Anyway, we get home and Get a message on Airbnb after I checked out saying, Since you had two extra guests staying for the week, you will now be charged $1,400, $100 for each person. And we write back and we said, What are you talking about? And he said, In the clause, it says for every night that you have at one or two or three more guests than just you, you get charged $100. And we said, Oh my gosh, we didn't see this. We're so sorry. With that said, we and one person stayed for three nights and another person stayed for two nights. So we didn't see this update. We've stayed with you many times before where we had people, but we will pay you the $500 since there was five nights where someone stayed. They said, No, we know for a fact you had three people in total staying for seven nights. And we said, no, we did not. And then he said, yes, you did. And then we said, you have a camera outside. You can see. So they said, we did see. We saw that there were three people staying there seven nights a week. You owe us $1,400. So then security contacts Airbnb and was like, we offered him $500 for those extra nights, but he's trying to say that it was an extra two people for all seven nights. And Airbnb reached out to him and said, Do you have any proof of this? So then they he they said, We don't have video, but we have pictures. So then they showed a picture of Frank one time leaving. Then they shed a picture of security walking out holding the blow-up doll. Okay. So then Frank has on his ring camera him in San Diego for all the other days, those four nights that he wasn't there, coming and going from work. So he has timestamps. So we send those timestamps to Airbnb. And we said, look, yes, Frank was there for three nights, but then all these other days, we have video evidence. This guy who has video is only showing you two screenshots. And one of them is with a blow-up doll, not another human. Okay. We said again, offer him the $500. And the guy again refuses the $500 and says, no, I want my own money. And we send them security's flight log, like his thing showing that he came and left in a two-day span. So he couldn't have been there. So we had evidence that Frank wasn't there all seven days and that security wasn't there for all seven days. So then Airbnb says, okay, he now is saying that he'll take the $500. And we said no, because he was trying to scam us. He was trying to lie and say that we had three people there all seven nights when we did not. And then it went to the Airbnb court and we won. And we didn't have to pay anything because he was trying to scam us and rip us off. Not only that, the next person to stay after us left a bad review and was like, this place is disgusting. Plus, someone with long black hair must have stayed before me because it's all over the bathroom.

SPEAKER_05 25:29

So I was like, that's my hair. Sorry.

SPEAKER_06 25:31

When I read that, I was laughing and I sent it right to you. I'm like, Robin.

SPEAKER_03 25:37

They ended up having to lower the prices because we had left a bad review. Actually, only time we've ever left a bad review. Only time I've ever left. And we've stayed in some really shady places, but but you know what? We know what I would never leave this bad review because this is exactly what we asked for. Let's move on to the next horror story. All right, this one's good because this one's coming from an Airbnb renter from the other side.

SPEAKER_08 26:01

Ooh.

SPEAKER_03 26:01

Oh, one of the Texas sisters. Do you remember when we went to Texas? There were three sisters. Yeah. And then I think they came to Atlantic City or they came somewhere.

SPEAKER_07 26:11

I think it was Atlantic City they came to.

SPEAKER_03 26:13

Oh, hi, Texas sisters. Okay. Oh my God. I have so many. I own two short-term rentals on a lake in Texas. The worst were cleaning up after sex on our pool table and a mixture of fake eyelashes and vomit in one of our showers. A runner-up story: kids eating spaghetti on white bedding, peeing and pooping in the yard, and leaving the house all weekend, leading to a thousand dollar water bill. Renting is not for the faint of heart. So you know what? I never think about it on the other end, because I'm always like, I'm on the other, I've never, but you know, because I that scared the hell out of me. That scare if you're listening, not watching, I put my hand and behind me is a hammock, and the hammock touched me. I just had a heart attack. I just had a heart attack. I just had a heart attack. I don't think you know it. I just touched me so lightly, it felt like a ghost put their hand on me. I I just had a heart attack. I don't think you understood what I just went through, Richie. Security. I can't even think straight. It f this felt like someone was lightly putting their hand on me.

SPEAKER_07 27:50

This is gonna be a great episode.

SPEAKER_03 27:53

Alright, what the hell were we talking about? Oh, I live by the Javit Center.

SPEAKER_07 27:58

Yeah, Javit's the Javit Center. Javit Center.

SPEAKER_03 28:00

Okay. My heart is pounding. Like, I'm actually like, that was so scary. So I live by the Javit Center, and that's where they do Comic-Con in New York, and it's huge. I mean, like, hundreds of thousands of people come to New York for this. And I live like in walking distance. So I always thought if I rent my apartment, which is a two-bedroom, two-bath, we could rent it out for easily a thousand dollars a night during Comic-Con. And like, can you imagine just like for four nights, just renting it, make four thousand dollars and but the thought of just letting like six friends stay at my apart, I I can't. It's not that I'm nervous about them stealing. I just don't want like like that. I don't want people having like sex in the apartment. I don't want people like peeing in the shower.

SPEAKER_07 28:49

But you have two bathrooms, it would be your shower.

SPEAKER_05 28:51

Yeah, I'd lock my bathroom when I make them use Antonio's.

SPEAKER_03 28:56

I'm like, you can only sleep on this side of the bed and use that bathroom. Okay. Yeah, I don't think I could. You should rent yours.

SPEAKER_07 29:07

I should.

SPEAKER_03 29:08

Oh my god, you'd get the worst reviews.

SPEAKER_05 29:12

I had to climb five flights. His couch is ripped to shreds.

SPEAKER_07 29:18

There's dog hair everywhere. But the dog sleeps on the couch. You'd have to share it with the dog. You'd leave your dog? Well, I'd sleep there also.

SPEAKER_05 29:29

That's not how Airbnbs work.

SPEAKER_03 29:33

That's getting a prostitute. Okay. This is from Sabrina. Hi, Robin and security. A few years ago, me and my husband stayed at an Airbnb in New Pauls, New York. It was a newly renovated huge basement apartment. Pictures were great. Space was clean and modern. Unfortunately, we didn't read all the reviews when we booked and missed the ones about the giant spiders. I should also mention that due to the modern Bo H O style, the bed was basically Boho. Not Bo H O. Okay, I should also mention that due to the modern Boho style, the bed was basically on the ground, just a little wooden platform with a mattress on top. We were there for maybe 20 minutes before we spotted our first spider. They were gigantic. Not to be dramatic, but they were like baby tranchulas. We were left to spray with directions and a note promising the spiders were not dangerous. We did stay our two nights and we didn't die of systematic poisoning. However, I will always read every single review from now on. Love you, your kid, Sabrina. Okay, I have to tell you, that's how I felt about the bear sign. Like the way she feels about the spider. I'm like, now I want to go back and read the reviews. Because I didn't, guys, I didn't find this. I didn't even look at a review. When we all the Airbnbs we always stay at, I don't look at one review. I just trust security is reading. And you say you do.

SPEAKER_07 31:05

Yeah, this Airbnb had over like 200 reviews, has a 4.8 reading.

SPEAKER_03 31:12

Okay, let me tell you why. Because I feel like people who stay here like the outdoors. 100%. And you're staying here because you said you need sleeping bags, right? So actually, this is a step up from a sleeping bag outside because you're staying a sleeping bag in a cabin.

SPEAKER_07 31:26

And there are like Airbnb places that are just like places to like bring a tent.

SPEAKER_03 31:31

Okay.

SPEAKER_07 31:34

Yeah, there are some Airbnbs like that.

SPEAKER_03 31:35

Oh my gosh. During the pandemic, I wanted to quit life. And so I had said to Regina that I was gonna sell my things and get a van and live in the woods. And Regina would be like, Robin, you don't drive and you hate the outdoors. And I was like, oh yeah. She's like, find a new plan. And so then I was like, okay, fine, I'm gonna become a nurse. I'm gonna go to nursing school. She's like, Robin, you don't like to study. You don't like vomit or poop or anyone sick. And I'm like, oh yeah. But anyway, those were my game plans. I I admire both people. I admire both people that like one that love the outdoors and could live in a van. That seems so fun. I just can't because I don't like bugs or bears. And I would love to be a nurse. I think nurses are the really truly one of the most important jobs there are. And a good nurse is a is an angel. I just would not be good at it because like Regina pointed out, I don't like vomit or poop. And I feel like those are two things you have to be okay with. Like if I was a nurse of someone and they vomited, I would start vomiting. Because if I see, hear, or smell vomit, I'm out. Like I'll be done for and then poop, you would never see me because I would have been gone. And I wanna help people. Like I feel like my personality wants to be a nurse, but I'm just not a caretaker.

SPEAKER_07 33:00

Oh, you're gonna be great with a dog.

SPEAKER_03 33:03

Oh yeah. So I've already spoken to Dr. Piano Man about that. He's gonna be in charge of walking and I'm gonna be in charge of cuddling.

SPEAKER_07 33:10

Oh, okay. Well And when he's away, I'm guessing I'm in charge of I'm in charge of walking.

SPEAKER_03 33:18

Truthfully, this was a big reason why I knew I could never be a parent. Because if that baby like threw up on me or went to the bathroom and I'm just gonna be winning to the bathroom for three years. I just like I could not.

SPEAKER_06 33:33

Can you imagine this baby walking and the diapers like huge hanging blind?

SPEAKER_03 33:38

He's like three with like a three-year diaper. Yeah, no, I just I can't do those things. And like this is why I really need to make it big. Because I like when Dr. Piano Man gets old, well, I'll be old too. Like, we need a caretaker because I can't change his diaper.

SPEAKER_07 33:55

Don't look at me.

SPEAKER_03 33:56

What? You're gonna change me in Dr.

SPEAKER_04 33:58

Piano Man's diaper. What? You do it for Oates.

SPEAKER_07 34:04

I do anything for him.

SPEAKER_04 34:07

But you wouldn't change Dr. Piano Man's diaper.

SPEAKER_07 34:10

I'm not gonna change Dr. Piano Man's diaper.

SPEAKER_04 34:14

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 34:18

This is not funny. So I'm just saying it. I'm laughing, but no, this is not funny what I'm about to say. So my pa my grandparents lived in like an assistant living towards the end of their lives. And towards the real end of my grandfather's, like he had someone, like an aide that you know helped him with bathroom stuff. And we were in the room, and then like afterwards we leave. They were on the third floor of a building, and the aide was like, Okay, can you step out? I need to clean up your grandfather. And so my dad's like, no, no, we're leaving anyway. So we say goodbye and we leave, and my dad's like, let's take the stairs. And as we're walking up the stairs, my dad's like, you know, whenever I get to that point, just just kill me. Like, just kill me. And so then I was like, okay. And then he was like, we were about to walk down the stairs. He goes, actually, Robin, can you go in front of me? I feel like you may take that. A little too seriously. Because I was like, okay. He's like, you were a little too fast with the okay? And then I need you to walk in front of me.

SPEAKER_04 35:25

You were there. Do you remember this? No, I don't. That is so funny. That is so funny. And then he made me walk in front of him down the stairs.

SPEAKER_05 35:32

He was like, You were a little too fast with that, okay. Okay, I have a story for you. It's a dad story. But this is so fucking funny.

SPEAKER_03 35:43

So Dr. Pianaman and I went out to visit mom and dad on Sunday. And then dad was driving me and Antonio to the train station. And so he pulled into a Wendy's drive-thru to get himself a Diet Coke. The the lady at the window had like strong facial hair, right? And so Dad like has one hand, you know, one on the soda and leans over Dr. Pian and goes, you know, she was trans. Like letting Dr. Piano know that dad's hip and nose trans people, right? He's like, you know, she's trans. And so then I said, I said, no, Dad, she's not trans. That was just a woman with facial hair. And then dad's like, no, I'm pretty sure that was a trans, that was a trans man. And then I was like, no, um, it was a woman with facial hair. And then I said, Dr. Chapman, what are you thinking? He's like, well, I was thinking, how could I bring this up without being offensive? And I realized I can't, so I'm not gonna say anything, but then we didn't get more than three feet away from her before the two of you.

SPEAKER_05 36:55

He's like, I was thinking, well, I guess I can't bring this up because there's no way to without being offensive. But I read you didn't make it three feet.

SPEAKER_04 37:06

And then I was like, okay, well, maybe it's just that your dad doesn't know what's appropriate to bring up.

SPEAKER_03 37:12

But Robin, you chimed in just as equally as fast. Dad wasn't saying it in an offensive way at all. He was saying it like, oh, I'm hit, you kids may not know what trans people are.

SPEAKER_04 37:23

And then Silva, you know she's trans.

SPEAKER_03 37:25

All right, thank you guys for writing in. There was a lot, so we actually are gonna do a part two Airbnb. Oh, but you know what? It should be a different Airbnb. Like, we'll do a part two in a different Airbnb. I love that.

SPEAKER_07 37:37

I love that idea.

SPEAKER_03 37:38

We may be going to England. Do you know this? We are an archaeological dig place in England reached out. So we may be going to England. So let me just say, Patreons, thank you so much because we would not be able to do this without you.

SPEAKER_07 37:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 37:54

So that is a reminder. If you'd like to join Patreon, you'll be paying for our archaeological dig exploration.

SPEAKER_07 38:03

No, excavation.

SPEAKER_03 38:05

Well, you know, it depends who you ask. I am so claustrophobic that I'm actually having an out-of-body experience. Like I'd feel I feel I feel high.

SPEAKER_07 38:19

It could be the wood.

SPEAKER_03 38:21

Or it could be that this is what they do. They get they there's fumes and then they're gonna murder us. No. Which is gonna lead to next week's episode. Is gonna be spooky stories here at an Airbnb. Oh, so we know what's happening next week. Yes. No, we don't. Because we don't know what's gonna happen. I don't want to sleep here tonight, but we will stay till it gets dark.

SPEAKER_08 38:42

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 38:43

We're about to call Mama Shaw to get our motherly advice and get our producer shout-outs. Guys, I forgot this was not fully thought out, so we didn't give Mama Shaw any heads up about motherly advice, so I don't think I'm the only one thing. Hello? Hey mom. Hi, I missed you. I'm oh sorry, I didn't call you because Security and I decided to get an Airbnb and record podcasts today.

SPEAKER_01 39:17

Right in the middle of the woods.

SPEAKER_03 39:19

Oh, you saw my Insta stories?

SPEAKER_01 39:22

Oh guys. Are they crazy? So we started we don't see what they're talking about. I go, they're filming using it to film a podcast. I go, what? What are you talking? Doesn't he film home wherever? I said, okay, calm down. Go back to work.

SPEAKER_03 39:47

Yeah, well, if you never see us.

SPEAKER_01 39:49

Did you get eaten by a bear?

SPEAKER_03 39:51

No, but apparently there's bears around here because there's a sign saying what we should do if we encounter one. Run! No, no, some you're not supposed to. So there's one bear you're supposed to agree.

SPEAKER_01 40:02

Risky got don't you remember when he went to camp? What? When Risky went to sleepaway camp.

SPEAKER_03 40:09

What happened?

SPEAKER_01 40:10

He was the counselor. That's the only time he went to sleepaway camp. And if I remember the story correctly, he there was a bear, but he just stood still.

SPEAKER_03 40:20

Is this true? Mm-hmm. How come you never told me this story? Wait, you encountered a bear? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:27

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 40:29

And you lived to tell the tale and you don't tell it every single day of your life?

SPEAKER_01 40:33

The bear didn't eat him. He was I I maybe he was a kosher bear.

SPEAKER_05 40:39

Security's not kosher?

SPEAKER_01 40:42

Richie's not kosher. I don't think eating another person is kosher.

SPEAKER_03 40:47

Daddy said okay. You ready to do your producer shout-outs? No. We just texted it to you.

SPEAKER_01 40:56

Oh, I wasn't with my phone. I was in the bathroom. Oh. You better not be filming that. I would you remember that story? Daddy now remembers the bath story. Oh, you gotta put that into the podcast.

SPEAKER_03 41:20

Robin? Mom, we're recording. Hello? Hello? Mom, we're recording right now. No. Wait.

SPEAKER_01 41:30

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 41:33

Wait, I'm laughing. Give me a second.

SPEAKER_01 41:41

Aren't we supposed to have that distinct sign in front of me and you clip it and that's it?

SPEAKER_04 41:48

Oh my God. Okay.

SPEAKER_05 41:50

I'm gonna tell you what's gonna happen. NBZ is gonna see one episode and they're gonna give you a show and not me. Okay, action.

SPEAKER_01 42:03

We want to thank all the Patreons, and I want to give a shout out to those in the producer tier. We have Tony Hattinger, Veronica and Deanna, Susan Santoro, Thomas Hyes, and Dr. Pianaman. I just want to thank all our Patreons and for your support for Robin and the arts.

SPEAKER_03 42:28

And because if it wasn't for the Patrons, we wouldn't be in this cabin in the woods right now.

SPEAKER_01 42:32

That's right. Where can I ask, where exactly is the woods?

SPEAKER_03 42:37

It's about two hours away from Manhattan.

SPEAKER_01 42:39

But it's on planet Earth.

SPEAKER_03 42:41

We are on planet Earth.

SPEAKER_01 42:43

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 42:43

And security has my location.

unknown 42:47

Oh, good.

SPEAKER_03 42:48

Which is not helpful if we both get Ian. All right. So now it's time for your motherly advice.

SPEAKER_01 42:55

Wait, cut.

SPEAKER_03 42:59

I wanted to see what you would say.

SPEAKER_05 43:01

I already told them that I didn't tell you I was calling, so you're not gonna have anything planned.

SPEAKER_03 43:05

Do you have any advice on what to do if you're scared? Because like I'm a little scared right now.

SPEAKER_01 43:10

Are you in uh the woods right now?

SPEAKER_03 43:13

Yeah, we're in the cabin in the woods.

SPEAKER_01 43:15

Well, first of all, is your phone charged?

SPEAKER_05 43:18

I have 14% battery.

SPEAKER_01 43:22

My advice is that if you're going somewhere, you know, make sure your phone is charged. It's a lifeline. It can help you reach out to an emergency in case of an emergency.

SPEAKER_03 43:38

But if a bear, like if a bear attacks us, who am I calling, you know?

SPEAKER_01 43:43

The park ranger. If you're in the woods, it must be like uh what is it, a forest ranger or something.

SPEAKER_03 43:52

Did you see that, Richie? Mom, mom, the door just opened on its own.

SPEAKER_01 43:58

It's the wind. wind. Don't freak. I'm sure it's probably the wind. Oh you got Odie there to protect me.

SPEAKER_03 44:10

Yeah and he's laying there so calm.

SPEAKER_01 44:12

Like this guy is doing and don't let anything happen to Odie.

SPEAKER_05 44:18

Okay, so your motherly advice is charge your phone.

SPEAKER_01 44:21

Well or what is it? Also it wouldn't be it would also be smart. Do you is either what car did you rent the car?

SPEAKER_03 44:30

No, we took uh Dr. Piano Man's.

SPEAKER_01 44:32

Okay, you know what? You should have a first aid kit in there also. It's a smart thing to have in the case.

SPEAKER_03 44:38

That is a smart thing to have in a car is a first aid kit. You know you say this, but I never remember you and Daddy having a first aid kit.

SPEAKER_01 44:47

Well that's because half the things I carry in my purse are like for the mom you're welcome. Stay safe. Get home from there all right in one piece each of you.

SPEAKER_03 45:02

We're not sleeping here. We're gonna do record a second episode and then we're gonna head home oh I wish you would have let me know I would have liked to come that's what Dr. Piano Man said he was like oh I wish I didn't have to work I would have come yeah it's like a little outing yeah all right love you love you too bye bye calendars are still on sale if you'd like a calendar they are on sale till April 1st so make sure you get it you can head over to my Etsy page the link will be in the description below if you'd like to join Patreon the link will be in the description below make sure you're subscribing and leaving nice comments and the likes all of that really helps the podcast a lot so alright security you did good on this Airbnb.

SPEAKER_07 45:47

I think I did really well I feel claustrophobic.

SPEAKER_03 45:52

Maybe we should go outside nope I'm good staying inside all right guys we'll see you next week when we have no clue what's gonna happen not even me.

SPEAKER_06 46:00

What was that for you too shall we tackle can't you see this is where you wanna be