Unsolicited Business Advice
Let's be real.
You may feel like your business owns you. You may feel uncomfortable that business has become stuffy, so you either dress up or don't show up. You are possibly on the roller coaster of wearing all the hats and wondering if it's time to close your doors.
Unsolicited Business Advice
#24: "Where's My Restlessness Coming From?"
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Well, friends, since Callie doesn’t believe in coincidences and Amanda showed up to record in a rather restless way…we hit record and unpacked it.
And when we say we unpacked it, we mean Amanda brought the messy, real, rawness of life (with a lot of tears), and Callie sat in her role as a mental health counselor (yes, a legit licensed one) and created all the space for it.
Key Takeaways:
- The “going on a bear hunt song”...they were actually referring to the deep emotions that you can’t go under or around
- Are we putting the wrong label on ourselves?
- It’s easier to blame a thing or a person or an entity…but first you have to look at the part you’re choosing to play
And, Amanda here…thank you, Callie, for encouraging this conversation..apprecaite you! And, thank you, Kassidy, for editing this because there was a lot of crying to edit out!
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This is the Unsolicited Business Advice Podcast. We're Amanda and Callie, founders, moms, and friends who believe your heart is valid and your way is good enough.
SPEAKER_00Around here, we skip the buttoned-up LinkedIn talk and dive straight into real conversations about growing a startup, balancing motherhood, and rejecting the hustle culture. Consider this your weekly reminder that business can actually feel joyful again. Okay. Episode 24, right? Yes. Yeah. Yep. Um, so I have to tell you guys before we get started here, I'm gonna actually ask the question today because um Amanda's coming in with the issue. She just doesn't know it.
SPEAKER_01No, I know it. I just don't know how to verbalize the issue.
SPEAKER_00Well, I get out of my car here at the um podcasting studio, and I see Amanda, and she is okay, she's adorable, so that kind of like whatever, that sucks. She's one of those cute people that's just always cute, which is annoying.
SPEAKER_01There's one of those compliments. Yeah, right. I do have a lot of those backhand compliments for you.
SPEAKER_00She's adorable and it's it's uh so annoying. But I could tell by her face that's there's some shit going on. I'm probably gonna cry. Well, have at it. But I think like we need to talk about that because I've I've wanted to talk about this a little bit in the past, but it hasn't felt like the right time. But today, after seeing her face and feeling her vibration, I'm like, today's the day. So we're gonna start with this. So Amanda is a longtime career woman entrepreneur, she's done a lot of things. Currently, she is she is currently an entrepreneur and is um doing some pretty heavy business stuff with um as a consultant with other businesses. And so since I know that about her and I know what's on her plate, I can say she does a lot both at business in at home. And currently she's feeling really restless. So I want to talk about, and my question to you is where is all the restlessness currently coming from? Just give me a one-word answer. Don't expand. Just give me a one-word answer. Myself. Okay. And the restlessness that's coming from yourself, is it business directed, personal directed? Both? Both. Okay. And when did you first notice it?
SPEAKER_01Noticed it pro uh I think without being able to name it, because I couldn't name it until about two weeks ago. One of like the session, like the um services at church talked about like feelings and naming it. And I actually went in that morning, like, I'm good. And then it talked about it, and then restlessness popped up on the screen, and I started crying. And I was like, Oh my gosh. Yeah, that's it. I'm not like frustrated, yeah, annoyed, yeah, restless, oh my. Um so I think it started last summer.
SPEAKER_00Okay. And keep that, but explain restlessness as as it what it means to you.
SPEAKER_01Like, I just wanna go like balls to the walls and like conquer and do and achieve and just go. And I can't. What's the I can't? It's all like this, it's weird to say this without like so. I see a sound healer and I'm going through a lot of like a lot of internal stuff and like awareness of here come the tears. Um, my past.
SPEAKER_00I wish I could reach you. I can't, I can't reach her. She's very far away from me.
SPEAKER_01Just like being really honest with my past, which like a lot of it's my mom, and knowing that, like I have to be really honest with what happened to be able to like do anything else. And like my sound here, and then like our friend Mandy, like they do astrology, which I don't understand at all. But it's like looking at that, it is like in my chart, like I'm just supposed to be the most selfish person right now to figure out me. And I've never done that. And so it's like sitting through the like heaviness of okay, so here's the deal like my mom essentially, my I have an older brother, and he was more of the favorite and like the fun one and the exciting one. I came in and won like my mom thought I was supposed to be a boy. I wasn't, and she was like, Well, that sucks. So, like, welcome. Um and she just wasn't there. Like, she she wasn't, she wasn't, I don't know, I don't I'm trying to think of how to say this. Like, she didn't choose to be a mom, like a nurturing, loving, like I had kids, so like I want to help nurture them and like nourish them. She didn't want to do that. And so my parents got divorced when I was five. And even before that, like she really just was she was there, but she wasn't there, right? Like, she just wanted to party. And then the older I got, like I just never I never wanted to be there unless, and then as I got older again, or like I kept getting older, and I could take advantage of it in some ways. Like, I knew she would buy me like my clothes that are on layaway at Buckle. I knew that like if I wanted to have friends over, like they would be at her house because she wanted to be the cool parent, and like I was trying so badly to fit in. And all of that to say, like, I've the work I've been doing has been just looking at the fact that like she didn't like Sean says the phrase like she didn't deserve me because like she had a kid and then didn't want to be the parent, so she wasn't there. So it's almost like I've been trying to find or my god, I feel like this is all over the freaking place.
SPEAKER_00Well, most of the time mental health stuff is.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00I don't yeah, I don't I don't typically step in here and and say my thoughts based on what I see in you, but I'm gonna do that today for the purpose of a podcast because there's no visual. Right. Right. We can't, we just have words to exchange. So I'm gonna try to do that with some grace. But what I see in all of that, and side note here, people, I kinda I knew that backstory, but what I s have seen in the past 10, 12 years that we've known each other is that you've spent the previous 40 years of your life trying to um become and do and be all of those things that you saw in the world as having value. So a lot of times for you, that had to do with business, it had to do with career, it had to do with the way certain people in your life um looked, and you wanted to emulate that and you wanted to represent that because you found value in that, and you thought, if I see value in that and I can become that, then maybe my mom would see value in me. And there's and I I don't know how true that is for you, but on the outside looking in, there's that, I see that from you. And so you have a lot of things that in your life and in your person have come through the need to feel and be valued from your mom. Yeah, a lot of achievement has been based on the need and the value that you seek or that have sought from her. And and there's a point to this, it's an incredible thing to be the person on the outside, the third party looking in and watching that and seeing you because there's a piece of me as your friend who's angry at your mom. But there's a larger piece of me, and you can punch me if you want to, that loves her for giving you the kind of drive and ambition and greatness that it took to become who you are now. Yeah. And it sucks because you got there through pain and restlessness and all the feelings that you hate having, but somehow that pain has shown up in the world as something we all need. We've needed you. Like a lot of people around you have needed you and you've shown up. And I'm not saying that wouldn't have happened if you had a leave it to beaver childhood. Um but would it would have been different. Yeah. And I I'm wondering if because of all of that, uh if there's any piece of you that sees the value in her pain. Is there a piece of me that sees the value through her pain? Well, through the pain she caused you. Through the pain that is her for you. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01The the pain that it's caused me has been helpful. I think to become a really good parent and to have a really deep empathy for what people are going through. And to see below like the bullshit that they're masking with. Yeah. Because I forever have mostly unconsciously like masked it. Yeah. Cause and my friend Renee, who I have done a lot of stuff with, I'd be like, I have to do the laundry and I have to like cut the sweet potatoes and get all this. And she's like, none of that matters. I'm like, how are we gonna eat? How who how's Ellie gonna like wear horse riding pants if they're dirty? Like, and she's like, Yes, and what's below it? And she was the one that first called it out of like, you're not happy being the homemaker.
SPEAKER_00And I think for you, that means something totally different than it does to other people whose moms were there.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. And I think they're like forever, it's like there's a there's been a guilt. I feel like I've touched on this maybe a little bit in previous episodes, but like she didn't it sounds so harsh, but like she didn't want me, and she didn't want to to be there during the day-to-day, mundane hard times. It was the fun times. And so part of me is like to myself, like, who are you to not how do you not want to stay at home with your kids and give them like every single thing that they need? You didn't have that, you have the opportunity to do it, and you don't want to. Like, is your work her alcohol? Wow, how'd that feel to say? Well, Sean and I have talked about this before, and it's like it was a light bulb. And I don't know if I've like still put a feeling towards that because it's not the first time I've said it, and it like feels like a like it should be like this big aha, but for some reason it's just not really it's not okay. Yeah, I think it's just a statement right now, sure. And then it's like, am I pushing so far in the direction of achievement to not end up like her? I don't like I don't know.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, well try this on for size. You to the world are an entrepreneur, a business builder, a consultant. You literally created a business that sole purpose is to rush in and help people to keep themselves from basically self-destructing in the business world. That's what you've done. You've created a blueprint and a way of being so that people don't have to completely collapse on themselves and their businesses. You have uh bombed all of us, and it's not surprising to me at all that you've chosen that path and you've created that avatar for yourself because that fixes a lot of things for you.
SPEAKER_01Well, and my sound earlier Karen's like, do you do the work you do to fix other people's problems so you don't have to fix your own? And I'm like, oh that's a pretty valid question.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Because yeah, I mean, like I can stay busy all day long to not have to sit with the feelings I have when I know that about myself, so therefore I do hire people to make me sit in it and to pull it all out because like I don't love living in it, and so okay, like let's like face it head-on. We were just talking about before we push record, like it's the going on a bear hunt song. Like, you can't go under it, you can't go over it, like you gotta go through it. And gosh, does that suck? Yeah, like there's so much empowerment in it, and that's why I continue to do it because I know on the other side, like, not that it's not gonna be hard on the other side or messy, and like there's gonna be more, but like to just like dig this out of me and like face it head on, I know is so worth it. And I just though times like today, I just wanna be done with it. I don't want to have to do it anymore. And it like creeps back in, and I'm like, God, I thought we were thought we were past this.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And so well, I don't believe in coincidences, and you know that at all. And it's funny because and I've talked about this with my friends before. Um we've we've probably talked about this before, but it's interesting because I think when we all get to this place of restlessness, and it's easy to talk about business restlessness because it's very surface-oriented usually. Um but restlessness in general, it's easy to think, oh, we just gotta stop. Or okay, I'm self-aware, I know this is not making me happy, move on. And there is some validity to that, and there is some truth in that, and if that is uh what you truly want, I think whoever I'm talking to out there, go for it. Pull the plug. But what more often happens with our human selves is that uh this restlessness is not because we're not living our purpose. Because coincidences, they're not things aren't coincidental. You're you are where you are for a reason. Right. It is more typically the fact that as our human selves, we have the wrong label on it. Like what you're doing in your head is being done for reasons that you maybe aren't proud of. But in and that's the label you're giving it. But in your heart, there is a piece of you who genuinely cares about uh giving people the feeling that you are able to give people. And that's you know what that is. It's hard for me to explain that to other people because uh uh y you all don't know Amanda like I do. But there is something that you get out of being the person who is able to make people feel the way that you make them feel that you genuinely want, desire, and need. And I think the trick is being able to switch the labels. The label of I'm doing this because I need to or I have to, or I uh I need to show myself worth, or I need to believe in myself worth, or I need to prove my mom wrong, or I need to live up to an expectation I think my mom had of me, that label that you're currently working under will always leave you feeling restless. Yeah. But the label of this is who I am, and regardless of what industry I'm in to create this phenomenon, that's where I will shine. That's where I will truly show people who I am. I think you know 10% of that label. But I feel like in this life, the biggest pardon my French pain in the ass is switching those labels that we have. And you're not alone in that. That is not uncommon. In fact, that happens all the flip in time. And if you can get to the place where you feel that label, the real one, the one that doesn't hide behind another person's expectations, the one that we all know. I'm looking at Cassidy here, we all know who you are. We're all sure of it. Like we don't question it. We know where you come from, we know how you feel, we know what your purpose in this life is. We all know that. But and we assume that you do, but you still have 90% of the wrong label on it. Yeah, you know? I unfortunately think that's where restlessness comes from. Yeah. We could be in the right place, but we're not letting ourselves feel it.
SPEAKER_01Right. Is that probably why I'm usually like, let's just move? Let's just start all over. Girl, you need both.
SPEAKER_00Amanda and I both want to uh drop everything, sell everything, move to the coast, live in the mountains, not see another soul for the rest of our life.
SPEAKER_01No, I need other souls. But I think it's like, let me just like erase everything, not erase it, but just like get it. And I think I don't know, this is a conversation I had with Sean or one of our last podcast episodes, but it's like, well, it's the do whatever I want to, like middle finger up in the air. I don't care what other people think. When like to an extent, obviously, but it is like we get ourselves in these, I it was, I think it was episode 22, like we get ourselves in this routine where we don't allow ourselves the time and the space to figure out that 90%. And I know that I don't. I busy myself because I was like literally journeying on journaling on this last night of like my old hat is all or nothing. If I'm not working out seven days a week, then you might as well not. Like, I know that I know that that's not how it works. If I skip a day, it's gonna be okay. But like in my mind, that's just not. And so then it's like, well, I'm gonna fill my time up with all things business when I don't really have that much to do. And that's what Sean says. He goes, We could sell the house and move some. Else and you would find something else to busy yourself with. And I'm like, I don't think that's true. But I know that for the most part it is. But it's like, and he and I talked about this on Sunday. He and I, I was talking of like, I think the excitement for me of moving is it forces us to get out of like the routine that we have and the habits that we have chosen for ourselves. And I'm like, it just like starting over with a clean slate of like, nobody knows you, you can't do the work that you did before. You just have to start scratch and not not know a single soul. Like there's an excitement of that for me.
SPEAKER_00Absolutely.
SPEAKER_01While also knowing, like, I don't want to leave my dad, I don't leave Sean's mom. Like, we have a ton of help. I have a ton of friends, like, but also there is an excitement of that. I totally get it. And I well, I'm glad that you do. 100% because I feel like most people are like, what are you talking about? Why? Why is that exciting? And I think because I'm restless, I think that's like I have to do a full unplug, a full stop, a full burn it down in order to find this. Rather than maybe taking an hour a day to be quiet, even 30 minutes to be quiet and get honest and answer the questions like that are deeper inside me.
SPEAKER_00I'm not saying this as a judgment in any way at all because, girl, I'm with you, I'm in the same boat. Like, let's unplug and move and just stop and run away from it all. Yes. The only problem with that is literally the only problem with that is wherever you go, there you'll be. Yeah. And that's the only way you got here. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Which is like why when Sean's like, fine, let's do it. And I'm like, I'm just kidding. Partially because like that is kind of scary. Like a part of me would, but I was like, but I would want somebody else to make the decision to be like, hey, there's an opportunity out here if you're willing to move. Yeah. That's easier.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01But yes, and because I know deep down, smaller house, no chickens are like moving across the country, not knowing anybody, I would still have to look in the mirror. That's it, right there. And that's the hardest, that's the hardest person to look at. Oh, girl, I know. And it's like it's way easier to blame everything else. So much easier. It's I like it. I don't want it to be because I do know this, like, and I see it in people, but like they're blaming their boss, they're blaming the government, they're blaming everything else when it's like, yes, and what personal accountability are you taking? Yeah. And like, I get why people don't want to. Yeah. It's freaking messy. It sucks. Yep. It and like it's the bear hunt song. You gotta go through it. And then you see the people that uh would benefit from going through it, and you can't go through it for them. Yep. You can like you can lead them to water, but you can't make them drink.
SPEAKER_00You know, the one of the most difficult ways to sit back and watch, one of the most difficult things to sit back and watch and let them go through it just like you were referring to, is when you have to watch your kids do that.
SPEAKER_01Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_00And maybe this is just preparation and life fodder for being able to do that when you need to. Yeah. When you have to. Oh, yeah. I did it the other day with Ellie. Yeah. See, and it just gets worse and more intense. It just gets more and more intense. Yeah. Yeah. When they're making decisions about really big things that you in your head you're like, that could totally take you in the wrong direction. Yeah. And I'm just gonna sit here and watch you go through it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. You know? Yeah. And I think to I wanted to be a boy mom because I was more of a tomboy, like outside, let's get dirty, play sports. And I knew, here come tears again. When I had Ellie, like it was like to teach her the things that I wasn't taught.
SPEAKER_00God doesn't mess around. No. There are no points. So hard.
SPEAKER_01No.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, she's perfect for you.
SPEAKER_01She is. And also like her and Gracie. Gracie was like, like, that was our that was the reset for us, was Gracie. And she is a mirror. So last night when she was like Velcro and was like all over the place, and I was like, oh my gosh, what are you doing? And I'm like, oh, this is what's existing in my head. I'm like, you're mirroring me right now. Like, dang it. And I love her for that. And I also am like, somebody come get this child for a little bit. But also, like, yeah, it's yeah. Talk about sitting in it. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yep. And there's a phrase, it's funny, Mandy, our friend and I were talking about like tattoos, and there's one that I got because of my age that I am not proud of. Bill Tramp stamp. Sure. And I was like, I so badly like want to be cool and have like a full sleeve tattoo, but I don't know like what's meaningful enough to like permanently put that on my body. Sure. Of anything. And then like I don't remember where I heard it. I don't know if I said it or what it, but it was like the phrase, like, I am right here. Yeah. And it's something that like I have to repeat to myself so many times a day. And and I think it's huge because, like, and my sound healer was helping me with this because I'm like, Gracie's sitting there, like, I need you. I'm like, I'm right here. And she's like, but you're not. Yeah. Just like your mom wasn't. She was, but she wasn't. And she's like, you're so in your head of everything, is like, you're not there. And she sees that and she's telling you that. And I'm like, uh. And it's also like trust, like, and like, God, like, I am right here. And I'm like, but Mart Marisier, are you? Can you show me a sign that you are that I can trust this journey? And it's just like, I am and like to be where my feet are. Yeah. And it's like the smallest phrase, but like, I don't know if I've ever had like four words that have meant that much to me than like what I'm going through right now. If I get it tattooed, I don't know. But like part of me is like, you need to see that literally.
SPEAKER_00Didn't you say the hardest person to look at in the mirror is yourself? Okay. Well, um, maybe you should get that tattooed on your forehead. My forehead. Backwards. You can read it in the middle of it.
SPEAKER_01I can read it, yes.
SPEAKER_00Please do that. Oh my god, please do that. I think I'll pass. Yeah, well. Oh God. How fun was that? Was that fun?
SPEAKER_01Yes. You need a stiff drink? No, that would break a nine-year sobriety. Right, right. Speaking of my mom. Um no, I think it I need it because I need to say it out loud. Yeah. And not even to be like, other people hear me so that like you can look in the mirror yourself. But it's more just me proving that I don't have all my shit together and I wear that. I think I used to more than now wear that as a badge of honor. Because I needed people to know that they could depend on me. But then I also was doing it because I didn't want to depend on other people. Sure. I think because I couldn't depend on my mom. So yeah.
SPEAKER_00Look at you with all your awareness. That's annoying. Well, just know that amazing. It is amazing. It yes, it is. Just know that this podcast, specifically this episode, was not done in vain. There are so many people living the story you just told that needed to hear it. So thank you.
SPEAKER_01Thank you. And you know, this is the last thing. I think I told Sean this. It was a couple months ago. I was frustrated with you. Well, it's not surprising. But because it wasn't, but like we George is saying, I was like, I ask Callie so many times the questions I want the answers to, and she won't give me the answer. And I know she's not giving me the answer because I have to find it myself.
SPEAKER_00It just wouldn't mean anything.
SPEAKER_01I know. And I was like, I could give her every answer possible that she asks.
SPEAKER_00And you do, and I love it.
SPEAKER_01And I know. And then I'm like, why won't she answer my questions? And I know that it is on purpose. And so thank you. Well. Because you're like, I know it, but I'm not going to tell you. And I'm like, okay. Are we friends?
SPEAKER_00Um, which I feel like if you're really friends with somebody, you have to hate them a little bit for sure.
SPEAKER_01Well, it's uh very much like thank you for doing that because me finding it is me going through it. Yeah. So thanks. Not received yet. Okay. Bye.
SPEAKER_00Thanks for listening to the unsolicited business advice podcast. If you've got a question you want us to tackle, DM us or drop it in the comments. Your story might be in our next episode. And hey, if it resonates with you, hit follow and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Every review helps us reach more business owners who are ready to bring joy back into their work.