Let’s Talk About Comparison, Calling, and God’s Timing | The Mary & Martha Show

Ever feel like everyone else is moving ahead while you’re stuck in the same place?

In this episode of the Mary & Martha Podcast, we’re talking honestly about comparison, calling, and trusting God’s timing. Even as identical twins with similar callings, our journeys have looked very different and that’s exactly the point.

God doesn’t copy and paste callings. Your season, your path, and your timing are uniquely yours.

If you’ve ever felt behind, discouraged, or tempted to compare your life to someone else’s, this conversation is for you.

Remember: you’re not behind you’re just in a different season.

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Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:05

Well, welcome to the Mary Martha podcast. I'm Martha Munazzi. And I'm Mary Alisi. And we've got a great show for you today. We want to get right into it. How are you doing? I'm doing great. I'm excited. How are you doing? I'm doing great. I'm excited about this whole conversation that we've been having. Me too. We've been talking about this. We almost forgot to hit record because we were just kind of getting caught up in the things we were excited to talk about. But I want to talk about this because really, I'll just say it. Our theme today is why God uses twins. And I think he uses twins to show that there is no one size fits all calling. Sure. And maybe there's people watching or listening that would feel like, I don't know, I'm competing and comparing to other people. You're your your own unique people. And I think you and I, as identical twins, prove that. Yeah. Because we're from the same womb, but we could not be more different. And we have the same DNA, but different callings. And it's similar, but it's it's a little bit different. So we want to talk about that today. Yeah. Maybe help some people stop comparing to other people and realize you are uniquely designed to do what God's called you to do, just like you and I are. And comparing, comparing in the land of women is one of the worst things we do. We compare, we don't know who we are, who we're supposed to be. And I think this is gonna help a lot of ladies. And comparison is the thief of joy. Yeah. So if you are comparing yourself, you're probably losing joy. So stop it. Okay, so let's do something fun. I think we wanted to start with something fun. We do, we do. Okay, this is a rapid fire, fun segment. Okay. Okay. Who's more likely to? Oh my gosh. We get these questions all the time. Which one of you this and which one of you that? Who's taller, who's shorter? Okay, so we came up with our own. Who's more likely to, Martha? You ready? Yes. Overcommit. That's that's a me. It's a me problem. That would be me, right? Probably. I think so. Probably you. Um, who is more likely to cry in a meeting? Me. That would be me. Me, me, me, me. Unless my unless my patch is like day two. I'm good. But other than that, I'm yeah, I easily cry now these days. Menopause. Hmm, Jesus. We could do a whole thing on that. Okay. Uh, okay. Who is more likely to reorganize a room at midnight? That's me. I actually just did that the other night. I actually went in my closet and started re I drank coffee too late in the afternoon. So that was why I was wired so I got something done. Okay. I'm glad you're honest. Um, who's more likely to avoid conflict? You know, that has been my Achilles. Both of us. Yeah. We're both wired that way. We don't like conflict. We'll do it. Uh-huh. Yeah. But we turn to everything into a joke, or how do we make this fun? We avoid. We're married to men who deal with conflict very well, who enjoy conflict. Yeah, it's no, they don't enjoy it. But they don't, they don't have a they don't shrink back an aversion to it like we did. Exactly. For sure. Lord, that's the truth. Okay, who's more likely to jump into leadership? Uh, probably you. Probably. You're right. I would say me. Yeah. You've been leading a lot longer as a pastor's wife and in ministry. So yeah, you're definitely like I come to you for leadership advice. Like you already know. Before I even finish a story of something I'm telling you, you're like, ha, ha, hold on a second. Stop talking. Here's what you need to do. And like, how do you know all that? I haven't even finished the details of the story yet. Like, I already know. Here's how to handle it. So that's is that annoying? No, it's great. Well, if I'm ever annoying, you know. Don't tell me. Oh. I don't want to hear it. I will not tell you. Just do what I say. Exactly. Okay, what about nature versus nurture? This is such an interesting concept. I know. What in us, you and I as twins, is baked in our DNA that's just like who we are or what have we learned? And I know that's a like a big, that's a loaded question. I think just kind of like enthusiasm for life or just glass half full. Yeah. Our personalities are kind of like that. You, it's we might have a a day or a season where somebody really makes us mad and we have a hard time getting over it or something like that. But through life, we are really good at just like, no, it's gonna be great. No, we're gonna work it out. No, we're gonna get nauseum at nausea. Yeah, probably to a toxic level. Well, some would say, oh yeah. You know, it's it's funny because our mom, anybody that knows our mom, Fate Frederick, she is, if she she's if she's anything, she's positive. Yes. The glass is not half full. The glass is overflowing. What's your problem? Why can't you see that? Exactly. And it's it's good and bad, but it's mostly good. I'm glad that mom always taught us. So that I think that would be the nurture part. That part was slightly baked in, but neither one of us are pessimists. We're both very positive, which is unusual for twins. Very true. So we're both more likely, I think, to look at the world from a very positive place. Yeah. Yeah, I that's just kind of a natural thing. And then also having kids, yeah. You have to always be, you're constantly teaching them to look at things the right way and to have the right outlook on things. And I think our enthusiasm, just our we just sound amazing, aren't we? Awesome. We are probably some of the greatest people at the end. As far as twins go, twins, we would be like at the top of the set. There's nothing better than us. Look at our hair. And I mean, look at us. Yes. Look at you. Look at you. Look at your sweater. Look at your sweater. Sweater, weather. Sweat a weather. Actually, sweater weather. You got beetles all over these things. I got beetles. I got no, not beetles. They're be oh, they're ladybugs. They're ladybugs. Who's more likely to start joking in the middle of a series? It would be you. Would be you. What are you talking about? Both? Both of us. That's one thing I said the other day to someone who was very young. I said, you gotta, you can't lose enthusiasm. No one be fun. You can't be depressing. Be fun. David. David. I think my hair's getting caught in this plant over here. I keep feeling it. Okay, we're good. But you have to be fun, you have to make things fun. You do. You have to learn how to make things fun. And because if not, they won't be fun. No. And who wants to be around non-fun things? No one. I think fun is important. I think fun is magnanimous. If I have to choose between toxic positivity and toxic negativity, I'm going for the positivity. Ah, bring the toxic. Bring it on. Bring on the toxic. Bring all the toxic. Okay, so we were off the rails. No, but it's this is a good idea. It's true though. No. This is all good. All right. So I have a question. Uh, since we're going back, well, did we get them all those? We I guess we did them all. We need to ask people to write in and ask us what they want us to answer in those rapid fires. I think that's a great idea. Please do that. Put it in the comments or you can email us. And what do you want us to answer? That's a that's a thing. And make sure you subscribe to the channel, like it, comment. It makes all the difference in the world. Because this is an important conversation. And I think it's a really important podcast that you and I are having. We've talked about this for so long, but we have a lot to share. We do. It's it's our birthday month. That's why we're gonna celebrate our birthday. There we go, babies. And we're both songwriters. Yeah, we're both married to pastors. We both pastor churches. You have been pastoring longer than me. So you have a lot of wisdom that I glean from. I when we got started in our music ministry, you started pastoring with Steve. And then Dan and I got into worship pastoring and then traveling. So we I gleaned from you. We gleaned from you. We try to do the business side of things from you and Danny. Yeah. And we different seasons we've learned different things. There were seasons where, man, your life was just so great. And I just felt like if I and I'm working a job that I hated, you know, I'm answering phones and I'm watching your life just get just incredible in ministry. And I compared myself. Right. And I would feel so low and just so like my life's never gonna change. And I I've got all these big dreams and it's impossible. I got this job, and didn't realize I needed to just be grateful in the season I was in. Yeah. Because every season changes. The rain's gonna stop at some point. Yeah. And then it would switch. That's right. And then there would be a season where you were struggling, and I'm living the high life. And it's always been that way. And it's been good because it's taught me don't ever judge a season by the day you're the day of the by today. Don't judge your season by what you're experiencing right now because seasons change. And I'm so grateful for that lifelong understanding. And you know what I love about that? Because now I can look back at this season. I said 38. And for all of you guys who thought I was, they're like, oh my God, they're 38. I know. Just add 10 years to it. That's all. Don't do the book. Okay. Add 20, but whatever. I just want to make sure we didn't lie on our podcast. No, there's no lying. But what I learned from that, Martha, and we've taught our kids this too, that going through those seasons and watching each other being in different seasons where you were prosperous, and I felt like we were still behind. And then we'd skip a sea, we'd go into the next season and we would maybe be a little bit ahead, or what seemed like being ahead. It wasn't only about the seasons of success, or it's what you learned about waiting on God to move you into that season. That's right. And that we really are individuals. And that's like the point of this talk. Exactly. Because we're from the same womb, we look just alike, but God has very different plans, very different paths for you and me. And although our lives are very, very similar in what we do, the timing of things have been different. And I look back and I think, Lord, you moved in my life when I was ready. You weren't looking at Martha saying, Well, I need to catch Mary up so that Martha won't feel bad or Mary won't feel left behind. That's not how God operates. He was dealing with me intimately and intentionally. Yes. And I look can look back over the landscape of my life and say, Lord, thank you for every delay. Yes. Thank you that you didn't give into my desire to just be caught up with Martha. Right. And not get left behind. Because God does not work like that. And he'll slow your role. Yep. And leave you there for a little bit longer. That's right. Seasons will take longer. And I think that's one of the biggest takeaways for me is I've had to be, I've had to really learn, don't compare. Right. Don't compare to anybody because what God has for you is for you. And I feel like I've said this a lot lately. Yeah. And maybe we've said this again on another podcast that we've done, but I think it bears repeating. It's just such a natural reaction. It's kind of like that just a human reaction to see scrolling through Instagram and to see all these people that it looks like their life is so great, or even somebody in your family. Or they have what you want. You're striving so hard for. How come they have it? They're so successful. And I can't get past two likes. I know. And the reality is the people that I have felt like that's they're living the life I'm supposed to live. Now I'm not talking about, you know, just materialistic or whatever, but there's just something about what they're doing that I know it just annoys me. Like I get so frustrated. I have learned that that's because I'm called to it. Yeah. And I I have to, I have to believe that that season is coming. Right. So I got to get ready for the season that's coming for the desires of my heart. Because I watch other people that do things on Instagram or other ministries, and I I appreciate it. I don't want it. But then there's other ministries that I go, why do they bug me so much? I have to block them or I have to mute them because there's something about the way they do that or the success they're having. If I'm being honest, it really struggles with irritation. Absolutely. I have learned it's probably because I need to learn from them. Sure. I probably need to stay connected. Exactly. And we said, well, if it bothers you, you know, mute them. No, I sometimes I need to stay locked in and say, okay, what do I need to learn from them? Because they're they're somewhere that either God's calling me or I need to grow from them, or I wouldn't have that connection and that desire to be like them. And you and I have had those seasons where I was out making music and writing songs and you're home and and working in your church. And I'd say, Mary, you gotta, you gotta do music, you gotta make records, you gotta get out here. And your first reaction was like, No, that's what you do. I know, right? I'm like, what are you talking about? I don't want people to compare us. You didn't want anybody comparing, but or to think I'm trying to be like my sister, like striving to be like you. And isn't it funny how isn't it funny how we think I have to control any of this? Like you don't think God's creative enough to say the songs that I'm giving you are different than the songs he gave me, and the and just the expression that you're gonna bring is gonna be totally different than me. And we get stuck and paralyzed, not moving forward, not being obedient because we think I don't want to be, I don't want anybody to think they have to, I'm gonna, I'm trying to be them. You got to get over that. One thing that I love that I hope people take away from this today is this thought. God does not copy paste us, He does not copy paste our callings. Yeah, and I think that was what I struggled with was that people would think I was trying to copy and paste you, and I'm gonna try to be successful because I look like you. And I think we talked about this on a podcast early on, which people can go back and listen to, that we would go places, I would go places and people thought I was you, the majority of our of my uh bookings when I first got started. And I I remember I even was brought in by somebody who told me, don't say your name. Right. Because when we bring you out, um, we're not gonna tell them you're Mary. Let them thank you're Martha. Do you remember me telling you that story? I remember that, yes. And I that was right before I went out to sing my first thought song, and I was like, okay. And all of a sudden my song started, and I walk out and the people went wild, like, it's Martha Munizzi, and it was me. Oh no. And they're like, that we don't recognize that's not glorious. And it's dawning on me as I'm singing the first verse what she just told me to do. Wow. And that was, I can't even describe. Now, thank you, Lord. I'm I'm totally set free from that, because I realized that I was going to be tested in a great way. Yes, because God was calling me, even though we were very similar. I had to kill, I had to slay that giant and obey God. That did not make it easier that we were alike. It made it harder mentally. But God did not copy paste us, even if we were from the same family, from the same womb, the twins look just alike. Our callings are different. God has specific callings for me and a specific calling for you. And although they're parallel, they're still very different. Yeah. God is sovereign. I say this, he's omni everything. Yes. And you said it just a second ago. Stop thinking God's not creative, creative enough that there's not room enough for all this. That's right. That's right. And I, what I loved about, I have loved about watching our journeys and the path that God's taken each one of us down. And it's been different. It's been very similar, but it has been different, is that at different seasons we've been encouraging to each other. That's right. So I went to a totally different path that developed some gifts and skills and spirits. Spiritual muscles in you. Right. That was different than yours. But at different seasons, I was strong and I could help you. And then you were strong and you could help me. So that's a part that we have to say, God, you know what? You know what you're doing. We get so caught up in, I gotta figure this out, I gotta know what God's plan is. I have to, you know, have a crystal ball. Well, nobody has it. Yeah. And this is the part of just trusting God and just taking the next step and saying, God, where you've placed me, where I'm at, it doesn't look like the dream, but it's the beginning of the dream. Right where you want me to be. You know, for for the average person out there, it there, they might not be able to relate to you and I from our story, but they can relate to this feeling and this struggle because maybe with your siblings, you have you know, two siblings and everybody's buying houses, you know, or everybody's getting married and you're not. Yeah, the housing thing is real because you don't want your sibling to have a bigger house than you. Let's just say it. You know, you you don't want your your your sibling to be more successful than you are. That's a real thing. It is. And to think that God is limited to your family and picks one right that he blesses is such a lie and it's such a trap to fall into. You're next. If you're not now, then that means you're next. That's right. And that was always our mentality. Yep. Because we are different, we have different callings, which means different seasons of success. Right. And we have to trust the Lord for that. Not always easy, but the truth is, I took away, and I'm sure you'd admit this, the greatest spiritual lessons I took away that made me who I am today to feel confident in this podcast, Mike, are the seasons where I was struggling with that. Right. Not when I was on the victory mountain, but when I was struggling with God, what are you doing here? Yeah. That that's those are the seasons I think that for me I took away because I realized God is so big, is so great, is so creative, yeah, is so capable. And I got to get my eyes off of man, I got to get my eyes off comparison, and I just got to put my eyes on him. That's right. And be willing to say, Lord, I'm just so grateful for this little house, or I'm so graceful, grace, grateful for this delay. And I, I, you know, when I went through infertility, I felt like everybody and their brother had babies but me. Right. But now I look back and I I it blows my mind what the Lord did in my life during that season of infertility. But I did get stuck on comparing. And I had a pastor pray over us and say you're gonna get prayed to get started and pray to get stopped. And I cried, no, I won't. And boy, when that fourth baby was coming, I'm like, well, Lord, what are you doing? Yeah. But I learned from all those seasons of delay and lack. Wouldn't you say the the same for you? That those seasons you learn the most from. I learned the most from that. And I have learned over the years that that God uses all of those seasons where it feels like, okay, this is horrible. This is not what I thought, this is not where I wanted to be. This is not, and then look at her, and then look at them, and look at what they're that God was using that. It's kind of like that rough, you know, iron, the iron sharpens iron. God use those seasons for for me to learn, okay, if you, if you trip over this, if you can't stay hopeful and keep dreaming for what I have for you, and you're mad that somebody else is getting blessed and you're not, how can I take you to the next level? How can I bring you to another place of victory if you're stumbling over now that you don't have everything that you want? That's right. So I've learned from a from an early age, I'm not saying I don't struggle with it, I still do. Absolutely. But I've learned to say, I'm gonna celebrate other people's success if it's if it kills me. Yeah. Like I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna, I, if, if, you know, if I want to be. Oh my God, if I'm not getting married, I'm gonna, I'm gonna be the best gift giver for weddings. Right, right. I'm gonna be, and we learned that young from prophetic people that taught that, like, no, from other people's stories of how God, it seemed like it took forever for God to bless them. And then when God blessed them, it was like this floodgate. Yeah. Because God, it feels like it takes a long time, and then God moves and suddenlies. Yeah. So the season that you're waiting is a great way to grow up. Yeah. And develop that that exterior that says, nope, the fruit of the spirit, I'm gonna celebrate you. And there's been seasons that I thought, I'm gonna go to Mary's condo and on the beach, and I'm gonna go to Mary's beautiful brand new house, and I'm gonna, and I wish I had, no, you know what? I'm gonna, I'm gonna be the one walking in, going, my God, this is absolutely gorgeous. You guys are so blessed. Look at what God's done. Look at what, instead of walking in and going, I don't have any. This is nice. No, why would I do that? Yeah, because if I if I withhold honor and blessing and praise for what God's done for you, that means I have a scarcity spirit. That's right. A scarcity mentality mentality that says, if God did it for you, that must mean he doesn't have enough to go around and do it for me. No, if God could do this for you, what in the world is he is he planning for me? Because I'm his favorite. Yeah. I mean, it goes back to that enthusiasm for life and being somebody that thinks positive has a relationship with God. Yeah. And God says, if you like this, wait till you see what I have for you. That's right. And that's the right attitude for your faithfulness. I I want to have our listeners know, though, something, because we always say we want to open up as much as we can on our podcast for people to really know our heart and who we are. But we've been twins all our lives. So we've always been compared. Right. And one of the reasons to really lean into what you're saying here, that we have fought hard to have that attitude is because we have lived with comparison all our lives. We still live with comparison. If I split my hair down the middle, put a middle part, you look like your sister today. I look like my sister every day. What are you talking about? Or when you would come to Miami and the church people maybe didn't know you on a personal level and you would leave, people would walk up and say, Wow, uh, your sister isn't as outgoing as you. Right. I'm like, Well, she doesn't know you. What does that mean? You know me. That's what I've learned to be even happier and more outgoing watching you with people. Exactly. So, but my but the problem with that is no one else has that experience. Right. It's true. I I would tell my husband all the time, no one meets your sister that knows you. And when your sister leaves, say, Wow, well, your sister's not as outgoing as you. Nobody even does that. No. But for you and me, we have been caught in that trap all of our lives. People still do it and they can't help it, and we're not mad at anybody. No, but we've had to work overtime at this. So we know that that devil can be defeated. Right. Because if we did not, we would not have the relationship we have today. No. Because there has been times. I've told a story recently on a on our podcast of the movie that you were in, sitting in front of the poster at the movie theater. And nobody, I did not even see your picture on the billboard. And I'm sitting in front of it like I'm posing. And a lady walked up and went, Martha Me Nizzi, and looked at the billboard and looked at me. And I didn't know what she was talking about, except, oh, she thinks I'm you. And I, and I, she's looking at me and I turn around and I look up at the billboard and I see it's the movie you were in at the time. And I felt like an idiot. Because here I am, like I'm sitting in front of the billboard of my face, going, I hope you notice me. Right. Meanwhile, I'm not even her. She's not even me. You didn't even see it. And she, so we've dealt with this at a nauseating level where the average person has not. Right. And there's there's some women in the Bible, there's two sisters in the Bible that have really helped us with this. Mary and Martha. Oh. The best. The ones that we were, people say, Were you named after them? We weren't really. I don't think so. My grandfather named us. He just wanted to give us Bible names. I think so. And he my mom didn't even know she was having twins until she woke up the next day. And here we were. Surprise. Papa said, I named them. Their names are Mary and Martha. We wanted, remember the names we wanted? I don't remember. I do. Melissa and Melinda. Yes. Who were you? Which one were you? Melinda. Mindy. Mindy. Hello. Missy and Mindy. Remember that? I do remember that. We'd sit in our room on our twin beds and go, why did they name us? That's horrible. But you got the pretty one that did. And I got the Aunt Martha name. The names make it a comeback. But I love the name. Now, I mean, I hated my name growing up since we're talking about this. I hated it. I would hate when I would sit at the desk and my teacher would do roll call and it would come. Oh my God, I would cringe in my seal. Did you really? Oh. All the time. I hated the sound of my name. I hated my name. But again, even with that, God showed me I've given you a unique name. That's so true. For a purpose. For the future. Come on, something. Unforgettable. This is why I'm saying mark busy. I mean, remember what you rhymed it with? Keep the devil busy. Oh, girl. And I'll I'll again, it shows you it sometimes it takes seasons and to really understand why God does things. And we think, oh, my mom named me that, or that was an overthought. And it's not. God has such a plan. And you know, here's the thing God's writing an incredible story for for you. That's right. Who am I talking to? He's writing a great story for you if you're 25, if you're 35, 45. Yes. Let God write the story. You just hold the pen. And how detailed do you want God to get it? It's thank you. Because He will get into the details of your story. He will. Like you could have a list of a hundred things, and you know, and one is the most important, and a hundred is Lord, if you get to it. Yeah. And God will go down that list and get to the like 94 and say, I'm going to show you how detailed I am. I'm going to go pick that last little thing you haven't even thought of and I'm going to go see here it is. So that you'll understand God's handiwork, his thumbprint, his intentionality to make sure that if we're, if we're living according to what he's called us to do and just being obedient, he will put us in the right place at the right time with the right people, doing the right thing. And we'll look up and say, How did how did I get here? And it won't be because you did the wrong thing or you were lazy. It will be because you were determined, God, I'm going to live out this life in obedience. I'm going to do what I'm the right where I am. If I'm raising kids, this is my focus, right? This is my calling. Yeah. If I'm working a job that I don't like, there's a purpose in this job. That's right. And in God, until you give me another one, I'm going to appreciate the one I have. That's right. And until we learn that appreciation, is it easy? No. But God may have given you a boss that's preparing you. Yeah, you go to work and it's difficult every day. Don't say anything, David. David works for me. I'm not the boss that's difficult, David. David? Okay. But there are people thumbs up. He's Okay, good. He's good. Okay. So God may give you a difficult boss. Yeah. But it could be for a greater purpose. It probably is for something coming that you're going to look back in 10 years and say, that boss that I worked for developed. That's this something in me I didn't even know I was going to need for another season. That's right. Well, that, you know, that is the lesson that, man, we, you and I, at this season of our lives where we are, as how much we've lived and we've seen God do. Yeah. What a sweet season to be in. To be able to look back over your life and say, God, you were in it. You were in it. You were in it. You were there. Oh my goodness. I see you. Now I see what you were doing. When you get, you don't get the benefit of that until you get to this season. You don't, because you don't have enough of a landscape to look back on. And if you're afraid of getting older, don't be afraid of getting older because that's the benefit of being older. You get to look back. Yes. And over decade after decade see what God has done. How He was working the whole time. And for you and I, I think it's so interesting and unique because we're so much alike. I know. And most people don't have a twin. Right. So they don't have that automatic comparison that's built in, or that ability, or that temptation, I would say, to disqualify yourself because you're like, well, Mary already did that. So or Martha already did that. So I'll I look like I'm copying. No, you just stay faithful to what God has done and or is telling you to do. It's amazing what God will come up with. I think too, what we want listeners to hear today is we are the most alike you're going to be. Yeah. To be identical twins from the same womb. We are the most alike. You're going to find two ladies. Both sing, both write gospel music, both lead churches. Okay. Talk the same. Our sound is the same. Work with our kids. People can get confused as to who's who. Our voices are the same when we talk on the phone. Yeah. I mean, you don't get closer to the same person. Right. Yet God has called us to do very different things. So if we got stuck on our similarities, that's where we'd miss God. That's right. Okay, so Mary and Martha in the Bible. Yeah. Powerful story. Sisters. I love the story. I love this story. It shows different paths. Two different for a moment. Two different personalities, two different energies. Um, one thinks one thing's important, the other one thinks something else is important. Right. Isn't that like all of our relationships? All of it. And we get so frustrated with the with the one that's like chilling and running with the butterflies and not doing anything. And then the one that is just so going, if it's not for me, no one's gonna eat. We, you know, come on, sit down, be serious. This is ridiculous. I like to say the tasker and the the dreamer. Yeah. So there we all kind of fall into these categories, but yet we're still so different. And we take away from the story, which is which is so powerful, is that we've either been labeled as Mary or Martha. Right. You know, we're either one or we're the other. We're we're the one who's willing to sit at Jesus' feet or we're the one that's just the busybody. Right. And I that's fine. And and I get that, but yet there's this that's a huge contrast. There's so much more in between. Yeah. But the story in and of itself really shows beyond which one are you supposed to be? Right. Because that's where we get confused. Which one am I supposed to be? Am I supposed to be Mary or am I supposed to be Martha? And they're both important. They're both important. And they're both, one is a servant position, one is a worship position. And they both really are obedient acts that God honors. So they needed to eat. That was important in that moment. God wasn't saying, Jesus was not saying, you've chosen something that's not important. He said, You've chosen the least important. That's right. And if you, Martha always gets the bad rap, but if you read on down the story, the scenario flips. That's right. And Martha is the one that chose well, and Mary didn't. So we can all be a little bit of both of Mary and Martha, depending on what the scenario is. But I, you know what stands out to me about the story more than anything that I think I relate to the most, and a lot of people could, was not that Martha didn't choose to worship, but that she judged her sister. Right. And I think that's what we do instead of learning from each other. And so again, glass half full. How are we, how are we looking at each other? We can compare. And she could have said, she could have said, you know, my sister Mary, um, yeah, she's worshiping Jesus. Isn't that great? I need to learn to be more like that. But instead, she goes and complains to Jesus. My sister, you need to tell her to get up and tell. She's not doing all she's doing is laying at the feet. She missed completely the attribute that she could have learned from her sister. And that's what we do more than we like to admit. We compare and complain. Why are you, why does she got to be like that? Why does she, who does she think she is? Well, maybe that's something you need to be more like. Yeah. Well, she's not real because she's always happy. She's always encouraging. She's uh there's something fake about her. Come down from there, that cloud. We're always so yeah. Well, maybe that's annoying you because you're supposed to be more like that. Maybe that's getting on your nerves because you know deep down you're kind of a sour person. Right. And you need to be more like your sister. That's what Jesus is saying. Be more like this. That's right. This is not the time to start condemning and criticizing your sister when she's chosen to worship me. She's chosen to be at my feet. She's chosen the right thing. So there's two things I think we should take away that that in that scenario, it's always better to worship God first. Right. And it's always a good idea to not judge other people that are not doing what we think they should be doing. Uh, my takeaway is they're both important for different seasons. Yes. So what Mary was doing was the right thing in this season. Jesus was in the room. Right. Later on, discernment, yeah. She was discerning to say, stop everything. I got to worship. That's good. So when you're in a season of lack, be like Mary. Yeah. When you're in a season of plenty, you better get busy. Yeah. Because that season may end. So you got to bring in the harvest, you got to work. So we're really both ends. Yeah. It's not one personality versus another. It's really our balance, a healthy balance of knowing I'm in a season that if I get over busy and I put busy at the most important part of who I am that pleases God, I get into works, I get out of balance, and now I'm comparison. Now I'm striving. Now I'm frustrated. Now I'm miserable. I can't make any seed grow. Nothing is bringing in a harvest for me. All right, guess what? You need to be more like Mary in this season. Stop what you're doing and worship God. Relax. There's a book called The Body Keep Score. Phenomenal book. It does. When you start those stress states, what you put your body in, you have emotional, toxic releases in that stress state. And that's why I think it's so important that Jesus is telling us two women. Yeah, Mary did the, she did the more important thing in this moment. And that's the, that's the the takeaway. Right. Is that we need to be better at discerning moments because there are times, and and even in my marriage and in my relationship with my kids, I've had to stop and say, I know that feels urgent right now, but that's not most important. That's right. Is it stealing your joy? Is it robbing you of peace? Then you're already, you're off, you're off sides. As mother would say, offsides. You're not choosing the better thing. And it may not be that you can hit your knees and start worshiping God, but it's an attitude of your heart. It's if it's robbing me of joy, if it's robbing me of peace, if I'm, I've got people coming to the house, right? And I got to get the house clean, I got to get the food ready, and I'm running through the house screaming at everybody. And I am making life miserable for everybody in the house, trying to get ready for a party. I've chosen the lesser thing. Right. Because at the end of the day, okay, so the floors aren't perfect. You know, it's okay. I I love my mother-in-law. She's not with us anymore, and I love her so much. But I think my whole family would agree that there were years that she would not let people come over. No, I don't want to have this at the house. No, don't, because the windows weren't clean. Right. And she was always so focused. Now, what a great attribute to have to say she's so clean, everything's so organized, everything's so perfect. But I would say, but you're letting it rob you of relationship. Yeah. And she would always laugh, you're right, you're right. Are y'all come over? Like we are not looking at your at your floors. We're not looking, we want to be with you. What do we be with you? Just bring the ice cream out, bring the cake. And then she would have to remind herself to choose the more important thing. And I think that's something we can learn from daily, every day. Am I choosing the right thing? If it's causing me to just absolutely make life miserable in the house, maybe just let it go. Listen, people come to my house and I'll say, I didn't get to clean that. I didn't, they'll say, Are you have you seen my garage? Like, don't worry, no one's judging you. And make sure that we're not losing out and missing out on the more important things because we just have this perfectionist idea of how life should be. Right. And we're stressing ourselves out. And I think that story of Mary and Martha really teaches us that Jesus wasn't correcting personalities. Right. He wasn't trying to say your personality's wrong, Martha. Yeah. That we can sometimes struggle with. If I was only more like her, I would get more done. I'd, I would, you know, if I if I was only more like her, I would, my kids would like me more. Right. I'm just such a high strung person, and I can't help but that's who I am. And Jesus wasn't really concerned about the personality part of that. Right. He was protecting intimacy. Yes. And that's that's good. That's where I think the balance is going back to the beginning of our podcast as we as we wrap this one up. Right. The the point for you and I was not to destroy our beautiful friendship sisterhood because of a season or because of a stress that we were going through where we we got off sides, as you said so well here today, or out of alignment. We've put we put the main thing, the main thing. And we've had to do it over and over and over again. It was never just a one and done. And that story in the Bible really gives us a picture of what's important. Take a deep breath and in the right season, yeah, make sure Jesus is first in every season. In every season. Oh my goodness. Always put him first. And when you do feel like you're getting stressed out, when you do feel like you're getting um out of tilt, because you're you're you don't have peace in the middle of the storm. When he promised us that, we would. And you don't, well then you're you're you're in a storm that you you should not be in. You're fighting a battle that you should not be fighting on your own. Right. Stop and worship. Stop and put God first. Yes. Take a deep breath, quiet the noise, right? Get in a quiet place and say, Lord, if I'm out of balance, because I everything I'm looking at is frustrating me. Everything I see around me is making me mad. I can't get seeds to grow. Stop, Martha. Yes. And remember Mary for a minute. That's right. And you know, that's so good because that is an indicator. You know, when you get into your car and a little light comes on, it's not because your car is celebrating, right? Yay, you're driving. It's not that oil light's now going, good job, Mary. It's not, it's an indication that something is low. It's depleted. Is depleted. Yeah. And when we're frustrated, that's why I tell the young women in my life, you need to shut every door. So it's not always spiritual. No, no. Now, if you shut every door and it's still a problem, then let's cast the devil out. Whatever we gotta do, get deliverance. But look at every situation. If you're if you're raging, if you're frustrated all the time, if you're mad at your sister, your brother, your family, your neighbors, your whatever, your kids, if you're just seeing it seems as if you're annoyed or just always feel like you're huffing. You know that huffing. You know, it's nobody helps me and nobody cares. And the kids this and the husband. I I'll just share this really quick. I think this is an important story that popped in my spirit. Do I have a minute? I can share it. You have 60 seconds. Okay. I need 65. Um, I remember years ago, my kids were in like elementary school, kindergarten, second grade, third grade, and we were, it was the first day of school. And I was so excited. But back then I was always rush, rush, hurry, hurry, hurry. And Dan worked, he was a builder, so his he had a very stressful job. And I wanted him to go to school with us and drive us to school for the first day, which meant he had to change some things at work and come with us. Well, he didn't do it the way I wanted. He didn't help me like I wanted. I needed him to help me get the kids in the car, get their breakfast, their lunches packed, make sure. And I just felt like he didn't help me. Like, you know, he left it all for me to do, yeah, or whatever the problem was. And I was very justified in my aggravation and we're rushing, and then we have to get there. It's the first day, and I think it's Nathan's first day of kindergarten. He's got his little backpack on, the girls are ready, their little outfits are so ready. And I had done it all to get ready. It was all me. And we get in the car. Well, we had just bought like a little camcorder video uh um camera. Camera, thank you. And um, this is why we help each other. And so I was filming, and so I wanted to film the first day, whatever. Well, I'm so annoyed with him that I'm just like spouting off. And you didn't, and if you cared enough, and I blah blah, you know, and I don't even remember what I said because I black I blocked it out, but I was just fussing, fussing, fussing. We're sitting in the car line, getting ready, and he doesn't, he doesn't even seem phased by it. He's just fussing, fussing. The kids are in the backseat, they're kicking their feet. Finally get him out of the car, get him in. Hey guys, take our picture. They go in. Didn't think anything of it. Take the camera camera home, put it away. A few years later, I got that tape out. Oh, nightmare. Did not know that the camera had kept running. And I, for the first time, we're all sitting there, all excited about watching it back the kids' first day of school. And all of a sudden it comes on, and I am fussing. I could cry right here thinking about it. Oh, and I was like, is that me? Oh, did I? It's kind of like the reality show reality of like when you go, you you're caught on tape. Yeah. And there's no excuse. You can't blame it on anybody. And I realized I fussed and fussed. And those poor little kids are sitting there hearing me fuss about something that did not matter. I was crushed. Oh, Martha. I could not, to this day, I can't watch that. Oh. Because I realized here I am, I've done all the important things, what I thought was important, but I didn't do the most important thing, was to protect that environment. So good. To protect that moment for them. And in that moment, I realized it is not about me. It will never be about me. Does that seem unfair at times? Yes. But when I look back at life, can I look back? And if the camera kept rolling and I didn't know it, would I be proud?

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Come on.

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Of what was captured on tape. And that's why I'm saying the Mary and Martha story is so important because there are frustrations, there are things your kids pick up on. And in the moment you feel so justified. But down the road, you're going to realize, man, I could have poisoned that moment. I have repented of that. And from that moment on, I have really been more cognizant of save your frustration. Keep this moment pure. They don't need to know about it. They don't need when they get out of the car, have at it. But but protect, protect those moments. And that's, I'm just being real because that was a moment. If I could go back and change, I would. But it is something that has marked me forever. Yeah. I think that is a huge wake-up call for young mommies. That's a huge wake-up call. For all of us. Yeah. Pick Martha, that's awesome. Pick the right moment. Pick the right moments. Guard your children. Guard those moments. God will take care of you. Right. If you feel like, man, I do it all and nobody cares, God's got you. Nothing is unseen. Yeah. Well, that's like to me, one of the worst things you can rehearse. When you rehearse that, I do it all and nobody sees it. There, if you will tell yourself that is a narcissistic mentality, it is. Do not think that way. Don't get on that path. Yeah. It's hard to get off once you get on. So make sure you're a Martha in a Mary World or a Mary in a Martha world, whatever that is. But just, I know your story that you just told is so relatable to our listeners. We've all been there. Yep. What a nightmare. But at the same time, what it taught you that you took away what a valuable experience to do it better. And that's what we want our podcast to do. Exactly. So we hope everybody's enjoyed it today. We hope you've enjoyed what you've heard. We've got more coming, don't we, sister? Yes, we do. More conversation. I think that's really going to encourage a lot of people. That's right. Have a great day.