The Three Core Tensions We All Navigate

Transition often creates tension—but tension isn’t necessarily a problem to solve. In this episode, Tim explores three core tensions we all navigate during seasons of change and how they affect us both internally and externally. You’ll learn how to identify the tension that feels most present for you and begin managing it with greater awareness, clarity, and intention.

 A question to consider: Which of these three tensions feels most present in your life right now—and what might change if you stopped trying to resolve it and began learning to navigate it? 

Transcript

Tim Austin 0:01

Welcome to Navigate with Tim Austin, a podcast for anyone navigating life's seasons of change. Here, we believe transition isn't just something to survive, it's an opportunity for growth. Each episode offers practical coaching insights to help you navigate change with greater clarity, confidence, and hope. I'm Tim Austin, and I'm glad you're here. Now, let's navigate this conversation together In the last episode, we talked about how transition is more than changing jobs, moving to a new city, or stepping into a different role. Transition is what happens inside us while life changes around us. And today I wanna introduce an idea that has become central to the way I coach people through seasons of change. It's something I call the three core tensions of transition. Notice I didn't say the three problems or the three obstacles of transition. We're talking about tensions, and that's intentional because one of the biggest mistakes we can make in transition is assuming that everything uncomfortable is something to fix, and sometimes it just isn't. Sometimes it's something to manage well or to learn to manage well. Over the last several years, as I've coached hundreds of people through career changes, ministry transitions, retirement, international moves, organizational change, personal reinvention, I kept noticing the same patterns. People's stories were all different, their circumstances were different, but underneath those stories, the same tensions kept showing up. And then I realized these aren't just coaching themes, they're really human themes. And honestly, they're my themes, too. I've wrestled with them as we've moved our family across the world. I've wrestled with them while leaving ministry roles. I've wrestled with them while building a coaching practice. And I've wrestled with them while wondering what the next chapter should look like. Different seasons, same tensions. And here's something I've learned. Transition isn't difficult simply because things are changing. It's difficult because change pulls on multiple parts of our lives at the same time Our head may say one thing, our heart says another. Our relationships feel the impact, our finances feel uncertain, our sense of purpose gets questioned, our identity gets stretched. And that's why transition often feels exhausting. You're carrying multiple tensions simultaneously. The first tension I wanna talk about is this idea of identity and calling. It's the tension between who I am and what I'm called to do. You could also use the term vocation to talk about this, calling or, or vocation. During transition, our roles often change, and sometimes we lose titles, sometimes we gain responsibilities, sometimes we leave something that has defined us for years, as in my case, a, a life overseas, a t- a, a twenty-year span of life overseas. Big change. It defined me in so many ways. The temptation is to believe, "If I don't have this role anymore, who am I?" Or, "If I don't know what's next, have I lost my purpose?" Identity asks, "Who am I?" And calling or vocation asks, "Where am I being invited to next?" I like to use the language of invitation here. Healthy transition requires us to keep those two connected, but not confused. Your identity is deeper than your current role or your past role, and your calling continues to unfold The second tension I wanna talk about is family and relationships. Every transition affects more than one person. We see the ripple effects. Even if you're the one changing jobs, everyone around you experiencing- experiences those ripple effects. Maybe your spouse is excited while you're anxious. Maybe your children are grieving a move that you're celebrating. Maybe your parents don't understand your decision. Notice the tensions there? Maybe friendships begin to shift. Transition isn't just an individual journey, it's relational. And one of the healthiest questions that we can ask is, "How can I honor both my own journey and the people walking it with me?" And this isn't always easy, but it's incredibly important. The third tension I wanna talk about is community and support systems. Here's something people often underestimate. When life changes, support systems change, too. Think about your c- connections, your community, your networks. Uh, those change, and sometimes we lose coworkers, sometimes mentors retire, sometimes church changes, sometimes neighbors disappear. We currently have three neighbors simultaneously in, in the process of selling their homes. Sometimes the people who understood us no, uh, no longer live nearby. Transition often creates loneliness before it creates belonging, and that's why community doesn't happen accidentally. It has to be rebuilt intentionally. One of the healthiest, healthiest things you can do in transition is ask, "Who are my people in this transition?" And that's not something to, um, uh, feel pressure around or tension around necessarily, um, but it's something to get curious about, to keep asking, to keep noticing, "Who are my people in this season?" Now, here's something that makes this framework especially helpful as we talk about these three tensions. Each of them has an external side and an internal side. Externally, we may have changed jobs. Uh, internally, I may be wondering, um, whether I, I really still matter or I have a purpose. Externally, I've moved. Internally, I'm grieving what I've left behind. Externally, you're meeting new people, and internally, you're wondering if you'll ever truly belong. We often spend, uh, so much of our energy trying to solve the external problems while the internal transition quietly continues underneath. And that's why coaching can be so valuable, not because someone has your answers, but because someone helps you notice what's happening beneath the surface. And the goal here, uh, it's important to remember, isn't necessarily resolution. Here's, here's probably the most important thing, uh, I would like you to hear today. Uh, a great reminder is the goal is not to eliminate these tensions. The goal is to become more aware of them and think, think, maybe think about a sailboat, uh, as a metaphor. Uh, a sail only works because tension exists. Too little tension, the sail collapses. Too much tension, it breaks. And the right mom- the right amount of tension moves us forward, and life works in much the same way. Healthy people don't, don't avoid tension, they learn how to navigate it. So let me leave you with three questions. Which of these tensions feels strongest for you right now? Is it your identity and calling, your family and relationships, or those community and support systems you relied on? And then ask yourself, "What's happening externally, and what's going on internally?" And those two questions alone can really help bring some clarity. Transition isn't about having all the answers. It's about learning to notice what's happening within you while life changes around you. And as you become more aware of these tensions, you'll begin responding with greater wisdom, greater intentionality, and greater peace. In the next episode, we're gonna, we're gonna take this one step further by exploring why transition often feels so emotionally exhausting and what we can do about it Thanks for joining me for another episode of Navigate. If today's conversation resonated with you, I'd love to invite you to visit encompasslifecoaching.com. There, you'll find practical resources, articles, workshops, and my free Transition Impact Assessment, a coaching tool designed to help you discover where transition is impacting your life the most and where you might want to focus next. And if you found this episode helpful, be sure to subscribe and consider sharing it with someone who may be navigating a season of change. Sometimes the greatest gift we can offer is helping someone realize they're not alone. Until next time, remember, transition isn't just about what changes around us. It's about what changes within us. As you navigate your own journey, may you find greater clarity, confidence, and hope for the road ahead. Thanks for listening, and I'll see you next time