EP. 6 The Mindset Queen: Rebecca Nwankwo on Designing Your Second Act and Reframing Imposter Syndrome

This episode is for the successful professional who feels a quiet unease or "constant restlessness". "The Mindset Queen" Rebecca Nwankwo shares her story of mid-career reinvention, which started with the powerful question, "Is this it?". We discuss her philosophy that the goal "isn’t to eliminate imposter syndrome—it’s to stop letting it take the wheel", and the specific "superpower" a 45-year-old professional has that a brilliant 25-year-old simply can't.

Transcript

Speaker 0:01

Welcome, welcome, welcome to the WeWin podcast powered by Accelerate Her Africa. Before we dive into today's episode, I want to take a moment to say thank you. Since launching the WeWin podcast on the 3rd of October, the response has been beyond anything I imagined, with over 400 downloads in three weeks, and it's all because of you. Special gratitude to Niger Girl, whose beautiful five-star review on Apple Podcasts reminded me why this work matters. Whether you've downloaded an episode, shared it with a friend, or simply listened, thank you. You are helping us build a community that celebrates and accelerates women's stories and success. If this podcast has resonated with you, I'd be so grateful if you take a moment to leave a rating or review. It helps other women discover these conversations and join our growing community. Now let's get to today's episode. I'm going to introduce our guest who is Rebecca Nwankwo. And she knows what it means to feel stuck in success. After 20 years in real estate, she made a brave choice at 40, enrolled in a global executive MBA at a top three business school, IES E, while working full-time with two daughters. That transformation fueled her mission: helping women over 40 to break autopilot, silence self-doubt, and design purposeful lives. As a global speaker featured in Dubai's Global News and at Miami's WindSpire Conference, Rebecca proves reinvention isn't just possible, it's powerful. She helps women see possibilities instead of limits and take steps towards futures they thought were out of reach. Our mindset queen, Rebecca. Rebecca, welcome to the We Win podcast. It's so great to have you here with us today.

Speaker 1 2:25

Thank you so much for having me. I'm excited.

Speaker 2:28

Rebecca, your story is a masterclass in mid-career reinvention. Let's start at the beginning of that change. You described a point where your career achievements and your deeper sense of purpose were no longer aligned, a feeling of constant restlessness. For the successful professional listening who might feel the same quiet unease, can you describe what that misalignment felt like day to day?

Speaker 1 2:59

Okay, so just to give some context first, I've been in the real estate, corporate real estate industry now for 20 years. So I've been in there for a long time. And when I hit 40, I just found myself wondering if what I was doing was exactly what I was meant to be doing. I don't know if it was an aha moment. Um, you know, I just found myself thinking, what there's got to be more out there. You know, I'm like, is this it? Like what you're doing right now, and is this bringing you joy? Is this what you want to do for the rest of your life? And I was like, oh, I don't know. To be honest, when I first had that question, I pushed it aside for at least a year. Because I was like, oh, sorry, it's just one of those things, you know, I'll figure it out. Um, so I pushed it aside, but it just kept coming back. Like I was restless. That's where the restlessness came from. Um, and then I thought, okay, I need to address this. Let me start looking for another job. Because I'm like, it must be the job that I'm doing. Let me find another one. Um, got myself an executive coach. She did a great job because she presented me with some really good roles. And I'll never forget there was one particular role that she showed me, and it was like 50k more than what I was earning, you know. So on paper, I mean it was excellent, you know, it's a good company, but I just didn't feel anything. I didn't feel any spark. If that was me, um, maybe even two years before then, I'd have been like, right, where do I sign? You know, but I didn't feel anything. And I remember calling and saying, thanks for the, you know, sending this to me and for the opportunity. But it's exactly what I'm doing now. I said it's just with a different company and with a bigger team and with more money. So essentially I'm still doing the same thing. You know, it didn't answer my question of what do I need to do to make me feel like I'm doing something that's aligned with my purpose. So that's when I knew I had to do something different. And that's coincidentally, my cousin from the US came to the UK at that time and she had just finished her MBA at Wharton, Wharton, Pennsylvania, which is one of the top schools in the world, right? And we got talking and she told me, like, you know, how absolutely wonderful her MBA was and how we actually helped her get the job she has now in Google. So she finished, and then she five months later she got employed by Google. So the, and to again put that in context, she was working in consulting, then she moved to tech. So I was like, and and then we talked about salaries. Her salary was like double what she was earning in the consulting world, you know, from literally doing an MBA, getting into tech, and it seemed like her world had completely changed. You know, and she credited it to doing the MBA. And I was like, okay, that's what I need to do. I need to do something like that that gives me an opportunity to pivot, you know, to not just keep going straight, but then give me an option to go left or right. You know, I just wanted something with flexibility that wasn't so rigid. Because you can go and do like another course, right? That is just like a specific course in an area, but you're regimented and you have to stick to that particular industry. So I wanted to do something that completely opened the doors and gave me an opportunity to um think big and pivot, you know, because I wasn't sure what that looked like at the time. I just knew I needed something different, but I didn't know what that different was. So I needed to do that to give me the ability to then figure it out. So that's where that whole idea came from. So I had that uh that itch, constant itch. I knew I had to do something about it, and then the opportunity for the NBA came from speaking to my cousin. I started researching, then I found the schools I wanted to apply to. Then I suppose the rest is history, you know.

Speaker 6:46

It says a lot about you when you turn down an opportunity to earn a lot more money for something that you know within you is driving you, your purpose is was driving you at the time, that you felt it strong enough to turn down that opportunity just so that you could align properly with that itch you spoke about. Exactly.

Speaker 1 7:09

Exactly. And I suppose that's the thing about living your, you know, finding something that aligns with your purpose. It's more than just about the money, it's more about that thing that makes you want to wake up every morning, that thing that puts a smile on your face, that thing that makes you feel like for me, it was I wanted to make a bigger impact um on individuals, like not just society as a whole, but I wanted to make an impact on people's um lives, and I knew I could do more. Like I knew I could do more than what I was doing. So that's where that feeling of misalignment came from.

Speaker 7:43

I know exactly what you mean. You asked yourself the powerful question, is this it? And the answer came back as a loud and clear no. What gave you the courage to act on that answer and pursue a bold new chapter rather than settling for the successful path you're already on?

Speaker 1 8:07

Because I'd already tried that for a year. Because remember, I said that the question came before and I pushed it aside. I was like, yeah, well, it's gonna go away, just one of those things. But it just kept coming back. And then I did the, you know, spoke to the executive um agent who helped me find that other role, and that wasn't enough. I think that's when I knew. When when I was presented with such a good opportunity, and it didn't do anything for me, I knew that it had to be something a little bit more drastic than that. Um, and then coupled with the fact that when I spoke to my cousin and she basically told me how the MBA changed her life, I was like, okay, I need something that is gonna change my life. Um, and you know, I'm a big believer in, you know, if something hurts you badly enough, then you got to do something about it. You know, if it hurts badly enough, why stay in the same cycle? You know, I had to break the cycle. Um, and you're right, I could have quite, I'm not gonna say happily, but I could have stayed within the path I was on. It was okay. But by that time, I knew that that wasn't enough. I knew that I needed more than just okay. You know, I felt like before I knew it, life was just happening. If I looked at the previous five years, I couldn't tell you what I felt like I'd achieved, you know, and time flies. So I knew that I wanted my next few years going forward to be more purposeful, you know. And I think your 40s were this, I can only speak about myself, but uh I can tell you now your 40s is very pivotal because your 40s is like the midlife, essentially. Um, not everybody wants to admit it, but yes, it is a midlife. And also, this is a point where you still have a long runway ahead of you. Like we're living longer, especially women. You know, you have at least 20, 30 years extra career, you know, or like or life ahead of you to continue working, potentially. So I think is the right time to actually stop and ask yourself the question. Because it's easy to fall into things. I fell into real estate and I enjoyed it up until the point that I then I stopped enjoying it, right? And I'm not saying real estate as a whole, I'm talking about the particular function I was doing, you know. So because real estate as a whole is huge, but I just didn't it just didn't give me what I was doing, just didn't give me that edge anymore, that itch, that like I wasn't satisfied with it. You know, so for me, the 40s is a pivotal moment in our lives because that's the point where you you say to yourself, well, hang on a minute, I've still got this many years ahead of me, and I've done this so far. Um, what I've done so far, is that enough? Is that what I want really for this other like many years in front of me? And if it's not what I want, like if I'm like, okay, fine, that's that's done now, and I've achieved what I've achieved. But you get to that point, and you ask, and when you ask that question, if it's not enough, then you you have to do for me, it was it was um non-negotiable. You know, I had to do something to then help shape the next 20, 30 years of my life, you know, and I wanted to be much more intentional about it at this stage, and also um, I think when you get to a certain age, again, I think it's like 40s, you stop caring so much about what other people say and what people think. You know, so maybe that's also another factor to take into consideration. You're like, look, right now, I just need to do what I need to do, right? I say, you know, I need to concentrate on me. Yeah, you know, so that was also something that was happening to me in my 40s. But I knew that I had to do something different. Yeah, I knew I had to take a drastic action, otherwise, I'll just keep going round and round in the same loop.

Speaker 11:50

It's great how you realize this in your 40s that you became restless and you knew you had to feed that. You needed to do something different and make that pivot. So that bold new chapter was a global executive MBA that you've called intense, transformative, and completely life-changing. You've shared that the hardest part of that journey was the guilt of missing family moments. You did something incredibly intentional. I love this. You wrote letters to your daughters and partner explaining your why. Can you talk about the decision and how putting your purpose on paper helped you navigate those tough days?

Speaker 1 12:40

Yeah, those were yes, bringing memories back now. Um, so when I decided that I wanted to embark on this journey, I knew it was going to be rough. Like from the get-go, like you know, like I'm doing something that um not many people do because it's not easy. And something way out of my comfort zone. And something quite disruptive to my current lifestyle, because I had to travel and to go to the modules and you know, do it with work and with family. So I knew it like it was going to be challenging. So I mentally, I was mentally preparing myself, but I also knew that I had to somehow prepare my family, my my people that were closest to me, they were going to live it with me. Because it's my journey, but it's not mine alone. My family were also going to be part of that journey. I mean, after all, I was I wasn't just doing it for me, I was also doing it for my family. So I knew that I had to bring them along on the journey with me. It really helps when you have support, when you're doing something this tough, right? It really is really helpful. Not saying that it's insurmountable if you'd like, you know, for whatever reason, you don't have that support. It just makes it a lot harder to do it. Um, so I knew that it was absolutely critical to try and get my other half and my girls involved right from the start. Right from the start. Because there are lots of considerations. Once I decided, okay, that's what I wanted to do, and I figured it had to be an executive MBA, then I did more research and found out, okay, no, I actually want to do a global executive MBA. I knew that, yeah, that journey was going to be so rigorous. So, first of all, I had to figure out how I was going to pay for it because it wasn't cheap. And then figure out how I was going to get my family support. Because I had to, like, you know, the every module we went to a different country. By the end, it was 18 months. By the end, I'd been to seven different countries in four continents in 18 months. So it's quite intense in that sense. And then I also had to get the support of work because I needed time off. It was two weeks each time to go away to these different countries for these modules, right? So I had to get support from work. And I knew, okay, let's let's start with well, potentially what is probably the easiest thing to try and get, which is family. All right. So I decided to write them letters because we often forget things that are said, right? I mean, I don't know about you, but well, someone can say something to me today. By next week, oh, by like two days' time, I might forget certain elements of it.

Speaker 2 15:21

Right.

Speaker 1 15:21

I might still retain the core message, but I'll forget some critical elements to the, you know, to what they said. But when you put something in writing, there's no forgetting because everything is right there for people or the person to read. Right? And all your emotions, all your thoughts are right there in the open for them to read and digest. And they don't forget because these days they can always open up the letter whenever they feel like, okay, let me just remember why mommy wants to do this again. Let me remember why uh Rebecca, my wife, wants to do this again. They have they have it there all the time as a reminder. So I wanted to do something that intentional to give them the ability to always go back and just and just check, you know, because sometimes they might forget. They might be like, Why did mommy want to do this again? Oh, I know, let me go read that letter again, you know. And yeah, nothing brings something to life like putting it on paper, quite frankly. My youngest daughter cried when she read the letter. It was actually quite sweet. And I said to her, you know, you can go back and read it as many times, darling, like if you if you want to remember, like, you know, the days when I'm, I don't know, in I don't know, for example, Shanghai. And you think, why is mommy going all around this place? Why is she going all around the world? Just bring her the letter and read it. Yeah, you know, and in there you understand mommy's intentions and the reasons why I have to. To me, it was like, I have to do it. It wasn't even an option anymore. It was like, look, I need to do something like this in order to get to the next stage of my life and to also help bring the family to that next stage.

Speaker 17:03

You know, writing things down has a way of crystallizing things and holding you to account. And that was a very thoughtful thing you did there. I really admire that. So you were in a cohort with brilliant people from 27 different countries, and you've been open about feeling imposter syndrome. You have a fascinating philosophy that the goal isn't to eliminate imposter syndrome, it's to stop letting it take the wheel. Can you take us to that moment where you felt that self-doubt and walk us through your process of managing it and speaking up anyway?

Speaker 1 17:43

So, one of the vivid moments is usually came up when I was in class and I had to share information. I had to be involved in class discussions. Oh, and by the way, with the the way the school operated, you had to be involved in class discussions, like you had to speak. We were actually marked on class participation. And if you don't participate, you can do brilliantly well in a coursework and in an exam, but you failed the module. So it's absolutely critical. And it's very intentional. They do it very intentionally because they're like, you are leaders, you need to learn to speak up. It's not just about theorizing and understanding the concept, it's also about how do you deliver the message, how do you convey your views. So that's why they made class participation like a huge part of every single module, right? So that's the first thing to remember is that you have to speak up. So when faced with these, uh like when we're in class and we're doing like, you know, our class discussions, and I have an idea in my head, something in me will be like, that's that's silly. You know, I'm not sure about that. That one, Rebecca. That one doesn't make much sense. It might, they might think it's funny when you say it, or they might laugh at you. You know, you have that, it's like that that second person living inside your brain. I call mine Letitia, by the way, but we'll get to how I um got to that point. That that loud person, that's her name, Letitia. Um, but yeah, but so it's like that second person in your brain just saying, Well, who do you think you are? Like that doesn't really make any sense. And funny enough, almost almost all the time when we were in class, somebody else will say something similar. Somebody else would speak up and say something similar to what I was thinking. And then I'll be like, well, hang on a minute. So that's not stupid after all, because I see how other people engage. I'm like, so I could have just said the thing that I was thinking anyway.

Speaker 2 19:38

Yeah.

Speaker 1 19:38

You know, so those experiences from doing that and hearing other people say something similar, um, it made me think, but you know what? You have your own valid views. And also with the way the MBA is, um, I mean, you must have experienced this when you went to Halt. It's about bringing your own perspective. There is no right or wrong. And that was the other thing that I started learning very quickly. It's not, oh, that's a stupid idea, but that's your perspective. How can you, how can you articulate that and explain that to other people? That's what it was all about. So I'm like, so really all I need to do is be able to articulate my views and explain it to somebody else so they understand it.

Speaker 2 20:19

Yeah, really.

Speaker 1 20:20

That's what it was. So that was one one of the things that helped me was actually understanding that I had my own perspective and I had my own view, and my own views made sense because other people were kind of thinking something similar. They might articulate it in a different way, but they were thinking something similar. But also the other thing that helped me immensely was talking about it. So every so often, like, you know, I might be walking back to like my hotel with one of my classmates, and I'll mention, oh, do you know, at this particular point when Professor said this, it was a bit uncomfortable, you know. Like I kind of wanted to say something, but I didn't for some reason. You know, like I will talk about it openly. Um, to some people, you know who you talk, you know, who you can express things like this with over time. The interesting thing was that other people felt the same. So the people that I'm looking up to thinking, ah, this guy's got everything locked down, you know, they know exactly what they're doing, they've got all the answers, and blah, blah, blah. A lot of them also felt similar. You know, they also had the insecurities. You know, so that actually makes you realize you're not alone. There's like imposter syndrome. I started looking more into imposter syndrome, and the statistics say that 70% of people in the world feel imposter syndrome at some point in their life. Now, that's one, that's seven out of ten people in a room. That's a lot of people. So I think it's important that people understand that they're not alone. This is not just synonymous to you. It's a phenomenon that everybody, almost everybody experiences. So it's like it's one of those, and also. Have to understand that imposter syndrome is a form of fear. Um, so you feel that fear and you just do it anyway. That's the only way to combat imposter syndrome, and like anything to do with fear, fear doesn't just go away, right? So, nor does imposter syndrome, it doesn't just go away. What you have to do is quiet in it. What you have to do is find a way to shut Letitia up in my case, because Letitia is my imposter syndrome persona, right? So I have to find a way to make her quiet down. And that's what like speaking to other people help me do. That's what listening, other people saying, oh, by the way, or other people coming up with a similar idea to me in class to help me to do. You know, so I think it's important that people understand that it's not just going to go away. Every time you face a new challenge, every time you go into new territory, you will have some kind of nerve, some kind of fear.

unknown 22:59

Yeah.

Speaker 1 22:59

And it may well be imposter syndrome, right? Because you're doing something that stretches you, you're doing something completely new out of your comfort zone. So of course it's gonna feel uncomfortable, of course, it's gonna feel scary, you know. But the only way to combat it is to feel that fear and do it anyway.

Speaker 23:15

Yeah. I hear you. I don't know how many times I suffered what you just mentioned in class with your cohorts and feeling like, you know, not stepping up and answering the question. I can't tell you how many times that happened, but you're absolutely right. It's about understanding the fear and doing it anyway. Exactly. So you reframe the mid-career crisis as the second act, arguing that the 40s and the 50s can be our most powerful years because of the experience and emotional intelligence we bring. What is one specific superpower a 45-year-old professional has that a brilliant 25-year-old simply can't? And how can they learn to leverage it?

Speaker 1 24:02

Well, that's a that's a I really I love that question. Um, because this is going back to what I said earlier. It's like we care less when we're in our 40s in terms of what other people think. So you tend to speak your mind more. I don't know about you, but like now I'm like, I just have to tell you how it is. Okay, I'll try and be tactful, obviously. Like, you know, you don't just like verbal diarrhea, bring everything out, but we haven't got time to waste. Time is precious. We we uh it's like as time, as you gain more experience in life, you start to value your time more. I value my time. Uh uh, I am very um, what's the word? Um I'm a gatekeeper of my time because I know that if I waste time here, it's going to crop up somewhere else in my life. So I'm very intentional about how I use my time, you know? And one of the things that helps me streamline how I use my time is basically choosing what I spend my time on. Right? So this is why it's it's really important to understand them for me. Like in my 40s, I'm like, right, okay, I need to cut this out, cut that out, just go straight to this because now I know that this is the direction that I need to go. And I don't need to waste time, all this other time doing this other fluffy stuff. You know, I feel like in your 40s, you're a lot more intentional. Because, like I said, you know, as I said before, you get to that point where you think, well, hang on, I've lived the last 40 years of my life doing something that was okay, it's okay, you know, but it's not, it's not like you know, making me it's not exciting me. It's not making me want to like wake up in the morning anymore to do it. Like that there is no, you know, there's no possess anymore. You know, so now how am I, can I actually, it's kind of like designing your life, like you now have an opportunity to redesign your life again. That isn't that when you think about it from that perspective, is an immense opportunity. You can literally design the life you want. All you need to do is get over yourself and get over your fear. Well, to be fair, like I said, the fear doesn't go away completely. The fear is always going to be your companion, but you have to find a way to quiet in that doubting, well, Letitia or whatever names that you know you want to give your inner critic. Um, so that's not going to go away. And actually, as a matter of fact, look forward to having that companion because that companion only comes when you're being challenged, right? When you're doing something that grows a muscle, you know, when you're when you're put in a new situation. So actually, on the other side of that challenge is growth, and that's where your blessings are, you know. So I'm like, this is a time when you haven't got, well, your 40s to me is a time when you haven't got time to play anymore. It's like, oh, I need to be intentional. I need to go and get what I want. I need to do this for me. You know, not for anybody else, but for me, you know, to have that fulfillment in life. Life is too short. Life is too short to live a life that is not for you, a life that is for, I don't know, your mom, you know, your sister, your partner. Like you need to have the life that makes you happy.

Speaker 27:21

Yeah. It doesn't take a fool to see that as you get older, time becomes much more valuable. So you really don't have time to waste in your 40s or your 50s for that matter. Exactly. Okay, so you make a beautiful distinction between drifting through a career and designing it. What is the difference between being merely ambitious versus being truly intentional about your growth?

Speaker 1 27:48

So in my 30s, I was drifting through my career because it was fine. It was, you know, I wake up in the morning, it was pretty much the same protocol, same routine, day in, day out, you know, day in, day out, day in, day out. Before I know it, like, you know, five years has gone by. You look back and you're like, hang on a minute, what's happened in the last five years? Um, and you can't even put your finger on it because you have been living in autopilot. You know, so I found that in my 30s, drifting through my career, doing the same thing, you know, waking up in the morning, maybe take one holiday a year, continuing going through the motion. That's what drifting feels like. It's like you're just going through the motion, you know. Um, and also to be honest, at that point, I stopped dreaming. I realize that now, not in my 30s, I stopped dreaming, you know. So just going back a little bit, just to give some context to that. I had my first daughter, Amelia, when I was 30. And after I had her, I had postnatal depression. I didn't even know that that's what it was. Like I didn't put a name to it. I just knew that at that time it was a period where I just felt down and I just wanted to be by myself with my baby. I didn't reach out to friends, like I was kind of like isolating myself in a way. Um, because to me it was like I didn't really want to engage that much with the outside world. You know, I was okay, my own little bubble, didn't really want to let people in. Um, so during that time, I lost contact with quite a few friends. And it was only later on, after that, like then I got to a place where I don't know, it kind of is up on its own. I can't really tell you what I did, right, to get to the other side. It's just that I know that after a certain point, I started like reaching out slowly. No, it wasn't like it didn't happen all at once, you know, reached out to maybe one friend, you know, answer, call back another friend that left a message, like, you know, I don't know, three days ago. Because before people will leave messages and I'll be like, I'll get to it, I'll get to it, and I never do. After I went through that phase, I think I just got to the point where I was like, what I'm doing is okay. I don't know, it kind of also sapped or sipped into my career. And I was like, well, what I'm doing is okay. I don't need to rock the boat, you know. The career is decent. Um, so let's just keep going. And that's what happened, you know, in my 30s is literally drifting through. And it was okay at the time, until I got to my 40s. And I was like, well, hang on, hang on, Rebecca. What do you want? Is this what you've achieved so far? Is this what you want going forward? And that's when that unease I explained before started. I was like, well, yeah, actually, when I look at it, it's not. I need something else. I need to number one, actually, find my purpose. Because even then, during my global executive MBA, in the second module, we did a module called Finding. Oh, I'm trying to remember the name of this module, it was so profound. Managing oneself. So this was an interesting module because when you go and do programs on leadership, it's always about externalizing, it's always about how you manage others. But oftentimes you don't do a program that teaches you how to manage yourself, or how about you? Because it starts from you, right? It starts from in you have to it starts from inside you before you can then bring it out as an output, right? So that was a very powerful module. And one of the questions that stayed with me that he asked, um, my professor asked was, What is your purpose? If somebody asks you today, what is your purpose, can you answer that? And I honestly struggled with that question. So from that module, I went on this quest, if you like, to find my purpose. And it was only when I got to the end of the program that it started dawning on me that, okay, do you know what, Rebecca? This is this is what you really enjoy. You love um mentoring in some form, you love that kind of engagement with other people, you love being able to have some kind of impact or make some kind of impact on people, like individuals. You know, you you like being able to guide people from A to B. That is my purpose. I I love to be in that place where I'm able to guide people from, well, this is where I am now, and this is where I want to be, and I want to help them bridge the gap, you know. So you've got that gap, that chasm in the middle. You know, it's helped them bridge that gap to get to the place that they need to get to. But that was from me going on that quest of trying to figure out what is my purpose. That's how I discovered that that really was what drove me. So I knew I had to do something that allowed me to do that. And my career was not allowing me to do that, and that's what I mean by leaving your purpose. So I had to find something that aligned with this purpose that I had now discovered that I had.

Speaker 33:04

So similar to my story, same situation, a module. I think I was authentic leadership. And a coach also told me you have to have internal leadership, and that's how you show up. So it's really interesting how our stories align. So did I mention, audience, that this lady is an author? You have a book called The Lies We Tell Ourselves. What was the biggest lie you used to believe about yourself? And what truths have you replaced it with?

Speaker 1 33:40

Oh, without a shadow of a doubt, it was like you're not enough. It was the whole imposter syndrome thing playing itself. You know, I find myself in situations where um it's people that really stretch me, people that are maybe somewhere where I want to get to, you know, especially when I'm in those kind of rooms. And that's what my MBA presented was the room was full of those people, those people that were millionaires, billionaires, CEOs, CFOs, COOs, you know, like these guys were in the game, you know, some of them from large family conglomerates that, you know, their family businesses are worth billions, you know. So it's like when you're in a room with these kind of people, that's why I had the imposter syndrome. I was like, oh, am I good enough to be in this room? You know, it was it wasn't until I said to myself, well, hang on a minute, each and every one of us brings our own perspective. Each and every one of us have something different to contribute. So I have my own strengths to contribute. You know, so does Carlos, you know, so does so does Felipe. Like so we all have different things to contribute. So it was only until I got to that place where I realized that I had my own unique qualities to contribute. That's when I learned how to quiet. And also speaking to other people, like I mentioned before, that's when I learned to quiet that nagging Letitia. So what I've replaced that I'm not enough with is, but why not me? Like, why not? So when I say, but you're not enough, like Leticia says, you're not enough, you know, you don't belong in this room, but why not me? Why not? Give me a reason why I'm not enough. And then obviously, that well, not obviously, but when you challenge your thoughts, actually, you start realizing that you have been telling yourself some lies because you can't actually when you when I say, but why not me? Then Letitia can't give me a really good answer. Why not me? And what I say, the reason why I wrote this book is we all tell ourselves lies every single day. This has started from our childhood. I mean, all of this with is proponents from how we have been raised, the societies we've grown up in, the things that we have been exposed to. And then when we get become adults, the things that we expose ourselves to, these are all the things that shake, shape our self-belief, you know, our um societal views. And these are the things that we we internalize some of these things, um, and we consistently believe these things. But what we don't do, so for example, we it depending on the household or the society that you're raised in, you're raised to be a people pleaser. I mean, let's face it, in in largely in the Nigerian society, especially for girls, we are raised to be people pleasers. Let's just let's call it what it is. You're raised to say, yes, sir, okay, I will help you do that, I will help you go put all these things together. Yes, okay, I'll do all of these things for you. Somebody will say, Oh, can you also help me do that and that and that? Of course, yeah, I'm the wife, I'm the mum. Yeah, I've got that covered. Don't worry. You know, so you're you're taught from a child from from when you're a little girl to pretty much say yes to almost everything, right? You have to learn. I think as we get older and we become more intentional, you have to start unlearning some of these things that you have learned as a child. Because those things no longer serve you, they they're no longer aligned with where you want to go. Right. So you have to start unlearning those things. And that was one of the things that that, but also in terms of the lies we tell ourselves, why I call the book that is one, because we have constantly been telling ourselves lies, because I, as I mentioned, based on all our upbringings and things like that. But also, secondly, I wanted people to believe that they that they have the tools and the powers within themselves to actually get to where they want to get to. Because oftentimes we think, oh no, it's um, I need to do this with somebody else. Somebody else is going to be the person that's going to, you know, like take me to that place. But actually, you it has to start with you. It starts with your mindset, it starts with what you believe about you. You are a human being, you are a person. Like we have views about other people, but equally we have views about ourselves. And the thing is, if somebody tells you a lie, or if somebody tells you something that you believe to be untrue, you challenge them, right? You'd be like, nah, come on, Lolita, that's not true, Rebecca. Nah, come on. That's not what I heard. But when we tell ourselves these things, we don't challenge ourselves. Why is that? We just believe it. Like, you know, you say, I'm not enough. Okay, no, enough. You can't do that. Okay, yeah. So, why is it that we can challenge somebody else, but not ourselves? When you start challenging yourself, you will start figuring out or you start realizing that actually that thing you've been telling yourself might not necessarily be true. You've told it to yourself for 20 years, but actually, when you ask yourself the question and say, but why can't I do it? What's the reason? Tell me the reasons. Then you're stuck. Then it's like, well, okay, but I did this small thing the other time, about two years ago. So I kind of have this kind of skill set. And I also did this other thing, you know, I don't know, maybe like last week, which also shows that I have another kind of skill set that helps me towards that thing. So why can't I do it? But it only comes from you challenging, it comes from you saying, Well, hang on a minute, let's just distill this thing. Why can't I do it? Why can't I do that? Why can't I be that person? Why can't I be in that room? You know, so the lies we tell ourselves is to give people the tool and also help people understand. Because me being with in the midst of these superstars in my program, I also distill the way that these guys think, coupled with the things I had to do for in my mind for my mindset to get me to the next stage. So this book is all of these things in one, is basically giving you the tools you need to help you internalize and digest um the things that you think about and how to help you get from that place to the next stage that you need to get to to help you achieve your goals.

Speaker 40:15

Yeah, I think my main takeaway is, you know, the socializing of women to be people pleaser. I was just talking to somebody about that. We always feel it's the right thing to do until it's not, until we open our eyes and realize, hey, I'm more than this. And even having that internal discussion around asking yourself questions about what you're capable of and addressing yourself, so many things we need to do.

Speaker 1 40:41

And you know, we we quickly forget the good things that we've achieved, yeah, the good things that we've done. We brush it under the carpet, we achieve it, we're like, oh yeah, that's nice, and then move on. Sometimes we don't even celebrate it. So I I encourage people to when you achieve, like when you get through those milestones, celebrate it. You know, if journal it, remember it, remember the good things, not just the bad. The brain has a funny way of always just taking you back to the bad things, the bad times, you know, the the struggles. But you got you have got a lot of good qualities about you. Why don't you concentrate on doubling, you know, doubling down on those qualities rather than just concentrating on the things that you think you don't have?

Speaker 2 41:24

Yeah.

Speaker 1 41:25

And you know, it's funny. This is a conversation I have with my older daughter from time to time because oftentimes she gets to that place where you know she just concentrates on the things that she doesn't have. I'm like, but you have all these other things going on, like all of this. Why are you just singling out this one thing? One thing, you know. So I think it's really important that we, and especially women, we're not kind to ourselves. We're we're our own worst critics. So we we need to find a way to basically just believe that we can do these things. And the way that we believe that is by challenging, first of all, you know, and actually saying, but why can't why can't I do that thing?

Speaker 42:09

Yeah, yeah. So, Rebecca, you're not just a life coach, you're also a senior customer experience manager in corporate real estate. How do you manage the energy and identity of excelling in a demanding corporate role while simultaneously building your personal brand and business? Do these two worlds ever clash or do they feed off each other?

Speaker 1 42:38

So, well, I think the first thing I will say is that it was all about time management. Time management is like the number one reason why I was able to juggle work, as in 95 work, in the corporate real estate world and building my business at the time at the same time with my kids, you know. I had to become militant with my time. And what I mean by that is I would allocate the times that I would use to work on the business. And this was usually in the evenings and weekends, and then obviously, like work time, you know, like nine to five is for the main job. You know, so I had to be so intentional and I had to make sure that I did something towards my business in the evenings, you know. So I'll have a time frame that I'll do my own personal work in building my personal brand. I had to make sure that I maintained consistency. And also, what that meant was that when I'm working on my business, I make my family aware that, okay, they already know. Like when mommy comes back from work or Rebecca is back from work, um, she does, she sits down in front of her computer, and within the next two, three hours, she's doing her business. She's doing stuff on her business, you know. So the less you can disturb me during this time frame, the better for us, right? Um, unless it was an emergency, like if there was something that was really, really important, obviously I'll put that on hold and I'll deal with that. But many times, I mean, it wasn't an emergency. It might be a question here and there, and you know, but the roof is not burning down, like we haven't got it in the house, it's not flooding. But you know, so this was how I managed my time. And this is very similar to what I did when I was doing the Gember as well, the global executive MBA. I was very militant. So I've pretty much copied the same manuscript from doing the program to now not finished. I wanted to maintain the momentum, you know. So I was like, I need to use this time to build my business. So that way I maintained the same structure from when I was doing the program to when I finished because I want I didn't want to lose the momentum. You know, I didn't want to lose all the because sometimes you go on a fantastic program course, um, and within three months, like everything is gone. So I didn't want it to be that. I wanted to put my skills to use, and what best way to put your skills to use than to start your own business? I mean, that was like baptism of fire. Yeah, so but also I knew that I wasn't ready to just jump out on my own completely when I started the business. I was like, I kind of need to learn the ropes, test the waters, test the market, see if there's a product market fit that's you know, all the all the good stuff. But I also knew that I needed to build my own personal brand. So people will start hearing my name, associate me with the business or my services. So I knew that the personal brand was very important to helping me get to the stage I wanted to get to. Um, I mean, to be fair, in this day and age, you cannot build a business anymore without having some kind of personal brand. Maybe possible, but it's twice as hard.

Speaker 45:59

Yeah.

Speaker 1 46:00

You know, so this is one key realization, if you like. So building my personal brand became very important. And I knew that I had to do it alongside my nine to five. Um, but I'm currently in a transitional period with my 95, uh, because I actually left. So I I resigned from my 95. So I'm actually I've reached that point where I'm like, I just I need to concentrate on doing my own business. I don't want to give that energy and that time to somebody else. Yeah, you know, I will double down, I'll take that energy back, thank you very much, and I'll double down on my business. So I'm currently in that transition right now.

Speaker 46:40

Huge congratulations to you for uh coming to the end of your nine to five. I was in your position a few months ago, and once it was done, I felt so elated. I woke up every morning, really excited. Four in the morning, I'm good to go because that energy you're talking about, taking it back and putting it in my personal brand, and it's so exciting. You you would love it. You would love the new life.

Speaker 1 47:06

Thank you so much.

Speaker 47:06

I'm looking forward to it, actually. I'm excited. Okay, so finally, what's next for Rebecca's new mission? You've mentioned scaling your coaching business globally, and that there may just be another book coming. So, what does the next even bigger chapter look like for Rebecca Wanco?

Speaker 1 47:28

Oh, the future is bright. The future is orange, only joking, but orange. But I I envisage a lot of big things happening. One from starting my own podcast, so soon to be continued. Um, I'll share more details about that on LinkedIn when the time comes, to writing my second book, which is called What If I Can. This is continuing on on the you know on the mindset topic. And also, I have just rebranded and I'm still in the process of rebranding myself into the mindset queen. Because as I've alluded to before, the mindset is everything, everything starts fundamentally from inside of you.

Speaker 2 48:12

Right.

Speaker 1 48:13

Before you can then bring it out into the world, you've got to set the right foundation or build the right foundations first. And that foundation is mindset. Um, so I talk about everything mindsets, hence the mindset queen. And part of my business, coaching absolutely is number, you know, it's one of the most paramount things in my business. But also, I'm a speaker. So I've just come back from speaking in a women's conference in Miami. Uh, the conference was all about empowerment and inspiration and inspiring women. So I absolutely loved it. It was such a buzz, and I realized that I love speaking on stage. So I want to, I will be doing a lot more of this global speaking. Um, so Miami is was the first gig um looking at doing other, going to other places, other locations to speak on stage. Right. Um, so lots of different things coming up, lots of different things. And now that I'm going to have my time back, oh yes, I actually envisage even more than what I've just mentioned. But this is the starting building blocks, if you like. And I'm looking forward to what the future holds.

Speaker 49:24

Awesome. I'm excited for you, Rebecca. And you've given us so many insights. I am just in awe of how similar our stories are. And I'm really cheering you on. I really want us to succeed in our new paths, and you're just a beacon for other women. So thank you, thank you, thank you for being our guest today. And I hope you'll be back because we want to know, you know, we want some updates on your journey.

Speaker 1 49:52

You know, you know what, Lolita has been so much fun. I enjoyed our conversation, and I look forward to coming back. I'd love to.

Speaker 50:03

So that was our mindset queen, Rebecca Nwankwo, giving us a lot of advice, especially us women. We need to understand our inner leadership to actually show up. And we have to know how to deal with our fears. Fear is good because it enables us to be creative, it takes us out of our comfort zone, but it's not meant to paralyze us and bring on its old friend imposter syndrome to mess things up and lie to us. So let's get on the positive side of being women and understand that we have the power to be the leaders that we ought to be when we follow our purpose. I want to thank you all again for being our great listeners on the We Win podcast. And please stay tuned for our next episode. Goodbye.