EP. 19 "We Are Good": Sheila Chingono on Reclaiming Life After a Stroke

At 32, Sheila Chingono was a successful Government Lawyer and Magistrate Judge. Then, in a single moment, a hemorrhagic stroke changed everything. She joins us to share how her faith and family played a crucial role in her recovery, becoming practical tools for survival in the face of deep struggle. We also discuss how building a brand rooted in resilience, unity, and positive reinforcement—Tiribhoo, meaning "we are good"—became a vital part of her healing journey.

Transcript

Speaker 1 0:00

Hello everyone. Welcome to the WeWin podcast, powered by Accelerator Africa and the Human Pattern Institute. Today's guest is someone whose story will stop you in your tracks and remind you of the resilience of the human spirit. Meet Sheila Chingono, a UK government lawyer and magistrate, who at just 30 years old suffered a hemorrhagic stroke while driving. In one moment, everything changed. But here's what makes Sheila's story so powerful. She didn't just survive, she thrived. Through faith, determination, and incredible support. She defied medical expectations, regained her independence, and returned to the bench, becoming a fierce advocate for stroke awareness and disability inclusion in the justice system. Sheila reminds us that there is life after stroke. It's just what you tell your mind. And today, she's telling her mind and all of us that her story isn't over. It's just beginning. Please welcome Sheila Chingono. Hi, Sheila, and welcome to the We Win podcast. It was such a pleasure to have you here with us.

Speaker 1:22

It's such a pleasure to be here, and thank you for having me, Lolita.

Speaker 1 1:25

So, Sheila, at 32, you're a successful government lawyer, a magistrate judge, and a newly married woman. A life you'd worked so hard to build, then in a single moment, a hemorrhagic stroke changed everything. Can you take us back to that time? What does it feel like when the life you know so intimately suddenly becomes a foreign country?

Speaker 1:50

The time when I had the stroke, in terms of the very moment it happened, was actually a bit of a blur because I was driving at the time when it happened. Me and my husband were coming back from a family function in Huddersfield and we're driving back to Nottingham, which is where he's from. And so I actually drove the whole length of that journey from Huddersfield to Nottingham, which is the best part of 70 miles. I had no issues. Um and I only started feeling pins and needles as I came off the motorway and came into Nottingham. And it's the only way my husband noticed that I was mounting the curb as I was turning corners whilst I'm mid-arguing with him that I'm not doing that, is when he came to pull me out of the driver's side and I gave way. And so the exact moment when it happened, it is so much of a blur because I still can't believe up till now that I was actually driving and probably had that on set, maybe let's say 10 minutes before when I was on the M1, it could have probably been a disaster for me and many other people. And so I think I look back at that time just as a moment of gratefulness and thankfulness that it didn't happen 10 minutes earlier. And so all of the hullabaloo that followed afterwards, in terms of the ambulance being called and all of that, was a blur. Um, and in terms of piece of the chronology, it's only from speaking to my family and friends that I really began to realize that I think I woke up about two days later.

Speaker 1 3:07

Oh my goodness.

Speaker 3:08

And that's when I realized that my left side wasn't moving. And I think because I was in hospital, it was a bit surreal. I remember about a week after being in hospital, constantly asking medical professionals, okay, so how long is it gonna be? Am I gonna be walking tomorrow? And I remember thinking this is just, you know, just a little stint in hospital. I'll only be here for you know a week and I'll be out. But it was a harsh reality when I realized that I'm not coming out. It was a harsh reality when I realized that rehab is not a one week or two-week or even a one-month or a two-month thing. And it was that transition that I think was the hardest for me. So it wasn't actually the stroke that shocks me. It was the transition during my time in hospital and the weeks that I was in hospital when I began to realize that okay, this isn't a quick fix. This isn't just something that's gonna be okay after I've done one or two weeks in here. This is a long-term thing. And I think if I'm honest, at that time it crushed me because I just didn't know what the future was gonna look like. I remember coming home when I was discharged, and about a week after being home and looking at my husband and sitting on the sofa and watching my husband clean and cook and do this. And I just burst into tears one day and I could-I just couldn't help it. I just started crying. And he came to me and he's like, you know, what's the matter? And I said, I can't believe I'm watching you do all the housework. I'm literally sitting here and I can't move. And I think so. It's those little things that I began to really start to affect me later on after I've been discharged, rather than at the moment the stroke happened. It was everything else afterwards and that reality that took quite a while, I'd say, to sink in to realize that okay, this is me now, this is where we are.

unknown 4:45

Yeah.

Speaker 1 4:46

Wow, that is such a journey. And for you not to have recalled the actual incident, but you remember the whole transition into your new life and the way your husband had to step in for you? Some would say you're blessed. So, in the immediate aftermath, you were facing left side paralysis and a future that was completely uncertain. So, for anyone listening who has had their world turned upside down by a sudden crisis, what is the one thing you held on to in those first darkest days?

Speaker 5:21

You know, faith is so important, uh, whatever faith people have. Obviously, I'm a Christian, um, but faith is so important. And there's a scripture that says we listen to the words of God and we bury them in our hearts. Um, and for me, it became so relevant because I realized that all the scripture that I had been learning, I only started going to church when I was in my 20s. But all that scripture meant everything in those moments because there were scriptures that I had to lean on, you know, Jeremiah 29, when God says I have plans for you. I I had to start leaning on all these scriptures because I had no other hope. And so for me, my faith was so important. And, you know, I was angry with God, but I was able to speak to him and just say, okay, so you said that you've got plans for me not to harm me. So what's this about? And I started really having conversations with God, especially in hospital when I was alone. There was one particular night in hospital when I started having severe twitching in my leg, and I think it was the sign of my leg trying to like wake up after the stroke after it'd been dead for a few days. So I started having severe twitching in my leg, literally at 2 a.m. And I called the nurse and I rang the buzzer and I said, I don't know what's going on, I can't sleep. My leg is actually moving in a way that I can't control and it's distressing me. And she was quite abrupt, you know. I understand obviously they rushed off their feet, but in that moment her response was very abrupt to me. And she was just like, Oh, Sheila, you're just you're just fussing, you're just fussing. You need to go back to sleep. And I said, I can't sleep. My leg is moving in a way that I'm not in control of it. Could you please get the doctor just to find out if everything's okay? Is everything what's going on here? Um, and you know, the doctor wouldn't come, the doctor was busy, all of that typical stuff that happens in a hospital. And I was crying. And sometimes my husband used to stay on the phone to me, but on this particular night, I think he'd fallen asleep and listen. So now I was just by myself. I was in this ward, surrounded by old people. Nurse won't come to me, my leg is twitching, and I just started crying. And in that moment, all I did was put on a sermon. Um, I used to love T Djakes, and I just put on a sermon and I had it on repeat, and I had it on repeat. And this was literally 2 a.m., you know, 3 a.m. I'm still awake, 4 a.m., I'm still awake, 5 a.m. I'm still awake, 6 a.m. I'm still awake. But I just started listening to sermons one after the other, one after the other. And that's in that moment. I remember that specific night because it was in that moment that I started to realize that this is the only thing that's giving me peace. Right. If I don't have these sermons on in my ears, everything else around me is noise. My senses are heightened because I'm smelling poo because everyone's had a stroke, so they can't go to the toilet, so they're having to use a bed pan, which I also had to use. So everything else was heightened and negative, and listening to sermons was the only piece. Uh, and so I would say that faith is so important. Whatever faith people have, it's so important to lean on that. Because in a crisis, that's all you have, but you have to believe that you're gonna come out of the crisis. There is no point in being woeful and crying even more, but you know, you have to really lean on whatever you've been taught and whatever you believe is your fundamental faith system. It comes into play in crisis. And so that was for me what allowed me to even survive hospital, if I could put it that way. I survived it because of because of those podcasts, and because that was the only time that I ever felt at peace.

Speaker 1 8:29

Yeah, it makes perfect sense because you you said something about having a lot of negativity and things that were happening around you were making your feelings more negative because they were heightened just by being alone and isolated and being in a crisis, and faith helped you. And I can see why, because you have the scriptures and you had to believe, you had to hold on to something, and I guess faith, faith is the only sustainable thing to hold on to. You've spoken about the crucial role your faith and family played in your recovery. In those moments of deep struggle, how did those intangible things, faith and love, become practical everyday tools for your survival and rebuilding?

Speaker 9:16

Yeah, so in terms of um love and family, you know, I didn't appreciate, obviously, I'm from an African background, uh and so you know, family always would overwhelmingly visit sometimes. But actually, as the weeks went on, I was in the hospital for four weeks. As the weeks went on, I began to appreciate how privileged I was, especially when I would see people that had no visitors the whole day. And I would look at them across the hospital bed and I could I could see how slow the day was for them. You know, I I got to the stage where I had a timetable, I knew who was coming when, I knew what time my husband was coming, I knew who was coming after that, I knew who the random people were that were visiting me that day. My day was full. And so, you know, in terms of hospital, uh, to practically get through the day, I would have visitation the whole time people were there. And, you know, it's so fundamental for your mental health to have people there, even just to come for an hour and have that conversation. And I really appreciated having a big family because they all took it in turns. Uh, my husband's side of the family, just as big, they took it in turns. And so I never had a day where I was alone, I never had a day where nobody visited. Everybody visited every day, and I was in the hospital for a month, and every single day somebody was visiting, somebody came with food, somebody came to talk to me, talk to my husband, be a support system for him. And then, in terms of faith, from a practical level, as I said, listening to scriptures was peaceful for me. I would find different sermons to listen to. If there was a particular one that I liked, I'd put that one on before I went to bed, just so it could get into my subconscious. Uh, and then reading, I'll just start to read pages on pages, then pages and pages of the Bible, sometimes just to fall asleep in that peacefulness. Because otherwise, if I didn't, there was so much noise, so much noise in my head, so much noise, literally in the environment. And so I needed to escape. And obviously, it's so hard when you're in hospital and you don't know when you're gonna be discharged, you don't know how long you're gonna be there for, uh, and every day is just anticipation. That for me was so hard. As a black woman who's usually in control, that was the hardest thing because I wasn't in control. I couldn't fast track when I would leave that hospital. I couldn't say I want to go tomorrow. I couldn't even discharge myself because I couldn't walk. So I was totally out of control. I've never experienced not being in control the way I experienced my time in hospital and being literally at the mercy of others. And I think sometimes, as difficult as it is in life, sometimes God puts you in those situations so that you can lean on him. Because if we don't get to a point of desperation, sometimes we don't lean on God. Sadly, as humans, human nature, sometimes we use God as a crutch, uh as an afterthought. But actually, you know, when you're in a situation where you have no other option, God will put you there so that you can lean on him and learn how to lean on him. And I think what that situation taught me, especially being in hospital, is how effective scripture was for me in terms of how it made me feel. And now I do it every day. You know, now I'll listen to a sermon and a lot more than I used to do before the stroke, because I just know that it's peacefulness for me and it's a priority for me to listen to something that will give me peace. So I embedded that in my life, but that was as a result of the stroke that that became a fundamental and foundation for me.

Speaker 1 12:31

I think what I found really profound is you finding gratitude even in your circumstances and even recognizing that someone from the bread across you had no visitors and you had all your family coming in, taking in turns. So finding that gratitude does help to push out anxiety and any sort of noise that's going on in your mind.

Speaker 12:52

I agree, and you know, I think for me, I don't know if it was an innate characteristic that I was born with, but as I've been going on this journey post-stroke and actually rediscovering myself, you know, one thing my husband said to me is that this is the new version of you. As I've been rediscovering myself, I've been even asking myself, has this always been my character? And I just never knew it, you know. The positivity, you know, a lot of people say to me, Well, how have you done this? And I'm like, I don't know, I'm just I'm just positive. But this is part of me believing that God puts certain people through certain situations so there can be a light onto other people. And so the gratitude and the positivity that I have, I think was always my character. Before the stroke, it was always a characteristic that I had, but it was a test that God was putting me through to see if I would still have that character in a trying time. And that as you're saying, that is the character that took me out of a trying time. Because if I wasn't positive, or if I didn't joke about it, or you know, try to make light of the situation, the alternative was I'll be crying every day. And you know, there was a time in hospital when I was in a particular hospital that I didn't really like because I was transferred to three hospitals. So the second hospital, I didn't really like it. And there was a stint for about three, four days where I cried every single day. My husband would come and see me every day, and I was crying, and I just it was uncontrollable. And I think that was the first time that I'd ever experienced depression because I'd never experienced it in my life. I'd never experienced what it's like to cry uncontrollably and not be able to stop. But you know, again, family coming and praying and just being there for me. It took me out of that moment, so to speak. But it showed me that if I carry on staying like that, I'm not gonna heal. This is gonna get worse. And so quickly I realized that positivity is the only way out of this because it's happened. I'm here, it's it's already happened. There's no point in feeling sorry for myself or crying. I'm already here. The best thing I can do is try to make the best of what I'm already going through. I think it's been a characteristic in me all along. It was just exemplified through this situation.

Speaker 1 14:47

Yeah, I can see how you reframe that and how that has helped you. Okay. Your recovery also involved the humbling practical step of returning to a part-time retail job at Next. What did the simple act of showing up, interacting with customers, and selling sofas teach you about resilience and the process of reclaiming your life piece by piece?

Speaker 15:11

Yeah, it was so fundamental because next was a part-time job. I didn't have to go back. There was no obligation on me to have gone back there. I literally was only working a few hours before the stroke. But for me, because of the type of a job it is compared to my full-time job, I think I needed that. One, the physical presence of being in a store and I'm walking around, etc. But two, just talking to different people, not in a formal setting. I needed it to feel like I was still Sheila. For my colleagues at Next, they had obviously it's a retail store, so we're a lot more lighthearted, we have fun, we joke around. And actually being able to interact with customers and being able to be challenged, you know, whether I could put things in a plastic bag, because obviously I'm only using one side. All of those things that I was doing practically, I needed them to still remember that I'm Sheila underneath it all. And I think the way that my colleagues received me and the way that I was able to be supported back into the role as the months went on and as time went on, I realized that actually underneath it, I'm I've always still and I am still Sheila. This is just the exterior, this is just a shell that's physically not at its best, but I myself, I'm still Sheila. And that's one thing that everybody made me realize and feel throughout the whole process is no one ever treated me differently. You know, at the beginning, yes, family kind of like mole-collowed me, and at next they used to be like, oh, you're okay, are you okay? But the more I kept on saying, Oh, I'm fine, I'm fine, people kept on leaving me alone a little bit more, leaving me alone a bit more. And it made me remember that this is just a part of me, my physical side. 90% of me is who's inside and who everybody still remembers me for. And I think for me, when I realized in hospital that my cognitive function wasn't affected, I think for me that was a game changer. Because unfortunately, stroke does affect people in different ways. And I have met people since who've lost their voice after a stroke. I have met people since who have got severe cognitive issues in terms of memory, even just remembering simple things like, oh, what was I doing when I when I went upstairs? I forgot what I came upstairs for, because they can't remember certain things and short-term memory. So when I realized that I didn't have those issues, I was seizing the day, you know. And so for the physical side of things, going to next, selling sofas, you know, walking up and down the store, etc., I was pushing myself because I was like, well, at least my brain still works. You know, at least I can still actually sell the sofa, at least I can still have a conversation and say, well, which one do you want? What color does it look like? You know, at least I can still do that. And so all those little things that I was experiencing that were validation for me. Because, you know, one thing stroke survivors will tell you is that because life changes that instantly, everything becomes seeking validation. Seeking validation, can I still do this? Can I still do that? It's like a constant thing and a constant thought that you have throughout your whole of your recovery, trying to figure out what you can do and what you still can't do. And so I think part of it is when I returned to next, it was to prove to myself that I can go back to next. And then when I was able to do one shift, two shifts, three shifts, I was like, okay, do you know what? I'm fine, I'm actually gonna stay because I do like it here, I do like talking to people, and that's why I stayed. And they've been so it was so great. You know, my manager's been amazing. You know, she would at the beginning, she would literally say, Sheila, even if you're coming for 30 minutes, there's no pressure coming for you know, as little or as long as you want. And so the first few days when I still was using a sticker, couldn't walk, I would literally go in for like an hour shift and go home. And she would say, you know, you just do what you feel like your body can handle. Um, there's absolutely no pressure from us here. But yeah, I needed that. And you know, it's it's that grace that so many people showed me that rebuilt me. Because if they had said, you know, Sheila, we can't have you back, unfortunately, you know, you're not really going to be um safe on the short floor or whatever, that probably would have cut out a part of me that I wouldn't have realized. And I probably would have felt rejected and felt like, oh, I can't go back to life anymore because I'm disabled now. But the fact that they accommodated me, the fact that they, you know, moved things around for me, etc., it was all part of the validation and it was all part of the rebuild that I needed. And now, yeah, a year later I've been there a year now, back since the stroke, and I'm not leaving anytime soon.

Speaker 1 19:13

I love that story. Uh, and shout out to you know, employers like Next who actively encourage DEI, so diversity, equity, and inclusion. They probably don't or they do realize how life-giving that is to people who have experienced a physical trauma and depend on that social network in the office to carry on working and living sort of like anything close to a normal life? So during lockdown, you and your husband started the clothing brand called Tiribhoo, which means we are good in Shona. How did the process of building a brand rooted in resilience, unity, and positive reinforcement become part of your own healing journey?

Speaker 20:03

Honestly, I think the way you phrased that question was so perfect that I said it to you before this podcast that the questions you've asked me were so deep because I hadn't thought about it, even though me and my husband have spoken about it. But one thing I know for sure, that part right there is God. Yeah. Because I have no words in the leader for how me and my husband started a brand to deal with positivity before we went through this. I don't even know. You know, when me and my husband started this brand, we both were intentional about being married when we first started dating. And obviously, because we met in lockdown, we couldn't go on typical dates as people would, couldn't go to restaurants, couldn't go out because it was it was all closed. So we've decided to start something together and see how we could work together. That was our idea at the time. It was like, okay, let's start this project. Um, let's see if we can work together. If we argue and we fight too much, we might not be able to get married. But um, if we can make it through and you know, we can we can harmonize and we can compromise and we can coordinate, we we might be onto something. And so we literally started this brand about three, four months after becoming boyfriend and girlfriend. And he came up with the name because we were like, okay, so what brand are we gonna start? It's lockdown. What exactly are we gonna do? And then we both spoke about it. We're both quite positive people anyway. So we were like, let's just start a brand that encourages people to just stay positive and we're gonna come out of COVID. Let's just start something, okay? What are we gonna call it? We didn't have a name, we didn't have anything. And then he came up with Tiribhoo, um, because he speaks Shall a lot a lot better than me. So he came up with Tiribhoo and I ran with it. And I was like, okay, cool, yeah. Sounds catchy, it's unique. No one else has got something called Tiribhoo, nobody would know. But then I was like, oh, well, we need to we need to make it a bit English, because obviously no one's gonna understand what Tiribhoo means. So we're gonna have to think of something else so that people can understand what we're saying. And then I came up with the we move, and I was like, well, Tiribhoo and we move is kind of kind of the same thing because we move is like quite a common term that a lot of people use. But actually, in reality, most people use it when they're saying, you know, something bad's happened, but we move. That's how people use that term. So I was like, okay, it's kind of the same thing as Tiribhoo. So let's let's incorporate the two names. Let's have Tiribhoo we move. And then we started it. We built it online using Shopify, which has all the AI tools behind it. So we didn't have to do much ourselves. And then, you know, he had friends that did the logo for us. And you know, it was literally from the ground up. And we started building the website. And we didn't know that time where it was going. We just had family friends buy it, word of mouth spread, and people started buying it through word of mouth. As lockdown started to ease, we started appearing at festivals and just pitching up a store. We had no idea what we were doing, but we would pitch up a stall and you know sell a couple of hoodies and stuff. And yeah, it was at the time it just seemed like, okay, this is a cool hobby. And obviously, because a lot of people in the Zimbabwean community knew what Tiribhoo meant, they were very much like, oh, this is amazing. What's this brand? And people started really talking about it. But when I say it's God, it's the fact that that brand actually in reality meant nothing until the stroke happened. Because the message was there and 100% we were spreading the positivity. But the deepness of that message meant nothing until the stroke happened. And then it became everything. Because we had to live that. We had to live to report. We had to be good in that situation. We had to keep it moving. And so when I say that it was God that planted the seed of that brand, it was God. It was never our idea. We never stopped our jobs. We were both still working full-time. Tiribhoo was literally a side hustle. It's never made us any money to any great extent. And so that's when I know that it was God. It was God saying, This is going to be you and Ashley's brand. You're going to live this, you're going to embody this. And you know, it was God saying that you're not going to go out there and sell hoodies and t-shirts with a message that you're not embodying. And so straight away, Tiribhoo became everything. Because as we were going through the stroke journey, and as we were still sometimes posting content here and there of our brand, it was almost speaking to me. You know, it was resonating to me, you know, when I was reading it, and I was like, Yeah, Tiribhoo, it means we're good. It means we're good. It means we have to be good. We keep it moving. And I kept on saying it to myself. Um, you know, and when I'd wear a hoodie, you know, when I would go out to different places and wear the hoodie, I knew that I was wearing the hoodie and I knew what it meant. And when people would ask me, oh, what does that mean? I would have to say it. So, you know, it was almost like no matter what angle I was coming from, people were talking about this brand. And then I would have a reason to say, oh, it means this. And it means this because we believe this and we've been through this. And so now I could start finding an avenue to talk about the stroke, but to twist it into a positive light. Because one thing I've always said is I don't want people to feel sorry for me. You know, this stroke to me was a blessing. You know, my life has been so different since it. Um, my understanding of my purpose and my reason why God put me here um has been made so much more clearer. And so what I didn't want people to do is like ask me what's wrong with me when they see me, and then I say I've had a stroke, and then they go, Oh, I didn't want that reaction at all. And so to the ball was a good way of like flipping it, of like flipping the positive side of it and then dropping the fact that we have a brand. Because that is what we believe that you have to stay viciously positive through any situation. I do believe my husband is a lot more positive than me, and so he definitely embodies it more than me, and he carries that positive attitude due to his own personal life experiences. But I think the two of us together have become that epitome of positivity, and to report now, we live it. Um, as much as it's a brand and a clothing brand, it's our life, it's how we live every day in anything.

Speaker 1 25:26

So prophetic, Tiribhoo. That brand. It's just amazing how, and and yes, you said it's God. I believe that too, because you created the brand before your crisis, before your stroke, and now you're living it. It's constantly there, and it has such a great meaning, very powerful. That story is so beautiful.

Speaker 25:47

It's it's it's I'm still getting to terms with it if I'm honest. I'm still, I'm still coming to the terms with the fact that this is this was always God's plan, and this is how everything is planning out. Because sometimes it doesn't matter how long you've been a Christian, God still does things that just amaze you, even though you know he's amazing, but he still does things that you're like, wow, God, really? For me, that's what you're doing? And I think the Tiribhoo is one of the biggest things because it doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense how that brand was started before this happened. Um, but it can only make sense that God knew that it was gonna happen, which is why I say I don't want anybody to feel sorry for me, because God knew that I had to go through all of this path and this step to be where I am now, to even have the confidence to talk to you about it. Because if I hadn't gone through what I'd gone through, then I probably would have not been able to talk about things with this much passion or even talk about Tiribhoo with much passion. I would have just been like, oh yeah, we've got a clothing brand, and yeah, we're socceries, and yeah. And it would have probably ended there because I would have had no substance. But God put me through my struggle for me to have substance, and so I don't ever want anybody to feel sorry for me because this this is how life was always going to be, and I couldn't have changed it and all made any other plans for it to be different. It's it's going perfectly as far as I'm concerned.

Speaker 1 27:06

Yeah, I'm sure we don't feel sorry for you, Sheila. So after navigating such a private battle, you made the very public decision to become a stroke ambassador. What was that moment you knew you had to turn your personal pain into a public platform to help others?

Speaker 27:26

I think for me it's when I realized that I had been given healing. And I think for me, as I said, it's when I started meeting other survivors. And so, in terms of becoming the ambassador, I was approached to do it when I went to the first ever event, four different strokes, who I'm an ambassador for last year. So it was when I turned up to that event. Again, God just gave me the strength. I just randomly went. The ad came up on Facebook and I saw it, and I was like, oh, I'll go to this. I don't know what it is. And I literally turned up at a building in Birmingham, didn't know what I was doing, where I was going, didn't go with my husband. It was one of the first times I went by myself, and I didn't know what I was walking into. And in that moment of walking in that room, that nervousness, you know, I've got my I've got my stick, those days I still couldn't really walk properly. I felt peace. And I walked into that room and I sat down at the back of the room, and the speaker who was giving a speech at the time was talking about herself having stroke in pregnancy. And that was one of the things that I was so anxious about, like so anxious about, that I was like, wow God, how can the first speaker that I walk in and hear from is somebody who's had who's had a stroke in pregnancy? She was there with her daughter who she'd had during the during the stroke. Her daughter was now 18 years old. And I was like, wow, so people live after this for many years and have a normal life. But because I had also met people on that day and and after who hadn't recovered to that extent, who hadn't whose speech hadn't come back, whose mobility was heavily still affected. I knew that there's no way that God would have given me this healing if it wasn't for a reason. And so I knew that it would be selfish of me to not speak up and be an ambassador when I've actually had the healing. Um, I might not be fully healed, I might still have issues, but I've definitely healed a lot more than I would have I probably could have anticipated would have been the case a few months back. So it was that sense of purpose. I felt compelled. Yeah, you know, I felt compelled that I have to say something. And obviously, when different strokes approached me and said we want you to specifically target the black and Asian community, because that's a that's an area that we know has more strokes than than the white community, but we don't really have representation in terms of people speaking about it. I couldn't say no to them. Um, and so it wasn't even that I applied, it's because they asked me. And I said, Well, God, why would they ask me on the first day that I've turned up to their event? They don't know me from anybody, why would they choose me? And so I'm I'm a believer that sometimes saying an obedient yes, even when you don't know what you're doing or what you're saying yes to, is important because you don't know where it's going, you don't know the reason why you've been put in that room, you don't know the reason why you've been asked that question, and it's all for a greater plan. Um, and so I often have a characteristic where I say yes, sometimes maybe to too many things, and which I'm learning to balance, but I let God then lead me to the fact that that's the right yes. And that's what I did at the time when they asked me. I literally said yes. I didn't know what they wanted me to do or what it was going to be about. But last week we actually had the first call with all the other ambassadors. There's five of us actually who are going to be specifically ambassadors for the black and Asian community. So there's another black lady and three Asian girls, and you know, those women are phenomenal. The work that we are planning to do is going to be amazing. And that's when I knew that okay, God, I said the right yes. Thank you. Thank you for validating me. So I'm a believer that sometimes when you go somewhere or you're in a situation and someone presents themselves to you and asks you to do something, say yes, give it time to sink in. And you know, if you're a person of faith, God will align it if it's the right thing, or if it's not the right thing, He will remove it. But the important thing is actually to just say yes. Because sometimes I think we're always quick to just be like, oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, never me. Oh, I can never maybe be. Oh no, you know, you don't want me. And yet actually it's you who they're asking for, it's exactly you. And so that's how that's how I got into the position. And yeah, I'm now looking forward to it. In November, for the first time, they're asking me to come and speak at a conference in Aberdeen, they're flying me out, all flights paid, me and my husband. Uh this could only be God, you know, me and my husband to go to speak at a stroke forum, which is specifically targeted at healthcare professionals. So actually, the audience and the target audience is doctors, nurses, consultants, all those people. And they want me to speak there as a survivor about, you know, the good and the bad and the ugly about my experience. Uh, and so who would have thought that I would have been in a room in front of 2,000 people talking about my stroke and my journey? But obviously, God knew. And that was just because I said yes. Um, so I'm a believer that sometimes it's good to just say yes and then let God let the rest plan out. And if it's going to be for you, and if it was his plan, it will make sense in time.

Speaker 1 32:08

Yes. Um, you know, you mentioned the word alignment and obedience, and you did both. That's why you showed up at that conference, and that's why you got this opportunity. And it's great, it's very encouraging. You are specifically a BAS ambassador, so that's uh black and Asian stroke survivor. Why is it important for you to be a voice of that specific community? And what is the one thing you want people to understand about the unique risks and realities they face?

Speaker 32:40

Yeah, so obviously I've touched on the health side of things in terms of the statistics, which is that more black and Asian people are prone to strokes and have strokes. And so that is important for me to raise that awareness that, you know, as much as people think this is a distant thing within our communities, it's not that far away. The second point is obviously the age that has happened to me. And I do believe that a part of that was yes, my health, and it's been it's been identified that my my high blood pressure which caused it is hereditary. And so again, I'm trying to raise awareness for people to check things like you know, high blood pressure and genetic possibilities of having high blood pressure because of family history, things to do with stuff like diabetes as well. Not that it causes a stroke, but in general, I think sometimes in the Black and Asian community, we don't take our health conditions seriously. We brush them off, we just think, oh, well, you know, I can live with that, or it's not that serious until it's serious. And I do believe that, you know, had I taken my own personal stroke more seriously in terms of my high blood pressure, I probably could have avoided having the stroke. But it was just that complacent attitude of, you know, I'm fine, I feel fine within myself. And I think that's something that I'm very passionate about, spreading the message about the importance of checking up on your health. And in particular with the black and Asian community, a separate factor in terms of um genetic side, it's our lifestyles. And one thing I know for myself is that it's good to have your fingers in many pots, it's good to work hard, but sometimes we work too hard, and that can be to our detriment. And sometimes we need somebody to tell us it's okay to rest. And I'm that person now that has come to tell people it's it's okay to rest. Because if you don't want to rest, and if you want to keep going 100 miles per hour, doing 100 miles, 101 things, you will end up like me. You will end up having a stroke and being paralyzed because you don't want to rest. And you know, I've learned that the body will shut down if you don't learn how to shut it down yourself, it will shut down. And as much as I'm a positive person, I'm a believer that I never felt the stress that probably was happening internally because I didn't feel it. And I would get along with things, and I'd be going, you know, going to my job and going here and going there, and you know, not necessarily feeling stressed, but because I wasn't always checking my blood pressure as regularly, and you know, I was being a bit complacent, there were things that were happening inside my body that my body was trying to tell me and I was ignoring. And since I've had my stroke, I've never had a headache, so I know for sure having headaches are not normal. And people are just, oh, I've got a headache, oh, I'm just gonna take a migraine tablet. It's not normal, it's not normal to have headaches all the time. And these are symptoms and signs that your body is telling you you just need to rest. And so for me, now that's one of the things that I'm so passionate about in terms of the work that I'm doing with the Bash Project, is really empowering people from the Black and Asian community that it's it's okay to rest. Because we've grown up on this hustle culture, we've grown up on this belief that we have to be doing so many things to make it, quote unquote. We have to work twice as hard as our counterparts. You know, we that's how we've been raised. But to some extent, that is detrimental to our well-being. Because, you know, when it's a day where you should just sit down and you know, have a cup of coffee and read a book and just lay on your sofa, you're thinking about doing 101 things. And actually, you're not allowing your body that time to just be. And so I think, especially for the black and Asian community, that's a message that different strokes really want me to push out on is you know, what are the specific things that affect our communities? And that idea of not resting um is I think one of the major biggest factors that affect our health in different ways. We just need to understand that it's important to allow your body to recuperate and find itself. And now I do that so much more after the stroke. Now, you know, me and my husband travel a lot, you know, I go acaerics, I do all these things because I'm conscious about the fact that I have to do them for my body to just have me time, and that's something that I didn't actually do that well before. I don't think I gave myself time sometimes. I just used to just keep going, and now I'm really consciously trying to factor in rest. If I have to put it in my calendar, that these hours is rest. I do that now because I know the importance, and so I want people to see me and see me as an example of what not to do if you if you don't want to end up in my position, you know, you have to rest.

Speaker 1 37:04

Yeah, as so many people, I think we're in a culture of burnout. A lot of people are working so hard, they don't realize it, they don't listen to their bodies, we're not reading our numbers, and boom, you know, the body just shuts down. So, how has your experience as a lawyer and a magistrate, someone whose life was dedicated to understanding rules, evidence, and justice, informed the way you now advocate for health awareness and patient support?

Speaker 37:33

Yes, I think being a lawyer and a magistrate, one thing that's allowed me to do is experience different opinions from so many different walks of life and different people. And so it's helping me to target my message according to the audience, uh, which is something that you know you have to do in the courts because different people walk into courtrooms, and that profession has really helped me to understand different personalities, um, how to target different personalities. You know, I've spoken to so many different people since my stroke, um, sharing this message that I was that I was just saying to you about resting, but I realised I have to change the way I say it depending on who I'm talking to. Some people have to be a bit more aggressive because I can see that they're not really hearing it or they're being defensive. Some people are come with a soft approach, you know. And so I've I've my job has helped me uh in terms of my interpersonal skills to know how I'm going to, you know, change my message to the audience and know how I'm going to be effective in the way I'm communicating what I'm trying to say. In terms of my cognitive function, my job again was a major validation moment for me when I was able to go back to work because that's the one thing I was so scared of was not being able to remember case law or not being able to do my job essentially. And so I had to have quite intense cognitive tests when I was in hospital just to see if my cognitive function was working. There were tests that I felt were a bit patronizing because it was stuff like here's numbers one to ten, add them up and put them in a line, and all this really basic stuff that I thought, really? How's this gonna help me be a lawyer again? But you know, in hindsight, I respect the medical profession, and I know the reason why they do things because I know why they did those tests now, and it really makes sense because they're just trying to jog your memory, your long term and your short term, how effective is it, etc. And it didn't feel like it at the time, but you know, it that was part of again the fundamental treatment that I had that meant that I could go back into my job, and so I think my job gives me a lot of confidence because obviously I'm in court before different judges, um, sometimes judges who I've never met before, and you know, personalities are different, so I have to learn to adapt to the room and adapt to that judge. And so it's really allowed me to be more confident in the way that I communicate. Um, and therefore, you know, it means that when I'm going out and when I'm being asked for different engagements, I'm less likely to shy away and say no, because within my job, anything can happen on any particular day, and I've been able to manage and cope and handle it. And so, yeah, that's why I'm here with you on this podcast because you asked me, and I said yes. Uh, and so I'm a believer now that with that confidence, I just say yes to everything because you know, the one area that I actually was the most scared about, I've gone back to it perfectly fine. Part of my testimony, I always forget this part of my testimony, and it's actually quite important, is that I was actually promoted in my job when I was in hospital. I had applied for promotion um in January of 23, and I didn't get it, and I was put onto a reserve list. And they told me that I had now had the position when I was in hospital on the second week. And I remember absolutely breaking down in tears and calling my manager and saying, I can't believe it, I've been promoted. What am I gonna do? etc. etc. And she said, Sheila, you went through that job for a fair and open competition. The job is yours. You accept it and we'll figure it out when you get back. You accept that job. And so it was the most weirdest thing coming back to work on a phase return, knowing that I was only gonna be there for a few weeks and I'm going into a new role. Um, but again, like I say, when I got into it and I was supported, and then I realized that no, I'm I'm actually fine. I'm I'm perfectly fine in court. Um, you know, I still remember everything, I still remember the case law, I still remember, you know, um my arguments and stuff like that. It just gave me more confidence. It just validated me and it made me realize that I can do this. Uh, and so that's the attitude that I'm taking with me in terms of everything, because that's a job that I've been in for 10 years. So that's kind of like my safety net. And so if I can go back to that and I'm and I'm still just as good at it, then I'm willing to take on the challenge for anything else. And that's that's the way I've seen things now in terms of taking on the ambassador role, in terms of, you know, public speaking, engaging in different podcasts. It's just the fact that, well, you know, I can do it because I've been able to do the things that I was scared that I couldn't do. So now it's time to challenge myself.

Speaker 1 41:47

You know, it says a lot when you're in hospital and your organization still feel that you are worthy of a promotion. It says a lot about you, your spirit as well. And it shows that you have the skill set. And being a lawyer, you're combining your rule-based methodology and the way you speak to people and advising them on health issues and being able to ascertain which one should I apply a bit of force and which one should I scale back a bit when I'm giving them advice? In your summary, you say you wear many professional hats. How has your definition of a successful and fulfilling life changed? What does it mean to you now to be a whole person beyond any single title?

Speaker 42:35

Yes, that is such a good question. Purpose is so important. Knowing why you are doing something is so important. And people talk about it and it gets cliche because people take it for granted. But honestly speaking, when you are just getting up and going to a job to make money, to spend money, to make more money, to spend more money, to make more money, there comes a point where that's not fulfilling anymore. And there comes a point where that's not enough anymore. Uh, and I think for me, the realization in the years post-stroke, even from when I decided that I was gonna start speaking about it a bit more, the realization of the purpose and the passion that I have for certain things, it's almost like a light bulb moment. So, you know, I've got the passion now for raising awareness because I've had my healing and I believe that I'm a good voice to raise awareness about strokes. I've got my passion now within the magistrates. I'm now engaged in going into universities and encouraging people to apply to become magistrates because people don't realize that they can be magistrates. That's a passion that I didn't know was dormant in me, but my purpose became ignited after the stroke. Similar with my job, you know, I have the passion now to understand different areas of how the system works for me to understand why things are happening in a certain way. Before I just used to just go to court and come home and live my life, but now I'm actually more inquisitive about why, the why of why things happen. And I think for me, that's Worth more than any wage because when you realize that you have a passion for something and you have a purpose to find out a why and you have a reason why you're going to that job, it changes how you feel in the morning when you wake up for that job, you know. So I don't wake up for work dreading it, or I don't wake up for work feeling like, oh, I can't be bothered today. You know, I wake up to every day feeling like, oh, well, what today's got in store. And being able to have that autonomy as well over my life is so important because I plan my life very meticulously because of all these different things that I'm involved in. I have to literally know by the minute where I am, what I've said yes to, you know, where I'm going to be, where I am for my main job and what other time I have. So I plan a lot of things very meticulously. But I also do things with purpose. Whereas before I just used to just say yes for no reason, more for monetary gain. But you know, money will never be enough. And I think sometimes in life we have to really be honest with ourselves that, you know, how much money do you want? You know, sometimes you can keep on working, working, working. But the things that you're working for, you actually could afford them right now with what you have. And so I remember having that light bulb moment after my stroke, me and my husband were talking. And we were like, you know what? We were just like working all these jobs because we wanted to go on holiday no more. But we could actually go on holiday with the money that we have. Why don't we just do it? Why don't we actually do what it is that we keep on saying we're working hard for? We have stability, we have a house and stuff like that. Why are we constantly working and not doing the very thing that we're working hard for? And so we flip the script. We started traveling post-stroke. You know, we've been away 13 times now in the last two years, just because we just said if that's what we want to do and that's what's giving us joy in this moment, we're going to work and we'll put the money directly to that. And I think often the problem that we have as human beings is that the thing that we think that we're working for, we can actually afford it, but we keep working saying I'm trying to get that thing. But actually, you can actually afford that thing. You just keep working extra hard, probably spending your money and lots of other things that you don't need. And yet if you channeled all your energy to say, I'm gonna save, you know, 250 pounds a month every month because I know I'm going to that big holiday, and you know, I'll forgo the takeaways, I'll forgo going to buy that extra dress, I'll forgo everything else because my mind is focused on that holiday, then you'll actually go on that holiday and then you won't have to work an extra shift to afford the holiday because you haven't bought the extra dress that you didn't need. Uh and so it's it's that rechanging of the mindset that you know, the things that you want in life, you sometimes don't have to work extra hard for them. You actually can get them already with what's already in your hand. You are just trying to attain more because you know, sometimes as humans, we just keep on acquiring more, and more is never enough, and you know, one dress is never one dress too many. Um and we and it's a cycle that doesn't end, and it's the cycle that ends up getting you into the the the non-rest, all of that, because you keep on thinking you're trying to attain something that actually you have in your hands already. And so for me now, I'm very intentional in a moment. If I know I want to do something, I just tell myself, okay, what do I need to do? How much do I need to do it? Have I got enough this month? Okay, what am I gonna sacrifice this month so that I get that thing? And then I let that desire go because what I've also noticed is that as humans, our desires sometimes are very temporary, or maybe I'll speak for myself, but my desires are very temporary. So one minute I can be like, oh, I want to get this weave, it looks really good. Probably a month later, I don't care about it anymore. Oh, I want to get this, it looks really good. Oh, that looks really good. And then I realize that once I've got it, I actually don't care about it as much as I thought I did. And so I'm very aware of the things that I'm like impulsively buying or addicted to, and I try to shift my attention away from those things and more onto what I know I definitely want to do. And if I have the resources to do what I know I definitely want to do, it means I won't be affected by all the other things. You know, even if someone goes and buys the latest handbag, it's not gonna make me feel jealous because I've done what I want to do, I've gone on that holiday. And so that's how I live my life now is that whenever I say I want to do something, I do it. I don't wait for permission, I don't try to overcalculate and then I will say, okay, we're doing it because I want to do it. Whether it's a stupid decision or not, we'll see that later. But at least let me say I've done it. Because sometimes waiting for somebody else's opinion, it's gonna leave me with curious curiosity, and then I'm still gonna not do it, and I'm going around in circles, and time is moving while I've not done that thing. So I'm a believer that you know, just do it, you know, whatever it is that you want to do, just do it, and then you can figure out the rest later.

Speaker 1 48:18

Yeah, I totally agree with you. Um it's about understanding your purpose, it's about living intentionally and prioritizing the things that you like and knowing those things that can wait. It's also about putting yourself first and rest. So finally, your story is a powerful testament to finding strength through life's battles. For the woman listening right now, who is in the middle of her own fight, be it her health or career or confidence, what is the one piece of wisdom that you want to leave her with today?

Speaker 49:00

I want to tell that woman that you are enough and you need to believe that you're enough. I also want to say that it's okay to talk about whatever it is that you're going through with somebody who you trust. Uh, if you don't have anybody who you trust, it's also okay to go to therapy. I've done talking therapies. I finished it in June this year, actually. Um, and I self-referred after having an assessment with occupational health. I self-referred to talking therapies, and it was 12 sessions, but it changed my life. We dealt with so many things about my upbringing, about so many things outside of even just the stroke, but we dealt with so many things about why I think certain ways, why I'm over worrying about certain things. And so I would say to that woman, find someone to talk to. If you don't have anybody that you think you can talk to who can understand, therapy is there for you. Um, because I think we need to heal sometimes from our minds and heal from the our thought processes and why we think a certain way. And sometimes a lot of the things that are hindering us is what's going on up there. Um, it's not actually real in the outside world what you think, it's all happening in your mind, and you need to find an outlet where you can let what's going on in your mind come out so that you can see the next day, and so that you can see the future. Uh, and so I would advise everybody, but yeah, especially women, be kind to yourself, tell yourself that you're enough, and have a trusted friend or family member who you can use as an outlet to just talk about the things that are making you insecure inside. It's it's not a weakness, it's not a sign of weakness to say, today I feel like this or today I feel like that. I've had to say that, and I had to learn to do that, um, especially with my husband, because you know, he wouldn't know what was going on in my mind sometimes. And I would have to really battle to say, okay, you know, I'm feeling really crap today, I'm feeling like this, and then he would validate me and say, No, babe, it's fine, it's okay, rest or whatever. But sometimes we are always trying to be so strong, and we're always trying to hold in everything, and we're always trying to prove that we're okay, but it's okay to not be okay. Um, speak about it, open up about it, and from different opinions and people helping you through, you will see that there is light at the end of the tunnel through whatever situation it is that you're going through. Just talk. You're not the only one going through something. It's okay to not be okay.

Speaker 1 51:24

Absolutely. Any woman listening, I think that's really sound advice coming from Sheila. Talk about it, find someone to talk to, let it all out. Let's even understand what the real problem is. Is it our minds or is it our bodies? Sheila, I'd like to say this has been a very profound episode. I really felt so much coming from you that indicates your story, your journey, and how you've changed it. You've come from a place of pain into purpose and how you're now living that purpose today. So thank you once again for joining us today.

Speaker 52:04

Yeah, thank you. Honestly, I'm honoured to be here, and this is a major part of my journey in terms of the depth of the questions that you asked. You know, they've got me reflecting. I'm gonna keep the questions and keep asking them back to myself as time goes on because honestly, you I can tell that you really took a lot of time and thought into reading out about me before you came on, and I really appreciate that, and I really hope um that people really listen to your podcast, that I've listened to other episodes, they're amazing, and you know, and just God bless you in the platform that you've started.

Speaker 1 52:34

Oh, thank you so much, Sheila. Thank you. Wow, I'm still, you know, reeling from Sheila's um discussion here. It's so profound. So, listeners, listen. Our health is our wealth. Life is good when you put your health needs first. It's important, yes, to have money, it's important to have things, but of what use are they if you're not checking your blood pressure, if you're not finding rest, and you're not even worrying about your mental health. Sheila reminds us that we should focus on important things like your family, your friends, your well-being. So it's a new year, guys, 2026. Make a vow to yourself, to look after yourself, be well. I'd like to thank you all once again for listening in to the We Win podcast. And I hope you have a healthy, wonderful year. Bye.