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W.E W.I.N Podcast
EP. 29 Leading from the Inside Out: Rev. Dr. Ruth Conlon on the Authentic Self and Caring for the Caregivers
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Rev. Dr. Ruth Conlon encourages people to lead from the 'Inside Out'. In an age of personal branding, she helps high-level leaders identify the early warning signs that their 'Inside' is beginning to collapse, even if their 'Outside' looks successful. We discuss the journey toward the 'Authentic Self', how to peel off the 'False Self' we create to survive corporate environments, and whether it is dangerous to be authentic in a world that rewards performance. We also discuss what corporate CEOs can learn about 'endurance' from marginalized communities, and how to redefine the heavy word 'Holiness' into something closer to 'Wholeness' for the modern, fragmented person.
Hello everyone and welcome to the We Win podcast, powered by Accelerate Her Africa in partnership with the Human Pattern Institute. It's so great to have you here with us today. I am your host, Lolita Edgeford. In a world that celebrates doing, my next guest has spent over two decades championing something far more than countercultural. The art of being. Being still. Being intentional. Being rooted in God before you attempt to lead someone else. She is an ordained minister, a senior accredited pastoral supervisor, a spiritual director, a leadership coach, a lecturer, an author, and a retreat director. But beneath every title is one unwavering conviction that lasting leadership flows from the inside out. With a doctorate in ministry currently underway, which focuses on spiritual formation and holiness, she brings both academic rigor and pastoral warmth to every space she enters. She is the founder and principal of the Institute of Biblical Holiness and has journeyed with individuals, leaders, churches, and global missions across 23 years. Her devotion to Christ, to prayer, and to authentic Christianity is by all accounts contagious. Her voice is one we deeply need to hear. It is a true honor to welcome to the We Win Podcast Dr. Reverend Ruth Conan. Hi, Ruth.
SPEAKER_01I'm very fine. It's lovely to be here.
SPEAKER_00Awesome. So, Ruth, your biography centers on a very specific phrase, encouraging people to lead from the inside out. We live in the age of Instagram and personal branding, which trains us to do the exact opposite, to create a perfect outside regardless of what is happening inside. As someone who works with high-level leaders, what are the early warning signs that a person's inside is beginning to collapse, even if their outside looks successful?
SPEAKER_01I love that question. I mean, one of the things that I think a person's inside is visually collapsing is one thing to say is that it's really dramatic. It's quite subtle. You know, it's the erosion of capacity, also the erosion of joy. And one of the early signs is kind of emotional narrowing. A leader who used to feel a wide range of emotions starts living in two gears: irritation, I'm irritated, or I'm exhausted. Everything becomes urgent, everything feels like it's a threat. And even good news feels like, you know, oh, this is something else, just another thing. You know, and sometimes you can often see which we're seeing in different aspects of leadership is actual moral fatigue. You know, instead of saying what is right, they start saying what will work. And it's not that they become evil, it's that their inner compass is getting tired, and they begin to tolerate small compromises because they're trying to keep the machine running. And you could also see sometimes, you know, relational withdrawal, they become harder to reach, not because they're busy, but because closeness is, you know, it feels like exposure. Maybe people will see that I'm I'm falling apart, they stop being known and they become like a brand rather than a person, you know. And then one of the things I always say to leaders is to follow their bodies because the body always tells you the truth first. Sleep becomes fractured, appetites shift, you either eat too much or eat less, or your jaws can clench, you headaches increase, and stress definitely sits on the chest. So their body starts carrying the cost of their image. And I think finally, one of the biggest signs is that they lose their ability to be present. You know, they can perform, but they can't inhabit their own life. You know, they're successful but absent. And inside out leadership begins with the courage to notice the absence and arcs, what have I been surviving? Where have I been surviving, and what have I actually been calling success?
SPEAKER_00I love everything you said, but the key thing that stuck with me is that the body leaks, it tells the truth even without you realizing it, because you're keeping up these airs and graces which are not really your true authentic self, and so the mask starts to slip, and then you project this negativity to others who mirror that behavior, and you're all stuck within the same toxicity.
SPEAKER_01Yes, yes. I love that you said that because I mean I've been I've been speaking to obviously my life is speaking to leaders, you know, and I was speaking to a leader recently, and one of the things that was really heavy on him is that joy had gone. And I think we really don't value that simplicity of joy, you know, and and joy is actually the essence of life. We should be able to enjoy what we're doing, you know, we should be able to have aspects of joy, and I think in leadership as well, when you're looking at it from leading from the inside out, one of the things that I'm trying to get people back to is let's be like children and play again.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Where's our where's the hobbies? What are the hobbies that you do beyond work? What are the things that make you come alive?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, absolutely. I agree with you there. We lose our inner childhood or our childlike behavior. You run the Institute of Biblical Holiness. Now, for the secular listener, the word holiness often sounds heavy. It sounds like moral perfectionism or judgment. But that word can mean something different, something closer to wholeness or integrity. How do you define holiness for the modern person who feels fragmented and pulled in a million directions?
SPEAKER_01Okay, I'm gonna start from the biblical process and then I'm gonna take it into the secular because I think people often, when they think about holiness, they think it's primarily behavior modification. But it's actually about transformation through relationship. It's not about okay, how can I be a better person? Because often people will be like, I've keep on trying and it's just getting worse. You know, so in the Christian sense of holiness is what happens when we behold God, when we spend that time, that quiet time, and it's not it's not having loads of words or being great, just even just being in the stillness of beholding him. And it's as we behold him, scripture says that we are being transformed as we gaze upon him. So that shows you that actually holiness is not something that I am doing, it's something and somebody I am becoming. And that language matters so deeply to me because just as you take the attributes of people you spend time with, there's one of my American friends, and she's like, No, and now I get myself and I've got the her actual no, everything, the the the way I say it, the way I twist my head with it. Why? Because I'm becoming. So um, you know, we take on the attributes of people that we spend time with, and that's true with spirituality. So as we spend time with God in prayer, in silence, in scripture, in honest presence, I begin to take on his nature. So holiness isn't about what I'm doing, it's who I am becoming. It's Christ's likeness emerging over time. It's very slow, but it's character shaping, the shaping of character where love becomes more natural, humility is deepened, truth becomes easier to live, and integrity becomes less of an effort because it is flowing from within, it's flowing from this divine relationship. So that's why holiness for me is deeply relational. It's not about striving upwards, it is staying near, it is remaining in his presence long enough to be changed. Now, when I personally translate that into a more secular framework, because many people that I work with are just normal businessmen and women who want to do a good job and bring about transformation. And I often describe holiness as wholeness. You know, many people are feel fragmented today. They have multiple selves, you know, the professional self, where they have that mask, the private self, the online self, the survival self, and the you know, the mother, the father that I am, the relationships that we hold, and they feel internally divided and fragmented. And in that context, holiness becomes that healing of fragmentation. It's the integrity in a literal sense, integration, becoming one person again. And it's the process of bringing the inner life into alignment with the outer life, you know, that that true self, removing more of that false self and becoming true to who we are. So you're no longer performing versions of yourself depending on the environment that you encounter. There is a coherence that happens, you know, and so from a secular perspective, it looks like the deep inner work, the emotional awareness, the honest self-reflection, the healing of old wounds, and aligning values with behavior, learning to live truthfully rather than performing and coming into a character that actually is not authentic to that true self. So interestingly, whether someone approaches it spiritually or psychologically, the journey often looks similar. Slowing down enough to become aware, um, letting go of the false identities and learning to live from a centered place rather than a frag fragmentation or fear. So for Christians, holiness is becoming like Christ through relationship. For those outside faith language, it's the movement towards integration, towards becoming fully human, fully aligned, and fully present. So in both cases, the goal is the same, not perfection, but transformation into a life that is whole, grounded, and true.
SPEAKER_00Oh wow, Ruth, um, that explanation just gave me hope because a lot of people think that holiness is something to strive for. You keep working towards it and you're not getting there. So even as a Christian, we think you know, holiness is if you're not holy, you know, you're you're not a Christian, but it's attainable for everyone. So for Christians, it's becoming Christ-like. And then for non-Christians, it's about becoming whole.
SPEAKER_01Yes, yes. I think some of the questions that they need to start asking themselves, especially for people that are fragmented, is I don't start with rules. They need to say, no, this is not about rules. Because when it's rules is in front, it makes that like it's it's not relational. You're not even being relational with yourself. We start with questions like, you know, where have I been divided? Where have I been pretending? Where have I lived beyond my limits? Or where am I living without God in the center? So when we look at it in practice, it looks like alignment, alignment with your values, your habits, your relationships, your work, your body, your prayer, and coming back into harmony. It's not heaviness, it should bring you to that place of freedom and peace.
SPEAKER_00You talk about the journey towards the authentic self. In psychology, we talk about the false self we create to survive childhood or corporate environments. How does a grown adult actually begin to peel off that mask without blowing up their life? Is it dangerous to be authentic in a world that rewards performance?
SPEAKER_01Wow, this is so good. You know, and and yes, authenticity can feel dangerous because most of us have learned early that being our true self had consequences, you know. So this false self isn't just fake, it's often a survival strategy. So when you think about someone peeling off the mask as an adult, it doesn't mean that you burn your whole life down, it means you stop making radical choices from emotional heats and you start making truthful um changes with wisdom. So I usually say the best thing to do is start small, but start real. You know, begin with honest naming. This is what I actually feel, and this is what I actually need. It's so so many times I'm seeing people that are living from a place of fear. So I'm fearing the opinion of what people are gonna say, so I'm not gonna be true to myself. I'm not gonna be true to my authentic self. So now I'm creating a self that is going to be applauded, but actually I'm not going to be happy within myself. I'm gonna be broken, and this is what they're usually actually afraid of. Most people have never practiced telling the truth to themselves, so they can't tell it to anybody else. So they move to safe disclosure. You don't become authentic by oversharing in unsafe rooms. You choose one trusted relationship, a supervisor, a friend, a therapist, a mentor, where truth is held with care. And it's in places like that that you're able to practice aligned action, one small behavior that matches your truth and boundary. And I mean, I've worked with people who are in leadership, but they sometimes they feel like they're gagged. They can't speak. So that means all of who they are, and the authentic person that they are isn't even coming out, and the world wants authenticity, you know. But being able to practice that, you have to practice that in a safe place. A rest day, a real conversation, saying no without a speech. Authenticity is built by repeated integrity, not one dramatic confession. And it's dangerous to be authentic in a performance world, is it? It is, it can be costly, but it's more dangerous to keep performing until you lose yourself completely. And the goal is not say everything, the goal is live in truth with wisdom, timing, and discernment. And when I look at it, one of the things that I think is quite important, and it was kind of worded in your question, is without destroying your whole life. I've seen people that have had to come at a big crash, and you'll see many stories of how people were very in high successful jobs, and all of a sudden they've bought a farm and they're they're farmers now, or you know, they're out, they're sewing. And you're like, Oh, you but you were this you used to be a CEO of this organization, and now you started a sewing company because they're aligning their authentic self and they've had to lose everything to find out what really mattered.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, um, well, yes, you've said so much there, but the thing that stuck out for me is when you are transforming and you are very much aligned with your authentic self, you will lose your former network, the network that liked your inauthentic self. So I think when people have decided, look, this is who I am. If you like me, stay with me. If you don't like me, that's okay. You know, and then you start to live as yourself is far much more peaceful and rewarding when you accept that this is who you are. Yes.
SPEAKER_01Maybe I don't fit that place. Maybe I never because my false self, that's where my false self was accepted. But my authentic self, you never met her. Here she is.
SPEAKER_00Yes, yes. You are a senior accredited pastoral supervisor. This means you take care of the people who take care of everyone else, so like them missionaries, pastors, leaders. We have many listeners who are professional givers. So we have doctors, founders, HR leaders. They suffer from compassion fatigue. What is the one lie that helpers tell themselves that lead them straight into burnout?
SPEAKER_01Wow, the one lie helpers tell themselves is that I am the exception. You know, they believe the rules of human limitations apply to everybody else but to themselves because people need them, because the mission matters, and because they're strong and they are called. So that lie sounds noble, but it's actually pride dressed up as service. It leads to straight to burnout. The truth, the truth when you look at it, is being needed is not the same as being healthy. And being called is not the same as being limitless. When helpers believe they are the exception, they stop listening to the warning signs. They stop resting until they are forced to. And they treat their bodies like a machine, their emotions like this is just nuisance. It's getting their way, or that even their spirituality is something they can get back to when things calm down. Except, as we know, nothing ever calms down. So I think one of the healthiest things to be able to always know is that you are not the source. You are not the source, you're simply a channel. And channels need cleaning, they need replenishing, they need boundaries. Otherwise, what pours out of you eventually becomes resentments, numbness, and collapse. So burnout isn't always caused by too much work, it's often caused by too little receiving, too little rest, too little joy. This word joy, too little being cared for, too little honest space to be human. And so knowing that I'm not I'm not the savior of the world, I'm simply not the savior of the world.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I call them superheroes. This is superhero syndrome where you feel you need to step in every time, yep. And if I fail to step in, I'm afraid that I will be seen as someone who failed. It's my reputation, my pride. And you mentioned pride, and it just seems like we are thinking of ourselves as being this superhero, which we are not. And you mentioned we are not the source, we are channels, we are meant to be cleaned and maintained, and so that we can also receive so we don't burn out.
SPEAKER_01That's right. And I think another thing that's really important is the fact that we're mirroring these things. One of the things I had to teach myself in leadership is that sometimes we're running to help people and we're becoming God for them. And unless we are discerning to be able to say, God, is this what you want me to do? Not just an autopilot. And sometimes people are burnt out, broken, and abused because they were never called to respond to some things that they would respond to.
SPEAKER_02Wow.
SPEAKER_01They decided that they were going to be the superhero, but no one sent me there. And so it's really important that yes, we should be loving, we should be compassionate, and we should be places that if we've got something, we could be able to be support, but we have to do it in alignment with our discernment and our spirits, our intuition. Is that what I'm supposed to be doing? Or am I calling myself? Because what if you're now stepping into a place that is there? You know, the the good analogy of the butterfly that, you know, the man, you know, was in a cocoon and the man saw the butterfly really struggling to fly, then he got a scissors and cut the cocoon. And this butterfly never flew. Because the muscles, our muscles, our tenacity, our grit is actually birthed in the struggle. So if you now take away that struggle that's supposed to make me grow, I won't even meet my destiny anyway. And then you thought, oh, I was being such a good person to bring transformation. No, we we shouldn't all always think that a difficulty or a struggle is the enemy. Sometimes my greatest growth has been in suffering, has been in the struggle. And yes, I wanted to cry and have people come and help me, but you know what? The help that I didn't get was the muscles that I needed for my next season. So if they had helped me, I wouldn't be able to have the tenacity and the grit that I needed in different seasons of leadership. And so we have to also analyze our own lives and see how sometimes our lack of help has created characters in us that have called us to be who we are.
SPEAKER_00Absolutely. You've mentioned working with marginalized communities and diverse backgrounds. Resilience looks very different when you're leading a grassroot organization with no budget versus a corporate board. What can the corporate CEO learn about endurance from the community leaders you've worked with in the trenches?
SPEAKER_01Yes, I mean I think they can learn three things because when you look at grassroots leaders, you know, you can see that when you look at endurance. At the purest form, because they often don't lead with without applause, without a budget, without predictable outcomes. They don't have the luxury of an abstract strategy, and their leadership is personal, it's embodied, and it's quite costly. So one of the first things I would say that they can learn is endurance is community, not personality. In the trenches, survival is shared. You know, you see so many volunteers, just people with passion with the same cause. People endure because they are held by relationships, by neighbors, by volunteers, by communities, by family networks. In corporate life, leaders often are isolated. And you know, sometimes it's like, yes, this is our strength, but isolation is not strength, it's actually vulnerability. You know, and so another lesson that can also be learned is that endurance comes from meaning, not momentum. You know, grassroots leaders keep going because the work is attached to names and faces. It's not to uh a KPI, it's a child, a mother, a street, a community. You know, purpose creates stamina that money cannot buy. And so it's also looking at not just growth, but meaning, meaning and purpose, and actually that the connecting with other people's pain points, suffering, and being able to walk together in that. And another thing that I love is resourcefulness, you know, and they have resourcefulness, I would say, even as a spiritual discipline, because in in the communities that they support, people don't wait for perfect conditions. They do what they love because it's required and they do it of what they have, you know. There's humility, but there's also creativity and there's teachability. You know, some corporate leaders have the resources but lack the resilience because they've never had to create under pressure without certainty. They've always had it. Oh, I've got that two million pound budget. Well, what happens when you've got no budget and all you just got to keep on knocking on doors and asking people to give you favor? So if a CEO wants um endurance, I'd say don't just build systems, build soul, you know, build communities around you, reconnect your work with meaning and learn to lead with humility, not just power.
SPEAKER_00Wow, that is so profound. Um, I think for me, I took away, you know, it is lonely at the top. So I think I'm hoping that leaders here are still not trying to strive on their own. But I love what you said about meaning, you know, in the grassroots, it's attached to a child, it's attached to a purpose. It's not just a one-stop shop, it's about continuous improvement. And you talked about it's not just about momentum, it's about growing together. You're always moving because you all have a commonality, you have a purpose. So I think when people start to see themselves as part of something else, there can be resilience because we're all working together. So where you're weak, I'm strong, and so on, and we just keep moving. It's really lovely what you just put out there. Thank you. You have a third book coming out called Stillwaters. I want to ask you about the title. We live in cities like Lagos, London, or New York where stillness feels impossible. In fact, many of us are terrified of silence. If we stop moving, we have to start feeling. How do you teach a hyperactive, high-performing person to sit in the silence without panicking?
SPEAKER_01I think this thing that you're saying, Lelita, is just, oh my gosh. I was terrified of stillness. I was even quiet, you know, and I think um stillness terrifies so many high performers because silence removes the numbness. The noise actually numb some of the pain and the anxiety that we're going through. So when you stop moving, you start feeling. And many people have been, you know, outrunning grief, anxiety, loneliness, anger, and even joy, because joy can feel risky too. So I don't throw people into silence like it's a punishment. I train them into it like you train a nervous system. Because I remember coming from the city and I'd gotten on the train, and as you were going into the countryside, you could see sheep, and it was like mentally calming me down. And I remember sitting with two of my friends who loved reading, and they said, Let's sit down in the garden and read a book. And they were silent for such a long time. I was like, What's going on here? It was very uncomfortable for me. And I could see that I was having like withdrawal symptoms. And so I say to people, and and it's important that we start practicing stillness now and silence now, not when we force our nervous systems and we and we have breakdowns or we're burnt out where we're forced, like now we can't even have too much light because we're actually now in trauma. And we can start with small stillnesses, two minutes, not an hour, two minutes of simply noticing our breath, our body, our thoughts, without judgment, without analyzing it. And if someone panics, it's not failure, that's information. It shows that the pace that they've been living at is actually impacting them. Then one of the things that I do, especially in retreats, is help them to have silence as an anchor. You know, some people might read a book that's inspiring them, some people scriptures, but just something simple to say that I'm here, you know, be silent and be like, I'm here, I'm here, and just be able to analyze. You know, when you're still, you're able to feel like wow, I've got a tension headache here. I could feel some weight on my shoulders. And then sometimes I say to people, just close your eyes and just imagine putting them down into a basket, taking them off. And try to normalize activities like that so that they can have an anchor. And sometimes it's just being still, making sure that your feet is grounded on the floor, you know, your hand on your heart, just getting used to that rhythm again. So we also normalize that the mind should be loud, but stillness is not emptying your mind, it's learning not to obey every thought, it's learning to just stay. And then it teaches us stillness is not the absence of life, it's the presence of God. It's the it's where you discover that you are loved without producing anything. You know, and for the hyper-active person, the breakthrough is when they realize I don't have to perform to be held. You know, that's why you know still waters matters because it restores the soul. It actually means that you're able to be peaceful, even you know, simple activities like bird watching, you know, or just simple. It doesn't have to be grand, it just just noticing again, noticing.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I hear you, you know, because lately I just love listening to my birds and looking at the trees, um, just watching the foliage just coming out and and becoming a full leaf and appreciating silence. There's so much that happens in silence, you hear everything, and I think it brings peace ultimately to the person's nervous system and the person's life in general. So, yes, I love that. You are also a spiritual director in a culture of hot takes and instant advice, spiritual direction is essentially the art of deep, slow listening. For the person listening who feels lonely, even in a crowded room, because no one truly hears them. What is the difference between listening to fix a problem and listening to understand a soul?
SPEAKER_01When you listen to fix, it's fast, it's efficient, it hears your words as a problem to solve, it's often well-intentioned, but it can feel like you're being handled rather than being held. So listening to understand is slower, it's sacred, and it and it treats your words as a doorway to you as a human being. It allows you to spend time understanding the story behind the story. So once somebody listens to fix, they're often trying to um reduce their own discomfort and they want the conversation to land somewhere neat, advice, solutions, closure. But a soul doesn't always need solutions first. Sometimes a soul just needs a witness. So listening to understand says, I want to know what this feels like inside of you. I want to know where this is touching your story, I want to know what you've been carrying along. And this kind of listening is healing because it communicates you're not invisible and you're not too much, you are not a burden. And it also gives the person being listened to a place to rest, a place to feel not only seen, a place to be held. And if you know the way that we've been created as human beings, oftentimes we have our own solutions. But if we're listening to fix, we're giving people our own solutions. Right. We're not allowing them the grace to look at their own garden and giving them the sacred place for them to explore, to discern, and to even struggle if they have to. And so for a lonely person, even in a crowded room, the loneliness often isn't about the lack of people, it's about the lack of safe presence and that discipline of being able to hold a sacred space without wanting your personality to impose on somebody else's journey. And so spiritual direction trains that presence, deep attention, patience, and with spiritual direction, we don't mind if we're sitting in silence for 10 minutes. We're not trying to, okay, let me say something because it feels very awkward. We let the we let the silence speak. So it's listening prayerfully as well, and not to control your life, not to fix you, but to honor your humanity and to help you to notice well, God is already meeting you.
SPEAKER_00You know what you just said there. I had a coach who told me that the importance of deep listening can help you ask the right questions. And sometimes these questions that you could ask could lead the person to find out what they're looking for. So rather than being prescriptive, you're helping the person and guiding the person to find the answers themselves. So that exploration you talked about, going into their own garden and finding themselves.
SPEAKER_01Yes, yes, yes. You know, especially with leaders, leaders know. They know. It's like they know they've they've worked in leadership, they've grown in leadership, and sometimes this sacred space allows them to be childlike. You know, sometimes I I would I'll have what I call a small world box, and I'll be like, look in this box, it's got loads of different things. I'll say, Well, how do you feel? What are you feeling like now? And they might see a watch in the box and say, I feel like time's running out, or I feel like I need to be held, or you're just allowing them to struggle and play again. That play thing makes us find so many things about ourselves that we've gotten we've gotten too serious.
SPEAKER_00Yes, yes, yes, yes. Okay, so Ruth, you've spent 23 years journeying with people through their deepest questions. If you could offer a single piece of counsel to the listener who feels successful on paper, but empty in spirit, someone who has climbed the ladder but lost themselves on the way up, where should they start looking for themselves again?
SPEAKER_01This question's come up last week. I've got so many different layers. This question has come up last week. Um I would say is go back to the place where you stopped being honest. You know, not honest with your audience, but honest with yourself. Ask, you know, when did I begin to live for approval? Where did my life become about performance? I always say do something that's not work-related. Go and volunteer for somebody, go and do something completely different to break the monotomy. Because there's a sense that they're that, you know, they've lost themselves, that connectivity, that thing that made them come alive. There's a numbness. I spoke to someone recently, they said, I feel dead. I feel numb. And they're in that place that I call the middle. The middle is you you have over here where the vision was great, it was all exciting, all the dreams and the aspirations are there. And then you had the the other side, which is the fulfillment of all of those dreams and aspirations. But the middle is that numbness, that deadness that comes, especially when you've achieved so much and you've now at the same time your spirit is empty because you've disconnected yourself in the process. And so one thing to know is that they're not alone, they're not crazy, and many people win externally but quietly lose themselves internally. You know, so it's asking those questions. When did my life become a performance? When did I stop praying or being or or stop feeling and stop resting? When did I start betraying my own limits? When did I start betraying myself? And then the one brave thing to do is create small spaces where you could be real again. That's why I said break the monotony, do something else. When I was in that stage, I started a mosaic and I was so free. And it's so funny, I was so free, and there was that creativity as well. And it might be journaling. Someone might say, Look, I want to journal, or someone might have said, I used to write poems when I was a child. I'm write those poems. Write those poems, those things that used to make you excited, those things that people said, ah, it won't let you make money, go and do them. They will make you come alive again. Whether it's a conversation with a wise guide or a return to speaking to someone, somewhere where your mask can come off. And you know, I would add to this, don't start by changing your whole life. No. Start by telling the truth about your life. Because the moment truth returns, direction returns. And you don't find yourself from climbing higher, you find yourself by coming home. Do you know how many people, when they're going through trauma, all of a sudden they're with their family all the time? Do you know what? Because it's an anchor. There's familiarity, there's a stabling. And we have to try and do that deliberately, not only when it feels like we're disconnected, so that we could make sure that our soul goes home. Home to family, home to God, home to parts of us that we've abandoned in the name of success.
SPEAKER_00Oh my goodness, you hit me there because um I was probably one of those people who was running, running, running, and I had a strong calling to go home. Just go home, and everything would be clear. Because we're running from ourselves, we can never find ourselves outside. We have to return to base. And there's something you said: go back to when you stopped being honest with yourself, and that is the true definition of going back to God. That's what I feel to that innocence, to who you truly were and who you were made out to be. And you've taken up hobbies. The mosaic thing sounds wonderful. For me, it's all about writing, writing, journaling. It just gives you a sense of peace before you I know it. I've written three pages. And when you read it back, say a month later, it just brings you alive. So, yeah, it's just being yourself, going back to your core and going back to God. Ruth, um, oh god, I've just been um, you've just taken me out of myself, and it's been such a an enriching session for me. But do you have anything else you want to add?
SPEAKER_01I just want to say to people, one of the things that's been on my mind over the last year, especially as I've been watching my dad age visibly in front of me, is that we only have one life. And you know, maximum we've got a hundred years. And when I was going through my transition in my last season, I was playing. I thought, no, look, I could do all of these 20 things, you know. I'm a strong businesswoman, I could do it all. I'm a serial entrepreneur, all of these labels that you know, and I just felt deeply in my spirit that what would you do? Look at this whole plan that you have, look at all of the things that you are carrying. If you only had one year to live, what would you really be doing? And we need to be asking ourselves that question before we have one year to live.
SPEAKER_00Thank you. Thank you so much, Ruth, for that. Um we've absolutely loved having you here, and I hope you had fun, but thank you so much.
SPEAKER_01Thank you for having me. I really appreciate it, it's such a blessing.
SPEAKER_00Well, I am completely in awe of our last guest, Ruth, and I'm sure when I was doing the introduction, a few of you must have been thinking, Oh, it's gonna be a religious session. But I knew it wasn't going to be a religious session, it was going to be a profound session of deep thinking, a spiritual connection with who you are. It doesn't matter if you're a Christian or you're not, it's about finding the source of who you are and being. We are not perfect, we are always becoming. There are Christians who want to be Christ-like, and then there are non-Christians who just want to be authentic, to be whole, to be themselves, regardless of what room they enter. You know, there are some leadership coaches who focus on, I'll use a tree for example, they focus on the fruit, the fruit that's yielded from the tree. But there are leadership coaches like Ruth who focus on the root because once the root is solid, it can then produce the fruits of wholesome leadership that we are in dire need of. And remember, silence is not a threat. Goodbye.
