Is it Resilience or Is It Burnout?

What if the problem isn’t that you’re not resilient enough, but that you’ve been trying to push through burnout?

There's a lot of pushback against the word "resilience" these days, but perhaps its because we've lost a grasp on what resilience really is. Listen in for a fresh perspective to beat the burnout and get your true resilient self back on track. 

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Morning Routine Episode

World on My Shoulders Episode

Living Well in a Dumpster Fire World Episode

Ty Cohen Episode

Lynn Terry Episode

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

So today's topic is that word that inspires different reactions from different people. And that word is resilience. I'm Alice Siba, your host of Lifestyle Self-Made. And we're all about you creating the best life for yourself, even with all you've got going on, and maybe even better life than you realized you could have. So back to this resilience thing. I think there's a difference sometimes between what resilience actually is and what people think it is. I did ask our community for their takes on what's resilience? What does it mean to you? And I was really pleasantly surprised that most people had a really positive viewpoint of what resilience is. And that's great. But it's also not a bad thing if you have a negative connotation. When I look around online, I see a lot of people say, I'm tired of being resilient. Why do I have to be strong all the time? We should be more vulnerable and that kind of thing. And that's totally a valid truth. And what it's telling us, I think, is that we're burnt out. That we're not actually resilient if we're feeling that way. I've been there. That's not a judgment. It just means that's what happens to us when our resilience is down. We have this feeling that we have to stuff down our feelings and that we have to pretend everything's fine. We have to do everything on our own. We don't ask for help and that kind of stuff, right? So I think there's two things that need to be done when you're feeling that way. When that resilience isn't really keeping you going and thriving. So I think that the first thing to do is step back and reframe the situation. If things are happening that you can't change, you have to change how you look at it. That's the only option. What else is there to do? You can also, it's important to always adjust your plan in these kind of circumstances, right? So maybe we have this goal that we want to reach, but then stumbling blocks come in our way. That doesn't mean that it's all blown to bits. It means we have to rethink how we can do it. Maybe the outcome can't be exactly how we wanted it, but we can shift. So let's say you're overwhelmed with work and family and nothing is slowing down. Yes, that happens, right? And I guess the reframe is a little tough in that period. And I would actually start with your adjustment because the reframe is going to come after a while because obviously work is important, family is important. So the adjustment, you got to lower your expectations. You got to simplify that to-do list. You really do. You in as somebody who likes to do everything, I'm not a perfectionist, but I am a detailed-oriented person who will do more than she needs to all the time. And that's the case with a lot of us, right? And you got to focus on what matters now. You gotta just go through it all and figure out what does matter, which will allow you to reframe it. Because when you adjusted your to-do list, you've decided what's important, what's not, then you have a why. Because this, if the reason you're focusing on maybe the certain family things that you had to cut out, maybe certain activities, or I don't know what it would be. But when you focus on the things that are really important, maybe it's fewer activities, but that are more meaningful. And that's the why. Like that this is really gonna make a difference for our relationship, for my kids, whatever it happens to be. Or let's say your business isn't growing as fast as you expected. And the reframe would be is like despite what you see online, or people bragging about, or people just looking like they're an overnight success because you didn't see the stuff in the background. It takes longer than expected. And it doesn't mean that you're doing it wrong as long as you are continually evaluating and working strategically towards something, right? So that's the adjustment you need to make. It's easy when you're trying to grow a business, going all over the place, doing all kinds of things, and then wondering why nothing's happening. Adjustments are usually to do less as opposed to doing more. Or let's say you're dealing with ongoing stress you can't control, whether it's your health, family related or finances, right? There is always a silver lining. And if it's your health, at least you get to slow down and think about what's really important. You will find out what's really important. So within that terrible thing, there is a blessing, right? And you have to be able to find those. And it's not always easy. But the more you can do that, the better, right? And all these problems are just something to navigate. You'll get through it, right? It sucks right now, but you're gonna get through it somehow. And yeah, you have to adjust. And all these again, when it comes to your health or your stress or things like that, it's all about trying. You're gonna have to probably do less stuff and ask for help. That's been a topic of in our podcast episodes and stuff, too, is not to try to do everything by yourself. You need to get help. Same with your business. If your business is not growing as fast as you need to connect with other people and network with people who are working on the same businesses as you, that's free to do. You can join local networking groups, you can go online, you could come visit our eKidHub University. We have a community there where you can connect with people who have already done this stuff or are also struggling with the same stuff you are. You should also be like investing money that you do make or that you can invest into getting help. Like we can't build businesses totally on our own. We can't manage every daily things. We need to ask for more help. We often tend to think, we always have this feeling like we we should be doing more, but we're so exhausted. How can we do more? That's the pressure that you put yourself under, isn't truth. It's expectation. And expectations don't help anything. You have to deal with what's happening at the time. Do the fewer things, but do them in a way that feels sustainable. It's always an adjustment. Always honestly, it's a it's a process, right? It doesn't always happen immediately. You can't just give yourself this quick reframe and adjust your plan, and suddenly you're maybe you will. It can help. It could make a difference right away. But usually it's a bit of a process. And when I asked our community, I did get a comment from Jeanette, and she said, resilience is a skill you build up, like a muscle. Some people are born with more than others, but everyone can increase their resilience. Now, how beautiful is that? That's the truth, even if you think it's not you, because it's all in the way that we think. And then sometimes we have to go beyond our mindset. It's what's happening in our bodies and going beyond that, not just like illnesses, because a lot of the times when we're burnt out, we are feeling things in our body, and our body is actually exhibiting symptoms. And doctors will tell you, I don't know what's wrong with you. There's nothing wrong with you, you just need to do this. And but often it's that stuff weighing on us that is causing these physical symptoms. And in in when I asked for feedback, Larae, who is a certified coach, told us like resilience is really rooted in deep healing at both the physical and emotional level. And it can be supported by practices that help the body release and restore balance. She also highlights the importance of being seen and valued for simply for existing as part of that healing process. She said, being witnessed to know we matter just because we exist. And it's true. I also really appreciate what Therese said. She said, resilience, and I'm gonna give you a link to the post where people gave this feedback so you can check out who said what, and if you want to connect with them in any way, you'll be able to. It's just on Facebook. So Therese talked about resilience coming from awareness without judgment and practicing grace towards yourself and others, which allows you to make new choices and move forward from a grounded place. I think that's also very important, right? We are tough on ourselves, but we're also tough on others, which keeps us from asking for help. It allows us to play the blame game that it's other people's fault and we don't have control over it. And when we're critical of others, we also find we're probably criticizing the things we don't like about ourselves in them. The quote I'd like to share from Therese is resilience begins with awareness and grace. Amy and John talked about adapting without losing yourself. So Amy said the resilience is the ability to adapt to changing circumstances without losing your essence, right? I think that's important too. Where I talked about adjusting your plan, you don't want to adjust it. So you're lost in the process as well. But if you keep that in mind, what is really important to you, you can make those decisions on what has to go, what can stay. John says, resilience is when life screws up your plans and you find a way to steady yourself, adapt, and keep moving forward without losing your sense of self. Perfect. Absolutely perfect. I also love Lynn Terry, who we did interview recently. It's a great episode about appreciating relationships in your life and asking for help was a really big part of that too. So definitely go listen to that after. I'm gonna give you a link to that episode as well. But Lynn said, resilience to me is consistency through the chaos and resting intentionally and peacefully instead of pushing to the crash point. And that's because Lynn has a very, very debilitating condition as a result of long COVID that kind of forced her to do that. And Lynn is an extremely accomplished online entrepreneur, talented, creative person, right? And it this health issue just brought her life to a screeching halt, really. And so watching how she handles it is an incredible thing and the positivity she still has, and it's not fake, it's not fake. People like good vibes only. It's not that, it's about she's great at reframing things. I think if you listen to that episode, she talks about she has to use a walker a lot when she goes out now because she can't, or it's a it's more than a walker, it's a certain kind of device. She talks about it in the episode, and she can't she goes to the places that she used to go able-bodied, and what she says about it is quite beautiful. So definitely check that out. Carolyn says it's feeling your fears and making it through them, anyways. Okay, so yeah, it can be scary. I think that's an important thing to acknowledge as well. I really appreciate everybody taking the time to share their perspective. And uh there's still time to share yours in the comments. Happy to hear it, happy to help you reframe stuff. So if you some more thing to listen into, some more things, I'd love to give you some recommended episodes to listen into. Our most recent episode on morning routine might be helpful because when you're having troubles getting through those days, a morning routine, not something that makes you regimented and if that's your thing, yes, but something that makes it easier to get started with your day and get through it. That episode I think would be helpful. We also have you know, what to do when you feel like the world is on your shoulders episode. Definitely listen into that one. And living well in a dumpster fire world because the world is crazy. And even though a lot of the things may not be happening directly to us, it still affects our resilience. So listen into that one. And I'd also recommend our interview with Ty Cohen. Yusuf and I interviewed him. Yeah, he is a brilliant and successful entrepreneur who has literally almost died several times in his life because he battles sickle cell anemia and they told him he would be dead when he was a teenager. They thought he just wouldn't live that long. And so obviously, he has resilience. But if you listen to his episode, you'll also see he's really an expert at reframing things and changing the plan. I think that always comes out anytime you talk to him. And of course, listen to that episode with Lynn Terry so you can hear about how she's developed resilience, but also that we really focused on appreciating the gifts of the relationships that we have, which includes learning to ask for help, because a lot of the times when we don't feel resilient is when we're doing things on our own. So I'd love your feedback. Let's talk. And I hope that you have a beautiful day, and even if it's not perfect, that you'll feel content about how you got through it and that you gave yourself a few moments to appreciate the wonderful things that you have in your life.