What to Do When You Don't Know What To Do

In this refreshingly honest episode, Alice Seba hits record mid-walk...because sometimes the best way to get unstuck is to just start. She opens up about turning 54, the social media spiral that had her convinced her health goals were hopeless, and how simply showing up (even when results were slow) changed everything.

But this episode goes deeper than wellness. Alice tackles the invisible weight we carry from other people...the ones who drain our energy, don't call back, or just won't do what we think they should. Her take? Stop waiting for them to change. The real power is in becoming unbothered and channeling that energy into the life you actually want to build.

Whether you're trying to get healthier, grow a business, or just find five minutes for yourself as a parent or caregiver, Alice offers something rare: no-nonsense encouragement that meets you exactly where you are.

This is #lifestyleselfmade...and this episode is proof that clarity doesn't wait for the perfect moment. Sometimes it just needs a good pair of walking shoes.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

So, what do you do when you're not sure what to do? You do something. I'm Alice Seba, and here's another episode of Lifestyle Selfmade. And here I am practicing what I preach. So, over the past few weeks, I've been thinking about a lot of things. I've been thinking about happiness. I've been thinking about who's in charge of that? But it's us. We know it's us. But we can easily blame others. And when we blame others, we tend to hold ourselves back at the same time. Or even if we think, it's just something is just impossible. It's not anyone else's fault. Again, we hold ourselves back. So I've been thinking about a lot of topics. I'm like, I just don't know what I want to talk about in this episode. And I thought, okay, you know what? I'm on a walk. I'm just gonna start recording something. And I hope that you find it helpful and inspiring for you to go just do something. A good starting point for this would be to say what's led me on these walks. So I'm gonna be 54 next weeks. And they've been bombarded by social media, right? Gained a little bit of weight these past couple years, also lost muscle mass, which is something that happened for us. So social media knows I'm a little insecure about that and starts feeding me content because I engaged with something. And I'm getting all kinds of crazy, not crazy, some of it's not crazy, but just advice saying, after 50, you have to do this, or you have to do that. And for example, the lady says, After 50, you're gonna lose so much muscle mass, you must walk every day. You must not drink wine. What? You must do weight training exercises four times a week. And I'm like, is it true? Because I am losing muscle mass. My arms, the muscles in my arms in particular, my legs are a little more muscly, and my arms, not so much. And normal thinking, oh my gosh, maybe I'm just doomed because I'm not going to the gym four times a week. I'm not buying weights and doing that at home. I like to do yoga, I like to be outside, I like to hike. And so I'm like, no, it's all up to me. And it also has to do with the food that we eat, right? When we eat more and we don't cut things up. So this isn't meant to be a health teaching. It's just that I was sort of getting programmed to think it was hopeless. Okay, so I just met my. But now it's been weeks where I'm out on walking almost every day. It's good for my mental health, it's good for my physical health. Now, and it took a while before any weight started coming off, even though I was eating more healthfully and even a little bit less in the hopes of seeing if some of those pants came down. And it felt like it just wasn't working. I'm like, oh my gosh, this woman and all those other people are right. But I just kept at it. And I see that's totally wrong. And I see that the more positive I am about it, that the more I'm going to get to where I want to be. And that's the same with you. No matter what it is that you want to do, it's not impossible. You just have to do it. You have to do the work. You have to evaluate. Am I doing the right things? What do I need to do to adjust my plans? So maybe if you're trying to start a build-a-business and you put up your website and you've been posting on social media and nothing's happening, that's not surprising because just posting to social media is rarely going to get things happening unless you dig really into it and try to game the algorithm. Well, then there's lots of tips, but there's a lot of work involved with that. You want to do that work. You want to just post on social media, you have to do that work. If you want to make and sell products, you have to do the hustling to build the relationships, to build the traffic, get the exposure so that you can do that. And feeling capable like that also requires that your body feels pretty good, that your mind feels good. You don't have to be in prime condition to accomplish things in life. Obviously not. But the more you take care of yourself, the more you're going to be able to do that. Give yourself time away, just like we talked about last time, about growing your business faster by working less. Because you're scheduling other things into your life where you get more clarity when you're actually working. You know you just have a short time to work and you are more focused in it. So let's talk about this piece about other people who may drain your energy, who may squash your dreams, or just cause you stress because they're not doing the things that you want them to do or think they should be doing, whether it's children or a spouse or other family members or coworkers, and it affects you, right? It does affect you. But the thing is that you can't control any of that. And you've probably heard it before, and until you embrace it, it's never gonna make the perfect sense for you. People are always doing the best they can, and that's the truth. A lot of people don't believe that. They're like, no, they're not doing the best they can. But they really are because they are doing the best they can in that moment and what they feel like they can handle and what they can put their attention on. Just like you when you get stuck. You're not doing really your ultimate best when you're stuck, but you are doing what you can do at that time. And you have to find the things that will make you do better, will get you unstuck, just like they do. So you can't be upset at them for doing their best. You can provide guidance, but if you nag, you're not really providing guidance. And then what if you feel flighted by other people and that hurts your feelings, right? Friends don't call back, or or your spouse doesn't show his love or her love or their love in the way you want it. Like that, you are creating your own difficulties. Because that's how they are. And sure you can share what you'd like if you're really close with somebody, but you don't want to make being part of your life a chore for them. You need to become more unbothered. Unbothered when things don't go right, when people don't do the right thing, or what you consider to be the right thing. And we all never know what's going on for other people and why they make the choices they do. Just know they're doing the best if they can at that very moment. So I guess really what I want to say is that you have to make the time for the things you want to do. And also, if you feel like people in your life and your family aren't doing the things they're supposed to do, the more you get focused on your thing, and the more you start accomplishing, you'll be an inspiration. So you need to set aside the time for the things to take care of yourself, to start learning the things you need to do, work on the projects that you need to work on, and do the work. And it will come. And if there are things in your life that are completely out of your control, focusing on them is also going to cause you grief. It's going to keep you stuck, it's gonna keep you depressed or anxious or whatever effect it has on you. You can't spend 24 hours dwelling on it, trying to fix it. It's not gonna get fixed until you step away and you think about things for a bit and you still live. Because even when times are difficult, whether it's money problems or relationship problems, until you start giving yourself time to do things that nourish you, to take care of you, then that's how it's gonna keep going. Now, what if you have like little children? What if you're a single parent? What is it's it is difficult to get the time. What if you're a caregiver for a parent? You have to figure out those things. You have to tap into resources. What's available in terms of caregiving for adults to give yourself a break? For children, if you need to connect with friends or other connections, make friends, that you can share some of that load. Have to come up with solutions instead of letting yourself drown in bear or not knowing what to do next. Because when you have time for yourself, you'll know what's better for you overall. Start making better choices, and a lot of those problems that you had will start to go away, or you'll realize the problems are not as bad as you've thought. So I'm gonna keep walking. I'd love to know if you've experienced anything like this. Or if you're struggling with anything right now, let me know. I'm here to help you come up with a solution. You think you don't have time? I'll help you find solutions. You think you don't have resources to learn something, I'll help you find something. Just chef. Because we are control over happiness. Maybe we can't be 100% happy all the time, but we are ultimately in control of our happiness, our contentment, and our success, and how long it takes us all will vary. We do have different resources, but if you keep these things in mind, you will keep working in the right direction, and that's all that matters. Talk to you next time.