Episode 35: Ouija board time

In this episode we mess around with a spirit board to try to talk to a spirit. Or a demon. Or our subconscious. Whatever

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:02

What is that gonna do? Whatcome everybody to Comedyville horror podcast where spooky meets stupid and we have no idea what we're doing.

SPEAKER_00 0:38

This is not the fucking slogan.

SPEAKER_03 0:42

Well, it's too late now. I've been Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 0:44

Spooky meets stupid over here because this is a great fucking idea.

SPEAKER_03 0:49

Uh as you can see, this week we're talking about a Ouija board or spirit board or Ouija. So they're called a whole bunch of different things because it's a goddamn uh Hasbro?

SPEAKER_01 1:11

Hasbro or Mattel? Who knows?

SPEAKER_03 1:14

One of them like uh coined Ouija, but it's spelled Oija.

SPEAKER_00 1:20

Oh Oija. I do not condone this.

SPEAKER_03 1:28

What experiences have you had with a Ouija board?

SPEAKER_00 1:34

Oh, so we had my mom's mom, grandma live with us for a while. And uh about that time around that time, that's when I started messing around with the the Ouija board that we had by myself.

SPEAKER_03 1:56

And so you played it.

SPEAKER_00 1:57

I did, and I played it a lot, and then bad shit started happening.

SPEAKER_03 2:02

That's I keep seeing that one of the big things is don't don't play with yourself.

SPEAKER_00 2:08

I hear that a lot.

SPEAKER_03 2:09

Yeah. My doctor tells me that.

SPEAKER_00 2:11

Stop playing with yourself. And at that time, there was just a lot of like turmoil going on with like mom, and she was kind of going through her episodes, I think just with the loss of then grandma died, and I don't know, like weird shit started happening. There was like a fucking crow. My my room was on the basement, like ground level, so the window was ground level, and there was a crow that would peck at my window every single morning. And this was after it was a sign. There was just weird shit happening to the point where then finally um mom told Reed to get rid of it, and he I think tried to burn it.

SPEAKER_03 3:02

You had a fucking a huge ordeal about this board. You didn't even want it in your house.

SPEAKER_00 3:09

And then you bring the satanic one. So I have, as we can see here, um my mom's rosary draped over these freaking seance candles you got going on.

SPEAKER_03 3:22

Well, yeah, because everything that I read was that you gotta set the moon, use candles for some reason.

SPEAKER_00 3:28

Great. Um I still have leftover sage, so if I have to sage this place against the case, that's what a lot of them say, like do all the shit, but I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 3:39

I don't particularly believe that anything is gonna happen.

SPEAKER_00 3:44

Well, I hope this is a Mattel one.

SPEAKER_03 3:46

So now this this is a guy laser printed this, and actually the first one was cursed because it got fucking lost in the mail.

SPEAKER_01 3:55

Great.

SPEAKER_03 3:55

And so I contacted him and he's like, well, they can't find it, so I'll just make you another one. So this one's not cursed.

SPEAKER_01 4:05

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 4:07

So how how do you play or is it a play?

SPEAKER_00 4:13

I guess. I think you just see if the thing moves. So who are we trying to con like anything? Who are you trying to connect with?

SPEAKER_03 4:23

A lot of a lot of the things that I read was to take it seriously, okay, which is like gonna be real fucking hard for us.

SPEAKER_00 4:31

I don't know if I can.

SPEAKER_03 4:33

Well, you can probably take it way more seriously than I am.

SPEAKER_00 4:36

But I don't want to take it seriously because I don't want to can conjure.

SPEAKER_03 4:42

You're not conjuring anything, you're communicating.

SPEAKER_00 4:46

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 4:46

This is a text message.

SPEAKER_00 4:48

Great.

SPEAKER_03 4:48

It's literally a text message.

SPEAKER_00 4:50

Okay, dad. But make it move.

SPEAKER_03 4:54

So this is the alphabet.

SPEAKER_00 4:58

Oh. Have you seen it before? You know what? Maybe.

SPEAKER_03 5:02

And you know, you put letters together and then they form words.

SPEAKER_00 5:06

Okay. Um here we go. Let's do it.

SPEAKER_03 5:11

Should we do like a little chant? Like the ghost.

SPEAKER_00 5:21

If this thing starts moving too, like that's okay.

SPEAKER_03 5:24

That's way too heavy to move.

SPEAKER_00 5:27

Well, I'm hoping that this um rosary is like gonna protect.

SPEAKER_03 5:32

Or maybe it's fucking gonna block everything.

SPEAKER_00 5:35

Maybe.

SPEAKER_03 5:36

Power of Jesus compels you. Stop. Okay, so here we go. Uh anybody looking? Uh both of our nails are manicured. The more feminine uh fingers are mine.

SPEAKER_00 5:52

That's true. Is it supposed to be blurry like that?

SPEAKER_03 5:56

I don't know. It it'll probably be better uh in post. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 6:02

We'll see.

SPEAKER_03 6:04

So you place I think two fingers on of each hand on it? I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 6:11

Um and then Is anyone here that would like to talk to us?

SPEAKER_01 6:19

Let's move it over to greetings. Oh, greetings. Hello. Greetings. Hello. Hello. Is there anyone that would like to communicate with us? Do we move it around? Let's move it around a little. Really get that laser printer just to.

SPEAKER_00 6:57

No. Oh man, it worked. Uh I think you're supposed to do it like lightly, right?

SPEAKER_03 7:05

Yeah, like like barely on it. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 7:08

Sure. Oh, are you moving it?

SPEAKER_03 7:10

Well, yeah, I did move it. My arm's already tired.

SPEAKER_00 7:15

My back hurts.

SPEAKER_03 7:17

So old. Well, and I I saw like pictures. So they would put it like on their laps between.

SPEAKER_00 7:23

Don't make me play this by myself.

SPEAKER_03 7:25

What?

SPEAKER_00 7:25

Play with myself again?

SPEAKER_03 7:30

Are there any spirits or any of our subconscious in the room?

SPEAKER_01 7:46

You have to take it seriously.

SPEAKER_03 7:47

Can you give us a hint on how to like how do we make this work?

SPEAKER_01 7:56

Mine was like a plastic thing.

SPEAKER_00 7:58

It's like had like little couch protectors on it.

SPEAKER_03 8:05

Uh yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:07

Who's here? Let's just leave it and see if it moves on its own.

SPEAKER_03 8:10

Well, it ain't gonna do that because it's the idio motor effect. Do you know what that is?

SPEAKER_00 8:14

Idiot effect.

SPEAKER_03 8:17

No, it's like you're subconscious moving it. But have you seen the fucking the people with the the dowsing rods? That's another fucking idio motor. Like they're literally moving it every fucking time.

SPEAKER_00 8:30

Oh, really? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:31

Oh, I didn't know that. Okay. Here we go. Serious. Serious. XM radio. Is there serious?

SPEAKER_03 8:45

Oh gosh, fucking idiot. Here we go. Oh, God. Do you have your phone?

SPEAKER_00 8:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 8:52

I'm gonna look it up. See like how to start it. Because I feel like we we are doing this wrong. And like I said, we have no idea what we're doing all the time.

SPEAKER_00 9:04

Planning your first Ouija board session involves creating a calm, focused environment, adhering to safety protocols.

SPEAKER_03 9:11

Safety protocols.

SPEAKER_00 9:12

And approaching the experience with respect and patience. It is generally recommended that beginners do not use the board alone. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 9:24

Set the scene, gather the team.

SPEAKER_00 9:27

Open-minded and respectful. Avoid those who are overly fearful or intoxicated. Oh, that fucking narrows it down here. Just kidding. Um, establish a leader. So designate one person to ask questions and lead the session. Sit on chairs at a table, placing the board comfortably between. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 9:52

I think that's our problem.

SPEAKER_00 9:53

Before beginning, set clear intentions by stating a loud energy such as I am only available to communicate with beings and spirits who have my highest and best at heart. Okay. I would like good spirits to come and give us a sign. Light the board. Place your fingertips lightly on the planchet. The touch should be gentle, barely enough to feel it. Move the thing in a clockwise circle. Or figure eight pattern for a few seconds to warm up the board and building energy. The leader should start with a simple greeting such as, is there anyone here who wishes to communicate with us? Okay. Be patient. It may take several minutes for the thing to move. Remain calm, patient, and quiet. Do not rush the process. Start with simple yes-no questions, such as, are you a friendly spirit? Or can you hear us? Never leave the board. Never leave the plancha on the board if you walk away. Always say goodbye. The most important rule is to always end the session by guiding the plancha to goodbye. Thank you for the spirits or thank the spirits for their time and remove your hands from the board only after goodbye is reached.

SPEAKER_03 11:16

Oh well, we fucked that up already.

SPEAKER_00 11:18

Well, we're starting over.

SPEAKER_03 11:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:20

Some practitioners cast a protective circle, light, light white sage, or throw salt over their shoulder to clear energy after the session.

SPEAKER_03 11:29

Then you just have fucking salt everywhere.

SPEAKER_01 11:32

Whatever. We gotta try it. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 11:36

So I think we're good.

SPEAKER_03 11:39

So let's start. All right, spirits, you didn't hear that first.

SPEAKER_00 11:43

Yeah, we kind of screwed it out.

SPEAKER_03 11:46

The spirits. Ignore that first one.

SPEAKER_00 11:49

Okay. Uh so um we would like to communicate. Communicate with friendly spirits who have our best interest in mind. Um, no negative energy, please. And we will start by figure eights.

SPEAKER_01 12:10

Let's just do clockwise. Okay. I'm really just warming up the board here.

SPEAKER_03 12:21

Um, if there's if we do this enough, we will start a fire because this is wood.

SPEAKER_00 12:27

Sorry, that wasn't you gotta be serious.

SPEAKER_03 12:30

Super fucking serious.

SPEAKER_00 12:32

We would like to say hello and enter um any communication or would like to allow any communication to any friendly spirits. We are here to communicate with you.

SPEAKER_01 12:49

Is there any spirit who can hear us? Are there any spirits here? This is your way to communicate. If there's anything you would like to say. No pressure. Don't leave it. It's hard. It really hurts my back. Is there anyone here who can hear us? What is that noise? What is that noise? Anyone here? Who can hear us? Anyone that would like to communicate. Now's your chance.

SPEAKER_03 15:00

This is the worst audio podcasting.

SPEAKER_01 15:05

Oh fuck. Is there anyone here who can hear us? Maybe we need some more warmed up. Are you a friendly spirit? Friends.

SPEAKER_00 15:32

Greetings.

SPEAKER_03 15:35

Salutations.

SPEAKER_00 15:36

We are here to communicate with you. Why is this like movement making me so sweaty?

SPEAKER_03 15:46

I know, like, my hands are sweaty now. Well, and I think because like, oh my fucking bad. Like, we are so out of shape that we might have to end this like fucking right now because nothing's happening.

SPEAKER_00 15:57

You have to be patient.

SPEAKER_03 15:59

Patience is for doctors.

SPEAKER_01 16:04

Is there a carrot here? Is there a spirit? We welcome friendly spirits. We want to send you a text message. How did you play this by yourself and like have I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 16:29

Did you have anything happen?

SPEAKER_00 16:31

Uh yeah. I swear that thing moved on on its own. I made it might have been high.

SPEAKER_03 16:38

Yeah, I was gonna say, were you real, real high?

SPEAKER_01 16:49

Let's see if it knows my phone number.

SPEAKER_03 16:52

402. Just kidding, I'm not gonna put my phone number out there.

SPEAKER_00 17:00

G.

SPEAKER_03 17:04

I wonder what it's going to now. Oh my goodness. 402 G.

SPEAKER_01 17:13

V. I B. E? Gay.

SPEAKER_00 17:21

402 G vibe?

SPEAKER_03 17:23

How does it know my number?

SPEAKER_00 17:24

I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 17:26

The spirits know everything.

SPEAKER_00 17:28

Okay. In all seriousness, we are ready for any type of spirit. Well, no, not any type.

SPEAKER_03 17:34

And please hurry because like it's it's really fucking hard to like sit with my arms all the way out and my back at an angle.

SPEAKER_00 17:41

Oh god, oh, don't take your fingers off. Sorry. Please forgive me.

SPEAKER_03 17:46

You know what? I'm kind of done with this.

SPEAKER_00 17:47

Is there any spirit?

SPEAKER_03 17:48

Well, like what are we gonna like sit here for like a fucking half an hour?

SPEAKER_00 17:51

Are you moving that?

SPEAKER_03 17:52

Uh-uh.

SPEAKER_01 17:54

I thought you were. Oh shit. Is there anybody here? Any spirit that wants to talk to us?

SPEAKER_03 18:07

Do you look I saw your eyes go to it?

SPEAKER_00 18:10

I didn't, I'm not touching it. Are you? I'm touching it, but.

unknown 18:14

Are you moving? No.

SPEAKER_03 18:16

I thought you were. Because I saw your eyes go to yes.

SPEAKER_00 18:19

Oh, is there anyone that wants to talk to us?

SPEAKER_01 18:24

We'll be serious. It's really hard for us. Oh my gosh, the sun's kinda out. Yeah. Okay, okay. Are you a good spirit? Okay. I'll take that as yes. What would you like to what is your name? Do you have a name? P is it P? I'm guessing. Just P Well give it a second. P G P G are you telling us to keep it PG? What is that? PG D pegged?

SPEAKER_03 19:39

Uh maybe.

SPEAKER_00 19:40

Peter Griffin.

SPEAKER_03 19:42

Cottontail.

SPEAKER_00 19:43

PG D. Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_01 19:45

So I'm guessing those are your initials? How old are you? Or how old were you when you died? Can you tell us how old you were when you passed? One or do you have another number to add to that? PG D one? Maybe they don't know their name because they were a baby. Are we talking to a baby? Are you a baby?

SPEAKER_00 20:44

Sorry, are you a baby? How old were you when you died?

SPEAKER_01 20:50

Are you one? Okay. Do you think we're funny? Q. Q.

SPEAKER_03 21:08

Well, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:09

Oh, but maybe it was remember it was like kind of between the P and the Q Well like Q G D.

SPEAKER_01 21:16

Or um Q one. The first quarter of the fiscal year. Okay. What? What's Q? How did you die? I think it means tea, water.

SPEAKER_00 22:29

What are watch weather Wather W A T H A Watha Watha W T H A What Waterway Wait, W T H A Y? Wait, what was that? Wadi?

SPEAKER_03 23:17

Do you know how to spell?

SPEAKER_00 23:18

What?

SPEAKER_03 23:21

I can't write 'em down with H A Y A. W A T H the Watheli.

SPEAKER_00 23:32

A Y A.

SPEAKER_03 23:34

The Indian tribe, the Wathelis.

SPEAKER_00 23:37

How do you spell that?

SPEAKER_03 23:37

I fuck, I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 23:40

Okay, maybe it's trying to respell. Okay, W.

SPEAKER_03 23:43

It's one year old.

SPEAKER_01 23:44

It does it doesn't know how to spell. A W. The Wawa. So maybe it's a tribe. Are you Native American?

unknown 24:06

Oh god, my belly.

SPEAKER_01 24:14

Are you of native descent? Do you think we're funny? Oh no.

unknown 24:30

Gosh.

SPEAKER_01 24:34

Are we good people? Do you think we're good people? Oh D. What did it did it come over to K O D? Cody. You want us to O D?

SPEAKER_00 25:17

Is that how you died?

SPEAKER_03 25:20

A one year old fugging OD on meth. W. Again with the W.

SPEAKER_01 25:33

Keep trying to spell. Way. Way. Waymo. Oh P Way.

SPEAKER_03 25:56

Way O P Way O P Way O P stop.

SPEAKER_01 26:02

W A Way P Way PW? Are you are you American? That's a little racist. Do you have your green card?

SPEAKER_03 26:46

I mean, we're living under Trump right now.

SPEAKER_01 26:49

Hey? Hey. Why? Why? R. War What? War? It was A Y R. Maybe that's what they were trying to say how they died. War. Prisoner of War, POW. Why B. Yellow Blood. Young blood. Why B W My back is fucking harassing. W Hey Are you just wham? Aw. Wham A. I don't think that's personal spell. If there was Are you just messing with that? W. I really likes the W. Hey. You.

SPEAKER_03 28:54

Should we end this? Because my fucking back is sitting like this.

SPEAKER_00 28:58

We can only end it by saying goodbye.

SPEAKER_03 29:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:01

Um Maybe we will try this again.

SPEAKER_03 29:02

Thank you for your time.

SPEAKER_00 29:04

Um, thank you. And we would just like to say goodbye. I hope you find peace on the other side. Where's goodbye? Farewell.

SPEAKER_01 29:17

Farewell. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 29:19

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 29:22

That was strange. And you weren't moving it because I swear, like I felt it. Being pulled.

SPEAKER_00 29:32

I was not pulling it.

SPEAKER_01 29:34

Were you moving it? That gave me the heebie jeebies a little bit.

SPEAKER_03 29:42

Yeah, next time we do it, we need to find one that knows how to spell.

SPEAKER_00 29:48

Aren't you not supposed to leave this thing on there?

SPEAKER_01 29:52

Oh, I don't know. Maybe not. I don't know. I don't know. I don't remember what you said. That was so long ago. That was weird.

SPEAKER_00 30:01

You weren't moving it?

SPEAKER_03 30:03

No. I thought you were moving it.

SPEAKER_00 30:04

I wasn't moving it. Why would I can spell?

SPEAKER_03 30:08

I well, I was like, why don't you know how to spell anything?

SPEAKER_00 30:13

I was waiting for it to stop at R for war. Those of you listening, maybe you can um write down the letters and then let us know what it was possibly saying.

SPEAKER_03 30:29

Yeah. Because we're too dumb to figure out.

SPEAKER_00 30:32

Our backs hurt.

SPEAKER_03 30:34

Yeah, we're too old for the we should have like just a regular table.

SPEAKER_00 30:39

Oh god.

SPEAKER_03 30:40

Instead of being hunched over.

SPEAKER_00 30:41

Yeah. Didn't think about that.

SPEAKER_03 30:43

No.

SPEAKER_00 30:45

But that was an experience. You ain't leaving this thing here. You're taking that with you.

SPEAKER_03 30:54

Oh, yeah. I'm gonna hang it up at home. That was an experience. I might even play with myself.

SPEAKER_00 31:00

Don't play with yourself. That can be dangerous.

SPEAKER_03 31:03

Just for beginners. Now I'm a seasoned veteran.

SPEAKER_00 31:07

Okay. What does your shirt say?

SPEAKER_03 31:11

Lorna Shore.

SPEAKER_00 31:12

Oh. Oh, that's one of your ones that you spent all the money on? Yeah. Nice.

SPEAKER_03 31:16

I know this shirt was like $55 for a t-shirt.

SPEAKER_00 31:20

That's pretty cool.

SPEAKER_03 31:23

Um.

SPEAKER_00 31:24

Well, that was interesting. I was not touching it or moving it.

SPEAKER_03 31:28

Yeah, I wasn't touching it either.

SPEAKER_00 31:30

You were touching it. Well, yeah. Don't play with yourself.

SPEAKER_03 31:35

What do you think? I don't know. After doing this now. I don't know if we were truly talking to someone. Right? So it's just energy? No, I well, I think it was us doing it.

SPEAKER_00 31:56

I wasn't moving it.

SPEAKER_03 31:58

No, but like, even though you don't think you are, yeah, subconsciously. Because I I saw your eyes move to the yes.

SPEAKER_00 32:07

That's what I was like, where's it going? Yeah. Because I figured you were you were pushing it. No. I was not.

SPEAKER_03 32:15

I I was not. I mean, my fucking my background so bad.

SPEAKER_01 32:21

But I believe that there has to be outlets for spirits to communicate.

SPEAKER_03 32:33

And I do think Do you think this is a legitimate form of communication, though?

SPEAKER_00 32:40

I don't know. Told you I had my own experiences growing up.

SPEAKER_03 32:45

And well what I'm thinking though is like why use a board? You know what I mean? Like if there's a spirit or whatever, like it could literally use anything to communicate. Like, why has it gotta be this thing?

SPEAKER_00 33:02

I don't know. I think that's what it because that's what it was made for. It was made.

SPEAKER_03 33:09

It could literally like just if it's energy, it could be on your phone and like say, hey, I'm a one-year-old uh prisoner of war. Like just fucking type it out.

SPEAKER_01 33:22

I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 33:22

You know, like no, nobody's gonna send you a text from the other side.

SPEAKER_03 33:28

Well, but the the this is like the old school form, you know, like I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 33:34

Somehow it works.

SPEAKER_03 33:37

It it was strange. I'll give you that.

SPEAKER_01 33:41

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_03 33:43

Uh it was I don't think it was spooky.

SPEAKER_00 33:46

But well, I think it would have been spookier if they could have spelt something.

unknown 33:51

I know.

SPEAKER_03 33:51

We we accidentally talked to a return person.

SPEAKER_00 33:57

Leave it to us. That's what comes through.

SPEAKER_03 34:00

Exactly. Now they're all mad.

SPEAKER_00 34:02

I know. I don't know. Could have been a different language. Could have been Latin or something.

SPEAKER_03 34:10

Well, I don't know. I would hope not. Seemed like it kept trying to spell the same thing, but not getting it right.

SPEAKER_01 34:17

Way. Water. Waymo. I don't know. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:27

Kind of creepy. Well, I think um that is our Ouija bar episode.

SPEAKER_03 34:36

We might revisit this.

SPEAKER_00 34:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 34:38

Sometime. I I feel like we we need a another go at it.

SPEAKER_01 34:42

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_03 34:43

Um, maybe with like some back braces or something. Because we are out of shape.

SPEAKER_00 34:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 34:54

But that'll that'll do it for this episode, I think.

SPEAKER_00 34:56

I think so too. Don't play with yourself.

SPEAKER_03 34:59

Yeah, don't play with yourself.

SPEAKER_00 35:01

And always say farewell. Goodbye.

SPEAKER_03 35:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 35:05

And I guess I'm gonna go throw some salt over my shoulder now.

SPEAKER_03 35:09

Well that well, you have dogs, they'll get high cholesterol.

SPEAKER_00 35:12

That's fine.

SPEAKER_03 35:13

Um it's worth it. But like always. Please pretend to be kind to each other. We love ya.

SPEAKER_00 35:20

Peace.

SPEAKER_03 35:21

Bye.