Episode 38: Happy 4th of July

In this episode we talk about how awesome and cool America is. Happy birthday USA!

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Hola Bienvenidos a Comedyville horror podcast Somos F and Fitriones Soirus Soitash, Now that we have all of the American the Trump supporters that they probably snapped their fucking thumbs trying to get off of this podcast. Now we can actually have a podcast.

SPEAKER_03 0:57

Oh boy, here we go. So uh what are we celebrating?

SPEAKER_00 1:02

America's birthday. 250 years young. Can you believe it that this country has not fucking imploded by now?

SPEAKER_03 1:13

I can't believe it. But here we are.

SPEAKER_00 1:19

We're celebrating, I guess.

SPEAKER_03 1:22

And I'm gonna get sunburned.

unknown 1:24

I know.

SPEAKER_03 1:25

You are too. That white skin under there.

SPEAKER_00 1:29

I know that what power skin.

SPEAKER_03 1:34

Well, let's talk about it. Happy almost 4th of July.

SPEAKER_00 1:38

Yeah. Cheers to America's birthday.

SPEAKER_03 1:40

America.

SPEAKER_00 1:42

Uh, so I do want to tell you a story of what happened on Friday.

SPEAKER_03 1:47

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:48

Uh so I'm driving for work, right?

SPEAKER_01 1:52

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:53

And I'm in this uh this town that is very bike friendly.

SPEAKER_02 1:59

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:59

And I see a woman get fucking ran over by a truck.

SPEAKER_02 2:04

What?

SPEAKER_00 2:05

Yeah, it was like it was on a really narrow bridge. And the guy in this uh like big diesel dually truck did not get over at all.

SPEAKER_03 2:18

Oh my god, that's terrifying.

SPEAKER_00 2:20

Yeah, so I run up or I I get up to it and you know put my hazards on and then I run out to her.

SPEAKER_01 2:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:28

Uh her foot was not facing the right direction.

SPEAKER_01 2:33

Oh, cool. Ooh.

SPEAKER_00 2:35

Yeah. So, and I'm like, ma'am, ma'am, please don't move. Like, we don't know how injured you are. Don't try to get up.

SPEAKER_01 2:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:45

Uh, and another woman was running, she's like, Do I need to call 911? And like I point at her foot. She's like, Oh god.

SPEAKER_01 2:52

And she oh sick.

SPEAKER_00 2:54

She calls the cops, and it was uh it was very sad because it was her birthday. Oh and uh the next day she was leaving for a week-long vacation, like in the Bahamas.

SPEAKER_03 3:08

She was not going.

SPEAKER_00 3:09

She, yeah, definitely not.

SPEAKER_03 3:11

Was she running?

SPEAKER_00 3:12

No, she was riding her bike. Oh a very expensive bike.

SPEAKER_03 3:16

That's terrifying.

SPEAKER_00 3:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 3:18

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 3:19

It was it was pretty traumatic because then had to sit there for a while, like until like the the cops and the uh everybody got there, EFTs, yeah, and had to give a statement. And the guy that hit her, like at least he stopped. Yeah, he he was a fucking antique. He should not have been driving.

SPEAKER_03 3:41

Oh god. I had some shit.

SPEAKER_00 3:43

And he was like kind of the whole time, he's like, Well, maybe the city will fix this fucking bridge. It's like, or don't hit people.

SPEAKER_03 3:51

Yeah, I let's blame it on the city. Leave it to America, beautiful land of the free.

SPEAKER_00 3:58

So in celebration of America, yeah. Why don't we kind of uh dive into a little bit of uh American history, some of the fun things America is done.

SPEAKER_03 4:13

Can't wait.

SPEAKER_00 4:15

Here we go. So what why don't we let's start where it all began. Before America was a country in 1772, the colonists were all fucking pissed off about these goddamn taxes.

SPEAKER_03 4:32

Well, who isn't pissed off about taxes?

SPEAKER_00 4:35

Mm-hmm. Uh these high taxes from Great Britain uh were placed on them because Britain had a large amount of debt because they keep fucking losing wars.

SPEAKER_03 4:49

Yeah, why don't you win something?

SPEAKER_00 4:50

So then uh yeah, then they're like, well, why don't we just tax the fucking people in a different country?

SPEAKER_03 4:57

I mean, why not?

unknown 4:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:59

Uh so then the colonists started fighting the fucking soldiers and causing a whole big ruckus.

SPEAKER_02 5:06

Gross.

SPEAKER_00 5:07

Then many of them, many of the people were upset with King George the Third. He's the guy that was in charge at the time. Because of something about how King George III uh released the files, even though his name was in them over 38,000 times.

SPEAKER_03 5:26

He was a whistleblower.

SPEAKER_00 5:27

Yeah. Something about whistleblowing. He was a fucking pedophile.

SPEAKER_03 5:32

Probably. There was like a lot of Georges.

SPEAKER_00 5:34

And then in April of 1775, the first battles began, and then by July of 1776, a declaration of independence was made. Oh. So what I didn't understand, I guess, was the Declaration of Independence. A lot of people are like, so that's that's when we became a country, right? Well, kind of.

SPEAKER_03 6:01

Get out of my drink.

SPEAKER_00 6:03

They declared their independence, but it wasn't fucking recognized. Like you can declare anything.

SPEAKER_03 6:13

I declare a thumb war.

SPEAKER_00 6:18

Should we do a thumb war? One, two, three, four. I declare a thumb war.

SPEAKER_03 6:26

Uh oh god. Ow! God, fucking dad fingers. Ow! All right.

SPEAKER_00 6:32

One, two, three. I win.

SPEAKER_03 6:33

Whatever. Any lost his paper. Made it that much better. Okay. Well.

SPEAKER_00 6:41

Some wars have to be declared.

SPEAKER_03 6:45

For sure.

SPEAKER_00 6:46

There's no way that like some other country was doing dumb shit like that.

SPEAKER_03 6:51

Well, that's how they tried to win a war. And they're like, oh, your thumb was much stronger.

SPEAKER_00 6:57

Mm-hmm. Oh, so uh, yeah, after they they declared their independence.

SPEAKER_02 7:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:04

Uh, that stupid fucking bitch, King George III, he kept yelling, stop the steal, and wouldn't it acknowledge the United States independence until 1783?

SPEAKER_03 7:19

Really?

SPEAKER_00 7:20

Yeah. It was fucking crazy shit.

SPEAKER_03 7:23

I didn't know it was that long.

SPEAKER_00 7:25

Yeah, so that that's the beginning of America. Now let's talk about some fun stuff. Like slavery. Jesus. How do you feel about slavery?

SPEAKER_03 7:39

What I'm just gonna practice my cast over here. My casting.

SPEAKER_01 7:46

So uh I don't want to talk about slavery.

SPEAKER_00 7:48

Slavery's fun. Um it's kind of bad, I guess. I some people might say it's bad. Uh but we live in Trump's era, so we're all slaves. That's good, I guess. I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 8:04

Aren't we all slaves? We're slaves to the taxes.

SPEAKER_00 8:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 8:09

Right? The tax money.

SPEAKER_00 8:11

All right, let's let's not talk about slavery. Okay, okay. That's that. Let's talk about uh Japanese American internment camps.

SPEAKER_03 8:18

Oh, god. Is that where they did a lot of foot binding?

SPEAKER_00 8:23

No, that's where uh after Pearl Harbor, America was like, we hate Asians. And like literally anybody that was slant-eyed, they threw into a concentration camp.

SPEAKER_03 8:36

Why are like why are Americans so dumb?

SPEAKER_00 8:39

Why are Americans so racist? Like, you have to be like fucking Aryan race or right.

SPEAKER_03 8:48

Let's talk about like Nazis, right? I mean, so what? You had to be Aryan. You if you're a Jew, like why do we do all of this dumb shit?

SPEAKER_00 8:59

This this country is so fucked. It's like the people in charge are always white, straight men. Oh yeah, it's the white it's never any other it's the good old boys club.

SPEAKER_03 9:13

Yeah, that's what it is. Same shit with like nine after 9-11, right? Everybody was like, oh no, you're what I standy or whatever.

SPEAKER_00 9:24

Anybody with a towel on their head was so ridiculous. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 9:28

Like we are dumb.

SPEAKER_00 9:31

Oh, another other a little fun. The Trail of Tears. You know what that was?

SPEAKER_03 9:37

I remember reading about that, but I refresh my memory.

SPEAKER_00 9:40

Uh it was uh where uh white men were like Native Americans don't belong in this country, so they put them all in Oklahoma on a reservation. Uh, which, if you can believe it, a lot of them didn't want to, so they just killed them.

SPEAKER_03 10:01

That's so sad.

SPEAKER_00 10:02

Yeah. This this country is fucked.

SPEAKER_03 10:06

Yeah, do some pretty fucked up shit.

SPEAKER_00 10:09

Like all the time, like still. Like, I can't believe that like we're still doing heinous acts.

SPEAKER_03 10:18

I mean, and I understand there's like other countries that do some heinous shit, right? Like, like what is it, like Singapore? You can get like caned if you chew bubblegum or something like that.

SPEAKER_00 10:27

Which I mean, we should just bring that back.

SPEAKER_03 10:30

I want can oh I chew gum all the time.

SPEAKER_01 10:34

I be caned every day. Something's on me.

SPEAKER_00 10:40

But uh, I mean, some other fun things to talk about.

SPEAKER_01 10:43

Yeah, let's talk about it.

SPEAKER_00 10:45

Like literally every US war that we've had has been insane because we like to hide the fact that we kill a lot of innocent civilians because it's bad and it's gonna happen.

SPEAKER_01 11:05

That is true.

SPEAKER_00 11:06

But we just like to put it, you know, under the carpet.

SPEAKER_03 11:10

Like, oh, that was a whole family, like lots of kids in the build in that building.

SPEAKER_00 11:14

Even just recently, like the whole how we bombed a what was it? It was a school for girls in Iran.

SPEAKER_02 11:21

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:22

Uh and was it wasn't there like a nursing home? It used to be a nursing home. No, it there was a it was like 200 children died because it used to be a military operation, but the government is so stupid that they didn't even fucking Google anything. And I think that's that's a major issue, is they're using AI.

SPEAKER_03 11:46

Well, AI is everywhere now. Yeah, I don't even know if I look at a fishing picture.

SPEAKER_00 11:51

Is that you have to fucking check it and they're not checking it, and children are dying.

SPEAKER_03 11:56

So bad.

SPEAKER_00 11:58

Um speaking of children dying, uh, school shootings is so fun in this country.

SPEAKER_03 12:07

Like, when are things so crazy in your life that you just need to shoot up a school? Like, if you got some sort of beef with a teacher, I get it. Right? I had some fucked up teachers in my school history time, whatever time of my life. I wouldn't shoot them, right?

SPEAKER_00 12:28

Yeah, or other kids. But like, yeah, like even if they were fucking mean to you or whatever.

SPEAKER_03 12:34

Have we not realized that by now? Kids are assholes until like they hit a certain age.

SPEAKER_00 12:41

But I I hate too how it's like the conservative side, how I need my guns, and it's like, no, you don't. I would I would give up so many things in my life if it meant that another one more child wouldn't die in a school because of a fucking gun violence. I would give up so many things for these goddamn conservative fucks that are like, you ain't taking my fucking guns away. Like, look at Australia.

SPEAKER_03 13:15

Yeah, don't they like not have guns?

SPEAKER_00 13:17

So there was a a horrific attack. There was a, I think it was one guy that went out onto this island that was like where uh like this children's camp was, and he murdered a lot of kids.

SPEAKER_01 13:36

Really?

SPEAKER_00 13:37

Yeah, like hundreds. God and then after that, Australia was like, No, we can't have this. Yeah. And all of the people turned in their guns. So now, like, like, yeah, there's still like killings and stuff, but it's like stabbings. Well, I mean like you're not gonna fucking you're not gonna mow down, you know, 30 people uh in a few seconds with a knife.

SPEAKER_03 14:08

Right. Okay, I see both sides of that though. Because I also I like to shoot guns, but only one type of gun. Guess what gun that is?

SPEAKER_01 14:20

Shotgun.

SPEAKER_03 14:21

Fuck no. What handgun. Kind of. What kind?

SPEAKER_00 14:28

What do you mean, what kind? Like a nine mil?

SPEAKER_03 14:30

No.

SPEAKER_00 14:31

Or oh a revolver?

SPEAKER_03 14:35

I like a revolver. I'm not like an old western girl over here.

SPEAKER_00 14:38

You shoot from the hip?

SPEAKER_03 14:39

I shoot from the hip.

SPEAKER_00 14:44

There's no way that this could go on uh YouTube because we are talking about like all of the really bad things.

SPEAKER_03 14:52

And but it's we're talking about it because we do not agree with what we're not really celebrating um America, but we kind of are.

SPEAKER_01 15:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:03

But we're talking about like things that I think there's a lot of fucked up shit that we've done as Americans, right? Yeah, it's and I'm sure it's other countries that have done some weird shit too. But I don't know. We don't learn from our mistakes.

SPEAKER_00 15:17

Do you think that's the problem this year? So it's the 250th. And because of the current president, it kind of seems, you know, I mean, you were around for the bicentennial, right? You were like what, like 30?

SPEAKER_02 15:36

What the fuck are you talking about?

SPEAKER_00 15:37

In 1976?

SPEAKER_02 15:39

You fuck off.

SPEAKER_00 15:41

So what was that like? You remember it?

SPEAKER_01 15:43

No, okay.

SPEAKER_00 15:45

But I feel like though, that was like all of America came together. You know? Did they celebrate it? I I feel like it because I still I see so much like bicentennial stuff, like at garage sales and shit. Like everybody fucking Well, maybe.

SPEAKER_03 16:02

I mean, I do I do feel like there's good people and there's good groups that like want to come and help and want to come and do things when shitty things happen. Yeah. Right. But I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 16:12

I also feel like But it's clouded when uh the high up people are doing heinous shit.

SPEAKER_03 16:21

You get that anywhere.

SPEAKER_00 16:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 16:23

I mean, you get that at companies, right? Like let's talk about that, you know. It's just it doesn't, it doesn't end. And where will it end? It won't.

SPEAKER_00 16:34

So this is why we'll continue with uh some of America's greatest accomplishments.

SPEAKER_03 16:39

This is why I never brought a child into this world.

SPEAKER_00 16:41

Yeah, I know. It's it is kind of one of those things like bringing a kid into this fucked up United States is no, I have friends that like picked up and like they literally left and went to like Costa Rica. See, and that's the thing, is like I hate like people are like, well, if you don't like America, then fucking leave. It's like, all right, you fucking pay for it. You pay for me to leave.

SPEAKER_02 17:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:09

Like America has fucking stopped most regular people from even leaving because you fucking work your ass off to end up being broke.

SPEAKER_02 17:21

Oh yeah. That's true.

SPEAKER_00 17:24

So in Wilmington, North Carolina, yeah, in 1898, white supremacists, if you can believe, those were in this country, uh, they didn't like that people voted for non-white people. Wow. So the hillbillies killed 60 black people and drove thousands away from their homes.

SPEAKER_02 17:51

That's sad.

SPEAKER_00 17:52

Like it's just like with what happens now is stop the steel. I can't believe that I lost. What year is that 1898. That's not that long ago. It literally just happened in fucking uh 2020, where they didn't like that their guy lost. So what did they do? They went to the fucking capital and people died.

SPEAKER_03 18:17

Oh yeah. Like they stormed it.

SPEAKER_00 18:21

It is insane.

SPEAKER_03 18:22

Now we got a UFC fight.

SPEAKER_00 18:25

Uh yeah, fucking god. Uh in 1873, the uh Comstock Act. So Congress passed an act for the suppression. So let me read like the the title of this.

SPEAKER_03 18:44

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 18:45

It is the suppression of trade in and circulation of obscene literature and articles of immoral use.

SPEAKER_03 18:56

That was book burning, wasn't it? Was it like book like when they banned a bunch of books and shit?

SPEAKER_00 19:01

So one would think that by the the terms of that act, it would be about pornography, right?

SPEAKER_03 19:10

No, let the porn porn lives on.

SPEAKER_00 19:12

But no, it was uh definitely about middle class white women not having 15 fucking kids anymore because contraceptives and birth control came out. So this was to stop skanks. Yeah, it will and so white men were terrified that immigrants were gonna take over the country because they're the ones having all the kids.

SPEAKER_03 19:43

But they were also blaming um, you know, when they would go out and see all their prostitutes, they were blaming their STDs and syphilis and gonorrhea and shit on the city. On the immigrants, yeah when, huh, joke's on you. It's probably them.

SPEAKER_00 20:00

So they they made it illegal to advertise birth control. White men fucking up this country again.

SPEAKER_03 20:09

Did you also know that it was a white man that also invented the high deal because they could make women's butts stick out?

SPEAKER_00 20:19

I'm sure there was a white man that invented songs. Boobs.

SPEAKER_03 20:23

Yeah, it's fucking so uncomfortable. I don't like cutting me in half.

SPEAKER_00 20:29

Like men are seriously the reason why everything sucks.

SPEAKER_03 20:33

And this ass, I it'll get lost in that.

SPEAKER_00 20:36

Oh, I know. Every time I wear one, yeah, it's I get a yeast infection. There you go.

SPEAKER_03 20:43

He's gotta call me for the Diflokan. I mean, it's just a thing.

SPEAKER_00 20:47

Okay, so after the Great Depression, remember those times?

SPEAKER_03 20:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:53

We're in it fucking now again.

SPEAKER_03 20:56

Um where you would save everything. Do you know how many? Sorry, I'm gonna go off for a hot second. So when we cleaned out grandma's house, she grew up in the depression, right? Holy parquet butter containers or Betty Crocker, uh, the plastic containers.

SPEAKER_00 21:17

Yeah, they save everything. Cool whip.

SPEAKER_03 21:21

The newspapers.

SPEAKER_00 21:22

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_03 21:24

Literally stacks and stacks of newspapers. What in the fuck do you do with that many newspapers?

SPEAKER_00 21:31

Well, and it was I they were raised in a time of like You saved everything. Yeah, like because you never knew what fucking tomorrow meant. And now I mean now in America it's well, I'll just get an another credit card.

SPEAKER_03 21:46

Until you run out of toilet paper during COVID, and that is fucking detrimental to our buttholes. Maybe that's what it was.

SPEAKER_00 21:53

You know, I I happened to luck out uh during COVID when the whole toilet paper thing was happening.

SPEAKER_01 22:00

So shut up.

SPEAKER_00 22:01

Uh like literally right before that, we went to fucking Costco and bought a fuck ton of toilet paper, not knowing anything, you know.

SPEAKER_03 22:08

Yeah, cool. Wish we would have been talking at that time.

SPEAKER_00 22:10

And then fucking this all happened, and I was like, I'm fine. I even got the good shit.

SPEAKER_03 22:17

God damn it. I had to go and get I had to go to the dollar store and get the like RV disintegrated shit and use like the entire thing. It was awful.

SPEAKER_00 22:28

I remember people were getting the fucking bidets.

SPEAKER_03 22:31

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:32

And I'm like, but then you're a wet, like you still have like Yeah, you gotta what do you do?

SPEAKER_03 22:37

What do you use a towel?

SPEAKER_00 22:38

Yeah, you just fucking shake dry after you're using the back mat.

SPEAKER_03 22:42

Can you imagine this on your butt? Oh that would have oh I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 22:46

These hemorrhoids though, like that might fucking hold are they getting any better? I don't know. Like I I push them back in.

SPEAKER_03 22:53

Preparation H that shit.

SPEAKER_00 22:54

Well, I got the the tuck pads.

SPEAKER_03 22:56

Tuck pads?

SPEAKER_00 22:58

Yeah. You you put it on it for a hot minute.

SPEAKER_03 23:03

Cools it.

SPEAKER_00 23:04

But as soon as I fucking take another shit, then they're right back out.

SPEAKER_03 23:08

So it doesn't even God, here we go.

SPEAKER_00 23:11

Uh so um Depression, sorry. Yeah, after after the Great Depression, Americans started blaming, you guessed it, Mexicans.

SPEAKER_03 23:19

What?

SPEAKER_00 23:20

And Mexican Americans for taking all the jobs of white Americans.

SPEAKER_03 23:26

It's because white Americans don't want to do the fucking hard labor.

SPEAKER_00 23:28

Well, uh seriously, I like so so they started deporting uh Mexicans back to Mexico, and it's estimated up to two million people were sent to Mexico, many of which were children and were American citizens because they were fucking born here. But during World War II, companies struggled to find workers because all of the men were fighting overseas. So they started welcoming Mexicans, immigrants to fill the void.

SPEAKER_03 24:01

Please come.

SPEAKER_00 24:02

Yeah, it's like it's one of those things that we hate you. They got but we need you right.

SPEAKER_03 24:07

They got fatter because their food was better. And like they did all of the shit, right? Like I just I don't get it, man.

SPEAKER_00 24:17

So like when I was writing this up, I started getting like I was like, I I looked through hundreds of different things, and I was just starting to get like, I really fucking hate this country.

SPEAKER_03 24:30

Originally, everyone, just so you know, I wanted this to be about people getting blown up by fireworks. Well, and and but there's just not enough. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 24:41

Well, and then it just becomes like just videos, like us just fucking watching videos.

SPEAKER_03 24:45

Well, you know, insert video here of somebody's hand being exploded.

SPEAKER_00 24:51

I'm not doing that. Whatever. All right, so my last uh American history. Uh this this is a little bit more recent. Okay. Uh maybe you've heard of this one. In 2019, Jeffrey Epstein was arrested.

SPEAKER_01 25:08

What? Who is that?

SPEAKER_00 25:10

Then his best friend in the whole wide world had him killed in prison to hide the fact that he was mentioned in the Epstein files over 38,000 times.

SPEAKER_02 25:26

Whistleblower.

SPEAKER_03 25:30

Who's the whistleblower? Do we know? Do we know who the official whistleblower was?

SPEAKER_00 25:36

Of the like first?

SPEAKER_01 25:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:38

I I don't think who knows. Uh probably a victim of uh Trump's heinous crimes. He wants children.

SPEAKER_01 25:51

Stop that.

SPEAKER_00 25:52

I I'll cut that out.

SPEAKER_01 25:54

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 25:55

Uh but so like let's talk about so we've we've discussed a few of the the fucked up things that this country does, but what about like some of the the fun stuff?

SPEAKER_03 26:10

Let's talk about like what makes America America, right? Like what like like fishing.

SPEAKER_00 26:16

Fishing is an American when you think America, it's it's so it's always redneck shit. Country music, mullets, fire pits, fucking monster trucks.

SPEAKER_03 26:32

Oh, I love a monster truck rally. I want to go to a monster truck rally again. Yeah, but I want to go before I die again. I I want to go to look, I just got spider webs. Spiderwebs.

SPEAKER_00 26:44

Oh, I know. I saw it like going.

SPEAKER_03 26:46

Well, look, I just got it.

SPEAKER_00 26:48

Uh well, I want to go to the big ones that are in like the the football stadiums.

SPEAKER_01 26:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:55

Because those are the the huge where they do the big jumps. Like the ones around here are too small. Oh, did you see we're getting a fucking soccer team in downtown Omaha?

SPEAKER_03 27:09

I did not see that.

SPEAKER_00 27:10

Yeah, they just fucking bought like 25 acres like just north of downtown to put in a fucking soccer stadium.

SPEAKER_03 27:20

I don't hate that. Why can't we Holy fuck? What was that?

SPEAKER_00 27:26

It's a squirrel?

SPEAKER_03 27:27

Fucking America. Yeah, if there's a fucking snake, I swear to God, I'm out.

SPEAKER_00 27:32

But like, of all the teams that Nebraska could get, like, we already love football. It's we are diehard uh still basketball. This is fuck this fucking America. Fucking that's soccer.

SPEAKER_01 27:50

Well, fucking football is fucking football.

SPEAKER_03 27:56

What else is American?

SPEAKER_01 27:59

Pinned wheels.

SPEAKER_03 28:00

Apple pie.

SPEAKER_00 28:01

Yeah, apple pie sound good.

SPEAKER_03 28:03

So like I always like it's more of like a birthday strawberry rhubarb, baby.

SPEAKER_00 28:08

Oh, that's good.

SPEAKER_03 28:09

That's my trick.

SPEAKER_00 28:10

We we have a rhubarb plant that this year's the first year that we can harvest it? Yeah, because like you have to like let it sit and like for a couple of years. Otherwise, like it's like poisonous, yeah. Uh oh, did I tell you my fucking black lilies?

SPEAKER_01 28:28

Oh yeah, they grow up?

SPEAKER_00 28:29

They bloom today.

SPEAKER_01 28:30

No. Did you take a picture?

SPEAKER_00 28:32

No, because I was so mad they are definitely not black.

SPEAKER_03 28:38

Here's fucking Roberta again in her fucking they're fucking red.

SPEAKER_00 28:43

Like fucking this color red.

SPEAKER_03 28:46

Oh no.

SPEAKER_00 28:48

I was so mad.

SPEAKER_03 28:49

Maybe they turned black when they died.

SPEAKER_00 28:51

It took a fucking a year for me to because I planted them last year, you know, and uh they didn't go the first year.

SPEAKER_01 29:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:02

So waited until now for them to fucking actually bloom. Uh not fucking black.

SPEAKER_03 29:09

And what are they? Lilies?

SPEAKER_00 29:11

Yeah, black lilies is literally what I bought.

SPEAKER_03 29:14

You know, I did that one year in all my pots, and I did um, they were like black petunias. They were so fucking cool. They look like black velvet.

SPEAKER_01 29:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 29:25

And then I ended up planting bulbs. This is like years ago, and they were black tulips, and I was pissed because those fuckers came up and they were like purple.

SPEAKER_00 29:36

I wouldn't rather have purple.

SPEAKER_03 29:39

At least it's a Halloween color.

SPEAKER_00 29:40

Yeah. Right? Like I I love purple.

SPEAKER_03 29:43

Yeah. Of course you do. Roberta loves purple.

SPEAKER_00 29:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 29:48

So I think it should be like Rose.

SPEAKER_00 29:49

When when was the yeah, Rose? Rose is good.

SPEAKER_03 29:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:54

Uh Rose Roberta.

SPEAKER_03 29:56

Yeah. Roberta Rose.

SPEAKER_00 29:58

So when was the last time you went fishing?

SPEAKER_03 30:01

Uh yesterday.

SPEAKER_00 30:02

How did that go?

SPEAKER_03 30:03

Piss because I was supposed to go early and then I was gonna go out to a lake, whatever, different lake, but this fucking storm.

SPEAKER_00 30:14

Yeah, it came in.

SPEAKER_03 30:16

Here's what pisses me off. I completely made all sorts of other plans other than fishing last weekend because they said it was supposed to storm all weekend. And so I was like, oh, okay, I guess indoor activities. Here we go. No, no fucking rain, right? What the fuck? And then and then this.

SPEAKER_00 30:37

There was no rain in the forecast, and it was.

SPEAKER_03 30:40

It was supposed to be today.

SPEAKER_00 30:41

Poured, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 30:43

And then it like for 30 minutes, it was what, two and a half inches of rain in like 30 minutes. It was insane.

SPEAKER_00 30:49

We had hail, did you?

SPEAKER_03 30:50

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:51

Uh ours was just small.

SPEAKER_03 30:53

Yeah, I wasn't like big or anything, but still, it was like so fucked up my whole morning of fishing. So then went yesterday afternoon. Um, I caught my 20. So last year I caught 22 different species of fish. I caught my 21st yesterday.

unknown 31:12

Jesus.

SPEAKER_03 31:13

And I'm not even like halfway through, right?

SPEAKER_00 31:15

It's only July 4th.

SPEAKER_03 31:17

Yeah. So well, close.

SPEAKER_00 31:20

But at the time of recording, it is it is not July 4th.

SPEAKER_03 31:25

But yeah, so now I'm like, I think I could probably hit, I don't know, I might go like 25, 27, something like that. That muskie just fucking sealed the deal.

SPEAKER_01 31:37

Well, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 31:38

So um, but yeah, so got my 21st species and then decided to hit up a different lake, and oh man, caught some fatty bluegill. I mean, this thing had a chin and a forehead. Like it was fucking huge. Um, but then it did start raining a little bit, and I was like, yeah, all right. I need to go watch a movie.

SPEAKER_00 32:07

Oh, you watched the you watched Joel's last night? I mean Well, how much did that cost to rent?

SPEAKER_03 32:12

I was just on Amazon, so it was like $3.99.

SPEAKER_00 32:14

Oh, because sometimes, like, I hate when it's like peak, like uh like season for things.

SPEAKER_02 32:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:24

They charge way more.

SPEAKER_03 32:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:27

Like uh like Halloween time. Like every fucking horror movie is.

SPEAKER_03 32:30

Well, so I tried to watch it Friday night, and I was like, fuck. Like, it's not on this, it's not on this. And then I was like, well, I'm just gonna go to YouTube. And I started taking notes just on the best scenes, but I'm like, oh, it's been too long since I watched it that I don't remember.

SPEAKER_01 32:47

Yeah. Like some of the stuff. The whole thing. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 32:50

So it was it was fun, but um I love fishing, you know, it's America's favorite passport.

SPEAKER_00 32:59

What what other like American things do you do every day?

SPEAKER_01 33:09

American things? Yeah. Like I I would say I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 33:15

I feel like I'm a little mine is probably more like not environment related, but like I feel like I do more like things that like a northern girl would do, not like middle of the state. You know what I mean? Like, I don't do like Nebraskan things. Number one, I don't fucking wear red. You got this for me, but I don't wear red because number one, a redhead does not look good in red.

SPEAKER_00 33:45

You have red lipstick on.

SPEAKER_03 33:48

That is an exception to the rule. Um, I would wear orange before I would ever wear red. But okay, I will say something very American that I did. I planted a uh cherry tomato.

SPEAKER_00 34:04

Oh, should we just be a gardening podcast?

SPEAKER_03 34:08

No. Oh fuck, don't drop my drink. God, how much shit you got in here? Uh would you like me to help you?

SPEAKER_01 34:18

Oh, I got it.

SPEAKER_03 34:19

Oh, look at that. That was like that was impressive, actually.

SPEAKER_00 34:24

This ain't my first bush light.

SPEAKER_03 34:26

Well, do you see my earrings?

SPEAKER_00 34:28

This is hot dog earrings.

SPEAKER_03 34:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:30

That's pretty sweet. Why do you have so many like fucking crazy earrings?

SPEAKER_03 34:34

Because I'm yeah. Like even during my work. I am. Because I gotta be all serious and shit with like my job.

unknown 34:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 34:45

If I can just at least have fun earrings that somebody just notices, like, oh, you have like ostrich earrings on right now.

SPEAKER_00 34:52

You don't, but I can't, or well, and for me, it would be like metal bands and it would be like a dying fetus.

SPEAKER_03 35:01

And yeah, well, I will say the only time that I can wear like my true like skeleton like skull earrings and little caskets or something like that.

SPEAKER_00 35:11

Like is after Halloween.

SPEAKER_03 35:14

No, it is hot is Halloween time because I can't wear those to work. I mean, I work with death and dying, so I feel kind of bad.

SPEAKER_01 35:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 35:23

You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 35:24

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_03 35:25

But um What do we I don't know? But I think we light up.

SPEAKER_00 35:32

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_03 35:33

This is American uh free freedom. What do we got here? A little stogie?

SPEAKER_00 35:40

Yeah, make sure you got the side that because mine one side is closed.

SPEAKER_03 35:45

I want the closed side.

SPEAKER_00 35:47

No, you want the open side. You want to light the closed side.

SPEAKER_01 35:51

Oh, look at that. Oh, got it. Yeah, I'm really good at that side.

SPEAKER_00 36:01

I mean, look cigars and if these fringes go up.

SPEAKER_03 36:07

Oh it's kind of like that. Little honey. A little honey on the end.

SPEAKER_00 36:12

Oh yeah, these are nice. Ooh, they're sweet. I do love these hats though, actually.

SPEAKER_03 36:18

I feel like we should wear these. Well, I think that's how they're American or they're like more like Mexican. It's like Mexican.

SPEAKER_00 36:25

It's like the flapper dresses. Like from the 20s.

SPEAKER_03 36:31

Yeah. What shit do you do every day that you would say is super American?

SPEAKER_00 36:38

I I keep thinking so like American is like buying processed food and fucking driving your car. Like I swear, like America is where people like commute. Like other other countries is like it's so crazy to me.

SPEAKER_01 37:01

Like, nobody carpools.

SPEAKER_00 37:04

Here?

SPEAKER_01 37:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 37:05

Yeah. Like it's so crazy though, because like in other countries, like everything is like so much closer together, and people that uh don't live in the city, yeah, or just like farmers. That's it. It's either like you're in the city, yeah, or you're a farmer. Like here, it's like everything is so spread out that you have to fucking drive.

SPEAKER_03 37:30

Yeah, I I feel like though, like a lot of these little like kind of sub areas, right? Like there's like legacy crossing or something like that. There's like Village Point. Like now they're getting smarter where they're building these apartment complexes within the village. And so people who live there can walk to the restaurants. What was that one?

SPEAKER_00 37:53

Uh places. That one that got in trouble for like putting shit in people's drinks. But it had it had a pool above. Oh, yeah. I know which one you're talking about. Attached to an apartment. Yeah, it's a bar restaurant or whatever that's attached to an apartment.

SPEAKER_03 38:10

And then the up the whatever upper deck had the pool. But then I found out before like that that restaurant switched names. If you wanted to go to the bar that was affiliated with the restaurant, after a while, it was only for the residents.

SPEAKER_00 38:30

I mean, that's kind of cool, actually.

SPEAKER_03 38:32

Right?

SPEAKER_00 38:33

You know.

SPEAKER_03 38:34

Yeah. Or you'd have to like buy like a special like package to rent it out if you had like a party or something.

SPEAKER_00 38:41

I had a friend that that did that, and it was I think it was something like you had to buy a bottle.

SPEAKER_03 38:49

Something like that. And like bottle service.

SPEAKER_00 38:51

Yeah. And the problem was uh it was like four of them.

SPEAKER_03 38:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:58

So they they had to drink an entire bottle between four of them. You know, I went there that's hard.

SPEAKER_03 39:06

The day before they shut their doors that place, and I went there for a girls' brunch, and they're like, Oh yeah, it's bottomless mimosas. And we're like, Yeah, well, we'll take it was like a group of like 10 girls. And we're like, Well, we'll take a bottle. And they're like, Well, here, have another bottle. They were just like giving the champagne bottles away.

SPEAKER_00 39:26

Well, they knew.

SPEAKER_03 39:27

Right. And then it was the next day that like we saw it on the news or something, and we're like, they're like, Well, you're here, so you take it. The joke with our girl group was that we drank them out of champagne and they had to close their doors.

SPEAKER_00 39:40

You're the reason why they had to shut their doors a long time.

SPEAKER_03 39:43

It was ours.

SPEAKER_00 39:47

I would say you you do so many like girl things.

SPEAKER_03 39:51

I think mine's out. That is I think mine's out.

SPEAKER_00 39:54

Well, then fucking light it.

SPEAKER_03 39:57

But I do a lot of girl things.

SPEAKER_00 39:59

Yeah, like women, women getting together doing fucking mimosas and shit. That is that seems very American. Yeah. That seems like Mar Lago.

SPEAKER_03 40:11

Yeah. But it's then it's like, what, but let's talk about what I do after I've had that many mimosas. I'm just kidding.

SPEAKER_00 40:17

You drive.

SPEAKER_03 40:18

Well, you've no you drive around. You just go for a drive and you've heard you've seen me afterwards on some of these podcasts.

SPEAKER_01 40:25

So um you're not supposed to inhale these.

SPEAKER_00 40:33

No, I yeah, I'm not.

SPEAKER_01 40:35

No.

SPEAKER_03 40:36

It tastes weird.

SPEAKER_00 40:38

Oh, you inhaled it?

SPEAKER_03 40:39

Probably.

SPEAKER_00 40:42

I mean, these are uh a little tiny one is probably fine.

SPEAKER_01 40:45

Yeah. What else is American that you do?

SPEAKER_00 40:52

I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 40:53

Like, I'd say though beat my dog because I can fucking hear weed whack, I can hear that too.

SPEAKER_00 40:59

Oh, I know. But like a I think a a a real big like American thing is like meat. Gotta eat meat, you know. And I eat a lot of fucking meat.

SPEAKER_03 41:14

That's not like every country, though. That's our state. That's our state.

SPEAKER_00 41:19

Beef. It's was for you. Yeah, I think that it's very Midwestern to just feel like steak and potatoes. Mm-hmm. And I was fucking raised on that shit.

SPEAKER_03 41:31

Oh, for sure. Well, I mean, dad, dad'd be like, what are these these veggie people? He did not like vegetarians.

SPEAKER_00 41:40

Which is crazy because I was I was vegan for like five years.

SPEAKER_03 41:43

Did dad ever know that?

SPEAKER_00 41:45

No.

SPEAKER_03 41:45

No, that's probably a good thing. He would have given you so much shit.

SPEAKER_01 41:50

Well, yeah, he probably would have thought I was a c or something.

SPEAKER_03 41:55

Yeah, probably. But you know what else was very American with dad? It's just like no shirt.

SPEAKER_00 42:05

American.

SPEAKER_03 42:05

Like you. And like no pants. He just I know.

SPEAKER_00 42:10

I'm like fucking dying.

SPEAKER_03 42:12

Right now?

unknown 42:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 42:13

Well, I'm sunburnt, so yeah, you oh shit.

SPEAKER_00 42:17

You are you're red.

SPEAKER_03 42:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 42:20

Maybe we should uh maybe wrap this up.

SPEAKER_03 42:23

What about a hot dog?

SPEAKER_00 42:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 42:25

Should we have a hot dog? I feel like we should. Let's uh That's a very American thing. Or like we can just set them here, maybe? Something like that. I feel like we should definitely you know, hot dog earrings. It's very American to eat hot dogs, right? Fourth of July, it's a big, big old hot dog day.

SPEAKER_00 42:52

Oh, so uh we didn't get like a hot dog uh skewer thing, but we got a abortion.

SPEAKER_03 43:02

It's a it's a hanger that I found. Can't even believe I still had wire hangers.

SPEAKER_00 43:08

I know that is crazy because I don't know. You're losing your put it on top of this. Like that.

SPEAKER_03 43:15

There you go. Can't be starting no forest fires.

SPEAKER_00 43:21

Yeah, fucking smoky the barrel have fucking snow fence. A heart attack.

SPEAKER_03 43:26

How are you gonna do this?

SPEAKER_00 43:27

So I have this thing.

SPEAKER_03 43:28

Oh god. We didn't get a big one. Here, you hold this.

SPEAKER_00 43:32

This will be yours.

SPEAKER_03 43:33

Don't burn my hand or my legs. Should I move my fishing pole? That guy means a lot to me. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 43:49

Fuck yeah, America.

SPEAKER_04 43:51

America, the bear to pull where you can roast a red dog. With a flamethrower. Oh god, look at this. Look at it just burning.

SPEAKER_01 44:08

This is awesome.

SPEAKER_00 44:10

This is the best way to on a fucking abortion tool.

SPEAKER_04 44:18

Can't believe I had a wire hanger. Mom told me no wire hangers. Oh god, oh god, cool. That's gonna be hot. It's not scorch my leg.

SPEAKER_03 44:30

Okay, it's dripping more. All right, think we're good.

SPEAKER_01 44:34

Okay. Don't don't I'm not gonna shove it in my mouth.

SPEAKER_03 44:37

Yeah. Oh god, I can hear it.

unknown 44:40

It's still cooking.

SPEAKER_03 44:43

It looks like flesh.

SPEAKER_00 44:45

That's a good looking dog, though.

SPEAKER_03 44:47

It's splitting. Look at it.

SPEAKER_00 44:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 44:49

That's a good looking dog.

SPEAKER_00 44:50

That's what you want.

SPEAKER_03 44:51

This This is America right here.

SPEAKER_00 44:54

Yeah, this is this is what I like about America is like drinking fucking bushlight.

SPEAKER_03 45:00

Or some sweet tea.

SPEAKER_00 45:02

Uh having a fucking hot dog. Where it's just simpler life.

SPEAKER_01 45:09

Having a stogie.

SPEAKER_00 45:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 45:13

Beautiful.

SPEAKER_00 45:14

We should have like a plate or something.

SPEAKER_01 45:18

I just want to feel how hot it is. Well it's fucking hot.

SPEAKER_00 45:24

It was literally on fire.

SPEAKER_01 45:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 45:29

Well cheers to uh another happy Independence Day.

SPEAKER_00 45:36

Yeah. Why don't we cheers? Happy birthday, America.

SPEAKER_03 45:41

Happy 250th.

SPEAKER_00 45:42

Even though it sounds like we don't, we love you, America.

SPEAKER_03 45:48

Yeah. Thanks for letting us in.

SPEAKER_00 45:49

Cheers. Yeah. Thanks for not killing us, America.

SPEAKER_03 45:53

We'll take our land back anytime now. Thanks.

SPEAKER_01 46:00

And I think with that.

SPEAKER_03 46:03

Let freedom ring.

SPEAKER_00 46:04

Yeah. Please pretend to be kind to each other. And we'll see you on the next one.

SPEAKER_03 46:10

America.

SPEAKER_00 46:11

America. Fuck yeah.

SPEAKER_03 46:14

This is you. Oh, that's America's funniest home videos. Whoops.