Episode 39: Hypothetically speaking!

In this week's episode we discuss some hypothetical events

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

So you have some questions for me, I hear.

SPEAKER_02 0:03

Yeah, this is let's get a little hypothetical.

SPEAKER_01 0:08

Oh no.

SPEAKER_02 0:09

Today. We are just gonna shoot the shit. Not really a spooky theme.

SPEAKER_01 0:15

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 0:16

You know, just kinda just whatever. Uh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 0:20

To call it anything goes.

SPEAKER_02 0:22

Let's get into it. Welcome everybody to Comedyville Horror Podcast. We are your host. I'm Russ. I'm Tosh. And this podcast is a brother and sister team where we talk about anything spooky except for today. Well, I mean, we can talk about spooky shit, but sometimes we do.

SPEAKER_01 1:01

You get to watch us get to know each other better.

unknown 1:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:06

While you get to know us better. How about that?

SPEAKER_02 1:10

Yeah, so it's like a win-win, I guess.

SPEAKER_01 1:14

For everyone. Sometimes it might be shit you don't even want to know about us.

SPEAKER_02 1:20

So yeah. I'm like diarrhea all the time.

SPEAKER_01 1:25

All of the time.

SPEAKER_02 1:28

Um oh, so I I wanted to tell you the other night, uh, we went to like this concert because our tattoo artist is in a band.

SPEAKER_03 1:41

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:41

Right. So, you know, it's like local band stuff, whatever.

SPEAKER_03 1:45

Cool.

SPEAKER_02 1:46

Uh guess where this was this concert. I don't it could be anywhere. It was behind a strip club.

SPEAKER_01 1:59

Stop it.

SPEAKER_02 1:59

It was an outdoor, it was it was so weird.

SPEAKER_01 2:03

Behind a strip club?

SPEAKER_02 2:04

Mm-hmm. Yeah, like where? Uh it was on like 74th and F. Oh, it's American Dream.

SPEAKER_01 2:14

Oh, I know exactly what you're talking about. Oh so was it the property of the strip club that they had this at?

SPEAKER_02 2:24

Yeah, it was literally right behind like, and then to use the bathroom, you had to go into the strip club and use their bathroom.

SPEAKER_01 2:31

And not have to pay?

SPEAKER_02 2:32

Uh-uh. Well, because it was just down, like, because it it goes down.

SPEAKER_01 2:36

You didn't get to go into the actual strip club.

SPEAKER_02 2:38

No, yeah, the strip club itself is upstairs. Uh, but like, you know, it goes the the level goes down and then there's like a stage back there with a bar. Oh, cool. And I think that's that's probably the only way. Because I don't think that strip club is full nude. I think that one might just be uh juice.

SPEAKER_01 3:01

It's a juice bar, isn't it?

SPEAKER_02 3:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:03

Oh wait, juice bar is full nude.

SPEAKER_02 3:05

Yeah. If they if they have booze on the property, I don't think they can.

SPEAKER_01 3:09

Then they gotta do pasties.

SPEAKER_02 3:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:11

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 3:11

Which what's the point of even fucking going if they're not nude?

SPEAKER_01 3:16

If you can't see a nipple?

SPEAKER_02 3:17

Yeah. Or the fucking birth canal.

SPEAKER_01 3:21

Ew.

SPEAKER_02 3:22

If you can't see that, what's the point?

SPEAKER_01 3:26

These are Nebraska strippers. We're not talking Vegas strippers, honey. I mean, I don't know if I want to see any birth canal. It's like a throwing a hot dog down a hallway.

SPEAKER_02 3:36

Yeah. You can get lost in there.

SPEAKER_01 3:38

Gross.

SPEAKER_02 3:39

Uh, but this this venue, so it was kind of sad because it was like there were three bands, right?

SPEAKER_01 3:46

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 3:46

So each one has like at least four guys in it, and then like their girlfriends.

SPEAKER_01 3:53

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 3:54

And then me and my wife, and like four other people were there.

SPEAKER_01 3:58

Oh no.

SPEAKER_02 3:59

I'm like, oh god.

SPEAKER_01 4:00

Like that's rough.

SPEAKER_02 4:02

Yeah, like it sucks for the bands because I doubt that they made very much money doing that.

SPEAKER_01 4:07

Well, I haven't heard about it, so obviously it's not advertised.

SPEAKER_02 4:10

Yeah. I I had never even heard of that place before.

SPEAKER_01 4:14

Huh. Interesting.

SPEAKER_02 4:15

Yeah. And the the stage was like a it was like a trailer that they like cut a fucking big hole out of. It was wild. And like the lighting.

unknown 4:37

Don't play.

SPEAKER_02 4:46

Like just a little tip. Just because you can buy lights on Amazon doesn't mean you should fucking put them up.

SPEAKER_01 4:54

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 4:55

Like it was like just a whole bunch of random fucking lights. Like none of them made any goddamn sense.

SPEAKER_01 5:02

That's like that.

SPEAKER_02 5:03

And then they were just like on like random mode. So like it was there was no like actual lighting.

SPEAKER_01 5:09

Okay. It's like a remote control.

unknown 5:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 5:13

It's a twinkle. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:15

That's like uh what's that place on the river? Um, I like to go I go there like like I do like a river jack around day if the river's low. And then afterwards I like to go get drinks at you watch the airboats. Um Heron Bay. Oh super old. Have you ever been there? Oh, it's a fucking shit show. The place hasn't like I'm pretty sure there's been like 25 floods there over time. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 5:43

And they're not fixing it each time.

SPEAKER_01 5:45

There's like wild cats everywhere, but there's all these trees in the back where you can sit on the patio, and the lights are like that. It's like they're like, huh, rope light. And they just threw it in a fucking tree, like half of it's like hanging down. Like it is fucking wild. It's a shit show, but it's so fun.

SPEAKER_02 6:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:06

I do it every year. So was the band good?

SPEAKER_02 6:10

Yeah, they were good. It was just sad because there was like literally nobody there.

SPEAKER_01 6:14

How were the drinks? Expensive?

SPEAKER_02 6:16

No, they were actually uh pretty reasonable. I think the carbless drinks, because I'm a skinny girl.

SPEAKER_01 6:24

He has a skinny girl. It's getting skinny, getting that sumabody.

SPEAKER_02 6:29

Well, yeah, like you you don't even want to see this in a bikini.

unknown 6:34

Oh.

SPEAKER_02 6:36

But they were I think $4.75.

SPEAKER_01 6:40

Oh, that's not bad.

SPEAKER_02 6:41

So that's yeah, reasonable.

SPEAKER_01 6:42

You go to these places and they're like, oh, it's like $7. That's it.

SPEAKER_02 6:45

Yeah, you go to like a regular bar and it's well, that's the Heron Bay place.

SPEAKER_01 6:49

Like, you can only have two drinks because that's all your 20 will afford. You're like, wait, are we at like a real concert?

SPEAKER_02 6:56

I miss the the days when they had like penny pitchers.

SPEAKER_01 6:59

Oh man. And they were like the little tiny ones.

SPEAKER_02 7:02

But you could get wasted on like four dollars, and that included the tip.

SPEAKER_01 7:07

For sure. Used to be this awesome restaurant, and they would do you'd buy a margarita for three dollars, and then your next one was a penny.

SPEAKER_03 7:15

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 7:16

I'd get so fucked up. White girl wasted. White girl wasted. I don't, I mean, that's what I call it.

SPEAKER_02 7:24

Oh, so before we get into some of the hypothetical questions that I wrote down, let me ask you this hypothetical question. Oh, great. Can't wait. You might know laws better than I do. Uh let's say hypothetically, uh, me and my wife were at a ice cream shop.

SPEAKER_01 7:46

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 7:47

And it was busy as shit. Like there was a big line when we went to leave. And so the the parking spot is like right next to the end of the block. So there's a stop sign there. So as she's backing out, she's turning and she fucking runs over the stop sign hypothetically, of course.

SPEAKER_01 8:10

Oh yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_02 8:12

Um, so like the sign is like in the road. So I'm out there like trying to fucking put it back up, right? But it's like broken, so it's like hypothetically. Yeah, hypothetically speaking.

SPEAKER_01 8:23

Oh, yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_02 8:24

Uh and she's like, just get the fuck back in the car. Like she was all embarrassed because all of these people watched her run over this fucking stuff.

SPEAKER_01 8:34

It's not like her vehicle is just a normal average.

SPEAKER_02 8:40

Yeah, it literally has a name on it that can be found very easily.

unknown 8:47

I mean.

SPEAKER_02 8:48

Uh so we took off. We left, we fled the scene of the crime. And should I turn my wife in to the authorities?

SPEAKER_01 8:58

I don't know. How far away is this from your home?

SPEAKER_02 9:01

It's in the town.

SPEAKER_01 9:03

Oh.

SPEAKER_02 9:03

It's a block from her work.

SPEAKER_01 9:07

No, don't turn around.

SPEAKER_02 9:10

Is it illegal to run over a sign and leave?

SPEAKER_00 9:14

Did you leave it in the street?

SPEAKER_02 9:17

Well, it was like kind of attached, but it like hung over into the street.

SPEAKER_03 9:25

I don't think it's illegal.

SPEAKER_01 9:27

Well, and that's because like who do you call it is I don't know, Ghostbusters.

SPEAKER_02 9:31

You call 911?

unknown 9:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:33

Well, I should call 911 and just be like, my wife was ice cream drunk.

unknown 9:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:39

You should breathe her. Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_01 9:44

Um, I don't know. No, I feel like uh maybe it wasn't. Because it is a crime. But maybe it's public it's destruction of public property.

SPEAKER_03 9:54

Yeah. Government property.

SPEAKER_01 9:56

But it was accidental.

SPEAKER_03 9:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:00

That shine sign that sign should not have even been there. It's a slightly colour.

SPEAKER_02 10:06

Well, it needs yeah, it needs to be there.

SPEAKER_01 10:08

I mean, hopefully there's no accident. But like the the parking by it again to see if somebody fixed it?

SPEAKER_02 10:13

She said it was mostly upright last time she drove by.

SPEAKER_00 10:17

So that's fine. We're good. They fixed it.

SPEAKER_02 10:21

I don't know. Maybe I should just have her arrested. That would be fun.

SPEAKER_01 10:25

You're terrible.

SPEAKER_02 10:26

I'm kidding. This is all hypothetical. It didn't actually happen.

SPEAKER_01 10:29

Yeah, no, of course.

SPEAKER_02 10:31

In case uh the Fremont police are watching this, and we know you are. They probably are. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:40

So uh yeah, let's get into some of the Well, I have a hypothetical situation then that I would like to ask. So, hypothetically speaking, if you go to Walmart and all you're looking for is just a couple of small fake flowers to put on your mom's grave for her birthday that just passed, and you go, you find the three little tiny little fake flower bunch. And one of them, when you get to your self-checkout, still waiting for my W-2s. Um when you get to said self-checkout and one of them no longer has a price tag on it, and you can't find it.

SPEAKER_02 11:28

You throw it in the bag.

SPEAKER_01 11:29

So you just put it in the bag. Is that stealing, hypothetically speaking, if this happened? It's for a good cause.

SPEAKER_02 11:40

I don't think it matters the cause.

SPEAKER_01 11:42

I think it's like they constantly ask you to round up for some fucking child savings shit or something.

SPEAKER_02 11:47

And it's like, no, you motherfuckers, you round up.

SPEAKER_01 11:50

Yeah. You pay me for bagging my shit.

SPEAKER_02 11:52

Yeah. Like.

SPEAKER_01 11:54

So it's not.

SPEAKER_02 11:55

So I steal stuff all the time in the self-checkout. Like it's it's one of those, like, like if you have like two cases of pop, maybe you only scan one of them.

SPEAKER_00 12:06

Don't they check your receipt?

SPEAKER_02 12:08

No.

SPEAKER_00 12:09

Oh.

SPEAKER_02 12:10

Have you seen stuff like so like once you buy it, like they can't fucking check your receipt?

SPEAKER_01 12:15

Oh, yeah. I mean, there's multiple stores I can't go into because when they try to check my receipt, I'm like, yeah, okay, no, I bagged this myself. If you wanted to check my receipt, you should have rang in for me.

SPEAKER_02 12:26

You guys should have been fucking doing this.

SPEAKER_01 12:28

Yeah, sorry.

SPEAKER_02 12:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:29

So hypothetically speaking, it's not stealing. Great. We're good.

SPEAKER_02 12:33

Yeah, I'd say, look, steal all you want, especially these days. Steal fucking cases of meat, fucking all the gas. A cow? Just a live cow. Yeah, steal a cow.

SPEAKER_01 12:47

Why not?

SPEAKER_02 12:48

Yeah. Could you you can't really steal gas. Well, I know. Like how how would you how would you get a cow? If you could steal a cow, how the fuck would you get it home?

SPEAKER_01 12:59

I don't know, because I tried to get a I thought it was a fuzzy pig in the back of my lesborough. Um and it ran away.

SPEAKER_02 13:08

It's a fuzzy pig.

SPEAKER_01 13:09

Well, so come to find out.

SPEAKER_02 13:11

This all sounds very lesbian.

SPEAKER_01 13:14

It was a wild pig. So it probably got loose.

SPEAKER_02 13:18

A real pig?

SPEAKER_01 13:19

Yeah. I literally was on the phone with my friend and I was like, hey, I gotta let you go. I gotta catch this pig. And she's like, wait, what? I'm like, it's fuzzy. And I hung up. And uh come to find out, because it like when I got close, I saw that it actually was growing tusks. And so that's what happens when like wild pig, like a domestic pig goes wild. They actually will grow.

SPEAKER_02 13:44

It was a feral pig.

SPEAKER_01 13:46

Sure was, and I was gonna try to get it. Can you imagine the destruction that would have happened to my number one body and probably my vehicle if I would have actually coaxed a fucking wild pig?

SPEAKER_02 14:00

Could you imagine your house?

SPEAKER_01 14:02

Like well, I didn't know it was in my car. I I wasn't gonna bring it into my house. I was gonna get a little bit more.

SPEAKER_02 14:06

Oh, I thought you were gonna keep it as a pet.

SPEAKER_01 14:07

Well, maybe I didn't catch it. But I will never live it down there.

SPEAKER_02 14:13

It would destroy everything.

SPEAKER_01 14:16

So many of my friends are like, you tried to get a fucking wild pig in the back of your Subaru.

SPEAKER_02 14:22

Up here.

SPEAKER_01 14:23

Well, I'd I thought it was more in the south. I think because it was, I don't know how many years ago this was. Not that long ago, but it probably got like loose from somebody's farm.

SPEAKER_02 14:34

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:35

And it's just like roaming or like from the floor.

SPEAKER_02 14:37

Yeah, because we do have like we're like the biggest pork producers because our fucking piece of shit, governor pillin.

SPEAKER_01 14:46

My friend told me that there are more hogs in Iowa than there are people population-wise. Did you know that?

SPEAKER_02 14:55

It wouldn't surprise me. Nobody wants to fucking live in Iowa.

SPEAKER_01 14:59

Nobody wants to live here.

SPEAKER_02 15:00

Well, I know.

SPEAKER_01 15:01

What are you talking about?

SPEAKER_02 15:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:04

But yeah, so um, so I don't know how you would get a cow home because I can't get a fucking pig home.

SPEAKER_02 15:10

You just you have to lure it the whole like 18 miles, you have like a little carrot or something in front of it. Or like on a on a stick. Something on a string and a stick. You're writing on the back of it.

SPEAKER_00 15:24

Oh my god, seriously.

SPEAKER_02 15:26

That's funny. Uh so um, let's see. What if they were able to figure out like a pill that you could take?

SPEAKER_03 15:37

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 15:39

And you pay a bunch of money for this pill, but it meant that you wouldn't need to sleep again.

SPEAKER_03 15:48

Would you take it?

SPEAKER_00 15:51

Like I would never ever be able to sleep again.

SPEAKER_03 15:54

Yeah, you wouldn't have to sleep.

SPEAKER_01 15:56

No, I like to sleep. I like a good shut-eye.

SPEAKER_02 16:02

But no, it's like uh you're like totally fine. Like you don't need it anymore if you take this.

SPEAKER_01 16:07

Oh god, there'd be so much shit I could get done.

SPEAKER_02 16:10

See, my thing is sometimes I I I'll go to bed early just because I'm bored. Like I think I would have too much time.

SPEAKER_00 16:19

Seriously? Because you're bored?

SPEAKER_02 16:22

Yeah. Like what is that like? Where you know, like you're scrolling through like fucking Netflix or something, and you're like, it's literally the same four fucking movies over and over and over and over, and then you're just like, fuck it, I'll just go to bed.

SPEAKER_01 16:36

You have way too much time on your hands.

SPEAKER_03 16:40

Probably.

SPEAKER_01 16:41

Probably. Um, no, I don't like there are so many days that it's opposite for me where I'm like, I just want to go to bed, but I still have so much shit to do. You know, like I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 16:55

So you would take it.

SPEAKER_01 16:57

Probably. I but if I could I would only take it if I could stop it at some point because I think there would become a time where I would just be like, I well, I've done I've done everything.

SPEAKER_02 17:13

Literally everything. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:15

Yeah. Like you can only start with the stuff. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_02 17:18

It's like you would get bored.

SPEAKER_01 17:20

Probably. That's like what is um what is it, like Alaska, where they have like it's no daylight all fucking day. Fuck that.

SPEAKER_02 17:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:29

No, I like the dark.

SPEAKER_03 17:32

So same scenario, a pill.

SPEAKER_01 17:37

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 17:38

Uh, but you'd never feel pain again.

SPEAKER_01 17:42

1000%.

SPEAKER_02 17:44

See, I I've read uh there are people that like something's wrong with like their nerves and shit, and they can't feel pain anymore, but they're always like like they'll like fucking break their leg and shit and or like burn the fuck out of their hands or like their mouth and shit because they can't feel anything.

SPEAKER_01 18:04

Wow. See now you're putting it in like a whole different collection.

SPEAKER_02 18:07

Well, and like what if what if it also meant too that like uh because like if if you couldn't feel pain, then then you couldn't feel like pleasure.

SPEAKER_01 18:16

So then it's like Well, you didn't say that.

SPEAKER_02 18:19

What the fuck is the point of like even being alive?

SPEAKER_03 18:23

Well, I mean Yeah, the pleasure thing.

SPEAKER_01 18:29

I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 18:31

No, but you would never never feel pleasure either for the rest of your life.

SPEAKER_01 18:35

Well, that's sad.

SPEAKER_02 18:36

Yeah, like so every time like you have butt sex or whatever you do, whatever you do, like it wouldn't feel good anymore.

SPEAKER_01 18:45

And then that's just like well you really talk about putting things in your butt lock. No, feel bad for your your shampoo bottles.

SPEAKER_02 18:57

I get the big square ones.

SPEAKER_01 19:01

Some old spice.

SPEAKER_02 19:02

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 19:04

All right, give me another hypothetical.

SPEAKER_02 19:08

Let's say, let's say a fucking like super rich guy comes up and he's like, I want your arm. How much money would you be willing to have him fucking chop off your arm?

SPEAKER_01 19:21

Which one?

SPEAKER_02 19:22

Your dominant, your right hand.

SPEAKER_03 19:26

Cause that that would be worth more. No, I couldn't fish. You don't think you could learn with one left arm?

SPEAKER_00 19:36

No. I have to fucking be like a old bamboo pole.

SPEAKER_02 19:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:40

How could I cast?

SPEAKER_02 19:42

You you get it going.

SPEAKER_01 19:44

Well, that's like fly.

SPEAKER_02 19:45

Fly fishing.

SPEAKER_01 19:47

Uh-uh. Oh no, I'm not giving my hand. Nothing? No.

SPEAKER_02 19:50

Not not even fucking billions of dollars.

SPEAKER_01 19:53

No.

SPEAKER_02 19:53

You could get a fucking robotic arm.

SPEAKER_01 19:57

No, I don't want my arm chopped off.

SPEAKER_02 19:59

But the guy has to the guy keeps the arm.

SPEAKER_01 20:03

Okay, now we're going crazy. What's he gonna do with it?

SPEAKER_02 20:07

Exactly. That's like, do you want your arm to be he could eat it?

SPEAKER_01 20:12

You well.

SPEAKER_02 20:13

He could uh fucking do weird shit with it.

SPEAKER_01 20:16

Nope. I don't want anything chopped off. I have a high probability for infection to happen.

SPEAKER_02 20:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:24

So probably not.

SPEAKER_00 20:26

Would you?

SPEAKER_02 20:28

There's not many things that I wouldn't do for like a hundred bucks.

SPEAKER_01 20:33

Your arm.

SPEAKER_02 20:35

Yeah. $100 is a lot nowadays.

SPEAKER_01 20:37

Oh my god.

unknown 20:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 20:40

I don't fucking need it.

SPEAKER_01 20:42

You don't need that arm. Yours would be on display with my.

SPEAKER_02 20:45

I think though, like trying to wipe with my left would be so fucking bad.

SPEAKER_01 20:51

You'd have mud butt all the time.

SPEAKER_02 20:52

I I don't know. I don't know if I could. I would have to like drape the toilet paper over something and just shimmy on it.

SPEAKER_01 21:01

Because I don't know if I could figure out how to fucking You'd have to do like a like a dude wipe strip and just like floss it. But you couldn't.

SPEAKER_02 21:13

So you'd have to have your wife grab the other side and then you have a bath towel that's like attached to the wall at like waist height, then you uh use your one arm and just shimmy it.

SPEAKER_01 21:28

How many how many times in your life have you had real bad shits and had to use like your sock or like a bath mat or like a leaf?

SPEAKER_02 21:41

No, that's I give up.

SPEAKER_01 21:43

You just give up?

SPEAKER_02 21:44

You just go I'm like I I have to go home and shower immediately.

SPEAKER_01 21:53

So bad.

SPEAKER_02 21:54

Yeah. That's you ever have those fucking good shits where you're just like, this deserves a shower.

SPEAKER_01 22:00

Yeah, well just got out of the shower, going right back in.

unknown 22:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:05

Uh let's see, what else? Um oh this kind of ties into some earlier questions.

SPEAKER_03 22:12

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 22:13

If you could get away with any crime, what crime would you do?

SPEAKER_03 22:21

If I could get away with any crime?

SPEAKER_01 22:26

Oh my god. There's so many.

SPEAKER_02 22:28

There's so many fun crimes that to choose from.

SPEAKER_01 22:35

So mine, I think I would do a B E, but then like not steal anything. I just ransack. No, I'm not sure. Yeah, because then for years they would be like, what did they take?

SPEAKER_02 22:51

Yeah, you just take like their fucking phone chargers and put them like stupid. Just hide them.

SPEAKER_01 22:57

Right?

SPEAKER_02 22:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:59

No, I don't know. I I've always wanted to kick a door in.

SPEAKER_02 23:03

Like I've just You literally can. It's not illegal to kick your own door in.

SPEAKER_01 23:07

I don't want to kick my own door in, then I have to fix it. I want to like kick somebody else's door in.

SPEAKER_02 23:12

Yeah. You can find like a fucking abandoned building.

SPEAKER_01 23:16

I also want to um, you know, I and I think I've talked about this multiple times, but when I go to the grocery store and those fucking carts for the drive-thru people that can't go to the grocery store themselves and they have to fucking order their shit online. Stop it. That should only be at a certain time, meaning the middle of the night, that they should be able to get their fucking orders all day long.

SPEAKER_02 23:41

And I think those people too, like that's all that they do.

SPEAKER_01 23:44

Yeah, and it's literally every time I'm in an aisle and I just need that one fucking thing, but there's always a cart.

SPEAKER_02 23:53

I want to-standing there, like looking at their little fucking phone thing or whatever the hell that thing is.

SPEAKER_01 23:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 24:00

And it's like, Will you fucking hurry up?

SPEAKER_01 24:03

Oh my god, it happened to me yesterday. And I I was looking for one thing.

SPEAKER_02 24:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:08

And it was a store that I'm not as familiar with. And I go, Hi, um, can you help me find you? And she goes, No, Ingles. Yeah, no, Ingres. And then she I hate those people. The little thing to look it up.

SPEAKER_02 24:22

You're like, I don't know how to fucking work your computer.

SPEAKER_01 24:25

And so I type it in and I go, What what aisle? She's like, take you. And then I had to fucking follow her. I'm like, you gotta be shitting me. But the crime that I want.

SPEAKER_02 24:37

Kill that person.

SPEAKER_01 24:38

No, I just want to fucking like go in there and like ramp my fucking cart so hard and like burn them. I don't know. Like burn people. Not the people, the cart. Like, I just it's so bad. I get my blood pressure just skyrockets. If I have a stroke, it's going to be at a grocery store.

SPEAKER_02 25:00

Yeah, probably. Like, I fucking can't. I feel like it's getting worse and worse.

SPEAKER_01 25:04

Some guy yelled at me in the middle of the fucking eye, or I was walking to my car. Sorry, buddy. I had to actually cross an area and not get by this other car that was backing up. He's like, walk in the fucking middle, lady. I stopped and I was like, what the fuck did you say? I was I almost got in a fight.

SPEAKER_02 25:23

Like that was my my wife is like, I'm crazy at a girlfriend. Yeah, she she will say stuff to people where I'm just like, I'll literally just walk around them. But she's like, we fucking move. You know, she like that. I'm like, it wasn't a problem.

SPEAKER_01 25:42

Those are the those are the stores I can no longer go into because I may have done that a couple of times. I remember I went and bought, I just needed a broom. It was like way back when I like had just moved into a house.

SPEAKER_02 25:59

You needed a ride. I broom nice one, bitch.

SPEAKER_01 26:05

Um and I just needed a fucking broom. And you know, you walk in and all the brooms are like standing in the like the two like little prongs. And there's a fucking lady there on her phone on speaker.

SPEAKER_02 26:19

I hate when people are on fucking speaker.

SPEAKER_01 26:21

Two children in her cart just fucking screaming. And she clearly can see that I'm looking at all the brooms, but her cart is parked right in front of where I need to be. She wouldn't move. And I was like, excuse me, excuse me, excuse me. She just like looked at me, didn't fucking move, and I go, okay. So I reach over and grab a broom, and all of the brooms come tumbling down, like on her kids, whatever. And she's like, What the fuck, lady? I said, I asked you to move. I fucking took the broom that I had in my hand, threw it down on the ground, and walked out. I was like, I'm not gonna go back there for six months.

SPEAKER_02 26:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 27:01

Fuck that place. You know what crime I would do?

SPEAKER_01 27:03

Yeah, tell me.

SPEAKER_02 27:05

Uh, insider trading.

SPEAKER_01 27:08

Ooh. That's a good one.

SPEAKER_02 27:11

I mean, Trump already does it.

SPEAKER_01 27:13

I would embezzle.

SPEAKER_02 27:14

Yeah. I would, I would definitely to get away with one crime, like it would definitely be like something like that.

SPEAKER_01 27:21

Yeah, where you could just all this money and like the caymans.

SPEAKER_02 27:24

Yeah, like and it doesn't really hurt anybody. Because it's like, oh, so you're hurting rich people?

SPEAKER_01 27:29

You know, like Yeah, I like that.

SPEAKER_02 27:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:32

They have enough money anyway.

SPEAKER_02 27:34

Oh, I know. Like the fucking like I hate, you know, uh, Elon was the first trillionaire or whatever.

SPEAKER_04 27:40

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 27:40

And I hate how it's like before this, that like what was it, fucking a couple years ago, where him and Bezos were battling for riches or whatever.

SPEAKER_01 27:52

Whatever.

SPEAKER_02 27:52

And people were like, you could literally save world hunger. And he was like, Well, how much would it take? Somebody show me. And so like people actually figured out how much it would take. Okay. And it was it wasn't very much, like compared to what he had, he would still be the world's richest motherfucker and never be able to spend all of it, you know.

SPEAKER_01 28:14

And just didn't want to and he's just like, nah, nah.

SPEAKER_02 28:18

Fuck people.

SPEAKER_01 28:20

I mean, that is like survival of the fittest, right?

SPEAKER_02 28:24

Or it's I mean, but when you have that much, you couldn't even spend all of it. You know? And your whole lifetime. Yeah. You would have to spend billions a day. Like, cause what what was the thing? I don't even know what I would buy. Like, if you just started counting, like one, two, three, four, it would take what was it, like thirty-three minutes or something like that uh to reach a million.

SPEAKER_03 28:58

Uh to reach a billion would take three months.

SPEAKER_02 29:04

That's how uh big of a gap that is. That's crazy. Yeah, it's so it's something crazy like that, that it would that's wild.

SPEAKER_01 29:14

Yeah, let's embezzle.

SPEAKER_02 29:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:17

For sure.

SPEAKER_02 29:18

Okay, next one. Uh so if if time travel travel were real, what moment would you go back to and we you change anything or just oh man like in my lifetime?

SPEAKER_03 29:41

Any the whole history of anything.

SPEAKER_01 29:44

I don't know. I guess I would probably kill Hitler.

SPEAKER_02 29:51

Would you kill Hitler as a baby? Would you kill a baby?

SPEAKER_01 29:55

Maybe.

SPEAKER_02 29:56

Seeing that that's always the thing of like uh I don't You think you could kill a baby? No, I don't think you can kill like wait until he's like a teenager where he's like all shitty and like email, like, oh my god, it's so hard. Bing me.

SPEAKER_01 30:09

Yeah, like oh my gosh, I'm gonna kill so many people.

unknown 30:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:14

Um, I don't know. I think like the first sign of him being a little asshole, I would just fucking murder him.

SPEAKER_02 30:20

Where he's like, you'll know these Jews, what is he they're they're very stinky, and then you just go right shoot him.

SPEAKER_01 30:28

I don't know. That's a hard one because there's so many like.

SPEAKER_03 30:31

But also, like so, but then if Hitler didn't exist, uh would Trump be a good guy?

SPEAKER_02 30:42

Because he had nothing to look up to.

SPEAKER_01 30:44

Oh my god. Okay. Let's not make this political again.

SPEAKER_02 30:51

What would you do? It's always political.

SPEAKER_01 30:52

I it is with you.

SPEAKER_02 30:55

So with time travel, yeah. Um there's certain things that I don't think I could go back that far. One has to have indoor plumbing because there's no way that I'm fucking shitting old timey.

SPEAKER_01 31:12

Not with your bowels.

SPEAKER_02 31:13

You know, like uh has to have a toilet. I'm so accustomed to a toilet that there's no way that I could ever go back in time to when toilets didn't exist.

SPEAKER_01 31:25

And like like air conditioning.

SPEAKER_02 31:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:28

Like a stinky toilet. Oh my god, so hot and steamy.

SPEAKER_02 31:32

Yeah, like a fucking an outhouse where it was like wood and just a fucking hole.

SPEAKER_01 31:37

Oh my god. Like outhouses. Where did I go? Oh, that wine thing. The outhouses, because it was kind of warm that day. Porta potties. Oh, porta potty.

SPEAKER_03 31:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:47

It's like a fucking sauna. I don't want to sweat when I'm taking a shit.

SPEAKER_02 31:51

Don't I mean I'm already I'm already a sweaty shitter.

SPEAKER_01 31:55

Same.

SPEAKER_02 31:56

You know, in air conditioning.

SPEAKER_01 31:58

So like you put me in a hot box. I can't, I just can't. And it's a stinky hot box. No, thank you.

SPEAKER_02 32:08

So yeah, I would probably go back to like I shit my pants one time. But like go back like right before that and be like, I should eat a banana. Or just be like, you're gonna want a diaper.

SPEAKER_01 32:22

You know, you're gonna want to be in the shower. Probably.

SPEAKER_02 32:26

Yeah, don't go to work this early because you won't make it.

SPEAKER_01 32:30

Yeah. I mean, I feel like there's many, many uh, you know, if I could, I don't know, just probably some of my dumb decisions that I'd made in the past. And I'm like, oh, hmm, probably should have thought that one through.

SPEAKER_02 32:45

Yeah, there's a lot.

SPEAKER_01 32:47

There's a lot of those. We would be here all day, everyone.

SPEAKER_02 32:51

Um, next one. If you could clone yourself, what would you have them do?

SPEAKER_01 32:59

If I could clone myself? Oh, I go back to the skinny version of myself, number one.

SPEAKER_02 33:04

No, it's uh right now you duplicate yourself. What do you have your clone?

SPEAKER_01 33:12

Oh, what do I have them do? Yeah, like everything go to work for me.

SPEAKER_02 33:17

Uh so you are a fan of slavery. Because that's basically what it is.

SPEAKER_01 33:24

But it's myself.

SPEAKER_02 33:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:26

So, I mean, I know I'm good at what I do. But I want to go fuck around and be outside and fish and do all the other shit. So I'd make my clone do all of my responsibilities. Well, I just get to fuck around. Now we're talking.

SPEAKER_02 33:42

But what if what if two, like your clone it looks like you and it functions as a human, but it doesn't know anything that you know.

SPEAKER_01 33:52

Well, then why the fuck would I make a fucking clone?

SPEAKER_02 33:54

I don't need another one of me running around. Free slavery.

SPEAKER_01 33:57

I don't need another one of my sons. But I I guess I could train it.

SPEAKER_02 34:00

Yeah. Well, it so, and if you jerk off your clone, you is that masturbation?

SPEAKER_00 34:08

No.

SPEAKER_03 34:10

But it's you.

SPEAKER_00 34:11

You, you jerk off your clone.

SPEAKER_02 34:14

Well, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:15

You probably have sex with your clone.

SPEAKER_02 34:18

No.

SPEAKER_01 34:18

He wants to do himself. Stop playing with yourself.

SPEAKER_02 34:22

No.

SPEAKER_01 34:23

See, I don't think you would say I would have so many jokes. Oh my god, it would be really bad. This is probably why I'm ate my twin in utero. See, I think I did not everyone fly in Jesus.

SPEAKER_02 34:39

But I think I would definitely like the one thing that I fucking hate doing is waiting in line. Like, you ever been somewhere and the line is just super fucking long? You know?

SPEAKER_01 34:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 34:54

Yeah, that would be my placeholder all the time.

SPEAKER_00 34:58

Well, that's a great idea. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 35:03

Um what else do we got?

SPEAKER_01 35:05

Give me another one.

SPEAKER_02 35:06

Oh, so if you could, if uh the owner of let's say Amazon had a fucking penis-shaped rocket ship, would you go to outer space?

SPEAKER_03 35:21

If you could. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 35:26

Would I go to space? Well, are you leaving me up there like they do with the monkeys?

SPEAKER_02 35:31

Well, yeah, so that's what it's like.

SPEAKER_01 35:32

I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 35:34

Yeah, how about if it's a one-way ticket? But you'd be the first person.

SPEAKER_01 35:39

No.

SPEAKER_02 35:39

And it's safe.

SPEAKER_01 35:42

And there's nobody else there? Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 35:44

But you'd be the first person.

SPEAKER_01 35:46

I'm such a people person. I cannot be in solitude that long.

SPEAKER_02 35:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 35:50

Fuck, I did terrible at COVID.

SPEAKER_02 35:54

I was like I thrived in COVID. I feel like much fun. Like I literally had to work every day. Like I never got a fucking day off.

SPEAKER_01 36:02

Same. I was in healthcare.

SPEAKER_02 36:04

Yeah. But I was in fucking construction and that shit boomed during COVID.

SPEAKER_01 36:10

Yeah, it did. No, I do I need people. I need my people.

SPEAKER_02 36:17

But okay, so what if what if you could go to space with a group of people of your choosing?

SPEAKER_00 36:25

Oh, can I come back if it sucks?

SPEAKER_02 36:29

No, it's there, it's one-way ticket, but you get to choose. It could be anybody too.

SPEAKER_01 36:36

Sure. I would do it. If I could take my group of my favorite people, you bet.

SPEAKER_02 36:42

I don't know if I could because I'd be like, these motherfuckers are so annoying.

SPEAKER_01 36:46

No, that's why you take the people that you love and that you enjoy being with.

SPEAKER_02 36:51

But then but you don't live 24-7 with most of them.

SPEAKER_01 36:58

Well, if they're annoying, then do you have You kill them. You kill them. And then you have food.

SPEAKER_02 37:04

You're like, why don't you go for a stroll outside?

SPEAKER_01 37:06

Like, oh, see that pond? It's actually mercury, but good luck.

SPEAKER_02 37:11

Oh, this is a this one's crazy. Uh let's say somebody viciously murders your dog.

SPEAKER_01 37:22

I'd kill him.

SPEAKER_02 37:24

Do you like immediately?

SPEAKER_01 37:25

For sure.

SPEAKER_02 37:26

What if you what if you had to figure out who it was? What if like John Wick style?

SPEAKER_01 37:30

Like you fucking Oh, I'd fuck him up. I'd try to, I'd I would 100% come up with a plan. It would be premeditated because you don't fuck with my dogs.

SPEAKER_03 37:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 37:45

And if they viciously like killed my dog, oh no.

SPEAKER_02 37:49

What if they accidentally like they fucking uh what if what if they ran over your dog but they were like all like they didn't care at all? Like what if it was an accident but they didn't fucking I mean if it was an accident then you pull out your gun.

SPEAKER_01 38:05

Then I would have no I mean I wouldn't have I wouldn't kill them.

SPEAKER_02 38:12

But let's say it's just like a like a fucking valley girl, like uh well, it's just a stupid dog.

SPEAKER_01 38:19

Oh, I'd make her life a living hell for the rest of her life. Yeah, I wouldn't kill her. I would fucking care forever.

SPEAKER_02 38:26

I would find out where she fucking lives and just torture her like every day. No, but you can eat that and it's chocolate's pretty good.

SPEAKER_01 38:38

Do you know I'd sent somebody a chocolate dick? They don't know it's me. I actually took it with listen to a podcast to a different state when I was visiting and then mailed it from the different state and then wrote on the thing eat a dick and that's funny.

SPEAKER_02 39:00

A joke like a friend, or like you hate them.

SPEAKER_01 39:03

Like might have been somebody that we know.

SPEAKER_02 39:05

Oh, really?

SPEAKER_01 39:07

Somebody that it may have been.

unknown 39:12

That's funny. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_03 39:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 39:16

Pretty good. I got it as a fucking white elephant gift, and I had it in my fridge for like.

SPEAKER_02 39:22

Well, yeah, because you can't just leave it out.

SPEAKER_01 39:24

No, it was a giant chocolate dick. That's right. I did that.

SPEAKER_03 39:31

Uh okay, next one.

SPEAKER_02 39:34

Let's say you become the leader of a cult.

SPEAKER_00 39:42

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 39:44

What's your cult? I don't know. It could be anything. Well, let's start with are you having a religious cult or is it like a it's like a party cult. It's a fishing cult.

SPEAKER_01 39:55

Probably. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 39:57

Part of the the cult is like uh you make them give all of their material possessions as in uh fishing poles and to me. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:08

No, I don't know. I mean, it would probably be like some like an adventure cult. Like I love an adventure. Like I'm there already is one.

SPEAKER_02 40:17

Uh what's the one? God damn it.

SPEAKER_01 40:22

I mean, I don't want to be like naked and like naked and afraid type shit. Yeah. But like adventure, like just, I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 40:30

The adventure club. Or like a travel. Cause like they like you go to like tops of mountains and shit with like their little flag and all this shit.

SPEAKER_01 40:38

Yeah, I don't need to climb a mountain.

SPEAKER_02 40:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:41

Uh-uh. Give me a gondola ride up to that bitch with some booze, but yeah. How about you? Tell me about your cult. Mountain biking.

SPEAKER_04 40:52

Extreme.

SPEAKER_02 40:54

No, I well, I haven't actually been mountain biking in a while because like the one close to me is fucking mud. Well, yeah, like it'll fucking the weekends that it's open, it'll rain all week. You know, like it's like, god damn it. But during the summer, it closes so many times because they're having events out there.

SPEAKER_01 41:15

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 41:17

So it's like, god damn it. Like, but I see, and that's the thing is like I don't know if there's anything that I like enough to like you were such a lion, bitch. No, like plants.

SPEAKER_01 41:32

Well, but fishies, koi fish club.

SPEAKER_02 41:36

I mean, but I could also like just I could stop that one day and be totally fine. Death metal. Yeah, it would it would have to be like a like a a a cult of metal.

SPEAKER_03 41:51

Aren't we a cult?

SPEAKER_02 41:52

Well, yeah, we kind of are. Kind of. It's a horrible cult. It's a two-member cult.

SPEAKER_01 41:58

That is well, and all of you watchers and viewers, thank you for you guys are part of this cult. Thank you for joining our cult.

SPEAKER_02 42:07

Next one. Oh, so this is so would you rather uh go back and be reborn, uh, but you have to start completely over, but with all of the knowledge that you have now, or given $10 million right now.

SPEAKER_01 42:33

$10 million right now. I don't want to relive those fucking years.

SPEAKER_03 42:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 42:38

I could $10 million right now, buy a job, no way, and fucking travel and do all of the shit that I want to do.

SPEAKER_02 42:47

Yeah. Yeah, I think for the the rest of my days, yeah. Would just be better. Because like, yeah, you can go back and like you were born and stuff. But also, like for me, like I'd get to relive the 90s. And then you put a bunch of money in like Netflix and Amazon. That is true.

SPEAKER_01 43:08

Well, you would create it. You know how sin. Yeah, I would create Amazon.

SPEAKER_02 43:13

The Bezos.

SPEAKER_01 43:14

Yeah. That now we're talking. But I mean, I guess I would have my body that I had like that. Hmm. No. $10 million. I could get plastic surgery. Fuck. Yeah, it's kind of like personal trainer, plastic surgery.

SPEAKER_02 43:29

I mean, 10 million, you could still live real well. You know? We're good.

SPEAKER_01 43:34

Oh, give me the 10 mil.

SPEAKER_02 43:36

But then having to live through fucking Trump again. Oh fuck.

SPEAKER_01 43:40

Oh, God.

SPEAKER_02 43:41

What a nightmare. Goddamn Obama.

SPEAKER_01 43:43

Tear wheat coats. Please knock it off.

SPEAKER_02 43:47

Uh how do you think he would fare in prison?

SPEAKER_01 43:51

Oh, I would have to kill myself.

SPEAKER_02 43:55

Really? Now I could see you getting like cornrows.

SPEAKER_01 44:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 44:00

And like being total lesbo and run in that self-block.

SPEAKER_01 44:05

I would probably be a leader. We'd have a lot of fun. Everybody.

SPEAKER_02 44:09

I I would be such a little bitch.

SPEAKER_01 44:11

You would totally get butt raped every day.

SPEAKER_02 44:12

Oh, yeah. And you'd like willingly.

SPEAKER_01 44:15

That's but I yeah, I would be I'd be the ringleader.

SPEAKER_03 44:22

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 44:23

So I'd probably do really well. But being locked up, like, can it be a prison where I can go outside?

SPEAKER_02 44:31

No, this is well, yeah. What if it's a maximum security prison?

SPEAKER_01 44:38

I'd probably get in so many fights.

SPEAKER_02 44:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 44:41

I'd get in fights until then I was the leader.

unknown 44:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 44:47

You would.

SPEAKER_01 44:48

I'd be creating all sorts of shanks and shit with like toothbrushes.

SPEAKER_02 44:52

I think the hardest part too would be like having to like keister cigarettes.

SPEAKER_03 44:58

That would that would not work.

SPEAKER_01 45:02

How would you even do that? Cellophane?

SPEAKER_03 45:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 45:08

I'd probably I'd have to work in the kitchen just to get all my products. Oh God.

SPEAKER_02 45:17

Yeah, I know. I I there's no way that I would ever make it through prison.

SPEAKER_01 45:23

Mm-mm. Mm-mm. You would not.

SPEAKER_02 45:28

Um, this is kind of a fun one.

SPEAKER_03 45:32

If they made a billboard about you, what would it say?

unknown 45:41

What the fuck?

SPEAKER_03 45:43

It would say, what the fuck?

SPEAKER_01 45:45

Um would probably say like I don't know, keep it weird or some shit.

SPEAKER_03 45:54

Like keep it weird.

SPEAKER_01 45:55

Yeah. I don't know. Don't ask too many questions, as I fucking always do. Shut your pie hole.

SPEAKER_02 46:04

Like fuck your tits.

SPEAKER_01 46:07

Like something weird where people are like, don't yell at your fucking dogs. Don't do what this girl does. I ooh, there would be so many. Don't do drugs, kids.

SPEAKER_02 46:18

I think it would just be funny of just like something so fucking random that people are like, I don't know how I feel about that.

SPEAKER_01 46:27

Like banana rama.

SPEAKER_02 46:29

Or yeah, like fucking tractors cause cancer. You know, like they're like, what? I don't I don't think that's even possible.

SPEAKER_01 46:38

Gingers have no souls.

SPEAKER_02 46:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 46:41

What would yours say?

SPEAKER_02 46:43

It would be something like just really funny that like people see it and they're like, I don't get it. Don't get it.

SPEAKER_01 46:52

Which is this entire podcast.

SPEAKER_02 46:53

Yeah, basically. Nobody gets it. I don't even fucking get it.

SPEAKER_01 46:57

We don't.

SPEAKER_02 46:58

No. Uh the last one that I have, and then if you want, we could just brainstorm other ones. Uh, but do you think, like, let's say today, cell phones became obsolete? Do you think that you could fucking live in a world without a cell phone after having one for so many years now?

SPEAKER_01 47:25

I mean, I definitely could. I if no one had one. Do you know what I mean? Like if I was the only one.

SPEAKER_02 47:31

Well, yeah, what if you were the only one? What if what if you committed a cell phone crime and they're like, you can never have a cell phone anymore?

SPEAKER_01 47:39

Well, I'd lose my job because Lord.

SPEAKER_02 47:41

Well, but no, you could you could still do your job. It just has to be through the mail.

SPEAKER_01 47:49

No, I deal with like imminent dying.

SPEAKER_02 47:52

Well, yeah, like I mean, like, well, you get sorry the mail didn't.

SPEAKER_01 47:57

They're like, they missed away.

SPEAKER_02 47:59

Yeah, you go to visit and they're like, oh, they died two days ago.

SPEAKER_01 48:03

Well, that just happened to me.

SPEAKER_02 48:05

So um with cell phones, even.

SPEAKER_01 48:09

I I don't know why that family didn't even call me. I just showed up. How weird of an awkward knock knock knock. Hi, I'm here for the visit. Oh, she passed away at 2 a.m. Yeah, she did. You guys could have fucking called me. I felt terrible. Yeah. But um no, I didn't unless I mean I would have to like live off the grid at that point and then just be like, fuck you all. Like, yeah. And like, I don't know, be foraging for berries with like a well, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 48:45

Like yeah, definitely.

SPEAKER_01 48:47

I don't think I can do it.

SPEAKER_02 48:48

Following the theme of this episode, uh shit. When was the last time you took like a fucking 1994 shit like without your phone?

SPEAKER_01 48:57

Oh, I take 1994 shits all the time.

SPEAKER_02 49:00

Oh what? I I can't.

SPEAKER_01 49:02

I don't have time half the time to find where I put my phone to get to the fucking bathroom.

SPEAKER_02 49:07

It's a dire situation.

SPEAKER_01 49:09

It is like fucking the meat, sweats, chills, everything. I need to get it out of me. So I take many a shit without anything to read.

SPEAKER_02 49:19

Not me. I I have read it, it helps me relax.

SPEAKER_01 49:23

Um, doesn't it really?

SPEAKER_02 49:25

To just no.

SPEAKER_01 49:27

I have read the back of my soap container so many times because Oh, I know.

SPEAKER_02 49:33

I have a like an old Ripley's Believe It or Not book in the bathroom just in case I fucking don't have my phone.

SPEAKER_01 49:41

I have a crossword puzzle. That's right. I'm like, I guess I take more of like old lady shits.

SPEAKER_02 49:49

Old lady shits.

SPEAKER_01 49:50

That's so bad. Why do we talk about shit all the time? Nobody wants to hear about our bowel problems.

SPEAKER_02 49:56

Or do they?

SPEAKER_01 49:57

Or do they?

SPEAKER_02 49:58

I don't know. Why don't why don't you give comment if you don't want any more shit talk?

SPEAKER_01 50:08

It's so bad.

SPEAKER_02 50:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 50:11

This was fun.

SPEAKER_02 50:12

People can't enjoy this.

SPEAKER_01 50:13

I I hope somebody does. Yeah, you hear about the ins and outs of our lives.

SPEAKER_02 50:21

Yeah. This was a fun episode, I think.

SPEAKER_01 50:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 50:23

Just a little bullshit episode.

SPEAKER_01 50:26

Yeah. Talk about shit. Bullshit.

SPEAKER_02 50:29

Uh we should do it again sometime.

SPEAKER_01 50:31

Just to I got some good ones, but they might be yeah, yeah. I liked I like that you had them, though. I'll do, I'll do the next round. Yeah. Um, yeah, I think that's it. We are yeah.

SPEAKER_02 50:46

Please uh like and subscribe to the old YouTube.

SPEAKER_01 50:50

Yeah, please do. If you want a sticker or anything like that, we'll mail it to you.

SPEAKER_02 50:54

Yeah, just email us at comedy billhorror at gmail.com and just send your address and I'll send you some stickers.

SPEAKER_01 51:03

Yeah. We're hopefully gonna try to figure out some fun merch too, if we get more viewers.

SPEAKER_02 51:11

Yeah, I was gonna say we need more than uh the two of us.

SPEAKER_01 51:14

That's true. Um, but we got some pretty fun stuff coming up. I think you'll enjoy.

SPEAKER_03 51:21

Mm-hmm. Yeah. And with that, thanks for watching and please pretend to be kind to each other. Peace. We love you.