Comedyville Horror Podcast
Join us each week as a brother and sister attempt to review and talk about a horrible horror movie.
Comedyville Horror Podcast
Episode 45: Don't feed the old ladies!
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
What are we doing?! Seriously… WHAT ARE WE DOING?!
In this episode of the Comedyville Horror Podcast, we go completely off the rails and somehow manage to talk about EVERYTHING—from going bald and ridiculous wigs to terrible first jobs, awkward coffee-shop encounters, getting attacked by hornets, and why nobody can ever just say goodbye.
We also dive into THC drinks, questionable mushroom gummies, our childhood attempts at getting high, social media rabbit holes, bizarre Facebook drama, ridiculous internet challenges, celebrity cooking shows, advertisements invading EVERYTHING (even cars!), taxes, good deeds, smoking, vaping, and the never-ending battle against people who refuse to move out of the left lane.
And, naturally, there are plenty of completely unnecessary conversations about dogs, anal glands, farting, and other things that probably shouldn't be discussed on a podcast.
It's basically two people sitting down to have a normal conversation… and immediately proving that they are incapable of having a normal conversation.
Topics include:
👴 Going bald & the wig industry
💼 First jobs & workplace disasters
☕ Coffee-shop horror stories
🐝 Hornets vs. humanity
🍄 THC & mushroom gummies
📱 Social media & Facebook drama
🤼 Ridiculous internet challenges
📺 Ads invading our lives
🚗 Road rage & left-lane vigilantes
🚬 Smoking & vaping
👻 Witches, Wiccans & Elvira
🐕 Dogs doing disgusting things
😂 And a whole lot of completely random bullshit
Subscribe, like, comment, and join us for another episode of Comedyville Horror Podcast!
#ComedyvilleHorror #ComedyPodcast #HorrorPodcast #FunnyPodcast #Podcast #DarkComedy #TrueCrime #Paranormal #HorrorComedy #FunnyStories
Do you feel like it's making you crazy?
SPEAKER_00No, but that's because it's like I'm a normal person.
SPEAKER_03Let me put my stone up. Look, I changed my all my colors.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I was gonna say all even your fucking watch band, Jesus. I never change mine see and I have to have the the stretchy ones.
SPEAKER_03That's what I have.
SPEAKER_00Because if I have the regular watch band, it just fucking falls. And I can't I have to put it so high up because if it's on this tattoo, it won't read.
SPEAKER_03Oh really? Yeah. Weird.
SPEAKER_00I don't I don't know why.
SPEAKER_03Well that's crazy.
SPEAKER_00I know.
SPEAKER_03Fucking white boy problems.
SPEAKER_00Million dollars for a fucking watch that I can't even fucking read or tell time.
SPEAKER_03Well, I made the mistake of getting one of those like you know, so like nobody can read it.
SPEAKER_00Oh, like a privacy thing.
SPEAKER_03Like um, yeah, like a privacy thing. And then so if I'm like if it's dark, I'm like, what does that say? Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Or if the sun hits it and you're like, I don't know anymore.
SPEAKER_03He's just throwing his body against the kennel.
SPEAKER_01He's probably just trying to turn around.
SPEAKER_03Maybe.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03I don't know. He'll fuck with him too bad. So like when I take a shower, I'll put him in there. And I came out yesterday, I don't know, and he had like his whole bed like was up like along the standard bars. I'm like, Jesus Christ, these fucking animals.
SPEAKER_00Fucking animals. Oh, so I so I have some notes of some shit that we should talk about.
SPEAKER_03What are we gonna talk about today? Russ? Um don't look at my hair. So one let's talk about my hair.
SPEAKER_00One of the things no, we're not.
SPEAKER_03It's fucking I'm like losing it.
SPEAKER_00Are you going bald?
unknownProbably.
SPEAKER_00What what would you do if you went bald? Like if you like it was noticeably that your hair is coming out. What? Do you shave it off? Do you start wearing wigs?
SPEAKER_03I would probably shave it off and then tell everybody I had cancer. I'm just kidding.
SPEAKER_00That's so fucked up. Yeah, just kidding. I wouldn't you get to the front of the line at fucking Disneyland.
SPEAKER_03Seriously. Like, uh, Dreamweavers, come see me.
SPEAKER_00Well have you seen uh Trump recently is definitely wearing a wig?
SPEAKER_03No.
SPEAKER_00Have you seen those memes?
SPEAKER_03It's probably like hair plugs.
SPEAKER_00No, it's because it'll like people are showing like literally the day before and then the next day wildly different. Like it is not the same hair.
SPEAKER_03Like a wig or like a toupee?
SPEAKER_00A wig. And so a lot of the people are using AI to give him like a huge, like fucking dolly part.
SPEAKER_03That's funny.
SPEAKER_00I'm gonna have to look those up. Yeah, it's pretty funny.
SPEAKER_03Mom wore wigs. She started losing her hair. Really? She, yeah. And she I remember we would go to this lady's house. She like was like an underground like wig cellar. And I'm not kidding.
SPEAKER_00She was stealing human hair.
SPEAKER_03Well, some of them were human. Yeah. Like it was fucking wild. And I remember one one year, um, sorry, let me get the eye bugger out of here. It could be a bug. We don't know.
SPEAKER_00Um you did have a bug flight out of your hair.
SPEAKER_03Well, I told you you should get stuck in here. But I remember mom had this like cute little straight red bob with bangs.
SPEAKER_00And like the was it did it look like plastic, like straight plastic?
SPEAKER_03No, it was like human hair. Oh, it was. And it even had like, because there was a part, it even had like a fake scalp.
SPEAKER_00Was it the same color as her skin? Because sometimes like No, it looked real. Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_03But I wanted to wear it, and so I stole it out of her wig, wig closet, and I wore it to school. Nobody recognized me.
SPEAKER_00So you committed so many felonies.
SPEAKER_03Probably.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_03It was it was pretty cool. And then she used to have these old, um, like you know the old rollers that had like it had like wire and shit.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_03So she had those.
SPEAKER_00Wait, she would curl her hair?
SPEAKER_03I mean, that was like back when she was younger. They were like probably from when she was in college or something. Oh. And, you know, that was when they like they needed more volume.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And when perms were a huge thing.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. So it was like you would perm your hair, plus you would put these curlers in to make them like a big soft curl. And so uh Sonia and I were like, let's let's try them on your hair. It got fucking stuck. Oh my god, we had to cut like a portion out of my hair. I think it's never grown back since. So fucking awesome.
SPEAKER_00What? So let's say, how much money would you like? So like you're fucking going bald and you're like, I I need a wig. Because wigs can get real fucking expensive.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. So like she spent thousands of dollars on wigs.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, like what would you what would be like your top dollar of like, I just need this so that I look normal?
SPEAKER_03I don't know. I mean, I'd probably do like a $400 wig or something.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I feel like that's but then I would probably just really good wigs, like at $400.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00You know, where like it's definitely passable.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Like I that would probably be my max. And then I'd just be like, do ragging it up.
SPEAKER_00Do ragging it.
SPEAKER_03Hat like hats, all sorts of shit.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_03I have so many hats that like it would give me a good reason to wear them all the time.
SPEAKER_00You're probably like losing hair because you wear hats.
SPEAKER_03Really?
SPEAKER_00No, isn't that a thing? Like, that's why like a lot of guys go bald because they wear hats all the time.
SPEAKER_03Maybe. Because it's like friction. It's like rubbing. I think I'm just going bald because I'm going bald. Like, it's fine. Just have baby fine hair. I've always had like fine hair.
SPEAKER_00I well, and I'm the opposite. My hair is so fucking thick that no, look at that.
SPEAKER_03That's beautiful.
SPEAKER_00I want to talk about uh your first, your first like few jobs. Do you remember those? It was so long ago.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I remember.
SPEAKER_00Uh, but like, do you remember like the fucking anxiety you would have, like just like the interview and like so then you get hired at like fucking McDonald's or whatever, and then you're like, God, I really hope that like everybody likes me.
SPEAKER_03No, I never felt like that.
SPEAKER_00No? Oh fuck, I think.
SPEAKER_03I think I just like don't give a shit. Yeah. And maybe I've always found them.
SPEAKER_00It's not until like recent years where it's like, I don't give a shit. Like, if I don't like this job, I can fucking get a different one. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Well, I I mean mine.
SPEAKER_00Whereas like when I was a kid, it was like this is my only shot. Oh. You know?
SPEAKER_03Yeah. No, because I literally like if you just go driving around town with me, be like, oh yeah, I worked there once. I quit because those ladies were bitches. I worked there once because I don't know. I just didn't want to work there anymore. Like I worked at so many different fast food restaurants, just restaurant chains. I got a job at a flower shop because I thought I was like, oh my God, you're around flowers all day long. Like you cannot be in a bad mood, right? Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And then your allergies fucking hit.
SPEAKER_03No.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_03These ladies were so catty. Like, well, she look at what she did to this floral arrangement for this wedding. Like she puts the eye in and it should have been baby's breath. I'm like, you gotta be fucking kidding me. These ladies were fucking assholes. They were CNX Tuesdays if I've ever fucking been around them. I was like, I can't hunt.
SPEAKER_00It's sure that's wondering.
SPEAKER_03They were kind of twats. Uh they were like older too, so it made me even mad, like more angry than I worked for a uh like a horticulture company.
SPEAKER_00What what does that mean?
SPEAKER_03Like right after college. So I took horticulture. Like I could have probably minored in it. I took so many horticulture classes.
SPEAKER_00Why am I always telling you what to do with your fucking plants?
SPEAKER_03It's one fucking plant. One plant that he is like, oh, you got a monstera school for shit. Yeah, but it was like perennials and shit. Like it was, you know, like rose bushes and like you'd go, we would go to like landscaping type of work, sort of. So we would go to these very um like high pollutant people in town.
SPEAKER_00Charge them an arm and a leg to fucking plant a few bushes.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, like to take care of their rose bushes, to prune to all the stuff. I'm allergic to bees. Probably not the best job because day one there were they were like swarming me. Yeah. I'm like, I I don't think I should do this job anymore.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03That was And then they're like, hey, new girl, that's what the guys would call me. Hey, new girl, can you um go roll up these hoses? They were like uh like 15. 10,000 feet long. Yes. I'm like, I can't lift this. Are you fucking kidding me? Like, so that kind of sucked.
SPEAKER_00That was when I was painting my porch, it took so long because there was a goddamn waspis.
SPEAKER_03Oh, they're such dicks.
SPEAKER_00And it just kept following me, and then I'd be like, huh, like the whole time. So it took fucking, it took like four times longer than I thought to paint it because so I I sent you the picture that I'd paint it pretty dark. I did not realize that if you paint your porch really fucking dark, that you can see every fucking crack. So I had to go in and between every fucking board, like hand uh brush between every goddamn crack.
SPEAKER_03Did you spray it?
SPEAKER_00No, I rolled it and I thought it would be like, oh, it's gonna take me a fucking hour. It took me like all fucking day long.
SPEAKER_03So on my girls' trip, um, we always there's always projects to do at my friend's house cabin thing.
SPEAKER_00It's kind of you go there and work on a little bit of stuff and then you get real fucking high.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. And drunk and float. But so the first project was she had the one of these old, like an old wooden swing. You know what I'm talking about? Like a fucking a board and no, no, no, no, no, not that. Like it was like one with like the legs. It's out in like their gazebo area. This thing's like old. It's been there for I think she said like 13 years, 15 years, something like that. And so it just needed a paint job. Well, their whole theme from the cove when you can see their dock and stuff, is all Huskers. Like their dock covers, red, like whatever.
SPEAKER_00And so she bought like this person's address.
SPEAKER_03No, whatever. Okay. There's one million places in the Ozarks. It's fine.
SPEAKER_00I'm sure there's a bunch of Huskers.
SPEAKER_03Husker people. But so she bought this red paint and she's like, all right, well, let's just go. And they had a bunch of paintbrushes. So we're painting. And I'm like, oh my God, we're making like good, good time here. All of a sudden, these like fucking hornets fly out. And they're I'm like, no, nope, I am not about to get stung. Like day one of the trip.
SPEAKER_00They're the fucking murder hornets.
SPEAKER_03Oh my god, right. So then I supervised the rest of the time and I was like, there's a spot. You missed that crack. Get some in that crack.
SPEAKER_00But God, what a bitch. I know. If I was your friend, I'd be so pissed off.
SPEAKER_03I think they were. Then I was just looking at the water and I was like, I think it's a goldfish down there. Dumb.
SPEAKER_00Oh, so back to jobs. So you you did fast food.
SPEAKER_03Restaurants, fast food.
unknownRight.
SPEAKER_03I dipped my boob in coffee once.
SPEAKER_01What?
SPEAKER_03I was little. My rack wasn't as big, but I was working at this restaurant.
SPEAKER_00Jesus.
SPEAKER_03And uh it was like, you know, like all the old people would come in on a Sunday morning for like their coffee and yeah, they wanted their quarter coffee for all day long.
SPEAKER_00All day.
SPEAKER_03They'd sit there. And you had to wear tan pants and whatever color polo, like collared shirt.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And I was like leaning across this big, huge round table with all these old people. And I was like leaning over to pour coffee, and my boob landed in the guy's coffee. And I go, Oh, did you want some cream?
SPEAKER_00He was like, No, no, no, I'll drink that right up. Yeah. Yeah. Like a creepy old guy.
SPEAKER_03Like coffee stain just right on my boob.
SPEAKER_00I remember I had to spit right in his mouth.
SPEAKER_03No, but I was like, I was felt so I didn't know what to say. And so for me, it's insert foot here. Let's say something highly inappropriate.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, let's say something fucking wild.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, that's what I did. So uh shortly after that I left that job. I was like that hurts.
SPEAKER_00The only like fast food, I guess, that I worked at was like coffee shops. I worked for like Starbucks and then like a a more local one.
SPEAKER_03Did you really?
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And that would you write shit on people's cups?
unknownOh yeah.
SPEAKER_00I was bad. Like that was like when I was single, I was writing my number.
SPEAKER_03On your sludge.
SPEAKER_00I know.
SPEAKER_03Wow.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it was it was bad. But like, and it was too. You got to you got to be real good at identifying types of people by what they ordered.
SPEAKER_03Oh god. Okay. I now I want to tell you what my coffee order would be.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_03A sugar-free vanilla latte with almond milk iced.
SPEAKER_00You're a plain bitch.
SPEAKER_03Oh, am I a vanilla bitch? Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_00That's that's probably one of the most common.
SPEAKER_03It's because I don't know how to order anything else. And when I do, I get pissed.
SPEAKER_00I'm like, that's not what I ordered. Anything that you want.
SPEAKER_03Well, I don't know how to order anything from those places.
SPEAKER_00Well, and for me, uh just black coffee.
SPEAKER_03Just fucking regular now who's a vanilla bitch.
SPEAKER_00No, see, that's uh usually the people that would go into a coffee shop stone cold bitch. Is no, I I swear, like the people that that's all that they want, it's because they're refined. They know like uh this is as good as it's gonna get.
SPEAKER_03Now he's refined, ladies and gentlemen.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. I'm uh I'm such a fancy girl.
SPEAKER_03You are a fancy girl.
SPEAKER_00But yeah, so it w that job it's not really like fast food.
SPEAKER_03Right.
SPEAKER_00You know, it's kind of it's different, but it's still like food or whatever. I don't know.
SPEAKER_03It's a service industry.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And then after that it was mostly like construction shit.
SPEAKER_03I mean, I remember like my first real well, I thought was like a real job. Um was one of the doctor's offices that I worked at, like my the first doctor's office. So I had to like actually like get dressed up like a interview. And um, no, it was different than that. Like you would schedule the procedures and you know, you were answering all the calls for the docs. Yeah. Um, so it was kind of just rando stuff. I remember one time, so one of the doctors that I worked for, he was really into cars.
SPEAKER_00Like they all are because they have so much fucking money.
SPEAKER_03So he so a call comes through, and I take the call, and they're like, Yeah, I'm Colin. Um just wanted to ask some questions. We're trying to get Dr. So and so's car finished for him. And it was like a fancy, you know, like classic car that I think he was like cutting the top off and stuff. And I was like, um, yeah, I can get a number to him. And he's like, Well, I'm calling from LA. And I was like, Okay. I'm like, yeah, okay. So like who is this? He's like, Jesse. I'm like, okay, like, can I get more info? Like, I can't send this over to the doc and not have like your name and number. It was Jesse James. What? Yeah, like the famous.
SPEAKER_00I used to be a huge fan of him. And then it turns out, like, he's kind of a fucking asshole.
SPEAKER_03He kind of was. I'm not gonna lie. Sorry, Jesse.
SPEAKER_00Like he expected, like he just said Jesse, and he expected you to know. I know.
SPEAKER_03And I was like, Can I get your number? And then I was like, he's like, Jesse, it's Jesse James. I work on cars. I'm in LA. I was like, okay, I need like your cell number. And this is back in the day when like all the doctors had pagers. And so I would have to type it in and then it would go automatically to his pager. So literally I'm writing like, hey, Jesse James called. It was awesome. So um, but yes, I do remember like getting nervous, like going through like having my resume, like all of that stuff. Like I haven't done that and like been nervous. For I guess I just don't give a shit.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, exactly. That's the thing now, is like so many, so many places are hurting for fucking people that it's like all right. I know. I mean But I did, I worked at a fucking Eddie Bauer for not very long.
SPEAKER_03I wonder why.
SPEAKER_00Well, I mean, I I like Eddie Bauer.
SPEAKER_03I do too.
SPEAKER_00Like I like the company, you know, whatever. Yeah. But what I hated was the fucking the having them sign up for cards.
SPEAKER_03Oh.
SPEAKER_00And it's like, no, fuck that. I'm not pushing it because I hate that shit. Why is it that every fucking place you go into, I know, they're fucking pushing the cards or a rewards program. And it's like, I don't fucking want this.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I don't need another text.
SPEAKER_00I know. And like gas stations. Oh, yeah. You have rewards? No, I fucking don't. Right. Like, I will not have I already have so much fucking shit. I don't need a fucking sales pitch from a fucking Casey's.
SPEAKER_03Seriously. You know, like I know. I get well, and it sucks because I have to sign up for so many of those because I use those companies when I'm doing like a presentation or like I bring in coffees all the time. Yeah. So I'm like, oh, let me get my fucking scan my card on my phone.
SPEAKER_00I I just like it's everything is so it can never just be simple. Like you have this thing, I want it. Here's money. It's gotta be a fucking process.
SPEAKER_03Well, if you sign up for the card today, you get 10% off your entire I don't give a shit.
SPEAKER_00I will fucking most most of the time I will pay whatever the fuck it is because I have no other goddamn option. Right.
SPEAKER_03I mean, yeah. Like, okay, I need this, and I'm it's always when I'm in a hurry and they just want to have like a whole conversation. I'm like, I don't fucking want to have a talk about that.
SPEAKER_00How do you feel about when uh somebody comes up to you that like you haven't seen in a while or you know, like you're friends with acquaintance or friends, yeah, but like you're like in a hurry, but like you don't want to be a dick sort of thing, you know? Or like you're just not in the mood.
SPEAKER_03That's I try to wear that's when I wear hats typically.
SPEAKER_00Well, yeah, people see that hair, they're like, that's talk.
SPEAKER_03They fucking know it. It's so bad. Like I can, I I can't get away. I'm like, damn it. And it's always like when I'm sick, like I feel like shit, or waiting in line at the fucking pharmacy. Or I'm like, right for like, you know, some girl pills or something. I don't know. But I'm like, it's it never fails. I'll be sick, just get out of the shower, look like a fucking drowned rat or something. Like I have no makeup on, I haven't showered in like three days.
SPEAKER_00And that's the best not showering. Tasha is so fun.
SPEAKER_03Tasha? Like, fuck. And I turn around and it's always somebody that like you don't want to see.
SPEAKER_00You're like, oh, you're gonna be shitting me.
SPEAKER_03Or like that person that you know is gonna talk your fucking ear on.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, where like you kind of know them.
SPEAKER_03Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_00And then like you have nothing to say to them.
SPEAKER_03So working in my industry, it's I keep Yeah. That's there's days I just want to be left alone, people. Like, just don't talk to me.
SPEAKER_00Well, and it seems like for me, it's like, you know, I can go like a week without seeing somebody that I know. And then all of a sudden, it's in one store is every goddamn person I've ever met in my entire fucking life.
SPEAKER_03Like everybody wanted to go out this day. Yeah, that is 100% my fucking luck. And I'm like, fuck. I'm like, where were you last week when I needed to talk to you? Now I'm like, hmm.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and I always do the thing like, well, see ya. And then I just walk away.
SPEAKER_01Oh, you do?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, like uh because it's like, oh yeah, it's so great.
SPEAKER_03Okay, okay, well, because the Midwest goodbye.
SPEAKER_00Is the worst thing on the planet because it's 45 fucking minutes of saying goodbye, but then bringing up something to keep talking about. And it's like, no, we're done.
SPEAKER_03I do that to you a lot on the phone.
SPEAKER_00Well, that that's dad. He did that all the time.
SPEAKER_03Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_00Where you're like, all right, I'm gonna go now. And then he just starts talking about something else. And it's like, I'm fucking.
SPEAKER_03Well, that was when our brother would come to visit. I'd be like, okay, we're going here. Like, we have a you know, a reservation or like we have a plan.
SPEAKER_00Like, yeah. We have to be somewhere at this time.
SPEAKER_03He would seriously like come out, like just walking around, puts and holding his socks in his hand because he hasn't put his fucking socks and shoes on yet. It's like, yeah.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_03Oh, yeah, I gotta get my hat. Gotta get my hat. Okay. Get your fucking hat. Let's go. Like the car's.
SPEAKER_00It's always I gotta get something. Yep.
SPEAKER_03Gotta get something. Oh, I forgot this. And then all of a sudden you'd hear he's fucking opening a beer, and you're like, there's no fucking roadies today. Get in the car. Let's fucking.
SPEAKER_00We're going to a funeral.
SPEAKER_03I mean, I would take a roadie to a funeral. Um, but yeah, all the time. So I actually went to one of those girls, like, I don't know, like the painting party, like painting with a twist, like whatever.
SPEAKER_00Where you drink wine and get shit faced.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, and then try to paint something.
SPEAKER_00Terrible painting to bring home.
SPEAKER_03Well, I actually did a really cool one. And it said, um, and I literally painted it for the purpose of our family, like never fucking being able to just get their shit together. And so it said, we don't dilly-dally, we lollygag. So stupid. Yeah. So dumb.
SPEAKER_00Oh, so speaking of drinking, uh, you know that like I gave up drinking, except for like 15 or 16 drinks a night. Yeah. Other than that, I don't touch the stuff.
SPEAKER_03Oh, I'm so proud.
SPEAKER_00But no, so now I'm doing like I'm actually like uh fulfilling like having white guy dreads. Because I'm doing fucking the Cheech and Chong drinks.
SPEAKER_01Oh, are you?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, like I'll have I'll have a like a can of the THC drinks. Yeah. I'll have one a night, and then it just fucking knocks me out, and then I'm like, I'm ready for bed at fucking seven o'clock.
SPEAKER_03God, that's impressive.
SPEAKER_00They work. Oh yeah. Well, and they are expensive. Because I I've been trying different brands, you know. Uh there was one that like didn't fucking work at all. But like usually like I'll feel it and I'm like, I don't need to drink. Like this is all I need.
SPEAKER_03You know what I want to try? Are those just like it's no THC, but it's just like a mushroom gummy that's supposed to just help you like chill.
SPEAKER_00You want to just microdose fucking mushrooms?
SPEAKER_03No, I don't want to eat mushrooms. I want them in a gummy form.
SPEAKER_00Well, you can put them in a capsule.
SPEAKER_03I don't know.
SPEAKER_00Isn't that how they do it?
unknownNo.
SPEAKER_00Don't they like grind it up and put it in your buttons?
SPEAKER_03It's a suppository.
SPEAKER_00Yep.
SPEAKER_03Oh god.
SPEAKER_00You would get so fucking you would trip mad balls if you put mushrooms in your butt.
SPEAKER_03Seriously. Why has no one thought about those?
SPEAKER_00Probably because it someone has died from trying that. I'm I bet someone trips so fucking bad that they murdered their family.
SPEAKER_03No, but you can order you can order these mushroom gummies because there's no THC, but it's supposed to like not like a psychedelic.
SPEAKER_00Like a legitimate I don't fucking know.
SPEAKER_03I know. That's what I'm saying. One of my girlfriends, like she says she'd fucking we have no idea about drugs anymore.
SPEAKER_00Because you can order everything. We're used to the shitty weed that it was like it was like I have weed. Okay.
SPEAKER_03The smallest nugs.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Where like it didn't there was no uh sativa, indica, like all that shit.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00It was just I have weed.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00That was it.
SPEAKER_03I got the chronic man. I remember I would used to go and hang out under the bridge um down by mom's house. So this is like high school, junior high. I would. I don't fucking I'd hang out under the bridge.
SPEAKER_00Jesus.
SPEAKER_03I know, like really, like super safe.
SPEAKER_00Jeez.
SPEAKER_03Well, I would meet my friends there. Ga. It's like where everybody hung out. Um and did trucks.
SPEAKER_00And no, but did it be like little goth dance parties under the bridge?
SPEAKER_03I was more of like a hippie at that time. But they had there was a bunch of ditchweed right by like the entrance.
SPEAKER_00Doesn't get you high.
SPEAKER_03Well, I didn't know that. And so I cut a bunch of it.
SPEAKER_00You're like, I'm so bad.
SPEAKER_03Came home. I think mom was in the hospital or something, which like what a dick move. But and I was like, turn on the fucking oven. We're gonna bake this shit. And so I'd like to put the oven on warm baked right now. And because you'd have to dry it out, right? So I'd like put oh my god, and then try to smoke it, and it would just do nothing but give you like a fucking terrible headache.
SPEAKER_00And like you're like, my throat fucking hurts.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, like the whole you could use like the pop can uh pipes, you'd like poke holes in it. Yeah, yeah. I was a bad kid. I was so naughty. I would go down to the under the bridge though, because which I mean now I think about it, I'm like, ew, that was like shit water. But I would find like salamanders and shit like in the Creek and fucking idiots.
SPEAKER_00I was just watching uh CBS Sunday morning today, and they had a a thing about this lady in Idaho. Uh Udaho.
SPEAKER_03Idaho?
SPEAKER_00Udaho. Widah's Widaho. The hose. But no, uh this woman who was pregnant uh was visiting someone in Portland and accidentally took the wrong brownie. Which I mean I get, like you're pregnant, you're like, I need something fucking sweet, and there's a fucking brownie somewhere. Yeah, you're gonna fucking eat it. Well, it was a pop brownie.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_00And in Idaho, they uh test the babies for any drugs or whatever, and it had THC in its system. She got uh charged with like child abuse.
SPEAKER_03With an N-yertero baby?
SPEAKER_00Mm-hmm. Well, after the baby was born.
SPEAKER_03Seriously? Yeah, and so she better get a fucking good lawyer because that's dumb.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that that's the thing, is like in fighting it, and then there's there was another story of a woman that could get 10 years in prison for smoking weed when she fucking didn't know she was pregnant, type of shit. Like, it's so fucked up. That's fucking weird. This country needs to just federally uh say that weed's okay because the division of states is not working. I know, seriously. You know, it's it's either all or nothing. You can't just be like, well, it's okay here, but not here.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, like literally, like you cross over like a an imaginary line.
SPEAKER_00Correct.
SPEAKER_03And that means And you're like, oh total different thing. My medicinal weed card is gonna work here.
unknownYeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03Like, I know. Well, and we are right smack dab in the center, and I feel like we take the longest. It's so funny. What are we doing? Did you hear about that shit in Idaho? There's like a like a uh gunman or whatever. He like shot up like a sonic or some shit.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, no, it was uh in and out.
SPEAKER_03Oh.
SPEAKER_00Wasn't it? I think so. I saw the video of like all of employees like fucking.
SPEAKER_03I know, like running, but he looked like a kid. Was he like a teenager? I you know, it's I stopped watching it because I'm like I it's anytime I get it.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, anytime I open my phone, I do anything, it's how bad this country is. So let's talk about something fucking uh something good better than that, I guess.
SPEAKER_03Something not terrible.
SPEAKER_00Um, so because you were talking about how like you were driving around and you're like, oh, I worked there, I worked there. Like so many places. How do you drive?
SPEAKER_01What?
SPEAKER_00So most people, when they're by themselves, right? Turn the music on, they fucking jam out, they dance a little, they fucking shake their booty.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. I feel like you just shake my booty.
SPEAKER_00You probably you start calling people. I do. I'm at- I bet you're the type that like when you're driving, you're like, I'm gonna call somebody.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. And then they all hate it when they find out that I'm driving because it sounds like I have Tourette's.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Because I'll be like, oh yeah, how are you? Fucking dick. Who's run my ass? Like all of my friends are like, Yeah. If Tasha calls you while she's in the car, just tell them, tell her you have to take a shit.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_00That's the universal sign of I'm done.
SPEAKER_03Nobody wants to talk to me. Like, it's fine.
SPEAKER_00But something that I've been doing recently is no music, nothing. Just me and my thoughts. Like a fucking serial killer.
SPEAKER_03That is a little myth. You know, but it's like where you don't put your seatbelt on, so it just dings at you, and now you are a serial killer. Yeah. Did you hear like that's the like people are like, you're a psycho. If you can literally listen, like not put your seatbelt on, and just listen to the fucking dinging in my car, it gets louder.
SPEAKER_00And it's like if it dings one time.
SPEAKER_03I freak out, I have to get it on.
SPEAKER_00But no, like, and I'm talking like hours. Like when I drive for work, it'll be like two straight hours of nothing. You could listen to a podcast. I do, but I've listened to all of them.
SPEAKER_03I know me too, multiple times.
SPEAKER_00I I have heard all podcasts that are out there.
SPEAKER_03Oh, I was talking about ours. That's normally what I do, is I'll put it on like while I'm driving. Because I drive like you. Yeah. You drive long distances. I'm like, okay.
SPEAKER_00You gotta go from this place to this place. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03So I like just we'll hit pause and then just bring my work phone in to do my visits. And then I'm like, okay, back at it. I should do like a book on tape.
SPEAKER_00No, see, that's I don't know. Cause then it's basically like reading, and that's stupid.
SPEAKER_03Well, it's not. They're reading, they're telling you a story. Well, just listen to a podcast. That's true. They're shorter.
SPEAKER_00Like there's a million funny ones. You just gotta find like the ones you jive with.
SPEAKER_03I like Bill Burr. He makes me laugh.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_03I used to listen to like his stuff like religiously, like every morning.
SPEAKER_00You know, I I did. But then it was I don't know. It was it would be like some of his ideas about things. I'm like, I don't agree with that at all.
SPEAKER_03And then I mean that's gonna be anybody.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, exactly. But then it was like, then it just became like more and more. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_03I feel like he started having a lot more like guests, like different comedians or different whatever. And I would be like, I don't even know who you are.
SPEAKER_00Like Yeah. That is what's hard, like a little where you it's supposed to be someone famous that you know, but they have to spend like 45 minutes telling you everything that they've done.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, and then about like their new book or their new movie. I'm like, okay, I just so I don't know.
SPEAKER_00If we could have a celebrity guest, who would it be? Who would be your ideal?
SPEAKER_01Oh. Probably like for this? Mm-hmm. Probably I don't know.
SPEAKER_03I kind of want to learn about like people who think that they're like witches and shit, like Wiccans and like Dude, that's literally in my notes. Seriously?
SPEAKER_00Uh I I think I'm gonna become a witch and just fucking go into the forest and like start a fire and like take off all my clothes and just become a witch. Or however, like it's they're like Wiccan. Or whatever. I don't know. I went I just I just want to be in the woods and be a fucking witch.
SPEAKER_03I had some kind of out there friends way back when and they were like, we want you to enter into our Wiccan or like boyfriend or girlfriend or whatever.
SPEAKER_00And I was like, that they were asking you to be a part of their threesome.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, and I was like, I gotta like I came to the woods and was like, I gotta go. Like this is I I'm surprised it wasn't like murder like many times in my childhood.
SPEAKER_00I wish like there's like a witch. Do you remember the movie The Proposal with Sandra Bullock?
SPEAKER_03Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_00I wish that like you go to like a witch fucking thing and it's like like that Sandra Bullock in the woods where she's like uh fucking dancing to uh get low or whatever the song was that she was dancing to and then you're just like the fuck is this?
SPEAKER_03Well, it's kind of that was a little weird. They had like cloaks on and shit, and I was like, Oh.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Like I just showed up with like my fucking chain wallet and like you know like who I would absolutely love to have, and there's no fucking way.
SPEAKER_01Who?
SPEAKER_00Elvira. Especially now, because she came out as uh lesbian.
SPEAKER_01Oh, she did?
SPEAKER_00Oh, you didn't know that?
SPEAKER_03No.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, she she has been She hasn't called me recently.
SPEAKER_03Fuck, I should call her on my next drive.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, she's been with her partner.
SPEAKER_03Excuse me, Elvira. Can we talk about it?
SPEAKER_00Like 30 years.
SPEAKER_03Oh, I wonder if she drives a Subaru too.
SPEAKER_00No, she drives the the macabre mobile.
SPEAKER_03She doesn't fucking drive that to Walmart.
SPEAKER_00She has it. It's hers.
SPEAKER_03Well, I know, but she you know she got like a crosstrack or some shit.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, she yeah, she has to have a I mean, for sure. And now back.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. I mean, seriously. Uh good for her. But I mean It took how many years for her to come out?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, exactly. And it was just like she put it like in her book as kind of like almost like a throwaway. Like she didn't really think anything of it, you know, like it wasn't like she read that book? No.
SPEAKER_03Oh, I was gonna say I heard about it because I can't read. Yeah, I mean, seriously, that took you 10 years to read. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And it came out last year. So that's fine. I've finished the first page.
SPEAKER_03Good job. See, that would be a good book on tape for you. Only if it's her voice. I know, you probably can find that.
SPEAKER_00Probably. How that would be such a fucking nightmare, like reading, like doing the audio, reading a fucking book.
SPEAKER_01Not if it's your own.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, but I even then it's kinda it has to take a long time. You know, and like you fuck up some words or something, you gotta redo the take. That has to take forever.
SPEAKER_03That's true. And you're like, fuck, I it took me three years to write this bitch. Like it's kind of like when we have to watch movies twice.
SPEAKER_00I'm like, fuck. This this job is hard. It is. But it's actually like it's rewarding doing it. Uh mostly just like our relationship. I would not have a relationship, really, if we didn't do this, honestly. Super nice to say. Well, I'm just saying it's like it gives us a reason to talk to each other all the time.
SPEAKER_03That is true.
SPEAKER_00You know, otherwise we really wouldn't.
SPEAKER_03I know.
SPEAKER_00Um, yeah, so fun stuff. Have you had your dog's anal glands expressed lately?
SPEAKER_03No, typically they get so hyped up when I take them to the vet that they just release them themselves.
SPEAKER_00Oh, Jesus.
SPEAKER_03And then I'm like, can you when you go back there, can you also wipe his ass because I can fucking smell it?
SPEAKER_00It is why is that such a thing though? So we we take the wiener dog to get her fucking ass pinched. Because it's gross.
SPEAKER_03It's so gross.
SPEAKER_00Uh yeah. But it's like, why is that a fucking thing?
SPEAKER_03Well, I wonder if it's like with wiener dogs and like same, right? They can have the the intravertebral disc disease or whatever. I think it's because her legs are so short, like this little fucker.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03That they can't, it's like they can't get down to really scoot, do the wheelchair. Because that's why they do the wheelchair, is because they have impacted anal glands.
SPEAKER_00No, she'll do that. She curls up like a fucking a snake.
SPEAKER_03But I think maybe wherever it's located, because they don't have like it doesn't release on its own all the time.
SPEAKER_00It's so funny too when our wiener dog so her legs are like literally like this long. But she squats to pee, and so she's literally on the grass. On the ground. Yeah. And I have to keep the goddamn grass so short because otherwise she won't poop or pee if it's too long.
unknownOh.
SPEAKER_03He doesn't like that either. It's a nightmare. These fucking assholes that just run our lives.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Oh, I know. Oh, fucking, I wanted to talk about uh you know how uh like you scroll through like the videos and stuff, like if you use TikTok or whatever, like every fucking has yeah has their shorts or whatever.
SPEAKER_03Stay off of TikTok. Because I if I get on there, like I don't even have notifications like allowed because I will go down a rabbit hole and sit in my car for like an hour. I'm like, what am I doing? It's like the death scroll.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Can't do it.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I don't I don't have TikTok, but I just I do like the Facebook.
SPEAKER_03Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_00Uh but like for some reason, it keeps showing me these goddamn insane the fucking slap competition or whatever the fuck it is.
SPEAKER_03I don't even know what that is.
SPEAKER_00It's like a sport for slapping. You haven't seen that?
SPEAKER_03Where they slap like really hard.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. I just try to knock out the other person. Yeah. And I don't know why it keeps it. Well, I think it's because I keep watching it. Probably. But like your algorithm is fucking insane. And then now a new thing is like, I don't even know what it's called, but it's like it's like tackling kind of where like they just run into each other and try to knock out, give the other person fucking brain damage.
SPEAKER_03That's fucking terrible.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Like, why are all of these sports to give people fucking CTE?
SPEAKER_03I don't know.
SPEAKER_00It is it's like I don't want to watch, but then I fucking do.
SPEAKER_03It's like a train wreck.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Right? Like you can't look away. But do you remember when that was like the tortilla challenge and you'd have to slap somebody with a tortilla?
SPEAKER_00I hate all of these challenges. We as a human race need to stop having challenges. It is doing nothing for anybody.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. I never did it ever.
SPEAKER_00Did you donate the money?
SPEAKER_03Because wasn't it like I literally never did it.
SPEAKER_00Wasn't the whole thing like denominate someone? And if they didn't do it, they had to donate. But most of the time, if people did do it, they still donated.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, people would like tag me, like, you're up, Natasha. And I'd be like, delete.
SPEAKER_00Go fuck yourself.
SPEAKER_03Delete.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Immediately. I don't want to do this. Why would I?
SPEAKER_03What right? Like, has anybody ever like had to take an ice bath? It's literally the same. Like, I don't need all that.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_03It's like people are just dumb. We're just dumb.
SPEAKER_00Well, and everybody falls into like a trend thing. You know, it's like everybody has a fucking podcast.
unknownGod dang.
SPEAKER_00But you know what I mean? It's like something happens and then like people follow that trend because it's popular. And it's like we don't need to. Nobody needs to.
SPEAKER_03Do things because you enjoy it doing.
SPEAKER_00Exactly. Like that's why we do this.
SPEAKER_03Right.
SPEAKER_00For like two listeners. And they're both in this room. That's true. But you know, it's why does it seem like this day and age with social media is like people need to be validated about everything?
SPEAKER_03I don't know. And you know, I thought like after a while with like Facebook, well, I think it started with my MySpace and then Facebook. I didn't know. And like, do you remember like people would just throw out like these weird cryptic messages, and you're like, what you're are you putting this out there so people ask you what's wrong? And then you get attention. Yeah. I thought that shit was gone.
SPEAKER_00It's like I'm sad today. And then comments are like, Oh, what's wrong?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, what happened? Oh, yeah. Or just stupid shit.
SPEAKER_00But I feel like too now, people don't give a shit. People don't even feed in.
SPEAKER_03No.
SPEAKER_00Where they're just like, That sucks.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Or they like it.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Yeah. It's been a really hard day. Love.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_03I'm gonna love that.
SPEAKER_00Good for you.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, right. Yeah. I guess what the world, like life is hard. But I thought that was gonna be.
SPEAKER_00Everybody is struggling.
SPEAKER_03I thought it was gone, but I still have a couple of people on my Facebook page that I'm like, I still do that shit. I'm like, how do I hide their shit?
SPEAKER_00Like, no, you can't. You can uh someone's shit for like a month.
SPEAKER_03Oh, so good. There's a couple that, but then I'll kind of go down a rabbit hole and I'm like, oh I want to see what kind of fucking complaining shit they put on here.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, sometimes it is kind of fun, like even total strangers. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Where you're just like, I need to find their tea because I'm on like so many of the fishing ones that I'm like fucking kidding me.
SPEAKER_00Well, is there drama in fucking fishing Facebook groups?
SPEAKER_03All the time.
SPEAKER_00Nancy, what fucking drama is there about fishing?
SPEAKER_03So one of the one of the funniest comments, and I don't know who started it, but they always say wanahoo provides because there's shit.
SPEAKER_00Provides what?
SPEAKER_03Like if somebody posts a picture of a fish and it's like this huge, let's say white bass, they're like, Wanahoo provides.
SPEAKER_00And then people will be like, can't fucking catch anything in that?
SPEAKER_03Correct. Yeah. Or other than like catfish and bullhead right now. But it'll be like, fuck, stop with this wanahoo shit. Like all these people just like fighting. They're like, I know where that is. Stop blacking out the background of your picture because we know where you fish. Like, it's so like what a bunch of fucking Sally.
SPEAKER_00I every every Facebook page is just meant for I swear too, like the only fucking people on Facebook are like super conservatives that like it doesn't matter what it is, people will be like, Trump did that. Just stupid You know, and it's like really fucking Trump helped me fucking change my oil.
SPEAKER_03People troll and then put a comment just to see what people say and to start fights.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_03It's the dumbest shit. Get a life.
SPEAKER_00I kind of love those Find a hobby. Like the fucking discussion pages for towns are the best. For what? Discussion pages. For what? Like uh the whatever town you live in. Oh yeah. Oh you know, like a community one.
SPEAKER_03Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_00Those are the best because it's so many Karen's. And and I love too when Control Young beg for stuff, that's the best too, because all the comments are like, get a fucking job.
SPEAKER_03I know. I'm not allowed to comment on most of those things anymore, probably, because I'll get shut down.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_00All of the N-words that you post.
SPEAKER_03I never do. Ever.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So uh let's see. What is something else that I thought about? Oh have you seen the great, wonderful, wise magician RFK Jr. Is having a cooking show?
SPEAKER_01Stop it. Are you serious?
SPEAKER_00Can you a cooking show? Fathom. If you if you could fathom how fucking awful this cooking show is. So he's like he does a carnivore or whatever bullshit.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00But do is anybody gonna listen to oh we need to put a little heroin on this ribeye steak? That's the only way to make the steak better is a little heroin. Jesus Christ. Have you ever heard him fucking talk? Yes. It is so fucking insane that he is in charge of our health. What are we doing?
SPEAKER_03Don't you do the carnival diet?
SPEAKER_00Not right now, but I I like it. It makes me feel better.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00There is like a legitimate reason to do it. Right. You know.
SPEAKER_03Just not the hair part.
SPEAKER_00It's yeah, it's also uh I mean Yeah, it's not like he fucking created it. He just uh was doing a lot of drugs and fucking found out that oh maybe we shouldn't have preservatives, which should have been fucking a long time ago. I know this country. But it's all big pharma, you know, big fucking Oscar Meyer or whatever the fuck.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, mayonnaise.
SPEAKER_00I love mayonnaise. But the having a fucking cooking show? What?
SPEAKER_01What are we doing? I don't know. This this cannot be. Right? This cannot be. This cannot be happening. Not in my life.
unknownFuck.
SPEAKER_03So we just went off on a tangent there?
SPEAKER_01Oh what I know.
SPEAKER_03Next. What else do you think about on your three-hour drives in silence? Have you seen Psycho?
SPEAKER_00Uh BMWs? This it was like last week. Uh so you know there's a new Spider-Man movie?
SPEAKER_03Oh, yeah, I heard about that.
SPEAKER_00Did you hear that uh BMWs? Like the new ones, uh, when you start up your car, it plays a fucking Spider-Man ad.
SPEAKER_01No.
SPEAKER_00It is so you you spend fucking over a hundred thousand dollars on this fucking car and you have to watch it. Skip a fucking ad?
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00What are we doing?
SPEAKER_03Who knows?
SPEAKER_00That that needs to just be the fucking title of this episode. What are we doing? Because it is getting so ridiculous. I I'm so over ads. Like, I'm almost to the point where like I need to fucking just pay the extra.
SPEAKER_03So you can get rid of the ads. But that's a good shit break.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it's usually when I uh refill one of my drinks that I don't have.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. See? There you go.
SPEAKER_00But it's when they're putting ads in cars. And that's what I hate too. Everywhere.
SPEAKER_03Even when you go to the gas station, there's a fucking ad on the screen.
SPEAKER_00Why is it for cars that so you buy a car, right? You purchase the vehicle, you go to have it licensed, you pay the sales tax on it, right?
SPEAKER_03Right.
SPEAKER_00And then a year later, uh, you pay the fucking sales tax on what they estimate the value of that car for that year. Why do we pay fucking taxes multiple times? If I buy a TV, I pay sales tax at the store. I never have to fucking pay sales tax on that ever again.
SPEAKER_03I know. And isn't it like Texas or something that you don't have to you don't have to pay wheel tax every year?
SPEAKER_00Or maybe it's like a one month. But Texas, like, they're insane there. Like they're fucking inner 90 miles an hour. I know. They're all on fucking meth.
SPEAKER_03That's fucking crazy. Yeah. Yeah. But there are some states that do that. We're just fucking idiots.
SPEAKER_00Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_03I mean stupid.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. It's it just and like even like property tax and sales tax. It's like, oh, so I don't actually ever fucking own anything.
SPEAKER_03Well, and they just like make up like, oh, we think that this is what the value is. So then you're not sure.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, exactly. It's like, no.
SPEAKER_03And then you gotta go through like a rigmarole if you ever want to like contest it or like appeal it. Like it's a fucking whole thing. So most people are like, that's too much fucking work. I'm not, I'll just go.
SPEAKER_00That was that happened in our town. Uh so they got a new uh whatever it is, the appraiser. Oh, yeah. The county appraiser or whatever. And skyrocketed everybody's uh like estimated value to the point where uh they did away with her. Uh she was putting like extra buildings on people's fucking properties.
SPEAKER_03It's fucking crazy.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Like the the amount of fucking shit is stupid.
SPEAKER_03Right? It's stupid politics.
SPEAKER_00No, I know.
SPEAKER_01But on a brighter note. Have you ever tried doing a good deed for the day? Yeah.
SPEAKER_03I mean, I try it frequently. What did I do recent? I did something recently.
SPEAKER_00Well, you need to do like five good deeds for to make up for your driving.
SPEAKER_01Why?
SPEAKER_00I I I have a feeling that you're fucking cutting people off. You're giving the finger to go like three blocks.
SPEAKER_03That's why I have tin and windows and people can't see. Yeah, that's why they're plus. Um I mean, yeah, like all I've done like a pay it forward, like where I buy like the person's drink or whatever.
SPEAKER_00That's so dumb. I hate that.
SPEAKER_03But I did it one time and they're like that'll be $75. Yeah, they're like, there's seven drinks. I was like, oh no, just kidding.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Uh it will end here. Never mind.
SPEAKER_00I will get mine for free. Thank you.
SPEAKER_03Thank you. Um no, I just did a it was um a work event and you had to go to all these different it was a poker run. So you had to go to these different facilities. And then the last one.
SPEAKER_00Oh, it was yeah, it's not a fun one where you get to go to a bar and get shit faced. Yeah, no.
SPEAKER_03And the last one was actually where they had some drinks and food. And so I'm at the last one and I'm like, oh, here comes this resident. She's like tugging on my skirt. I'm like, look back, and she's in a wheelchair. And I was like, hi. And she's like, Can you get me some of that? And she give me some of that hooch. Well, no, no hooch, but she wanted food. And I was like, I mean, sure. And I see her like start to like go and grab. I was like, no, I'll get it for you. I'm like, don't touch that.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, don't put your poopy hands all over the food.
SPEAKER_03And so she's like, get me some for my boyfriend. He's at the table. And I was like, I don't know if she has dementia.
SPEAKER_00And I was like, How about and I see like look and there's no one at any table.
SPEAKER_03Well, and I see I can't see the table, but I see all these other people, like other like healthcare vendors coming in. I was like, we need to save some for our friends here. How about we just start with two and I'll walk it over to your table? I was like, there's no way there's a guy there. And I come around the corner and he's just sitting there. And I was like, oh shit, she wasn't lying. I was like, sorry, sir. Uh, we'll see if there's any left and maybe I'll get you a few, but she just has to share one of these with you. So I was like, oh, that felt good. Like I, you know, I did a good deed.
SPEAKER_00For once.
SPEAKER_03Except she didn't let up. She came back around, wheeled her little wheelchair, she's pulled on my chair.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, see, you opened it. I did. You opened the door and I sure did.
SPEAKER_03And she took advantage of me.
SPEAKER_00And then you're like, listen, bitch. And then you smacked her around a little.
SPEAKER_03No, she was really kind. But I yeah. So it was a Hawaiian theme. And so I took one of my lace off and I go, here you go. I go, look, we got laid today. She thought it was funny. But I also shit herself. Maybe. But then she just was ruthless, man. I'm like, yeah, just this is what happened.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, because you you helped her one time. I fed the fucking.
SPEAKER_03I fed the bear.
SPEAKER_00Keep doing it.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Don't feed the bears, man. That's that's the ticket. And then she there was like hardly any food left for everybody. Like, okay, it's time for me to go. I keep feeding this lady.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. But she's just a bottomless pit.
SPEAKER_03So I was seriously. I mean, she's just hiding, like hides and shit in her wheelchair. I was like, fuck, okay. So I don't know. Like, I feel like when I try to just go, I think good deeds are stupid. Well, they bite me in the ass.
SPEAKER_00Because I never well, and if you also think about it as a good deed, then it's not. Right.
SPEAKER_01Like I feel like just be a good person. Yeah, just yeah. Just be fucking like nice. Well, you don't even have to be nice, just I don't know.
SPEAKER_03Be charismatic. I think that is what a lot of people are missing.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Is like charisma. And like I feel like there's certain people who like just people just want to talk to you. Like I feel like we're very charismatic people. I don't know about you, but it's any time.
SPEAKER_00Not when I'm in public. Don't fucking talk to me.
SPEAKER_03See, and I try to have that face, but apparently people want to divulge all information to me. Yeah. They want to talk to me about their terrible day.
SPEAKER_00How they had a miscarriage. Yeah. And I'm like, whoa. None of my business.
SPEAKER_03Right? Like people just divulge so much personal shit to me. And I'm like, do I look like somebody that just wants to talk about your problem? Like and then I listen because now I can't get away.
SPEAKER_01Can we talk about smoking?
SPEAKER_00But do you remember fucking like going on a road trip and just fucking chain smoking in the car?
SPEAKER_03I never did. Like even when I had my cavalier, like I would say, but I didn't want to because I was like grandma.
SPEAKER_01No. Guy. Pierre?
SPEAKER_03He no, our cousin. He used to smoke and he would smoke in grandma's car and it smelled so bad.
SPEAKER_00With the windows rolled up. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And so like even like when I smoked, like in college or whatever, like I would not smoke in my car.
SPEAKER_00That's crazy to me.
SPEAKER_03I was really and I also didn't want to burn it. Like I paid for the shit myself.
SPEAKER_00Like that was uh I think my hardest thing with quitting smoking was fucking driving. Was that was when I would constantly smoke was driving.
SPEAKER_03Oh, really? Yeah, I never I never like really drove like far enough places to ever Oh, it didn't matter.
SPEAKER_00I would have fucking three cigarettes if I had to go around the block.
SPEAKER_03No. No.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, but like you go on a few. Even when I was a smoker, like a two-hour drive and you burn through two fucking packs of cigarettes.
SPEAKER_03I remember do you remember the clove cigarettes that would like smell like those were tasted awful, but I like the smell.
SPEAKER_00You couldn't you couldn't actually smoke them. Like they were meant to, I don't know. I don't know who the fuck would it was always like hipsters would like smoke.
SPEAKER_03I had a lot of hipster friends.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, in American spirits.
SPEAKER_03Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_00Where they're like, it's better for you. I'm like, you're still fucking smoking.
SPEAKER_03But I like those like little honey cigars that we had Fourth of July, like those skinny, like those, those are good.
SPEAKER_00Mm-hmm. But yeah, like I I don't know. Like I I go back and forth, like, because I like cigars, you know. And it's really like maybe, maybe, you know, two a month.
SPEAKER_03I have a lot of girlfriends that vape and they do like the smelly I hate the vapes. Well, I'm like, I don't know. I kind of feel like w we don't know what that is doing.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and I hate like seeing like kids. It's like, motherfucker, like you didn't even smoke cigarettes. Like, smoke cigarettes and then go to vape. Like don't start on vape.
SPEAKER_03I mean, I don't know. I think it's because they got the ruddy tootie tootie flavors and shit.
SPEAKER_00Oh, I know. Yeah, there's a million fucking flavors and they smell delicious.
SPEAKER_03They kind of do.
SPEAKER_00But there was a gal I hate like seeing like the of the time where they're like it's like they're hiding.
SPEAKER_03Trying to hide it. I'm like, you're not hiding when you're blowing vapors out, it's like billowing out of your car.
SPEAKER_00Everyone can smell it for a six-mile radius. Seriously. Smells like fucking uh bubble gum uh blueberry pie. Yeah, and they'll mix like so many together.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, it's fucking weird.
SPEAKER_00It's like fucking, you know, diesel fumes and cucumber. And it's like, we don't need that.
SPEAKER_03I know. But what's your good deed gonna be for your day, for your week?
SPEAKER_00What what good deed should I do today? Oh, you know what? Uh it's it's not really a good deed, but just driving. My uh my biggest pet peeve is fucking people that sit in the goddamn left lane.
SPEAKER_03And don't drive fast enough.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, so like they're holding up traffic because they're in the left lane. They just ride it the whole time.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And you know, usually it's a divided highway. So there's the rumble bars on the inside. I will hit those for a really long time and fucking stare them down because they can hear it when I drive on it.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, because you're in a truck.
SPEAKER_00And they'll fucking eventually get over like, oh fuck. Like, maybe I'm a stupid idiot. So that's my good deed is I'm a vigilante out there with a gun. Just patrolling.
SPEAKER_03Just showing your chainsaw hand.
SPEAKER_00I'm just like, you don't want to fuck with me. Not today, Jesus. And done.
SPEAKER_01Bye.