Keeping The Healers Whole

Some days in the hospital, the confetti falls while someone down the hall is still wiping away tears. We wanted to talk about that gap—the space between appearances and what caregivers carry—and how to close it with simple, human acts that actually help. Marissa, a self-described “fun ambassador” with deep roots in healthcare, shares how she designs support that feels real: asking what people need, showing up when the day is heavy, and tailoring recognition so night shift and ICU teams can breathe instead of perform.

We trace her path from growing up around medicine to a defining crisis: septic shock and pulmonary edema while pregnant with twins, odds of survival near three percent. She remembers the moment she wanted to quit, her father’s hands on her face, and the decision to fight. Later, in an elevator, she met the anesthesia nurse who recognized she couldn’t breathe and spoke up—proof that caregivers rarely see outcomes, yet outcomes heal caregivers. That full-circle moment fuels Marissa’s mission to care for the people who care, turning survival into service.

Across the hour, we challenge the comfort of one-size-fits-all gratitude and replace it with presence. Recognition isn’t a box lunch; it’s timing a break so night shift can attend, building decompression after a code, and using language that honors the human in room seven and the human walking in from there. We talk hurricanes and Team A, Red Bull runs and quiet check-ins, faith and doubt, and the stubborn hope that healthcare can be both clinically excellent and deeply human. If you’ve ever felt unseen under a badge, this conversation brings light, practical ideas, and a reminder: you matter more than the metric.

If this resonated, subscribe, leave a review, and share it with a colleague who needs to hear “I see you” today. Your stories help keep the heart of healthcare beating.

Transcript

Cold Open: Faith And Family

SPEAKER_02 0:01

Oh, you just gave me two. Okay, okay. And then she went in for a hug. I said, so what I'm telling you is that Christ is coming back very soon.

SPEAKER_01 0:12

Let me help you. And she's like, I don't really need to sleep, but you know, I could use some caffeine. So I went and found that girl Red Bull. Yeah, you did it. Yeah, I needed it. And just then I felt a pair of hands on my face, turned my face, and it was my dad. And he says, look at me.

SPEAKER_02 0:40

Hi friends, I'm Jennifer Eddings, and this is the Kalai Collective. The Colli Collective was designed to be a safe place for anyone that works in healthcare to come in and tell the stories, the real stories of what happens every single day for far too long. People have asked healthcare workers to be very polished, to be very come together perfectly kept. When the truth is, a lot of us are carrying things much heavier than the patients we care for. Today I am joined by one of my favorite people. Her name is Marissa, and she has probably the closest to the same light that I feel like is within me. Meeting her that first day, I knew instinctively that her and I were created from the same cloth. And I just want to give you a chance, one, thank you so much for being here.

SPEAKER_01 1:29

Thank you for having me.

Marissa’s Path Into Healthcare

SPEAKER_02 1:30

You're so welcome. And I want to give you a chance to just introduce yourself to our two people that are watching and tell us a little about what you do.

SPEAKER_01 1:37

Okay, I'm Marissa, and um I've been in healthcare on and off. Um, I guess it's been since 2008, starting in Atlanta Lakes, opening a hospital from day one. Um, I think our first couple of weeks on the job, we were doing punchless because we didn't even have the certificate of occupancy yet. So um healthcare runs deep. It's it's been embedded in me from probably, oh my gosh, I think age seven or six is when I met my stepdad. Um, he was the new doctor in the area. And um, so yeah, I've just grown up around healthcare. It's been at the dinner table, it's just been, you know, our family. Um it really is. Um, it's just something that stuck with me. It was, you know, the compassion. I'm I'm a deep empath. So I I feel things so deeply. And I think just being around those conversations and being around the patients. I think I was seven when I diagnosed myself with pleurisy. Fantastic. Successfully too. I came in. Um, of course, over dramatic as as always. Um, I came in not feeling well, and I remember the nurse was checking me in and she's like, So Marissa, what do you, what do you think is going on today? And I'm like, I just know it's pleurisy. And she'd been like, girl. She laughed here. And she looked at my mom and she's like, Well, what do you think? She's like, Well, if she is right, she's gonna go to med school. Um, I was right, but I didn't go to med school. It's okay, it's okay. So I ended up in healthcare. Um, and I didn't go to medical medical medical school. I was not a clinician, I didn't go to nursing school, but I ended up there, and I couldn't be more proud of the role where I fit in. And, you know, it's I call myself the fun ambassador. Um and I'm here for it, by the way.

SPEAKER_02 3:32

We're gonna do a hashtag fun ambassador.

SPEAKER_01 3:35

Hashtag fun ambassador.

SPEAKER_02 3:36

Um we're gonna actually put that on your like LinkedIn eventually. I love that. The organization will just adapt to it. Just adapt to it. Yeah, we're gonna adapt it.

SPEAKER_01 3:45

I think we need to like, you know, the whole architecture thing. Amen. We need to just have a fun ambassador. It's important. We do. Um, but yeah, so I take care of the people. I take care of the people that take care of the people.

The Fun Ambassador Philosophy

Why Healthcare Needs A Shift

SPEAKER_02 3:57

You know what? That is such a powerful, even before you said I take care of the people that take care of the people. I you you you take care of people. And I think like to your last week I was talking and um in nursing, they always ask you what your why is, and it's supposed to keep you grounded to why you came into it. Because it is a difficult, it is difficult. Um, but my response to that was uh my the better question to ask me is why not? Because it's just who I think I am. Now, Marissa and I have an interesting um uh story as far as how we met. We've worked for the same place, which will not be named for a while, to at the same time, like parallel. She was at one location, I was at another, didn't really know of each other's existence. I kind of put myself out there during COVID as um a representative of this particular location. And because of that, and because you are so uninvested in the mission, whether it's their mission, it's it's our mission, right? Um, because of that, she had seen me on social media. I show up to a friend's house one night and I don't even get to say hello, and she's hugging me, like I know you. I'm like, I don't know you, but I want to be friends with you. And she explained to me who she was, how she knew me. And since then, I feel like even though we do not get to talk near enough, there's probably been a a year or more in time lapse, right? That we haven't spoken. I was um actually a guest on another podcast several weeks ago, and it was for that place, and they were asking, or they said, you know, at your location, this and this and this looks like it's being done, and it's so great. How do we get that done everywhere? I said, no, no, no. The work is being done, I assure you. And I said, I know the people that are doing the work. And when I said that, my heart immediately knew you because I know what you're doing. I said, the difference is we don't have storytellers out there that are telling the story on a platform like I've built for myself, but have no doubt the work is being done. So I say that to give you the credit because you are doing the work, and I know, even for me, and I probably get more recognition for the work that I do than most because of my social media platform or whatever, and it's still hard. And there are still days that I do say, What am I doing? Is am I making a difference? Is this worth it? Because I'm I'm killing parts of myself to try to pour out into other people. Yeah. And then I think of people like you. I know you're doing it, and it probably comes with little to no recognition. Oh, absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 6:50

So I wouldn't say no recognition. There's definitely people out there that that see the work that understand the depth that I have and the love that I have for my people. Um, I can say I'm over three different locations. So I have I have a reach in three separate locations. And I can tell you there's one location. If you were to look at the core of what we are and what we do, um, it is absolutely prevalent. And I think that I give all the thanks and the gratefulness to the leader of that location. Um, this person has poured into me. And I we were talking about earlier. What's that? Is it who we were talking about earlier? Okay, go ahead. Nope. Keep gone. It's okay. Nope. This person is a he's a leader. Um, and he is my mentor. And I can honestly say that um he knows me, he knows my heart, and his words are always he he's us. He he believes in the mission. Um, he knows what the mission and and what the love and what the passion can do. Yeah. Um, and he is living proof at that location is living proof that the human side of healthcare is the important part that that moves mountains.

Re-Inspiring Burned-Out Caregivers

SPEAKER_02 8:20

Um I dare I say that the emotional part of it, the spiritual part of it, the the mental piece of it is just as important as the the prescriptions that we write, the tests that we perform. Um and I think that I know that not everybody gets that. And I know it makes a huge difference. Now, I told you earlier I sent you a list of questions. You know, we talked about what we were gonna talk about. Um, and I figured out, and of course, with you, I can ask one question and we could probably talk for four hours. Absolutely. So I we had to narrow it down to like, what do you want me to ask you? Because we are gonna never get there. Um, and the question that you would preferred, and that honestly I think is beautiful, is what do you believe, or how do you believe? Why do you think sorry, I'm gonna get it out, I'm having a stroke. Um, why do you believe that a shift is desperately needed? I'd love to say that I I I think it started. I think it has started, but I think that the devil works really well, really fast. And I think that regardless of the light and the work that God has placed us here to do, which I do believe there are a core group of us that are healers and we know each other when we see each other. It there's no words that have to be spoken. You just know. You know, you know you're made from the same fire, you came out of the same thing, right? Why do you feel like it's so uh desperately needed for us to make sure we keep the vulnerable alive in healthcare? We keep the humility there, we bring the compassion, we bring the empathy. I just want you to start there and then we'll figure it out later.

SPEAKER_01 10:07

So I'm gonna answer your question with a question. Fantastic. Why does anybody get into healthcare?

SPEAKER_02 10:16

Well, my question's a little my my question comes from somewhat of a jaded place sometimes. Okay. The reason I got into healthcare, I think I even said it before, is like, why not? Right? Because I want to help people. Just like the healers, the helpers, it's it's it's right. You can do the same, this anonymous. I do think that I used to say this but when COVID first hit, that I try to look for the good in everything. So one of the things I found good about COVID was I do think there are some people in healthcare that are there for the lucrative part of it, that they know that they can get they can get a good amount of money three days a week. Like it looks, it looks good. Or they're looking for their doctor husband, which don't do that, not a good idea. Um we have stories. Um, but I do think there are those people that are there for a paycheck. And I felt like COVID kind of washed those people out because they're like, yeah, yeah, no, I'm not going into a COVID unit. So it got rid of them. And now I can't say that anymore because I feel like it brought the next generation in. Yeah. Because they heard of nurses doing travel nursing during COVID, paying off a house in a year. Yeah. So we've also brought those people back. So now more than ever, I think it's a lucrative thing.

Beyond Parties: Showing Up On Hard Days

SPEAKER_01 11:38

So my job for some people is um, you know, and and it's not my job like in a job description, and it's not a job that's on paper, but my job is to seek out the people who need me and what I bring to the table. And that is how do I re-inspire? Because I don't, I'm not in the business to inspire people. If they're in healthcare, they've been inspired. Um, they've been inspired to heal, they've been inspired to to help my where I exist and where my realm is to re-inspire. How do I reignite that fire? How do I get them to remember that it's not the same mundane thing that they actually are doing wonderful things every single day? Um, it's sometimes a thankless job.

SPEAKER_02 12:25

It's sometimes that I don't think sometimes is fair to you. I think it's probably most of the time. Most of the time. I think it's a thankless job.

SPEAKER_01 12:35

Yeah. Um I don't think that we do enough for our caregivers. I don't think that we I mean, let me tell you one thing. Like being the phone ambassador, some of the things that I do is throw some really amazing parties. Like I have brought the party. Like you tell me, hey, we need to celebrate. I'm here with bells on. We will celebrate. But um, a question that I go into my units a lot of times, like respiratory therapy. I walked into that unit and I said, hey guys, you know, I know what we're really good at. We're really good at throwing a party. Um, we're really good at throwing you guys some good eats and some prizes and you know, like swag galore. Like we want anytime there's something to celebrate, we're there with bells on, let's celebrate. But where and how are we showing up for you on the days where you don't feel like a celebration? You just, you know, it doesn't matter what you do, everything you throw, everything that you are putting into it, it's just not enough, and you can't save that patient. Like, how do we show up for you for that? And it's usually silent, it's it's quiet, it's it's one of those feelings where you're just kind of there, like okay. I get it. We're not. We're uh we're not, we're not, we're not there for that.

SPEAKER_02 14:00

I was literally waiting for you to tell me, like, I was gonna be like, what'd they say? Like, don't mean lay my edge of my seat. We're not to hear you say we're not, we're not that that hurts.

SPEAKER_01 14:12

It's painful, it's painful to watch. Um, I asked another question, like, so on those days where you're doing everything you can to give that, you know, great customer service and make sure that that patient experience score is there and they're gonna love you. And you just did chest compressions for an hour and a half and heard mom screaming at you, and please save them, don't let them go. And you you can't do it. What do we how do we show up? But yeah, how do you how do you make it through that? How do you keep moving? Um like what's your coping mechanism?

SPEAKER_02 14:53

Yeah, I've never even asked, and and honestly, um I what does what does it look like for them when I clock out that day?

Human Stories Behind Room Numbers

SPEAKER_01 15:03

What happens? The answers is awful, the answers gut-wrenching, it's brought tears to my eyes more times than I can count. Um, but they just have to bury it and keep moving because the next patient in the next family, they don't care. Yeah, they don't care.

SPEAKER_02 15:22

And it's not because they don't, they don't not care.

SPEAKER_01 15:24

They don't know. Yeah, they don't know to care. Yeah. And you know, if you think about, you know, the very nature of healthcare and hospitals, it's um, you know, everything that's happening in room seven is is is that's their world. Yeah, that's their world. Nothing else exists beyond room seven because that's their world either imploding or you know, what what if it's mother baby and it's just beginning. Um it's very segmented. It's this family and then it's this family. And we're asking healthcare professionals every day to okay, you just lost a patient after trying for an hour and a half. Now I need you to go, you know, suck it up and put a smile on and get those patient experience scores for room eight.

SPEAKER_02 16:09

So let me ask you this question. So, because we keep saying patient, right? That's the right thing to say. But the chances are, at least for the people that I work with and I know, it's not a patient in room seven. That's Sarah. That for like your respiratory therapists you're talking about, which do not get near enough credit for what they do. That's Sarah. That's 27-year-old Sarah who, you know, had two miscarriages, whatever. You know, you we learn, we we should be making connections as humans with these people. So it's not that we lost patient in room seven. We lost Sarah. And that hurts.

SPEAKER_03 16:52

It does.

SPEAKER_02 16:53

And you're right, we ask them every day, and I say we ask, I mean, I was asked of it too. You code a patient in room seven, you got two minutes to fix your face, go to room eight because they need water. And you get into room eight, and you're right, they're living their own, right? Their own story. So they you have to keep into account their own emotions of that. Like, this is mom, she's sick, she's this or that. Are we doing them a favor by not telling them what happened in room seven? I'm not saying share HIPAA, right? I'm not saying that. Being human. Are we doing them a favor by telling them that we didn't that I did not just do compressions and a 27-year-old mother? I don't know that I am. I don't know that that's how it's supposed to be. And I think maybe uh their perception of their care would be a little different. I dare to say those patient experience scores would possibly improve if they knew that Nurse Jennifer decompressions on a 27-year-old and she didn't make it, but then came in and gave me water with a smile on that. 100% with 100%. What do you think about that?

Recognition Versus Being Seen

SPEAKER_01 18:11

I think it's very human. I think that that's the missing element. I think that um, you know, we we talk about employee satisfaction scores and we talk about, and it's always like, do we do enough here and do we do enough there? And do you feel recognized? Okay, that's my favorite. Do you feel recognized? When do we recognize somebody when they do something spectacular, when they do something um beyond their job expectation? But what if that's not the recognition that they're looking for? What if they just want to feel human? Yeah. What if they just want to like connect with their with their coworkers, with their leaders as human beings? And like, okay, so let's talk about room seven, then going to room eight, and they need water. Um, maybe after going through the emotional turmoil that they just went through, losing a patient, maybe they don't want to get water. Yeah. And then here's the thing that the person, the fun ambassador that's coming through the halls with a Grinch, you know, somebody dressed in a Grinch costume because it's Christmas time. And yeah, they're just like, take your celebration and shove it. Yeah, shove your Grinch up your ass, kid. Yeah. You want, I should be in that Grinch costume because I just don't feel like it. And I think that as leaders, as we as we grow these people into leadership positions, and we grow these people into, you know, different business roles. And I call them business roles because even though if they're a clinician, they work their way up, eventually something happens. The, you know, the the human side falls off, and it's like, well, why aren't they happy?

unknown 19:59

Or

SPEAKER_01 20:00

Throwing we're throwing them a a recognition party. Like we did this, yeah, we did that like four months ago. And what happened today is really deep and it's really hard and it's difficult. And I'm sorry, but um food and and a in a tchotchke is just not gonna do it for me today.

A Space For Hard Conversations

SPEAKER_02 20:17

Hey friends, Jennifer Eddings here, the heart behind the call-like collective. You know, I created this space for you. I created this space for me, I created this space for all of us. This is a space that is designed for us to come in and think about the things that are heavy. For anyone that is navigating a difficult situation, for anyone that has found themselves standing in the middle of life just looking for the light. Around here, we talk about the things that aren't easy to talk about. We talk about the things that people typically are quiet about or whisper about. We talk about the things that literally can set someone free once they know that they're not the only one. So this is my last idea. I want you to be just as much of a friend as I am and the women decided to hear you. I would love for you to hear your story with me. Tell me what you're going through. I would love to hear from you. Whenever you need something, or you need someone to be there for you, I think it'll be just a little bit called. And I promise I'll be there. Because at the end of the day, all of us are just walking each other home in one conversation.

SPEAKER_01 21:37

And I just don't think that we're doing enough. Um, you know, I again I said we recognize them. We we love to recognize, but what if that recognition is not about the scores and the awards and the things that we love to praise? What if the recognition is like, hey, I see you.

Intention Over Tchotchkes

SPEAKER_02 21:57

Yeah, thanks for human here. What do you need? Yeah. What do you need? There's so much. How can I find that question, right? Instead of trying to figure out how to recognize a profession, I'm not, I'm not just a nurse. I'm Jennifer. And what I need is probably very different. Even if you and I run the same code, right? Like just say we're both parents to run the same code. And the same outcome, doesn't matter. What you need after that and what I need, probably very different. And it's shaped by our experiences, our background, our all the things. Who we are just as people. And when you try to wrap it all up in one bow, like here's your pizza or whatever, your squishy ball. I love the picture pizza. Yeah, it's the thing I just remember the story, and I know I'm not supposed to be talking this much, whatever. I remember the story from COVID. Um, I was not nurse manager during the I always talked about COVID in two rounds. There was the first round, which I feel like attacked more of our elderly, like our SNF patients, our ALFs, right? 100%. And for me, well, in my in my experience, which I recognize is very different from everybody else, and everyone's experience deserves its own honor. Um a lot of those patients were already DNRs. We did a lot of compassionate passing. Like we didn't know what we were doing. But during that time, no one knew what we were doing. And I remember because toilet paper was a thing.

SPEAKER_01 23:32

Oh, yeah, I remember that.

SPEAKER_02 23:33

Weird. And and listen, I get it, like honestly, me as a mother of four, I approached it with so the hospital gave away toilet paper as a thing. Yeah, right. Because we really couldn't find it, it was a recognition. Uh as a mother of four, I'll I'll take two actually, if you don't mind. But I remember one of my nurses coming out, so I was the nurse manager in the second round, but this was the first, and she was, I say my nurse just because I love my people. She told me the story in retrospect that I thought the toilet paper in the moment, because I wasn't at the bedside or on a unit, I was more in um a a different supervisor type role. Um, I thought the toilet paper was a great idea. I really enjoyed it. If you ask her right now, what was one of the most offensive days of her life? It was when she walked out and they handed her a roll of toilet paper. I get it. I get it. I I even have goods when I'm saying it. I would never have thought of that. She's like, how dare you? Every patient I have taken care of in the past month has died. And you hand me a roll of toilet paper, and you think that that is gonna help. She was so offended. And I I I I hijack that, sorry. I'll go back to you because I should, because you have a lot to say. Um anyway, I just think it's I love how you recognize the individual versus the role, the profession, the organization as a standard.

SPEAKER_01 25:05

Yeah, it's not, it's not one size fits all. It's not, um, here, let's give them this, they should be happy about it. It's, you know, understanding and it and it's little things. It's it's like, okay, we're gonna do a hospital-wide gift as a token of our appreciation. Um, and then it's recognizing uh, well, 50% of our demographic can't use this gift. Um, so what message are we sending?

SPEAKER_02 25:35

Yeah.

Hurricanes, Team A, And Real Support

Caring For Caregivers Comes Full Circle

SPEAKER_01 25:35

Um, it's it's intention with the proper thought and understanding of humans and that human element and just really trying to connect. I remember I had um a situation, I don't call it a situation, it was it was a a chance meeting. We were expecting the hurricanes last year. Um, it was the second one within oh my gosh, it was crazy. It was like yeah, we had Helene, it was so bad. Devastated people which with the floods, and then we didn't know what to expect with Moulton. So, you know, every time there's a hurricane and we're we're doing the team A thing, um we expect, you know, a little bit of emotional. We expect, but of course, we're like, this is your job that you're gonna do this, and this is what your expectation is. Come and get this, get that, you know, like this is what we do, people like get with it. And this is the second hurricane, and there were people devastated within 45 miles, 30 miles from where we were. Yeah, we don't know what to expect. We don't know if we're next. We don't, we we just don't know. And I remember being on team A and just kind of walking the halls as my teammate was coming in, and it was kind of a hectic thing, like there were some changes in report times, like that's a whole other story. I can give a whole segment on that, but anyway, um, I came face to face with this nurse and she looked great, and she looked like she had it, you know, like everything was great and had it all together. And I'm like, hey, how you doing? And she's like, Oh, I'm I'm good. I'm like, no, seriously, what do you need? Are you good? Do you have everything? What made you ask her? I I just I just felt moved to ask for her. And I was like that's the spirit, by the way. But having you slept, did you sleep okay? That's where she broke. No, I didn't sleep a wink. I haven't slept, and to be honest, um, I'm okay. I'm gonna be okay. I'm like, but what do you need? And it was that moment that she was just like, you see me. Yeah, and yeah, it was emotional for me because I'm like, yeah, girl, I see you. You're telling me you're okay. There's food in the cafeteria. When you get all of your information and your your sleeping arrangements, come see me. Or and if you don't, I'm gonna come find you. Um, I'm gonna make sure you get to sleep because you need sleep. I can't expect you to do what you need to do if you haven't, if if you're not taken care of, if you're not complete. I was like, let me help you. And she's like, I don't really need to sleep, but you know, I could use some caffeine. So I went and found that girl Red Bull. Yeah, you did. Yeah, you did. Three of them. I found a couple. Luckily, I had bought a six-pack and I had it in a fridge, and I was able to locate her and I brought a Red Bull and like listen to her.

SPEAKER_02 28:35

You would have bought them for her. Don't act like you were.

SPEAKER_01 28:37

Oh, no, I know you I bought a whole pack and paper mine. Um, but I was like, here's my number. This is my card. I'm team A. I'm sitting on instant command. I'm here with you. Anything you need, you reach out to this number. Because I don't know what she was going through. I don't know if she had a six-month-old at home, you know, that was a breastfed baby, and now she's not gonna be able to do that and just go to care for her patient. And who knows? It could be a quick 12-hour thing. We could be here for 42 hours, we could be here for four days. That's very true. But just being that first point of contact on her team A shift with somebody that didn't take, yeah, I'm fine, and be like, yeah, okay, cool, great. Go get go get it, go get at it, take care of it, like you're good to go. No, no, no, no, no. Yeah, I need you to pause for a minute and I need you to tell me what you need. Yeah. And that's the kind of love that I give. And it's full circle because when we care for the caregivers, um, when we re-inspire them, it does come full circle. So as we are making this shift into healthcare, um, to make healthcare better, to change the perception that healthcare is evil and that they're just after things. Like, I really do believe there is a place for healthcare that can truly save lives and better people's lives. And I want to be a part of that.

Survival, Twins, And A Second Chance

SPEAKER_02 30:09

You know, um, I've talked people have asked before, whatever, like, you know, you're at you're at the bedside, and when I was at bedside, you know, I in ICU, because that's all I've ever really done. I had two patients, right? So that's what I felt like my reach was. And um then always the question for me has been, how can you help more? And so by becoming nurse manager, I was like, and there was a like a there's a there was a place in there between that, whatever. But I was like, I'm I am helping more because I'm here for my people, and they're helping. So I'm helping theoretically in my mind, all of them. And when I got into the role that I have now, that again, that was kind of my goal. Like, how can I feel like I'm decent at helping people? How can I help more? Like, that's all I want to do, is how can I do more? And I don't know that that question is asked enough by us, by some. I feel like you ask yourself that question a lot.

SPEAKER_01 31:17

I do.

SPEAKER_02 31:18

And I just have this overwhelming need to tell you that I see you and I thank you for that because it is a thankless.

Meeting The Nurse Who Spoke Up

SPEAKER_01 31:30

It is thankless, it can be, it can absolutely, but you know what? I say that it's thankless because I think, you know, people above um what I do, they don't see necessarily the value in it. You know, they're they're very clouded. Um and I don't want to say that's a bad thing. It's not. I mean, we all have a goal and we all have to meet these goals and we all have reasons to uh expand and grow, and we need these things to happen and we need to make sure they happen. But I like to think of myself as the person that goes, you know, just below that surface and you know comes in. I mean, again, circling back to that fun ambassador, I plan parties for the caregivers. And so when tasked with a party, you know, oh, you're gonna throw uh a celebration for nurses week. Okay, uh great. What do I do? I go and sit in the units, and I'm like, hey guys, I'm throwing a party for you, and I can throw a party so the cows come home for something that makes you know sense for me and and brings value. What brings value in a party for you? Yeah, what would bring value? Because I don't want to sit here and throw time and and money and things at something that doesn't work for you, yeah. And I'm not in your shoes. So help me help you. I want to I want to make sure you're you're feeling, you know, like you've got that moment where you can step out of your role and you can relax, love and enjoy the things that we're doing for you to recognize you, right? Because it's not about me, it's about you. This is about you. And when I shared that with someone from corporate, um, I guess word got around that we had a fantastic um nurses week and it was super fun and everybody was loving it. Like they couldn't remember the things that they did the years before because it was just so jaw-dropping. Um, and she asked me, she's like, How did you, how did you come about doing this? And I said, Well, I went to the units and I asked when what brought volume to them. And she paused, which seemed like a a decade, and she looked at me and she's like, I'm a nurse. I was a nurse before I got into this corporate position. And I can honestly say nobody has ever done that. Yeah, no one's ever asked. Nobody has ever gone. No one's ever asked me what good felt like for me. What makes sense, you know, and what brings value to you? Like, if I'm gonna throw you a party, like I mean, I'm not gonna do things that I want to do because you know, it's very different. It's very different. And the the responses that I got were, you know, like, please no box lunches for night shift. Like, we're tired of the box lunches. I'm like, done, easy, done, okay, great. Um, how about we do our lunch on night shift um at a time where we can go? Done. Okay. These are not big things, they're not, they're not big shifts. It's just getting to that human side. Like, I see you. You're important to me, and I'm gonna make sure you feel that because when you feel valued, that goes into your patients. Yeah, not to saying that they're not already pouring into the patients because they do, especially my ICU. My IC, I have love for my ICU staff, um, and my night staff, you know. My night staff, you are a different breed, and you have my heart because wow, just wow. Um, you don't get enough credit. Night staff does not get enough credit. They don't. I was ICU night shift for a lot of time. ICU and night shift, like, listen, different breed, a completely different breed. I own that. So um, yeah, it's I see you. It's uh what your ICU new your ICU night shift. I see you.

SPEAKER_02 35:22

You see what you did there? I see what I did there. Okay, okay. I see you.

SPEAKER_01 35:26

I love you. I I I see the value that bring you bring, and I want you to feel that love. And I want you to know that it's important to me to make you feel that way, to make you feel seen and heard, and more than just, you know, Karen on Isaac.

SPEAKER_02 35:44

Yeah, more than just uh employee number 74242, right? What? Okay. You are I've already told you one of my favorite people for sure. Um there's such a light, right? And I just I'm curious, have you always been this way? Like, do you feel like this really was how you were born to call out the good in others and to make them feel human and seen and valued? Do you think it was life experience or both?

Purpose After The Impossible Odds

SPEAKER_01 36:19

I think I've always been a super empath. Um and being it comes with its own issues and and challenges being an empath. Um, it's taken a lot of self-re self-reflection and self-awareness to understand um the boundaries that you have to you have to create. Um, so yeah, I think I've always been this way. I've always been the therapist, you know, in friend situations. I've always been somebody that could easily talk to other people and people come to me. Yeah. Um, but I feel like I was pushed towards the healthcare realm when I was a patient myself. I was in the hospital for about 28 days. Um, almost lost my life and my children's lives while they were in utero. So had to tell me about that. Um, well, I mean yeah, abbreviated version, I had gestational pancreatitis the entire pregnancy. Um, it went undiagnosed until about 30 weeks when I presented with severe pain, um, ended up having to be transferred from one place to another. Um, they said it was going to be a super simple surgery. It was a surgery, it was a success, but when it came to extubate, I could not be extibated. I had pink foam pulmonary infusion, pulmonary edema, was in septic shock and started to rapidly decline. Um, had multiple working it was. Um woke up on the operating table, unable to breathe and tobated. And of course, you know, I'm looking at them like, hey, guys, can't breathe. And the the general consensus, like, yeah, we know. I can't. Like, we got it. We got it. Okay. So, you know, being in healthcare and understanding healthcare, I'm like, read the room. So I read the room, and I'm like, okay, everybody's going to kind of clean. I've got, I've got the rest, I've got a ventilator here, breathe with the ventilator. Like, we got this. Um, I was awake and I kind of glanced at the bottom of my bed and see my dad talking with my then when he was my pollenologist. I didn't know that at the time, and they're just kind of, you know, total graze anatomy moment where they're just kind of standing at the bedside and communicating. And uh PIC line comes in and they're like, honey, we're gonna have to put a pick line in. And I give them the thumbs up because I can't talk. Um, I get that pick line put in, and then they push that protocol and out I went.

SPEAKER_03 38:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 38:46

Um, so I had the easy part. My family had the hard part. Um, was in the ICU for four days and abated.

SPEAKER_02 38:53

I love your perspective.

Gratitude, Calling, And Light

Advice For Emerging Healers

SPEAKER_01 38:54

And a I mean, it's true. I had to keep it. Just keep just keep going. Shut up, keep going. Um, but respectfully. So it came time to excavate. I was doing well. They had me in a um bypass. And baby's still in. Baby's still in. Okay. Of course. Now at this moment, no, this is my why moment. When I woke up on the operating table and I realized the the depth of the situation, and like I I have no idea what's going on. Um, I put my hand on my 30-week pregnant belly with twins, and I am terrified because I don't know. I don't know if they're alive. I don't know if they're gonna be there. Yeah, yeah, I have no idea. So I gave up and I was I was done. And I remember just saying, I can't do this anymore. And I just I slumped because it was hard. It felt like I was breathing out of uh, you know, those little cur coffee stirs. That's how it felt to breathe. And so I gave up and just really just take me because I'm I'm done. And just then I felt A pair of hands on my face to turn my face, and it was my dad, and he says, Look at me. Yes, sir. Looking at you, and he says to me, You're going to be okay. Okay. Dad says I gotta fight, so now it's time to fight. And I fought, and you know, they put me out, um, being extubated, you know, four days later after the medically induced coma. I came through and I looked to my left, I looked to my right, and I'm like, what the hell happened? Like, what was going on? Um, so 24 hours later, I'm in full active labor um in Pepin, the hard place where they were checking me because I had um tachycardia in that whole episode. So, you know, it's just totally not normal. But the babies came and they were natural, and they came and it was beautiful, and everybody was was okay, and like we survived something that we weren't supposed to survive, and I'll never forget it. It was several days after the babies were born, and I'm sitting in the car on the way to the Nikki to go see them, and I'm just thinking, like, all I can think of is getting to my babies, and I'm in the the elevator, and I am just standing there thinking, you know, it's kind of in like a daze state, you know, just like moving on through. Um, and there's an anesthesia nurse that's across the way, and she is eyeballing me and she is looking at me, and finally she couldn't take it, and she's like, You going to visit somebody? And I'm like, Yeah, our twins. And she's like, You had twins, and I was like, Yeah, we had twins, um, a boy and a girl, and she's like, Castillo, and I was like, Yeah, and this woman flew across the elevator, she threw me in her arms and she's got me in this hold, and she's like, I was your anesthesia nurse, and I was the one that realized that you couldn't breathe. And it's amazing to see you here, and like you're alive.

SPEAKER_02 42:07

So and you know she meant that.

SPEAKER_01 42:10

She meant every every day. She saved my life. She was the one that saved my life, and there she was getting to see like what her compassion and what her care and what she does. If she hadn't spoken when she did, what were the outcomes? What would be the outcome? We wouldn't be here. And it was that moment that I realized okay, I am called to take care of the people that took care of me. And so now it's full circle, and I take care of the caretakers, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

SPEAKER_02 42:50

Well, that was beautiful. And as a ICU nurse, like I'm I hear you're like you're you're part of that. I guarantee you, if she were here and I would was getting her story, right, her perspective, the gratitude she feels to have been able to see you afterwards, to know. Because so many times as a nurse, you you take care for like this short a time and you just don't know what happens after. Like that's probably what she remembers the most is oh my god, she made it because she probably wasn't short if you regret.

Don’t Give Up: Closing Reflections

SPEAKER_01 43:34

I did ask my doctor at one point because everybody was looking at me. Everybody that I saw thought, you know, I just got these looks like I was like some kind of ghost or anomaly or something. And I said, Doc, I need you to be real with me. And it's just him and I in the room. And I was like, why does everybody keep looking at me like I'm a doc or like I'm a like I'm a ghost? Like I I don't get it. And he's like, let's take somebody with the level of pancreatitis that you had and how sick you were, and the fact that you were septic and tachycardic and your organs were shut down. He's like, without the twin gestation, you your chance of survival was less than three percent. You add the fact that you were pregnant with twins. It was nice like four percent. You're not supposed to be here, yeah. So I'm like, okay, that makes sense. He's like, but here you are. He's like, you're you're walking around and you're you're you're shocking the crap out of people. And so you have a ghost. You're you are a ghost.

SPEAKER_02 44:34

You've never told me this story. Like this is the first time I'm hearing it in this very moment. So many things make more sense to me. So much more.

SPEAKER_00 44:45

Hello, I'm Miranda Johnson, the CEO and founder of Mirageo Collective. Thank you so much for tuning in. Make sure you subscribe right now on YouTube to Comfort Measures Media channel, and follow us on all your favorite podcast streaming channels. See you soon.

SPEAKER_02 45:00

You were put here for a reason. You are here intentionally, and you made it because the work you're here to do is not done.

SPEAKER_01 45:14

It's not done.

SPEAKER_02 45:15

And I now I was already proud to know you and thankful to have you in my life. In this moment, I'm now realizing exactly what's sitting across from me. It doesn't fall past me. I already said it before. When I say when I say it now, I need you to hear me. I see you. Thank you. I'm so thankful that your dad put his hands on your face and said, Don't let go. We're not done. We're not done. And this feels like this was never supposed to be talked about today. This was not what we put on our menu. What we put on the menu today. And I love it so much because we just let seriously the Lord guide us and how this is going to go.

SPEAKER_01 46:04

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 46:06

I'm so thankful for it. And I absolutely can promise the two people that are watching it's my little jokes, my winning jokes. Um, I promise they will see you again. That I promise you. We have spent over 45 minutes talking, talking and sharing, and I could not be more thankful for the space you've given me and for the time you've shared with us. Unfortunately, I do have to wrap it up. I understand. So let me ask you one question as we go. If there were one thing, because here's what I believe. There are we've been tasked, right, for this life. Oh, absolutely. And that is what literally keeps me going. Because I know I have challenges. I'm like, what the fuck? Like again, and honestly, I've been through a real rough fucking six months. I'm like, I'm only 43. What's coming ahead of me? Same. Yeah, but we know there are people coming in behind us. So if you were to be able to give the upcoming healers that don't even know their gift yet, that don't even know it, one piece of advice, what would it be?

SPEAKER_01 47:17

Don't give up. Don't give up because we don't know what our path is. It's not for us to know. But if you look back on all of those trials and tribulations, you were never alone. And even in moments where you deny, and I've had those moments. I mean, we could talk a whole another two weeks and and give this, but we've had I've had those moments where I absolutely was against religion and the Lord, and I was absolutely against God, and even in those moments, He was beside me, and I always had this experience. I always had this path, and I was meant to go through those hard times because those people who are going to fight that battle can't do it from no experience of hardship. Yeah. And no experience of the lack of love and the lack of the things that I'm trying to bring to people's lives.

SPEAKER_02 48:22

So your your one tip was to not give up. Don't give up. And how symbolic is it that your dad, your earthly father, put his hands on your face and said, You're not fucking done. You're not done.

SPEAKER_01 48:36

But he was he was moved by our heavenly father. I'm not I'm not talking about le minutes later, half an hour later, in the moment that you were where my body slumped it was brought back by his hands. That's not by accident. That's not by accident.

SPEAKER_02 49:01

So I get we could I get it. Yeah, we could do this forever. Totally good. And so the the best way I feel like I could wrap up this episode, because I feel like this is a horribly bad place to wrap it up. We could go on for weeks, um, is just to reiterate Marissa's advice. I know whoever is meant to see this is going to see it. So I need you to hear what she said, and I'll double back, I'll double down on it. Don't give up. Don't give up. You're created for so much good. And even in your worst moments, he's there. Especially in your worst moments, you're never alone. We have you, we see you, and we'll be here to keep you going. You just gotta just stay along with us, and I'll tell you. Anyway, whatever. I gotta go. Until next time, on my love, on my light, the calling.