From Classroom To Caregiver: Choosing Family Over Certainty

The day a daughter takes her mother’s car keys isn’t about control—it’s about love colliding with safety. Jennifer sits down with Christine, a 21-year teaching veteran who stepped away from the classroom to care for her mom, and together we trace the hard pivot from identity to responsibility, from lesson plans to medication lists, from independence to interdependence. The conversation moves with honesty and warmth through the moments that change a life: hospital beds after bad falls, the quiet terror of role reversal, and the private negotiations that keep dignity intact when the child becomes the one who says no.

Christine shares how her teaching toolkit—empathy, clarity, and patience—became her caregiving compass. She opens up about finances after a sudden divorce, learning to stretch every dollar while juggling two households and stacks of paperwork. We lean into practical caregiver strategies that actually help: asking for backup without guilt, building micro-breaks into the week, protecting sleep, prioritizing hydration and protein, and fall-proofing the home. We talk about faith as a stabilizer, journaling as a pressure valve, and small rituals that spark joy—like declaring a Fancy Fall day or wearing a tutu simply because it keeps the spirit bright.

If you’re facing the push and pull of honoring a parent without losing yourself, this story will meet you where you are. Expect hard-won wisdom on boundaries, grace after snapping, presence over perfection, and the truth that rest is a safety protocol, not a luxury. Caregiving is rarely tidy, but meaning grows where love meets limits. Listen, share with a friend who needs encouragement, and if this conversation resonates, subscribe and leave a review so more caregivers can find their way here.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:12

Hi friends, Jennifer Eddings here. We're back for another episode of the Call A Collective. And today I'm so incredibly honored to have my personal friend Christine with me. You know, the Colliet Collective was designed to speak or to provide a safe space for healthcare workers to come and just talk about all of the real, the raw, the honest, everything. But as I kept thinking about it and as I've gone on this journey, the truth is that caretaking is not exclusive to healthcare workers. There are people out there, like my friend, that have literally had to change their entire life to start taking care of a family member. And that's what I've asked her to come here and share with us today. And again, thank you so very much for being here.

SPEAKER_02 0:50

Thank you for inviting me.

SPEAKER_00 0:51

You're very welcome. And I actually feel like I should apologize. You know, whenever I started um when I was approached about this podcast, I there was I was trying to give every reason why it wouldn't work, every reason why I wasn't the right person for it. And one of the reasons I gave was well I'm not coming dressed up every time. And he's like, I don't care what you look like. And up until now, it's always been the cute shoes, the jeans, the whatever. And today I will go back, I just don't feel like it. So I have on my sweatpants and I have on a tank top, and um then you come in looking absolutely ravishing. And so I almost feel like I should apologize to you, like I'm almost taking the level of this down a bit. We're gonna work through that, and I think you're gonna carry us both, but you look beautiful no matter what. So do me a favor. So I I always make my little one-liner joke. So for the two people that would probably watch this, you could just go ahead and introduce yourself and give them just a little bit of a backstory about you.

SPEAKER_02 1:41

Well, um, I'm Christine uh Barton, and I was a 21-year teaching veteran. My um, I'm an only child. My mother was always the one that took care of me, protected me, and then because of a lot of circumstances that happened to her when she was younger, um, her health started failing, and uh especially spinal, uh, musculoskeletal issues were the biggest thing, and I was having to take off so much time from teaching to do things for her. It wasn't fair to my students, it wasn't fair to the school. And because circumstances looked like I could pull away from teaching to be her caregiver, that's what I did, and that's what I'm doing now.

SPEAKER_00 2:30

I love I love that. Now I just want to touch on something real quick, and I I warned you before we started that I typically gave you guys a list of questions, and I'm like, I might hit one of them, you know. Right. I mean, you just said something a second ago that at the time circumstances looked like you could pull away. Um, and I wanna I do want to get back to that. So I'm only I'm putting a bookmark on that one because I think that's significant. But can you tell us just a little bit about like the moment you realized that you're that you were going to have to make this transition? What did that feel like for you? What did that feel like for your identity?

The Moment Everything Changed

SPEAKER_02 3:07

Um honestly it was terrifying because I I was a teacher. That is what I did. Um, that's all I ever wanted to be was a teacher. And um, there had been other circumstances during my teaching career that I thought I was going to have to quit teaching, um, personal injuries and things like that, and I was able to continue, so I felt like that was the thing I was going to do until you know probably 70 years old. Yeah, because I loved it, um, and so it was very scary to do it. But here's my mother who is just the most beautiful soul, and I needed to be there for her, she had always been there for me, and but it was very scary because I felt like I was losing a big part of who I was, and I didn't know what that was going to feel like, so it was very terrifying.

SPEAKER_00 4:01

Yeah, I'm sure it was. Um, so how did that go with as far as your day-to-day before? Like, did it go to like did she need full care?

SPEAKER_02 4:11

She is able to um walk with the help of a walker. Um she when I really realized things were gonna change was the last time I drove in a car with her, which was the last time that she drove a car. Yeah, you know, um, and it was just reflexes and things and medications she was on. And so yeah, it was um, you know, it it gosh, it was just yeah, there's just a lot of emotion that goes with all of that and the transitioning and having to at that one moment when I'm realizing okay, she's able to dress herself, she's able to make small meals like microwave, things in the toaster, things like that. Um she's a wonderful cook, but it's very hard for her, and she had taken some bad falls that could have ended her life and put her into at the very least hospice or nursing care facility, which I didn't I could I just couldn't do that to my mom. And so that was this moment where I was just watching her in a hospital bed, not knowing whether or not she was going to be okay. Yeah, and that's when I realized, okay, this is there's something that has to happen next.

SPEAKER_00 5:30

Even you know, and I know we laughed about it because it is when you said the thing about that was the last time she drove a club. Yeah, and we can laugh about it now, but in the moment I can only imagine there was sadness, like oh, I'm I'm going to I'm gonna lose her at some point. Like I think that might for me that would have been like that a moment where it was like she's not gonna live forever.

SPEAKER_02 5:49

And it's also so hard because I had to be the one to say to her, mom, this is dangerous. You could hurt yourself, you could hurt others. And to take that level of independence away from her was really hard as a child.

Role Reversal: Parenting A Parent

SPEAKER_00 6:06

Yeah. It's so difficult. You um were a teacher for obviously a very, very long time, and then you find yourself um I mean at home essentially with caretaking. Talk to me just about I mean, honestly, we can just get into the emotions of it, and I imagine there's 422 of them. Um, so talk to me about all the different ones, that the complexity of it, the paradoxes of it. Just talk to me about how you feel.

SPEAKER_02 6:34

Well, the hardest part, and I would say this for anybody that's got parents that are that are aging, and it's really a difficult thing that you're never prepared for, is that you're switching roles with this person who you honored, they were your parent, they were the ones telling you what to do. They were the ones making the tough decisions, they were the ones guiding you. And now all of a sudden it is switching, and you're taking on more of a role of the parent, you're being a parent to your parent. You're telling them, no, you're not drinking enough water. No, you're not gonna eat that today. No, you can't have you can't have your pudding if you don't eat your meat. Okay, like you have to all of us, yes.

SPEAKER_00 7:23

Okay, we're gonna move past that.

SPEAKER_02 7:25

And so anyway, but you have to change this mindset, and it's and it's very difficult because you start to find yourself taking away things from your parents that were significant to them. The ability to drive, the ability to pay their own bills, the ability to make decisions about where they were going to go today. No, I'm sorry, mom, we're not doing that today because we have these other things to do. It's really hard, and it's so hard for them. Of course, she's got the sweetest, kindest soul and attitude, and anything I've said to her, she's been so agreeable too. But that's not always the case. I am really grateful her mind is sharp as a tack. So she is able to logically reason why I'm asking her to do this.

SPEAKER_00 8:17

Why she can't drive anymore.

SPEAKER_02 8:18

Yeah, and and you do kind of get this little bit of a community around you with other people that start caretaking for their parents, right? Either because of physical issues or because of mental issues, and so it's very, very difficult, especially when they're not able to reason everything out. And and you do have to, even with my mom, I have to explain, but mom, here's the reason why. And what decision are you going to make? Are you going to make a decision that's going to benefit you or that's going to harm you? And having to be, like I say, the parents the parent, and it's it's hard to watch that. And I remember one time when my mom, we were at my grandparents' farm. My grandpa always used to run anywhere on the farm. He'd run to the barn, run to his work. Like just for normal transportation. Just he would run. He liked running. Okay. And the day that my mom was standing at the window and she was crying because she saw my grandpa walk to the barn. And she goes, gosh, it's hard to see your parent fail in an area. And I didn't understand that. Yeah. But now I do. And with each thing that becomes more difficult for her, sorry, that actually got me too. Yeah. That I have to do. It is hard to see this parent that you love, that you're wanting to help, and taking things away from them that have been part of their identity. So, yes, there are things of my identity that were taken away from me by caring for her, but there's a lot of her identity that's been taken from her. So, yeah, it's it's not easy.

SPEAKER_00 9:55

Yeah, yours is so beautiful because the question was absolutely uh geared around what it took from you or how you were able to shift that, and because of your heart, it the focus of that very quickly became what it did for her. And I I wouldn't change that for a bit because that's just who you are. Um, it was hard. I I had to change a lot. I I can only imagine. And while you were talking, I was thinking to myself, and you know, it goes back, you and I share the same faith and the belief that you know God has a bigger purpose than a plan. Oh, absolutely. And his plan for us was well designed long before we were born.

SPEAKER_01 10:31

Right.

SPEAKER_00 10:32

As you're talking about caretaking for her and the things you're having to explain or whatever, how how beautiful is it? Like what other profession could have possibly prepared you as well to take care of her in teaching?

Identity Loss And Faith As Anchor

SPEAKER_02 10:45

Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. Um, and that that was that's one of those things where I have taken those skills from teaching, um, the empathy um that you have to have, especially a lot of the students that I taught came from I had I taught homeless students, yeah. I taught students who didn't have food in the refrigerator at home, I had students that didn't have running water. Okay, I had students that were coming to school hungry, not dressed appropriately for the weather, all of these things, and having to really show that empathy towards them and putting myself in their place, and now I'm putting myself in my mom's place. Yeah. And also trying to do whatever I can to make myself as healthy as I can be so my children hopefully won't have to do a lot of these things for me because I do realize what it has taken away from me. You can't just make plans. I can't just say, I'm going to go on a vacation now, I'm going to do this. Everything is geared around how is my mom? It's like having a five-year-old, but that's very large. And you can talk back really, really well. And can talk back really well. And you still want to, you know, again, you talk about faith. Um, my mom always said to me growing up, and I think it was to share faith and also to maybe guilt trip me a little bit because she would say, you know, the only commandment that actually comes with a promise is honor your mother and your father, that the days and your land uh will be long and prosperous. And so I've always had that mindset of I need to honor my mother.

SPEAKER_00 12:23

Do you think that you are the minority in that? In the sense that do you so when and I still stand by my decision, it was slightly different when my father got sick and then was you know, intubating me, whatever, right before he put him into hospice. Um, he went to a home. He was a 350-pound, six foot four man that had a trach to vent, um, full care, total care, could barely move. And he would have gone home to Tennessee with my sister and my mother. I could I was a strong advocate for don't you dare? Because there's just no way you can really care for him. Right now, that's a slightly different, but there are probably a lot of people in your position that may not make the same choice, and I'm not saying it's right or wrong, everyone makes their own decisions, but do you think that you choosing to step up and care for her is in the majority of what people do, or do you think that you're more of in the minority of that?

SPEAKER_02 13:20

I think probably more in the minority. I think so too. Also, uh, just on a side note, before I started teaching, um I had worked when I was going to college, I worked as a receptionist at a multi-level care facility. And so I saw people that their kids would come in, put them in the care facility, and I never saw the kids again. Yeah. Um, and I always felt bad for the people that were there. So, and again, I don't judge because people have have jobs that they have to do.

SPEAKER_00 13:54

Now, again, are we able to are you are you able to are you willing to? You don't have to, because we didn't talk about that. No, I and earlier when we were talking before we started filming, I think that plays a huge part in this. It does.

When Plans Collapse: Divorce And Finances

SPEAKER_02 14:09

Only if you're comfortable, uh yeah, and and recognizing too, no matter what happens in your life, um, and because my life, I do direct my life a lot on what I feel God wants me to do, even though it's not easy. Um, let me preface this by saying we need to be forgiving of people. But back when this was going to happen, it was in 2020, um, and I had spoken with my husband about how I was just really feeling bad for my students, feeling bad for my mom. I felt like I was failing somebody every day. Every day. And he said, you know, we don't have to, you don't have to worry. Um, you can take care of your mom. Our the only doubt we have is our house payment. Um, we're doing really well, our retirement's great. You can have my insurance um through my work, and you know, we're set, we're good, you can do this, you can step away from teaching to care for your mom, however long that is. And so I did that in February of 21. And then six months later, he decided to go a different direction in his life, and I no longer have that husband. Um, somebody else does. And you tell that with such grace and humility. And I think there's another story a little different. There's another way of being told that, but again, it that's stuff that's happening. And so now, of course, finances are um thankfully I have the wonderful skill set of shopping at thrift stores and knowing how to pinch a penny until Abraham Lincoln starts crying. Um, so yeah, so I've got those skills, but um, you know, it was one of those things where it uh it was it was really hard because I was having to go through probably one of the most devastating things that's happened. And I've been through a lot of devastating things, and she knows all of the stories. Um, part of those devastating things that happened in my childhood is what actually led to my mom's disabilities that she has now absolutely um and lots of physical abuse, and so I went through that and still had my heart broken beyond belief. And to be able to show up for my mom every day and while you were breaking, while I was breaking, and my children were breaking and trying to pick up each other's pieces. Yes, and thankfully I have a mother with such a huge compassionate heart. She could even sense, and she'd be like, sweetie, I'm fine today, everything's fine, I've got plenty of food here, you know. Just rest, write, journal, pray, whatever you need to do. So, yeah, so that is a significant part because I was not just sacrificing identity by caring for my mom right now. I don't have money going into retirement. Correct. I don't have insurance that's great, insurance. There's a lot of things, and I'm still choosing my mom.

Boundaries, Safety, And Tough Decisions

SPEAKER_00 17:13

Hey friends, Jennifer Eddings here, the heart behind the Call Light Collective. You know, I created this space for you, I created this space for me, I created this space for all of us. This is a space that is designed for us to come in and speak about the things that are heavy. For anyone that is navigating a difficult situation, for anyone that has found themselves standing in the middle of life just looking for the light. Around here, we talk about the things that aren't easy to talk about. We talk about the things that people typically are quiet about or whisper about. We talk about the things that literally can set someone free once they know that they're not the only one going through it. So, this is my ask of you. I want you to be just as much of this movement as I am and the women that have sat in these chairs before you. I would love for you to share your story with me. Write to me. Tell me what you're going through, share a situation that you've been navigating through, and you just would love some outside perspective on it. Or if you just really need to know that you're not alone, you can email me at come for measures24 at gmail.com. I would love to hear from you. Whenever you need something or you need someone to be there for you, I beg of you just to hit the call like. And I promise I'll answer. Because at the end of the day, all of us are just walking each other home one conversation at a time. Every aspect of it.

SPEAKER_02 18:39

And yes, I uh really did, and you know, but this is the thing that is cool is that God works all things out for good. And I know that um, you know, I always say, what's the best thing that can happen to me today? And it's a beautiful mindset, so you have to look at like that, and also to say, you know, today I'm better than I was yesterday, and tomorrow I will be better than I am today. Because that's the path I'm taking, that's the choice I'm making. And my choice is also to try and help my mom to get her best. And when you were talking about your dad, and uh, there are situations if my mom was not able to get up from a chair, if she was not able to move around because of back issues I have myself, I would not be able to care for her. She would have to be someplace where there are trained professionals to do that, and that would be a really tough decision to make. And I always tell her this is why you're gonna eat your protein and you're going to drink your water, and you're going to do your exercises. Nope, before me. I mean, it's your life lesson. Because I don't want you to fall. Yeah. I don't want you to be at a point where you can't use your leg muscles, your arm muscles. So I am, you know, I do her manicure. Her pedicures, her hair care. I'm her beautician, I'm her accountant, I am her housekeeper, I am, you know, the grocery getter, and I am, yeah. I am doing and this is my children had even asked me because of course I I bathe her, I help with those things, which is also an uncomfortable transition. And my children had asked, How are you able to do this? You know, grandma has issues and things that come up where you are cleaning up, doing all of these things. And I said, Every single thing I am doing for her is what she already has done for me. When I was small and my legs were short, she would make her step smaller so that I could keep up with her. When I spilled on myself, she wiped me out. When I needed a bath, she bathed me. Whatever I'm doing for her now, the protection she gave me, the love she showed me, the compassion. When I'd ask for the same story to be read night after night, and she would patiently read me that story, and now she's retelling me stories for the hundredth time that I would like to say, I've heard that a hundred times. I am patient with her and listen to it as if it's the very first time she's ever told it to me. Because that's what she did for me. And so I'm just giving back to her because that is my way of honoring her, and I'm also saying to my kids, pay attention. Yeah, right. Because hopefully you won't have to do this for me, but just in case, this is how you honor your parent. And again, for people who have are in situations, I know people that their parents have had to go to a nursing facility because they had special needs children at home of their own that were consuming so much of their emotional and physical energy. Right. And you have to make choices at certain points, and those are hard choices to make.

SPEAKER_00 22:05

No, for sure is not. Um, I still think there is room to acknowledge that you could have made a different choice and you didn't. Even after your whole world shifted, you could have made a different choice. Um instead you've chosen self-sacrifice to continue honoring a woman who also chose self-sacrifice. Thank you. And it's pretty beautiful.

SPEAKER_01 22:34

Thank you.

Finding Joy: Tutus, Fancy Fall, Small Wins

SPEAKER_00 22:34

You know, I you know I'm I call myself a storyteller, um, probably only rivaled by you, to be honest with you. In my personal circle. I mean, they're you know, they're uh John Gershon's fine, yeah, whatever. He's sorry. Um like in the in the Facebook world or social media world with our circle or whatever, you do such a great job of telling stories and relating stories. Like I'll never forget the grandpa story, I'll be very honest with you. Um, because that was significant in many ways. But you do a great job of telling the stories and walking us through your life, um, your ups and your downs. And there was a post you made, I don't remember where it was, and you said, I'm you said you were in this beautiful floral dress, and you said, I'm celebrating, how was it, fancy Thursday or Fancy Fall. Fancy fall. And you're like, that doesn't even that doesn't even exist, but it does now because I wanted to.

SPEAKER_02 23:30

I made it up.

SPEAKER_00 23:31

I made it up because that's exactly right. And it was just another celebration, it was almost of a defiance of what is probably likely supposed to have happened to your spirit, being given everything you've gone through. And that was a testament of defiance of standing up and saying, You're not gonna tear me down. I choose my happiness. And there has to be, well, it doesn't have to be, but I'm curious if you could tell us besides fancy fall, which honestly I'm here for it next year, whatever date that was, I'm going. Um, what uh you know, I was in in healthcare we talked about like what is your what is your release, like how when we interview people for like jobs, whatever, like how do you take care of yourself? How do you um disconnect? How do you let go of everything that you're feeling and whatever? And I I wore this shirt today just as a the as a semblance of that life is hard, and if we just stay home and we and we just just roll around in all the hard and all the grief and all the whatever, we're destined to be exactly what we think. We are a product of what we think. So when I'm feeling down, I get up and get out. And this is a group that is in St. Pete, and they and you know, because I know you know it's just too. I know you know, should have told me before. This one's a little special, especially my birthday, and it says uh 42 and feral on the back, which is fantastic. But anyway, um finding people or finding other outlets to hang out with, and this group is more about like going to music concerts, and you know that by telling the two people they don't know, um that maybe not immersing yourself in the entire like your whole life becoming that because lately you've seen my stories as to what happens when that happens, but to just be gathering so I've I've I've real wrote it. My question for you, not real writing, but you don't think my question for you is aside from fancy faults, how else do you keep your life so bright? Because you have one of the brightest, and to look at you without knowing anything, it would be very easy to assume that you were Miss Nebraska, that you had everything into you, a perfect conjoined home with a great like June Cleaver situation. Um you are gorgeous on the outside, just so beautiful, but the inside shows just shines so bright. So, how how do you not let your life?

Empathy From A Hard Childhood

Daily Care, Dignity, And Gratitude

SPEAKER_02 25:59

Well, um just kind of going back to some stuff that you know about me. Um I was literally in a home that there was abuse and there was addiction, and along with all of that fun, um I was if you've ever seen Sixteen Candles or any of those whole John Hughes movies, there's always like that back brace girl that's bringing the back brace with the bar, you know. I was the back brace girl, or Romeo Michelle's high school reunion or whatever. I was the back brace girl, and I was bullied um all the time, and then always feeling like I had to be perfect because there was already enough uh problems, you know, when I'd walk, there was no escape. There was I couldn't go to school and escape home, and I couldn't go home and escape school. Um, and so um thankfully at a very early age um I was able to understand faith in God, and honestly, um that's a lot. I I I talk, I'm very much kind of one of those intercessor peoples, and also, and you understand this, the empath side, because in your life you had to, for your own safety, read the room. You had to be able to know what somebody was feeling, and so I found that when I focus on other people and try to help other people and make other people have a good day, when I have a good day. Um, when you know I see somebody at a trip store or whatever, and I like their shoes, I like their hair, I like their smile, I tell them, I tell them to have a great day. And my children used to hate to go shopping with me because I would end up becoming best friends with somebody like in the deli section of public so I need to get my pubs done. I hope I could say that. So um, but yeah, and I think it's about when you take the focus off of yourself and you put it onto how can I make someone else's day better, it makes your day better. Um, it's a lot of I I spend a lot of time journaling and writing, and because that's the other thing that I'm doing on the side as I'm caring for my mom, is working on writing. And by the way, I love reading all of your posts. You if you don't write a book, I'm yeah, if anybody needs to write a book, you need to write a book. But that's what I'm working on. And so when I'm starting, you you have to look at the positive. What is the good thing in this day? Um, and I used to ask my children that, um, whether it was my own children or my students in my classroom, somebody tell me about what your best thing that happened to you yesterday was or today was. What's the best thing? You know, let's focus on that. And um, and so for me, yeah, it's dressing up, it's wearing a back brace for so many years. You just couldn't wear cute clothes, and thankfully, because I was really poor when I was younger, I know how I'm not afraid of wearing secondhand clothing because I was wearing hand-me-downs, you know, when I was a kid, and so finding just play ways. I used to even when I was teaching, I would over my jeans, I would be wearing a nice outfit, or over my suit, I would just throw on a tutu on top of it, and um and that had special meaning for me too. Um, and this is all for another day, but anything, anything that brought joy, if it brings joy, focus on that. And so, and I'm not going to pretend that that's just all there is. Because in in life, there's a lot of darkness that comes into that you have to fight against. And I I have those days where I am pity partied to the nth degree. I am, you know, throwing confetti and having my own little pity party about the things that I'm going through and the things I've had to sacrifice. So, no, my I know what it's like to be hungry, I know what it's like to be homeless, I know what it's like to be poor, I know what it's like to be bullied and abused, I know what it's like to be afraid every day for a really long time. And so I guess my thing with teaching and even caring for my mom is the need to make sure, because I don't, you never know what another person is going through. It's true. And so if I can make somebody else's day better that might be going through their own personal hardships or heartbreak, then that's a good thing if I'm able to do that. And so, yeah, so you know, yeah, I made it up. Everybody can participate or heartbreak, then that's a good thing if I'm able to do that. And so, yeah, so you know, yeah, I made it up. Everybody can participate. You do make it up and so yeah, so it's just it's about what can I do to make someone else's life better? And when my mom, before I like, because I'll go home at night, um, she lives in her own house because she insists on it, and uh, first off, all of the walls in her house are purple, and it's beautiful because that's her favorite color. I love that for her, and she likes to keep the house at a very comfortable 81 degrees, and I think that I think that's subjective, very comfortable. You know why? Because arthritis, like warmth feels better when you're in pain, you know, and you have to be understanding of that. Um, and also having, you know, I know every episode of Andy Griffith's show as well, but that makes her happy. And so when I leave the house at night, and sometimes I go in really early in the morning, and we have breakfast and lunch and all that, and sometimes I go in a little bit later because I still have I have two households I'm taking care of, two houses I'm cleaning, basically two families. I've got, you know, um you literally do. I've got two two taxes, two sets of bills, all these things. But when I go to leave my house and my mom hugs me and tells me that I'm the best daughter ever and how grateful she is to me, oh my gosh. And she always, like, if you go right now to her house and we sit down over a cup of coffee, the first thing that she'll tell you is if I would have sat across the table from God and asked him for the perfect daughter, he gave me better. And she literally tells that to every single person. So, how could I not take care of a woman with that kind of a heart? And the challenge is though, not every day has always been like that for her. Yeah, she's gone through her share when she had viral encephalitis and like lost her mind and was treating me horribly, and she was supposed to die, but she lived miraculously. You know, students that I taught that called me a few choice names. Yeah, you have there's that's where the forgiveness of grace comes in too.

SPEAKER_00 32:57

Well, because that I mean, well, viral, I mean, encephalitis is different, but it right, especially students recognizing them that anger that comes out at you, the name crawling, that is displacement of a lot of hurt. Yeah. Um, and I think that I think the takeaway from a lot of this is just you have lived your life in the service of others in whatever capacity that meant, as a wife, as a mother, as a daughter, as a teacher, and even now as a friend. And you know, we talk about we we uh we share a lot, and I'm sure anyone that knows me enough on social media from work, whatever, when you mentioned a two-ju, they were like, of course she wore a tutu. Because that's something I enforced parents around a lot too. And it's funny, people have always tried to, and I don't know if you experienced this at your school, always try to figure out like, but why? I don't have a good answer. Why not? Other than it makes me happy. That's all I can tell you. And when we're dealing with really hard things, chances are, especially if anyone else notices you're going through a hard time, I can I can take it to the bank that it's 47 times worse and you're able to hide most of it. And at night when it gets dark or whatever, that's when it really comes out. So, and I and I don't know about you, but there are nights where I wasn't sure I was gonna wake up the next day. Right. So if wearing a tutu on a Wednesday in the middle of August keeps me alive for the next day or two, I'm wearing a tutu on Wednesday in the middle of August.

Advice For Caregivers: Guilt, Rest, Help

SPEAKER_02 34:32

I know what you're saying about not knowing if you're gonna wake up. Um, when I had the massive subractory brain hemorrhage from falling in my classroom, and my neurologist has said you could re-bleed and not wake up. And you just have to say, Well, did I live this day the best that I could have? Is this the day that I will be remembered? Like Dr. Seuss says, I will live this day as if the day will be the day I am remembered. And so I always think that to myself too. I've been given 24 hours and it's a gift. And just like I always told my students, that's why we call it the present, because it's a gift. So, anyway, that's how I and and being a caregiver, you know, there's a lot of people out there right now that are having to do that, and some of you are dealing with parents who get angry and who will rebel against the things that you're trying to do to help them, but just remember um the good that you're doing, and I because I would just say that, you know, it is a sacrifice, and yeah, I do sometimes at night sit there thinking, what is my retirement gonna look like, and how am I going to make it every day? But I always know that God hasn't failed me yet, and I don't expect Him to ever do that. So I have a purpose and a plan for my life, and part of that is taking care of my mom uh right now. That's right.

SPEAKER_00 35:48

You know, you just saying that about um, and and I appreciate you the shout-out to anyone that is also in that situation. It also can be said that I've already said that I think you're the minority of people that would choose to do what you've done, but I also think you're probably in the minority of the people that are caretakers that either were you know I think we're healers. You know that I think there are certain people that we're sitting here. Our lives tend to be harder because our calling is higher. And how would you ever connect with the people you've ever connected with if you didn't know addiction, if you didn't know homelessness, if you didn't know all those things? And honestly, how how lucky are we to have been given that gift, regardless of a hard life, to be able to help somebody else through theirs. So I I do wonder I question, and this is probably gonna be the last like actual question we're gonna get to, although I've gotten to this many other questions, which I told you would happen. Um for those that are not as fortunate to have the outlook and the spirit and the optimism and the faith that you have that are in those caretaker situations, assuming that nothing you say is gonna change those things I just said. Are there any is there any advice or tips you can give or um insight as to how to not lose yourself completely in what you're doing?

SPEAKER_02 37:15

That's that's a tough question. Um you you have to make choices every day, just like even as a mother, right? Yeah, um, because sometimes, you know, as a mother, you start to lose your identity because it is wrapped up in your children, and so it's very similar with that. You do have to remember that, and it's you know, people always say, well, if you don't take care of yourself, you can't take care of anybody else, and you're like, that's great. Thanks for the advice. Um, well, just don't be anxious. Yeah, just and just not breathe though. So it's really important to take those moments, um, and especially when you get frustrated, just like with children. Sometimes you have to remove yourself from the situation. Sometimes it's me reaching out to one of my children or even one of my one of my mom's friends and saying, Hey, is there any way you could come over and spend some time with my mom? Is there any way that you could just take over for a little bit? And and and don't feel guilty about that, okay? That's the biggest thing. Don't feel guilty when you have to take care of yourself. And that was a big thing for me for a little while. I was feeling guilty if I wasn't there every second. Absolutely. But then I was falling apart, my home was falling apart. Um, and so you have to take those moments and carve out some time, whether it's watching your favorite movie, just separating yourself, watching your favorite movie, going out for a cup of coffee or dinner with friends, or even taking yourself out. I take myself out on dates all the time, and I'm an excellent date. I just want to tell you. Um, I always hold the door open for myself. Um, so but you have to do things, and and whether it's meditation, whether it's prayer, whether it's journaling, um, that's where you can take out a lot of your frustrations, a lot of the uh just when you're like, oh, I can't do this, and then you journal, you know, or you pray about it, or you just find that friend that you can vent to where you're venting a safe, um, and you just take those moments to be fancy, to put on the tutu, or to just relax, to just lay out in the sun on a blanket and just take in some of the fresh air. But you have to because if you don't do that, there is like literally a statistic that caregivers, if they don't do that, you're the person you're giving the care to might outlive you. And that is really an important thing to keep in mind. That's one of the things I was told right off the bat. Your mom might outlive you if you do not take care. Better care of yourself. And so that is really an important thing to keep in mind.

Grace, Presence, And The Long View

SPEAKER_00 40:04

You touched on the guilt. And I think that the majority of us in this world, that that's probably the most debilitating emotion to feel the guilt or shame. And I I love just you speaking and telling your story. It will touch someone that is currently feeling guilty because they didn't like to watch Andy Grave. Because they do not want to hear that story that they've heard a hundred times. And you give them permission to at least say, you know what, I'm normal. This is normal. And I am doing the absolute best that I can do. And not that you need encouragement to continue telling your story because you're going to, but I just don't know that you realize the impact that you would have or that you do have on those that are feeling alone and that they're by themselves. And that they must be the only daughter who did not want to make poached eggs for the 14th day of child. And it's just not true. They're not alone. And you're and you're not. And none of us are alone in any of this. And that is why I know I and I know you are so committed to living out loud and sharing all of the things.

SPEAKER_02 41:25

Absolutely. And and also, and if I could just add some, if you're a caretaker, whether you're a parent, whether you're caring for a you know an elderly parent, whatever the case might be, give yourself some grace. Give yourself some forgiveness. Because there are going to be times that you are going to snap. And you're going to be like, oh my gosh, do we have to have it at 81 degrees? And you're going to turn it down to 70? Yeah. And you're going to be like, I'm sorry. You're just going to have to freeze from it because I can't handle the seed. Okay. And then after the fact, you're like, oh my gosh, I can't. I didn't need to talk that way. I didn't need to have that tone. I should have shown more grace. Look, give yourself grace because you're only human, okay? And yeah, and you're and you're gonna have those days where you're going through something yourself and you're still having to step up to the plate for someone, and you're not gonna necessarily do it perfectly. But you don't have to do it perfectly. Sometimes all you have to do is show up. I sometimes wear it is it. Sometimes, sometimes the most important thing that I give to my mom in the course of my time with her is just my presence, a hug, holding her hand, something like that. That might be all I can give her for that day. But that means you gave her a hundred percent. But yeah, and then you just have to say, you know what, maybe today wasn't perfect, but God willing, and the creek don't rise, maybe I'll get it tomorrow to do it better. So show yourself some grace, show yourself some mercy and forgiveness, okay? Um, because you need it as much as anybody else does.

Closing Reflections And Wider Call To Care

SPEAKER_00 43:02

And I I want to add on, and we definitely are getting close to time, and I do want to add on to that because you're right. I do think I remember at a time where I was just really struggling, and I would hear people say, You have to pour in your own cup before we can pour in others. I was so tired I'm gonna. I was so tired. I was like, what does that even mean? I don't even know. And people would say, well, watch take yourself to a movie. What is going to see Ghostbusters gonna do for me? Because my husband cheated. How was how is going to go see that movie gonna help me? It's not. But then one day I was like, you know what? I'll go see the damn movie. I'll just go because nothing I'm doing is working. It wasn't the movie, it was the time away, yeah, it was the space away, doing something for myself, regardless if I care to see that damn movie or not. It was the presence of myself and allowing to just rest and take away all the other responsibility and drown out all the other noise. So I know you've heard us say a few things that maybe you're like, oh okay. Um I get it. There is truth to it, guys. I wanted the biggest skeptics of some of that shit. You know, it's really one of the things, oh well, don't be anxious. I cannot believe I have a phone. You know what I mean? Oh yeah. So anyway, so I know you're gonna hear, like you heard some of the things she said, and they may be something that you've you've heard people say before. What I'm telling you now, and and assuming you trust me at this point, every single thing that this woman said, when I I know I have a beautiful spirit, and I'm not even afraid to say that anymore. It doesn't come close to yours. Oh, whatever. Um, so take what she said for truth. Um, and and that's and honestly, and you said it yourself earlier about if you can make um anyone stay better. One of the things I say a lot, and I'm gonna end this show just on that, is that we really are all we really are all just walking each other home, guys. Every single one of us. And if there's anything that you can or I can or she can do each day or every moment to make somebody else's journey a little less heavy or a little more bright, that is literally the only thing we're here to do. What no matter what your faith is, I don't care. That is what we're here to do. It is that humanity is about being here for each other and showing up every day, despite how hard it is. I this could not have been easy for you to talk about. Um, at least, or maybe it was, I don't know. But I am so it is life, it is life, and I I am I am incredibly grateful for you. I am so grateful for your mother. Because you are here and you are who you are because of her. I am, and you have shared so many beautiful stories about her, and hopefully one day you can share them again with everybody. Oh, I'd love to be able to do that. Um, if I can be half of the mother that she was, I will be successful. Especially I'm not so sure my kids made the same choice that you did. Does it care me and I'm just gonna be really honest? Um, so I just want to say thank you from the bottom half.

SPEAKER_02 45:50

Oh, thank you for having me here because it it's it's an important conversation. It is such a really good station. And you never think in a million years, I thought my mom was gonna be that person that was gonna live 200 and be wearing her high heels and you know just rocking it and being totally healthy. You never think that's gonna happen until it happens, and that there's nothing that prepares you for it.

SPEAKER_00 46:14

It's just life, it's just life, and you have to just keep on figuring out how to roll with it. Oh, absolutely. Anyway, I appreciate you guys so very much. It's been another episode um here with Christine again. Thank you very much. And just a reminder to everybody else caretaking is is not just healthcare professionals. Caretaking is a mother, it's a father, it's a sister, it's a friend. It's um it's honestly probably any of us. So, anyway. Until next time, all my love, all my light. This is the call.