Episode 16: "The Polarity Collapse" Here's Why Your Relationships Keep Falling Apart

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Guest: André Paree — Relationship Coach, NLP Practitioner, Author & Ordained Minister

If you've ever felt like you're doing everything right — successful career, beautiful life on paper — and still can't figure out why your relationships feel draining, confusing, or just… off, this episode is for you.

This week, Shwetha sits down with André Paree, one of the most grounded and practical relationship coaches working today. André has studied under relationship masters including Dr. Pat Allen, Esther Perel, Dr. John Gray, and Alison Armstrong — and what he shares in this conversation is the kind of clarity most people spend years (and thousands of dollars) trying to find.

André breaks down the real reason smart, high-achieving people struggle in love — and it has nothing to do with being broken, unlovable, or choosing the wrong people. It has everything to do with understanding the mechanics of polarity, masculine and feminine energy, and the patterns we carry from childhood that silently run the show.

In this episode, you'll learn:

• What "polarity collapse" is — and why it's quietly destroying even the strongest relationships
• Why power couples who have everything often end up as roommates within 10 years
• The difference between masculine and feminine energy (and why it has nothing to do with gender roles)
• The 5-Sense Car Reset ritual to shift from boss mode back into your body before you walk through the door
• Why women in their masculine energy become "invisible" to masculine men — and what to do about it
• How childhood beliefs about love are silently writing the script of every relationship you've ever had
• Why vulnerability is not weakness — it's the only thing that creates real attachment
• The first step André takes with every client before anything else: trauma release

Connect with André:

📧 andrecoaching1@gmail.com

• Subject line "Irresistible Book" to receive his free 30-page workbook: The Five Feminine Qualities High Value Men Find Absolutely Irresistible
• Subject line "Talk Now" to book a free discovery call

Mentioned in this episode:

• Alison Armstrong — Understanding Women workshop
• Dr. Pat Allen — Marriage, family & child therapist, Los Angeles
• Esther Perel — Author of Mating in Captivity
• Dr. John Gray — Author of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus
• Project Equinox Coaching

Join The Shift Lab:

The community for high-achieving people who are done repeating patterns and ready to build lives that feel aligned from the inside out. Relationships, mindset, purpose, and everything in between. 🔗 skool.com/the-shift-lab-2671/about

Healthy love is not accidental. It is learned, practiced, and refined — just like every other pillar of an intentional life.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_04 0:00

Hello, beautiful humans! Before we begin today's episode, we have officially crossed thousand episode downloads, and I wanted to just celebrate with all of you. Thank you for listening. That number just feels surreal because I started end of September. I didn't know where this was going. I just knew that I wanted to have these amazing conversations, meeting amazing people, and then share it with all of you out there. What started as a simple intention to explore clarity, purpose, mind, body, soul, and leadership has turned into a global conversation. I'm deeply grateful, grateful for every guest who trusted this platform, grateful for every listener who tunes in during walks, commutes, quiet evenings, and big life transitions. Life Vision Lab was built on eight pillows: mind, body, soul, character, career, finances, relationships, and spiritual life. And today we are diving into one of the most powerful and often misunderstood pillars. Relationships. Because here's the truth. You can have success, you can have money, you can have recognition, but if your intimate relationships are chaotic, draining, or confusing, it affects everything around you. And that is why today's guest is so special. But before I introduce him, one more thing. As this community grows, I felt called to create something deeper, a space for real conversation, real growth, and real evolution. That is why I started the Shift Lab. It's a community for high-achieving people who are ready to start repeating patterns and start building aligned life. If this podcast resonates with you, I invite you to explore it. The link will be in the show notes below. Now, let me introduce you to today's guest, Andre Paradis, relationship coach, NLP coach, educator of effective communication, we all need that. Published writer, public speaker, and ordained minister. He grew up in Canada, went on vacation to Los Angeles, got scouted, became a professional dancer. That is wild, booked work and danced with legends like Michael Jackson, Prince, Paula, Julio, and the list goes on. He met his wife, built a life, opened an auto body shop, built a successful business, had two children, and then attended a workshop called Understanding Women. I wonder why. We'll get to know more. And the workshop changed everything for Andre. He studied under relationship masters like Dr. Pat Allen, Dr. Esther Peril, Dr. John Gray, Shanti Felhan, and Alison Armstrong. He discovered what he calls a deeper calling. He sold his autobody business and launched Project Equinox Coaching. And today he helps men and women build stronger, healthier, lasting love relationships. That sounds like a dream. Andre, welcome to Life Vision Lab.

SPEAKER_01 3:11

Thank you. It's funny, an introduction like this, I go, wow, this guy's like, who is she talking about? Oh, wait, it's me. Wait, what?

SPEAKER_04 3:18

Well, that's pretty wild. It's interesting to hear back. Right? When you listen to someone introduce you, yes.

SPEAKER_01 3:25

It's kind of wild. So thank you. I'm happy to be here. Happy to help, happy to share the message. I'm here to bring hope to the world of relationship. What's out there right now is chaotic. Everyone's confused, everyone's frustrated, there's a lot of anger, there's a lot of separation. And that's anti anti-humans who were made to be pair bonded, to be better, to be happier. Like you said in the intro, what we need as nature for us. And when this doesn't work, people's lives are miserable. Even if they're successful in every other area of life, if your love dynamics, love relationships don't work out. Successful people, I'm in Los Angeles, right? A lot of successful people, the same people without able to build a healthy relationship, feel like losers, feel like they're miserable. They feel like they're missing the boat on something. And it's factual.

unknown 4:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 4:14

And thank you for joining me, Andre. It's such a pleasure to have you. Andre, I have to start here. I think it's a very important question. You were dancing with global icons and then building a business, then raising a family. What happened in that workshop? What made you go to that workshop? And what made you say, This is it, this is my calling?

SPEAKER_01 4:36

All right, so it's a long story because it starts with the fact that I was in personal development workshops at the age of 23 forward. Right. As soon as I got to Los Angeles, I just started like managed trying to understand. I wanted to be successful, I want to be big, I want to figure out who I am at that time. But at 23, I was a little bit like woo. And so as big as Los Angeles is, the the people who do uh personal development is still a small community. You keep running into the same people over and over again. So I had my car business that I'd taken as far as I could with my brain and my knowledge. So of course I'm in a workshop learning how to raise the ceiling on the production and whatever. So I'm in San Jose, which is Northern California, for three days. On the flight back, this this is the last time I thought life was random. Before that, I thought I was kind of life was random, right? Even though it had some things that are like, wait, how do we get here? But anyway, so on the flight back, I met this couple in the workshop, and on the flight back in the 200-seat airplane, and we have three seats and three seats. I'm sitting with this couple that I meet. And I remember thinking, how how coincidental, how random is that? Like out of 200 people, I'm sitting with these two. And sure enough, no coincidence. So what happens is as we're flying into LA, she's like, What are you doing next weekend? I go, Next weekend I'm free. Why? She goes, You want to come to a workshop? It's on me. I'm like, absolutely. Right? Absolutely. Because I mean, I'm a workshop head, I like to learn, I'm gonna learn something. It could be about watermelons, you know. If if if you have a knowledge that's deep, I want to know. So I say yes. And then after the fact, she's like, Oh, great. I says, but so what's a workshop? It's called understanding women. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 6:23

Do I look like I don't? Okay.

unknown 6:25

Right.

SPEAKER_01 6:26

I wasn't funny. It wasn't that okay. That wasn't my reaction. My reaction was I couldn't tell you why, but I was the guy who always attracted sweet, sweet, sweet women. Always, right? So you meet my wife, you go, Oh my god, oh she's so lovely. Oh right, like she's just but that's what I attracted. So I had ease with the ladies. I thought it's because I knew something, I'm artistic, I'm easygoing. I but I couldn't have explained it. I just so now I'm thinking, Oh, I'm gonna spend two days in a workshop on this any women, it's gonna be cute, like be nice, and like I just thought it's gonna be cute. Like, I because I got this. So Saturday morning, I I get in my car early because I'm driving to a big airport uh hotel, kind of backwards. I said I was gonna be there, so I'm there. Um again thinking it was gonna be cute, and I walked into space 400 people. And I made instantly was like, oh, not cute. Like, okay, something going on here. You know what I mean? And sure enough, over the the course course of the workshop, this man who was at an easy little ladies, I came off my chair seven times. I came off of my chair on the ground seven times, like bewildered, baffled, completely, what right? And and the the workshop leader was really smart, it was Alison Armstrong. She would take a pause after a big drop moment, right? We're like, What? The man, because it was a 100 men, 300 women, and it was strategic. So I was surrounded with women. It was a 19-year-old on my right, there's 30 year old on my left. So and Alison would say, just so you don't think it's me out front who's a crazy woman, right? Let's take five minutes check with the ladies around you. I remember the 19-year-old, and I I big drop, pick myself up off the ground, and I go, What? She goes, Yeah. I mean, but doesn't make any sense. Yeah, it doesn't really make sense to us either. Well, that would make me crazy.

SPEAKER_00 8:26

Yeah, sometimes we think we're a little crazy.

SPEAKER_01 8:27

Sometimes we think a lot uh anyway, confirm, confirm, confirm to the left, to the right, in front. So all I can tell you is I came home and my wife said I was white. I was actually upset because at the time I have two little kids. I have my wife, I have my angel, my life is perfect, I live in paradise, I have everything, right? But I realized I knew nothing about women, which means I know nothing about my wife. Houston, we have a problem. Now, understand my family, I have four siblings, everybody's divorced twice and three times. Everybody is chaos, right? I have my life, everything's in place for me. I and my memory thinking, I'm not gonna be statistic because I didn't know. That's and my brain that's curious for everything that just like boom exploded. So I jumped in that company's workshops. I think they had 11 at the time. I did all their workshops, and after doing all the workshops, you know, you could actually volunteer to be in the space and volunteer and help. And I did that every almost every weekend because you could hear the same course with a different teacher, it's different. You hear it differently, it lands differently, different questions from the audience. So, my what I'm telling you is as I'm grabbing onto this 11 workshops, the more I learned, the more I realized there was more to learn. And when I was through with that segment, I continued with other masters, Alison. I'm from the first one, but Dr. Pat Allen, three and a half years, Dr. Allen here privately in Los Angeles, like 47 years of family, uh family marriage child therapist, taught me and two other people, three other people with a very small space, semi-private, 47 years of her work. Like just so uh Shanti Felhan is love and respect. Hester Perel, who's now famous at a time she wasn't, is about um intimacy and why people cheat. If they cheat, why they don't oh my goodness, another layer and a layer.

SPEAKER_04 10:23

I love Esther Perel's the way she translates and can simplify things, right?

SPEAKER_01 10:29

But every one of them, Dr. John Gray, Mars and Venus, famous for that book you know from 35 years ago. Actually, it's I think it's longer.

SPEAKER_04 10:36

Um, not when I was probably in school, but yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:40

Yeah, no, so the past 15 years of his life, he is all focused on the chemistry of our bodies, our biological instinct of not instinct, but our biolectual beings, which makes us think and feel and process and motivate. But so we're again two different beasts in a culture that says we're the same. That's where the problem comes in. Anyway, so like I said, in the original in the beginning, I was doing this for us. I I was doing this for us, like I didn't want to be a statistic for my wife, for my kids, for my wife, and then it exploded into this monster. And I I had a body shop, I was doing both uh as fast as I could, and people started spilling on me. Like my customers would drop their cars and start crying, and like they just would open up to me, like I have I'm that guy people open up to. Okay, so I would close the door. That means you know, somebody's crying, don't come in. And that's how it started. And my friends got out of wagon.

SPEAKER_04 11:41

Right, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:42

It's basically two and a half years later, I started Pash Equinox to make it official, and it became all I wanted to do. I mean, I got or ordained as a minister because some of my clients, not only do I help them find, attain, sustain healthy relationship, but if they if it's possible, if it's doable, they can afford it as well. Um, I married them myself. The ultimate honor. So I just did two last summer.

SPEAKER_04 12:08

So it was a combination of intellectual clarity you were seeking, but also that emotional awakening as you were seeking that clarity, right?

SPEAKER_01 12:17

And then that again, like understanding the moment's brain, you know, why you take things personally, you know, why tone of voice is more important than the words that I'm using. What how's that possible? How I can hurt her feelings by saying something, to try to explain that to a guy. I can hurt her feelings by saying something, but I can also hurt her feelings by not saying something. What? I didn't say anything. Like, we'll get how, right?

SPEAKER_04 12:40

So, like for us, it goes to make sure my husband listens to this part.

SPEAKER_01 12:44

I I I can do something to make you feel well, right? I cannot do something and still hurt her feelings. Come on, right? So the finesse understanding of that instinct. Wow, there's really good reasons for that, by the way, ladies. Not because you're crazy, right? It's an instinctual uh place uh uh mechanism in place for survival, but we don't understand it that way, we just react, you know what I mean? So we think you're a little right, and on the other side, because we're warrior at heart, right? We're head-centered, we're not heart-centered, you're heart center, we're head centered, two different machines again, right? Yeah, this is why the complications, right? But we're logical, we're linear, we're trying to explain to you why you should not feel this way.

SPEAKER_03 13:24

Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 13:24

Right? How's that going? Right? This is how women want to kill us. Like you shouldn't, you should you shouldn't let that bother you, right? Because that's how we do it.

SPEAKER_03 13:31

Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 13:31

So we advise you in the ways that work for us, put it aside, keep going, right? That's not how women work. So we appear to you as detached, cold, careless, right, selfish, shallow, even, self-centered, because we're in our heads, we're not connected to you most of the time. And for you, your calls need to be connected to us all the time to feel safe. Yes, that's where everything comes undone. We're not the same, we're we're complete polar opposite. That is the point, and that is like the magic, right? Because we live again, we live in a culture of we're the same, and the more you believe that, the more you're gonna think the other one's misbehaving, and and you know, really try to you're gonna think something's wrong with them.

SPEAKER_04 14:14

Because also there's this whole conversation around we are one and oneness, and you know, the the spiritual side of things, and then you hear that men are different, women are different, and causes so much confusion. So I love that you said I think the most common feeling around relationships not working out, or the fear around let's not even get into the dating scene today, right? It's the confusion and the separation. I think those two words really describe it um spot on with how relationships are evolving. So let's talk about the elephant in the room. Why are so many smart, accomplished people struggling in relationships? Because you work with high-functioning adults, you work with leaders, you work with entrepreneurs. What patterns do you see again and again? Is it communication? Is it polarity? Is it both? Is it uh misunderstanding of the masculine and feminine because it feels so esoteric?

SPEAKER_01 15:17

So, in a nutshell, is the neutralization of masculine and feminine, it's the neutralization of polarity that kills relationships. So, let me explain. Like, there's a new concept in a culture where we raise you ladies, women to be strong, independent, powerful, make some money, make some business, be independent, right? But still one's supposed to have a family and kids and a husband, right? So two full-time jobs. That's why a lot of women struggle. You cannot have two full-time jobs and be happy very long. You're gonna burn out, you're gonna feel miserable. I can tell you stories about clients calling me. I have everything, I'm miserable. You have two full-time jobs, it's unsustainable. So everything suffers the job and the family, right? So, but in the world of uh even women, women who don't or who aspire to be competitive, right? I see this all the time. I'm in LA, right? It's like we're a power couple, we're gonna make a ton of money, we're both smart, we're gonna come together, make some business, make some money, we'll have the big house and the cars. And they do, except they don't last past 10 years. Because what happened is there's no more polarity in the relationship of masculine and feminine, right? Like support, support, lead and support, lead and support, like that kind of back and forth to support each other, right? It becomes man on man in the in in a uh in a business uh relationship, right? Both that becomes 50-50, right? Right, but you neutralize sensual sexual energy. So these couples are amazing, they have everything, and within 10 years maximum, right, they end up having affairs because they're not sleeping with each other, they're two buddies, right? So it destroys the marriage, it destroys a family dynamic, it destroys what nature calls for masculine, feminine, positive, negative magnets, right? Up and down, everything in nature that flourished, that extends, that multiplies, is polarized. So when we neutralize men and women, and like we're kind of it goes flat and there's no polarity, and you know, we end up not sleeping together, we're buddies, we're roommates, and people don't understand why. Like we're we're we're boss babes, right? We're like we're a power couple. And again, the story, I'm just not again, it's not even my opinion, it's the data and the research, right? The data is this. These people don't make it. We have to like be polarized, and ideally, if you're gonna work both gonna work, have two different businesses. Two different businesses can work because you get away from each other, and you can be masculine in both, but you have to come back together with a polarity. So for the for the woman, the challenge is to you can be boss babe, right? But what kind of rituals do you know to do you put yourself through in the car to come out of the car as a lady, a woman, as opposed to staying your masculine? Because that's usually what happens when we get stuck. I could do this all day long. So that's one piece. That's one big piece of why, excuse me, um, highly educated, very smart people uh collide in the relationship. They they just collapse.

SPEAKER_04 18:10

And so when you say have separate businesses, and I completely agree with you, it's also healthy to have a little bit of that distance so you're not in your face all the time, right?

SPEAKER_03 18:18

That's it.

SPEAKER_04 18:19

Um, but when you say a lady gets off the car, forgets the masculine side of you know, running a business, being successful, being a leader, all of that. What do you mean when you say get off and turn on the feminine? Like, what does that look like? Because a lot of women I've spoken to go through therapies, and the therapist, first thing the therapist said is turn on your feminine side. And what does that mean? What does that mean?

SPEAKER_01 18:50

Well, simply put, right, to be masculine is to push, to lead, to compete, to fight, to conquer, to lean in, to lead in, to lean in, right? It's a competition, right? And the feminine, uh, the feminine energy is opposite. The feminine energy is to be in the flow, to let go of control, to be vulnerable, to be open, to be warm, to be joyful, to be radiant. That's just the magnet for us, right? Give me a masculine woman, I don't care. Put my put me a feminine woman around me or any one of us, right? We want to protect it instantly. We take care of it. Are you okay? You're hot, you're cold, you need some water, I'm going to this like you know what I mean? It's instinct, right? All right, so I'll tell you an example of actual clients, right? Um, Candace in Delaware uh was working and realized uh work with through her and masculine, and she was learning with me to become more feminine. But every time she went to work, oh and she's like, I hate going to work, like it just takes too much energy, it kills me. I can't be lovely, I can't be, I just compare. Ugh, I hate it. And I said, Well, you'd have to find a way to you know switch because you have to be one to produce, you have to be another one to to connect back to your your body, right? So she figured it out. So she would do this. She would get a new car after working on the hating it, right? And it's getting tired, she would get a new car, she would turn on the radio, right? To some, I think some whatever she station should, I think it was RB, right? She listened to RB music and start singing. So now her voice is projecting, she's hearing the music, right? Right, two of her senses are connected. She would then she has some rose, rose oil in her car, and she would take out the little rose oil in the car. The car's running, she has not gone anywhere yet. Just rose. Activate the nose. She has the ears activated, the voice activated, now the nose activated, her senses come to life. Put the bottle back, and then she had a sable brush, I think it's called it's a brush you used to like softly wash your face. So it was dry, it's like made out of fur, and she would rub the brush on her skin, and she goes, I would I would rub it to I would actually go connect it to her body into her feminine, not fighting, no competing, right?

SPEAKER_04 21:06

Just so basically coming from here to the heart.

SPEAKER_01 21:10

There you go. To be masculine is to be in your head, to be feminine is to be in your body and your heart. And then she then she said Ned she would drive to the store or whatever she had to do, and when she got out of the car, there was a woman walking out of the car. She got into the car masculine, she got out of the car feminine.

SPEAKER_03 21:24

So that's what it looks like, right?

SPEAKER_01 21:27

But it's a ritual, you have to do it. If you don't do it, you get stuck in your head. So other women have done stuff like get in the car, right? Put on a lipstick, oh, that'll do it. I feel pretty, right? Feeling good, but it's in your body, right? One woman, she had her grandmother's scarf in the car, and she would just take the scarf and put it on your shoulder. Connect to grandma, feel it up. All the goodies, memory that come with it, the smell, even, right? So some ladies change their purse from the work purse to the good purse, whatever that means. Right? Some would go from flats to pumps.

SPEAKER_04 21:59

Like

SPEAKER_01 22:01

A little bit makeup, they just feel fresh and pretty.

SPEAKER_04 22:03

You need to see what that means for you, right? Like what triggers whichever, yeah, but wow, that's like something so simple and easy to do every day. You just have to be intentional.

SPEAKER_01 22:15

Right. And remember, intentional and understand that when you're in your masculine energy, men don't see you, you become invisible to us. And women are lonely. How come nobody's asking me out? How come nobody's, you know, see me? I'm young, I'm pretty, I have everything, I'm no trouble. How come nobody wants to date me? Because when you're in a masculine energy, you're completely invisible to masculine men. Understand that masculine men or any men are not interested in helping, protecting men. Like we don't have that instinct, right? Provide protect cherish women. So a woman in a masculine energy is like a dude, and we it she's invisible. We have no instinct to protect men, right? That's his job to handle it. So if you show up like a man, we don't care. And it's not intentional, it's not crappy. It's literally just your energy is masculine. And you'll know that you're masculine, also, women say that's all the time at work. Like the guys tell terrible jokes in front of me. I'm like, well, yeah, as far as you're concerned, you're a guy. Yeah, but I'm a girl. Yeah, no, but you don't vibrate like a girl, right? Like, and they will literally forget there's a girl present. Energy, it's all energy. So there you go. Another piece.

SPEAKER_04 23:30

Thank you. And that's um actually very revealing because even just that process and that ritual that you explained is such a simple way of getting away from your head into your heart, and then things just start flowing, right? So you don't have to use your cognitive or intellectual abilities once you have that, which is another mistake women do, right? Including myself, where I'm like, I tried this, but he it's still not working, and I've tried that, so I'm gonna try this, and I'm gonna there's so much effort that goes into it, which again is intellectual but not heartless.

SPEAKER_01 24:07

Right. My sister, I'm a girl, I'm pretty, I wear beautiful clothes. I'm a girl. I know you're not. You look like a girl. She can she thinks her clothes and her makeup will do it, but her energy is so irritating, masculine, irritating in your face. Like, I'm not like just leaning in, you know, like what I'm always going to stop, just get stop. Like, right.

SPEAKER_00 24:28

I'm not asking.

SPEAKER_01 24:30

She's always pushing, and she thinks that makes her cool, it makes her very irritating. And she's like, How come nobody likes me? I'm like, because you're irritating. You need to like you know, slow it down, right? Just be a girl. Like, but again, to her, like she's trying to, even when I say this, she's trying to logically like, well, I look like a girl, I put the dress like a girl, right? That's not it. It's energy. That means you have to make yourself feel better, whatever it is for you, daily, multiple times a day, to recalibrate here and understand, like like the lady at the young girl I told you in Delaware, when she realized how much it was costing her to constantly go back to work and be in a masculine, she hated it. And her essence wanted to be feminine, she wanted to stay feminine, she wanted to be a magnet in the world. And sure enough, right? What happened is now she's married with two kids, by the way. Congratulations, right? She did the work and I understood, uh, understood how the dance works, right? And she said what was crazy as if she went from being invisible, beautiful young girl, by the way, beautiful, right? Invisible in the world, masculine, not her fault. She was also guarded, she had a rough life, right? So this all part of it. There's all these all kinds of reasons why this happened. But when she became unguarded and feminine, she became radiant and magnet for everyone around her, right? Because when you have feminine energy, you magnetize a man towards you, men will smile and say good morning, women will be nicer to you, dogs come sniffing, children smile, like it's a same woman, different energy, different life, a whole different world.

SPEAKER_04 26:02

Yes. And I can I can so relate to this, Henrique, because I think for me as well, it was probably four or five years ago when I actually started my journey with therapy because I had I was shut down emotionally, um, very successful on paper. Relationship existed. Like I love my husband, we had a strong foundation, but we were not connecting. And that's when I was like, there's something that I need to work on. And I remember the therapist telling me, you don't have your feminine side turned on. I was like, what do you mean?

SPEAKER_01 26:42

I'm a girl. What else do you want?

SPEAKER_04 26:44

What else do we need to do? And so I can completely relate to it now, five, six years after, what that really means and what a difference it's made uh in our life, still very successful on paper, but thriving relationship, right? And so um I want to kind of shift gear a little bit now, Andre. Sorry, I want I want you to finish your thought.

SPEAKER_01 27:09

No worries, no worries. No, I was just saying, like it sounds it's gonna sound very sexist, but I had a 22-year-old young girl at my gym, right? All the girls at my gym are masculine, right? And they don't understand why nobody's paying attention to them because they're trying too hard, they're masculine, they curse, right? They look they're beautiful, but you know, energetically, not at all. And so last week, this young 22-year-old came in, light up the room. She just lit up the room, just walk it in, right? And I'm like, I'm like, because we don't see this anymore, honestly, right? So I went right up to her, started talking, and she's I'm like, so mom and dad's uh together, right? She goes, Yeah, I go, I can tell, right? She was that sort of good role modeling. She knew how to be feminine, she was feminine by by essence, right? Like just she just had it, right? So I was curious, like, what's her story? And at one point, I says, you know, she's starting to study into real estate. I'm like, hmm, that's a little bit rough on a girl. That's a little because you have to go through an art, like uh law law degree first. That's that's gonna throw into your masculine. I said, I don't want this loveliness that is your energy to go away because you may practice yourself out of. She goes, you know what? Thank you for that. But she goes, I know how to be in my lane. And it's a it's a line that I use all the time, right? You can have you you cannot be in both lanes, you cannot be in the you know, family lane and business lane at the same time. You have to pick one. And women who actually have everything do in certain order. So for her, she was still gonna you know, she was still gonna be educated and do all she wants to do, but she understands her feminine essence is primary, you know, for her own sake, energetically, and she's I know my lane, I could do this, but I know my lane. And of course, sure enough, she has a boyfriend for five years. I mean, I like I of course, like this woman would not be left alone for a second. So interesting, right? Yeah, interesting. Be this like know your lanes, you cannot be in both lanes, ladies. That's what usually collapses.

SPEAKER_04 29:07

And even if the world is forcing us, uh I wouldn't say force, I think I love that women have found financial independence through career and through having successful, you know, titles and businesses, which is great because now you're not being taken advantage of, you're not being put down, you're being respected, like all of the good stuff that comes with it. But I think we shouldn't forget that feminine essence and how to turn it on when you have to, right?

SPEAKER_01 29:40

Well, you know, it's funny you say that because the idea of becoming masculine, so you're not take you don't you're not taken advantage of and you're not put down that's not what we do with feminine women. Right? That's a construct in a culture that you have to be that, otherwise you're vulnerable. But understand that vulnerability is the only way that we attach to you. Right? Control is masculine, vulnerability is feminine. If a man is a man, a masculine man is gonna control everything in his life, that's he's gonna succeed, he's gonna plan, he's gonna apply, he's gonna push, he's gonna give B, right? That's a man who's controlling everything in his life to survive, to succeed. Those are the guys who want wives and children. They want to build a kingdom and they want to leave a legacy, children. Right? So there's there's a there's a natural, like so these guys, me, my friends, they don't abuse women, we don't put them down. We don't try to keep them in, you know, like powerless. We protect, provide, protect, cherish, give, support, lead, and pay. I mean, that's what we do. No manipulation needed, right? So, but the culture has this concept that men are dangerous, you can't trust them, they're toxic. Protect yourself, get yourself independent, and then maybe look for a good guy. But by the time that happens, you're 30 plus, the guys that you passed on already married, right? And the guys were the guys who want family and children, right, want younger women for fertility's sake.

SPEAKER_00 31:10

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 31:11

So there's a problem in the way we have it set up out there, and all I'm doing here is sounding the alarm, ladies. If you want it all, there's a way to have it all. But if you follow the culture, you may end up like some of my clients on the other side of 40, single, no children, and alone. It's not cute.

SPEAKER_04 31:29

And it wouldn't just be the women then, Andre, because it would also be then the men, because the women have gotten to that point of wanting to have the protective shield up, want to be independent, want to be um have a safety net. All of that is because of the men they have experienced in their life.

SPEAKER_01 31:48

Well, and again, that comes from trauma, that comes from childhood. It's usually no daddy, bad daddy, right? So women learn to man up because there's just a survival, there's a mechanism.

SPEAKER_04 31:57

Right.

SPEAKER_01 31:58

But consider there's uh when you and that protected energy, the masculine men that you want don't show up. You only attract the boys, I call them the men who are feminine who want you to work. Go, girl, boss, babe, I'm so proud of you. When he's you know sleeping, he's sitting on the couch, spooning the dog, writing his music, and smoking a joint. When you're in your feminine energy, you attract feminine men, and then you ladies think that's men. Hell no, that's not man. That's the opposite of you, that's polarity at its best. That's nature, you know, kind of hitting you in the face. But if you're here and you don't even know it, or you're so afraid to be vulnerable that you gotta control everything like a man, you'll attract a little sweet boy who, like, you know, will move into your house, you know, within a few months because his landlord's a douche and he's driving a car because he can't afford to fix his and you loan him money that he says he's gonna pay back. He never does, right? This is exactly so. He's the feminine, she's the masculine, and if that never works out. That never works out, that never works out. So again, what works better? Okay, back to nature. Okay, so how do we do this? That's the magic. How do you get to be productive, right? And be able to be still in your feminine, right? There's a cocktail of this, it's a balance, there's a practice. But I will tell you, if you're if you if you want to be a CEO and work 50 hours a week, energetically you have no space to get your feminine back in. And that's the problem for most ladies. The more boss babe you are, the less you're able to show up in that masculine warmth energy because you're tired, you're exhausted, you're weren't overwhelmed, right? You don't want to date because just to get ready for a date to go on a date, you're tired, you want to go to bed. On the weekend, it's about chores and the house, right? So women kind of literally unravel in living like men, but wanting to be women, but there's no space for that. And like I said, midlife, you know, 30 plus, that's when they go, hmm, you know what? Money doesn't make me happy. Right. I'm kind of tired of being lone. I'm I want somebody to help, I want companionship, right? I I don't want to I don't want to carry the entire load all I'm tired, baby. Right, but sometimes it's too late, right?

SPEAKER_04 34:07

And so what would you say to you know the listeners um who are listening to this conversation? Because you've definitely challenged my thinking. And yes, you're right, it comes from a place of trauma when women, and it's not just individual trauma, right? Like I come from Indian origin. You've seen women being killed because men didn't get money through dowry and through you know, certainly ancestral trauma. Exactly. And so we're so deep in sort of clearing a lot of that. There is a correction happening, and I can feel it. I I sense the conversations around. But what would you say for someone who's so deep in that belief that women need to be independent and take care of ourselves who are in their 20s, how do we change their mindset? What is the first thing to do to embrace feminine?

SPEAKER_01 35:05

Well, the first thing, every one of my clients, the first thing I do is release their trauma from childhood. We're all traumatized one way or the other, some are more than others, but we all have beliefs about ourselves, starting at five years old, when you kind of come online and realize if you were not loved right, I want to say, in a family that was whatever, right? You we turn on ourselves, we take that personally. If you're not loved right and cherished and taken care of and protected, we think there's something wrong with us. Yes. So now we we make a belief, right, that I'm not good enough, I'm not lovable, right? I'm always gonna be alone, I have to protect myself, right? I have to fight, no one cares, right? So that's the moment you believe that at five, by seven years old, you've proven it so much that now it's who you are. And you spend the rest of your life proving that point. So if you feel as a woman you're not lovable because you didn't have a daddy, right, or you was toxic or drunk or whatever, right? You believe that men aren't safe, the men are dangerous, you protect yourself, right? You're gonna find the next first guy in teenage years that you date, just like your dad, and it's gonna repeat the story, and you're gonna go see, you can't trust them, see the dangerous, see the toxic, and the next guy does the same thing, different body, different temperament. At the end, see proving your point, and that's what the human brain does. That's tragic. So we can't, women who are stuck in the masculine, there's always a circumstances in childhood. We have to clean that up for you to be free of that false belief because it's not true, it's just something that you believe for the circumstance. It's not true, but because you believe it, you you prove it constantly, and that's when you find yourself in the loop. So my clients come at me when they realize they're stuck in a loop and they go, you know what? The only common dominate denominator is me. So it's me, right? I go, Yeah, it's you, it's not them, it's you, right? Because that's that's we're tracking what we know, not what we want. You repeat what we know, we repeat what we know. We really think we're making choices, but you'll find yourself, and this is when people comment me like, okay, I need to get out of this loop because this is not the life that I want. I want this life. Trauma release, trauma release. So, like I said, neglect, abandonment, and abuse issue. We all have some. Some people are all three, plus sexual, mental, physical, verbal abuse. Right? More it's a bigger journey, it's a harder journey. But the people to succeed, they do the work. You have to take care of this in order to get yourself. I can't get anybody in a healthy relationship until we clean up the past. And that's primary, the first thing I do. Then, too, if I'm dealing with a woman, how do you get back into your feminine after 25 years of being masculine? You don't even know how. Like, you wouldn't believe how many lady women, young and old, right? When we have the first conversation, that's you just have to get back into your feminine, like you said, right? Get back into feminine energy and do it like this. I don't know what that is.

SPEAKER_03 37:59

Yeah, right?

SPEAKER_01 38:00

Because they they live in the water.

SPEAKER_04 38:01

Is it more pedicures? Is it more facial? Is it more spawn? Like, what are you talking about?

SPEAKER_01 38:06

So far behind them they can't remember. So to recalibrate, to rehabilitate them into their feminine beauty, their essence. This is it's in there, right? The girl didn't go away, she's just buried behind protection, right? So, how do you bring her back forward? It's a little bit scary because it takes vulnerability, but your essence commands it in order for you to be happy. You could deny it, but you will not be happy, right? Right, and the price to pay, I call it is too harsh. So do the work, get yourself cleaned up, learn about yourself, step into your essence as a woman. I do the same thing with men who are too feminine. I step back into the masculine essence so that they could women can trust them, feel safe with them, because nobody feels safe in a nice guy, right? Women say, I want a nice guy. No, you don't. You want a man who's a man, right? Who controls his emotion, they can take care of you. That's what you want. Nice guy, you put in a friend zone because it just makes you safe. So, I mean, so we both have to kind of re-line up with our bodies. We both have masculine and feminine, we both have masculine and feminine. It's like, but if you're tilted as a woman too much for your masculine, you're gonna suffer. You're not gonna get the life that you want. It's gonna cost you a lot of energy, a lot of you know, and loneliness in the end. And same with feminine men, they don't produce, they don't need, they don't put women don't like them, they don't get to, they don't get to build families and they suffer. So, how do we balance this thing out? Right, right. In my world, the true boss babe, are you ready? It's not a woman who we don't we don't release or let go everything you've built as a woman, right? Everything you've done is we love this fantastic, but you're tilted. This part is missing, it's not been practiced, it's been kind of pushed back because this takes a lot of energy, right? So learning to do this, to recalibrate this, typically does this. And to me, a true boss is a woman who knows how to be productive and masculine when necessary, and show up in the world and you're feminine, and now you have access to all the men who are masculine and looking for that feminine warmth. Again, the ritual in the car, whatever, right? Find some ways to get back in your bodies when you step out in the world after work, on the weekend, at the car wash, at the grocery store, right? And watch the environment change completely.

SPEAKER_04 40:20

And it's so accessible, it's just a practice, it's just being intentional every day. That's it.

SPEAKER_00 40:26

I say this all day long. It's not that hard, it's really simple. And actually, all my ladies will say, Oh my god, it's so easy.

SPEAKER_01 40:32

I get it, I get it. Like, I just nobody ever taught us. I mean, I know, I'm sorry, it's a culture.

SPEAKER_04 40:36

Yeah, it's a good idea.

SPEAKER_01 40:37

But welcome to the show, welcome to your life, the way you want to build it.

SPEAKER_04 40:41

Andre, if it if you could leave our listeners with one truth about love that most people overlook, what would it be?

SPEAKER_01 40:50

Well, for the men, women are not crazy, they're emotional beings, right? And it's really good reasons for that. It's how they survive. There's a whole mechanism in place that women don't necessarily understand, they just react to, right? Same with us, right? So, ladies, we've we experience the as constantly disrespectful, but you don't know you're doing it because what disrespect us doesn't respect you. So, we again it's not knowing that actually kills us. Right? So, understanding our differences, understanding our driving force, because again, uh when I explain it to people, right, the a woman's core needs and a man's core needs instinctually, right? That it that because we we don't have words for this, we just react, we respond, right? Like we don't know what you're emotional and we're logical, and you think we're cold and we think you're crazy, like that kind of right. So when you kind of decode why men are built this way and the survival instinct in place, why that's beautiful. Get this when a woman understands, I call it the onus manual, after only's manual, after the onus manual, ladies for men. When you actually get to understand the onus manual, about 50% of everything you've taken personally goes away. It goes away. That's a different life with man, and only the man in your in your house, your father, your brothers, the men you work with, like it's a different life. Instead of like what's wrong with them, and they're so cold, understand why they're wired this way, it's all based in instinct and survival. The same way that yours is always based on instinct and survival, right? But you live through your body and all your senses, so everything you see, smell, taste, touch, feel makes you feel good and bad throughout the day, up and down, up and down, like the weather on the East Coast. I mean, California, we don't have that, we have this, right? But like a woman's mood will swing up and down throughout the day with things that are happening to her, even in weather, I think. Yes, absolutely. So a woman's mood will change many times throughout the day per the things that are happening around her, right? For us, the environment doesn't affect us that way. We're logical, right? Like, I don't care what's happening around me. I'm making a plan for me to get us there, right? So again, we're we're internally motivated, that's why we seem disconnected and coal, right? We we turned in for the plans of the day, the week, the month, the year, our lives, right? I'm planning, so I'm in my head, not emotional, in my head. You're all about your feelings and emotions because all your senses and heightened as a woman, that's how you survive. Yes, that's how we survive, that's how you survive, but they're two different beasts. So we people we make each other wrong for that. And I say, no, learn to make each other right for this, right? My strength is completely different than my wife's strength. But put us together, oh, and a mother, right? That's the union, that's the marriage, right? That's the legacy that we can leave behind, right? Healthy children. But I'm not like her, she's not like me. We're not trying to make each other the same, right? That's what doesn't work. So it's embracing our differences, and there's a lot of communication tools needed here because we'll also speak and listen differently. Ugh.

SPEAKER_04 44:00

So thank you. That was that was um a lot of good wisdom that you shared here today, Andre. I know you have gifts for the listeners.

SPEAKER_01 44:10

I do.

SPEAKER_04 44:10

So I'll let you share it.

SPEAKER_01 44:12

Yes. So I do a lot of podcasts. I think you know this. I do two or three a week. And the reason why is because I'm trying to spread the hope. It's doable. I'm doing it. My clients are doing it, right? Understanding how what works best, I want to say, right? It's not going back to the 50s. I'm never going to say that. It's not, that's not what I'm talking about. But it's in a way, there's a more traditional way to make modern life work. And it's so it's it's my clients are doing it, right? So I notice when I do podcasts, again, spreading the hope. There is hope. It's doable, I promise, right? You just have to learn how. Uh, I notice there's two types of listeners. So I have two different gifts. Depending on, so we'll let the audience qualify themselves. But if you're a if you're in a new information seeker person, you're just getting online with this. What's that masculine-feminine thing? And what the hell does that mean? And how like if you start to question and poke, right? Your information seeker, I'm gonna send you directly to my email. So my email is Andre Coaching, C-O-A-C-H-I-N G, the number one at Gmail, Andre coaching one at Gmail, in a subject box, just write irresistible book, and I will send you a copy of my book. It's called The Five Feminine Qualities High Value Men Find Absolutely Irresistible. This is my work with men. This is men speaking, ladies. It's 30 pages, it's a workbook. You get to fill it out. I sell it, I sell it on my website. I'll send it to you, just ask for it. Right? You download it, you'll play with it. Uh, it's excellent. And ladies, it's like it'll it'll blow your mind because when you think men value, right, is what's in a culture, right? Your body, your hair, your sensuality, sexuality. It's your energy. It's the five types of energy you bring forth. So information seekers, under coaching one, irresistible book. And I would say also ask me a question about if you heard the podcast, like ask me a question, challenge me. I I can back everything up. Yeah, I can back everything up. So let me help you if you want. The other type listeners are action people, like something resonated. Huh? Wait, I think he knows something. Wait, oh, you know, and and sometimes I'll describe the man that they've been dating, and then they realize, uh-oh, uh-oh. Anyway, so if you're more an action taker, it takes a little courage, but not really. This is who I am. I show up like this, this is I talk, this is how I am. Like, right? Andre Coaching One at Gmail, and right in the subject box, talk now. I will email you my calendar link. You book yourself a call with me, an hour plus, like, and we do it like you and I are doing side by side, and understanding in 15 minutes, we'll go back to source, to childhood, to where the wheels came off, why you're stuck in that energy that doesn't work any longer.

SPEAKER_03 46:53

Right.

SPEAKER_01 46:54

15 minutes, right? And then that call alone is liberating. And then we'll talk about if we know what happened, we can clean it and give you the life that you want. And then if you want to know, jump in, there's different ways to jump in. And again, no pressure, it's a gift.

SPEAKER_04 47:10

Thank you, Andre. I really appreciate that. And I'm gonna put it in the show notes as well, so people have easy access to it. And for those of you who um, like you said, felt like hmm, he does know something. I can tell you there's so much more I might bring in for a part two. But to everyone listening, healthy love is not accidental. It is learned, it is practice, it is refined, and just like every other pillar in Life Vision Lab, relationships require intention. If today's episode resonated with you, share it with someone you love. And if you are ready to do deeper work around clarity, alignment, and building an intentional life, come join us inside the shift lab. Reach out to Andre, but do something because we are not here to play small, we are here to build lives that feel aligned from inside out. Andre, thank you for being here, and to all of you listening, keep building your vision, one aligned relationship at a time. Thank you.