Wisdom in Words

When life gets heavy, what are you saying to yourself? In this sermon from Psalm 42, we explore the constant inner conversation every person is having and the gospel we preach to ourselves every day. Too often, we rehearse messages of fear, shame, loneliness, and discouragement. But Psalm 42 shows us a better way: to speak truth to our own souls, remember God’s steadfast love, and call our hearts to hope in Him. This message is a reminder that no one talks to you more than you do, so what you say to yourself matters. Learn how to stop preaching despair to your heart and start preaching the true gospel of God’s presence, power, and faithfulness.

Transcript

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There exists for everyone a sentence, a series of words that has the power to destroy you. Another sentence exists, another series of words that could heal you. If you're lucky, you will get the second, but you can be certain of getting first. But the human song is a beast that few can master. It strains constantly to break out of its cage. And if it is not tamed, it will turn wild and cause you grief. Found a lot of truth in those two quotes as we were getting everything together today to talk about wisdom in words. I think one of the ways that we need to grow in our lives is the way we use our tongues, the way we speak. And as we go through this quarter and leaning on wisdom and how we can grow in wisdom, I think one of the things we all could benefit from is just taking some time to examine what we are saying and how we are using our words on an everyday basis. Because I think there's so much wisdom in the words we choose. There's so much wisdom in how we should speak. I think the Bible established the truth of words. Words are not neutral, they shape people, they steer outcomes, and we'll see that as we work our way through the text this morning, as we visit three different passages and the truth that they bring us, the wisdom that they bring us, and how we use our words, because our words either build or they burn. And I think that's why today's big idea matters so much, and it's this one of the clearest signs of wisdom is how you talk. So not just the words that come out of your mouth, but the context that's built around it, the way you use your words. And I think you can tell a lot about a person by the way they speak. If you want to know a person's spiritual maturity, you don't have to ask for a resume. You simply listen to them speak, especially when they're tired, when they're frustrated, when they're corrected, or when they're disagreed with. And I tried to cover up my words, but the more I said, the more in the hole I got. And I still remember how I felt in that moment for choosing to say something that was offensive to those around me. Have you ever been there before? Have you ever had one of those moments that you still look back on and you say, I probably shouldn't have said that, or I absolutely shouldn't have said that in that moment. Now, it may be true, but how you deliver it, the timing makes a difference. Think about that as we enter into our text this morning. Scripture doesn't only grade what you say, scripture weighs how you say it, the tone that it's presented. When you say it, that's the timing, and also why you say it, the motive behind your words. And I think all of that is covered in God's word. It's all pointed out of how we should talk in everything we do. So here's the tension: you can be biblically correct and still be relationally destructive. Did you hear that? Just because what you say is rooted in God's word, oftentimes how we present it, the timing, and the motive can cause harm. So here's the question: What does wise speech sound like in real time and in real life? Because there's certainly times when we should speak God's word in all that it says and the weight behind it. It's all important. But you know the old saying, people don't care what you know until they know that you care. You've heard that one before. So we gotta be careful of how we use our speech. We gotta recognize the impact that we're making on those around us. Because our speech can either turn someone away or they can draw someone in. Got to be careful of which one we choose. So let's walk through the text this morning. We're gonna look at Proverbs 15.1, we're gonna look at Proverbs 18.21, and then we're gonna look at James 3, verses 10 through, excuse me, verses 2 through 10, and we're gonna let God's word disciple our mouths this morning. So the first point on your outline is wisdom shows up in tone. If you're using that and want to fill in the blank, our wisdom shows up in tone. In Proverbs 15, 1, it says, a soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Been there before? Maybe you've been on the receiving end of a harsh word and got a little angry? Maybe you've been on the other side of that and fired somebody up because of what you've said. But has a soft answer turn or turned away wrath for you? Maybe you were allowed to use some words in a powerful way that helped ease a situation, that brought you closer to a brother and sister, brother or sister in that moment. Right here, soft doesn't mean weak. And that's one thing I want to point out. We talk about a soft answer. It doesn't just mean a weak answer. It means gentle, it means tender, it means strength that's under control. The phrase turns away pictures deflecting a blow. And harsh here means hard, severe words that scrape if we want to break that entire sentence down. But I want to focus on a soft answer. Because I think there's power behind that. Just because we answer softly doesn't mean there's no power behind it. I want you to think right here of the Wilson Dam here in the shoals. The dam doesn't remove the Tennessee River's power. In fact, if anything, it just proves how strong the river really is. If you left that river unchecked, it would flood fields, it would tear up land, it would destroy anything in its path. Pure force, but there's no wisdom behind it. But when that water is governed, when the dam is in place, when it's channeled, when it's timed and released with intention, now all of a sudden it lights our homes. It provides power for industry. That same power is put to use for good. It gives life to an entire region. Same water, same strength, which it flows, but there's a different outcome. Softness works the same way. Soft doesn't mean powerless, soft means disciplined. Soft means strength that knows when to press in and when to pause. Someone acting tenderly with a child. And you know they're being soft in that moment because they have the power behind them to do something different. When you're grabbing something and you only have to use a certain amount of force, the only way you know that there's more power behind it is if they're acting soft in that moment. A flood shows power without control, but a dam shows power under control. And I think that's the difference between weakness and wisdom. You can be correct and still be foolish. You can be biblical and still be brutal. You can be right and still set the room on fire. Because often our tone speaks louder than the truth. There's a story about Abraham Lincoln during the Civil War. When he was furious in a moment, he would pause and he'd write what he called a hot letter. He'd pour it out, say everything he wanted to say, and then he would simply set that letter aside instead of sending it. Later, he would revisit it. If it still needed to be addressed, he would do it with a measured tone. And it turned out that simple practice probably saved a lot of relationships, a lot of reputations, and maybe even lives along the way. Proverbs 15:1 gives us a stamp and an unsent envelope, and it finds wisdom in that moment. In fact, if you want to put this into practice in your own life, one way that I've found useful is if you have an iPhone, there's a little notes app in there. Get fired up about something, go in there, open up a note, and write everything you want to say, and then leave it. Then come back to it a day or so later and reread what it was you were gonna say to that person that made you mad. You'd be surprised at how often some of those feelings have calmed down a bit. And you look back at some of those things that you wrote out and realize just how harsh they were, and I probably don't need to go there in that moment. That's one way we can put this wisdom into practice in our lives. It's not an iPhone app, maybe it's a just a simple sheet of paper. Predecide your defaults in conflict. Lower your volume before you raise your point. Try a soft opener. Something like, help me understand, or can I share with you what I heard? And here's the final truth from this section. Your tone can end a fight before it starts. Did you hear that? Have you lived in that? My guess is we've probably all been there. Number two, wisdom knows when to speak. Right words at the wrong time can still do damage. James says, a small spark can ignite a forest. Timing is tender. I think the wisdom literature pairs truth with discernment. Even Jesus models purposeful silence when he is under accusation in Matthew 27, verses 12 through 14. And I think sometimes restraint is the holiest move in the room. So before you talk, run these three timing checks. Is this the right moment? Is this the right medium? In other words, is this conversation a face-to-face conversation? Is this a phone call, or maybe I can get this done via text? And oftentimes we have to put that text on hold because it's something we need to go talk about in person. So is this the right medium? And then finally, is this the right motive? Is this about their good? Or is this about my pressure release? Am I just trying to make myself feel better? Am I just mad? Or am I really trying to help someone with the things that I'm saying? If any of those are a no, if any of your answers to those questions are no, wait. Because a wise word at the wrong time becomes a foolish word. Timing matters. Fred Rogers, you know, Mr. Rogers, he and his team developed a careful set of guidelines whenever they were writing out the show. They nicknamed this language, so to speak, Freddish. And it was to shape how they spoke to children. No shaming, clear wording, age-appropriate timing. They believed that phrasing and timing could either calm or confuse a child. And I think that's what James 3 is telling us in a cardigan. Go change your sweater and let's have a conversation. Small words, big outcomes. How we speak when we speak matters. And wisdom edits for timing, not just content. You may have a lot of very important things to say, but if you say them at the wrong time, it's not going to make any kind of difference. And this isn't just in kitchens or conference rooms. This is also about comment sections and social media. And this next part I'm going to read for you because I think these words are important. And maybe we aren't on the same page on all this, but I want to share something with you. Because I think one of the places we need the most wisdom today is online. I've seen a lot of posts that say, you can't be a Christian and believe this. And most of the time it's tied to politics, whether it's a party, a candidate, or even a policy. Now, don't get me wrong, there are certainly moral truths that line up very clearly with scripture. Things like God's design for life and God's design for marriage. Those things aren't up for debate, but there are also many issues the Bible doesn't speak to directly or doesn't speak to the way we sometimes claim it does. And when we declare someone outside of Christ over a political position, we're often speaking beyond what God has said, and that's not wisdom. I think those moments are when our words don't just represent our opinions. We need to recognize that as Christians, our words represent Jesus in this world. And again, I've seen it on every side, on all kinds of issues. People coming out and saying, if you don't agree with me, you can't be a Christian. Hold up. I missed that in the Bible. Our words don't just represent our opinions, they represent Jesus in this world. And careless inflammatory language may feel bold, but it rarely reflects Christ. So before we post, maybe go through those same three checks moment, medium, and motive. I think there's wisdom in that. Wisdom avoids sarcastic speech. Small words can steer big outcomes. We see that in James 3, verses 2 through 5. For we all stumble in many ways, and if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bride his bridle his whole body. If we put bits into the mouths of horses so that they obey us, we guide their whole bodies as well. Look at the ships also, though they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are guided by a very small rudder. Wherever the will of the pilot directs. So also, the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. There is great power behind your tongue and the words that you choose. So here, James gives us a bit in a horse's mouth. He gives us a rudder on a ship, a small spark. These are tiny tools with massive direction. Sarcasm often cloaks irritation as intelligence. It scores laughs while eroding trust. It sounds clever, but it leaves scars along the way. Here's a good baseline. If your joke requires the other person to pretend it didn't hurt, it wasn't a joke. It was simply a jab. So trade that jab for curiosity. Maybe something like, was that frustrating you? Or can I say that differently? Our words have big impact. Clever words that cut are not wise, they're just sharp. And that's not helping anyone. Number four, wisdom refuses to argue just to win. You can win the moment and lose the heart. Proverbs 8, verse 21 tells us. And then James 3, 6 through 8 calls the tongue a fire. A world of unrighteousness set on fire by hell. And then Proverbs 8, 21 reminds us death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits. Winning the debate is not the same as bringing life. Some folks don't want peace, they want victory. They want the last word. They want that clap back. They want the screenshot. They want the story later about how they shut that person down. But wisdom asks us Am I protecting truth or am I just protecting my ego? The way we talk about this. Say this out loud if you need to. Let me slow down. I want to understand, not just win. Then maybe ask a clarifying question. If the conversation is too hot, hit the pause button. Schedule a wiser moment. How often are those things that you're thinking of, of the moment I wish I could take back what I said? Was it a moment when you were just so furious you couldn't control your tongue? Maybe the wise thing to do is step back, step away, and come back when you've calmed down a bit. Faithfulness beats victory every time. So pursue peace and clarity more than just having the right word. Number five, wisdom rejects gossip. The same mouth shouldn't bl bless God and harm people at the same time. 3, 9, and 10. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so. You see it? Gossip often wears religious clothing. Sometimes we say something like, Oh, I'm just concerned. That's the reason I'm talking about it. Or we may say something like, you need to pray for so and so. Or I'm not judging, but I think wisdom recognizes the lie in those statements. General baseline, you wouldn't say it to them, probably shouldn't be saying it. House rule for your home, for your workplace, whatever it may be. If they're not in the room and not part of the solution, we don't discuss them. Maybe we trade gossip for intercession or go directly to that person. See Matthew 18, 15, if you want a little more wisdom there. Maybe let's not talk about them, let's talk to them and work through some of these issues. So again, the big idea if you wouldn't say it to them, don't say it about them. That's just wisdom. So let's get practical. We're gonna end this lesson with a little practical advice to break it down. And it comes in the form of pace. Pace before your tense talks. That stands for pause. Maybe give it three breaths. Maybe that's a good way to pause. Ask God for a gentle tone. That's the A. Talk to Him, go to God. C, choose life-giving words. You have a choice in the way you handle a conversation. Choose words that give life, not tear someone down. And then the E, end with empathy. Something like, did I get that right? Identify your most likely friction moment. This is the second way we can put this into practice. What is that moment for you when you find that your language gets out of control? When your words, maybe it's your bedtime routine, and you're just over it for the day. Maybe it's your commute and those words that slip out. Maybe it's a coworker. Maybe it's that one person that just rubs you the wrong way. Maybe it's online. Whenever you read all those posts and you want to go and respond and attack. Maybe identify your most likely friction moment and then intentionally give one soft answer a day. Write down the difference that you notice. Approach it that way. And then another practical way we can take on this no-gossip covenant. Maybe tell your household or your workplace, this week we don't process people behind their backs. And then we invite everyone to hold each other accountable. Let's recap. Wisdom shows up in tone. A soft answer calms, harsh words escalate. Proverbs 15:1. Wisdom knows when to speak. Right words at the wrong time can still do damage. Wisdom avoids sarcastic speech. Small words can steer big outcomes in James 3. Wisdom refuses to argue just to win. You can win the moment and lose the heart. Proverbs 18, 21. Wisdom rejects gossip. The same mouth shouldn't bless God and harm people. James 3. In conclusion this morning, wise hearts produce life-giving words. They're on the left side of the head. Wise hearts produce life-giving words. I want you to think about your speech. Think about the words you're choosing, the timing of it, and why you're using the words that you're using. Bring it before God. Let's choose wise words as we approach them. Jesus says in Luke 6.45, out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. You want to know what the answer is to improving your speech? Go to Jesus. Fall deeper in love with him, and you'll notice how your words begin to change. The more you lean into that covenant, the more you lean into obedience to him, the more your speech will begin to change. Fall in love with Jesus, and it seems everything falls into place. So this isn't just a mouth problem, it's a heart problem. We don't merely need better phrases, we just need new hearts. Here's the good news: Jesus never sinned with his mouth. He spoke truth. But he did so with tenderness, authority, with humility. He offered silence with purpose. And then he died for every word we weaponized. He died for every rumor we spread. He died for every sarcastic cut that we delivered. Then he rose, give us new life, give us a new way of speaking. And that comes when we allow him to intercede on our behalf. It comes when we go to him as our Lord and Savior. We submit to his word. And then we enter into that death, burial, and resurrection in that watery grave of baptism. You've never made that choice. We want you to do that today. Give your life to Jesus. Allow change to take place. Because we must recognize that we can't do it on our own. Perhaps you made that choice, but you've fallen away. Maybe it's your words this morning that you're just looking at and saying, Man, I really need change. Maybe it's time to make a declaration this morning. I'm going to give my words to God. And I want to come before the congregation and ask for your help, ask for your direction and ask for your prayers. You need to make that rededication this morning. We invite you to do so. If you need to be baptized for remission of your sins, please come. If we can help you in any way this morning, we invite you to come as together we stand and sing.