EP 28 - Straight Up. 🍸 Extra Dirty: Red, White & Extra Dirty

America is officially 250 years old, so naturally we celebrated the only way we know how—with burgers, cocktails, fireworks stories, and absolutely unfiltered conversation.

This episode tackles everything from barbecue etiquette and hot dog debates to presidential drinking buddies, childhood Fourth of July memories, football versus baseball, and what it truly means to celebrate America today.

It's patriotic, hilarious, a little chaotic, and exactly what you'd expect from Straight Up. Extra Dirty.

Grab a drink and join the party. 🇺🇸🍔🥃

🎙️ Straight Up. Extra Dirty.
Hosted by L.A. Marchesi & Mikey G

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Transcript

SPEAKER_04 0:22

I haven't spoken to her now. Well, she did say she was working on a surprise for you. A surprise? A surprise.

SPEAKER_01 0:35

Woo! Yes! Well, what do you think? Am I ready for the barbecue?

SPEAKER_03 0:42

What the hell are you wearing? This is not the Dallas Cowboy cheerleader. What are you talking about? Tryouts. What do you mean? It's the 4th of July. It's our 250-year anniversary. 250-year anniversary for what? 250 years America's birthday.

SPEAKER_01 1:00

That's really but yeah, but what's the matter with this? I'm wearing the the blue, the white, and I got the red and I got the bigger.

SPEAKER_03 1:08

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 1:11

Alright. Okay, I'm not a grill master here, so this is not my thing. Like, what's going on here?

SPEAKER_04 1:18

I mean, it's America's birthday, so we gotta do the grill thing, you know? We got hamburgers, we got hot dogs. Okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:28

And a lot of smoke coming out.

SPEAKER_04 1:29

A lot of smoke coming out.

SPEAKER_01 1:31

So America is 250 years old?

SPEAKER_04 1:34

America is 250 years old. Can you believe it? We lasted.

SPEAKER_01 1:40

Yeah, well, like I I I know that now, but like now we're doing like a barbecue, like friends, family. I know this is like the big time, everybody's together. Like, so what would what would your scenario be for somebody to get banned from a bar from your barbecue?

SPEAKER_04 1:59

Besides the small family barbecues. Let's see. Well, I don't know, pretty much nothing offends me. I come from a kind of like an all-American like household, so you know, we're used to like doing keg stands and you know getting rowdy. On 4th of July. Always on the 4th of July.

SPEAKER_01 2:19

Oh my god. When I so when I was growing up, my uncle Tommy's birthday was on 4th of July. And so every so growing up, I thought it was just my uncle's birthday. I didn't realize, like, as a little kid, I didn't know what 4th of July meant other than fireworks and getting shot at by my cousins. Because I was the only female cousin at the time, you know, like I was the only like first cousin that was a girl. Everybody were boys. So then my other cousins, we all got together and they used to chase us down the block with bottle rockets and shoot M80s off. Oh my god, it was insane.

SPEAKER_04 2:54

That's how we do too.

SPEAKER_01 2:56

That was Long Island, it was crazy. So I associate Fourth of July with my Uncle Tommy's birthday.

SPEAKER_04 3:01

So now, so tell me, tell me if you could do shots with any American president, who would it be?

SPEAKER_01 3:13

You know, it could be Teddy. It could be Teddy Roosevelt. Why Teddy? I don't know. I just think it's. He sounds cuddly. No, he's just kind of like a man of wisdom. Like, I just like, but if I was gonna go modern day, I'd wanna, I'd probably wanna like have drinks with JFK. I want to hear all the dirt. I would get him so I would be like, let's have a couple of things.

SPEAKER_04 3:40

I think I'd do a lot more with JFK than drink with him.

SPEAKER_01 3:42

Well, well, who would you want to have drinks with? Do you want me to try to do that?

SPEAKER_04 3:49

I wanna say, like, I wanna say Clinton, because I'd probably ask him like all about the stain on the dress of the book.

SPEAKER_00 3:57

Well, wouldn't you want to ask Monica about that?

SPEAKER_01 4:01

Didn't he say I did not have sexual relations with that woman?

SPEAKER_04 4:05

Come on now. I'm gonna do the record off the record, like, off the record with Bill. Like you're having drinks at a barbecue with Bill, like you say, hey, like, you know, what's what's Hillary's deal with this? Why did Hillary stay so quiet? I mean, she's not the type to sit silently, so no, she's not. It's crazy that she sat silent and didn't say anything during this whole thing, so you know.

SPEAKER_01 4:30

Well, I do have a little confession to make about presidents. I I don't want to say I had a crush because he's so old, but I thought that George Bush, George W. Bush, George W.

SPEAKER_04 4:47

Bush, not not senior?

SPEAKER_01 4:49

Not senior, the president. The other president. They were both presidents. The second president, the second president. I thought that he, I I think I still think he's a very handsome man. Maybe, you know, like I just thought that he was a man of power, distinguished, from Texas. Not just not not saying that because I'm dressed like a Dallas Cowboy cheerleader, but I'm just saying, like, I don't know. I got a lot, like I would love to sit down and shoot with him. Like, I really would. I would love to sit and like, you know, do burgers and stuff with him. I don't know. What do you think?

SPEAKER_04 5:24

All right. So, what's your opinion on ketchup on a hot dog?

SPEAKER_01 5:27

That's the most disgusting thing I've ever heard in my entire life.

SPEAKER_04 5:31

I heard that like after you turn 12, that it's inappropriate.

SPEAKER_01 5:35

It wasn't even appropriate at 12, okay? It wasn't appropriate before 12. Why do you not like ketchup? I like ketchup, but it doesn't belong. It's like it it does not, it's like gravy belonging on like meatballs. It's not the same. Gravy is not I know. We're not gonna get into that. But I'm saying that hot dogs, like it's mustard. And I grew up on Long Island, so they had Nathan's hot dogs, so they had a little bit of the relish on there, so like you could only have Nathan's hot dogs. I don't like sauerkraut, but I like the ones from Nathan's though. Do you have like so? And I don't like these, these are like too thick. I like the long skinny ones.

SPEAKER_04 6:14

These are fing thin.

SPEAKER_01 6:15

I don't no, not the ones. I like the Sabrette. Remember Sabrette?

SPEAKER_04 6:19

I do like Sabret, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:20

Sabrette and and Nathan's had the best dogs.

SPEAKER_04 6:24

So these are organic ones. I don't like all that crap. What do you mean organic? You're gonna keep the yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:30

Wait, what do you mean by organic? What do you mean by organic? How do you have an organic hot dog?

SPEAKER_04 6:38

It's organic, it's not made from processed meat. Then what's in up grown people in that dog? It's just like a normal. How about your burgers? The burgers are.

SPEAKER_01 6:48

If you're getting to like the turkey burger, like I think it should be all be. Okay, are you with me on that? Okay, good. So at least we agree on that.

SPEAKER_04 6:56

Turkey burger is a different ball game, but it's not a real burger. It's just the turkey patty. It's a very different very different.

SPEAKER_03 7:04

And that should be banned from football. So, what is your favorite American pastime?

SPEAKER_01 7:09

Football, dude. Oh, and baseball is a good answer. That's a very good answer. And baseball. And baseball. I'm a Yankee fan. And baseball. I'm a Yankee fan.

SPEAKER_04 7:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:18

So, what about you?

SPEAKER_04 7:21

I would say I would have said football.

SPEAKER_01 7:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 7:23

Football is definitely the best answer. I love football. And and I guess baseball's, you're right too.

SPEAKER_01 7:29

Like growing up, it was like a whole thing with my grandfather, like literally with the So I will say the only time I would eat a hot dog, the only time you'll see me maybe twice a year eat a hot dog. And it's always it's at Yankee Stadium. Or at Yankee Stadium. Yep. I will I eat a hot dog at Yankee Stadium or MetLife Stadium where the Giants play. Even though I'm wearing a Dallas Cowboy looking outfit, just remember the Giants are also blue and white. But I will eat a hot dog at a football game and I'll be. Oh, that's the only reason why. I'm also getting smoked out. Sorry. So what's like the protocol? Like, what else do you add to like your grill? Like, what like I I'm not a grill person. I can't grill for s. I can cook up a storm, but I can everything I do I burn on a grill. So how are you making these burgers?

SPEAKER_04 8:26

I feel like when it comes to the grill, I I grill everything on it. I I do fish, I do vegetables, but not on America's birthday. On America's birthday, I like ribs, I like brisket, I like What about your side dishes? Side dishes gotta do a potato salad.

SPEAKER_01 8:46

I love potato salad.

SPEAKER_04 8:47

Wait, what kind?

SPEAKER_01 8:48

Like there's German, there's like whatever, like German. Yeah, it's like German potato salad. I don't know what that means. Oh, German's warm. It's gotta be cold. Mine's gotta be cold and crisp.

SPEAKER_04 8:58

I like a cold potato salad.

SPEAKER_01 8:59

Do you like coleslaw?

SPEAKER_04 9:00

What about fireworks?

SPEAKER_01 9:03

I'm definitely afraid of spawn. I talk when I was a kid, I was chased with bottle rockets. They used to shoot them down the street at me. My cousins were, they were, they were just mean. Like my boy, I like I grew up with a lot of boy cousins, and they would just torture me. I am deathly afraid. I like to see them in the sky far away, but I don't want to be close to a freaking firework. I just don't. Like Gruochie on Long Island, they would shoot them off in the middle of the water. That looked beautiful.

SPEAKER_04 9:32

I caught fire one time. I was actually on Deerfield Beach and I had this knitted sweater on it. It wasn't cold, but it was like uh the the knit was really wide. It was a female sweater, but it was had like a like I think the company was called Firefox or something like that. Yeah. Had all these big red uh white stars and it was red. And I was sitting on the beach and this firework went off, and it was really breezy that day. And literally, the breeze blew, and a cinder came down and landed on my sweater, and I caught fire.

SPEAKER_01 10:05

How did you get out of that?

SPEAKER_04 10:06

Everybody jumped on me. Dude, I'm afraid of- I was on the beach!

SPEAKER_01 10:11

I'm afraid of spray- you know those um sparkles? I'm afraid of sparkles. Like they scare the s of me. Birthday candles that look like they're exploding scares the sht out of me. It's like it triggers something from my childhood.

SPEAKER_04 10:23

But like if you if you saw America in 250 years, where do you think we'd be?

SPEAKER_01 10:29

Oh god, I hope we're still on the earth. That's all I could say. I don't know. America? I hope that I don't know. 250 years from now? I don't know. I don't really have an answer for that. I have no idea. Where do you think we you see us? I mean, I I mean, I know where I'd like to see us, but I don't know if we'd get there.

SPEAKER_04 10:49

I feel like the United States of America is not united. Well, right now we're a little bit not united. And you know a little? A little bit not united. But I will say this that like we are still one of the best places on the earth to best countries in the world to live. It's still a land of opportunity, it's still a land of freedom. We can still say when we don't like things. You know, and some countries they cut your tongue out for that.

SPEAKER_01 11:15

That's true. I'm I'm proud to be an American, and I've traveled outside of this country, and some some of the countries I've traveled to are not big fans of ours. And I'm like, you know what? I'm proud to be an American. I don't give a but I just feel like I I don't know. I just hope we can get to a better place.

SPEAKER_04 11:37

I think it just starts at at home, and you know, doing stuff like this, like having a barbecue, is kind of it's kind of like a a great all-American like way to connect.

SPEAKER_01 11:50

Do you think people understand that it's America's birthday? Like, or is it just a day off from work and everybody gets together and drinks beer and eats hot dogs and really big burgers and really big dogs? Like, what do you think? Really big job. I mean, uh it would be four in my book, it would be Fourth of July every weekend. By the way, I would like to be.

SPEAKER_04 12:09

I would like to pick up one of these dogs. These are not jumbo.

SPEAKER_01 12:12

That is big.

SPEAKER_04 12:12

This is an average American hot dog.

SPEAKER_01 12:15

No, that is big.

SPEAKER_04 12:16

Thank you very much.

SPEAKER_01 12:17

No, no, the long ones, the ones that snap.

SPEAKER_04 12:22

Oh, I love the ones that snap. That's like legit. Like, that's made with like the actual casing and everything.

SPEAKER_01 12:28

What about pickles? Pickles on a burger or no?

SPEAKER_04 12:31

I love pickles.

SPEAKER_01 12:33

Let me see.

SPEAKER_04 12:35

I love pickles. I actually do like pickles, but I only like a a half sour. I don't like a I'm the same way.

SPEAKER_03 12:40

I don't like a I do you like it on your burger? I don't really like it on my burger.

SPEAKER_04 12:46

Do I? Alright, we agree on something. Oh my god. I love a good like like uh I like a lot of things on my burger, but like definitely pickles is not like on the list of stuff that I would I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 13:01

So I grew up in New York, and you know, we had burgers, lettuce, tomato, onion, and ketchup, right? I would come down and visit Florida. You live in Florida, you grew up in Florida, and you guys have on yours all that, but you have mustard, mayo, and um ketchup. I cannot eat a burger anymore without those three things on it. The ketchup, the mayo, and the mustard. Honestly, I thought it was a southern thing. Is it?

SPEAKER_04 13:33

Well, I think it is. For me, like mayo and ketchup mixed gives me the vibe of like the sauce at Chick-fil-A.

SPEAKER_01 13:44

Well, Chick-fil-A wasn't Chick-fil-A back when I was a kid. Chick-fil-a's been around for a long time.

SPEAKER_04 13:49

Not that I'm old, because we're not gonna get into that again, but you're not as old as America.

SPEAKER_01 13:54

What do you normally do for what do you normally do for Fourth of July? Do you light all fireworks?

SPEAKER_04 14:00

So I do not like fireworks. Yeah. I am not a huge firework person. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 14:07

Do you put cheese on your burgers?

SPEAKER_04 14:08

I do put cheese on my burger.

SPEAKER_01 14:10

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 14:11

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 14:12

Okay. When do you put the cheese on?

SPEAKER_04 14:15

Usually this last minute, but you know, we left it inside, so maybe we can ask Michael if we have any cheese.

SPEAKER_01 14:21

Like Michael, well, Michael's gonna come out and eat, so.

SPEAKER_04 14:24

Where the hell is Michael?

SPEAKER_01 14:25

I don't know. I don't know. Where is your husband?

unknown 14:29

He burned my burger.

SPEAKER_01 14:30

Oh my god, Michael. I didn't burn it! Cheese, Michael, where's the cheese for it? Michael doesn't like things.

SPEAKER_04 14:35

Michael doesn't not like things for flavor oils.

SPEAKER_02 14:40

I would have any more cheese. Are you serious? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:46

You're a midnight cheese snacker? Dude, I'll eat crackers, I'll eat chips. You might even see me eat a cookie, but I would never look to eat cheese.

SPEAKER_02 14:55

A slice of cheese.

SPEAKER_01 14:56

Like, oh, let me have a slice of cheese in the middle of the night. Like, who craves cheese like that? Why not?

SPEAKER_02 15:00

I have a surprise for both of you. But I'm putting you to the test for America's 250th birthday. Okay. Go America. Okay. You have to answer some trivia questions. Oh, boy. If you get them all right, you're good. If you get any wrong, you gotta jump in that pool right there. You gotta pray you get these answers right for the American. We're gonna get it wrong. You just want us to go in the pool.

SPEAKER_01 15:24

He just wants to see you near. First question. You don't want to see me near. First question.

SPEAKER_02 15:29

What year was the Declaration of Independence signs?

SPEAKER_01 15:33

1776. Alright.

SPEAKER_02 15:35

Good. And either of you can answer, because you're both on the line for this. Okay. I'll give you another easy one. I mean, that I can't. Who was our first president?

SPEAKER_01 15:47

Washington.

SPEAKER_02 15:48

George Washington.

SPEAKER_01 15:49

George. Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_02 15:51

There's only been one. I was like, is there another question? Trick question. All right. Next question. How many stripes are on our beautiful flag? Oh girl.

SPEAKER_01 16:06

Can we take a couple of guesses?

SPEAKER_02 16:08

You have two guesses. I'll give you a hint. Very good. 13. 13. Do you know why 13? No. That was the number of money.

SPEAKER_01 16:21

Oh no, did not. I did know.

SPEAKER_02 16:26

All right, all right, all right. Who is on the $100 pen? Ben. Ben what? Benjamin Franklin. All right.

SPEAKER_04 16:34

Benjamin Franklin.

SPEAKER_05 16:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:38

So Ben Franklin was not a president of the United States. There is another person on our currency that was also not a president of the United States. Adams?

SPEAKER_01 16:49

No, Adams was a president. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 16:51

You know the other person.

SPEAKER_01 16:54

Who's on a $2 bill?

SPEAKER_02 16:56

Oh my gosh. It's not him. A famous Broadway show.

SPEAKER_01 17:06

Oh, oh. Hamlet. Hamlet. Hamlet. Hamlet. Hamlet. Hamilton. Hamlet. You're Hamilton. Hamilton is an animal pool. Hamilton.

SPEAKER_02 17:16

Alright, alright, you're good. He's going in the pool. Guess what? I'm not going to pool.

SPEAKER_01 17:19

I'm not getting my hair messed up.

SPEAKER_02 17:21

No, you got it. You guys. Are we tied? You're tied. You are true. Should I do a tiebreaker? Okay, tiebreaker. Last question. Last question. You did not win. Alright. Well, I gotta find a good one for you. Alright. What is the smallest state in the nation?

SPEAKER_04 17:41

Rhode Island.

SPEAKER_01 17:43

Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding! I'm not going to the jump in the pool, baby.

SPEAKER_02 17:47

Jump in the pool. Should I jump in for you?

SPEAKER_04 17:53

Yes. I need you to get the cheese, motherfucker. There is no cheese.

SPEAKER_02 17:57

You ate it all.

SPEAKER_00 17:58

You just said you ate all the goddamn cheese. Who eats all the cheese when you know you do the burgers on freaking 4th of July? Who eats the cheese? Who eats the cheese?

unknown 18:09

Mikey.

SPEAKER_01 18:10

Oh my god, what kind of cheese was it? Wait, I want to know what kind of cheese it is. All right, all right, all right. Thank you, Michael. Woo!

SPEAKER_04 18:24

On that note. On that note. Happy birthday, America! Happy birthday, America! 150 years and on the way out. But you know what's missing though.

SPEAKER_01 18:34

We've got the burgers, we got the dogs.

SPEAKER_02 18:37

Where's the beer?

SPEAKER_01 18:39

No, where's the beer?

SPEAKER_02 18:40

Where's something?

SPEAKER_01 18:41

Where's the beer?

SPEAKER_04 18:43

The beer. What you got? Girl, I don't know who you're talking to, but what the hell is this?

SPEAKER_03 18:50

This is a celebration. Hello.

SPEAKER_02 18:54

Some booze. It's a celebration.

SPEAKER_03 18:55

We don't do beer in this house. We do the booze.

SPEAKER_04 18:58

We're never 250 years to America. We gotta celebrate. Michael, can you crack that up for me?

SPEAKER_01 19:05

We're American. Beer is American. We're drinking French. Well, they helped us to win.

SPEAKER_03 19:12

I missed that history. They did help us to win. All right. Thank you, France.

SPEAKER_01 19:20

All right. Oh boy. I know. That's what she says. So note yourself is never to have a cool glass of champagne next to the I'm gonna drink it out of the bottle. Michael drink it out of the bottle. All right, kids. So here's to the fourth of July, straight up extra dirty. And two hundred and fifty years of America.

SPEAKER_04 19:52

Happy birthday, America.

SPEAKER_02 19:58

Oh, yeah. Oh, America.

SPEAKER_01 20:01

Thank you, Francis.