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Versatile Views
Blueberries, Beards and B-jobbies: A Heated Rivalry Review (E3&4)
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Things are getting even hotter on the ice rink with episodes 3 and 4 of Heated Rivalry. Your co-hosts Jack Knave and Charlie Darling are back to share their views on the third and fourth episodes of the series, talking about the cast, chemistry and oh so cringy dialogue! We are introduced to two new protagonists, Scott Hunter and Kip Grady, as they fall for one another over the counter of the quietest smoothie shop in New York. Then we're back with Ilya and Shane in Episode 4 to see how their not-a-relationship is fairing, as some new characters enter the mix (much to Knave's dismay).
I'm Scotland Hunter.
SPEAKER_01And I'm Chip Grady.
SPEAKER_03And this is Versatile Reviews. But to be clear, I'm actually Jack Knave. And I'm Charlie Darling. And we are just going to hop right into episode three. Of Heated Rivalry. Yes, that's what we're reviewing today. So we have left Ilya and Shane sending each other or not sending each other some text messages as Lily and Jane. But who cares? Because baby, we're gonna meet some new peeps.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, episode three focuses on different characters.
SPEAKER_03How did you feel about that? Let's talk about that up front.
SPEAKER_01I actually took a bit of a break between watching episode two and three. Yes, same way. So that was okay for me to leave and then come back to a sort of new story. Yeah. But I do remember being at the end of episode two desperate to see what would happen next.
SPEAKER_03I can see why it would infuriate some people to be like, who the fudge are these guys gays?
SPEAKER_01Did you know that Kip and Scott, the protagonists of episode three, are the protagonists of the first book in the series? I did.
SPEAKER_03Ooh, someone's doing their research. I did a little bit of research because we've got a friend of the pod that has a literal knife to my throat. I don't do research anymore. So I'm doing my research. Shout out to you, we love you. We love you, person. Um you know who you are. I did know that, and actually, having seen episode three, I'm now intrigued to read that.
SPEAKER_01So the episode starts by revisiting a scene from episode two.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I was like, why are we back here? We're team skipping backwards now.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, but it's a scene that I brought up when we talked about it last week.
SPEAKER_00I know.
SPEAKER_01Because I was like, this other character on the side looks also a bit uncomfortable at the mention of gay people in Russia. Why is that? You knew something was a coming.
SPEAKER_03Homosexia.
SPEAKER_01But I didn't know. I was completely virgin to this knowledge.
SPEAKER_03I was wondering if he was maybe seeing the figure skater. It's a good theory. But it was a wrong theory. No, but he is seeing someone else. Well, he's about to let's get into it. We're in Sochi, and then we see him running in New York.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that's the thing. So it uses that scene from Sochi as the context of like, okay, he's uncomfortable with this conversation about gayness. Why? Why is he uncomfortable? Why is a manelli? Let's go back to running the streets of New York in the cold and going to get a little smoothie.
SPEAKER_03I just really quickly wanted to tell you though, like, I just love this man.
SPEAKER_01Jack's got a huge boner for François. Arno. Arno, yeah. Our no idea. Can I just quickly mention at this juncture? Yeah. So the actor Francois is playing a character who's about 25 or 26 years old. He's 40, right? And he's 40 himself. How do you feel about that? I feel I don't care. I'm not contesting that he doesn't look amazing. It's just that I was a bit confused about like how old he was supposed to be because he looks a bit older. When I looked it up, I was like, oh, he's supposed to be 25. He's clearly the character in the TV show is not 25. And that's not me being shady. No, I know. It's just that he looks older than that, so he in my mind reads older than that.
SPEAKER_03But so does the person that plays Kep.
SPEAKER_01Yes.
SPEAKER_03And he's, I think, ostensibly applying for college.
SPEAKER_01Yes.
SPEAKER_03And I was like, what's he applying for? What is this man in his 30s applying for?
SPEAKER_01Well, actually, the actors are 29.
SPEAKER_03What is this man almost in his 30s applying for?
SPEAKER_01Yes, well, this man is working in a smoothie shop. He is indeed. Well, no, he's not. He's sleeping in a smoothie shop. We have a meeting between the two characters. Scott is doing his run through the city, stops in for a smoothie, and Kip serves him.
SPEAKER_02Kip. Kip.
SPEAKER_01Oh yeah, because he says his name twice. There's a lot of eye fucking going on in that first meeting.
SPEAKER_03There's a lot of eye fudging. There's also a lot of double entendre. Honestly, I'm just if I hear a banana used one more time as an innuendo ever, I'm gonna, oh my gosh, now I realised about the socks. We'll get to it. We'll get to it. So he's asleep. He runs in. Can I have a smoothie?
SPEAKER_01Blue moon of a Brooklyn.
SPEAKER_03And he says, I like to have Ming with a banana in it.
SPEAKER_01Don't we all?
SPEAKER_03Well, the okay, quite divertissimo. Smoothies always have bananas in them. They are the thickener of the smoothie. They are the base. So I don't understand why it's revolutionary to have a fudging banana.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I know. That was a bit of a lukewarm take from him.
SPEAKER_03It was also really bad dialogue. That initial chat to each other was stilted. Really I was like, they are doing really well to deliver these lines. Not well enough. Nothing can save this one particular piece of writing.
SPEAKER_01I agree, it was pretty rough. But at the same time, I was getting the awkwardness. I was feeling the awkwardness of the characters because they were into each other. But as we know, when you first see someone you're into, you're not sure if they're even gay, you're not sure if they're into you. Although, if you're running around as a six-foot man looking like an Adonis with a beard, probably people are into you, but whatever.
SPEAKER_03I am so into it. Okay. But we're gonna okay. You are sitting on a towel, right? Oh gosh, I'm I might need one by the end of this. So this conversation is sort of establishing is Hunter homosexual and is Kip interested? The answer is yes, Kip is interested, but we don't know about Hunter yet.
SPEAKER_01But we know.
SPEAKER_03No, we know, but we don't know.
SPEAKER_01Oh, but I know. Like seeing why would this man be acting this way? Like, why is he flirting with the smoothie man? That's not how a straight man acts.
SPEAKER_03No, that's not true. That is how some straight men act. Oh. Some straight men are so comfortable with themselves that that everything is flirtatious no matter what they say.
SPEAKER_01But do you think they'd go in and be like, oh, Kip, give me an extra banana?
SPEAKER_03No, that's true. Look, anyway, he leaves. Then someone, of course, the one other person that we ever see in this smoothie shop ever, walks in and goes, Hey, was that Scott Hunter? And then they're like, Oh my god, Scott Hunter, what the hell? And then we see behind Kip someone named Maria.
SPEAKER_01Yes.
SPEAKER_03I've got a question.
SPEAKER_01Bring it.
SPEAKER_03Where the fudge was Maria when Kip was asleep?
SPEAKER_01True. In the storeroom? I I don't care.
SPEAKER_03In the smoothie fridge. It was just not in the fridge. I don't know. Sitting on a nana. But um, no, I was really unim I I just find that whole first scene implausible.
SPEAKER_01Many things about this episode are quite implausible to me. Not least What men falling in love can't relate, sadly. No, not least of all, the beauty of all the people involved. And I know it's a TV show, but I mean these two staff in the smoothie shop being smoke shows, both of them, it just takes me out of the potential relatability of any of the interactions. It's like, yes, these interactions happen between two men who are like, oh, we're not sure we're into each other, but not when they're like Adonises, bodybuilders.
SPEAKER_03Well, something that you might find incredibly entertaining to hear is that Kep reminds me of you.
SPEAKER_01Why?
SPEAKER_00Because you look like um No, I don't.
SPEAKER_01Your face does. He's got so he's got a beard. Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_03And he's so bulky. Okay, he's not bulky, he's actually pretty petite guy. He's just rebbed. But your face is look similar to me.
SPEAKER_01Alright.
SPEAKER_03Okay, well, we'll move on.
SPEAKER_01Thanks, I guess. I mean it's really handsome, but I don't see it personally. And yeah, and Maria is stunning.
SPEAKER_03Well then we get the logo. What what does that logo remind you of? I had an epiphany.
SPEAKER_01The heated rivalry logo.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01It reminds me a little bit of our logo.
SPEAKER_03Yeah!
SPEAKER_00I was like, oh my gosh, look at us capturing the Zeitgeze before it's even released.
SPEAKER_01Oh my gosh, I'm gonna have to make an edit on side of our logo doing the same thing, like with the hockey puck. Oh my gosh. Yes. I'll try and do it. Oh, I'm excited to see it. One relatable thing about this though is that they have one conversation and Kip becomes obsessed. Did you say that's relatable? Yes.
SPEAKER_03Yes, no, that is so relatable. No, no, no, no. I look at someone and think, oh my god. My future husband. Yeah, well, no, he knows. No, no, sorry, that's unhinged. I'm not speaking about anyone that's real. Wait, what? It's about me! No, I'm not talking about you, I'm talking about someone. But like for me. No, but I'm talking about someone from you. Okay, perfect.
SPEAKER_01Yes.
SPEAKER_03Oh what you thought I was No, we're just joking. So then, okay, one thing that did make me laugh, dude, girl. Right? Right.
SPEAKER_01This is really annoying to me. Girl. Dude. So Kip is played so straight-ish, right? Yes, I I see what you mean. All his friends are queer. And people of colour.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, and cool.
SPEAKER_01And cool, right?
SPEAKER_03Cooler than Kip.
SPEAKER_01Way cooler than him. So much colour than Cap. So I'm not really buying that they'll be friends with him, but okay, I can I can just about. If you are friends with these cool people and they're calling you girl, you're also going to be calling them girl. Yeah, it just was well, it was funny to me. Where where is he getting this dude bro personality from if all his friends are queer and fabulous? Yeah, interesting. Just bothered me.
SPEAKER_03Oh, but then I wanted to say the show is so good at trying to show them sussing each other out.
SPEAKER_01I agree with that. We have already just seen it with different characters and arguably done a little better with different characters.
SPEAKER_03Really? Hmm.
SPEAKER_01At least in a more exciting way. This one seemed more tentative and dare I say wholesome.
SPEAKER_03I think the reason why this one seemed so much more compelling to me is that one of them does know the other person's gay, and one of them is in the closet. So the potential for them to be outed is actually much higher because the other person is not in the closet. Whereas with Shane and Ilya, they're both in the closet, so it's like, well, we're not gonna tell anyone, are we?
SPEAKER_01Why is that better?
SPEAKER_03Oh, I don't think it's better. I just mean I think trying to show that sussing out, one of them is actually trying to figure out is this person into me? It surely it can't be because they're a hockey player.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're a sports star. Yeah, okay, fair. Then Scott makes a move. He invites Kip to his game.
SPEAKER_03Yes, he does. In the cafe that is always empty.
SPEAKER_01In New York City.
SPEAKER_03That apparently has the best smoothies ever, that has celebrities going to it. Sorry, I just I've I I can I can't not mention that. I just felt it was really, really immersion breaking. I was like, really? Because in London, you are never walking into any smoothie shop and it doesn't have someone in it.
SPEAKER_01True. And having like a long chat with the staff, they will not give a second to you.
SPEAKER_03Do you mind if I sit down and send some emails? What do why do you need permission to sit in this cafe that you just paid for a beverage in?
SPEAKER_01So I'm completely with you. It's the hill we should die on, I think.
SPEAKER_03But you guys don't want to hear about this. I know that you do.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, like it's it is annoying. Kip goes to the game with his best pal Elena. I can't believe he didn't take Maria. What a joke.
SPEAKER_03Maria knows. Maria's seen. She's been there from day dot girl. Poor Maria. And then that's it. Basically. Yeah, I think. Do we get a montage? We get a montage.
SPEAKER_01Another montage? No, not really. I mean, some stuff, there's some conversations. But then Kip has the job working as a waiter at the event. Yeah, because we meet his dad.
SPEAKER_00What?
SPEAKER_01I don't like his dad.
SPEAKER_03What? I love his dad. That's the dad I wish I had.
SPEAKER_01Maybe that's why I'm bitter, but no.
SPEAKER_03It's so cute. His dad's always like, hey Kippy.
SPEAKER_01I didn't like it at all. Interesting. It made me feel sick. Oh my gosh, and not in a good way. Okay, your son is rushing to get ready for his job and he's forgotten where his suit is. Oh, it's in your closet and whatever. And then while he's like panicking, trying to get dressed, like, love you.
unknownFuck.
SPEAKER_01How needy are you that you need to tell your son you love him that much? It's weird.
SPEAKER_00What happened to you? You're changed.
SPEAKER_01Subject of another episode.
SPEAKER_03Okay, but what happens? He goes to the event.
SPEAKER_01Because Sean works there, his friend Sean.
SPEAKER_03And then we get implausible thing number 87 in this episode. He bumps into Scots. No, he he runs into Scots. Oh that's it bumps into. And then this nasty lady who, by the way, icon.
SPEAKER_00It's like, well, she actually gives him a company.
SPEAKER_01They hire incompetent models. Like, oh. So you think I'm a model?
SPEAKER_03Only someone called me an incompetent model. In fact, I'd be called a competent, never could be a model.
SPEAKER_01So he's working the event. Yes. And then they manage to get a little conversation at the side. And Scott invites him to get some food after the event. Yeah. Kip responds, tonight. Yes. With you? Yes. And he looks completely bamboozled. Why? What is this dialogue? If someone asks me out, I'm not gonna be like, hold on, I need you to confirm every detail of that because I can't believe my ears. Like, are you stupid?
SPEAKER_03I think you're being harsh. Imagine, like, Brad Pett asked you out. You would be like, really?
SPEAKER_01No, I'd be like, it's about time.
SPEAKER_03No, I would be like, no, because you are a bad person. Well, yes, Brad Pitt, but of his ilk. Also, I can't be seen in public with you, so take me back to years. Which is kind of what happens here. Yes. Do you think that Hunter knew that it was going to be too busy for them to get in?
SPEAKER_01Based on how the episode shakes out, I'm inclined to think yes. Yeah. Because he struggles to be seen in public with a gay man later on.
SPEAKER_03With a man, with any man. Yeah, true.
SPEAKER_01Unless they're in his hockey team. Yeah. Which is kind of pathetic, no? I mean, not to minimize the struggles of DL men. Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_03Oh, yes, we are minimising them. That's what we're doing. Okay, one thing I have to say, and I actually think this is good representation, is this show is very blowjoby.
SPEAKER_01And I think that tracks. As in, the first sexual encounter between two men is more likely to be a blowjob rather than full penetrative sex.
SPEAKER_03No, no, no. I just mean like most of the time in my encounters, and yes, it might shock some of you to know I have in the past slept with other men. Shocks me. But it's but it's very blowjobby, you know. Look a good blowjobby. A jobby for the jobby.
SPEAKER_00A blue job. I'm just gonna sit in the toilet and you're gonna Oh my days. Blow it out of me.
SPEAKER_03Oh. Sorry, okay. Let me just recover. I'm bright red now from laughing at that.
SPEAKER_01Maybe you need to context what jobby is to some people.
SPEAKER_03For those of you that don't know, in Scotland, we our word for like a poo or or a poop is jobby. And there's there's much, much discourse about how we should spell jobby. I personally prefer uh J-O-B-I-E, but uh lots of people prefer J-O-D-B-Y. I think that's ugly. But we can all agree that it is pronounced jobby.
SPEAKER_01So a blowjobby in Scotland is not something you want to office.
SPEAKER_03It's very blowjobby, as in there's blowjobs that happen.
SPEAKER_01Blowjobs galore. All I was thinking during this first encounter between them is that Kip has just worked how many hours, you know, in a kitchen, in a sweaty hot kitchen carrying food round. He must stink. Well, okay. I'm gonna say something a little bit controversial.
SPEAKER_03JT Firstman might have been on to something. Why? When he said that it's an unrealistic depiction of gay sex because they're all having sex all the time at all hours of the day, and after they've definitely not been doing job easily.
SPEAKER_00And I just don't understand the logistics of it. And someone commented on one of our videos that there is no lube in this show. So when you were talking about washing the lube between your cheeks, they were like, What lube?
SPEAKER_01I assumed it was applied off camera in that case.
SPEAKER_03Moving on. Moving on. Can you stay?
SPEAKER_01That was cute.
SPEAKER_03Weird, but cute. I actually thought it made perfect sense. Oh, tell me more. He is so repressed and not out. So he's but he clearly he doesn't have a family. We later come to find out that he's actually an orphan. He has nobody. So of course he would want someone to stay. And the only person he can ask is the only person he's ever brought back there.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it's a bit crazy to ask someone you've hooked up with once, can you just stay in my house all day and wait for me? He doesn't even have a PlayStation. Like, what are you gonna do all day? I'd be so bored. It shows him reading an art book at some point. I mean, okay. Good for him. And then so begins their kind of secret relationship.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, like saying all that after one day is insane, but if I had someone say all of this to me in an apartment like that, I also probably would have stayed in the apartment. Oh 100%.
SPEAKER_01However, I have a note here I just want to share. Um, why is Kip so annoying? In what way? His sort of awkwardness, his hesitancy to answer earnestly and be like, oh well, oh I'm sorry, I just like raided your fridge and made you some food, and oh I'm so sorry. And oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, that was annoying.
SPEAKER_01Shut the hell up. He asked you to stay over, like Of course you can have food in his house. I just think it was a badly written scene.
SPEAKER_03I don't know. I whenever I sleep have slept with my okay, no, something happened to me after wait, no, let me try and think of how to phrase this. I wasn't where is he going? I'm on the edge of my seat. I don't remember the time that it happened, but I do remember having a one-night stand with someone and they asked me to leave in no uncertain terms, and I was mortified by it. And because of that, I never wanted to be asked to leave again. So what do I do? I leave. However, I've then had messages from people, or I've bumped into them years later, and they were like, Why did you leave? And I'm like, Oh, because someone conditioned me to. So it's the tricky one. So I know I can understand why after being asked to stay, like people get these mixed messages. Of course, he'd be like, Oh, I didn't want to overstep the mark. But then Scott gets very intense. Well, he did say that he was intense.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, he's like, I'm about to say something very intense. And then Kip changes from being annoying and unsure of himself about whether he should use the blueberries in the fridge to being like, That's totally fine. I understand your baggage and I will be here for you, or something like that. I wasn't here for it. Oh, and I'm also not here for the constant references to serial killers. Oh, that wasn't cute. That wasn't cute. It's established that having this secret relationship. Kip tries to push the boundaries a little bit sometimes by inviting him to a little art gallery thing. Oh yes. Scott kind of freaks out, bless him. I mean that was like a shame. It was a shame. And then they go to the same party. Kip's friend Elena, who has some connections clearly, is invited to some gala, of which Scott is also attending.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I wish that was clearer. I didn't understand why Elena was there.
SPEAKER_01I can't remember what she does. It is like briefly mentioned. Yeah. And Elena is like, what are your intentions with my friend?
SPEAKER_03I cried at this scene. You're kidding. Nope.
SPEAKER_01Are you okay? I dunno.
SPEAKER_03Are you okay?
SPEAKER_01Are you? Oh my gosh, my chair has got a lot to say.
SPEAKER_00It does indeed.
SPEAKER_03I started crying because when I was watching Ket watching Hunter dance with Elena, and Hunter could dance with Elena because nobody would bat an eyelid, I've been on that side of a situation, and it just really broke my heart. It felt very true to life.
SPEAKER_01That's actually a really good point. I didn't see it that way in that moment, but you're totally right, that's what was being shown. But I guess I misread the look on his face. I didn't realise it was sort of heartbreak in a sense. It's quite sweet.
SPEAKER_03When Elena said to Hunter that Kip deserves sunshine, and so do you. And I was like, it was it got me very emotional. Fair enough. It's getting me emotional again, so moving on. I actually thought that line was so was it Well, just because you're always in the sunshine.
SPEAKER_01That's not true.
SPEAKER_00Maybe.
SPEAKER_01I want to ask a little question. Go for it. These women characters who are surrounding the main cast of the men who have never ever spoken to another woman in their life. Exactly. They just exist to be counsel, to prop up the main character to be a shoulder to cry on, all this stuff. Are they self-inserts of the author, do you think?
SPEAKER_03Oh, I wonder. Or for the viewer, the female viewer. Yeah. They must be. I think it's a bit odd. I guess it's almost the same way that you get these like really wise gay best friends that like always help their sister out. Do you know what I mean?
SPEAKER_01It's like reversed.
SPEAKER_03None of these men seem to have a particularly strong maternal figure, as in an actual matriarchal figure. True. The only person that has a mother in this show as so far is Shane.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, good point.
SPEAKER_03And he has a semi-adversarial relationship with her, but only insofar as you cannot control my life, let me just wear another pair of trainers. So maybe that's also what it is. Yeah. But it is clumsy, you're right. That's a good point.
SPEAKER_01I didn't even think of that. I'm just finding it a bit odd what these these characters they're just reduced to such a single trait.
SPEAKER_03Well, they never speak to any other women. Yeah. This show does not pass the Bechtel test. For sure. Passes the Bull Job test, though.
SPEAKER_01That's a good test.
SPEAKER_00I passed the test.
SPEAKER_01I just think it's a shame.
SPEAKER_00You're right.
SPEAKER_01So now we do get to that conversation in the apartment. The final conversation. I loved it. Really? Why? Speak hers. Scott is like, can you just be like my secret for about a few more years? Unhinged.
SPEAKER_03I mean, yes. But I d fail to see any humor in it because it blew up one of my relationships.
SPEAKER_01Like this storyline in particular, for me, I guess I didn't relate to it in the same way you did.
SPEAKER_02Because who would keep you a secret? That's tea.
SPEAKER_01So it's tea that I deserve to be kept to. No, of course not. But I just don't believe that their relationship is particularly exceptional in any way. It's just so whatever. They met in a smoothie shop, they've seen each other, had a lot of sex, and then they're like, oh my god, my heart's breaking, my life is ending because I can't beat. I just wasn't buying it. I was like, I don't really care about the struggle.
SPEAKER_03It's so interesting. I think that your opinion is the majority's opinion. A lot of people did not like this episode. Oh really? Yes. Tell me why? For for like all of the reasons. They didn't like the break of the continuity between Shane and Ilya. They didn't like those two characters specifically. And I think they also thought it was a little bit pointless considering that heated rivalry is supposed to be about Shane and Ilya. Yeah. For me, it resonated more than any of the episodes so far. So okay, amazing.
SPEAKER_01That's super interesting. Yeah, I think the reasons you say that people don't like it for are valid. I enjoyed them as characters. I just think it was generally a bit weaker than Shane and Ilya.
SPEAKER_03I can see that. I just for me, because of my biggest relationship being totally blown up by the fact I could not stand being kept a secret. And it really wasn't even his problem. Like he wasn't a secret for anyone in my life.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And I was living my life openly and freely, and everyone knew about him. I just was a secret in his. Yeah. And I don't think it was fair for me to try and push that timeline. But I also don't think it was fair for me to have been kept a secret. So it's just a tricky one. So watching this again, I'm like, I relate to both of them so much more because when I look at that relate my relationship being blown up, I just think, well, what could have been if only I'd been more patient? But had I been more patient, maybe it would have never changed at all.
SPEAKER_01I've also had an experience of dating someone who I was a secret for the majority of their friends. Oh wait, I f I did forget that. Well, I kind of forgot that too. But it happened much more recently. And it's so in what I mean by that is it happened when I was older. Yeah. I'm much more able to handle it, I guess. Not you know, not to say you couldn't handle it, but you know what I mean.
SPEAKER_03I couldn't handle anything, so you're right.
SPEAKER_01Right. So this happened to me when I was about 30. So when my boyfriend was saying, I'm not gonna tell anyone about you and about being gay, my reaction was patience at first, and then after a bit of time, I was like, Well, I deserve better than this bye.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I was laughing about it as well when it was going on because I was like, but you're so out.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah, you could not put me back in. No, no, no, no. And it's not like I'm you know mincing around everywhere, flaming like that. It's just I'm proud of being gay, and I'm not gonna hide it even in this a single conversation. I mean, I did for a couple of conversations with his friends, but it felt gross. I mean, being introduced as your friend is Yeah, it's rough.
SPEAKER_03Well, in London, I don't know what it is, but I was always bumping into people I knew, and when I was with this person, we were always bumping into people he knew. And it was mortifying because he would introduce me as his friend, or sometimes he wouldn't introduce me at all. And it was blatantly obvious that I was with him. Yes. There was no other context for me to be in his presence other than to be his boy.
SPEAKER_01Lover.
SPEAKER_03Interesting. Anyway, it doesn't matter because forget about Hunter and Kip.
SPEAKER_01We are about to launch straight into episode four. Back into Shane and Ilya and carrying on their story from where we left off.
SPEAKER_03Well, where were we? Because it was the world's longest freaking montage, and I was confused again because I was like, wait, didn't I remember that like things were on the rocks?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, they left things on such a downer.
SPEAKER_03Well, we watched episode four together just to let you all know about see how the sausage is made. And I turned to you and I said, because we try not to speak to each other during the show, I turned to you and I said, Wait, are they still sleeping with each other? I don't know what's going on.
SPEAKER_01Well, they were.
SPEAKER_03Well, they were, because but we were almost in text messages, and I don't know, like, guys, I just can't get on board with these time skips. I've had enough of time skips.
SPEAKER_01It was definitely confusing because the end of episode two was such an emotional gut punch, and that still lingered in our hearts and guts. So suddenly everyone, everything's happy. They're they're playing the games, they're like, they've got the aggression on the rink. I don't know what ice hockey is, okay? And and then it montage of them getting it on repeatedly.
SPEAKER_03It was just so many montages, so many time skips. But one thing that I wrote was it was really repetitive, and because of that, it showed that nothing was progressing. They were staying the same. Ilya was still sleeping with random people slash Fitzel. Fitzel? Vetzlana. Vitzlana. Slash Svetlana. He was constantly running on the treadmill. They were doing the games, he was losing games, he was winning games. It was so boring.
SPEAKER_01Actually, can I say something?
SPEAKER_03You are always permitted to say something. This is our podcast.
SPEAKER_01I just want to make sure. Episode four is not my favorite. I think it was my least favourite episode so far.
SPEAKER_03Nothing friggin' happened. Very little happened. One thing happened and I hated it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, well, we'll get to it.
SPEAKER_03Well, we're gonna get to it pretty quick because nothing happened.
SPEAKER_01Well, hold on, before we get to that.
SPEAKER_03Okay. Hold it. Freeze.
SPEAKER_00Put the sentence down.
SPEAKER_01I love that. I love this.
SPEAKER_00Sometimes you just laugh at my worst job. Like, I'll come up with the cleverest pun, and you'll be like, okay, not every pun has to be made. And then I'll say something that has no basis in reality.
SPEAKER_01And you're like, I have a deeply nuanced sense of humor. What can I say?
SPEAKER_00Even I'm kind of nobody has to get buried.
SPEAKER_01Okay, great. Locking that one in.
SPEAKER_00Oh my god, okay.
SPEAKER_03Okay, no. Wait, no, wait, I need to I have one last thing to say. I'm so sorry. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. There is something really important that happened in episode three, and I forgot about it, and then I came to a realization about it. Bring it. So sorry to interrupt episode four, but honestly, it's so boring. So, anyway, the bananas. Oh. He buys him a pair of socks with bananas on them. Blue socks. Blue socks. Oh, blue banana, boy, in Brooklyn. Blue moon in Brooklyn.
SPEAKER_00Zara Larson. Mention.
SPEAKER_03That was cute. I thought that was actually really sweet. Like a little secret, just like wear me on your s on your feet. A blue job. Blue job, yeah. That's cute. Oh, you wanted to say something.
SPEAKER_01I did want to say something. Pick the sentence up. So the montage between them banging a lot and not progressing their relationship in any meaningful way happens. Then Shane goes to visit Ilya at his new pad. Yes. Ilya's got a fancy new apartment now. And he goes, they have sexy times.
SPEAKER_03Wait, can I just say Ilya has a fancy new apartment now that looks inspired by the apartment that Shane had built for him in Canada? That's true. Did you pick up it? Okay. No, I didn't actually. Oh, you didn't?
SPEAKER_01That's a good point.
SPEAKER_03Oh, because Shane was saying he was like, Oh, is this like a new bell? Did you and Ilya was acting so nonchalant about it in a way where I was like, Ilya's not nonchalant about anything unless he's specifically trying to annoy Shane about it. So that's what, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I think that was a good observation. Okay, so maybe I'll let you say the thing that you want to say. Finally. They do the sexy times, and then Shane's like, well, I guess I should go. Oh yeah. And Ilya says, You don't need to go. Stay. Why don't you stay? That's the number one rule in a casual situation ship. Don't stay the night.
SPEAKER_00Knee deep in a passenger's seat, and you're eating me out as a casual mouse.
SPEAKER_01So I was like, okay, Ilya is breaking that sort of unspoken rule here, which is interesting.
SPEAKER_03I rule, Ilya is letting the mask slip.
SPEAKER_01Yes, very that. Except. Except the next day, when they have a bit of a conversation, a bit of a conflab on the sofa.
SPEAKER_00They're not having a conversation. It's Ilya being Jack. And Shane being Charlie.
SPEAKER_01Um okay, yeah, fine. They're having a conversation about women. He says, I never hear you talk about girls. And Shane's like, I like girls. And I was like, Do you? I don't believe he does.
SPEAKER_03I don't know though. Well, okay.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I know. I think it's up for debate. And but Ilya does. I believe that. Oh, I believe that. And then he says, but I like you too. And Shane's like, Yay! I was But then Ilya says, for your mouth.
SPEAKER_03Ilya just is constantly well, I wrote. I was getting and I wrote. And I wrote at no because I was I'm standing ten toes down on this one. I was getting pissed at Ilya in the girls' chat. I just thought, what is it you're trying to get out of Shane here? What is it that you want from Shane? Because you want Shane. So just ask Shane for what you want. What is it that you want, Rosanov? What do you want? And it kind of winds me up that they call each other their surnames.
SPEAKER_01But they didn't in that one sex the last sex they had. They say Shane and Ilya. Oh. First name basis. Oh gosh. I mean that's a very typical gay experience. Oh god. You have sex like ten times before you learn each other's names.
SPEAKER_03Here's another fun fact about being a homosexual. Sometimes you may accidentally date someone with your name. Never happened to me. I'm never doing it again. Say calling someone Jack is disgusting to me.
SPEAKER_01Boner killer.
SPEAKER_03Or anyone with my brother's name is either. Horrendous.
SPEAKER_01I've actually never dated anyone who's got the same name as me or any of my friends. Oh, that's not true. I once dated an ed. And I have an Ed friend too. Well, anyway. That's like ancient history. Do you have another friend? Uh we don't we don't talk anymore.
SPEAKER_00We don't talk anymore.
SPEAKER_01Exactly. And then they have another. Then they have a hand job on the sofa.
SPEAKER_03The world's longest handjob scene.
SPEAKER_01I think the best handjobs do last a long time.
SPEAKER_03Um well personally I would be I'd rather be having a blowjob over a handjob. But also, I was like, are they going for the record of the world's longest? Nothing happened in this episode. That's why we're talking about the world's longest handjob.
SPEAKER_01That is fair. However, I wanted to say that watching that scene, which is like a sexy scene while sat next to Jack, howling with laughter, like a banshee. You were don't deny it.
SPEAKER_03Slander. Oh, here we go again.
SPEAKER_00Accusations.
SPEAKER_03No, I wasn't howling like a banshee. I was laughing like a Scotsman. Rubble tapes.
unknownT.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it's just so funny. Like, people talk about watching this show and the sex scenes being uncomfortable to watch with their friends or their family, whatever it is. But I have no chance to get uncomfortable with sex scenes with my bestie because he's just laughing.
SPEAKER_03But that's why I was laughing because I was uncomfortable, but mainly because, and I keep saying to you, being an actor is so embarrassing.
SPEAKER_01It yeah, it would be mortifying.
SPEAKER_03Because like he sat on top of his lap pretending to touch his wee wee. And that's that's actually more mortifying than like actually.
SPEAKER_01Maybe. They're good sports. Clearly, clearly. But then after this hand job concludes. What was that? Shane has the most post-nut clarity I've ever seen ever in anything. I just feel like he just like stands up as like, I have to leave forever. Goodbye. Why? What happened? Because I know I thought it was it was fair in a sense. He had made up his mind up during that conversation. Where Ilya's talking about all these girls he likes and how he only likes Shane for his mouth. Shane sat there looking absolutely heartbroken and miserable. Then he succumbs to having more sexy times with Ilya and he's like ashamed of himself for doing it.
SPEAKER_03He doesn't succumb. He starts it, he incepts it. What's that? What do you call it?
SPEAKER_01Instigates?
SPEAKER_03Instigates it, thank you.
SPEAKER_01He instigates it. Yeah, they're cuddling, and then it leads to that. But that's again, he feels shame. He feels disgusted with himself, perhaps. He's like, I've just been told that I'm nothing more than a good mouth, and I still can't hold back.
SPEAKER_03Maybe that's why it was hand job instead of a blowjob. And he's like, I can't do this anymore. I'm interested to read the book to get more in his head to see what the frig was going on there.
SPEAKER_01I thought that would seem like a relatively rational reaction.
SPEAKER_03See, I'm the far more unhinged out of both of us, and I don't think it was rational at all. But okay.
SPEAKER_01Interesting, yeah.
SPEAKER_03Okay, well then nothing happens for several more minutes. True. And then we get to Jack's favourite part of the episode.
SPEAKER_01The heterosexuality of it all.
SPEAKER_03The irony of my op being called Rose. I don't get it. Titanic. OP being like opponent. Opponent. Right. Okay. And I'm called Jack, and what's she called?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I got that. What's she called? She's called Rose. Bitch. Thanks. No. She is. I know. Okay. Yeah, so Shane is dragged out to a bar in Montreal. And then we get some of the worst dialogue ever. Yep. Oh yeah, and the actor being the bartender, we weren't too impressed with it.
SPEAKER_03Oh, the actor being the bartender, a model who was Incompetent.
SPEAKER_01An incompetent model, yeah, there we go. And then there's mention like oh, the cast of what was it? X X-Wars? X-Storm, X-Team.
SPEAKER_03X-Crew?
SPEAKER_01X something. It was.
SPEAKER_03Wait, let me find uh X Squad.
SPEAKER_01Oh my gosh, we didn't even get it. Maybe it's harder than it looks to make a name.
SPEAKER_00Oh, we should know.
SPEAKER_01That's team. The cast of X-Squad is at the bar, right?
SPEAKER_03But it turns out only one member of the cast of X Squad is at the bar by herself.
SPEAKER_01Sat alone eating crisps. In a booth. Chips.
SPEAKER_03Fries.
SPEAKER_01Yes. I know. She's sat alone eating fries. She's a movie star. In the back of a bar in a booth by herself.
SPEAKER_03That Shane just happens to feel sick for a little second and sat next to.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_03And what is it? She goes, Are you here to help me eat my fries? So contrived. And then she's like, the chef made me some fries. These are the best fries. What are you talking about? They're hot potato.
SPEAKER_01What is she talking about? Something went awry. Who wrote that? Yeah. The dialogue plummeted in quality. The situation. Well, we kind of tapped out of it, I think. We're not on board with this.
SPEAKER_03It was disgusting to me. I just think in a TV show that is supposed to be so homosexual, to see any heteronormativity in it is just it's my kryptonite. It's a smack to the face. It's it's homophobic.
SPEAKER_01And then we have to sit through that conversation they have where Shane has zero Riz, yet she is like. I just believed none of it. I'm with you. And I hated all of it. I mean, I know you hated all of it because you wouldn't stop saying it while we were watching it.
SPEAKER_03I wasn't saying anything. Really? Did I say things?
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Are you sure it wasn't just like sighing? Did I say things?
SPEAKER_01I think so.
SPEAKER_03Sorry. It's okay. Spoiler alert.
SPEAKER_01Well I knew I mean it's whether you verbalise it or not, your emotions are clear to all around you. Yeah, you could probably feel me bristle.
SPEAKER_03So he starts dating a movie star. A woman movie star. A woman. A woman movie star. Who What do you think of the casting? I just didn't believe it. And that's what I'm saying. I didn't believe it.
SPEAKER_01I didn't like it. When you've got Kip's best friends in episode three being absolutely stunning. Like the most beautiful woman you ever saw. The actress playing Rose, I wasn't really getting movie star vibes from her.
SPEAKER_03Oh yeah, but I absolutely died from Elena and Maria.
SPEAKER_01Yes, that's what I'm saying. Yeah. So weird. So it just that seemed odd to me. Um yeah, and they're dating, and they have a bit of a back and forth that was like kind of cute, I guess.
SPEAKER_03No, but Ilya finds out.
SPEAKER_01Ilya finds out. He mad. He's so upset. I mean, he deserves it, bloody hell.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, it's a tough one. Is it? He was such an asshole. Well, we're rooting for them, aren't we? Actually, no, I that's a good question. At this point, are we? No. I'm rooting for both of them to go and find other men.
SPEAKER_01Hmm. Yeah, I would definitely say I'm rooting for them less than I was. Ilya has to grow up.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, they do have to grow. All of them have to grow up. Well, yeah. But they are supposed to be grown up. I mean, no, they're only in their early 20s. I was a psychopath in my early 20s, so I guess I can really.
SPEAKER_01I'm not sure they are by this point. I think they're in their mid-20s. All those time skips.
SPEAKER_03I mean, I think mid-20s, as your early 20s. I don't really think you're in your late 20s until you're in your 27 20s.
SPEAKER_01Okay, whatever.
SPEAKER_03But that's more than your med. Okay, I don't know. I hated this part. I just didn't like it.
SPEAKER_01I agree, actually. So we've already established they like each other. The conflict that was in the episode two was around, oh, he can't be out because he's Russian and it's whatever. And then they kind of make one step, tentative step towards maybe something more, where Ilya lets the mask slip, as you mentioned. So we're like, okay, this is progressing in an interesting way. And then they just throw in this whole plot line of oh, now they're seeing women. And it's so unnecessary.
SPEAKER_03We forgot to mention that Scott Hunter makes a comment to Shane when they're playing against each other, Canada versus America. That was interesting. I didn't really get that.
SPEAKER_01That came out of nowhere for me. It seems like Hunter knows about them. Well, that's the thing. If all these characters are the same, as in they're all gay on the down low, they could probably clock each other, surely.
SPEAKER_03I don't know. Yeah, surely, maybe.
SPEAKER_01That's what I thought was gonna happen when Shane met Rose's friend Michael, who's this like beautiful gay man that she's friends with in the club. And I'm like, he's gonna clock that Shane's gay. His name's Miles. Miles.
SPEAKER_03I was like, who the fudge is Michael? Sorry about that. Yes, Miles, Miles, yes. The creepy gay friend.
SPEAKER_01Well, yeah, he like makes a move on his friend's boyfriend.
SPEAKER_03I just didn't understand it because I was like, Miles, you are so beautiful. What are you doing over here? Go find yourself a gay man. A gay man.
SPEAKER_01I'm with you. That was bizarre. Anyway, that's how the episode finishes, right? They're in the club after playing each other, Shane and Ilya. They're in the Montreal club dancing away.
SPEAKER_03And we get a pretty powerful montage actually to two versions of the song, All the Things She Said by Tattoo and another band. Great song.
SPEAKER_01Such a good song. It was a great montage up until the very end.
SPEAKER_02Yes.
SPEAKER_03Oh yeah. Yes.
SPEAKER_01I love the shots in the club. Incredible. The lighting, stunning.
SPEAKER_03Love the TikTok versions of them. I've been very entertained by those. I just knew that it happened. I didn't fully know the context, although one could guess when there was women involved.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, beautiful. I love how the the rest of the crowd are sort of behind them, just literally a backdrop. And how sort of the world has fallen away for both of them. They're looking at each other. So much going unsaid. Yes, again. Again, it's the point of the show, but it's so annoying.
SPEAKER_03All the things he didn't see.
SPEAKER_01Yes. And then by the end of it, even Ilya has stood there like completely hasn't even got his arms around the girl.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, everyone has fallen away at this point. Really cool. And then they're in bed. Thinking of each other. Well, yeah, Shane and Rose are in bed with each other, and Elya's by himself in the shower.
SPEAKER_01And they're thinking of each other while achieving completion.
SPEAKER_03Climaxing. And let me tell you, it was a real anti-climax for me. I couldn't believe the episode ended. I was relieved that it ended, actually. Oh I was relieved, but I just was like, that was really uncomfortable viewing. Second note. Simulated all faces. Oh yeah. I don't really need to see that. But good for them.
SPEAKER_01Okay, so how are we feeling? What do we want to happen now? It's annoying that when we resume watching episodes five and six that we have to deal with Rose, basically. Like she's gonna be there. Unless they start the episode being, oh, we broke up off camera, which is probably the only good outcome of that plot line. It's gonna be tedious.
SPEAKER_03You know what I just realized? I wonder if Rachel Reed specifically chose another fleur name. Because Ilya is Lily, right? And then so Shane is now dealing with a rose, so he has to pick the flower he wants, I suppose. That's cute.
SPEAKER_01That's a bit, hmm. But yeah, why not?
SPEAKER_03We also forgot to mention Svetlana is asking Ilya about Jane.
SPEAKER_01Jane, yeah. You've been texting her for years. Yeah. And Ilya's like, no, don't be so stupid.
SPEAKER_03And honestly, who are you kidding, Ilya? Because you've been texting Jane for how literally seven years? Is it seven years at this point? Six years? Yeah, yeah. So Svetlana knows. Yeah. Svetlana knows everything. Oh yeah, she does. Sasha says hi. So what do you want to happen?
SPEAKER_01Rose can remove herself from the situation. Goodbye. Ilya can grow the fuck up. Yes. Stop being an idiot and tell Shane how he feels.
SPEAKER_03But I think Shane needs to tell Ilya how he feels too.
SPEAKER_01Yes. But I think Ilya should be the one to bridge the gap first. No, I agree. Okay.
SPEAKER_03But I think Shane. So you agree. You think it's really shitty.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I do. I'm not enjoying it right now. It's losing me a little bit. I was more excited after the end of episode two than I am. After the end of episode four. Right. Yeah, I can I feel that.
SPEAKER_03I don't know. Something there's just the momentum has been killed a little bit for me. I also, I don't know. I just don't like it. It just makes me sad.
SPEAKER_01I wonder how many people have watched the entire show.
SPEAKER_03So many, apparently.
SPEAKER_01Apparently, I have seen that episodes five and six are supposed to be great.
SPEAKER_03I think episode five is maybe one of the highest-rated episodes of television ever. Right, okay.
SPEAKER_01Then we have to give it a go.
SPEAKER_03I mean we'll We're not stopping now.
SPEAKER_01We're not quitters. True. So let's just reserve judgment. It's not like us.
SPEAKER_03No, is the thing is though, I just I would not let you date someone like this. I would not let you do it. I would not allow you to be psychologically tormented by this person that is giving you like a pseudo-promise of forever. I'd be like, get your ass out of there and go and find sunshine.
SPEAKER_01I'm totally with you. I think that's why part of this show I'm not relating to a little bit because I'm like, oh, they're treating each other horribly. I have enough self-respect to walk away from a situation like that. I have done it. Why don't these characters do it? When they don't do it, I just get bored.
SPEAKER_03And also, so many people have made this comment, and I do think it's actually a pretty valid comment, although we need all sorts of perspectives and stories. There were like so many teenagers are gonna watch this show, and it's gonna teach them that if they just wait long enough for that psychopath that they're dating to pick them, they'll eventually be picked. And I don't think that's a good message.
SPEAKER_01So, what you're saying is you'd rather see Shane walk away for good, fall in love with a beautiful, kind gay man, and Ilya's left to be miserable by himself.
SPEAKER_03No, I don't want Ilya to be miserable. I want him to just learn from the mistakes and the one that got away.
SPEAKER_00Learn from this!
SPEAKER_03Yeah, learn something from this. We were written for you. We were all rooting for you. How dare you? We'll have to wait and see. We'll have to wait and see. Could you please message us your thoughts and feelings and comments about this, guys? We're very intrigued. We want to hear what you have to say.
SPEAKER_01Let's have a discussion.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, oh, there we go. But for now, what did you think of those views?
SPEAKER_01What did you make of those takes?
SPEAKER_03Let us know down below.
SPEAKER_01As we mentioned previously, this is a bit of a mid-season treat for y'all. I mean, is it a treat at this point? Yeah, I'm having fun. Sara candy. So we're working really hard. The next episode will get to you when it gets to you. Just like Shane and Ily Gar, it's coming. And Kip and Scott.
SPEAKER_03On me.
SPEAKER_01But until then. Have a good one. But just one. Bisonili. Smoothie for you.
SPEAKER_03That was good. Oh my goodness. Oh, I'm very proud of you. Darling over Dallas. What? Darling Moon over Dallas. Oh. A Darling Moon. Darling Moon on an eighth night. Sounds like a chat GPT thing. Blowjobby.
