The ROCKSTAR Mom

Three Mistakes Keeping You Stuck

• Megan Caldwell • Season 1

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Feel like you’re doing “all the right things” yet still running on empty? We go straight to the heart of why smart, capable women end up stuck in cycles of overwhelm—and how to build a life that actually fits your values, energy, and season. Instead of chasing motivation or waiting for the perfect time, we unpack the three big mistakes that quietly derail progress.

From there, we share a clear, actionable path forward with The Rockstar Framework. You'll learn the foundation as well as the four pillars that will help you find long term success. 

Plus, we share a bonus "mistake" that often is what women throw to the backburner: the power of JOY and FUN. Joy isn’t a reward for finishing your list; it’s fuel that makes sustainable success possible. 

Walk away with a grounded, humane approach to well-being that trades perfection for progress and urgency for alignment. If you’re ready to stop white-knuckling and start living with intention, energy, and ease, this one’s for you.

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SPEAKER_00:

You are listening to the Rockstar Mom, a podcast for high achievers who are ready to get off of autopilot and live a life with more intention, peace of mind, and happiness. This is a space to expand, dig deep, get clear, and take action towards living your most authentic, aligned life. I'm Megan Caldwell. As a mom of three, two-time burnout survivor and empowerment coach and speaker, I've cracked the code on what it actually takes to thrive at work and home, ditch perfectionism and people pleasing, get your schedule under control, and live with more ease. So you've got more time and energy to do the things you love without the mom guilt. It's time to get out of your head and into action. Now is the time to live your most rock star life. Let's go. Welcome back, my friend. Before we dive in today, I want you to just take a moment to take a nice deep breath in, let it on out, and just let yourself know that you are doing the best you can right now in this moment. Today we're gonna dive into the top three mistakes that I see women make time and time again when it comes to their own well-being, their own self-care, and what it actually takes to get off the hamster wheel and get out of these cycles of overwhelm and burnout and live a life that is more sustainable, where you are thriving most of the time versus really just trying to get by. So I'm gonna break down kind of these three mistakes and I'm gonna end by sharing with you what it actually takes, sharing a glimpse of my rockstar framework, which is gonna be awesome. So, first of all, I wanna again acknowledge you for showing up today. You most likely are a super smart individual. All right, you've had a lot of success in your life in a lot of different areas, maybe in career, maybe in family, maybe in schooling, all right, wherever it might be, and yet still, the question is why is it so hard to find long-term success when it comes to our own health, well-being, and happiness? For so many women, such as yourself, like the women that I coach, oftentimes we know what to do, right? We know that we should be drinking our water. We know that we need to be getting sleep. And for some reason, it's so hard to actually do. So, how do we actually do that long term? I shared a story on the last episode about when I was at the height of my career in the fitness space, and many, many clients came up to me on a regular basis and asked me, like, Megan, how do you do it all? You just like have the family and the career and all the things. And I had shared, you know, I really like kind of smiled and nodded because at the time it looked like I had my stuff together, but on the inside, I really was not doing well. Here's the thing from that outside perspective, and even when it comes to what I was doing to care for myself, I was doing most of the things that we should do, quote unquote, for self-care. Now, before I move on, let's talk just a little bit about this whole concept of self-care. I think self-care has gotten a really bad rap over the years, where it's really been about products we purchase and bubble baths and massages and girls' trips away. When I reference self-care, I really think more holistically. I think about well-being, I think about the things that we can do on a daily basis, small things that are gonna allow us to feel like our best. All right, that's my definition of self-care is what do you do on a daily basis to care for yourself best? And yes, some of it does come down to some of those basics, like I just mentioned, such as hydration and sleeping and eating and exercising. And again, when I had clients asking me, but Megan, how do you do it? Here's the thing, guys, I was actually doing all of those things. I was doing all of those healthy habits, yet at the same time, I just did not feel well. I felt disconnected from myself, I felt misaligned. And I was falling into a lot of those traps that I see a lot of women following in falling into. The mistakes that we make that when it comes to actually, what does it actually take to take care of ourselves? The first mistake that I see women make time and time again, even though we're so smart, is we rely on motivation and willpower alone. You know it as well as I do. Like it's like the start of the brand new year where we all set New Year's resolutions and we have the best of intentions and we're feel really feeling really motivated. The new year time, this time of intention setting, this time of resolutions. Someone by the name of Katie Milkman kind of coined the term a quote unquote fresh start, if you will, where when we have the start of a new year, maybe it's our birthday, the start of the month, is that we often feel a sense of heightened motivation. And while that's a great thing, and often sometimes something that we can anticipate, that motivation will only take us so far. Because as you know, motivation comes and goes. Some of it might be based on the season that we're in, our cycle, what's going on around us. We can't always predict and tell what is going to motivate when we are going to feel motivated and when we're not. And so oftentimes, our perfectionism, our type A tendencies, our desire to quote unquote do good and do it right actually really hinder us. Because when we are starting out with that motivation, but trying to do it the perfect way, if you will, what happens when life doesn't go as planned? When your kid gets sick, when you break your leg, whatever it might be. As recovering perfectionists, as type A, we have been conditioned and taught and we have adopted for years and years that if we just work harder, we're gonna get it done. So just like if I work harder in my career, I'm gonna climb the ranks. If I just work harder, I'm gonna feel better. Here's the thing, my friend, though, is that we can only work hard for so long. It only works for so long because at some point our bodies are gonna say, wait a second, I'm tired. I'm overstimulated. I can't do this forever. It's this whole concept that we have practiced for many, many years of just having to push through. And if you at all could relate to my story about two rounds of burnout and just again, looking like I had it together on the outside, but really I just didn't feel my best. So much of that is because we live in a culture where we have just been told, just keep going, just push through. As a mom, you're supposed to be the superhero, you're supposed to be able to do all these roles, you're supposed to be able to juggle it all. And again, my friend, we can do it for only so long until we we often break or we can't. And then we'll oftentimes self-sabotage. All right, we'll often beat ourselves up and it doesn't feel good. So if we are only relying on motivation and willpower, it's not gonna work long term. Along the same lines is this whole concept is that we're waiting for the right time. I see this time and time again. Oh, it's just not the right time for me to do this. Life is too busy. My friend, let me be very clear with you. Life is gonna continue to be busy if you allow it to be. I had a coach many years ago who was helping me eliminate some words from my vocabulary. And one of those words was actually busy. Because, in my opinion, of what I've learned in my own, my own journey from coaches and from mentors and from my own learning is that busy is a choice. Overwhelm is actually a choice. And if we sit around waiting for the first perfect time when we're not gonna be as busy, when life slows down, you're gonna be waiting for a really, really long time. Because, truth be told, life is gonna continue to be unpredictable. Life is gonna continue to throw you curveballs, which is why if we rely on motivation and willpower alone and we don't know what's coming for us in those times of heightened stress, we're not gonna be able to just continue pushing through. So, food for thought here in terms of maybe think back and reflect like, are there times where you've really just relied on this whole concept of motivation? Oh, I'm gonna start exercising again when the time feels right, when I feel good to do so, or I'm just gonna go ahead and I'm just gonna push through this month because next month is gonna be a lighter load. I see this time and again, especially with women who are in the professional space, is is work is gonna slow down. It's not gonna slow down, but we do have within our power to set boundaries, to say no, to check in with self, and to do this a different way. So again, mistake one number one is that oftentimes we are relying on motivation and willpower. The second mistake that I see, and I fell into this trap for many, many years, is that we try to do it on our own. We have a lot of shame and guilt about how we are feeling internally, that we don't want to share it with the world. It's hard for us to be vulnerable and know that that is a normal thing. But as high achievers, and again, as those who have been taught that we quote unquote should be able to do it all, we try to. This is gonna be the one, this is gonna help me with time management. Or maybe you've read endless books or enrolled in courses. And don't get me wrong, I am a personal development and self-care junkie. And I also know for a fact that just learning and just taking in information is not what's gonna actually create change. Also, I hope you find motivation and inspiration from my podcast, but just listening isn't gonna get you into the life that you want. All right, it's going to be in actually then taking the action. And taking action is scary because even if it's change that we know that we desire and that we want and will be for the better for us, it doesn't mean that it's easy. But we oftentimes, again, going back to number one, we kind of put our heads down, we will power and power through, and we just think it would be easier to do it on our own. We, if you will, we lone wolf it. And we, my friend, as human species, we're actually social beings. And so we're like pushing against kind of our own, you know, inherent needs when we try to do it on our own. I actually put up an Instagram post today on my feed and it said something like this in the in the in the text. It was like, here's a good question to ask yourself today. Do you spend time with people who lift you up or deplete you? The people around us make such a difference. And so if we choose to be on an island on our own, or if we think about, if we think that we are the only one who's experiencing X, Y, and Z, we often sit in pity and sulk. That's one of the reasons and my motivation for this podcast is let's bring to light and have real conversation, deep, raw, authentic conversation about some of the hard. Let's just go right in. So then we can problem solve and we can get you into action towards more moving towards that life with more energy and confidence and peace of mind. Because I know it's possible. I see it time and again. You've probably heard the saying before that you are most like the five people that you spend your the most amount of time with. And that's so true. So I invite you to take a moment to just reflect on like who in your life do you spend the most time with? Could be people in your family, maybe it's at work. All right, maybe it's the best friend that you talk to every single day or a relative. Is just kind of take an observation as to are they filling your cup or are they draining your cup? And I want you to know that you have the power to choose who you surround yourself with. But again, if we don't come to terms with ourselves and get a little vulnerable with ourselves, we can't lean into that network around us to show up as our most truest self. So I invite you to step off of the island of trying to do this work on your own and really tune into and dive into community. And that's a big part of this whole podcast community that I'm working to create here: a space to talk about the real and the raw. And there's no more pretending. Let's get down to what is actually happening as we explore and dig deeper and get to know ourselves better, because that ultimately is going to lead us to greater fulfillment, greater sense of connection, and a life that's a lot more fun. So, again, there's this podcast community. I also see this time and again in the YRL community that I that I host, your rock star life community is what that stands for, is that when women say yes to themselves and come together to do some of this work, the work being getting to know yourself on the deepest level so you can have more success and you can have more happiness, it is so much easier to do it in community. And there is no one right type of community, but what I do know for a fact is that as human beings, we all want to be seen and heard. We all want to feel supported, we want to feel connected. We want to feel that we're able to support others. That is a normal part of the human experience. So it is starting to explore what does this look like for you to not do this on your own? When I first dove into my own personal development journey, it wasn't in a big group setting. I had tried reading the books and I had tried, again, the planners and all of these, the apps, all of the things, is it's when I actually hired my first therapist, which then led into I hired a coach and I worked with a coach. I've been part of different coaching communities. And it has been so powerful to be able to open up and be witnessed in community, and that's where a lot of the real growth happens for long-term sustainable success. So, number two, my friend, big mistake if you're trying to do it on your own, if you're wanting to just continue to learn and find the right products. All right, the real work is the internal work. And it's so much easier and so much more fun to do that in community. The last mistake I'm gonna share today is that oftentimes I see women focusing on the wrong thing. And what I mean by this is they're often focusing on just kind of one piece of this puzzle, if you will, that really keeps you kind of on that endless roller roller coaster that keeps speeding up. We want long-term success. We want lifestyle change. We don't want to just keep repeating the patterns over and over again. But we're focusing oftentimes it's on like just the habits of it, right? Like it's like, just as I said, like if I just drink my water and sleep and do these things that I know are good for my body, that's gonna allow me to find the success. While I do believe that that is one big piece of it, I call it our foundational Fab Five Healthy Habits. It is only one piece of it. I want to tell you a little story. So when I owned my fitness franchise, I offered this program, and it was a program that people signed up for in eight-week sessions. And it was a great program. It consisted of twice-weekly in-person workouts. We did like meal tracking, we sometimes focused on other habits, and it was really lovely. It brought people together in community. It definitely had that community piece. And I saw one of two things happen. Again, women would come into this wanting some type of results, oftentimes body composition results, weight loss, increase in strength. And they'd go one of two ways after these eight weeks. Either they would sign up for back-to-back sessions over and over and over and over again. And while this was really, really good for business, it did make me start to question like, what is it that women actually need? Because the second group of women, they do the eight-week session, they'd find the results, and then they go off on their own only to come back three months, six months, 12 months later to say, Megan, I fell off track. I want back in. And so again, I started to get curious to really think about what does it actually take to help women find long-term sustainable change when it comes to our own health and wellness? How do I really make some of these healthy habits be part of who I am versus just what I'm doing? And my own experience, my experience as an educator and in the fitness and wellness space led me to really figure out and crack the code and find what women need to do to find this success long term. So I want to break that down for you here briefly. Again, from my own journey and now having coached hundreds of women, I've developed what I call the Rockstar Framework. It includes pillars and it includes practices. And it's got four pillars to it. But before I even get into the pillars, I want you to think about these like pillars like sitting on top of like a foundation. Is we oftentimes forget about the foundation. We dive right into one of those pillars, which again are those healthy habits, but we forget about the foundation. And just like building a house, we know if the foundation isn't solid, what's gonna happen to the house? It's gonna crumble. It doesn't matter how pretty the paint is, or if you chose the right windows, or even what the structure of the house is. If we don't have a strong foundation, it's most likely not gonna stay up long term. The foundation when it comes to the Rockstar framework is really getting clear and finding clarity on your priorities. So in this season of life, what are your top priorities? And when I work with coaching clients, we take a look holistically at 10 different areas of health and wellness and start to identify in this season of life which ones are actually most important for me right now. We can't focus on all of them. So it's getting clear on priorities, it's also getting really in tune with your values. We've got to go a little bit deeper here, my friends. We can't just say, I'm gonna do the thing to make me feel good. We've got to know why. And that comes down to you really getting in tune with knowing your personal values. And from that, we then are able, the third part of the foundation is to cast your vision. If we don't have a vision, if we don't have a North Star, if we don't have that guiding light, what are we working towards? And so many of us are caught up in the hustle of the day-to-day that we don't even give ourselves permission to take the time to think about these things. When was the last time that you thought about where do I want myself to be in my life to look like a year from now? Five years from now. Maybe 10 years from now feels a little bit crazy for me. That means I'm gonna be an empty nester. That's weird. All right, maybe that's too far out to go, but we do need to have some type of vision so we can start to take what I call value-aligned action towards that vision on a daily basis. So that, my friends, is the foundation of the Rockstar framework: priorities, values, and vision. From there, I found, again, it's not just about the healthy habits. It's not just about our physical health, my friend. We've got to take a look at this holistically when it comes to physical health, mental health, our environmental health, our relational health, all these different spaces. And it's really boiled down to four main things that I find when women are able to prioritize and figure out how these things fit into their life right now in this season, they do find long-term success. The first pillar I've already shared it with you. I am never gonna deny that healthful habits aren't a piece of this. They 100% are. Again, I call them our foundational Fab Five. They are hydration, food as fuel, movement, sleep, and rest gets its own place in there. Those again are kind of those quote unquote healthy habits, which is where women often focus on, right? Again, I'm thinking back to the New Year's resolution where it's like, I'm just gonna go to the gym six days a week. Okay, not realistic, probably for long-term success. Sounds good, but again, it's not just about working out. It's not just about sleep. It's about really finding consistency in those five spaces. But here's the thing: we can't find consistency in what I call those doing habits, those found out foundational five fab five habits if we don't also take a look at the mindset work that goes with it. Pillar two is mindset mastery. It is how our thinking, our thoughts, our deeper beliefs influence the actions that we take. I use a tool with my clients called the empowerment cycle. And in this cycle, it's it's it's like an actual circle, if you will, on paper. And at the top of the circle, it's thoughts. And it's a friendly reminder that our thoughts do matter. What we think, how we talk to ourselves, is gonna influence our emotions. It is our emotions that then actually influence our actions. And actions can be actions we take, they can be reactions, they can be inactions that we don't take. Those actions then are gonna influence the results that we want. And the results that we want, again, are then gonna influence our thoughts. But again, if we don't put strategic care and practice into what I call mindset mastery, again, sometimes I actually refer to it as shift that shit, okay, because our life is just made up of a lot of stories. And if we are not working to shift and reframe some of those shitty stories, if you will, all right, that are no longer serving us, some of those self-sabotage stories, some of those I'm not enough stories, all right, some of those people-pleasing stories, we're never gonna find long-term success when it comes to healthy lifestyle and long-term change. Those are the first two pillars. Just quickly, the last two pillars, the next one kind of ties those two together and it is NSR squared. You might have heard from me prior. I, again, I spent my first career as a math teacher. All right, so the fact that it has a squared in this is really fun for me. NSR squared stands for nervous system regulation and resiliency. Let me break these down for you just briefly. Nervous system regulation is really learning how to, in the moment, when we are feeling in heightened states of stress, how do we bring the nervous system down? You know what I'm talking about. It's like when the heart is starting to race, when the shoulders are tensing, when we have headaches, when we're feeling totally overwhelmed or anxious in the moment. What are the tools that we have in our toolkit that we can address in the moment? Two of my favorites and are the most powerful, and I know that we will get more into nervous system regulation and resiliency in our podcast together here is breathing. The power of breath is so, so, so powerful. And we have control over that. And the second one is movement. Again, movement is one of those foundational Fab Five. Having been in the fitness space for about a decade, we know the benefits and the power of movement. Movement is one of the best medicines. Again, those are great tools that you can practice and work towards to help be able to decrease your stress and overwhelm in the moment. Nervous system resiliency, on the other hand, is what are we doing over time to bring down our cortisol levels and bring down our stress levels over time? And I think back to when I first popped into my therapist's office about a decade ago and she said, Megan, think about it. Like if you're constantly operating at a 10, you actually don't have the capacity to respond in a way that you want. All right. Until we bring the stress levels down, and this takes practice, this takes consistency, it's gonna be hard to function. You're gonna blow up with your kids, you're gonna say something that you didn't want. And so nervous system resiliency is really about stacking together some of those foundational habits to bring our stress levels down. Some of that also has to do with boundary setting and again, who you surround yourself with. So the third pillar, NSR Squared, nervous system regulation and resiliency. And lastly, I've already kind of focused on this one, but it gets its own space right now, is your rockstar community, is the power within community and surrounding yourself with other like-minded individuals, which is why I am so happy that you are all here with me on the Rockstar Mom podcast, because we don't have to be doing this alone. And I know for a fact when when we pair these four pillars and when we learn how to make them work within our everyday life, we can make change. My friend, you have that power within you. And it starts with just one small step. Now, I know I said I was just going to share with you three mistakes I see people make, but I just have to share one more. Okay. I just have to share one more because this one is so much at the work that I do, at the base of who I am. I think it gets its own shout out today. Is again, as perfectionists, as type A, as high achievers, my friends, we often take ourselves just way too seriously. We take ourselves way too seriously. Again, we work for the perfect plans. We want to continue to grind, we want to check all the things off of our to-do list. Is that we a hundred percent oftentimes fun, play, joy, they get pushed to the back burner. The number of times that I've asked women who are struggling, like, so what do you do for fun? What are your hobbies? And it's like, I don't even know. Like, I drive my kid to soccer practice. No, my friend. Well, could that be fun? Sure. But like, you could make it more fun by blasting the radio and having a dance party. Oftentimes women forget this concept of fun. So I want to bring this back to the forefront for you. How do we live more intentional lives where fun and joy and play are no longer an afterthought? This is gonna allow you to live life more holistically. This is gonna allow you to find long-term success in all of these other areas. When you insert fun and joy, you're gonna have more energy, you're gonna have more confidence, you're gonna be able to actually step away from some of those perfectionism tendencies because in play, you can't be perfect. All right, play means you're just doing it for the sake of it. All right, my friend. So we've covered kind of four big pieces today. I've also given you a glimpse of the rock star framework. If you related to any of these, all right, I invite you to just observe and see what comes up. Do you also notice are there other things that have been holding you back from making progress towards who you are wanting to become or how you want to be living your life? If so, my friend, again, I want you to know as always, you are not alone and you are in the right space here, part of our Rockstar Mom podcast community. So as we get ready to sign off for today, I invite you to take a moment to pause. Just like we started our show today, take a moment to remind yourself you are exactly where you need to be. This is a journey, it's a marathon, not a sprint. It is one step forward at a time. And the fact that you've showed up for yourself today to tune in, to take a moment to pause right now to just reflect on where you're at and what your needs might be. Celebrate that. Celebrate that, my friend. All right. Until next time, know that I am cheering you on, and I can't wait to connect again soon. As we kick off this amazing community together, as a special thank you for leaving a review, you can be entered to win a half-day VIP day with yours truly, a thousand dollar value where together you will leave feeling really clear on what it is you actually want in this season of life. Explore what's holding you back, and create your own personalized next steps. After leaving your five-star review between now and October 27th, just email my team at hello at MeganColdwell PBX.com with a screenshot of your review and the subject line VIP Day for a chance to win this amazing gift. Thanks again for joining me today. And remember, it's time to take back your power, step into your truest self, and live your most fun, rock star-filled life. Cheering you on always. See you soon.